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singingunderthecurtain · 6 years

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No spitting, only swallowing! (Request)

Author: @julietsoddeye AU: Vampire | Soulmate Genre: Humor Pairing: Vampire Sehun x Human Reader Trigger Warning: None, just a fun fic that I can’t take seriously. I’m sorry. Word Count: 1,510

Plot: You always find your best friend’s boyfriend to be weird. But going to their joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party, you uncovered his deepest, darkest secret. Oh and apparently you also found your soulmate, so yay, right?!

A/N: New drinking game! Every time the word ‘dick’ is mentioned, take a shot. Lmfao kidding. This is a universe where Vampires and Humans co-exist without problems. Hope it’s not sucky at all for yall, after all this is a humorous fic. Hope you like this one, this is for you @itsmeayishaa ♥

Heey /)///(\ omg you're amazing fjkdnfs I'm suddenly all shyyy xhjshds may I please request a Sehun vampire au? Where he meets his soulmate in an unexpected way/place which somehow leads to an accidental kiss?? >///< Or if not you can take the story any way you want ~ I don't mind hehehe thank you in advance sweets ♥ ♥

Arriving late at the penthouse of this famous five-star hotel in the city. You didn’t expect this Bachelorette party to be so… Co-ed.

The butler’s face contorts uncomfortably when he took a big basket of dicks from your grip. You felt bad and apologetic with his reaction. But your best friend actually requested for you to get a bunch of dick choco pops for a party game.

“Oh, there she is!!!”

Andi, your best friend, howls when she saw you slowly and awkwardly emerging from the entrance. The crowd of twenty or so people twirls their heads in your direction, immediately making you suddenly feel nervous and small.

The butler finally left you alone to drop the basket on the table spread full of drinks, snacks, and gifts.

“What took you so long?”

Andi ran to you, meeting you halfway with a kiss on your cheek as she shoves a cocktail drink in your hands

“It’s a Friday night, I got caught in a little traffic.”

You were about to take a sip of the drink when she suddenly pulls you to where everyone was. You instantly recognize your group of friends, plus Junmyeon, Andi’s fiancé, and his equally strange group of friends.

You don’t really hang out with Junmyeon or his friends much unless Andi literally begs and kneels in front of you. There’s something about them that shakes your insides in a very not good way. And up until now, you still cannot point out what it is about them that makes you uncomfortable. Even after all these years of Andi and Junmyeon being together.

Sure, you’ve dealt with a lot of rich snobs like them in your short life, you’re a secretary for one dammit, but something about Junmyeon is not normal...

He treats Andi like a Queen and she assures you Junmyeon is a fine gentleman. Maybe, you just didn’t give him the proper attention as much as your best friend would like. Now you feel like a shitty friend, great!

“Should we start the first game since (Y/N)’s here?”

One of your girlfriends, Joni who planned the party, asks no one in particular. All the girls then roar with excitement. The men though have empty reactions, probably just as clueless as you are with the night’s plan ahead.

“Did you bring the dicks?”

Few of Junmyeon’s cronies snort with laughter, your cheeks immediately flush with the frankness of Joni’s question. You coyly point at the basket that was on the table and she signaled for one of the butlers to bring the stuff to her.

“Okay, since our Andi is marrying a vampire and—”

“Wait… A what? A vampire?!”

You screech, not letting her finish what she was about to say. Your mouth opens in shock as you look at Junmyeon. He had an uncertain smile on his lips, worried that you’d hate him even more now that you know his secret.

“Do you have a problem with us?”

You heard the sadness in Baekhyun’s voice when he spoke up among the crowd of close friends.

“No, Baek. She’s just a little iffy with your kind.”

Andi offers an explanation. You faced her with your forehead creased and mouth still hanging open.

“Wait, so that’s it? Junmyeon’s a vampire?”

“Well, I thought you’d have a problem with me dating one because I know you really hate your previous asshole vampire boss.”

Andi grimaced as she clings on Junmyeon tightly. She’s waiting for you to yell at her or something, but it never came. You did hate your old boss and you never really cared about the vampires in your society, but you’ll never judge her for marrying one.

“Andi,” You paused as you clutched your chest dramatically.

“I did have a bad experience with my old boss but I would never discriminate all vampires just because I encountered one who was an asshole.”

You pouted. And Andi pouted as well. You need to have a better communication with her, your busy lives shouldn’t get in between your friendship. It’s mainly your fault though because you avoided Junmyeon’s company like the plague.

“Come here!”

Junmyeon opens his arms wide. Holding Andi on his right, and reaching his other arm for you to take. You gladly walk over to them and embraced both Andi and Junmyeon, rocking them gently.

“Wow!”

“Finally!”

“Yay!”

All your girlfriends express their awws and squeals of joy in a chorus.

“Now that everything’s clear, should we start the actual party?”

“Yeah!”

Andi shouts out before giving you another tight embrace to whisper a ‘thank you’ in your ear. You smiled and whispered kind words back to her.

“Okay, the first game is Girls versus Boys eating contest. I only need one representative for each group. Whoever eats more pops in sixty seconds, wins!”

Joni then proceeds to grab the choco pops from the basket and drop them on a small table in front of 2 chairs.

“What the hell? That’s so unfair, why does it have to be shaped like dicks?!”

Sehun complains, his arms crossed in front of his chest and a disgusted expression embedded on his face.

“Shut up Sehun, this is a joint party! I even allowed Jongdae to call strippers to dance for Andi and Myeon!”

Joni requites.

“You’re such a negative Nancy! Why don’t you represent our group then.”

Chanyeol then pushes Sehun on one of the chairs that was facing one another where the reps would sit face to face while eating the pops. Everyone started laughing when Sehun almost face dived into the basket of dicks.

“I nominate (Y/N) for our group!!!”

One of your friends shouts out, making Andi and Joni seal clap nonstop. Shit.

“Please. For me? Plus you love chocolates anyway!!!”

Andi bats her pretty lashes and you roll your eyes complying anyway as you sat on the chair opposite to Sehun.

“Fine, I’m gonna swallow my pride just this once… Literally.”

You smirk proudly with your dick joke and everyone roared with laughter except for Sehun. His face was warped in disgust looking over at the ten or so dicks he has to eat in front of him. Joni and the girls helped you and Sehun remove the plastic covering of each pops for easier access.

“Okay, at the count of three you better start eating!”

You scrunch your nose, giving Joni a determined nod as you prepare your mouth for dicks!

“One… Two… Three!”

“GO!”

Everyone screams and both you and Sehun each grab one pop. Sehun hesitates, looking at you with pleading eyes. His peepers almost pop out when you shoved the three-inch chocolate dick into your mouth and bit the straw stick, sliding it off the candy.

“Holy fuck!”

Jongdae curses as his jaw hang open with what you did.

“Come on, Sehun! She’s on her third dick!!!”

Junmyeon shouts in his friend’s ear. Sehun almost chokes on the candy, hitting his chest hard with his fist spitting out some chocolate on the floor.

“Hey! No spitting, only swallowing!!!”

Baekhyun teased. You cackled loudly with the dick joke before shoving one more pop into your mouth.

“Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven… Six…”

Joni starts her countdown and everyone follows suit. You then start chewing like your life depended on it, grabbing another pop as you continue so.

“Five… Four… Three…”

You bit half of the dick before the time ends.

“Two… One… STOP!”

You drop the half-eaten dick and bang your palm on the tiny table as you successfully swallow. You open your mouth wide to show everyone that you’re finished. You peer at Sehun who’s mouth still full and chewing, with a sour look on his face.

“(Y/N) ate three and a half, while Sehun only ate two! Girls team wins this round!”

Joni announces triumphantly as she hangs a paper mâché medal around your neck.

“This is bullshit!!!”

Sehun kicks the table, knocking it over and making the contents of it to fall on the ground. You were about to step up and push Sehun when you lost your footing.

Just like in movies and dramas, you tripped and fell on top of Sehun, your lips accidentally crashing together. You almost roll your eyes with the cliché.

“Ohohohoho~~~”

You heard Chanyeol tease and everyone cheering like the two of you are some kind of circus attraction in front of them.

Immediately standing up, a loose thread on your flowy top sleeve snagged on Sehun’s shirt button. Revealing to everyone your right shoulder where your soulmark is located.

“Sehun, look…”

Sehun follows where Junmyeon’s finger was pointing at; your shoulder. You heard his breath hitch and his eyes widen when he saw the mark permanently tattooed on your skin.

Sehun starts peeling off his shirt sleeve, revealing the same soulmark at the same location as yours.

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calcifermovesthecastle · 6 years

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Time for a little Backstory and Movie Review

So I’m not sleeping tonight

Jkjk I’ve got my cat steve I’ll be fine.

So, When I was around 12 or 13, at my beloved church summer camp, This is gonna sound crazy sorry, I woke up on I think it was wednesday night, and saw 3 im going to call them bodachs, a term I got from Odd Thomas. (Great book by the way) Two of them were standing by my bed, and one was at the end, half out of the ground. (I was sleeping in a mushroom chair on a dare, because I was tiny and I could fit. It faced my bed, where the things were. It was about three in the morning when I saw them. The one that was half out of the ground crawled towards me at a very very fast rate, I woke up my counselor, and for like three years after that, I would periodically wake up in the middle of the night and see some of these bodachs walking around my room or around my bed

I was a good little baptist girl, so naturally I didn’t believe in ghosts at the time (I also thought being gay was a sin, but It’s not and I support everyone in that community, aaaand I also believe in ghosts oops I’m an abomination at my church and they don’t even know it haha)

Sooo, After about three years, I stopped seeing the bodachs and I sort of forgot about it.

Cut to like three days ago.

And I’ve only confided in my wifey friend about it, because my other friend who has had similar experiences has told me that I don’t have any entities or spirits or whatever following me, but I have come to not believe her due to the occurrence of recent circumstances

Yall, I shit you not. I’ve had some weird experiences in my short 20 years.

Three days ago, I got an Alexa Dot in my room. I plugged it in, it connected, hooray!

It keeps unplugging by itself.

and no, my cat steve is not unplugging it. I havent plugged it back in for two days, and I just got steve yesterday

I shit you not. God’s honest truth.

Three nights ago, I was sitting in my bed. comfortable, warm, almost asleep. my Himalayan Salt lamp on low, because I’m a bitch ass pansy and can’t sleep without a light on.

I literally felt someone grip my heart, and I saw a bright white flash of light, and I didn’t fall asleep until about 1:30, because I was terrified.

and like I said, My alexa will not stay plugged in. I’ve never had a problem with anything else in that socket.

I sleep with a shower curtain over my bed, so my bottom bunk is like a cave. I don’t know if There are bodachs in my room. I’m not about to pull my shower curtain back and look.

My other cat Sascha, part of the reason Steve is in my room, because she currently hates him, will stare at nothing in the basement with her hunting face. you know, the one where their pupils dilate until their whole eye is a black mass of pure energy? And she’ll meow and slink by the spot she’s staring at and nothing will be there.

My Old cat, who is dearly missed and I loved him a lot, Would do the same thing. And it’s not a breed thing. My old cat, Frankie was a Persian, Sascha is a domestic short hair I got from the Humane Society.

At my one friends house, she will be labeled sister friend, She has two spirits there, Alex and Raren. Raren likes to stay in her room, Alex likes to roam the house and lock the doors and other stuff. Alex has shaken me awake no less than two times, because I’m a bitch and cant sleep in the same room as someone who snores. So I sleep out on the couch in the living room, and I don’t even remember why he’s shaken me awake.

Now, Onto the movie review!!

Just got done watching Paranormal Activity for the first time.

They were very stupid about the whole thing.

I personally would have put a salt line at the door instead of BABY POWDER COME ON, or even surrounded the bed in a salt circle. (I would love to do that at my house but honestly I would rather get killed by a vengeful spirit or a demon or whatever than my angry mother.

I would not have gotten that ouija board, or Luigi board, as we all heard it when we were eight don’t even lie

TL;DR I’m clinically insane and paranoid and I love my cats

#Paranormal activity #my life #my cats #cats #Steve is the star of the Show

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