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gigakoops · 2 years

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A Bit About Myself

I’ve not regularly used Tumblr in a very, VERY long time. Beforehand this blog was mostly for recaps of the series “Simba the King Lion,” a production by Mondo TV that I still have massive interest in (I plan on re-watching it a third time at some point). However with Twitter being bought by that rat bastard Elon Musk, I’ve decided to just come back here to resume my more normal posting, at least until some other platform inevitably becomes the most popular one and I end up having to go there to promote my art and music.

So I thought I’d like to just take a little bit to introduce myself to anyone who originally followed me for the recaps, if anyone who originally followed me is still on this site. If nothing else, this should at least be a good introductory point for any new followers. My name is Gigakoops, I’m a trans woman currently living in Norway, and I’m a musician and digital furry artist. I’m also an enthusiast for “funny-bad” TV shows, movies and video games, and am also an avid fan of rhythm games. I’ve been in the Rock Band community for over a decade now, and while I don’t really hang out in any close-knit communities, I still play Rock Band and Clone Hero on a regular basis. I’ve been a furry for a long while, though I haven’t posted much about it on Tumblr, since I was at the time shy about interacting with that community. Since then I’ve started doing furry art, and while I’m still learning and improving, I’ve been happier and happier with each digital art piece that I make. My main OC/fursona is a fox, and she’s also the avatar I use in the experimental band I’m in, Negative Øhio. Speaking of music, I’ve actually been writing music for over a decade as well. In fact, I originally wrote music specifically to be difficult to play on Rock Band, back when they had a program called the Rock Band Network that allowed artists to put their own music in the game officially. Back then my music was strictly chiptunes, and while I initially got a lot of negative feedback for it (some of which was quite frankly toxic) I’ve grown to really enjoy those songs again in recent years. Nowadays my music has taken a turn towards Nintendocore, a fusion genre of chiptunes and metal/hardcore. If you want to listen to my most recent solo music, here’s a link to my most recent album. I am working on more music, though not sure when I’ll be able to publish any of it. As mentioned I’m in an experimental band called Negative Øhio. We make a variety of different types of songs, ranging from low-key but disturbing trip-hop, to harsh noise, to industrial metal anthems about trans rights, to freeform jams put through the meat grinder, to all sorts of different, noisy things. We’re currently working on our third album, and recently released a new song, if you want to check out our 10-minute avant-garde death metal masterpiece that’s also a critique of Orson Welles’ “Citizen Kane.” Outside of my artistic endeavors I’m also really into music, video games and movies in general. I enjoy lengthy RPGs, as well as casual life-sims and rhythm games in general. I’m also into all sorts of different types of music, though in recent years I’ve been gravitating more towards metal, noise, progressive rock, and older techno/gabber, as well as whatever you call the Seitama series of songs in Taiko no Tatsujin. As for movies, I enjoy comedies, horror films, and certain types of art films best (the type that don’t really do a lot of exploitation, I’m talking films that just have unique ways of tackling themes that most mainstream films wouldn’t really address). I also tend to like a lot of films other folks don’t; for example I genuinely think the 1990′s Mario movie is a pretty good dystopian sci-fi movie, and I’m all for the canon that it sets forth for the Mario characters. But I also enjoy a lot of “so-bad-it’s-good” media. In recent years that’s taken the form of me playing through infamously broken video games to completion, just to laugh with my wife about what’s unfolding on the screen. But my main interest here is films. In fact I have a knack for finding obscure films that are hilarious for all the unintended reasons, and genuinely appreciating films that go out of their way to approach things in the most obtuse, confusing way possible, and find these sorts of films genuinely enjoyable and worth watching, even if not for the intended reasons.

Thus was what brought me to making this blog back in the day. I originally found out about Simba the King Lion when doing research about Mondo TV, the production company behind The Legend of the Titanic (an infamous knockoff to James Cameron’s Titanic that claims the accident never happened, and includes a plot involving talking animals, oil barrens trying to gain legal whaling rights, and a scheme involving tricking an octopus into throwing the iceberg at the ship). When I saw this company made a knockoff series of The Lion King I had to watch it, and my mind was absolutely blown by what I saw. Anyways this post is super, duper long and I apologize, just thought I’d introduce myself a little bit. I plan on using this blog mostly to post random things from now on, mostly art, music and shitposts. If you stick around I hope you enjoy my feed! (Don’t blame you if you only came here for the recaps and plan on unfollowing, this is quite the format change).

#update #status update #please understand #introduction #intro #movies #tv #mondo tv #Simba the King Lion #gigakoops #negative øhio #music

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lovemesomesurveys · 2 years

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Are you the quietest among your social circle?

I don’t have a social circle or friends anymore.

What are you currently wearing?

That lovely hospital gown I’ve been rockin.

How many nicknames do you have?

Steph and Sis mainly. My fam and I also call each other Boob and Boobala lol.

How many messages have you received today?

Zero so far today.

Do you like to vent when you have a problem or keep it to yourself?

I tend to keep to myself in person, then vent and ramble online. It’s easier for me to write it all out.

What’s your favorite fashion trend?

I don’t know what’s even trendy these days.

What’s something you like to have many options to choose from?

Clothes, food, drinks, things to do.

What’s a modern device you would find difficult to live without?

My laptop and phone. Especially my phone nowadays, which I’ve come to use all the time since being here and giving me something to do. At least I can still come on here and whatnot.

Have you ever dried and preserved flowers?

I put my senior prom corsage in a Zip Loc bag and kept it. Of course it died that way, but yeah I still have it.

What is something you can’t imagine ever doing?

Skydiving. That’s never happening, trust me.

Would you count to 10,000 for $1,000 dollars?

Mehhhh.

When did you last take a selfie?

Over a month ago.

What was the last favor you done?

I don’t recall.

Are you currently watching something or listening to music?

I’m listening to an ASMR video.

Have you recently been sick?

I’m dealing with a lot of health related things right now.

Last coffee order you got

Regular with cream and sugar. I miss coffee so much 😩

Are you a naturally cheerful person?

No.

Have you ever listened to a song on repeat for hours? Which songs?

No not on repeat, but I’ll listen to it often.

How many surveys do you usually take in a weeks time?

I used to post a ton, but I’m not able to do that right now.

Current mood?

The usual: depressed, anxious, stressed, exhausted. And hungry.

What’s some positive news you’ve heard recently?

Any improvements that are made, no matter how small. I have to hold onto that.

Have you ever lost your taste and smell at the same time?

When I have a bad cold cause I’m all stuffed up, which affects my sense of taste.

Have you ever frolicked through a field?

No.

Do you eat at McDonalds?

Very rarely. I did more often in my younger days.

What’s a trait you dislike in some people?

I hate arrogance so much. <<< Sameee.

What is something you find unnecessary?

Hmm.

What is something you’d define as ethereal?

For me it’s being at the beach.

What’s an issue you’re currently experiencing?

Health stuff.

Are you or anyone in your family good singers?

Lol 🤐

Are you currently wearing something red?

No.

When did you last feel empty?

I’ve felt that for a long time.

What did you last consume that had sugar in it?

A cookie snd Pepsi over a month ago.

Are you ready for the upcoming season?

Yessss. Summer can go.

Have you ever had a bicycle accident?

No.

When did you last look up at the clouds?

*shrug*

Do you have a garden?

Nope.

When did you last have a bellyache?

A bit of one last night.

What did you last change?

My gown.

Do you find it annoying when people tell you to cheer up or just smile when you’re upset?

Extremely. It reallyyyy irks me when people say, “chill out” or “calm down”, though.

How often do you go outside?

Wasn’t often before, but especially now. The things I’ve taken for granted…

Is it currently hot where you live?

Ugh, YES. Triple digits all the time.

What did you do first thing when you got out of bed this morning?

Can’t get out of bed, but first thing I had done was the usual morning stuff nurses do like give meds and check things and whatnot.

Have you ever spent a whole day in bed?

Numerous days throughout my life. It’s been over a month now and I literally am in bed the entire day.

Are you more sensitive to heat or cold?

Heat for sure. I don’t do well at all.

What is something you are good at?

Nothing I feel like.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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dklem · 5 years

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I’ve been posting my inktobers on insta but figured I’d post them here too Here’s day one!

#inktober #dc comics #harley quinn #since i have nothing new to post here..... digital is a bit difficult to me rn #gonna post each one on its own so prepare for a bit of a spam haha

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thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness · 3 years

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Spice e-plus interview Die & Toshiya 27th April 2021

DIR EN GREY: What’s the current mood of a band that chose to move forward even in times of Corona? DIR EN GREY is releasing their 32nd single "Oboro" on April 28th. After a series of cancellations and postponements of their lives due to the Corona outbreak, the band continues to move forward with activities such as “Explosive screening ‘Meguro Rock-May-Kan GIG”, an unattended live performance recorded at Meguro Rock-May-Kan GIG, that is being screened at live houses all over the country. We asked Die (Gt) and Toshiya (Ba) remotely about the shocking music video, the new song "Oboro", and the current band mood.

Notes before reading: This is Die and Toshiya’s interview for the Japanese website Spice E-plus published on April 27th. Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistakes or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) --- Original interview: Here

Text by: Yohsuke Hayakawa ---This interview was done on the last day of the “Explosive screening ‘Meguro Rock-May-Kan GIG” but, even though there is no audience in that live, the band could play together on a stage for the first time in a while.

Die: That’s right. There was no audience, however at the time of recording there were some moments in which it was difficult to play as there were no limits. The fact we were able to get together for the first time in a long time and play together as a band was simply touching/ emotional. However, it becomes difficult if you can’t see the audience. Last year we did an unattended live broadcast but that was the first time and as it was broadcasted in real time, I was nervous. In that sense, this time was a bit different from the previous live without audience we did. -How was the “Meguro Rock-May-Kan GIG” for you, Toshiya? Toshiya: First of all, I think it was the best thing to be able to show movement as a band. Also, I’d say overwhelming? About being able to play together, I think the words I’d use would be “happy” and “fun”.

-Ah, it felt like returning to a place that it’s like the origin of the band. Toshiya: That’s right. When the five of us played together for the first time, it was interesting and fun, somehow, I think I was really nervous about it. It’s not something that paralyzes you, I think it was a natural feeling after all. In this special environment because of Corona, it was like the first time we played together, I thought again “after all, this is it”. -In terms of freshness, you also had the chance to play “Ochita koto no aru Sora” (digital single released in August 2020) live for the first time. Toshiya: Yes. After all, I could realize that as opposed to when you play it with headphones, the rhythm is adjusted in an atmosphere in which the air is moving around. Die: Actually, I felt it was a song that felt familiar and I was playing it while feeling that if we went on tour, I would be able to create more and more grooves.

“ We can’t play lives but as we are making songs for the album, we are moving forward. I’m hopeful because of that” (Die) -Along with the latest songs, there were some nostalgic songs that suit “Meguro Rock-May-Kan GIG”, especially “JEALOUS” was a surprise. Moreover, it was the original version, not the “reverse” one. Die: Hahaha. Well, we’ve played old songs on the "mode of ~" tours, so it’s a song we can still play. However, the tempo of the songs at that time was too different from what it is now (laughs). It’s simple, but it feels like I’m playing a song from another band. Toshiya: Regarding “JEALOUS”, we were planning to play it at the cancelled tour『TOUR20 Sogai』 - I didn’t expect to heart it at this timing. Hearing it after a long time…. the impression I got is that the sense of consistency has increased in “JEALOUS”. Die: Hehehe. Toshiya: I think that's right. As we didn’t listen to the click (of the metronome) in the old songs, if someone was going faster, everyone would go faster to keep up the rhythm, and if someone messed up, everyone would be drawn into that. In that sense, I had a lot of freedom but as recent songs (the rhythm) are matched by this clicking, in order to do that, I tried “JEALOUS” using a metronome this time. That’s why I think you got that impression that it “clicked”. Die: Well, I think we should had done it more freely. Not using a metronome click as we used to do, the tempo of the song is determined by the feeling of the venue. Certainly, at that time, everyone was doing it like that so I wish we could do it in that way this time too. Toshiya: Yes, that way is a possibility as well. If we have a chance, I think it would be good to do it in such a highly flexible situation. Well, from time to time there will be different rhythms within the band, if the members are simply playing at that moment and doing well, I think the audience will listen to it naturally and will go with it comfortably. -I see. So, it’s been said for a while you were in the process of making an album, has your mindset changed since when you were working in “Ochita koto no aru Sora", which was done in a relatively early stage of this Corona situation, until now? Die: For me personally, I don't think it has changed. From the beginning, my feelings are heading towards a new album. We are releasing a single this time, but we were working on arranging different songs in parallel, so the mood is basically the same. We haven't been able to play lives since last year due to the corona, but that doesn't mean we've changed the way we make it. Basically, it hasn’t changed our way of working remotely. “When I listened to the melody, I felt the hope that "I'm sure we can make something beyond our imagination next time." (Toshiya) -So, how about you, Toshiya? T: Personally, there have been quite a few changes during that time. The world situation has changed due to the Corona situation and I wondered if we could released the single we made and if the fans would listen to it. I want to play concerts but I can’t do it……how could say it?....this is my point of view but….it’s like I didn’t know what’s the purpose of the band, it’s a bit confusing for me. It's a big thing for me to think that way. Well, now I feel like I have no choice but to move forward. Until that seemed like that, I was thinking where I should rely on, I felt like, where should I set a goal? -Do you mean now after such a period? I wonder if there was a moment in which those feelings you had went up as the new songs for the album took shape. Toshiya: That's right. I haven't seen the goal yet, but I'm working on pre-production with the band right now. After that there will be a period in which the songs will be released. I was listening to the songs that the members brought there, and it was really interesting for me. -Oh, is it interesting? T: Yes. It's completely different from the songs I made myself, and when they pass through the filters of each members, they become versatile and I think that’s very interesting. I don't actually see the members face to face and interact with them but when I listened to the songs, I felt the hope that "Oh, I'm sure we can make something beyond our imagination next time". I think the other members might also hope for that, or renewed their feelings like about it like, "I have to do my best for DIR EN GREY". Die: Well, about that you mentioned, making songs for the album ... You can see hope as Toshiya said, we can’t play lives, but we're moving forward. I feel hope in that. -That you had to work on the album during this corona situation had a positive effect on your mind. Die: But after all, there is a continuous cycle for the band, touring and producing, and one of them is missing. I don't feel the that tension there. So, while thinking “There is nothing we can about it because we can’t play lives", we are making the next new album and continuing with the hope that later we will be able to tour again. -As a result of concentrating on production in such an environment, do you feel a good response in what you are creating now? T: Of course, there is a response, but I wonder if it’s really good to pack our current feelings together in it. I haven’t found a decisive factor yet. Several complications came out quite a bit but, maybe it’s the way it is now, and it and I guess it’s not over yet. Die: Rather than “in this kind of situation”, the hurdles are simply rising. Everyday, there are many....many....(laughs) -Hahaha. Was that so? Die: Yes. It’s always the same but, if you find a keyword or a hint to the next album, it will lead you to make several songs. Now I think it is still part of our work to find that. I can’t really say at this point what kind of specific feeling is but, if we find it, we can change the shift, or it will be easier to find the direction of the album. Right now, we are exploring this aspect and we haven’t come to any conclusion yet. There will be a moment it would be like “this is the atmosphere” and it will flow in that way, so I guess it will be easier to go that way. We have no option but explore it further. “It's been 24 years since the band was formed, and it’s like the challenges we are going through are also reflected in the MV, it’s not like we are going to sit back and rest on our laurels” (Die) -I think the song that gives you a glimpse of how the next album will be it’s the new single “Oboro”. At the time of this interview, just the 15- second MV teaser was released but….no, it already is having a strong impact! Toshiya: Hehehe Die: (Smiles) As for the MV, the concrete idea came out from Kyo, and from that idea everyone went to do it in that direction but, well, it’s like it can’t be done without us, right? It’s been 24 years since the formation, and it seems that the things we are challenging are also reflecting in things like that. It’s not like we are going to sit back and rest on our laurels. -Yes. I feel you are a band that doesn’t know the meaning of “withering” and in a good sense, doesn’t settle down. Die: That’s right. When I was shooting the MV, I talked a bit with Kyo, I was like “Isn’t this too edgy? It’s too much”. Probably, I think that a scene like this can be shown firmly even in a MV where only 5 people play, and I think it can be expressed in a simple form, but DIR EN GREY isn’t just there, after all, I thought we had to beat in/smash down more and more. So, the MV set this time reminded me of the atmosphere when we debuted, I was feeling like it was still aggressive and no good. -In an era when there is a call for compliance/ obedience, you must have an image of reliance. Die: Haha. But there is a part that it can’t be played (on TV etc…) (laughs). -It’s true (laughs). Toshiya: Well, so this is also part of DIR EN GREY. This talk we just had, I wonder if this scene with the five members playing is also part of what DIR EN GREY is. Personally speaking, I want to try to go to other places rather than this one at the next chance. I still don’t know what that would be, and when it comes to what we are actually going to do, I think everyone, including myself, will be concerned about it again. However, if some form remains, I would like to do something that it’s constantly evolving. -When it comes to the style of your MVs, you want to be a band that has no limits. Toshiya: That's right. For example, DIR EN GREY is gloomy, isn't it? DIR EN GREY is heavy, difficult, and intense, isn't it? Of course, I think it's an option that we can be caught like that (in a MV) but if we even want to surprise ourselves, after all I think I want us to keep working as hard as we can. I’m sure we jumped over those limits but maybe….just maybe….I think that’s the things the 5 members are looking for…. -In 24 years of activity as a band, if now it’s time to shake off everywhere, that’s your strength as a band. Toshiya: Yes, I think so. -So, "Oboro" is a ballad with a power and lyrics unique to DIR EN GREY, I felt the core was made in a way to make you listen to the song and the live performance of it in a fresh shape. It’s because each part is powerful, even though there are instruments in it that are not the usual ones in the band. As for the arrangements that the band did, was it simply a scraping work? Die: Now it’s simpler than it used to be, we’ve been focusing more on how to make the sound that’s in more powerful than actually just adding more. As I had that mental image,without overdubbing the guitar arrangement as much as possible, I went in the direction of reducing it. It might be a bad way to say this but, I approached the arrangements with the feeling that this is what I’m going to play live later, so it was like “don’t do anything crafty/pretentious”. -It seems that you are using a Fender Jazzmaster for recording, did you do that choice because of what you just said? Die: That's right. After all, for chord stroke parts, etc… I’m going to play with that guitar and that tone quality later. So, when I tried to use that kind of chord progression for the first time in a while, it was simple, but it felt like something fresh. It really resonated with me, and when I listened to it myself, I simply thought, "Oh, that's good" (laughs). -Hahaha. That’s good. Is that feeling of being a raw band an essential point for you? Die: Well, that's right. At the so-called chorus part, it wasn’t just about filling the backing with the low notes of the guitar. I also took on a new challenge to be able to see the scenery further. “I think there will surely be something that makes it fun for the band, fun to match our sounds again, there will be something that it’s going to feel interesting for sure.” (Toshiya) -I see. Also, the bass phrase is a basic one, but it’s done with an approach that makes each note stand out, including the tone quality/timbre. Toshiya: Regarding “Oboro”, I simply thought the dynamic image of it would be the most attractive thing, so I wanted to hear each and every sound without really doing anything extra. Up until now, there were too many things we wanted to do, and we wanted to include that and this as well, I had a sound barrier, but I couldn't hear what I wanted to hear. While narrowing down the main points and making it possible to listen to each part you want to hear firmly, still, each of the members started working on it with the idea that to be able to listen to each part of it would be the virtue of this composition. - As a result, the bass sounds with a thick sound image that has a strong presence. Toshiya: That's right. At the end, I think the part where you can hear the sound of the bass alone is quite distorted, but that is the tone through all the song, and the sound is quite distorted. However, when the sounds overlap, the low feeling is more noticeable than the distortion. Normally, if it is distorted, it tends to overlap when you join all the parts. However, as I said earlier, each member was thinking about how they wanted to hear their own sound, and even if it is distorted very much, the sound has a strong presence. I think I was able to reach such a result firmly. -While setting up the coordination/the harmony of the musical instruments, is your main idea oriented toward making a song “that makes people listen to it”? Toshiya: Yes, I have in mind that it’s going to become a song. After all, it’s because I’m thinking it will be a full song. However, I think at that point the band sound has become unbeatable. Die: First of all, the basics of a song (without the lyrics) start once the instrumental part is recorded. At that point, I still have no idea what kind of song we are getting into, so after the approach of how it’s going to be the singing part actually comes, the task is replacing some parts with a backing that makes the most of the lyrics. I’m always trying to figure out how to make the lyrics stand out. -I'm looking forward to hearing "Oboro" live, but recently you announced a live performance at the Tokyo Garden Theater ("Sogai") on May 6th. After cancelling the tour and Pia Arena MM performance scheduled last year, does this live performance with audience mean that, after all you have been through, you can see a way that the band can perform in this situation? (* It was announced that this "Sogai" live will be postponed due to the announcement of the state of emergency on April 23rd.) Toshiya: The members and the staff included talked about this a lot, but in the end, after a lot of discussions we came to the conclusion that it couldn’t be “as under these circumstances we can’t do it, we won’t do it’ but rather, the talk went into the direction of “If we don’t do it, we won’t accomplish anything”, of course, there is a national guideline for lives and we have to obey it. While thinking about that, as for DIR EN GREY, nothing will work unless we take action. If you don't take a step, nothing will happen. If you don't move now and say "Let's wait for the time to come", it’s more like, “when will that time come?”. - That's true. Toshiya: Then, instead of waiting for the time to come, we thought it would be better to make "now" the right time for us. - While there is a change in your previous mindset, you made the best choice you can make now. Toshiya: That’s right. Our mindset is simply different from those days. Die: As Toshiya said, if you don't experience a live performance during Corona, nothing will come out, and if you simply say, “we won't do a live concert during Corona," that's all. I think we should also have the experience of a live performance under the regulations. At the moment, we can’t ask everyone to come, but it's important for the future that we don't wait without moving at all, that we take a step forward and experience this kind of live. It’s a live that was decided with no idea of how it will turn out. -Is it necessary for yourselves to continue the band in the future? Is it also a trigger/spark for you? Toshiya: Yes. We felt that we couldn't get anything unless we acted on our own to get something. We had a discussion about what we could do while following the guidelines, and we thought that it was the live concert that would be the spark/trigger for us, so I would like to take on the challenge of the next live concert with that decision. As I mentioned at the beginning of this interview, I think there will surely be something that makes it fun for the band, fun to match our sounds again, there will be something that it’s going to feel interesting for sure. In addition, although there is a limit on the number of people who can attend the live, this time there will be audience there. It’s a commonplace but, I think we can get something like a synergistic effect by colliding with the people who is going to come. - It will finally be a live with audience in front of you. Die: That's right. However, the hurdles are still rising. You have to make a live concert following a guideline such as half of the capacity of the venue or not being able to shout/scream. I don't think it's good to say, "As the audience can’t shout/scream, we are not sure about doing it". Since we decided to do it, I think we have to do a DIR EN GREY live that has never been seen before. The future setlist and so, we have to change the method itself…. There is no point in doing it unless we get to convince all the fans who come to see us under these circumstances. “I’m glad I came”, “I’m glad I was able to see it”, things like that, I want to make a live that everyone can think of.

#dir en grey #die #toshiya #translation #toshiyatranslations #spice e-plus #oboro

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problematicfavesareproblematic · 3 years

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Drinking Up This Sweet Decadence

George Luz x Reader One shot

Warnings: SMUT!, dom/sub under and overtones, George is an immature toddler but he’s *YOUR* IMMATURE TODDLER, shit attempts at humor, reader goes a lil overboard with scratching, George gets a lil stupid post-sexy time but it’s vv cute, no discussion of safewords/boundaries so I guess the dom/sub stuff isn’t well negotiated but whatevah.

Summary: George decides to be a pouty lil jealous boy and reader is having none of it

Title comes from Good Enough by Evanescence

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey, Y/N- your back feeling okay?”

Both you and Dick raise your heads from the map you’d splayed across the table in the Paratrooper- usurped pub, giving each other a quick look before you finally look at Nixon.

“Uh….yeah, Lewis,” you narrow your eyes at the smirking man. “Why do you ask?”

Nix shrugs and pulls a face. “Just curious if you could feel the daggers George Luz has been shooting your way.”

Furrowing your brows, you twist in your seat to look out at the sea of soldiers, frowning when you see exactly what Nixon was talking about.

George Luz was glaring at you, a deep frown of his own twisting his handsome face as you made eye contact with him.

A consummate goof, you weren’t unaccustomed to seeing the man pulling a face at you every now and again. More often than not, he’d do it when he felt that you were too hyper-focused on something- or if you became overly concerned and contemplative over a minute detail of whatever intel Nixon had most recently given you. He never failed to pull you from your darker thoughts, something that you had come to rely on despite your initial resistance to becoming his friend.

But right now- this wasn’t George pulling a bit. Oh no, this was a genuine expression of upset.

Just as you opened parted your lips to mouth a question at him, he turned his glower to the beer in front of him, pointedly making conversation with Malarkey, Skip, and Alex.

“What’s that about?” Dick asked from your side.

Turning back around, you shake your head and shrug. “No idea. Probably just had too much to drink and zoning out? I don’t know- the day I can explain why any of these Neanderthals do what they do is the day Hitler shaves off his mustache and admits he’s been a bit over the top with this whole affair.”

“Is it something you need to, uh, deal with?”

You shake your head again, giving Nix a quick grin. “Nah, this is more important. Besides,” you shoot one more look over your shoulder before turning back. “Whatever it is, he’ll probably be over it come morning.”

With a nod, Nix refocuses on the map and takes a swig from his flask.

“Okay, so the DZ is going to be in these fields, over here….”

Turns out, Luz wasn’t over it by morning.

Nor was he over it that afternoon, evening, or the two next days.

Like some playground tiff gone personal, he was ignoring you. Not just ignoring you, but full-on pretending that you didn’t exist. If you walked into a room, he walked out. If you said his name, he lost his ability to hear and continued with whatever he was doing. When he made eye contact with you, he would immediately look away.

You should’ve known that this was an inherent risk when you started falling in love with someone who was such a child- that they would carry their immaturity into all aspects of their life. So here you were, in a battle of wits with an oversized toddler and two weeks away from D-Day.

And you were pissed.

You hadn’t done anything to warrant this sort of reaction from him- just three days ago you’d been having to scold him for getting too handsy in front of your commanding officers, the both of you biting back laughter when he’d made a whole show of pouting and whimpering like a wounded puppy. Things had been good- great even. You had no idea what sparked this drastic shift in behavior.

But that didn’t mean you weren’t determined to find out.

You’d heard from Joe Toye that Luz was ‘moping like a goddamn kid’ in their shared cabin, having declined Joe’s offer to go out to the bar tonight. Having been on your way to go on a short run, you decided that now was as good a time as any to get to the bottom of your lover’s temper tantrum. Whether he wanted to or not.

Opening the wooden door, you rolled your eyes when he instantly shifted his gaze to the wall opposite his bed. He was leaning against the headboard, arms crossed over his chest and his legs stretched in front of him on the unmade sheets- looking for all the world a bratty teenager whose mother had sent them to their room to think about what they’d just done.

“Fancy meeting you here, Sweetheart!”

He blinked defiantly as he petulantly continued to stare at the wall. That was fine, you were willing to work for it a little bit.

“Last time I saw someone pull the silent treatment, I think I was still in elementary school,” you continue as you walk over to his bed, using your hip to shove his legs to the side so you could perch on the side of the mattress beside him. “I’ve got to say- your commitment to being difficult is admirable. Three days is a long time in Luz-years, isn’t it?”

You tilt your head to the side and give him an amused smile, batting your eyes at him as you nudge your knee against his hip.

“What’s got you so cross, huh?”

George, still purposefully looking over your shoulder, said nothing. You frown at that, your amusement at his upset dwindling rapidly into genuine frustration. Being in love with George Luz- being friends with George Luz- lent itself to aggravation enough as it was, his jokes and near-constant wisecracks were destined to get on your nerves at some point. Sometimes you wondered if that truly was the point.

But this….whatever this was had you on edge for an entirely different reason. Even with all of his other quirks and habits, this felt especially childish. the time allotted for any sort of long-term comical event had long since passed, and with the days of the company’s time in England whittling down to near single digits, you had no patience for this silent treatment.

Which is probably why George looked so shocked when you lightly (but effectively) slapped his cheek in order to regain his attention.

“Hey,” you said again, voice much sharper than it had been before. “What’s the matter with you? What gives?”

George looks at you with wide eyes, one of his hands coming up to rub against his pinkening cheek dumbly. When he doesn’t respond quickly enough for your liking, you swing a leg over his hips and straddle his lap, bracing your hands on either side of the wall he’s leaning against to effectively box him in.

“George, why are you being weird with me?”

His brown eyes shift down to look at the collar of your PT shirt, the stretched-out fabric pulling to one side and revealing the paler skin of your collarbone. He suddenly looks incredibly young, something that hits you like a fist to the chest. As he swallows, you whisper his name again- concern starting to smooth the jagged edges of your agitation.

Clearing his throat, George looks down and to the side as you feel his free hand come to lightly rest on the bare skin of your thigh, touching the skin like he fears it will cut him somehow.

“It’s nothing, Y/N,” he says without conviction, almost like he knows you can hear that he’s lying before he even gives it a try. “‘M not being weird—”

“George.”

This time he actually meets your gaze, his brows furrowing at the expression of worry you know your face has pulled itself into. Despite the fact that- not ten seconds ago- he’d been giving you the cold shoulder, George moves the hand that had been rubbing at his cheek to your face so his thumb can smooth the tension between your eyes. The way he did it almost seemed unconscious, the sweetness of the action not lost on you.

So why had he been so distressed?

“Talk to me,” you say quietly, leaning your head into his touch. “Please.”

You allow your eyes to drift closed as he cups your cheek, the curve of his palm bending around your cheekbone as if it was made to hold it.

“You’re too good for me.”

Opening your eyes quickly, you feel yourself frown at the statement. At first you think he’s joking, but you can tell by the grim smile on his handsome face that he is being painfully sincere. You quickly take his face in your hands and look at him incredulously, hating the look of defeat on his face.

“What in the hell are you talking about?” you have to work to keep from sounding too exasperated, a new wave of frustration beginning to crest in your chest. “What on earth makes you think that?”

When he doesn’t reply, you shake your head and narrow your eyes. “No, Luz- you don’t get to say something like that and then not elaborate. I never thought I’d ever have to demand this but goddamnit, George, I need you to talk to me!”

Clenching his jaw, he twists his mouth from side to side before smirking ruefully.

“Seeing you and Nixon just….you’re too smart for a dumbass like me. You’re pretty and sharp and too fuckin’ brainy to waste your time with some nobody who’s probably not even gonna make it past D-Day…..a girl like you could have anybody, and I like you too goddamn much to keep you from—”

“Shut up.”

His eyebrows shoot up at the venom in your voice. Tears prickle at your eyes as you think about all that he’s said, all that he’s been thinking for the past two days while he ignored you and allowed this to fester in his head while you were none the wiser. It hurt, his words physically caused you pain. It broke your heart to think that he thought so little of himself and was so thoroughly unconvinced of your unwavering devotion to him.

Did he really think that, by ignoring you long enough, that you’d just move on to a more appropriate man? Someone more ‘deserving’ or ‘worthy’ of you?

You’re a goddamned idiot, George Luz.

You must’ve spoken the last part aloud, because abruptly he physically startles and pouts at you like an offended child. Too lost in your anger to find any humor in his reaction, you bite the inside of your cheek and glare at him.

“I don’t want a Lewis Nixon! My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m supposed to marry a man like him- someone who went to an overpriced school and drinks overpriced wine and has perfect posture and perfect hair and the best fake charm money could buy,” you know your voice has gone shrill, but you’re too angry to care right now.

“And yeah, maybe that type of man could buy me a nice house with nice cars and give me heaps of rich, fat babies who have pretentious names that they can’t even pronounce until they’re eight or nine- but guess what, George?”

You slide your hands into his hair and grab fistfuls of it so he can’t look away from you even if he tried. Tears have been dripping down your cheeks for a while now, your throat growing tighter and tighter with each word you speak but you don’t dare stop. You need him to know how you feel, you have to clear any signs of doubt from his thick, perfect head.

“He wouldn’t love me. Men like that are hollow and selfish- they only know how to want and take. They’d rather I sat quietly and smiled and gave them heirs than ask me about what I want. He would want me to be good and proper, he’d never care about me- not like you do.”

Sniffing, you relax your grip on his hair and slide your hands down until they rest on his chest, barking out a rueful scoff as you let your eyes take in the pain on his face. “If you don’t want me any more, that’s fine. But don’t you dare ever try to break up with me for me again. Because as far as I’m concerned, you’re the love of my life, George Luz.”

It’s quiet, the only sound that of your occasional sniff and the creak of the bed as he sits up a bit straighter. You’re about to plead for him to say something when he suddenly surges forward to kiss you soundly on the lips, pressing his mouth onto yours so strongly you find yourself being bent backward. His hands, hot and sure, splay themselves on your back- one pressing between your shoulder blades while the other at the base of your spine anchors you in his lap so you don’t fall.

There’s a desperation in this kiss, you can feel it in the harshness of his breathing and the determined tension of his hold on you. As you pull back to catch your breath, George doesn’t let you go far.

“Do you mean that, Y/N?” he’s asking, words hot and heavy on your lips as he keeps his forehead pressed to yours. “Please tell me you aren’t just saying that because I—”

“I mean it.”

You capture his mouth with yours before he can ask anything further, having made the decision to show him just how serious you were being. He whimpers into your mouth as you yank at the shoulders of his shirt aggressively- too focused on baring his skin to your greedy hands to think about the scolding he’ll get if you tear the fabric at all. From the way he’s fisting the hem of your own shirt, you think he’s on a similar wavelength.

Sex with George was unlike anything you had experienced before. Never before had you had a partner be so wonderfully jovial about such intimacies- all of your previous experiences had led you to believe that it was meant to be a serious and choreographed affair, a misconception that always left you too anxious to ever derive any true pleasure from the act.

But with George…. you had learned to relax enough to realize that there was no right or wrong way to do it. If anything, the fumbles and mistakes had taught you that sex could actually be fun.

This was the first time he’d ever shown any sort of desperation or determination during foreplay, the first time you’d gotten any sense of urgency from him.

You couldn’t fault him, however….not when you felt it too.

By the time you’ve stripped each other of your respective shirts, you can’t help but grind yourself into him. George, eyes wide and staring, dips his head down to watch the way you roll your lower half against his, eyes following a path up and down your sternum with each gyration like a man entranced. You feel heat flood your face at the open gaping, your hands once again gripping the strands of his hair to pull his head up and back.

His hiss fills you with some dark, carnal sense of pride. Especially when you see the glazed look in his eyes as you smirk at him.

“What’s wrong, Georgie?” you murmur, brushing your nose with his while his hands slide up and down your spine like they’re lost. “Have I shocked you? Are you still jealous?”

“‘M not jealous,” he insists, his blunt fingernails digging into the skin of your hips as your nipples brush across his chest unexpectedly. “Just want you….”

You kiss him again for that, gently scratching at the shorter hairs at the base of his neck as you pull back again. “You have me right now, Sweetheart.”

You know that he is aware that you’re teasing him- something he’d normally retaliate in kind. But right now, he’s too drunk on something headier than normal to match your energy. It’s something you can relate to, the unfamiliar burn of dominance singing your veins like wildfire.

“Are you reassured yet? What more can I do to make it clear that you’re mine?”

Blinking slowly, George gives his head a gentle shake. “N-Nothing….please-”

Slipping one hand from his hair, you trace your fingertips over his lips and marvel at how soft and swollen they’ve become.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

With high color in his cheeks, George doesn’t even attempt to hide the desperation in his voice as he groans under your touch. “‘M sorry….I’m sorry, Sugar. Just, just don’t stop. Please.”

Well, who are you to deny a request like that?

When you kiss him this time, you do it more carefully and with less anger, gently allowing the kiss to deepen as one of his strong arms locks around your waist and the other hand trails up your stomach to rest between your breasts. You trail your fingers everywhere you can, up his arms and down his chest and around his back where you can feel each breath he takes beneath your palms.

As your thighs begin to shake, you tilt your head so your lips separate from his with a soft sound.

“I need you inside of me,” you whisper, reaching down to where he’s grown hard for you and cupping him through his pants. “Can I have you inside me, George?”

“Yeah,” he nods, his words more an exhale than anything else. “Yessss….”

Clumsily, you and he work to pull his trousers and briefs down to his upper thighs, with him taking the initiative to push them down further as you carefully use his precum to slick his cock while you stroke him. He nips at your breasts as you do so, resting his forehead on your breastbone and mouthing at whatever skin he can. Burying your face in his hair, you sigh contentedly as he slides his hand down the back of your PT shorts to brush at the wet petals of your sex with a deep groan.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispers, the air from his words chilling the spit-slicked marks he’d been sucking on the tops of your breasts and sending goosebumps shaking down your body. “Fuck, Baby-”

He cuts himself off with another deep groan when you reach behind yourself to pull his hand away so you can divest yourself of your remaining clothes. You can’t help but smile at the sound.

“Why the long face, Sweetheart? Not ten minutes ago, you were ready to have me leave you for Lewis Nixon—”

“I’m sorry,” he all but blurts out, eyes trained on your naked body as you finally kick your legs free of the cotton shorts and underwear before crawling back into his lap. “I’m sorry, Y/N….”

His apologetic tone only fuels the dark burn that’s taken up residence in your lower belly, and you decide that you want to hear more of it.

“Say it again,” you demand, cupping your hand around the back of his neck while the other resumes its rhythm between his legs.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, his eyes falling shut as you tighten your grip on him. His cock is hard and hot in your hand, and when you pause to tease the head of it with your thumb you can feel his racing pulse against your palm.

“Tell me what you’re sorry for,” you nearly snarl, inhaling the gasp that escapes his lips as you nestle him in between your lower lips. “Tell me, and I might even let you cum inside of me.”

His hands have come to grip your ass, holding onto the soft flesh tightly as you rub yourself on his cock in a lewd echo of what you’d been doing earlier. The muscles in your thighs have begun to ache with fatigue, but you are too stubborn to stop torturing him.

“I’m sorry I ignored you!” George’s voice has taken on a keening quality- something you find deliriously attractive. “‘M sorry I- shit!- that I didn’t talk ‘bout this, that I t-tried to tell you what to do! I...I- goddamn it, just fuckin’ do something, please!”

You cut off his pleas with a kiss, quickly guiding him inside of you. You both break the kiss when he bottoms out- a curse being punched out of him while you release a whimper into the air above your heads. All of this had gotten you more aroused than you had initially realized, your body stilling as you struggle to control your breathing after the tip of his cock hits a spot inside of you that threatens to send you over the precipice prematurely.

“You okay, Sugar?” George asks, the waiver in his voice telling you that this might be a quicker romp than either of you had been hoping for. “You alright?”

You nod, your walls tightening around him as you lower your head to press your forehead to his.

“Yeah, yeah….just gimme a sec.”

Your stomach is trembling with arousal, and you know that your face is scrunched up unattractively as you force yourself to breathe through it.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” you whisper tensely.

“I know you’re workin’ through something right now,” his voice is just breathy as yours, his hands nearly shaking as they clutch your hips. “But if you don’t move soon, I think I’m gonna lose my fuckin’ mind.”

You can’t help but laugh at that, the sound turning into a harmonizing moan with his from the way it moves your body. With a nod, you slot your nose with his.

“Sure, sure. I’ll get- oh!- righ’ on that.”

As you roll your hips, your hands claw at whatever parts of him you can find, your jaw-dropping open with a gasp as the powerful sensation of fullness threatens to rob you of air.

“Feels good….fuck, you feel good!”

You’re only dimly aware of his praise, too lost in chasing the blissful heat threatening to burn you alive. You know that he’s talking to you still, that he’s being unbearably sweet and endearing and sincere but you can barely hear him over the screams from your mind that are telling you to move, move, move.

His lips are at your neck, your head lolling back as you rut against him like some depraved and wanton degenerate from a crappy erotic novel but it feels too good for you to be embarrassed.

“I’m gonna cum,” you choke out, his pubic bone hitting your clit in just the right way. “George—!”

A white-hot bolt of lightning hits you before you can even ask him how close he is, your body shaking almost violently as you refuse to stop riding him. It’s only when you hear him curse that you know he’s tumbled over the cliff right after you, his strong arms locking around you and holding you to him while you hunch out the remainder of your orgasm atop him.

By the time you sag against him, your throat is dry from your heavy breathing and your mind is basically gone- the sweat on your skin growing cold in the already chilly air of Alberborne. As George clumsily slides down the bed enough to lay flat on his back, you can do nothing more than rest heavily atop of him like the world’s least effective blanket.

His pulse is as fast as a hummingbird's wings as it beats beneath your lips, your tongue darting out to lick at the sweat from his skin as you nuzzle your face into the curve of your neck. As feeling slowly returns to your limbs, you carefully feel around for the bunched-up blankets at the foot of the bed and kick them up your legs until you can grasp them in your hands. As you successfully cover the both of you up to your hips, George blindly fumbles around with his hand until he finds your neck and starts to brush up and away the hair that’s gotten sweat-stuck there.

Neither of you speak, only a few grunts and groans exchanged as he carefully reaches between your bodies to help maneuver his softening cock from between your legs. You feel sated, so deeply sated that it takes you a few moments to remember that you hadn’t been exactly gentle with him while seeking your release.

With a little tremor in your bones, you brace one hand on his chest and push yourself up so you can look down at him, feeling a mix of shyness and guilt at the sight of the red lines your nails had drawn across his torso. With careful fingers, you touch one of the raised pink marks you’d left along his collarbone and follow it up his neck before you hesitantly make eye contact with George, ready for him to hate you for being so aggressive and dominating.

Instead, you find the dumbest grin stretching across his face- his eyes closed softly as he catches his breath. He must have felt you looking at him, because he licks his lips and lets out a breathy chuckle.

“Ho-ly shit,” his eyes are soft and somewhat unfocused still when they open. “I think I’m in love.”

You frown slightly at that, his reaction not at all what you’d been mentally preparing for. Gaping stupidly for a moment, you sigh loudly and tilt your head to the side. “But I just- even after I….why?!”

Upon hearing the distress in your voice, he shakes his head quickly and blinks through his haze enough to meet your gaze more intentionally. His smile unwavering, he raises his eyebrows with another laugh.

“I don’t think I’ve cum that hard in my entire life, that’s why! Jesus, Sugar- I’m fuckin’ dizzy even now….”

Still confused and unsure, you clear your throat and look at him incredulously. “Really? You….liked it? Are you sure—?”

“Liked it?!” George barks, shooting an equally incredulous look your way. “Y/N, i’m not sure if you were here the whole time, but I fucking blacked out, I liked it so much!”

You feel a smile curling on your lips, his words confusing you but in no way were they insincere. “Even after I, you know, scratched the hell out of you?”

He nods enthusiastically, and you can’t help the giggle that escapes your chest as you run your hands through his hair and curl down so your face is closer to his.

“And when I slapped you? Made you say ‘sorry’—?”

“Are you kidding me- that was my favorite part!”

Before you can ask anything else, George reaches up to bring your face down to his so he can kiss you, grinning at the shocked stillness of your lips as you wrap your head around what he’s insisting.

He liked it. He doesn’t hate me for it.

And, now that you felt that you could be honest to yourself, you’d like it, too. A lot.

You pull back before he can deepen the kiss, taking his face in your hands and furrowing your brows.

“I mean what I said, George Luz,” you say sternly, a sharp contrast to the gentle touches you’re swiping across his cheeks and jaw. “I want you. I love you. Don’t do that to me again.”

He scoffs at that. “How can I not? Now that I know that this is what you do when you’re angry, I may never talk to you again!”

You shake your head. “Unbelievable. Has it not occurred to you that you could just ask nicely? I’m sure I can figure out something to be mad at you for….”

“Careful, Baby,” he warns teasingly, bringing a finger up to tap at your nose with faux seriousness. “Keep this up, and I’m gonna have to marry you before long.”

Catching his wrist before he can touch your nose again, you smirk and roll your eyes. As you pin his wrist beside his head, you lower your face so your lips are just a hair’s breadth above his.

“Oh, Sweetheart- don’t tempt me with a good time.”

You squeal as he quickly rolls you beneath him, the both of you erupting in laughter as he peppers kisses all across your face and neck.

“Oh well,” George sighs as he nibbles at the soft underside of your jaw. “Never say I didn’t warn you.”

~ ~ ~

Taglist: @mrseasycompany @itswormtrain @mrsalwayswrite @happyveday @sunsetmando @ricksmorty @liebgotttme

#band of brothers x reader #band of brothers imagines #george luz x reader #george luz imagines #problematicfavesareproblematic

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ibijau · 3 years

Text

Lapse in memory pt 3 / on AO3

aka the fic where nhs is cursed into amnesia a few years post canon, and came to lxc for help

The worst part of Nie Huaisang’s amnesia, Lan Xichen soon decided, was the realisation that he should have seen long ago that there was something wrong with Nie Mingjue’s little brother.

Although the other man had apparently always possessed frightening self control which made it difficult to know how much his current loss of memory impacted him, he used that control in a manner very different from what he had done after the death of his brother. Instead of displaying eternal sorrow and helplessness, Nie Huaisang was acting exactly the same as he had done before his life took a turn for the worst. He smiled, and chatted with people as if things were perfectly fine, only to break down once alone with Lan Xichen, asking when this person had died, whether that remark had been a joke or a reference to a true event.

If he hadn't known better, if he hadn't been shown the other side Lan Xichen might have fallen for that new comedy as he had fallen for the old one. Nie Huaisang was good at this.

In fact, as Lan Xichen started remembering over the following days, he was good at many things.

For example Nie Huaisang was smart, it turned out. After a decade of lies, Lan Xichen had forgotten that, too used to a man who barely managed to pick his own outfits without needing three different opinions, and would make four mistakes in a two digit addition. And indeed, when it came to cultivation, or when Wei Wuxian tried to discuss his ideas about what curse might have hit him, Nie Huaisang was clearly lost. But when the topic interested him, when someone mentioned art or literature, he spoke expertly and always made excellent points.

Because he had his own duties to attend, and he aimed at being a better sect leader than he had been in the past, Lan Xichen spent little time with Nie Huaisang at first, and thus rarely enjoyed his conversation. Since the other man couldn’t be allowed to wander freely when there was still the possibility that all this was only a deception, Lan Xichen assigned one of his young disciples he trusted the most to stay with Nie Huaisang and make sure he didn’t misbehave. Almost immediately, he started hearing about the heated debates that Lan Jingyi and Nie Huaisang got into over classics, over art, over just anything that could be debated, and quite a few that shouldn’t. Lan Xichen had offered to find another person to keep Nie Huaisang company, only for Nie Huaisang to protest he was having great fun with Lan Jingyi.

It surprised Lan Xichen at first. Nie Huaisang wasn’t a man who enjoyed confrontation.

But he had once been a boy who did. Nie Mingjue used to complain at length about that, as did Lan Qiren when he’d had the dubious pleasure of teaching him. Nie Huaisang once had opinions on just about everything, especially if it could get him out of doing something he didn’t enjoy. Lan Xichen had found it amusing for a long time, and even he had been tricked into the odd argument here and there. But then there had been the war, there had been the constant worsening of Nie Mingjue’s temper, and Nie Huaisang’s tendency to argue over everything hadn’t felt so cute anymore.

After those difficult final few months, it had been a relief, in a way, when Nie Huaisang’s grief had made him so mild and pliable. He had never objected to any advice given to him, agreeing to everything and anything that Nie Mingjue’s sworn brothers suggested. If Lan Xichen hadn’t been so devastated by the loss they had both suffered, perhaps he would have noticed something was wrong.

Perhaps it was guilt, then, that soon pushed Lan Xichen to rearrange his schedule so he could spend a little more time with Nie Huaisang every day. He refused to let him down again. Or perhaps it was selfishness, the joy of having an old friend back in his life, someone who didn't know about his failings, and didn't judge him for being imperfect.

"Imperfection is more fun," Nie Huaisang claimed one evening, as they sat together inside the Hanshi's courtyard, watching a pair of swallows build a nest under the rafters. "I like you better when you're not trying to be Zewu-jun. Zewu-Jun is a very boring person, while Lan Xichen is delightful company. Do you remember how we used to laugh sometimes when I came here to study? You did such a good imitation of your uncle. And you'd help me with my homeworks, and I'd let you have candies… wasn't that more fun than being perfect?"

"I miss those days," Lan Xichen admitted, something he had never told anyone except Jin Guangyao, once. He'd instantly regretted it back then, realising that Jin Guangyao had never had a chance to enjoy a carefree youth. He didn't regret telling Nie Huaisang who laughed so hard he startled the swallows, making them fly away for a moment.

"Of course you miss that! Well, I'm back now, and until I'm better I can give you a taste of how it used to be. If I make you laugh enough, you'll stop being angry at me, right?"

“I’m not angry at you,” Lan Xichen said, which to his surprise wasn’t even a lie. This young and innocent Nie Huaisang, whose biggest crime was cheating during exams, who hadn’t yet discovered his own viciousness through fighting with Nie Mingjue and then for him, who could be irritating but always remained endearing… how could Lan Xichen have been angry at him?

“But you’re angry at the man I’ve become,” Nie Huaisang said.

Lan Xichen looked at him, that handsome young man sitting just a little too close, leaning somewhat toward Lan Xichen and yet tense enough that at the first sign of anger he’d probably leap away and disappear, the way he used to do with Nie Mingjue.

Lan Xichen wondered again how he had forgotten how observant Nie Huaisang could be. He should have known. The moment Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji told him that something terrible had been done to Nie Mingjue’s body, Lan Xichen should have guessed that Nie Huaisang knew as well, and that he’d be doing anything to avenge his brother.

“I think I’m more angry at myself than at you,” Lan Xichen said. “What happened, what you’ve done, it was… Maybe you really had no choice, or you thought you had no choice anyway, and I’m not sure I have a right to judge you. You… you still don’t remember, do you?”

“No. I don’t think I want to,” Nie Huaisang said. He started playing nervously with his sleeve, having forgotten his fan somewhere, and hesitantly spoke again. “I don’t think he wanted to remember either,” he whispered. “Him. Me. I… I don’t think it was an accident, Er-ge. I think I forgot on purpose.”

Startled by the confession, Lan Xichen stared again at Nie Huaisang who avoided his eyes. He looked pale, and started shaking slightly, as if again expecting a burst of anger that didn’t come. Lan Xichen was too stunned for that.

“When did you start suspecting this?”

“Right away,” Nie Huaisang confessed, nervously playing with his sleeve, pulling and tugging at the fabric. “It was just too odd that there was nothing at all about those lost years. I found some recent correspondence which let me know I wasn’t on very good terms with you, Jiang Cheng and Jin zongzhu, but that was it. And I know myself, Er-ge. I’ve kept a journal of everything I do since I was seven. Everything important, I write it down so I remember, I should have had a trace of those missing years.”

Lan Xichen nodded. Nie Huaisang had mentioned that habit of his, back when he was studying in the Cloud Recesses. Back then he’d complained that too little happened and he had nothing to write down, but also that homework and studying took so long he almost didn’t have time for his diary. Lan Xichen hadn’t realised that the habit was such a serious one, and he’d never heard Nie Huaisang mention it again as an adult, so he hadn’t thought to ask about that.

“Could it be that you simply stopped doing this?” Lan Xichen asked.

Nie Huaisang shook his head and frowned.

“It’s not just a hobby. My memory isn’t great, I really forget things if I don’t write them down. Everything important… in code if it's too important, of course, I’m only a little stupid. And I hid the journal, and kept all of them, from the very first. I’m the only one who knew where they’re all kept, but when I went to check, many of them had been destroyed, or at least moved somewhere else. Everything after the Sunshot Campaign is gone. Maybe he hoped to forget the war too.”

Not so much the war as what had happened just before it, Lan Xichen thought. He’d heard about the way hostage juniors had been treated by the Wens, and the horror of the Xuanwu of Slaughter killing people in that cave. Nie Huaisang had never wanted to talk about that, Lan Xichen recalled. He usually loved to complain, but on that particular topic he’d always close off or change the subject.

Aside from the death of Nie Mingjue, the terror of the evil Xuanwu had to have been the worst moment of Nie Huaisang’s life.

Without thinking Lan Xichen took Nie Huaisang’s hand, hoping to comfort him. Nie Huaisang startled and trembled, but didn’t try to remove his hand.

“I think it’s like you said,” Nie Huaisang explained, looking pleadingly at Lan Xichen. “That he did certain things because he thought he had no choice. He… I… if someone harmed da-ge, then I’d want to harm them back," he hissed with such rage that Lan Xichen shivered, reminded of the man Nie Huaisang had indeed become. "Even if it was san-ge! I can’t believe he’d do something like that, he’s always so nice, but it doesn’t matter. If I had been sure he’d hurt da-ge, then I… I would…”

“I know,” Lan Xichen said, squeezing Nie Huaisang’s hand.

“I think I had regrets of a sort though,” Nie Huaisang said. “The way it seems to me… I didn’t regret that these things had been done, I didn’t regret that people had died or been hurt, but I didn’t want to live with the weight of that either. I think… I’m a little bit of a coward, Er-ge. I’m fine with knowing I did horrible things, I just don’t want to know what they are, because that way it’s not really me who did them. So I can see why I chose to forget, and I also don’t want to remember.”

Had it been anyone else, Lan Xichen would have found that person cowardly indeed. Just as he bore the guilt of his failures and strove to do better, he would expect others to face their own faults, take their punishment, and try to improve in the future. But Nie Huaisang wasn’t just anyone, and Lan Xichen pitied him too much to wish for his suffering. Nie Huaisang had already been punished enough for what he’d done, having lost his brother, having lost all his friends, having lost the respect of his sect.

Having lost himself, too.

“It’s fine if you don’t remember,” Lan Xichen said. “You can stay here with us. Wei Wuxian seems happy enough to have you around, Lan Jingyi loves having someone to argue with… even uncle said the other day that it’s been a while since he’s had a decent opponent at weiqi.”

“And what about you?” Nie Huaisang asked, his cheeks a little pinker than they ought to be. “Are you also happy to have me here?”

“I am,” Lan Xichen replied, surprised to find that this, too, was the truth.

Partly because he’d always been a little too fond of Nie Huaisang, back before the Sunshot Campaign changed everything and forced him to set aside most of his personal attachments to better serve his sect. Partly, also, because he liked this current Nie Huaisang, who wasn’t quite as naïve and self-absorbed as he’d been as a boy, but lacked the cruelty years of solitude and resentment had taught him.

This was Nie Huaisang as he would have been, had the world been a little kinder. A clever young master who watched the world around him and understood people a little too well, but loved fun too much to ever do anything with what he learned, as long as his loved ones were safe.

“I’m glad to be here as well,” Nie Huaisang said.

He shuffled a little closer until he could rest his head against Lan Xichen’s shoulder. It had been years since anyone dared to be so carelessly intimate with Lan Xichen, who found he didn’t mind. Not if it was Nie Huaisang.

“You know, I’ve talked with Wei-xiong today, about this,” Nie Huaisang continued. “About what happened to me, and why, and how. He thinks it’s a curse, and there’s probably a condition that would allow it to be lifted. There usually is, after all. But I think if I really did this to myself, I'd have picked an impossible condition, because I wouldn't want to be saved from it. So I might stay like this for the rest of my life.”

“And you’ll be welcome to stay here that entire time,” Lan Xichen promised without thinking, squeezing Nie Huaisang’s hand again.

“That sounds really nice. I think I’ll take you on your offer, Er-ge,” Nie Huaisang said with a smile that Lan Xichen would have kissed if he’d dared. Later, while lying in his bed, he would wonder if he should have tried, only to eventually decide it would have ruined the moment.

Perhaps someday, in the future, thing would take that direction. For now they both had too much to deal with, too much to learn again about each other. It was fine. Lan Xichen was content to remain like this, sitting close together, holding hands, and watching those swallows finish their nest.

Just this was already more than he’d ever imagined he would get.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #jau writes #if I had a tag for that story I don't remember it #but it started as a prompt fill so I probably didn't have a tag for it lol #nhs amnesia

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reaja · 2 years

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2022 Goals

We love a good list, lads. Oh yes we do. It's that time again! Time for the lofty yet reasonably attainable goals list. I recently went back over my 2021 goal list and was really surprised by how many of the goals I actually fulfilled or made significant progress on. This last year, well couple of years, felt like one big never-ending day where nothing goes right! But then I look at the list and check off the things and I realize: "hey wow actually I did some really difficult and worthwhile things despite all the adversity I faced!" and, friends, it feels good.

So, here we go again. Putting this behind a cut because I'm not a monster.

Fannish

- Take one day a week off entirely from fandom. Brazenly stealing this one from @gracerene, but holy heck it's such a great idea. I run a large fandom community and several events and it's so easy to get sucked in and never take time away to just do other stuff.

- Post recs to tumblr when I read excellent fic. I made new fandom specific banners for this a month ago! Looking forward to getting back to rec'ing more often.

- Comment on every fic I rec. In past years I've put this one as 'comment on every fic I read' or even 'comment on every fic I bookmark' but then I for some reason get big anxiety about it and just fail miserably. I do already kudos every single fic I read, but I am distilling the comment goal down to just ones I rec this year to keep it a bit more manageable.

- Log all the fics I read. By this I mean put them in calibre and note them in my hobonichi so I can do an end of year 2022 reading post. I logged all my published novel reading and comic reading this year, I'd like to add fics next year.

Creative

- Draw for fun again. Being an illustrator has sort of killed my will to draw when I'm not working. I am not going to assign an amount to this and make it a "do it once a week" sort of thing, just... the goal is to start enjoying drawing again. Whatever that happens to look like.

- Pick up oil painting. I used to oil paint a lot, but now all my stuff is digital. I miss it! So this year I am going to get back to doing that sometimes, I think. As a mini-goal under this, I'd like to teach Luna (my daughter) to oil paint as well.

- Try pottery or weaving. I've been thinking about both of these for awhile and they're both pretty spendy to get into so I need to pick one and then do it.

- Put my bracelet crafts on tiktok. Not much to say here. I make bracelets as a de-stressing activity and I think it would be fun to put up little videos of my bracelets when they're done.

Personal

- Read 100 books. I crushed my goal of 52 and left it in the dust in 2021 and I started in July. I think I'll have no problem with this, but I want to have it on here so I keep up my momentum.

- Set up a loose daily routine. 12th year running, let's do thiiiissss. I was looking at my LJ the other day and saw my goal list from 2010 and it had this on it. I am pretty sure every year since has too and I fail it every year. So come on 2022, this is the year. This is the year we stop being a drifting lump of flesh meandering through our days waking up at 3pm.

- Finish up my dental work. I got a great start on this in 2021, but I still have some to go and making appointments and not cancelling them is hard for me.

- Participate in weekly Torah study. I was SO good about this at the beginning of the year last year then just sorta fell off. Maybe I'll tie this in with my day off fandom and take Saturdays off completely and actually go to either in person or zoom Torah discussion.

#personal #goals #2022 #reanna speaks #goal list

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hb-writes · 3 years

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We’re Alright

Summary: For the angst prompt “I miss being in your arms.” John and Lucy Watson keep in touch by email while he’s away for the war, but when Lucy’s latest missive goes unanswered for several weeks, she begins to worry about her brother.

Characters: John Watson & Lucy Watson (Watson!sister)

Content Warning: Angst (and comfort), War, Alcoholism

It was so quick, email.

The short span of time that passed from inception to send to received made it so Lucy Watson could connect with her brother in mere minutes, or half a minute if she typed quickly enough, almost no time at all in the scheme of things. She should have been more grateful for it, for the connection, for the ability to reach her brother when he was so far across the globe, unable to reach him or hear him. And she was grateful, even if it always left her wanting for a bit more.

It was much faster than dealing with the standard post. In theory, John received the messages as soon as they were sent. He had hypothetical access to her words at the very moment she hit the send button. He could write back the very same day, even.

These days, Lucy rarely felt closer to her brother than when a response made it back to her within the hour, a coincidentally timed missive full of what always seemed to be a detailed, thoughtful response to almost every word she'd sent his way, John's words swallowing her up like a hug, like an arm snaked around her shoulder while he asked after her day at school, like his careful hands addressing the careless wounds as he did in her childhood or his soothing voice calming her juvenile worries, the man chiding and commending and soothing her as appropriate, the perfect blend of stern and fun and proud. It sometimes amazed her how John managed to be all of those things in a matter of seconds, achieving it all through the medium of a simple email.

It was the knowledge of that very fact that brought Lucy Watson a bit of concern.

Her latest message had been sent almost two weeks before, cast off in the middle of the night, sometime after her older sister finally passed out, after her wife had left and Harry was exhausted from the booze and the fighting, tired from yelling at her wife and younger sister when the person she really wished to yell at was herself.

Harry and Lucy Watson had reconciled in the time since, the shouting and painful words that had passed between them a willingly forgotten piece of the past, something in Lucy almost wishing she hadn't sent the email to John that night, not at that alarmingly late hour when he'd be questioning her for being awake. Part of her would have been happy now to let the moment remain in the past, to allow it to become buried, to eventually be overshadowed, forgotten by the inevitable next time arrived, the encounters cushioned by the calm they were living in now.

It was a cycle Lucy was familiar with, the times of peace and war that passed through their household, its bounds determined by Harry’s drinking and the apologies, the unfilled promises and the feelings both sisters often left buried and untouched. They were back to peace now, back to their usual indifference, but the cycle was steady, predictable.

Lucy knew they'd go around again soon enough.

She read through the email settled in her ‘sent’ box once again, the eleventh or so pass since she’d originally sent it, her eyes skipping over the introductory small talk about school assignments and the weather to the only thing that had brought her any comfort during her brother’s digital silence, the vague picture she’d painted for them, a small memory revisited, nothing more than a casual question to test his recollection.

‘Remember when I was little and Harry’d chase me around the garden and when I grew tired, I’d run to you to keep me safe?’

The inquiry had originally been followed by ‘I miss being in your arms like that,’ a sentence Lucy deleted before sending the message into the ether, feeling too sentimental and obvious by it, too exposed even though it was only John on the other end of the message, or maybe feeling that way because it was John on the other side and he’d know the question truly meant something more, was hiding something more.

Lucy hadn’t wanted to place that concern on her brother, had only hoped he’d take the same comfort in recalling the moment that she did. Or maybe she’d wanted him to know, to pry, to make her confess it all, comforted more by the prospect of that than the memory of simpler times ever could accomplish.

In John’s silence, the comfort any of it brought her was waning. The longer she waited for a response, Lucy thought more that this was one instance of ‘no news is good news’ that brought her little satisfaction, and even beyond the silence, beyond the need of confirmation that her brother was alright...and safe...and alive, Lucy simply needed her brother. She needed him to remember the moment, to bask in the inherent and nostalgic goodness of it, and though Lucy had made it difficult for John, made it more cryptic to decipher, she did want him to simply know that things weren’t quite right at home without her having to say it. She wanted him back.

Lucy knew she couldn’t really have that, though. She couldn’t have him or his hugs or his smiles or the dry wit or the knowing looks he’d often dole out, a gentle scold offered with just his eyes, a message of doting care given with just a twitch of his lips as he tried to temper an insistent smile. Lucy had accepted that, accepted that she had to subsist on a more meager version of her brother’s comfort. His words. Imagined expressions. Memories.

Lucy spent more nights than anyone would have believed tucked away in bed with her older sister’s laptop, re-reading the messages she and John had passed back and forth since he’d gone away, imagining her brother’s voice as her eyes scanned over the screen, imaging his laughter and scoffs, imagining him fixing her with a look which said he knew precisely what she was leaving out, that he somehow knew that there was more there, more she wasn’t telling him.

John always knew. He was well aware that Harry wasn’t the perfect caretaker for their Lucy, knew that the girls had their rubs, knew that Harry had her struggles with the drinking, but there hadn’t been another choice, and John had always been comforted by the fact that his sister’s wife was there, a source of stability and calm for Harry, and for Lucy, too, but there were still things that troubled him.

Lucy read over her original message another time before pulling up the message she’d started drafting to her brother days ago. It was short and overly formal for the two of them, a brief ‘I hope you’re well. Please write me when you can,’ sandwiched between a sterilized greeting and send off.

Lucy hovered over the send button, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as she prepared herself to click, hoping beyond hope that John’s lack of reply was nothing more than a mistake, praying that his silence was due to a message gone incorrectly to the spam box or an instance of an unread email mistakenly set to read, willing herself to believe that the follow up message wouldn’t go unanswered.

Lucy’s finger continued to hover as the weary sort of silence that usually followed the woosh of a newly sent message prematurely settled within her. It was a terrible sort of vacuum that sucked everything along after it and she imagined all of her hope and wishing and patience would be sent off with the message itself, leaving her with very little left inside. She resigned herself to passing what little remained of the night, or the morning rather, with just that feeling for company, curled in her bed watching as the rising sun reached through her curtains to ease her into another day, but the chime of a new message came before she could bring herself to hit send and she moved to her inbox, pulling up the message from John, only two lines in length.

The first chided for the time her previous email had been sent, but the second was a morsel that could feed her for a bit. It was just an overly casual ‘You can reach me here for now,’ the words accompanied by a phone number, one she recognized as originating from England, in London.

The computer fell to the side as Lucy scrambled for her phone, fumbling with the keys as she dialed the number, her breath held as the rings continued on, a sob caught in her throat as a gruff throat clearing sounded from the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“Joh—” Lucy swallowed down the lump in her throat. “John?”

John sighed at hearing his sister’s voice, the heightened pitch nearly catching, nearly breaking before she’d reached the end of his name. His sigh was heavy despite being such a small gesture, filled with exhaustion and impatience, and still yet an ounce of understanding and compassion and pity at the very same moment.

“Lucy…”

She felt the lump in her throat thickening at hearing him say her name after so long, a few insistent tears spilling down her cheeks in the short moment of silence that engulfed them, her breath quietly hitching before John continued.

“It’s rather late, sweethear—”

A sob broke from Lucy’s end of the phone line. How long had it been since Lucy Watson had heard that particular endearment directed her way? John hadn't even finished with the word and she'd already been pulled apart by it, years of feigned strength and composure at John's absence ripped entirely from the girl.

John sighed again, setting aside his incriminations about the hour, hoping the curtain pulled closed between him and the roommate he’d been assigned to just the morning before was enough not to disturb the man. He seemed to be snoring still, so it was either that or the sturdy painkillers he’d been prescribed keeping him asleep.

“Alright, sweetheart,” John whispered into the phone, turning his body away from his neighbor best as he could with his limited range, shifting the borrowed laptop to safety. “It’s alright.”

Lucy continued crying on the other end of the line, coughing over her sobs and gasping for breath, seeking more air to fuel the painful howling, her attempts at verbal response to her brother nearly incomprehensible. And the pain of hearing that, the ache of listening to his sister in such a state and not being able to do a thing to help, he could swear that was far worse than the residual pain in his knee, far worse than the gunshot itself or the surgery or the intensive physical therapy regimen he’d been enduring since. The sensation filled his entire body. He felt it in the dropping of his stomach, in the drying of his throat, in the persistent ache in his heart, but John pushed it all aside and cleared his throat firmly enough to speak over the growing lump.

“It’s alright. Let it all out, sweetheart.”

John lost track of how long it went on like that, with him simply listening to the sounds of his sister’s anguish, a few years of pent up frustration and grief and hurt coming out of her in waves as he listened on helplessly from his bed in the London rehab, wishing he was there to soothe a bit of her pain, but settling for uttering of a string of comforting words that Lucy latched onto like they were an embrace, clinging to it as if John was right there in her room tending to the passing of a nightmare, dulling her pain and cries until it all shifted and the sounds that came from her were no longer filled with anguish he hadn’t known her capable of holding. They both shared a bit of relief as the line grew quiet, nothing more than their cadenced breathing falling between them.

Lucy sniffled and cleared her face. “You’re in London?”

“Yes,” he said.

“You’re home. You’re safe.”

John considered the allegations, considered the truth of her words even though there were parts of him that felt far from safe, parts of him that still felt kilometers and countries away, still in Afghanistan, still fighting, and a sound came from his mouth, the start of a shaky breath stifled almost as soon as he’d released it.

“You’re alright,” Lucy offered. “We’re alright.”

John cleared his throat, his grip tight on the phone receiver as he nodded to himself.

“Yeah, we are, sweetheart.”

Three or four deepened breaths passed between them then, the Watsons each staring out their respective windows at the dawning sky, the dark night slowly, but insistently turning to day.

“Lucy?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re alright?”

“Better,” she mumbled. She wouldn’t be quite alright until she actually saw him, but hearing John’s voice had made her feel better and it would be enough to carry her through until she could have the real thing. “You?”

“Better,” he confirmed, “but you should get to bed. You have school tomorrow.”

Lucy hummed as she smoothed her hand out across the quilt, reaching out to shut the laptop and set it away on the nightstand. “But I am already in bed, John.”

John snorted, his sister’s cheek loosening a part of him that had become too stiff while he had been away, some small part of him thawing as he smiled into the receiver.

“Better indeed,” John laughed. “Sleep well, sweetheart. Call me tomorrow.”

Sherlock BBC (Lucy Watson) Masterlist

500 Follower Celebration Masterlist

#sherlock fanfic #sherlock fanfiction #sherlock bbc #john watson #watson!sister #sister fic #500 follower celebration #hb.writes angst

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thehubby · 3 years

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Mike I need help. Every single time my players hit town they shop. Even if we had just gotten a bunch of stuff in the last session, and they swore up and down they didn't need *anything else*, they still go immediately to shop for more things and I'm getting frustrated and bored. We just had four weeks worth of sessions like this and I'm at the end of my patience. I had to shut the session down tonight before we even started because I said "we did a lot of shopping yesterday, so why don't we speed that up and leave town since there's nothing else you need." They immediately vetoed the idea and said no, actually, there was stuff they wanted to shop for!! Even though we just spent SIX HOURS shopping and talking to npcs yesterday!! My brain hit a wall and I had to tell them "I'm done, I can't do this anymore."

Help me MikeyWan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Long post ahead.

I am here for you, Anon. I feel your pain. Actually, that's unfair of me -- I understand your pain but have not experienced it myself because my table of players is very well balanced, and although one or two of them have an affinity for shopping, it's partly my fault for making so many homebrew items and letting them occasionally nab a few from shops. Still, the other players at the table keep them in line and keep the game moving reasonably. It sounds like your entire table (or at least the majority) is driving you crazy in this regard, which is a more difficult challenge.

Here are my suggestions. I can't guarantee that they will work against diehard shopaholics, but this general flow often works for obsessive player behavior in general (murder-hoboing, insistence on lots of combat, refusal to fight, power-playing, and so on). You may tackle any or all of these in whatever order you think will benefit your group. You know your players better than I.

Figure out and understand why your players are doing this. There could be lots of reasons. Some players, particularly long-time veterans (who were often brought up in "Monty Haul" adventures) or raised on modern MMOs and computer RPGs, become driven by the acquisition of items -- to them, if their character isn't adorned like a Christmas tree, they aren't a success. There are also players who have "big spender" syndrome, an actual behavioral condition that exhibits in tabletop and digital RPGS: the player believes that their rise to power and success as a character can only be evidenced when they demonstrate their wealth. Not to put on my Psych 101 hat, but this is sometimes a projection of the player's own worldviews and experiences with wealth (or lack thereof; after all, some people play games like this as an escape from the reality of their own hardships). In addition to staying at upscale inns (if they haven't acquired their own property) and eating fine foods (if they haven't sought out a private chef on retainer), their characters also interact with a lot of shopkeepers, who are generally pleased to see people laden with coin and interested in their wares. I mean, who doesn't like being able to throw around money for the latest glimmering bauble while the sales associate waits ever patiently? But for some, it goes much further, and can be every bit the same pleasure as getting the killing blow on that blue dragon. And finally, some players are really just there for the talking. That's their whole bag. They would be happy putting all their skill points into Diplomacy, Intimidate, Sense Motive and using every stat as a dump except Charisma. It's weird, given the combat-oriented nature of the game, but those people really do exist.

Understanding the motivation behind your player behaviors will give you the best chance of curtailing that behavior in a way that satisfies both you and them.

You said your players vetoed leaving town and immediately said that there were things they wanted to shop for. My question, were I in your shoes and with your level of frustration, would be to ask what such things were, and if the characters had a legitimate need for the items. If the characters know what they are looking for, you as GM can immediately determine if they're available in town, and if they're exotic, perhaps there might be some searching or wheeling and dealing to even find where they are sold. If the players are looking for typical fare like more healing potions or a replacement for those +1 arrows they used up, this is easily handled without a 20 minute chat-fest, especially if it's your third such today. If the players don't know what they want, and just want to see what's available, don't hesitate to ask them why they believe they are ill-equipped for their continuing adventures despite you or NPCs telling them as such.

Such behavior can also be forcibly slowed or even stopped through the world-controlling power you wield as the GM, although if not handled delicately, this can significantly raise tensions at the table. The PCs, having arrived in town after a week subduing trolls in the Sootblack Hills, find that the stores are all but empty of magic items. Even the most basic potions and scrolls are a crapshoot to find; they might scour the entire city in search of any place that even has a magic weapon available? Why? Plenty of reasons. War has broken out, and supplies for every city in a couple hundred miles have been bought up or seized by the warring factions. Perhaps the ruling monarch (or council or whatever) has decreed for unknown reasons that the manufacture and sale of magical items is forbidden, punishable by imprisonment. An ancient order may have been awoken and has begun the theft or destruction of arcane equipment -- except for their own, of course. These turns of events might cause the PCs' own equipment to become even more valuable (or a threat to their safety) -- but any newfound wealth will do them little good with nothing magical to buy. All of these and similar actions are only stop-gaps; eventually, the PCs would be expected to help resolve the war, overthrow the sovereign, defeat the ancient order, or whatever is in their way. And then you're back to where you are now.

Always keep in mind the Wealth By Level restrictions for characters. This represents how much wealth a character possesses at any one time for their level (some GMs take a more stringent view that it represents the total wealth a PC will have accrued by that point in their career, so if the players fritter it away on women and chimichangas, tough noogies.) Characters can only buy things if they have the wealth to do so. Selling items they don't want comes with a steep penalty. Even in great condition, shops rarely pay more than half price for an item due to taxes, restocking fees, how long it might take to sell, and so on. What this ultimately comes down to is that you control just how much these characters can buy and sell. They can only buy items if they have the coin, and they can only get the coin that you give them, or a lesser value for selling items they don't want. Become more stringent with money. At some point, the money runs out, and selling hard-earned loot for half its value stops being so fun. Do you really want to lose effectively 2,000 gold crowns for selling that +2 axe, or do you want to maybe put it to some use and come out more powerful than you would have buying some weaker item with the proceeds? If players decline to ever sell their equipment yet still expect to find new equipment, you can accommodate them by destroying their equipment. Enemies can sunder weapons and armor; a number of spells, magical effects or environmental hazards can deal damage to and potentially break anything exposed to them. This isn't being vengeful; it's being a good GM. [I remember watching Critical Role and over many episodes, perhaps the most traumatic and thrilling experience the players had (apart from character deaths) was when their beloved flying carpet was eaten by acid or lava or something. But it was a natural consequence of their actions, and they took it in stride, as they should.]

Finally, as with all things, you are the law. I always, always recommend talking with your players, either individually or as a table if needed, to tackle either your own frustrations or those of one or more players. But if push comes to shove, it's your game. You (presumably) respect the players by coming up with adventures, scenarios, NPCs, locations and all sorts of other stuff for them to tackle in a manner you expect to be fun. If they refuse to respect your preparation time and the time you spend at the table, by insisting to engage in continuous, pointless NPC discussions despite you expressing your dissatisfaction, then tell them you can't do it anymore. It isn't fun for you, and if the only way that they can have fun is in a way that is directly contradictory to you having fun, the game isn't going to work, period. If they sincerely change, fantastic; try to accommodate their need for shopping when you can and get on with the grand story at other times. If they refuse to change, leave them and get another table. That last part isn't always easy to do, and depending on your area, it might take a while to get another game going, but often a table where you're not having fun (and working hard to do it) is worse than no table at all. I wish you luck.

#Pathfinder #Dungeons and Dragons

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x0401x · 3 years

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Los Amigos

A short story from Tsujimura-sensei’s site for Henry’s birthday. Was actually published months ago, but I decided to post the translation today to celebrate the date. As always, feel free to message me about possible corrections, and please consider supporting the creators by purchasing digital copies of the official releases.

T/N: To the Spanish speakers reading this, I know that the lyrics of the happy birthday song aren’t quite right, but that’s how Tsujimura-sensei translated them. She’s trying, guys. She’s trying. _(:’з」∠)_

Someone from the distant past once said, “You come to know who your real friends are as you grow older”. Shimomura Haruyoshi’s actual feelings were that he didn’t want to know.

In short, he thought, this means one thing: although you meet a relatively large amount of people when you’re young, you only manage to keep in touch with a few of them after you get tossed about by time, by society and by individual people. This was nothing but a general theory, and he wished he could retort with a “that’s none of your business”.

Having left Japan and come to the remote countryside of Spain, he had but a handful of “friends” who he could keep in touch with. His days of being chased by lessons that seemed to keep on rushing and rushing no matter how fast he went were fulfilling, and though the presence of his school mates who played music with him in the same institute was stuffy, if he let himself go even just a little easy, he would be attacked by a sense of loneliness. It felt as if he were alone in the world and was doing things frantically.

“That’s why I’m really grateful to you, Enrique.”

“That aside, it would be great if you could improve your English a bit more.”

“English is hard... I’m already buried up to the neck with Spanish; my head would burst if I tried to study English too. It’d burn up, dude, burn up.”

“Ooh. That would be a problem.”

“Right? So let’s talk in Japanese and Spanish.”

“But if we do that, your English won’t improve. Just as you gave me assignments in Japanese, I gave you assignments in English. It’s okay, you can do it. I believe in you.”

“Enrique, you’re surprisingly spartan.”

“Not at all. Compared to my step-brother, I go as easy as it can get.”

“How many assignments does your step-brother give?”

“Let’s see... firstly, he would make you do a three-minute speech. After that, he would comment and make you do another speech based on it. And then comment again.”

“Oeeh. My mistake. Enrique-sama-sama. I like my curry sweet.”

“I like any kind of curry. Now, please do your best.”

Haruyoshi Shimomura fidgeted in front of the video call screen, and after hesitatingly saying, “All right, all right”, he slapped his cheeks as if he had made up his mind.

“Eh... I’m gonna do last time’s task, ‘short speech’.”

When prompted with a “go ahead” the young man began to speak.

His dream was to become a guitarist. There were many types of guitarists, but his goal was to become a guitarist who could do live concerts in Japan. He also wanted to invite his family and friends to his concerts. He would be happy if they could listen to his music and enjoy themselves.

That was it.

After saying this much, the young man’s words trailed off.

“Eh~, we still have quite a bit of time left, so for the rest, I’m going to do a ‘speech’ now,” saying so, Shimomura Haruyoshi reached his hand outside of the screen and took his guitar. And then, while playing the strings, he began to sing.

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you I hope this year will be Good for you, Enrique Happy birthday to you

As he finished singing Cumpleaños Feliz, he put away his guitar and clapped his hands.

The blond man on the other side of the screen was bewildered. “Why...?”

“‘Why’, you ask? Today’s your birthday, ain’t it? November 9th.”

“Forgive me if I forgot, but when did I tell you that?”

The young man smiled back at the man who asked him in English as politely as usual, except a little quick. “I asked for a telephone game. When I went to that party, I wanted to ask a lot of stuff since I had gone through the trouble, but we didn’t have much time to talk in the end, right? I wanted to at least ask about your birthday.”

The one that the young man had asked about it to was not the birthday person himself, but instead an old friend of his who had organized the party, Nakata Seigi. After saying, “Wait a bit”, Nakata Seigi went to ask his employer, who prided himself in a refined beauty that resembled Mount Fuji at the break of dawn, and then quickly came back with the information.

“My bad for asking it without telling you. But I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Do you know what my relationship with that person is?”

“Eh? With Nakata’s boss? Nope, nope; you a client of his?” While saying that he should have asked how Richard knew his birthday, Shimomura Haruyoshi gave himself a forehead slap.

As Enrique smiled and said nothing but “is that so”, he once again expressed gratitude for the courteous celebration of his birthday. The Asian young man shook his head with a “no biggie, no biggie”.

“Y’know, I... I’m aware that I’ve walked a thorny road when it comes to building up relationships with other people, and it’s not like I’m gonna be in Spain forever, but even if I go back to Japan, I also don’t think I’m gonna settle there forever. Even if people say that ‘you come to know who your real friends are as you get older’, it’s just a matter of having less friends with time, isn’t it? That’s why,” Shimomura Haruyoshi laughed, “Enrique, thanks a lot. I’m grateful to you. Thanks for being my friend. When you seem to be having fun, I have fun too.”

Enrique made a completely exhausted face, then gave an embarrassed-looking, bashful smile after moment and applauded him. “That was a wonderful speech.”

“Ah, the one just now? It counted as a speech? Lucky me.”

“Haruyoshi... you are... pretty frivolous... sometimes.”

“Sorry, sorry. Wait, Enrique, when did you learn such a difficult word in Japanese?”

“I read it in a book.”

And so, Enrique began speaking in English once again. He talked about not knowing the saying “you come to know who your real friends are as you get older”, but he knew the following words.

Shimomura didn’t understand very well the proverb that he recited torrentially from memory. He was only able to catch the words “friendship”, “wine” and “milk”.

As he titled his head with a “so, in short, what do you mean?”, Enrique gave an elder-like smile and said in Spanish, “‘Friendship is like wine. Raw when new, ripened with age, the true old man’s milk and restorative cordial’ - these are the words of Thomas Jefferson, one of the presidents of the United States.”

“A brewing of friendship, huh.”

“There are no true or fake friends. Friends are just friends. They’re not an universal medicine that can solve anything, be it uncertainties towards the future, homesickness or other such things. But I believe they’re something limitlessly similar to that. Haruyoshi, please cheer up. We are music pals. I’m here with you.”

Shimomura gave a strained smile. He, who had the natural disposition of a youngest child, was fond of the sometimes fastidiously straightforward side of this man named Enrique. If anything, he was the sort of companion that made Shimomura want to follow him.

“Thanks, Enrique. I feel like I’m gonna cry. I’m counting on you from now on too.”

“Same here; please take... care of me.”

“Hehe.”

And so, the two brought the language study to a close and moved on to talking about briefing sessions for new songs like usual. “By the way, about those Yakuza-like lines used for threats that I had to teach you a while ago, why on earth did you want to know something like that, and surely you didn’t actually have to use them, right?” was a question that Shimomura Haruyoshi forgot to ask.

#housekishou richard shi no nazo kantei #the case files of jeweler richard #housekishou richard #jeweler richard #richard #tsujimura nanako #henry claremont #shimomura haruyoshi #novel #my translation

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forgottenyogurtgods · 3 years

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Author stuff: Alright, picking up right where we left off! Sorry this took so long. I couldn’t find a bit of research ANYWHERE and it’s super annoying, so I eventually gave up and decided to omit it until I can actually slip it in at some point.

Also, Alya is now actively involved!

no body, no crime

by forgottenyogurtgods

Summary: [I think he did it but I just can’t prove it. No, no body, no crime But I ain’t letting up until the day I die.]

Adrien is a Swiftie. To be fair, who isn’t? And her Evermore album? Chef’s kiss! Except… one song put an idea in his head and now he can’t get it out.

Inspired by this tumblr post.

Chapter 3/?

[First chapter] [Last Chapter]

Episode 3

Two years ago, Emilie Agreste vanished without a trace. Her car was found abandoned on the side of the road, just outside of Paris. All of her things were still inside.

No one has seen or heard from her since that night.

The police are officially calling it a missing person’s case.

I am your host, Adrian Agreste, and I plan to use this podcast docu-series to find out what happened to my mother and prove to the world that my father killed her.

The investigation on my mother’s disappearance wasn’t that deep of an investigation. It barely scratched the surface. It was all for show.

No one was putting in any effort to find out what happened to her. But why?

Well, that’s actually pretty easy to figure out. My father has a lot of influence here in Paris. There’s no getting around that. He… he can pay off people or threaten them, if it comes to it, to keep their silence or to make sure things never get out.

Which is why he’s my number one suspect.

Okay, okay. I know what you’re thinking: Adrien, why would you blame your father if you don’t have any proof?

That’s the thing, there is no proof. We have very little beyond what was released to the press. Which is why I, ahem, got Chat Noir involved.

[I still can’t believe that you asked them without consulting me first. I do have ways to get a hold of them, you know.]

I, uh, I was going to introduce you, you know.

[It’s fine. I can introduce myself.

Hey, ladybloggers and listeners! I’m Alya Cesaire. Most of you living here in Paris know me for running the Ladyblog — which has every possible scoop on the dynamic duo, Ladybug and Chat Noir.]

As well as Rena Rouge and the rest of the gang.

[Yeah, Rena Rouge is cool and everything, but have you seen Carapice in action?]

[Uh, dudes, can you not?]

Aw, what’s wrong, Nino? Don’t want to hear your girlfriend talk about a superhero?

[Not that I mind it or anything, but not on the podcast. Okay, Alya?]

[Sure, babe.

Anyway! Where was I?]

Talking about the superhero gang that roams Paris and saves it from Hawkmoth.

[Yeah, still working on unmasking him.]

It’ll happen soon enough.

[Oh, how do you know?]

Eh, it’s just something that I feel.

So, back to what we were talking about?

[Right, so I run the Ladyblog. Which means I should have been told that Chat Noir was helping with the investigation.]

Uh… Sorry?

[Yeah, yeah.]

So, want to tell my listeners how you figured out how little investigating went into the, uh, investigation?

[Okay, so, me and my girl Marinette got recruited pretty early on in this project. As in, before Adrien even decided to make this into a podcast. Great idea, by the way.]

Thanks.

[So, she and I were printing out as many news articles that we could find. And going to different libraries and going through the newspaper archives. There wasn’t much that hadn’t been digitized, but we did notice some… things, I guess you can say, in wording.

That was kind of my biggest clue.

In journalism, we have to use certain wording for certain things. It’s pretty standard for the wording to change throughout the investigation as more information is uncovered. In fact, you tend to expect it. This is normal in any missing persons or murder case.

…You okay?]

Yeah. I’m fine. Just, um, yeah. Just continue.

[With Emilie’s case, your mom’s case, the wording never changed. It actually hasn’t changed at all. Except for when your dad held the, um, the funeral service. For her.]

And that… that got you thinking?

[Yeah. It got me thinking.

Why weren’t there any changes? Why wasn’t a whole lot of new info being given out? It’s true that only so much could be said, but there was nothing. No motivation for her running away of being kidnapped, no motivation for murder, no suspects list, no evidence found in her car or in the area surrounding it, no nothing.

She simply disappeared.

This big investigation for a woman — a pretty, white socialite, who would normally garner the biggest investigation you could ever possibly imagine. And you know it’s true. This investigation wasn’t going anywhere. It was stagnant.

Why? Why was that? Why has nothing been put out in the years since?]

You have a theory?

[I have two.

The first: Someone’s being paid off and big time. Someone knows something or someone did something and now we’re all being kept in the dark.]

I hate to ask, but any ideas?

[None that you would like, and I don’t want to point fingers because I wouldn’t be able to afford the legal ramifications if I said who.]

Right.

And the next theory?

[The reason that there’s no new information is because nothing new has been found. It’s… sad, to say the least, but it’s true.

There is so little evidence, so little motive, so little everything. It’s not difficult to believe that everything is already in police custody. There’s nothing else for them to collect.]

Hm.

[Not exactly what you wanted to hear, is it?]

It’s that obvious?

[It’s understandable. She’s your mom. I don’t think… I don’t think I would be able to handle it if my mom or any of my sisters or my dad ever went missing and nothing new came up.]

Yeah.

[So, I have a question.]

Okay.

[What makes you think that your dad killed your mom?]

Author stuff cont’d.: Going to have to relisten to the true crime podcast that really got me into them.

Also available on

[Ao3]

[FanFiction.Net]

[Wattpad]

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #miraculous fanfic #miraculous ladybug fanfic #mlb fanfic #mlb no body no crime

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thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness · 3 years

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Kaoru Ongaku to Hito Interview May 2021

DIR EN GREY Endless originality. Don't shake, don't move, don't give up. As the leader and main composer of DIR EN GREY, he made me realize in this interview that even if the band is in a situation in which they can't move forward, they are still striving toward their own determination without losing sight of their desire to create music. The new single "Oboro" is a ballad with a simple sound envision that insists on the melody and lyrics. In this single, which was made with the intention of being widely listened, you can feel a different stance on the sounds and the arrangements. I think his obsession with music and the pursuit of originality are changing because of his age and career. On the other hand, the latest promotional photos are still grotesque and chaotic. The future this band is heading for it’s held by his unchanging desire for music. Here there is a dialogue with him which makes you believe so.

Notes before reading: This is Kaoru’s interview featured in Ongaku to hito music magazine May 2021.

You can get this magazine at cdJapan (totally worth it!) Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) -----------

Text by Higuchi Yasuyuki Photographs by Amita Mari Hair & make-up by Yamaguchi Atsushi_ EKYQ

“I’m not in the mood to say ‘let’s do this now’ but recently, making astounding/ crazy songs might be difficult”

(While turning over the latest issue ...) Kaoru: Did M-AGE make a come back?

*M-AGE is a Japanese electronic pop/rock band active during the early 90s. They were feature in the previous issue of Ongaku to hito, April 2021* -Are you affected by that band? (laughs). Kaoru: I was surprised (laughs). -A band that disbanded more than 20 years ago did a comeback, there are another band that the drummer who has been a member for 20 years has left, there have been various things happening (in the music industry) in the past year, but DIR EN GREY has not lost to Corona. K: When it comes to losing, there is nothing you can do about it. - What do you think is the reason why these five people are continuing, without stopping, as a band? K: Isn't it because every one of us think we can’t go beyond this band? If someone gives up, we are not confident we can do something better than what we are doing now. It’s like, we can't get away from each other. It's easier to express your opinion if you keep a certain distance in that sense, and you don't have to accumulate stress about it. -By the way, throughout this year you noticed things and had some thoughts about the band. K: That’s right….well, since the creation process was originally done remotely, I rarely had the opportunity to meet with the members other than the tour, but in reality it was important to have casual conversations with the members during the tour. There was a moment when the ideas changed depending on the words I exchanged with the members on the spot like “we should try to make this kind of song”… But it was a year when I was making songs without this input, so it’s like there was a part of me that felt gloomy. -You felt the importance of talking with the members. K: Even if we communicate remotely, we can just communicate by voice or text but, the mood/situation, the temperature, facial expressions etc…that can only be perceived directly so I thought those things are important after all. -In that situation, did the band make a song that only can be made now or tried to aim for something in your work?

K: That’s not case. It was as usual. We are not in the mood to do something like that now. However, it has nothing to do with this situation but we talked about how recently it’s becoming harder to make crazy songs. -A crazy song? K: When the band tries to create a song, naturally it turns out quite relaxed/calm. It feels like it’s what our bodies want. -Why do you want that kind of thing? K: I think that kind of songs makes you feel good, isn’t it? If we want to make a song like “Gya!” (fierce), we can make it but if we do it naturally, there will be more calm/relaxed songs. In other words, our previous single (digital single ‘Ochita koto no aru Sora) was a song we made with the intention of creating something fierce. -Intentionally, you made a fierce song. K: So, there was a talk about what kind adjustments should be done. We did it this time as well, but for now we are not thinking too much about it. Originally, ‘ARCHE’ (album released in 2014) was an album that was closer to that feeling. I just tried to do things I liked. There were a lot of slow and calm songs, but maybe it's easier to come up with such songs these days. -That’s why you can’t let yourself go with your natural flow… K: That’s right. So, the next album ('The Insulated World') was shaken off in the opposite direction. Of course, there are still intense/fierce songs coming out from the members. However, the songs everyone selects and remains in the top ranks are generally calm/relaxed. - 'Oboro' is a song that was born in such a situation. K: There was a talk about this single like ‘let’s make it easy for people who listen to DIR EN GREY for the first time, having an easy-to-understand melody”, so this song became a single. -Why did you decide to go in that direction? K: Somehow, we thought there are quite a lot of people who only know the name DIR EN GREY these days, but don't know what kind of music we are playing. Then, we feel like trying to make it easy for such people to get into us. So, I think it's quite challenging for us. -You are not really a band that “goes outside”. But also this song, it’s a song that can be classified as a ballad in DIR EN GREY. K: It’s the kind of song we usually would keep for the album. It’s also interesting to dare to release it as a single. -It’s certainly a relaxing song and the variety of sounds is small, so it seems easy to approach but the latest promotional photos….(laughs) I was like “what’s your intention?”. K: Fufufufu (laughs) -But it looks like because of those photos the door is going to be closed before they listened to your music (laughs). K: That's why it's not that simple, like the sound or the tone of the song is intense or not. The song is like this, but this band is actually called ‘fierce’. -You mentioned earlier it may be a matter of age, but the taste of music changes just as the taste of food changes when you get older. K: That's right. -So, recently, I feel this band doesn't try to resist such changes so much, or like you have started to project a realistic/true-to-life self into music. K: By all means, it looks like we became adults, right? -That’s why I’m familiar with it because we are from the same generation, it just fits. You can listen to it and enjoy a song with faint sounds instead of roaring ones. K: That's right. Simply, this kind of song is the one that roots in me. For example, the synthesizer-like sound that comes out first. -The intro with a synthesizer-like sound? K: That's right. That's my roots, originally I liked the New Wave and listened to it, so I tried to create what I was waiting for. *New wave is a broad music genre that included numerous pop and rock styles from the late 1970s and the 1980s* -But I think DIR EN GREY was the kind of band in which the roots of each member weren't projected in that way. K: After all, if five people do it, chemical changes will occur and the result will be completely different. But lately, the things I created haven't changed much, and sometimes they reach the end point. Of course, it's arranged in detail, but for this song, it's pretty much the same shape than at the beginning. -So, I got the impression it was a song that was unlikely to be done by DIR EN GREY until now. K: Maybe if we tried to keep it for the album, the arrangement would have been different. Because it’s a single, maybe I tried to listen to the melody. -In other words, it doesn’t feel like DIR EN GREY. K: Yes, if you listen to it with your existing values/sense of values, you might think it's not like DIR EN GREY. But this time we wanted to do that. That’s why when the president of our label listened to the demo first, said something like ‘This, isn’t it a bit insufficient/unsatisfactory?’ the reply was ‘No, that’s not the case’ (laughs) -Ahahahaha K: So, I think it's a new type of song. But just because this song seems to happen once in a while, the other songs are going to change steadily due to chemical changes going on. "This new song isn't fierce or shocking. Certainly, you can listen to it smoothly but actually….” -Then, I have a question for you Kaoru, not for the band, but do you think your personality has changed a lot from 10 years ago? K: How is that in reality? - Specifically, "DUM SPIRO SPERO" that came out 10 years ago is your commitment and obsession/attachment. In other words, I think it's an album that is full of personality. So, this time 'Oboro' comes from your roots,In other words, it's a song that is full of personality. However, if you compare these two works, the contrast is so huge that you can't think they were made by the same person. K: That's not true. -Oh really? (laughs). K: That's not true (laughs). For me, both are the same me. -But as a listener, I get the impression that the music is exactly the opposite, or that it's completely different. K: Certainly it’s the exact opposite when you are referring to a band called DIR EN GREY, but it’s not that different for me, rather, it’s connected. -What kind of connection do you have? K: The sound may be different, but the points we are focused are the same. Especially this time, it feels like we've created each sound in detail, so it's more like I'm playing with the precision of a machine inside rather than the outward appearance of the music. -I see. K: Anyway, the most particular thing about this song is the sound of the synthesizer at the intro I mentioned earlier. I thought the sound at the beginning would determine everything in this song. - Since that kind of determination/passion has disappeared, I was wondering if it would be a song that would allow me to listen to the melody simply. K: That's not true. Is it natural to stick to that? For example, I bought a synthesizer, and it makes interesting sounds so I tried to create something. But the preset sounds you got when you bought the synthesizer (Note: it's set in advance) don’t work for me. -Why not? K: You have to create your own original ones. Even if I think the preset sounds are are catchy the way they are, I dare to stick to my original ones. Otherwise I can't be satisfied. - I wondered if you had finally abandoned that kind of troublesome pickiness(laughs). K: I’m really picky about that (laughs). But I think that’s normal when you make music. Even commercial pop music can be really picky about it. -You're right. You're right. K: Because it was created with that detail,I think people who listen to it will say "Oh!".If it wasn’t created in that way, it won't convey anything, and if it's as simple as this song, it won't be interesting unless you are committed to it. That is why it is the same as "DUM ". -Surely, but what if you could make it smoothly without being so committed/picky about it? K: Sometimes it’s easy to create, still, it would be nice if it makes you feel something. -I agree. K: This new song isn’t intense or shocking when it comes to the music, so you can listen to it smoothly, that’s why there is something for sure that makes you go like “this song!”. But in reality, there are several sounds, I’m just not trying to hear them properly. It sounds like something that makes you feel it, you can’t hear it clearly, but it’s there. It’s not something new, to stick to that kind that sound, but in that sense it might feel like different or new. -At first, I had the impression that it was new or something different from what I heard before , but that may be the result of your commitment, to the point that you couldn't hear it. K: I don't know if the word "new" is correct, but now I want to create in a way that makes easy to project ourselves, while blending it with something that makes our guts/intestines stick out. If we can do that, I think it will be something different and interesting, like "DIR EN GREY is doing something interesting again". I feel like I'm exploring that aspect now. -We talked about age before but, Isn't this age the time to imagine something like the time remaining? Like taking it easy at this point…..that kind of idea. K: Rather the opposite. I don't know how long I'll be able to create something I'm compromised with, and whether if I will keep having this energy or physical strength. I want to keep doing it as long as I can. I can only make music with what I have, so I'm not overdoing it in that sense, but I'm overdoing it in a different sense (laughs). You can't create it without straining yourself. -I see, you are not lying to yourself. K: Of course. However, if you rely only on yourself, it won’t beat your expectations. I don’t think that this will change, no matter how many things happen. Still, at last I started to think that our music has some power of persuasion. Do you think we can keep competing with just our music? -It's been like that for a long time. But this band is like asking for something impossible, it’s a band that won’t disappear. K: But isn’t it about creating things? -I agree. Is it still fun to create things? K: It's fun (laughs) -Immediate answer (laughs) K: If we can do it forever, I want to do it forever. There are a lot of difficult moments, but I really like it. -As long as these five people are able to share that feeling, this band will continue. K: I think so. It's okay as long as I believe in myself and the members. -I see……your speech was much worse than reading a bad self-help book (laughs). K: hahahaha

#dir en grey #kaoru #ongaku to hito #translation

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citrus-cactus · 3 years

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10 (more) characters, 10 (more) fandoms

Heeey, thanks for tagging me @sanzoline! I wrote one of these a few years ago, but there are always other characters and fandoms to talk about, so yeah, let’s do it!

Forgive me for not just listing them, I must ramble and post gifs and the like, so under the cut to be polite!

There are a couple of themes to my choices here, one being “characters who I think deserve more love,” and the other being that I (still) like big ensemble casts and it’s REALLY HARD to pick favorites sometimes, but I did my best!

Digimon Frontier: Soooooo… I DO really like the trio of Takuya, Kouji, and Kouichi, even through it a) sucks and b) is stupid that the writers decided they were the only ones that mattered in the second half of the series. But I’ve always thought Frontier was more likable for its potential rather than its execution on several matters anyway, and that is also going to inform what I’m about to say here as well. Guys, I really like Junpei Shibayama. This kid deserves more love.

Note that in no way do I condone everything JP does. But I think he has a really solid arc of growth and development, despite all of Frontier’s pacing and focus problems. He starts out deeply insecure (and with good reason! His social rejection at the hands of his classmates is utterly heartbreaking to watch when it comes up later) and more than a little pushy/entitled, with most (if not all) of his early behavior seeming to stem from his own misunderstandings of how to form meaningful bonds with people. But it’s something that he’s forced to confront as his time in the Digital World unfolds, and we start to see other sides of him emerge. He’s clever; funny; he has a big heart; a sense of justice; and a willingness to acknowledge many of his own failings, and even starts to address them. I like to think that he eventually becomes fully, genuinely respectful towards Izumi (though uh… every time a new piece of supporting Frontier media reveals he still has the same childish crush on her, I do kind of die a little bit inside...and I actually ship them together! Trust me, it’s. COMPLICATED.). But on the whole JP as a character has a lot of realized and unrealized potential, and while he’s not perfect, he’s still a great kid, inside and out. I’m rooting for ya, JP!

Appmon: OK, you’d think. YOU’D THINK that because I have a sideblog dedicated to him, Haru would be my favorite. But he’s not. And I actually love ALL of the kids, so you’d also think that this decision would be really difficult. But it’s not. My absolute favorite character in Appmon, and one of my favorite characters across all of Digimon(!!) is Yuujin Oozora.

(Side rant: I CAN'T BELIEVE I had to RECREATE THIS GIF from SCRATCH because Tumblr APPARENTLY FORGOT there are gifs of him out there, but I did that JUST for this SILLY POST. SUCH IS MY LOVE OF THIS BOY!!!!... but anyway, I digress.)

My love of Yuujin is meteoric. Yuujin is THE reason I both wanted to watch and stuck with Appmon, and his whole deal (including but not limited to subversion of the “guy who looks like the main character” trope) is still the most intriguing thing about the series, and why (to me), Appmon is such a standout season of Digimon. Plus his relationship with Offmon. And Offmon himself. And THEN when you factor in his relationship with Haru… that’s when I have to go lie down for a while. YUUUUUUJIIIIIIIN!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: One of my recent quarantine projects was to (finally!) watch the whole series, and since I can’t actually pick between any of the main four (Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles… er, well, no. Unlike JP, Xander’s “yikes” moments FAR outweigh his positive ones, so he’s out of the running. I *do* love Alyson Hannigan’s acting to death and will watch her in absolutely anything, BUT!!!!!), I’m going to pick someone who was NOT a part of the series from beginning to end because otherwise it's too hard!!! Ahem. While nothing in my mind can truly top Season 2, Season 5 comes really close, and a big part of that is Dawn. Controversial pick, but I’m going to go with Dawn Summers, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me.

I LOVE how she was just Chibi-Usa’d into the plot-- and while yeah, she’s *technically* more of a plot device than a character (who, it seems, the writers had virtually NO idea what to do with after S5), I still like what she brings to the show, how effortlessly she fits into the story, and how she has unique relationships with ALL of the pre-established characters right from the get-go. Just… wow. REALLY good writing there. But Dawn: she’s the “bratty little sister,” she’s a young teen still trying to figure out her life, she just wants a normal life and opportunities to do Dumb Teen Stuff, but her proximity to Buffy really throws a wrench in that and hey, she has neither the calling of the Slayer nor the special powers to help her out :( Her presence gives both Buffy and Xander CROWNING character moments (the S5 finale and near the end of S7, respectively), and hey, Michelle Trachtenberg gets a fun dance number with a demon in the musical episode. Don’t hate; Dawn is great!

KiraKira PreCure A La Mode: I’ve only watched two Precure series, this one and Healin’ Good (see below). And while initially I was all about Akira (Great outfit! Dog theme! Chocolate! Little sister!) I actually found myself more intrigued by the cat ladies, Yukari and Aoi. I like that Yukari is kind of manipulative (she tricks Julio rather brilliantly, and became elected leader of the town's cats that one time??), but several of her focus episodes were about the will-she-won’t-she of leaving the group (because she’s soooo fickle!) and that got kind of old after a while—so, sorry Yukari, I’m going to go with Aoi Tategami on this one. She had my favorite transformation sequence, and her double life (wealthy but restricted lifestyle vs. the freedom of following her passions) is always a dynamic I enjoy. Her bandmates/band rivals were cool, plus her moments of friendship with Himari were so cute! Here's to you, lion girl!

Healin’ Good Precure: I! Like! All! The! Girls!!!! And how they interact together. This one IS really hard. But Hinata Hiramitsu is best girl. The catgirl wins again! :O I love her energy, she has some extremely relatable faults/focus episodes, and I like what we see of her family. Plus I love her outfit and transformation sequence the most! Nodoka, Chiyu, and Asumi are all GREAT, but yeah, it’s gotta be Natasha Hinata.

Laid-Back Camp: Rin Shima. Rin is a good good solo camping girl! I like her fashion and her scooter and her general vibe. Going to far-flung campsites in the middle of winter to take pictures of dogs, read books, and text with her friends? A bit too chilly for me, but I’m here to watch it!!

Final Fantasy VII: Cloud Strife. Man, I don’t even know what to say about Cloud. FFVII Original is my Favorite Game of All Time and I love the theme of identity, and how crucial it is to Cloud’s journey. His characterization changed slightly during the Compilation years, but I’m mostly OK with it (I’ve only seen Advent Children once and thought it was pretty “meh,” but maybe I should give it another try?). I love that he is an unreliable narrator. I love the insanity that is Wall Market. I love how much of an Awkward Dork he is. And I just want him to be OK. My most fervent hope that someday he can take a break from swords and motorcycles and go live a quiet life raising chocobos and snowboarding in the mountains because my goodness he deserves it!!

Special shoutout to all the girls, but especially YUFFIE!! Intergrade is coming and all of a sudden I’m sad I don’t have a PS5 :C

Princess Tutu: Ahiru. Gosh, Princess Tutu is a such a good show, and Ahiru is the biggest sweetie. All of the main four characters are so important to me for one reason or another and I *almost* went with Rue here, but Ahiru is just so pure and sweet and adorable and funny. Actual favorite magical girl heroine of all time maybe??

Spider-Man: Miles Morales. I’ve gotta be honest... I’ve never actually read/watched/played anything where Miles is a main character. But I’ve seen excerpts of those things and I already know he is Best Spider-Man. What a good kid!! More Miles, please!!!!

Muppets: Gonzo. He’s on his own wavelength, he’s an Artiste™, a Prince of Plumbers, and he loves chickens. “Jamboree” is a quintessential Gonzo Song and I've thought about it a lot as an adult on the long, winding path to embracing my own imaginative inner weirdo. Gonzo is Important To Me.

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And there we are!

Hmmmm... I tag @rockthistowninsideout, @stuckinthewrongworld, @keep-on-trying, @seregkat, @aikotters, @vidramon, @skuag, @ex-mousse, @nya-vivi, @winged-wolf-dreamer, and anyone else who wants to. No obligations, of course!

#about me #the cactus speaks #the cactus rambles about cartoons #the cactus watches precure #man I love cloud finalfantasy strife #miles morales is best and deserves the world #digimon frontier #appli monsters #appmon #muppets

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A Clockwork Orange at 50: Malcolm McDowell Revisits Kubrick’s Film

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“I think I’ve always been my own kind of person, and you know sometimes to my detriment,” says Malcolm McDowell, chatting to Den of Geek via Zoom, 50 years after the release of A Clockwork Orange.

“I’ve never really played the Hollywood card, I’m not really an insider, that’s just not my thing. And I like to be able to say no. And that’s it.That’s not probably a politically correct thing to do. However, too bad. I’m still here 50 years later.”

McDowell is talking to us from LA, his accent a soft mix of Yorkshire, where he grew up, and California where he has resided for much of his professional life. He is funny and charismatic, with a hint of the mischievous, he says people still find him “a little intimidating” – traits which he brought out in spades for his breakout roles, first as rebellious school boy Mick Travis in Lindsay Anderson’s If… and then as violent delinquent Alex Delarge in Stanley Kubrick’s bold, blistering and controversial satire A Clockwork Orange.

Watching it today it seems hard to believe the movie is 50 years old – it’s lost none of its power. Set in a futuristic dystopian Britain, McDowell plays gang leader Alex, who with his band of ‘droogs’, gets high on ‘milk plus’ and commits a horrible home invasion and rape, and later a murder. Apprehended by the police, Alex agrees to participate in a new kind of aversion therapy which makes him physically unable to commit crimes, causing pain and nausea at the very thought, in exchange for a reduced sentence.

Alex is robbed of freewill, becoming the Clockwork Orange – an organic thing with a machine inside – of the title. It’s a movie of big themes, of totalitarian governments controlling citizens and left wing dissidents exploiting individuals, it’s a discussion of goodness and evil, of youth and authority, which is visually striking and often shockingly so. And to many it’s a masterpiece.

Kubrick’s film is an adaptation of the novel by Anthony Burgess, which like the movie uses a language Burgess called Nadsat (from the Russian suffix meaning ‘teen’) – a mix of Russian, English and Cockney rhyming slang.

McDowell recalls his first meeting with Kubrick which took place at Kubrick’s house in Boreham Wood, during McDowell’s lunch hour filming Bryan Forbes’ Long Ago, Tomorrow. Kubrick said he’d seen If.. four or five times and it had made a big impression on him.

“We had a very nice chat but he didn’t mention anything and at the end I said ‘Well, I’ve got to get back to work. Was there anything you wanted to talk to me about in particular?’ And I could see his discomfort, at having to actually tell me that, yeah, he was thinking of making this book into a movie. And anyway, he begrudgingly gave me the title, gave me a copy of the book and told me to read it and call him,” McDowell smiles.

He describes the book as “a damn difficult read on the first go” but by the third go he was convinced. “I read it and I went, Holy crap, what a part! Oh geez!”

No kidding. Alex is front and centre of the entire film, he’s the narrator and charged with delivering difficult lines about ‘ultraviolence’, ‘weepy young devotchkas’ and how the treatment is affecting his ‘gulliver’.

Burgess was a linguist and his decision to make a new hybrid youth slang was a practical one. He wanted the youths in this world to feel ‘other’ and separate from the grown ups but felt if he’d chosen to use contemporary slang that the book would date quickly. It was a shrewd move that Kubrick stuck to, helping the film have a sense of timelessness.

Then there were the iconic costumes worn by Alex and his droogs – removed from any particular era of fashion they were simple but immediately intimidating. The look came about via a moment of serendipity between McDowell and Kubrick when Kubrick asked his star what he had in mind for the costume himself.

“I said ‘Futuristic, I don’t know!’” McDowell laughs. “He goes, ‘What have you got?’ I went ‘What have I got? I mean I’ve got jeans and a T-shirt and I’ve got my cricket gear in the car’. He goes, ‘We’ll put it on. And then ‘What’s this?’ I went, ‘Well, that’s the protector’. He said ‘Wear it on the outside’. And that’s the iconic costume, right there, boom.”

McDowell says he had around six months of prep time where he got to know Kubrick really well, where Kubrick grew to trust him which he describes as being really fun. That trust between the two was important – McDowell had heavy lifting to do physically, including the indelible scenes of the ‘Ludovico technique’ which saw his eyelids pinned back (he scratched a cornea) and the humiliation scene, after his conversion, (he cracked several ribs). McDowell plays this down, “Most of the time it was fun to do. I had a couple of injuries but they weren’t life threatening. They were fairly painful, but it was really a small price to pay.”

On a rewatch these moments still standout, though there are others too – an extended sequence where Alex is being drowned in a trough by his former friends knocks the breath out of you.

“To be honest with you, it’s a complete cheat,” says McDowell of the scene. “There’s one cut right at the beginning. That water was cold and they coloured it with Bovril. I mean can you imagine beef extract? It stank to high heaven, it was absolutely like shit! And it was cold because we shot it I think in November. So they couldn’t heat the water because it steamed. I could only literally last three to five seconds before I had to come up for air. And so he put a tank of oxygen in there with a mouthpiece, and I spent my time trying to find the mouthpiece, which was bobbing around. It was harrowing.”

Not to mention he was being beaten with a billy club at the same time.

“Admittedly, it’s rubber, but it still hurts,” McDowell recalls. “You can still feel it, and you feel like you’re in a nether world, you’re underwater, you’re sort of like drowning, but not quite. It’s a pretty good shot though.”

As well as the language, the soundtrack, the costumes and McDowell’s performance, the movie is also remembered for the controversy surrounding it. Allegations of copycat crimes as well as death threats sent to the director prompted Kubrick to pull the film from UK distribution in 1973, making it difficult to see in Britain until after Kubrick’s death in 1999. McDowell says the withdrawal didn’t especially affect him at the time, since he was in another country filming, and the movie had already been shown for a year. “It wasn’t like he pulled it at the height of its success so people couldn’t see it.”

Though it remains tough to watch in part, McDowell says younger audiences seem more comfortable with the comedy and satire elements of the film, a strand that was always intended.

“It is a black comedy and that’s how it was made. And I would have to say that that element of it has caught up, and kids when they see the movie now just roar with laughter and that makes my heart sing because that’s what I thought when I made it,” he says. “When it first came out, my god! It was total silence in the cinema, nobody moved out of their seats.”

When we ask McDowell what he hopes new viewers coming to the film today might take from it he’s typically candid: “I really have nothing to say about that. You know they can take whatever they want.” Though he says he thinks it’s amazing that the film is still relevant which he attributes to Burgess’s book even more than Kubrick’s adaptation.

Then after a beat he follows up with an anecdote.

“Well, actually I did go to a screening for the 40th anniversary at the Egyptian, I also gave a bit of a talk. At the end I was walking towards the bathroom and a young kid passed me, and goes ‘Oh my god! Clockwork right?’ I went, ‘Yeah!’ he goes, ‘Which part?’ I went, ‘The old guy’. He goes, ‘The old guy! Oh!’ I went, ‘No! the young guy! It’s 40 years old!’ he went, ‘Oh!’ he didn’t even connect,” McDowell chuckles. “I don’t know what he was smoking.”

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To mark its 50th anniversary, A Clockwork Orange Ultimate Collector’s Edition is now available to own here and includes the feature film on a Ultra HD Blu-ray™ disc in 4K with HDR and a Blu-ray™ disc with the feature film and special features. Fans can also own A Clockwork Orange in 4K Ultra HD via purchase from select digital retailers.

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