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mochinek0 · 5 months

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Daminette December 2023: 1-Mystery Theatre

"Welcome back to 'The Mystery Box'." Marinette declared, "I'm Ladybug."

"Robin." Damian stated.

"Now, last week we were going over The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Afterwards, there was a list of recommended books posted.

1.)The Puzzle Master by Danielle Trussoni

2.)The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

3.)Bullet Train and 4.)Three Assassins, both written by Kotaro Isaka and translated by Sam Malissa

5.)The Word is Murder by Anthony Horowitz

And for the more adventurous, 6.)Helter Skelter: the True Story of the Mason Murders by Vincent Bugliosi, Curt Gentry

You were also free to recommend your own favorite tastes for mysteries and crime. Today, we have special case in 'The Mystery Box' and I have a feeling everyone will like this one." she smiled.

Robin sighed, "That's what I'm afraid of."

"We know that many people have already left or are heading home for the holidays." Ladybug began, "So we thought of something-"

Robin sneered, "You thought of something."

"Don't get your feather's in a twist, Bird Boy." Ladybug cooed, "We wanted something everyone could enjoy; no matter how far. Today the mystery is: Ladybug and Robin! You are allowed to send in your questions, but if we feel something is too personal or close to giving away who we are, the question will be thrown out."

"Let the questions flow in." Robin commented.

Question one: Is there anyone you don't want to see during the holidays? There's always that one family member.

Ladybug smiled, "From the comments, I can see that lots of people agree with you; whether an uncle or aunt, a parent or a sibling. I'm afraid there's no one in my family I want to avoid, but there are old friends who turned out to be assholes. Those people I could go without."

"My family." Robin stated, "There was a reason I moved out, but I'm expected to be home because of my grandfather. I'm....excited to see my pets, though."

Question two: Are you going home for the holidays?

"Unfortunately." Robin sighed, "The show will be on hold until the break is over."

"No." Ladybug spoke.

"You're staying?" Robin shouted, "Why is this the first I'm hearing it?"

"My parents will be out of the country." Ladybug replied, ignoring her partner, "A relative is sick and they're leaving soon to help I've been looking up single holiday recipes to try this year."

"Lucky." Robin pouted.

"Robin, you can't cook." Ladybug retorted, "You'd end up burning the school down."

Robin should stay!

Robin, don't leave us!

Robin, what are you making for dinner tonight?

Robin, I'll teach you how to cook!

We can go out to eat!

Shut up! Let the bad bird burn down the school!

Birb

"Should we be concerned how many people want you to burn the school down?" Marinette questioned.

"I assume it has to due with finals." Damian smirked, "Also, I'm not doing it. I don't want to move back. I like my dorm."

Boooooo!

No!

Stay with us!

I got a C-, okay!

I failed -_-'

I don't want to retake that stupid class next year!!!

Need the evidence gone!!!!

Ladybug giggled, "Well, I can certainly say, it's no mystery how much our followers have faith in your cooking skills."

"Ha-ha." Robin spoke, rolling his eyes, "Besides, I can always order out."

"That would require you talking to people." Ladybug rebuffed.

"Not if I do it online." Damian answered, "Like you're one to talk; you're more introverted than I am. I know you have classes in person because there was no other option."

Question three: Are you dating? If so, why not invite her over?

"Not dating." Robin stated.

Ladybug declares, "Robin is my friend and he respects my boundaries."

"I'm Bi and lean more towards guys." he responds, "Girls are too clingy."

Ladybug scoffs, "Chat Noir was clingy."

"No." Robin declares, "Your mental ex-partner was obsessive and should be given a restraining order, should he ever find out who you are."

"Not arguing with you there." Ladybug replied.

Question four: You know each other? What makes Robin different from Chat Noir?

Ladybug rolls her eyes, "Yes; Robin and I know each other, personally. As many of you know, Chat Noir and I did not. To the people who aren't aware, I use to have my own podcast. Chat Noir is someone who reached out to me for a collab. We became known as the 'Bug and Cat Team'. We mostly spoke about the problems at school and social events surrounding the area."

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to." Robin spoke.

"I've talked about it before and several times after the incident; I'm fine talking about it now." Ladybug replied, "A topic came up during a podcast. Someone felt pestered by another individual; they claimed the person wanted to date them and had already rejected them. The person got more insistent and 'tried hard to win them over'."

"They harassed them." Robin sneered, "Just say it like it is."

Ladybug cleared her throat, "During that podcast, Chat Noir sided with the harasser and I didn't. I shouted at him and declared that I couldn't work with someone who thought harassing people was the right way to form a relationship. I shut down my side of the cast and blocked him. Suffice to say, the collab failed and I quit speaking my mind for awhile. Many people blamed me for the way the podcast ended. Some said Chat Noir was only joking. Others declared me the 'School's Voice of Reason'. Robin was the one to figure out who I was and reach out to me. He is the reason I'm back."

Question five: Do you think you two ever will date?

"I don't know." Robin explained, "I'd have to test her, first, if we ever got feelings for each other."

Ladybug smiled, "Oh, you're gonna test me? Is this part of the test, right now?"

"I prefer to get cheap food on the first few dates." Robin declared.

"Oh Kwami!" She laughed, "That reminds me of that stupid list we found: 'List of restaurants/places women refuse to go on a first date. Have you seen that list?"

Yes!

No!

What is it?

Who doesn't like pancakes?

Someone doesn't like pancakes?

They must live under a rock!

"I saved that list. It is now my go-to list for dates." Robin spoke, "Again, bye Ladies."

Ladybug laughs, "That list was so stupid! I would eat at any of them! The mystery is what ladies did that person talk to and why do they hate those places so much?"

"It was probably written by the same people who wants a six-figure working guy." Robin shrugged, "Sugar Daddies and Mommies."

"People!" Ladybug cried, "College people are broke! We are still broke when we finish! We got to pay back those stupid loans!"

"We don't have the money for some five-star Michelin resturant because you got a $2000 dress on clearance for $300 and you want to feel special!" Robin declared.

"You don't want fast food or some homecooked meal someone spent the day on? You don't want a family resturant? Guess what? You're gone! We don't want you either!" Ladybug shouted, "I don't know who told you that's the only way you're getting someone good for the rest of your life. Why do you think so many are invested in celebrity gossip? There's always someone cheating or divorcing; some scandal. Being rich doesn't mean you're happy and you're life is perfect!"

"I agree with Ladybug." he spoke, "If I desperately wanted a homecooked meal, I could just ask Ladybug to make me dinner and I would owe her a favor."

"How about a two star resturant in return?" she commented.

"Deal." Robin responded.

They both laughed.

"You can bring your boyfriend, if he wants to come; a friendly dinner." Ladybug continued.

Robin nodded, "I'll let him know."

Question six: I hear clicking sometimes. What is that?

"Oops!" Ladybug spoke, "Sorry; that's me! ADHD kicks in and I'm usually messing with a pen or a figit toy. I didn't realize the noise was getting picked up."

Relatable

Pen clicker here

I tap my nails on my desk

Leg bouncer!

They have tiny figit cubes!

Marinette smiled, "I'm so glad you all understand. I see a lot of links to....what look like toys. I'll look through them over the holiday."

Question seven: major?

"Uh, that's too personal." Ladybug commented.

"Agreed." Robin added.

Question eight: what made you start a podcast?

"I was bullied a lot." Ladybug answered, "Not everyone listened to me, even when I was right. Slowly, I stopped trying to speak up and just watched and waited for everything to fail. I decided I wanted my voice heard, even if a single person was listening."

"I prefer the illusion." Robin declared, "There's too many people in my life and sometimes, I'm not heard."

Question nine: Who is taller?

Robin began to snicker, causing Ladybug to glare.

"I am!" Robin stated, "Ladybug is....what is that term?"

"Don't you-" she began to scream.

"Fun-sized!" he finished.

"Fuck you!" Ladybug shouted, making him laugh.

"I'm not that short!" Ladybug yelled, "You're just taller and like to pick on me!"

How cute!

Tiny bug?

Tall bug?

Robin lying?

Smol

Sibling vibes

Question ten: Ladybug, what recipes are you looking at for the holidays?

"Oh, a bit of everything!" she commented, "I saw a charcuterie board and some chips and dip. Maybe some soup? I don't want to make anything to complicated. Honestly, it all sounds good. Cookies are definetly being made on Christmas Eve. Usually, I would make chocolate chip or shortbread, but I want to try something different this year. Any recommendations?"

Peppermint Mocha

Hot Chocolate

Snowballs

Lemon Cups

Christmas Kitchen Sink

Peanut Butter Blossoms

Gingerbread

White chocolate with candycane pieces

Red velvet

Pinwheels

"I'm sure Ladybug will look through all of your recommendations and will let you know which ones she chose, when we return after the holidays." Robin spoke, "I will try and come back earlier, but don't hold your breath. We don't need a campus mystery."

"Remember to think out of the box" Ladybug cheered, "and Happy Holidays!"

"Ugh, " Marinette groaned, "I can't believe my knitting needles were being picked up but the mic."

"I'll see if Barbara or Drake are free to look over the audio and maybe find a way to tweak it." Damian stated, "I'll walk you to your dorm, Miss Staying-For-the-Holidays."

"Well, Mr.-No-Five-Star." Mari teased, earning an eye roll, "Want me to cook you dinner?"

"Only if you promise to come over for Christmas." he answered.

"Think Jon's jealous?" Marinette questioned.

"Of me eating your cooking?" he spoke, "Always. He told me if it wasn't for my martial arts training and swordsmanship, he'd be fighting me to date you."

Marinette rolled her eyes and kissed her boyfriend on the cheek.

"You know." Mari spoke, as she cuddled into her boyfriend's arm, "You could have just said I think my girlfriend should meet my family. I would have said yes."

"Still think it was better to keep our lives separate?" Damian asked.

"You mean our personas on the box away from who we really are?" she questioned.

He nodded in return.

"Yes; I do." she answered, confidently, "To many people, I'm soft-spoke or clumsy. I'm not someone people listened to. I don't regret starting my podcast on the side. I am glad you found me. You didn't let one person ruin me and who I was turning into."

"Well, I'd like to see Ladybug come more into play." Damian whispered, "I know she's in there and I like her just as much as I do Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

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#daminette december 2023 #daminette #marinette dupain cheng #marinette x damian #damian x marinette #mystery theatre #podcast #q&a session #winter break #chat noir mentioned #aliases #ladybug #robin #secret identities #mochinek0 #damian wayne

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gale-gentlepenguin · 8 months

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People that know Marinette is Ladybug in the show: Fu (pre- memory wipe), Marianne, Su han, Alya, Gabriel Agreste, Luka, Alix, Kagami, Felix, And Lila (potentially) (total: 9)

People that know Adrien is chat noir: Fu (pre memory wipe) Luka, Alix. (Total: 3)

People that know Gabriel is Hawkmoth/Shadowmoth/Monarch: Marinette, Nathalie, Felix, Kagami (potentially) Tomoe, Alya (potentially), Su han (Potentially), Lila (total: 8)

___________________________________________

People that know Marinette is Ladybug in the movie: Fu, Adrien, Gabriel (total: 3)

People that know Adrien is Chat noir in the movie: Fu, Marinette, Gabriel. (Total: 3)

People who know that Gabriel is Hawkmoth: All of Paris. (Total: 2,102,650+)

Conclusion: Movie Gabriel is the worst at keeping his secret identity

#miraculous ladybug #ml parallels #miraculous ladybug movie #ml spoilers #miraculous movie #ml show #ml #secret identities

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lets-try-some-writing · 1 year

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Machine

There are no Primes. There haven't been any Primes since the Matrix was reclaimed by Primus. But with the war spiraling out of control and Orion Pax, the hope of the Autobots being on death's door, Ratchet had no other choice. The Autobots needed a leader, they needed a Prime. If Primus would not give them one, then Ratchet sure as Pit would.

(fair warning, this post is really freaking long)

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙

Orion Pax was their leader. He took up the mantle when the Autobots needed hope more than ever before. He was kind, he was courageous, he was wise and grew more so with every day. He was what they needed to keep marching forward against Megatron's forces and the slow demise that their world seemed to be dead set of reaching. He was more than worthy of being a Prime.

Ratchet never expected such a mech to fall.

Even as he sat at Orion's bedside watching his friend and leader waste away, he could hardly comprehend it. However as the army began to panic without their leader and the Decepticons grew more bold, Ratchet was forced to make a choice. Orion would not live long. His frame was devastated beyond repair and he had no Matrix to give to a successor to lead the Autobots. When he died everything would fall apart and their world would be handed over to Megatron.

Ratchet could not allow this, not when everything they were fighting for depended on the presence of a leader.

As such while there was still time, Ratchet cast aside his reservations and he began what would be considered a heretical work by any definition. He quietly began collecting scans, samples, CNA, copies of memory, and everything else that made Orion Pax who he was. He did not tell anyone what he was doing as Orion faded and he took what he gathered and began to apply it to his project. To keep the army at least semi-composed, the lie he told the Autobots was simple: That Orion Pax was being taken for emergency frame restructuring and was to be brought close to Primus's core to keep his spark stable.

He forged the studies he used to back up his claim that having Orion moved was a wise decision. And then once that was done, he took his friend from the medical bay and brought him to Ratchet's personal laboratory where he took everything he could from his friend while he still lived.

The CNA he used to begin creating a clone, one that he ensured was lifeless through a series of chemical implants. He adjusted it as needed, altering it to match his specifications and leave room for the modifications he had planned. He integrated the CNA of fallen Primes after rooting around and collecting what he could from their lifeless frames to give his creation the strength of Primes. He also altered the clone frame to have a gaping hole where its spark chamber would have been should it have lived in order to house part of what he was making. Then while the clone frame developed, Ratchet carefully began cultivating an AI which he fed Orion's memories.

He took great care with the AI, feeding it memory and coding it in such a way that it would follow his orders. He put in failsafes, integrated the ability for the AI to evolve and learn how to overcome obstacles, and went to great lengths to input an impossible to ignore urge to win the war and restore Cybertron. It took nearly a vorn of fine tuning, by which point Orion had already passed away. But when the AI was a near perfect replica of Orion Pax mentally, at least based on what Ratchet knew of his friend, he made the final piece to finish the puzzle.

His greatest creation was by far the faux Matrix. He based its design off the old texts and what images he could find. Then when its outer shell was complete, he made the greatest super computer he could compile with the aid of a few anonymous engineers who had no idea what they were making for him. He filled the faux Matrix with the entirety of Cybertron's databanks and designed it in such a way that it would run through countless scenarios and calculate the best course of action. He altered its way of giving information so that it would come in the form of old text and strange glyphs to imitate what previous Primes had said their interactions with the real Matrix was like.

He gave it the command to run through data during the artificial Prime's recharge cycle to imitate visions. He then also altered it so that it directly connected to he Prime AI and would, if all went well, regulate the coded emotional responses as the real Matrix would have done with its chosen Prime. He jumped through every hoop to make it so that his artificial Prime would be as convincing as possible, even giving the clone frame the ability to expertly control its EM field to create an aura of divinity through a series of recessive codes.

Then finally, after over a vorn of effort and just before the army began to panic again, Ratchet put together his finest creation. His perfect artificial Prime, made to fulfill the needs of the people and never to be corrupted by greed or other vile emotions. His creation would lead them onward and play the part of Prime until the war came to an end. This was its purpose, and while it was not what Ratchet would have liked, having his Prime wear the face of his oldest friend was both a comfort and a curse.

There was no time to mourn Orion Pax, all Ratchet could do was continue on pretending as if his friend still lived on in his creation for the sake of his own sanity.

A vorn and a half after the project began, Optimus Prime awoke on Ratchet's medical berth with only vague false memories of going to Primus's core to stop the dark energon from spreading. Careful to remain stoic, Ratchet explained all that had come to pass during the artificial Prime's absence and pointed out the Matrix within Optimus's chassis. It took a moment for Optimus's AI to settle and understand, but once everything clicked, the programming Ratchet put into place kicked in and the Prime was off to do his work.

It was certainly a little rough in the beginning. Optimus, despite having been cultivated so carefully was still not the best at interaction. The artificial Prime required time and lots of trial and error to have its AI grow and adapt, quickly changing to be what the Autobots needed. Before long Ratchet could even believe that his creation was a real living being with how it moved and acted, grieving over the fallen, giving hope to the Autobots, and showing courage and conviction like no other.

It was almost enough for Ratchet to forget that Orion Pax was dead.

However Optimus was still an artificial being and there were indeed signs that pointed toward its true nature despite Ratchet's efforts. Optimus didn't feel pain the same way others did, no, the pain it felt was all artificial and could be turned off if needed. During times of increadible stress or when Optimus couldn't afford to fall, Ratchet would quietly utter the command to have Optimus's ability to feel pain turned off. The ability startled the Autobots a great deal, especially when Ratchet forgot to turn the pain sensors back on, prompting Optimus to come to him in increadible worry wondering if something was wrong.

Optimus didn't know that it wasn't alive, and Ratchet couldn't afford to let his artificial Prime think otherwise.

Optimus also wasn't the best at recreating emotion, its AI simply wasn't structured with high emotional response in mind. It was meant to be stoic, unable to be traumatized but still capable of learning. This meant that while it developed and learned, becoming a better leader and responding to the emotions of others better, it had issues replicating other's emotions. It could hardly grieve, it could hardly feel joy, sorrow, or despair. The only emotion Ratchet allowed it to have hardwired was a sense of duty and failure when it didn't perform adequately.

There were other smaller signs, little things like the way Optimus would remain unconcerned by gore, illness, or death. But other than that, the Autobots accepted it, taking Optimus as their Prime without much question. The only one who suspected was Jazz, the other longtime friend of Orion. But even he, perhaps wishing for the entity that called itself Prime to really be Orion, never said anything. All the while Ratchet watched and gently directed Optimus, giving it commands veiled as suggesting and council and repairing him when required

Optimus was his machine, nothing more, nothing less... at least that was what Ratchet constantly told himself in order to not get attached. That is until Optimus returned to base with an actual sparkling in its arms and treated it with more protectiveness and love than Ratchet had ever seen his creation show before. Up until that point everything Optimus did was well within parameters. It fell within the lines Ratchet set, but as if touched by Primus, it suddenly stopped being an "it".

Optimus's AI evolved, and it, no, he changed. Ratchet could only watch on in growing fear, awe, and confliction as Optimus stopped needing him to offer quiet commands. The artificial Prime began acting like a living being, no longer confined by the coding that left him usually aloof and unbothered. The artificial Prime developed, becoming his own individual and never once suspecting a thing about what he really was. This alone nearly made Ratchet want to wipe Optimus's AI and try again, using injury as an excuse just to be sure his creation couldn't go rogue. He only stopped because of how happy Optimus looked as he played with the sparkling he named Bumblebee.

By the time Ratchet considered telling Optimus the truth if only to clear his own guilty conscience, he couldn't do it, not when Optimus believed every single false memory and lie Ratchet had ever told him. How could he destroy the artificial life he had unintentionally created? Optimus was meant to be a machine, a tool to be directed and used as required. The only reason Ratchet had made him believe himself to have once been Orion Pax was to make his acting more believable. But that one small decision had changed everything.

Optimus believed he was living, he thought he had a spark like other mecha and he behaved as such. Ratchet had to feed his creation more and more lies to constrain him and keep him from trying to create Amica bonds or other such intimate ties. He told Optimus the Matrix forbit it and even went so far as to knock Optimus offline and alter the faux Matrix's code so that it would keep Optimus from trying to connect to others too deeply.

If Optimus tried to bond with anyone, the results would be devastating. Even knowing this, it hurt Ratchet's spark to watch Optimus be forced to keep a wall between himself and the sparkling he had found. The artificial Prime still played the part of a Sire for Bumblebee, but he could never have the bond that existed between a Caretaker and their sparkling. Ratchet told Optimus this was due to the Matrix, but Ratchet knew this not to be the case.

Ratchet made a machine to lead the Autobots, but instead he had created an AI that believed itself alive. By the time the Allspark was sent away and the Autobots fled to the stars, the only thing that set Optimus apart from the true children of Primus was his lack of a spark.

No matter how much it hurt to look at the machine who wore his friend's face and identity, Ratchet couldn't tell Optimus the truth. Optimus didn't deserve that pain, not when he wept for the fallen, not when he fought with conviction, and most certainly not when he wished and dreamed with Ratchet on dark nights, imagining a better future. On such nights Ratchet liked to forget that the entity he was speaking to was one of his own make. He liked to pretend that it was indeed his friend who sat beside him and murmured softly the hopes he held of a future where their people were free.

After such interactions he often lay awake in his berth wondering if he had made the right decision and what Orion would think of him.

Coming to earth changed little. Optimus continued to act as Prime, leading them and fighting against Megatron as he always did. He took the children in with grace and behaved exactly as Ratchet expected Orion would have should he have been made Prime. But by that point Ratchet was too ridden by guilt to even dream of trying to wipe the AI that was Optimus or try again. Optimus was alive if only to the others, he couldn't risk everything falling apart because of the truth being exposed.

Then Unicron woke and everything began to crumble bit by bit.

Ratchet managed to hide Optimus's true nature by modifying the faux Matrix so that it could produce an EMP field strong enough to push Unicron back into slumber. But after the event Optimus began to suspect something was wrong with him, that he wasn't right. The abuse of the faux Matrix meant that it started to malfunction and Ratchet couldn't make any adjustments without drawing suspicions. He could only pray that Optimus remained ignorant.

Optimus was concerned, but with time he shook of the oddity of his faux Matrix and Ratchet breathed a sigh of relief... up until Smokescreen made his appearance and brought with him a container which had been welded to his back. Ratchet didn't think much of it once Smokescreen was confirmed to be from Alpha Trion. As such he removed the container and with Bulkhead's help, pried it open.

He regretted that more than anything else.

Within the container was the Matrix, the real Matrix. Every single bot in the base stood still as stone, all of them not wanting to believe it as they looked at Optimus. Ratchet wished he could scream as his creation looked the faux Matrix in his chassis and the real one in the container and passed out.

#maccadam #transformers prime #transformers #optimus prime #ratchet #team prime #orion pax #alternate universe #artificial prime au #secret identities #I've had this idea kicking around for a while #it has so much potnetial #I fully intend to expand on this thought if it proves to be of interest to you lot

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theshadowrealmitself · 5 months

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Supervillain finding out their nemesis’s (the hero’s) secret identity and confronting them, both out of costume, but not doing anything because they’re taken aback by how attractive they are and instead end up making flustered small talk with the hero before leaving

Hero meanwhile has no idea that was their villain

#no fandom #superheroes #supervillains #secret identities #superheroes and supervillains in general

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lovefrombegonia · 5 months

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If JL members are not screaming, crying, throwing up after Batman reveals his secret identity to them then the Brucie persona absolutely FAILED.

#let brucie be so wild no one can imagine this mf is BATMAN #brucie shenanigans #bruce wayne #justice league #batman #secret identities #JL shenanigans

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all54321 · 5 months

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The Irony of Lovers

Summary: Scar and CuteGuy have been secretly dating for a while now. It’s already complicated enough, but with Grian and Scar being friends and HotGuy and CuteGuy teaming up regularly, it gets all the more complicated.

Day 3: Alter Egos/Secret Identities.

@desert-duo-week

#my wrtitng #two posts back to back because tumblr didn’t post the last one #desert duo week 2023 #day 3 #alter egos #secret identities #scarian #hermitshipping #goodtimeswithscar #grian #hotguy #cuteguy #these two idiots #<— temp au tag

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thevoidstaredback · 14 days

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Okay, so, crisis averted. Both of them, really. Red Robin had not asked or attempted to get any more of Danny's drink and the World Ending Crisis was less World Ending and more World Threatening. Either way, no one is hyped up in lethal amounts of caffeine and the world is in no more pieces than it had been before.

That brings attention to a new problem, though. It's uniquely Danny's problem and Constantine and Zatanna and Deadman won't stop laughing at him. He's also pretty sure that Raven is laughing at him in the privacy of her mind, so that's making him feel worse.

The problem is that every single hero that had been at the meeting a week ago that was not a part of the JLD has been overly concerned about him.

So what if he half died when he was fourteen and therefore will never look over either fourteen or eighteen? So what if he consumes enough caffeine to kill an elephant within a few minutes? What is he gonna do, die? That's not a real threat as long as he only fights as Phantom.

Ignoring the fact that he can, in fact, get hurt to the point of near death as Phantom. It's not like anyone knows that, though! Besides, ghosts run on god rules. They can't die, only fade when forgotten. People aren't likely to forget about most ghosts, though, even if they can't remember their names.

He's not gonna share that, though. Let Batman keep his contingency that won't work because the only contingency that will work for Phantom is the one he made himself. Tried and tested! He's marked it off of his Bingo Card.

Anyway. Heros and their kids/proteges have been trying to track him down for the entire week. He can't risk even leaving the House of Mysteries because the Supers are all probably listening out for him and they can't hear him through magic. It sucks. He just wants to go get a cup of coffee as Danny. The second he leaves, though, the Supers will be on him like bloodhounds. He'd leave as Danny, but the rest of the JLD don't know what he looks like as Danny and he'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much. Being stuck as Phantom was going to start causing issues to his human half if he doesn't get to leave soon.

Should he risk it? Is coffee that won't kill him really worth risking the Supers finding out his civilian identity? Sure, they wouldn't tell anyone, but he didn't like the idea of someone being able to pick him out of a crowd when all he wanted to do was blend in. It's why he avoided Gotham and Bludhaven, actually, but that's both self explanatory and another story for another time.

"You're still here?" Zatanna sat on the couch beside him. "You're normally gone by now. You can't not be tired of us yet."

He sighed and sunk down into the couch slightly. "Believe me, I'm tired of being stuck here, but I can't leave. I can't leave as a human because you guys don't know what I look like and, no offense, but I'd like to keep it that way. I can't leave as I am now because Superman will be on my ass quicker than I can blink!" He whined this time, "I just want a cup of coffee."

"What about your special brew?" Raven asked, coming into the room.

"I want to drink coffee as a human. That stuff will kill me if I drink it as a human."

"At least you know your limits."

"That sounded like a dig at someone, Z."

"It was."

"Why don't you just go out under a protection spell?" Raven offered, "We could cast one over you and you could leave. Superman can't hear through magic, so he won't be able to tell. Neither will Superboy."

Danny thought for a second. "You're a genius, Raven! Has anyone ever told you that?"

"A few times," she blushed.

"Well, it needs to be said more!"

Zatanna laughed. "Alright, kid, let's get you outside before you drive yourself crazy."

Practically vibrating in place, Danny waited for the protection spell to settle over him. The second it did, he was out the door and wandering the streets of whatever city the House of Mysteries decided to drop him as Danny instead of Phantom.

"Who are you," was not the question or voice he wanted to hear the second he stepped into the open as himself.

"Danny," he squeaked out through his absolute panic. He didn't dare turn around.

The sound of fabric moving minutely clues him in to the second person behind him. What the hell were these two doing out? It's the middle of the day and there's no attacks going on anywhere in Gotham!

"Where did you come from?" Robin asked.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! This was really bad! Why did the House drop him *here* of all places? Does it *want* him to die again? It was very painful the first time, thank you very much! "Illinois?"

"Was that a question or an answer?" Why is Red Robin here now?!

"An-an answer?"

"Ah, you guys are scaring the little guy!" That was Nightwing. They're surrounding him! Why is Nightwing here? This is Gotham, not Bludhaven. "Give him some room to breathe."

They did not, in fact, give him room to breathe. Maybe coming outside was a bad idea. If he gets out of this no more dead than he already was, he was going to move to the middle of nowhere and become a hermit. Smallville is a town in the middle of nowhere, right? He'll retire as Phantom and move to Smallville until the people get suspicious and burn him as a witch-!

Maybe moving to a big city would be a better idea. Or locking himself in the basement of the House of Mysteries. Yeah, yeah that's a good idea.

"-even listening?"

Oh shit. They were still talking to him! Now is not the time to panic! "Gottagobye!" And then he was running.

Good job not panicking, Danny.

Part 1 Part 3

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oldmannapping · 8 months

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HC: The Batfam’s secret identities keep nearly being exposed through dumb mistakes, and citizens all over Gotham are constantly signing NDAs printed on ridiculously formal Bat insignia letterhead.

Tim: Used his Coffee Club rewards card for a free espresso as Red Robin, forgetting it was linked to his civilian identity because it was 3am and he was running on 42 hours without sleep.

Steph: Used her personal phone to tap-and-pay at Batburger with Cass. Bruce got pissy but she’s like, “Who accepts cash in a post-pandemic world, Mr Out Of Touch?” Used the experience to bargain a work phone out of Bruce.

Dick: Poses the exact same way in selfies with fans as both Nightwing and Dick Grayson. “What? Is it a crime to know my angles? I’m not apologising for having a good side!”

Damian: Constantly threatening people in League dialect as Robin and at school. It’s like a super niche language. People notice.

Jason: Grabbed one of his Red Hood jackets because it was cold and accidentally pulled out two grenades and a gun when asked for ID at the bar.

Duke: Straight up used his Signal powers to find something at the back of his locker at school. Like just lit up the hallway. “I thought I was alone!”

Cass: Took out cash from the ATM as a civilian for Batburgers with Steph, and paid as Black Bat. Someone at the bank traced the serial number of the bill and ATM surveillance footage. Batman declared that this wasn’t Cass’s fault and gave her another $50.

Alfred: Outsourced some of the superhero suit laundering to a professional company because he’s ONLY ONE MAN for god’s sake, and sometimes he needs an afternoon off.

Bruce: Literally just keeps adopting kids who look exactly like all the new crimefighters who help Batman. Has a massive public profile and just. Keeps syncing up families with Batman? People are like uhhh is he expecting us not to notice, or?

And all of them have accidentally posted to the wrong social media account at some point.

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superbat-love · 5 months

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Kidnappers — Burst into the room during an interview between the billionaire Bruce Wayne and reporter Clark Kent. One of them shoots Clark Kent in the chest

Clark Kent — Stares in confusion at the kidnappers for a few seconds, then does the most dramatic twirl and falls onto Bruce with a final croak, pretending to be dead

Bruce Wayne — Pretending to be a traumatized hostage in hysterics while stealthily trying to move the man off him so that he can take control of the situation. Fails because this reporter seems to be the literal definition of dead weight and cannot be moved no matter how much force he uses

#crack #clark trying to secretly shield bruce #secret identities #superheroes are Oscar worthy #said no one ever #dc headcanon #dc fanfic #drabble #text post #dc #superbat #superman x batman #batman x superman #superman/batman #batman/superman #superman #batman #clark kent #bruce wayne

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sunnyrosewritesstuff · 7 months

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Secret Identity: Characters A & B have secret alter egos- they’re both in love with the wrong identity.

Special thanks to @shantismurf and @ponycactus who were exceptionally insistent on this prompt. I might have gone a bit overboard.😅

Remember, I’m utilizing this prompt list. I probably won’t hit all, but I am trying to get to the highest voted ones in my polls. Trying to use different ships, but feel free to shoot me an ask or DM if there’s a specific ship you would like to see for any of the prompts.

I Didn't Know I Loved You

Ship: Bagginshield

Rating: G

Warnings: N/A

Words: 5515

Bilbo had learned by now that he didn’t have much of a role at White Council meetings other than to stand at Gandalf’s side and remain unseen. It was a task made all the easier by his handy little golden ring that turned him invisible. Still, it was dreadfully boring to have to listen to petitions from leaders across Arda, considering he might be sent out to help ‘rectify’ certain situations, yet he did not get a voice to give his own opinions. He had tried to sneak out a few times thinking no one would even notice, and it was true that only Lady Galadriel was ever aware of his departure. At least until Saruman had tried to engage with him. The white wizard was definitely displeased with Gandalf’s pet Burglar that day. To make things easier for his godfather, Bilbo refrained from wandering after that.

“It seems next we have King Thorin of Erebor.” Elrond addressed, ever the diplomat.

Despite being invisible, Bilbo felt himself straighten at the announcement. This was the fifth time King Thorin had appeared before the Council, and his striking figure cut quite the impression into the hobbit. Even now as he strode up so regally, his black hair curling down his shoulders, his piercing blue eyes somehow simultaneously commanding respect as well as giving it. Bilbo wished for just a small moment that he could be visible so Thorin could notice him. Just once.

“Your Majesty.” Saruman addressed. “I would spare you the breath and deny your request, again, if I didn’t fear it would be an insult to your person.”

Thorin’s eyes hardened, and Bilbo found himself slipping another blackberry into Saruman’s pocket. Mostly just a bit of fun on his part, but he couldn’t help taking a small amount of satisfaction when the wizard discovered his white robes were stained with berry juices. Last week, it was elderberry.

“The White Council has been most gracious in allowing me the freedom to waste their time yet again.” Thorin replied coolly, making Bilbo hide his giggles. “However, my petition has changed slightly.”

“Oh? How so?” Gandalf questioned curiously.

“We found it.”

Everyone pressed forward. The Arkenstone. The Crown Gem of the dwarves, untapped source of magical potential, lost in the deep caverns of Erebor thanks to a dragon invading the mountain. After the dragon had run the dwarves out of their mountain, Thorin had sought aid from the White Council only to be turned down. He rallied their armies, along with help from the Men of Dale to kill the beast which accidentally locked them out of their mountain home. He asked at that point for a faster way to remove the stones blocking the main entrance, he was denied again. Thorin found a secret entrance unlocked by a key left to him by his deceased father, opening Erebor for the refugees just in time for war to find them from the Gundabad orcs in the north.

Thorin petitioned for help a third time, this time actually receiving aid, but only in the form of Radagast the Brown, a handful of the Eagles of Manwe, and Beorn the Shapeshifter. That particular slight was the loudest Bilbo had ever heard Gandalf argue with Saruman, and he was fully prepared to run off with the grey wizard the moment he gave the order. Instead, Bilbo had plenty of time to sneak all sorts of things in Saruman’s pockets within the time they remained safe and sound in Rivendell. Against all odds though, Thorin and his allies had pushed the orcs back. That led to sorting out the gold tainted by the dragon. Thorin had pressed the White Council for aid at that point citing the dangers of goldsickness to his subjects. Galadriel had made Thorin a special blend that when mixed with water would wash the dragon’s essence from the treasury. But that had been all they could do for him.

Perhaps it would be prevalent to make note at this point that the White Council wasn’t being particularly obtuse. Well, Bilbo was fairly certain Saruman was, but that was what the berries were for. Thorin’s predecessor, Thror son of Dain, was the one who had first discovered the Arkenstone. So overcome with the beauty of the gem and the desire of any who laid eyes on it, he purposely teased the White Council with it by decreeing they could only treat with ‘he who held the Arkenstone’. When the Arkenstone was lost to the dragon, the White Council became unable to help Thorin in his plight for his people. However, if he had the stone now…

“Show it to us, and we may proceed there.” Saruman demanded.

Thorin shifted in place, looking briefly at his advisor who gave a subtle shake of his head. Thorin heaved a deep breath from his nose, his eyes resigned as he spoke.

“It is being held deep in the caverns beneath the city by an unknown creature.”

Silence sat over the council before Elrond chose to break it first, his face grim.

“Your Majesty, you know that our hands are tied in this matter…”

“I know the agreement that stands between us, no matter how much I, Erebor’s current king, wish the terms abolished. I merely thought…after all we have suffered, you might grant us this when we were so close. You would lend us your…Burglar.”

Bilbo perked up as Thorin’s eyes roamed right over him as if attempting to seek him out personally to make his appeal. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest at the idea of actually being about to do something for Thorin and the poor dwarves of Erebor. He didn’t even care about the potential danger of some unknown creature. Bilbo had done plenty of dangerous missions at the behest of the council already. It would be nice to do a mission that he actually agreed with. However, before he could make his agreement known, Saruman stepped in.

“The members of this council are not available for you to pick and choose for whatever you perceive to suit your needs. And let’s not gloss over the fact that you still do not possess the Arkenstone. While sympathetic we may be, we will not go against the direct wishes of the former King of Erebor. After all, there are laws by which we govern even ourselves or we would be no better than the most base of creatures…”

Gandalf interrupted Saruman’s monologuing thanks to Bilbo’s insistent yanking on his grey robes, catching more than a few stray eyes.

“Now, my dear Saruman, you seem to forget that Bil-our Burglar,” Gandalf corrected after an insistent kick from Bilbo. “Is not a member of the council proper. If he were to offer his services freely…”

“Oh and there’s an idea! Let the invisible hobbit galavant wherever he wishes. You seem to forget Gandalf, that he is governed by the same rules that we all are and when he uses those services for the White Council, he is seen as a tool of our interest, not an individual person.”

Bilbo aggressively stuffed as many blackberries as he could, not just in the pockets but in the hood and billowing sleeves of the arrogant wizard as well. Galadriel, who could somehow see him while invisible, tried to hide her laughter. Thorin, on the other hand, was not amused in the slightest.

“So that’s it then.” He spat. “I’ve appealed to this council time and time again in our greatest need, and you cannot even grant this one favor after all we have suffered?! Then what use are you? A governing body that adheres to outdated laws rather than the needs of the people who seek you out. Rukhstulkh muha barkmêzu! (An orc-smith made your axe!)”

Without even a ‘by your leave’, Thorin turned on his heels marching back the way he came, the spluttering Saruman following him.

“He’s…not wrong.” Gandalf muttered under his breath.

Elrond gave him a pointed look but couldn’t bring himself to argue.

“Hot tempered fool! He expects the world to run at his pace!” Saruman snapped.

“The world does run at his pace.” Galadriel reminded gently. “He’s mortal. A fate none of us can properly appreciate.”

Bilbo felt her eyes upon him even as she spoke.

“Impatience is not a trait of all mortals! However, a legendary warrior falls into his lap to slay a dragon, and he suddenly thinks he is above it all!”

Bilbo was quite done with Saruman’s nonsense by that point. With a tap to Gandalf’s arm and a nod to the fair lady, Bilbo immediately gave chase to the dwarven party. He wasn’t quite sure which hallway to head down when he heard Thorin’s unmistakable voice giving air to his disgruntlement.

“It’s a waste of time and slight to my dignity every time you force me to come here! I’ve had to do everything myself, why did I think this would be any different?”

“Technically Oakenshield has done all the hard work for us, but I understand your point, my King.” The older dwarf with him pointed out.

Thorin rolled his eyes. “In any case, we will have to think of another solution. I can’t very well send Oakenshield down into the bowels of my kingdom after this thing. It’s already proved itself to be quite slippery. It’ll hear him coming a mile away.”

“Perhaps it’s for the best. No one knows anything about this Burglar of the council. It may prove to be more insular than Saruman.”

“I take offense to that.” Bilbo spoke up.

The reactions were instantaneous as the dwarves spun around, hands on the hilts of their swords, their eyes gliding right over the top of Bilbo’s head. His short stature having saved his life many a time while invisible, especially when dealing with the Menfolk.

“Are you the Burglar?” Thorin asked warily.

“I am.” Bilbo answered.

“Unless the council has changed their minds, I have no desire to talk.” Thorin snorted.

Bilbo swallowed thickly, suddenly able to admire the dwarf so much more now that they were feet apart. He bet he could feel the natural warmth dwarves exuded if he took just a couple more steps…

“The council may have made their decision, but I have yet to make mine.”

“I thought you were but a tool of the council’s will?” Thorin mocked.

Bilbo winced, shifting from foot to foot. It wasn’t Thorin’s fault that Saruman had made him cynical.

“Despite what Saruman seems to think, my will is my own. I find it’ll be rather difficult to stop me when I’m invisible anyways.”

Thorin and the older dwarf shared a look.

“That’s a tempting offer, Master Burglar.” The older dwarf stated. “But we wouldn’t be able to handle the fallout with the White Council when it was made apparent you went behind their wishes.”

“And yet if you had the Arkenstone, they would be forced to hear you out properly.”

Another shared look between the dwarves.

“Think it over privately.” Bilbo conceded. “You can let me know your decision before you leave.”

Thorin reached out a hand as if expecting Bilbo to walk away suddenly.

“Wait! How would we find you?”

Bilbo thought carefully on his next words. He wanted to be seen by Thorin, and he might have a way to accomplish such a feat without jeopardizing his alternate identity.

“There is an oak tree in the center of the main courtyard. A hobbit gardener tends to the garden there. He will pass your message along to me.”

Thorin hesitated before nodding. “Very well, we will be there in two days.”

Two days. Bilbo repeated before finally allowing himself to skip away. He would actually get to meet Thorin. The heroic dwarf king of Erebor would know he existed beyond “the Burglar”. Bilbo hurried along to his rooms. After all, he had to decide on what outfit to wear for his meeting with Thorin.

***

The day King Thorin was to meet him, Bilbo could not be dragged out of the garden for any reason. Even Gandalf asking after tea was quickly sent away after making a request for him to drop off a picnic basket. Not that Bilbo had any sort of appetite as he breezed from his azaleas to his daffodils, always returning to the bluebells at the base of the oak tree. He personally transposed the tree from Bag End after losing his parents in the Fell Winter. Bilbo would never be more thankful to the wizard, rescuing him half-starved and frozen, to bring him to Rivendell to live with him. However, Bilbo felt less like a hobbit some days and more like…well, a Burglar. So it was nice to have something with roots to hold him to his own.

The sun rose and fell, and as the fireflies began to dance, Bilbo began to wonder if Thorin was coming at all. He hung his head with a sigh. He can’t say that he blamed him. He would be reluctant to trust someone invisible, someone who’s methods aren’t exactly honorable. He just thought that maybe if Thorin could see the real him…but even that was ridiculous, wasn’t it? After all, love didn’t work like that. Bilbo spun around only to stop short at the tall, burly figure wearing a mask. Bilbo clutched his heart when he realized he recognized the raven beak on the wooden mask. This was Oakenshield.

Oakenshield was the masked dwarven warrior who practically stepped out of legend to defend Erebor at its most dire. Oakenshield was the one to stand before Smaug single-handedly providing enough distraction for Bard Bowman to fire the black arrow that slay the beast. Oakenshield also risked life and limb after Azog had Thorin pinned to drive his blade into the Pale Orc, silencing the threat to Durin’s line forever.

Bilbo had actually met Oakenshield a few times. He learned the warrior had a terrible sense of direction, and he had led him to the White Council’s balcony when Thorin first came to appeal for help. Any time a dwarven entourage came from Erebor, Oakenshield usually traveled with them. His great deeds were enough to see them over the Misties with relative ease. And while the warrior was often uncomfortably quiet, he seemed to have no problem with listening to Bilbo prattle on about anything he could think of to fill the silence.

“You gave me a start!” Bilbo accused when he felt his heart slow back to a normal rhythm. “I suppose you were sent by your king?”

Oakenshield gave a single nod, and Bilbo tried not to display his disappointment too thoroughly.

“Of course. That makes sense. Your king is a busy individual after all. He wouldn’t have time for silly little gardeners like myself. Although you’re a grand warrior! I suppose you have far better things to do than run messages here and there.”

Oakenshield quite vehemently shook his head, making Bilbo tilt his own to the side in question.

“I am always happy to serve my king.” Oakenshield stated in his deep grunt before giving a short bow.

“Oh! Well that’s very admirable of you! You must care for King Thorin greatly to show him so much loyalty.”

Oakenshield seemed to shift from foot to foot before nodding. Bilbo smiled softly, thinking of all the loyalty he would show King Thorin if given the chance. However, this was neither the time or the place for such thoughts.

“Please, sit down. Unless you must return to your lord soon?”

Oakenshield hesitated before gingerly settling himself on the nearby bench. Bilbo plopped himself beside the dwarf having engaged in his company enough to be comfortable. He immediately started talking about all of the flowers and plants he had changed since Oakenshield had last visited. He wasn’t sure if the warrior was actually interested in such things, but Bilbo’s apologies for rambling were always met with insistent head shakes and quiet urges for him to continue. Bilbo figured it must be very lonely when everyone treated you like a legend. He was quite pleased to discover this softer side to Oakenshield and felt very privileged to be able to experience it. He hoped he was becoming a dear friend to him even if his request to maintain correspondence was denied.

“Listen to me rambling on when you had a message to deliver. My apologies.”

The warrior nodded even as his deep voice grumbled. “It was no problem. I like hearing you speak.”

Bilbo gave him a warm smile as he began to dig out his pipe for a nice evening smoke.

“But first, my King has a question about this…Burglar. What can you tell me about him?”

Bilbo chose the wrong time to inhale as he choked on the smoke accidentally filling his lungs.

“The Burglar?” Bilbo repeated. “What makes you think I know anything…?”

Bilbo trailed off at the pointed look he could feel coming from behind that mask. Right, both hobbits and Bilbo was supposed to pass a message to him.

“Well…” Bilbo started, blowing a perfect smoke ring in the air. “He’s had a hard life. The Fell Winter was unkind, to both of us really. I suppose I hadn’t really told you about that, but in any case. Because of his…special ability, Gandalf asked him to serve on the White Council. He was told he would get the chance to help people.”

Bilbo fell quiet after remembering his first mission. He had been so eager to prove himself. So eager to do good. He was going to free some dwarves held captive in the prisons of Tharbad. He had snuck the keys right out from under the guards’ noses, somehow managed to keep the dwarves with their obnoxious boots from making too much noise. Got them all the way to the forest where he was supposed to meet Gandalf, only to find the dwarven guards from Ered Luin awaiting them. Bilbo had literally led them from one prison to a harsher one all because the Firebeards felt it necessary to dispense justice themselves. Bilbo still could hear the howls of ‘Burglar!’ from the betrayed dwarves in his nightmares. It mattered little when Gandalf tried to placate him with their crimes and how he did the right thing. It never stopped him from feeling…dirty.

Oakenshield cleared his throat. “It sounds like you two are very close.”

More than you realize. Bilbo just smiled and nodded. Things certainly got better, and Bilbo could see how what he did was for the greater good. But perhaps that’s why he wanted this job in particular. Retrieving a sacred gem for the one person in Arda who has earned the right at least tenfold. Oakenshield growled suddenly, jumping to his feet. Bilbo gave him a perplexed look as he seemed to pace in his agitation.

“Oakenshield? Have I misspoken?” Bilbo asked hesitantly, unsure of what exactly that would be.

“No! It’s not your fault. I came here because…” The warrior suddenly stopped, retrieving a small trinket from his pocket. “I confess I had an ulterior motive for meeting with you tonight. I wanted to present you with this.”

He fell to one knee in front of Bilbo presenting the object in his hand. It was a dwarven braid bead. Golden with dwarven runes etched on one side and an acorn on the other, it was not lost on Bilbo what this was. What Oakenshield meant to offer. He felt his ears burning as he carefully looked up into the raven mask of the warrior, barely making out his eyes shining in their sincerity. Bilbo swallowed thickly. Certainly, he has come to appreciate Oakenshield, but he didn’t feel the same way for the quiet dwarf as he did for his passionate king. It wouldn’t be fair. Even if Bilbo never actually got to meet King Thorin.

“Master Oakenshield, this is…”

Without waiting for an answer, he dipped the little bead from his palm into Bilbo’s. The hobbit furrowed his brow as the dwarf closed his fingers over it, but his words placated his ire.

“Please. It’s for you. I now know that your heart belongs to another, but all the same. I hope that you will keep it and remember me fondly even if I never get to braid it in your hair.”

Bilbo felt his heart tearing apart at the seams. He never wanted this. The poor lonely dwarf misinterpreting his regards for friendship as something more. He clutched the bead tightly in his fist, feeling it leave indentions in his palm.

“I’m so sorry.” Bilbo choked out.

Oakenshield’s hands hovered as if wanting to touch but feeling such a thing would be unwarranted.

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. I’ll treasure your companionship if nothing else.”

Bilbo nodded, unable to lift his eyes past his toes. He didn’t want to see the heartbreak he was causing.

“I’ll go.” Oakenshield stated softly. “Thank you, Bilbo. For your honesty if nothing else.”

Bilbo remained frozen in his curled up state around the burning bead in his palm, listening to Oakenshield’s footsteps fade away. Before he completely left though, the dwarf paused.

“I suppose tell your Burglar,” He stated, venom leaking into his tone. “That my king will expect him at dawn.”

Tears sprang into Bilbo’s eyes after the dwarf’s departure. What had he done? He didn’t mean for Oakenshield to fall in love with him. To gift him a gorgeous bead to court him. In all his years, Bilbo had never felt more like a Burglar than he did tonight. Stealing someone’s heart unintentionally. What made it worse was the wedge it would place between warrior and king. Bilbo never wanted to come between them, and yet Oakenshield’s departure somehow made that more than obvious that he had. This trip was about to be uncomfortable, but he could be thankful for one thing at least. At least he would be completely invisible.

***

Thorin felt sick. His One, the being his heart sang for was in love with someone else. A Burglar in every sense of the word, and now he was having to travel with said hobbit. Thorin knew deep in his heart, it was his own fault. He could have confessed who he truly was to Bilbo.

Many times he meant to. However, the separation of “king” and “hero” had allowed Thorin to operate around many of the council’s so-called “rules”. For while they had no problem turning down King Thorin of Erebor, when he petitioned as the warrior, Oakenshield, they were quick to give him what he needed. Well maybe not exactly what he needed, but a few extra hands in a war and a basket of herbs were certainly nothing to sneer at.

So he adopted the ruse with very few knowing the truth, and when Oakenshield met Bilbo and felt the Longing, Oakenshield was the one who had to continue pursuing the hobbit. Only to learn, it wasn’t requited. Bilbo was just truly a kind and compassionate being in love with another. A hobbit who escaped the perils of the Fell Winter with him. There was absolutely no other way to interpret the wistful longing in his voice when he spoke of the Burglar’s plight. And when Thorin, in a panic, rushed to present him with his courting bead, Bilbo all but confessed there was another. Someone Thorin now had to travel with as he was the only being who could solve his latest problem. The Burglar was fortunate he was invisible and not subjected to the envy he could feel burning within him.

The hobbit had tried to engage him early in the journey, even asking after Oakenshield. It took everything Thorin had not to bite his head off, and explain that Oakenshield was clearing their way ahead. How dare the little rat! Wanting to rub his victory in Thorin’s face. Balin had to remind him many times to remain cordial considering the Burglar was offering his services freely. The best Thorin could manage were single syllable answers when the painfully inquisitive creature asked about something. Otherwise Balin was left to engage politely with the other being. Something made all the more difficult by his invisibility as they never knew where to look. It put Thorin on edge! And he could honestly say he was never more relieved to see their mountain home.

He left Balin to escort their guest to his own chambers while Thorin marched his way straight to his private study. Blueprints for a garden littered his desk, and it took everything he had not to rip them to shreds. His heart let out a fierce and sudden ache as he sank into his chair, putting his face in his hands. It wasn’t fair. A knock at his door had him back on his feet, his body turned towards the fire the staff had prepared upon his arrival. His quiet ‘enter’ had his sister marching right into the room making herself at home on his divan.

“I take it your petition was a success then?”

Thorin rolled his eyes. Not by any definition of the word. When he expressed this sentiment, Dis pried further forcing him to spill the truth not only about his disastrous meeting with the Council, but also his rejection at the hands of a hobbit gardener. She picked up one of his doodles with a pained grimace.

“I’m so sorry, Thorin.”

He shrugged.

“But you are being pig-headed, I’ll have you know.”

Thorin whirled around, his nostrils flaring. “What did you say?”

She scoffed with an exaggerated eye roll. “This Burglar is risking his standing with his superiors all to help us out of the kindness of his heart, and because your One is in love with him, you’re going to treat him like this? Balin told me that after every attempt at conversation with you on the journey here, the Burglar was left more subdued. You are not painting yourself or our people in a very positive light.”

He wanted to argue, to defend himself and his actions, but he knew deep down she was right. She always was.

“I think you should express your gratitude to him, maybe before he goes down to deal with a dangerous creature that could possibly kill him.”

Was it bad that Thorin kind of hoped he would die? Then Bilbo would be free to love him. His expression must have said it all, because Dis’ dark eyes somehow became softer as well as her tone of voice.

“Nadad.”

Thorin shut his eyes tightly against that soft reprimand. So maybe he didn’t want the Burglar to die, and not just because he was their only chance to retrieve the Arkenstone. Maybe in spite of all he did to keep the invisible being at a distance, he had endeared himself to Thorin. His animated curiosity, his jovial stories at the campfire, his warm tone when he spoke. Maybe Thorin could understand exactly how Bilbo fell in love with such a being, and maybe that made it hurt all the worse.

“I will speak to him. Tomorrow as I lead him to the path below the mines. I promise.”

Dis quietly got up, making her way towards him as she gently bumped their foreheads together.

“I love you, and I am so, so sorry things didn’t work out with your gardener.”

“Me too.”

True to his word, Thorin personally went to fetch the Burglar from his room the next day. He kept himself busy by explaining where this creature they had dubbed ‘the Gollum’ seemed to be most active, what he looked like, and advice for how best to deal with it. The Burglar was a silent companion all the while, so much so that Thorin truly feared he was literally talking to himself like the fool he was. However, stopped outside the tunnel entrance, the Burglar finally chose to address him.

“Thank you, Your Majesty. I will do what I can to bring back your gem and restore your power amongst the Council.”

Thorin sighed. Dis’ words from the previous night were even more of an echo alongside the guilt he felt.

“No. Thank you. You are doing me and my kingdom a great service. I’m sorry that I’ve been…unable to express my gratitude properly. I do hope that you succeed not just on behalf of Erebor, but for…those that rely on you as well.”

Thorin really hoped that would be the end of it, already finding it painful to talk about Bilbo even if indirectly. However, before he could take more than a couple of steps away, the Burglar called out once more.

“Can you pass a message to Oakenshield? In case…well in case I don’t see him again?”

Thorin grit his teeth as he felt his body go rigid.

“What could that possibly be?”

The Burglar hesitated, and when he spoke again, his voice was much softer.

“Please tell him…that Bilbo is sorry. He greatly valued their friendship, and he hates…the rift it’s now formed. Between…the two of you, especially.”

Thorin froze. How did he know? How did Bilbo know? Who knew first and told the other, the Burglar or Bilbo? Thorin spun around to meet the gaze of the hobbit who knew his secret only to huff at the sudden remembrance that the Burglar was invisible. Then that was it then. Bilbo somehow must have learned Thorin was Oakenshield, and he still rejected him. Clearly, there was nothing more that he could offer him. Thorin searched the torchlight for any sign that the Burglar was still there, but found none. Perhaps that’s why he allowed himself to speak freely about it for once.

“I valued our friendship too. More than he can possibly know.”

Thorin waited, breath held, for perhaps some sign that his confession was heard, but when there was none, he gave a huff and continued on his way. He had two guards stationed at the entrance to listen for the Burglar and assist him if needed. There was a tug that seemed to be urging Thorin to stay, but unable to figure out why the dwarf could only shake his head and continue on his way.

He waited for three days for the Burglar to emerge from the caverns below. Each day had him more anxious and agitated. In fact, after a particularly obtuse guild meeting had him snapping even more than normal, Balin called an end to the meeting early. With extra hours to now pace in his worry, Thorin stomped back to his study only to be drawn short at the sight that awaited him.

There, sitting on his desk was the Arkenstone. A gem he hadn’t seen in so long, but could never forget its beauty. Yet, that somehow wasn’t what held his attention. Next to it…was his raven mask. The one he wore as Oakenshield.

“You were right about him being a slippery one. Threatened to eat me more than once. I actually had to best him in a game of riddles to get away if you can believe it.”

Thorin whirled around trying to seek out the source of the voice, but finding no one.

“Burglar?”

“I thought you were two different people. You and Oakenshield. I thought I was creating a rift between you and him. That’s what I meant by my words.”

Thorin shifted uncomfortably on his feet. Ah. Well, he certainly gave himself away there then. Except…why would the Burglar possibly think he had anything to do with the situation if he were separate from Oakenshield?

“You see, I thought you…well, I thought Oakenshield had realized that, I’m in love with you.”

Something deep inside Thorin sang at these words even as his brain struggled to unravel this confusing puzzle. So…the Burglar thought Bilbo created a rift between him and Oakenshield because the Burglar loved him? Well that wouldn’t make any sense unless…

“You’re not the only one who was keeping secrets, Thorin.”

With that, the hobbit suddenly became visible, standing much closer than Thorin had anticipated. His eyes, just as familiar and bright as Thorin saw in his dreams, were shining as he looked up at Thorin. Gauging his reaction. And something in Thorin settled with a feeling of rightness at the golden bead braided to the end of his bronze curls. Thorin realized a bark of laughter, for truly what else could he do in such a situation before grabbing Bilbo by the waist and spinning him in a circle.

“You’re the Burglar.” He stated the obvious.

“You’re Oakenshield.” Bilbo confirmed instead.

“You’re wearing my bead.”

“I would have woven it in sooner had I known.”

“I wish to court you, Bilbo Baggins, Burglar of my heart.”

“I had gathered as much.”

Well, there honestly wasn’t anything else to be said after that. So Thorin held him tight, and kissed him as he had always imagined doing, never realizing there could be a more wondrous feeling as Bilbo slid his hands around his neck returning the gesture just as strongly.

#tropetember #the hobbit #bagginshield #secret identities #oh my gosh that felt like so much!

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