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kpforpresident · 2 years

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clexa 40

Honestly nothing can ever top the @dreamsaremywords response to this prompt but here’s my whack at it.

It was a sultry, humid summer day when the beings from outer space made contact.

Lexa had taken one look at the eerie hovering discs that had crash-landed in Central Park and ran, vaulting over her desk in her hurry to get out the door. She had almost decked another associate in her haste to get to the main floor but kept sprinting, down the twenty flights of stairs. Cold sweat broke out on her neck as she kept her head down and ran. Maybe those five years of the Marines would pay off, after all.

She had never run the four blocks home as fast as she did now, dodging the confused passerby that had stopped to gawk at the slow line of shadowy figures that were pouring out of the opened side of the largest ship? Saucer? Car doors were left ajar, people slowly starting to panic as they realized that the newcomers might not be friendly. Frantic mothers tugged their shrieking babies out of car seats, tucking them in close.

This was confirmed when a shimmering laser beam shot out of the hands of the tallest cloaked figure, instantly cutting three people down, their slain bodies falling like cut puppets.

Lexa sped up, her heart thrumming against her ribcage as she fumbled for her keys, head down and hands shaking. She had never been so grateful that Clarke worked from home.

She burst into their small apartment, throwing the deadbolt and every lock she could as she scrambled around the apartment, slamming shut their curtains. Lexa paused with her hand on the fabric as she saw hundreds more of the gleaming ships filling the sky, slowly blocking out the light from the sun. Lexa twitched the curtain fully shut anyway, closing out the ominous vision. The aliens swarmed the streets, absolute devastation in their paths.

She took a deep shuddering breath when she tried the lightswitch in the kitchen, flicking it and accepting defeat when the light remained firmly off. In the distance, sirens wailed loudly as screaming began in the streets.

“Baby?” Clarke’s worried voice floated out of the den, sketchbook tucked under one arm as she emerged holding a candle. The flickering light did nothing to soften the fear in her eyes, the frown that tugged at the gentle lines of her mouth. Her phone dangled in her other hand- No service scrolling across the glass screen.

“Clarke.” Lexa strode across the space in two seconds, folding her into her arms as she avoided the wavering candle. Clarke dropped her sketchbook and phone instantly, molding herself to Lexa’s figure. A large rumble shook their apartment, Clarke’s hands tightening in Lexa’s sweater as a tremble ran through her body.

“Lex, what’s happening? The news flashed an emergency announcement but then it was just cut off, I was trying to reach you but my phone wouldn’t work,” Clarke’s increasingly frantic babble rose in pitch and volume as she clung to her lover, eyes searching desperately for reassurance in her gaze. She found none.

“Clarke,” Lexa started slowly as she led her over to their couch, gently placing the candle on their wooden coffee table. She tugged Clarke into her lap, Clarke curling up willingly. Lexa felt a lump grow in her throat at Clarke’s trusting gaze. She had protected her, protected them from whatever the world threw at them in the decade that they had been together. But there was no stopping this. A heavier, more foreboding rumble cracked the ground as Lexa took a fortifying breath.

“Baby, remember when I told you about the probe that was sent into the Goldilocks Zone last year by NASA? And how a few weeks ago they had gotten a ping?” She pulled Clarke even closer as Clarke nodded her understanding.

“They're here, Clarke. Whoever pinged back arrived. And it’s not good.” She willed her lip not to tremble as Clarke looked back in terror. “And I think, my love, that we are out of time.”

Clarke scanned Lexa’s face as she leaned back slightly, trying to understand. The wailing of the sirens outside grew louder, the screams rising in number. Another, higher pitched siren joined the pandemonium, the wind picking up as it whistled around their windows, the panes rattling in their frames.

Lexa shoves a lock of hair out of her face, refusing to break Clarke’s gaze as she tries to soak in everything that is Clarke, everything that makes up the woman that she loves. The small dimple in her chin, the smattering of freckles that spray across her nose from the sunny days lazing on their patio. The deep blue of her expressive eyes. Who knows how much time they have left. Clarke nods slowly, clearly still terrified but trusting Lexa. Lexa had run special ops missions for three years while she was stationed abroad. She would have never said there was no option unless there wasn’t; Clarke knew that she had already ripped through every possibility in that beautiful mind of hers.

Their entire building shook again, more omniously, as Lexa gathered Clarke in her arms and slid them both to the floor, tugging a soft wool blanket off the arm of the sofa and tugging it around them. She twines their fingers together, nosing against Clarke’s cheeks as Clarke clearly fights to keep her breathing even, pressing into Lexa so hard it feels like their hearts beat in sync.

“I am with you, Clarke. I love you more than the galaxies combined. In every possibility, in every eventuality, in every world. If there is an afterlife, I will find you there,” Lexa vows as a single tear streaks down her cheek. Clarke wipes it away with a fond but shaking thumb, a watery smile stealing over her face as she recognizes their wedding vows.

“As I you, Lexa,” Clarke breathes back as she wraps her hands around Lexa’s neck, pressing lips together in a familiar dance that they had perfected in the decade that they had loved each other. Salty tears mix into the gentle press of lips, both crying as they gaze and took comfort from each other. There they stayed, pressed in their small bubble of comfort and warmth, in the dark little home that they had made together, a single flickering flame illuminating the room.

They are still kissing, wrapped up endlessly in each other as the world ends.

#i am now slightly depressed #they are reincarnated and live happily ever after in my mind #clexa au #this is not my other ny au i refuse to let anything angsty touch that world #missingcl3xa #kiss prompt #kpprompts

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deadlesbianfight · 11 months

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Bracket Update/Round 2

The 17 characters that WILL be in the bracket:

Tara Maclay - Buffy The Vampire Slayer Lexa - The 100 Dani Clayton - The Haunting of Bly Manor Root - Person of Interest Poussey Washington - Orange Is The New Black Dana Fairbanks - The L Word Riley Abel - The Last of Us Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural Jenny Schecter - The L Word Maya St. Germain - Pretty Little Liars Naomi Campbell - Skins (UK) Peach Salinger - You Tara Chambler - The Walking Dead Kira - The Magicians Leslie Shay - Chicago Fire Lily - Supernatural Shotgun Mary - Warrior Nun

Clarifications:

Can someone please explain Marina Andrieski from The Magicians to me? It says she’s dead in some timelines and also gay in some timelines? She’ll advance to the next round if she is both in the show’s main timeline, whatever that can be defined as (which I also wasn’t clear on lmao).

To the extent of my extensive searching (read: typing the character’s name and dead/sexuality into google) and first hand knowledge, these characters are all lesbians and dead. Please correct me if my googling has lead me astray.

Advancing to second round:

Anika - Scream 6 Bizzy Forbes - Private Practice Cat Mackenzie - Lip Service Delphine - Atomic Blonde Denise - The Walking Dead Gideon Nav - The Locked Tomb Helen - Masters of Sex Marii Yukari - Qualia the Purple Mary Louise - The Vampire Diaries Nora - The Vampire Diaries Paulie - Lost and Delirious Queen Annika & Queen Neha - The Dragon Prince Rachel Amber - Life is Strange Rashida - Swarm Ruth Jamison - Fried Green Tomatoes (Novel) Sandy Lopez - ER Tricia - Orange Is The New Black Valerie - V for Vendetta (Novel) Wendy - American Horror Story Ymir - Attack on Titan Yorkie - Black Mirror These characters will be placed into another google form where you can select up to 10 characters to vote forward. The top 13 will advance to the bracket, and #14 and #15 will face off against Chloe Price from Life Is Strange and Bill Potts from Doctor Who to compete for the final two spots in the bracket.

These two have weird deaths that are either determinant or end in a non-human state (several times), but they do both happen to be lesbians and die, which is more than I can say for half of the submissions I got, so I’ll allow it. Despite the fact they recieved quite a few votes, I am having them participate in this round due to the fact that they *technically* don’t meet the criteria.

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infinite-hearteyes · 1 year

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#SaveWarriorNun

(contains spoilers for Warrior Nun, Killing Eve, The Haunting of Bly Manor, The 100)

Well, here we are again.

If I’m being honest, this kind of not quite unexpected disappointment is becoming really fucking tiring.

Less than 24 hours ago, I read the news on Twitter that Warrior Nun had been cancelled by Netflix. I've already cried, a bunch of times. I've felt hopeless. And I'm angry. Fuck, I'm mad...

Barely a month after its second season was unceremoniously dropped onto the streaming service without so much as an ounce of promo by Netflix, any hopes for a third season have been stomped into the ground. It’s hard to believe we had to sit through a 2,5 year wait between season 1 and 2 only for this to happen…

2022 certainly seems to be challenging 2016 for the title of ‘worst year for wlw television’. For me, the year started off with the ending of Killing Eve. Being a show that had unapologetically showcased a queer lead from its very beginning, I must admit I had quite high hopes for how they were going to wrap up this story. Admittedly, the quality of the writing had certainly slipped since its incredible first season, but still. There were so many ways in which they could have brought the storylines of Villanelle and Eve to a close, that I really thought they would’ve had it in the bag. It didn’t even have to be a ‘happy’ ending in order to provide a passionate (and largely queer) fanbase the closure they craved.

A great example of queer tragedy being done right, to me at least, is The Haunting of Bly Manor. It portrayed the death of Dani in a way that was incredibly truthful to the overall storyline, but also to her character arc. It wasn’t there just for shock; it wasn’t a simple plot device to push another character’s storyline through. It was tragic, and it was beautiful. Moreover, I would point out that Bly never showed Dani’s actual death on screen, which to me, is another huge difference. It showed a sense of respect, not only for her as a character, but for us as the audience too. Whether that was intentional on the writers’ part or not, I definitely appreciated it. Did I still cry my eyes out for an hour after watching the finale? Yes, obviously. But it felt right.

The writers of Killing Eve season 4, however, clearly did not have this kind of respect for their audience or characters. As someone who was part of the fight against the Bury Your Gays trope back in 2016, it felt like they watched episode 3.07 of The 100 and said, “you know what, we should do that too”. The utter carelessness with which they showed Villanelle and Eve what happiness could be like for them, only to rip it away from them (and us) mere minutes later, was disgusting. And on top of that, unbelievably unoriginal too. Lexa and Clarke, anyone?

So that was the start of 2022 for me. Villanelle’s death left me feeling like nothing had changed over the past 6 years since Lexa, as though we were back at square one. Of course, that’s not quite the case, but the hopelessness that comes with seeing this occur over and over again is certainly quite exhausting.

Then came along one of the most campy tv shows I have ever watched: First Kill. Did I absolutely love it? No, not really. But was it a fun watch when I wanted to shut off my brain for a second? Definitely. Besides: campy, cringey, young adult series are found all over the place, and it was great to get to have that for the lesbians too! Unfortunately, it received nearly no promotion from Netflix (hmm, anyone seeing a pattern here?) up until just before it aired. After that, people went crazy over it. Was it the best show ever? Nope, but not everything needs to be! Not that I’ve ever watched it, but how many seasons is Riverdale at again? It was silly, and weird, and over-the-top, and super super gay. Which, of course, sealed the deal for Netflix. Can’t have a successful show about a bunch of lesbians, now can ya?

During the rest of this year, it’s felt like every other week, you’d hear about a new cancellation of shows centering sapphic, bipoc and trans* characters and storylines. I’ll admit, I haven’t watched many of them, because, well… Hard to commit to a show when you already know what to expect.

And then, Warrior Nun came back. Oh boy, was I obsessed with this show when season 1 came out back in 2020. I was going through a rough patch (who wasn’t, this is 2020 we’re talking about) and this show was a great escape. Although I was at first doubtful because of its title, once I saw a preview, I was sold. I think I pretty much binged all 10 episodes. After that, I joined the (absolutely lovely) cast, crew, and the bunch of us viewers that had fallen in love with these characters, for the weekly WarriorNunWednesdays. Those nights, watching and live-tweeting along with everyone, certainly made it obvious just how much these people cared about the show. Interacting with the incredible actresses, writers, directors and crew was fantastic. One of the few positives about that time in my life, truly.

Of course, there was a long wait for season 2. But I was okay with that, because holy shit, we got a season 2!! And in the end, wow, what a season 2 we got! More gorgeous locations, awesome stunts, perfectly paced character development… what’s not to love? I was super invested in the storyline and the characters, who each were fully fleshed out and lovable in their own ways. And Avatrice, oh, Avatrice… The type of quality slowburn that I generally seem to only be able to find in fanfiction. Such incredible chemistry between these women, and oh my god, the dancing scene in the very first episode?! Mindblowing.

Was I pissed at the lack of promo from Netflix? The fact that it was left completely up to the fans and the cast to take up that work? … I think you can imagine my answer to that by now. But we did great! Let that be very clear, and allow yourself to be proud of that: we supported this show beautifully. And did y’all see those ‘hours watched’ for each week?! All the awesome reviews, and the audience score?! We. did. great.

Unfortunately, and I think it’s pretty clear by now, Netflix probably never had any intention to renew Warrior Nun for a third season. They don’t care about these delicately told stories, these awesome queer women leads. They have no interest in gorgeous cinematography, or insane stunt sequences. And they certainly don’t give a damn about passionate fans. It sucks that the likes of Netflix hold so much power in this industry, when all that should be important is quality creative storytelling. Fuck you, capitalism…

It’s sad, and sometimes infuriating, that it never feels like you can fully enjoy a show because of the constant threat of cancellation. But we fought well. And if there’s any chance left, we won’t stop fighting, I know that. This show, and these people, deserve nothing less. I’ll repeat that which we were all saying back in 2016: we deserve better. Don’t forget that.

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for sticking with my rant. Know that we can and will bring change to this tv landscape. There are so many of us, so many who care. Seek out community, take care of yourself and others. Let yourself feel all the feelings that come up. Cherish what you love, keep being creative. It will get better. Yeah, cliché, I know, but it will.

To quote Emily Andras: “Everyone’s happy ending is unique. Don’t settle until you get yours.”

In this life or the next…

#warrior nun #save warrior nun #renew warrior nun #warrior nun s2 #avatrice #ava x beatrice #warrior nun spoilers #wlw representation #killing eve #villanelle #the haunting of bly manor #dani clayton #first kill #commander lexa #clexa #bury your gays #cancel your gays #cancel netflix

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dysco-lymonade · 10 months

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Does lexa ever top in plm?

They’re both switches, for sure. Lexa’s more of a power bottom to Clarke’s service top once their dynamic really starts flowing.

But when she does top Clarke, Clarke always ends up giving it back just as well. Lexa prefers not to use the strap, and Clarke’s good with that, but definitely loves Lexa’s long fingers buried inside of her. And let it be known that Lexa gives phenomenal head.

#anon #pretty little mess #plm #ankle monitor au #asks

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unchartedcloud · 1 year

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New Rules Ch.9 - happened to have thunderstorm Spotify channel on for the foster puppies(just 15 days old) I’m currently taking care of(part of early neurological stimulation)as I’m reading this “Clarke is panting, still out of breath from the impact against the window for the moment, but her eyes are like a raging sea: full of lust and energy and power. It’s an appropriate contrast to the scene behind her, made even more evident as yet another bolt of lightning cracks overhead and thunder erupts a second later”

Also this “Lexa has seen her turn this ability on others, whether on frustrating witnesses or opposing counsel, but has rarely had reason to experience it directly.Now that she is, she’s finding herself strangely breathless. Something stirs in the depths of her, and a future version of herself will think back on this moment and re-evaluate her sexual preferences.” That made me chuckle because like Lexa I consider myself more of a top but damn it all if your description of Clarke and the banter would make me want to submit to her. 🥵 so good. 🐶 anon

Listeeeeen. Listen. Everyone has someone they go weak in the knees for, and who among us would be able to resist an angry Clarke Griffin?

and anyway this Lexa is a service top AT BEST, despite what she might think

Also HOLY SHIT PUPPIES! That's so sweet 😭😭😭 thank you for this glimpse of sweetness it made my morning

#anon love #🐶 anon #I've got mail #clexa #new rules #modern au #my fic

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sassymajesty · 2 years

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Yes exactly, for me it’s always Clarke pregnant

I can’t imagine Lexa being pregnant it just can’t click in my head, she is this tough warrior with a golden heart but destined to be very much physicaly active and engaged all the time, no room for pregnancy and I translated this into all of the AUs

Same as Lexa being a completely submissive bottom…she is a service top or dominant always and forever in my head

I can read some fics where she is a power bottom but that is as far as my imagination can go I can’t help it

somehow i got an image in my head of a heavily pregnant lexa just waddling down the throne room like a little duck and having to support her back when sitting down and when i tell you i am amused :') what a dork

i don't touch canon with a ten foot pole most days, but lexa was already super protective of clarke before they even banged. imagine the security detail clarke would walk around with when they had a baby on the way

i'm not gonna lie, i'm a whore for bottom lexa. but power bottom does fit her best, she'll never go down without a fight

#looking at you oifan!lexa #woman has gotta learn how to RELAX #anon #nina's mail #💌

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ao3feed-the100 · 1 year

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Soulmates

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/LkYP6Nf

by LuciferMontero13

She eyed the letters on her arm She was beyond confused and frustrated as she scratches her arm lightly She has never met anyone named *ALEXANDRIA*

She gulped as she stared at her arm as if it were a bomb She touched it in hope that it would fade away as an illusion It didn’t budge, it didn’t smudge. The thick wording could never be misunderstood It almost mocked With a deep breath she brought her arm near the light and there it was *RAVEN*

Words: 641, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The 100 (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F

Characters: Lexa (The 100), Raven Reyes (The 100), Clarke Griffin, Abby Griffin, Finn Collins, Bellamy Blake, Octavia Blake

Relationships: Lexa/Raven Reyes (The 100), Octavia Blake/Niylah, Clarke Griffin/Original Female Character(s), Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Bellamy Blake/Echo

Additional Tags: Minor Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Minor Raven Reyes/Kyle Wick, Jealous Raven Reyes, Oblivious Lexa (The 100), Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Lexaven, Protective Raven Reyes, Injured Lexa (The 100), i see no lexaven fics so i write one!!!, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Lexa will be protected and loved, raven will be protected and loved, for the gays, Lexa Has a Penis (The 100), Eventual Smut, Shameless Smut, Lexa is a bottom and sometimes a service top let’s be real

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/LkYP6Nf

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #the 100 #the 100 fic

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butmakeitgayblog · 1 year

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Did I hear that you'll be writing MBFW clexa's first time?

Yeah I think it deserves its own little one shot ficlet thing so everyone who wanted a toppy Lexa, that'll be your moment to shine

#anon #MBFW #MBFW Lexa is the closest to a top any Lexa can realistically get for me #and even still it's basically just confident service top lbr the girl dangles on Clarke's pinky

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lexa-griffins · 11 months

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What's this about a 50 50 split???? Bc I am a staunch they-are-switches-they-can-both-top-frag-bottom-bunk and I was despairing back in the clexa fanfic golden age. I like when it's a mix, okay maybe the scales can tip a little towards bottom Lexa, maybe like a ratio of 35:65 = bottom clarke:bottom lexa in my story. So yes I was under no misconception that it was a 50 50 split. Like no it was not. You can see that by the hate some fanfics would get with top clarke/bottom lexa. And that's not even limited to smut! You see comments like " why is lexa always sucha pussy" in stories with badass clarke tags referring to why clarke gets more badass action scenes than lexa. I didn't like it. It wasn't pleasant. I respect everyone's preferences but 50 50 is NOT what it was.

There was a point where the bottom Lexa was always almost a warning to people that didn't like it to stay out than it was for people who wanted to read it to find it! Or my dreaded - we gotta make sure the people reading this fic know Lexa being a bottom here is an exception and that she is always the top in any other time. The idea that Lexa was "weak" by being a bottom was so prevalent on the comments of fics, oh how dare they make Heda bottom dont they know thats for weak meek people and Heda is strong and needs to be on top?!? 😒 (this still happens in some alpha clarke/omega lexa fics, less perhaps but its still there some comment sections!).

It was never 50/50, there was a point where there were barely any bottom lexa fics tagged! I really think people who enjoy both and particularly people who prefer top lexa really do think its a 50/50 split but it isn't! Oh my god it isn't! Even if the fandom on tumblr seems to have a tendency to talk about Lexa as a bottom, when it comes to content, that doesn't show at all!

Like yeah, people can write what they want, but the truth is that bottom lexa/top clarke is the much more unpopular dynamic in practice!

#letter opened #when i posted des i had people in the comments talk a out how happy they were #to read a fic with bottom lexa because they prefered it!#like it was something that happened once in a blue moon!#it is definitely not 50/50 #its not rare or unheard of but its not something you can click on a fic and have the sames chances of being one or the other #the only way my lexa is topping is from the bottom 🤣#power bottom lexa holds a special place in my heart 😌#i also got clarke as a service top in some 😌

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kpforpresident · 1 year

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What are Clarke and Lexa's love languages in plant au?

In my brain Lexa is a Capricorn (same as meeeee) and she really prizes acts of services as her top one (both to show her love but also receive love). When Clarke takes out the trash without asking, when Lexa comes home from a long day at work and the apartment is clean and Clarke has made dinner, candles lit and a Hozier album crooning softly on the record player? You bet your ass Lexa is performing a different act of service later that night 😏😏😏

Clarke is a words of affirmation girly. Lexa leaves little notes taped to their coffee maker when Clarke stumbles out of bed bleary eyed and with rumped bed head, melting when she sees Lexa's neat handwriting and the tiny heart that caps the L that signs the note. Lexa has also taken to nicknames with Clarke, calling her beloved or darling or love in between heartbeats, in between breaths. Clarke smiles the first time Lexa ventures a "love?" when Clarke doesn't quite pick her takeout order quickly enough, stowing that feeling away in her heart.

Lexa started to texting her little snippets of her funniest conversations from customers not long after they dated, looking for any reason to text the artist. Meaningwhile, Clarke's just staring with huge heart eyes on her phone, heart melting that Lexa is taking time out of her busy day to shoot off messages, showing that she's thinking of Clarke.

#thanks for the ask lovely #clexa #plant au

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pillowprincesslexa · 6 years

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Lrb Lexa's obsessed with that Good Earth Cleavage and Clarke love Lexa's ass. Clarke loves getting off on Lexa getting off. One of her fave positions is pulling Lexa on top of her, chest to back, and fucking her with her left hand (middle finger inside her, thumb on her clit) while her right guides her hips so she can grind on her ass. Lexa gets off on feeling used but in control at the same time, nestled on that GEC, Clarke panting dirty things in her ear, teeth and tongue on her neck. -thirsty

#service top lexa yess #thanks this is very helpful ;)#ask #anon #anon thirsty #q lexa #q clarke #q clexa #q the 100 #thirsts

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fratboykate · 2 years

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When I saw that Sue was going to top Emily I wanted to scream “I knew it!! Sue is top bitch!!” But I didn’t want to scare my girlfriend. I don’t think I’ve been more in awe of a character being a bottom since Lexa

??????????

The way that y'all willingly ignore that Miss Emily Elizabeth Dickinson has been bottoming since LITERALLY episode *TWO* is baffling to me. Did we all not collectively see her beg for a private geography lesson then get fucked within an inch of her life by Sue? Lmao. Like...............................what?

The show about 40 minutes into its existence: "Emily Dickinson is the biggest fucking bottom and Sue will gladly service her any time."

Y'all, still to this day:

#i bet no historian ever saw this discourse coming #Emilysue #emily #sue #dickinson #anonymous #answers #myposts

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coeurdastronaute · 3 years

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Nerd 15

Previously on Nerd

It hadn’t been a particularly good sleep. Lexa felt like she woke up every hour or so, each time checking to make sure the softly snoring girl beside her was still there, still asleep. Despite her own tossing and turning, Clarke didn’t seem to move much, just curled up tightly into herself, against Lexa’s side. Lexa kind of liked the feeling of the other body in her bed. She kind of liked that she was the person Clarke wanted.

Sometime after the tenth to twelfth time she woke up, Lexa realized the sun was up, and she couldn’t fight with her body waking any longer. Clarke didn’t move, and the night weighed on her girlfriend.

With a certain effort, Lexa decided to extract herself from the bed, even though Clarke didn’t seem to notice. It actually appeared as if Clarke was a very sound sleeper, as Lexa moved around the room and bumped the edge of her elbow on her desk and hissed at the contact. But as she stood still, she realized Clarke didn’t budge a bit.

Lexa scrolled through her phone as she tugged on some fresh clothes, checking over her shoulder quickly to make sure Clarke wasn’t peaking for some weird reason. She didn’t want Clarke to know how curious she was about the party before she arrived, but a part of her was incredibly interested in what might have panned out.

Like a thief, Lexa tugged on socks and buttoned her pants as she danced through the door in her attempt to remain as quiet as humanly possible. It took her a minute to close to door, watching it slowly inch toward the clasp, and finally it clicked nearly silent. She pushed her hair out of her face and slid into the bathroom, shoving a toothbrush into her mouth as she leaned against the counter and scrolled through the feed of Bellamy Blake’s infamous party.

As she scrubbed she watched the night happen in glimpses. She watched her girlfriend taking shots. She watched her girlfriend in that bikini. She watched her girlfriend look like she was desperately chasing an escape and numbness and it made Lexa mad for her. Lexa spit and rinsed and brushed and decided it was a good idea to scroll through Bellamy’s posts and she couldn’t understand how Clarke could like such different people. Bellamy Blake held week long parties and won state championships and got scouted. Lexa made movies and played board games and couldn’t figure out how to take a bra off.

With a final rinse she called her sister, hoping the time difference would mean she was awake, but as she bounded down the steps, she was met with a voicemail and furrowed. She needed research and information. Anya knew about all of this.

“You’re up early for someone having a sleepover with their girlfriend,” her mother greeted her as she looked up from the newspaper spread out across the kitchen island. Her father looked up over the edge of the sports section before looking back down.

“I told you we didn’t have to worry,” he muttered, flapping the paper out. Lexa rolled her eyes and took a seat.

“It wasn’t a sleepover.”

“Your girlfriend spent the night in your bed. I’d call it a sleepover, and I’d say we’re pretty cold parents for allowing it.”

“I appreciate it, but nothing was going to happen.”

“Good, because we discussed how alcohol can alter perception and consent--”

“Yes, yes,” Lexa sighed and reached for an apple as her father droned on yet again, hoping to avoid another sex talk. “I know, Dad.”

They all remained in a respective silence while working past the moment. It was weird, to want to talk to someone, let alone to have anything to talk about, but Lexa felt this need to figure something out, though she wasn’t sure what it would be. She wished her sister had just picked up the phone.

“So is Clarke…”

“Still asleep.”

“Did you have fun at the party?”

“I wasn’t there long,” Lexa shrugged. “I was at Luna’s working on our submission until late. Gus was there, so I knew people.”

She didn’t mention Michelle from math and her bikini. That felt inappropriate.

“How’s Clarke doing?” her mother pressed, sipping from her coffee again, warily watching her daughter.

“She’s… I don’t know. Sad. Mad. Stuck. Overwhelmed.”

“It was nice that you went to get her. I appreciate you telling us what’s going on instead of trying to sneak around. Anya did that. I can’t tell you how many times I had to pretend not to notice boys sneaking around the yard.”

“Really?”

“We trust you both,” her father explained. “We just appreciate you doing making us have to stretch it so far.”

“And we like Clarke, so we’re happy to help.”

“I don’t really know what else to do, you know?” she muttered, wiping her mouth and leaning against the counter, her knee coming up on the stool. “I think I’d be a little upset too if I were in her shoes, so I would want to probably do a bunch of stuff, but also I don’t want her to be upset.”

Lexa’s father looked at her and then to his wife. She cocked her head and gave him a look, to which he returned a shrug and ushered her to do something. They were stuck as well because no parenting book prepared them for teenagers. And Anya was very different.

“You can’t do anything,” he finally offered.

“Tim!” his wife warned.

“It’s true. You can’t make this better. It’s between Clarke and her mother and her father. But you can be there for her, and try to encourage her to be healthy about grief and pain. You have some experience, I’d say.”

Lexa looked back at him and clenched her lips, worrying the bottom one as she mulled over his words.

“And as much as we love what you want to do and be for Clarke, please don’t forget who you are in all of this. You have needs nad you have goals. Someone else’s wellness is not entirely on your shoulders.”

“I know.”

“But just be around. That’s all anyone can do. Be of service to others.”

“Your father’s right though,” her mother continued. “You can’t fix it, just be there. It’s a boring answer.”

“If Dad were dying would you have an affair?”

“Jesus, Lexa.”

“What?”

“I’d haunt you,” Tim decided before turning back to his paper. “I’d haunt you really hard.”

“I’m done with both of you today,” she decided, tossing her part of the paper in his lap as she walked through the living room. “It’s not even eight and I’m retreating to my office. I hope you’re both proud.”

The pair shared a smile and shrugged as she disappeared down the hall.

“You know, just because we gave you one sleepover, I hope you don’t get too comfortable asking. This was an emergency. It’s always okay in an emergency, and you know the difference.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I have golf in a bit, but this afternoon we could do some driving practice if you wanted?”

“Sounds good,” Lexa smiled.

For no reason at all, except maybe utter relief that she didn’t have to deal with the same problems Clarke did, she hugged her dad’s neck lazily over the back of the couch before making her way back upstairs.

XXXXXXXXXX

The vague memories of the night lingered like the stale taste of terrible vodka and beer, and Clarke smacked her lips, hoping to find any kind of liquid to get rid of the dry mouth. But her eyes felt heavy and glued shut, and her stomach felt like it was currently on the spin cycle, so moving wasn’t entirely feasible.

It had been dumb. It’d been stupid, even. Possibly as far as moronic, to go to Bellamy’s party, but it was the best alternative and boy did it feel nice to escape. Even the current state she found herself in was a welcomed punishment from feeling fine and being unable to exist in the world. Her current physical ailments felt like finally, the universe was manifesting itself, and she could fix the swirling stomach and cottonmouth. She could fix the spinning and soreness and bruises from God-knew what happened last night.

There wasn’t much else to be done, she suspected. Fix this moment, this hour, this day, and hope to survive to another one. It all had to end at some point.

Clarke finally managed to open her eyes, a feat she was certain no other human could have accomplished. She looked around Lexa’s room and gratefully accepted the water bottle and aspirin waiting beside the bed.

It took until halfway chugged, that she realized she was empty and the room was quiet. So she took a breath and held her stomach, certain she could hold it down. Carefully, she dressed, stealing Lexa’s old track sweats and an older soccer shirt, before making her way down the hall in search of something to fill her stomach.

“Someone else’s wellness is not entirely on your shoulders.”

“I know.”

Clarke paused at the top of the stairs when she heard the family talking. It felt like it was about her. She knew it had to be. It made her want to vomit.

“But just be around. That’s all anyone can do. Be of service to others.”

“Your father’s right though. You can’t fix it, just be there. It’s a boring answer.”

It was hard to be the subject of needing things. Clarke wasn’t someone who needed anyone. She wasn’t someone who wanted or needed to depend on anyone, and yet there was a girl, a girl who was too afraid to make a move, who imagined the world in terms of movie scenes and interpreted her own existence in the great world as a cosmic joke, always waiting for the punchline-- and this girl wanted to fix things.

“If Dad were dying would you have an affair?”

“Jesus, Lexa.”

“What?”

It hadn’t been a joke, but it made Clarke smile. No one expected that Lexa was serious, and she wanted to know the answer. There was shuffling and moving, and Clarke crept her way back to Lexa’s room.

She felt even dumber than she thought possible for going to see Bellamy. She wouldn’t do it again. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t. The words echoed in her head. She meant it, she was certain. She wouldn’t.

“You’re awake,” Lexa grinned as she quietly closed the door behind her only to find her girlfriend sitting in her bed.

“I’m never drinking again.”

“Mhm, we’ll see.”

“Don’t be mean to me, I’m sick.”

“You’re hungover.”

“You don’t know what it feels like, do you?” Clarke accused, accepting the orange and another bottle of water that was handed to her as her girlfriend joined her in bed.

“Don’t see much appeal.”

“It always seems like a good idea at the time…”

Lexa just shrugged and crossed her legs. She ran her thumb along the faded script on the side of Clarke’s knee.

“I should head home,” she decided softly. “Sleep this off and such.”

“You could sleep here. I’m just going to work on the car a bit. Maybe go for a run. I have homework to finish.”

“I have to go home at some point.”

“Maybe.”

“It was very sweet of you to come get me.”

“I’m just glad you texted.”

“I’m not going to be like this, you know?”

“You can be however you want.”

It was a sweet sentiment that Clarke didn’t have the mental capacity to sit with, she decided, because she wasn’t ready to decide to be anything. But tomorrow, maybe, she’d think about it. She knew what she didn’t want to be, and that seemed like something, at least.

“I texted Raven to come get me.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I needed last night to cleanse myself, I think. I need today to regroup.”

“You have a very weird process,” Lexa decided.

Clarke just chuckled and leaned forward, burying her face in Lexa’s thigh and sighing.

XXXXXXXXXX

For the moment, the very tiny, very quick moment, everything felt like it was caught up, and Lexa allowed herself a few moments of quiet in the garage, because come hell or high water, she was going to finish the car by the last day of school. SATs were done, finally, and something that didn’t need to be explicitly worried about until scores were released in a few weeks. Her prom outfit was already purchased and prepared. Homework and studying were done. Sports were over for the season and conditioning wasn’t set to start for another two months, though she’d start her own soon enough. Her girlfriend was at work and then going off to a cheer competition for the weekend. Luna was putting the finishing touches on their film school application project. And anyone else that might ask Lexa to do anything was promptly ignored.

Two weeks before spring break, and Lexa was feeling high on her on efficiency.

All in all, Lexa decided that she had at least three days to power through as much as she could with her dad in a final push before sending it off to the paint appointment.

She hadn’t counted on her sister though, and as her phone blared, interrupting the music playing over the speakers, she smacked her head on the body of the car and slid herself from under it, grumbling the entire time.

“Don’t you have fancy plans. It’s a Friday night,” she chided the eldest.

“I’m getting ready, I was just thinking about you.”

“Gross.”

“Because I ran into a girl that asked about you and I had no idea you had a friend at CMU, let alone a drop dead gorgeous film student.”

Lexa furrowed and twirled her wrench around before trying to dive back in under the seat and finish installing the seatbelts in the back. It dawned on her then and she snorted.

“That’s just Costia.”

“Ohhh, just Costia-- who the fuck is Costia?”

“I met her when I came to visit last fall remember? You were the one telling me to make a move but I was very drunk, something you did to me as well?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“At the party. I posted a picture…” she grunted and twisted. “She found me on Instagram. We talk about movies and I’ve shown her some of my stuff and junk.”

“Interesting.”

“Why?”

“Just not many freshman looking to hang out with high school juniors.”

“I’m clearly advanced.”

“Clearly,” Anya rolled her eyes over the phone.

“I’ve been talking to her about film programs and applying--”

“Here? You’re thinking about coming here?”

“Fuck!” she hissed and sat up, doing her best to suck on the cut that came to her thumb from her maneuvering. “I don’t know.”

It wasn’t a serious inquiry, Lexa thought to herself. She was set. She had a plan with Luna. They’d had it since they were ten, and there was really on reason to deviate from it. But then a stranger liked her stuff, and this stranger made stuff Lexa liked. And the stranger became a friend who gave her some screenwriting tips and pushed her to get better at it. And the stranger told her the east coast was just as important to film.

But it didn’t matter.

There was a plan.

“You should seriously consider it. It’s a great program I hear. Come out for spring break!”

“I should stay here.”

“And do what? Work on that car? Dad already told me he’s sending it out for interior and paint. You’re pretty much done anyway.”

“Mom and Dad have conferences that week. I was going to watch movies all week with Clarke.”

“Bring her too. Sounds like she needs an escape.” Anya was getting excited, and Lexa was tugged along for the ride. “You can crash in my dorm. Even just for a few days, not the whole week.”

“Mom won’t like me missing so much time to study.”

“Call it a college visit for a potential school.”

“Luna will lose her mind,” Lexa shook her head and pinched her thumb to try to stop it without a bandaid.

“Fuck Luna. I’m going to ask Mom if she’d rather you were here, supervised by me, or home alone for a whole week.”

From the change in volume, Lexa knew she was texting immediately. She sighed. It would be fun to see the school as a potential option. It might even be nice to catch up with Costia. It would even be better to see her sister, who just at the moment, she realized she’d missed since her last visit.

“Should I ask Clarke if she wants to go?” Lexa finally ventured, returning to her work.

“Definitely.”

“Should I really consider your school as an option?”

“You should.”

She had a plan, Lexa remembered, and there was no point deviating, but she did want to see her sister.

“If they say it’s okay.”

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