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#so i have to go to a salon and see if they can get it off
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Older! Sugar daddy Eddie???
Warning: includes daddy kink and dom older Eddie. When I wrote this I thought of Older!Eddie with younger reader but it isn't specified.
Eddie is older now and the band is starting to really get noticed. Once that happens, he will buy you anything you want. You don’t even have to ask for it. If he so much as hears you mention wanting something then he will make sure you have it.
It gets to the point where he just gives you his card. It’s early morning and you’re standing in the kitchen as he scrambles to get ready to go to the studio. He’s about to run out the door, but he stops to grab his wallet, pulling out his card.
“Why don’t you go and buy something nice to wear for me, yeah?” He placed the card on the countertop next to your morning cup of coffee before giving you a kiss on the cheek. He’s out the door before you can even try to protest.
You don’t go too overboard with his card. You buy a dress, heels, and a black lace lingerie set, that you knew he would die seeing you in. He is home much earlier than you expected that night. “You’re home early,” you say, hopping off the couch to greet him with a kiss.
“Made sure to end practice early. Wanted to see you sooner.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Mhmmm been dying to get home to you." He says as his hands glide along your curves. "Why don’t you show me what you bought?”
Eddie sits in front of you on the foot of the bed as you model your new dress and new heels. “It’s been awhile since I’ve bought a dress. Do you like this one? I couldn’t decide between this one and the red one I found.”
“You used daddy’s card, right?” Heat rushes to your cheeks as the nickname falls from his lips without a care.
“I-I..Yes. I did.”
“Then you should’ve bought them both, baby. I wouldn’t have minded. It’s my job to spoil you.”
“I’ll get it next time, then. Do you like this one, though?” You ask giving him a little spin.
“Of course, baby. You look gorgeous. Always so pretty for me. Did you get anything else?”
"I did get one more thing" You say teasingly as you slowly slip the dress off to reveal the lingerie set underneath. “I got this just for you, daddy.”
He groans at your words. “Such a good girl for me, aren’t you princess? Lay down on the bed for me, let me reward my good girl.”
Another idea I think Eddie would be obsessed with after being able to spoil you is paying for you to get your nails done.
Eddie loves your nails so fucking much. The way they feel in his hair, or scratching down his back, the way they look against his, the way they look wrapped around his cock....
When it’s time to get a new set you make sure to go to Eddie for his opinion.
“What color should I get for my nails next, Ed?” You watch him think for a second.
“How about blood red? That’ll look really pretty.”
That’s exactly the shade you pick at the nail salon. Before you head home, though, you make a quick stop at Ulta to pick out a matching lipstick shade. You apply the lipstick in the car right before walking into the house so Eddie will see it right as you walk through the door.
“I got my nails done, made sure to do the color you suggested,” you hold out your hands in front of you to show off your nails. It took him a second, but he finally took his eyes off of your lips and looked at your hands, and when he notices his eyes widen slightly. “I liked the color so much I went out and got a matching lipstick. Don’t worry, I used your card for it, too daddy.”
Eddie takes your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to give your hand a kiss. “Good girl.”
It’s not long before you find yourself kneeling down in front of Eddie on the couch, feeling the rug beneath your knees. His gaze is focused on your hand as you pump his cock. Eddie's head falls back in a groan as you kiss the tip, leaving behind a smudge of lipstick.
Eddie's head doesn’t stay tipped back for long, he lifts his head just in time you watch you sink your mouth down on his cock. “Shit baby,” he groans as he watches in awe, his mouth agape as your maroon-red lips move along his cock. You take him all the way down to the base, gagging slightly as his cock hits the back of your throat.
His hand is in the back of your hair, pulling you off his cock. “You alright sweetheart?”
A string of spit is still on your lips as you blink up at him. The lipstick you have on is smeared all over your mouth. The rest of your lipstick had transferred onto the base of his cock. You nod pathetically "want you to come in my mouth, want you in my throat daddy please.”
Eddie's hand in your hair shoving you right back down onto his cock. Both of his hands collect your hair into a ponytail as he begins to fuck your throat. The size of his cock has you gagging around him. The squeeze of your throat around his length makes sinful moans leave his mouth.
“Such a good girl for your daddy--fuck doll. Taking daddy’s cock so well down your throat. Gonna make me cum. Fuck you want that don't you doll? Want me to cum down your throat?”
You let out a moan in response and Eddie is done for, spilling down your throat with broken moans. He pulls you up off of your knees and pulls you into a kiss.
Let’s just say…he's always eager to spoil his baby...in anyway he can
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sallymew4 · 2 days
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do yall think like
sorry got a yoohoo
anyways do yall think teru like went to the barber. or got his hair cut by a professional . cuz i can totally see him doing that and (pre-mob era) just showing the stylist something new n trendy so his friends r like ah teru youve done it again you cunty bitch .but also
what if he just does it himself
ten year old teru in the bathroom with his ipad on the sink, playing a “coolest boy haircuts and how to get them” youtube video while he haphazardly snips away at his locks with a regular old pair of scissors. because it just started to get too long and he couldnt stand it anymore.
i mean yeah he could just go to a salon or something but imagine being a worker at one of those places and seeing a young child waltz in, hand over like a debit card or whatever and be like your finest haircut please. youd be weirded the fuck out like wheres yo mommy lil thang ???? would anyone have even done it without asking for a guardian first ????? maybe by a certain age its be less concerning but he would definitely get some looks for a while
anyways thats really it . i was just thinking about teru.. . ….i wish that Boy the best
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coquette-club · 2 days
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How to Emulate Janie Crawford
perfume
janie is known for being independent, romantic, strong and romantic. to match you need something as earthy and intimate as her. tantrum by boy smells is a sharp, green almost grassy scent that initially provokes strong reactions before it settles into something playful and almost herbal much like janie herself. i wouldn't call it seductive at all but you would be drawn to know more
makeup
keep it natural, almost bare. janie has little time for makeup but since its the 21st century and you likely are not going through what she went through you can add some light touches. go for tonal blush that matches your skin tone and keep the brows natural and fluffy. stick to soft brown liners and mascaras and for lips go for a lightly tinted lip balm.
clothes
we see janie go through many phases, but perhaps her most iconic is her long white dress she wears in the beginning. look for white dresses that are long and billowy with subtle details like ruffles. if you want to go for a top + skirt combo then i suggest looking for a tunic or vest tank top and a gently pleated maxi skirt. for shoe's she is mostly barefoot but you can wear flats or sandals for the same effect.
hair
janie's most defining trait is her long dark hair that she does very little to. you don't need to have super long hair like her, but you can channel her effortless beauty by keeping it untamed and lightly brushed to avoid tangles. she also has gentle bangs framing her face so if you want to go for that i suggest getting a consulation at the salon to see if that works for you. if you're a black girl then boho braids/butterfly locs/soft locs can easily emulate this style.
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majimassqueaktoy · 11 months
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the other rgg boys are hairless because rgg didnt bother to model them with body hair but spiritually we know they should be hairier- Majima however is hairless because he goes to a salon and gets a full body wax every friday afternoon at 3pm on the dot.
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Very generic “”gothy” character in a children’s cartoon” type look just out of curiosity, seeing if I had enough stuff to put together a full outfit from a box of old clothes lol. I didn’t have an actual main shirt though, so it’s just a plain tank top with cat shape cut out of paper and safety pinned onto the front 
#Though not calling anyone generic if this is your style or something. I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean like.. all of the steretypic#al elements are there. The choker thing. the 'fishnet shirt under a tank top' . the 'carefully placed slightly askew studded belt' etc.#the skirt + some form of patterned specially striped tights + platform boots combo. etc. Like from a character design standpoint#These are the elements usually present in a show when they want to portray 'this caracter is slightly edgy and alternative'#just missing like.. hair with straight across bangs in pigtails that's black with a few colored streaks in it. OR just like shoulder length#shaggy hair that's also streaky and has a sidebang. and like.. one lip piercing or something ghhjbjh.. dark eyeliner#black nailpolish. I'm not painting my nails just for one uoutfit though. I actually used to wear nailpolish more but I just hate the smell#so much now. I can't see how I ever was able to bear it. I think maybe because usually I had some bigger spaces with ventalation. I guess#I could paint them outside maybe. Still#It's still hard to beleive some poeple will like. full on#get their nails done on a constant basis. get hair done. etc.etc. Not even just becuase of the money but like. the sensory experience seems#ovwerhelming. I only have been to a hair salon like twice in my life and both times I HATED  a person touching me. and having to like lay my#head back and get it rinsed. etc. I went to a nail slon literally once because someone else wanted to go and I happened to be with them#and the smell was bad to me and also I did not like them touching me even if it was just my hands. Also I've never had fake nails#and didn't want them so when I went in I just got them plainly painted a plain color with nothing special andit's just like.. I could have#done that myself for free lol.. I get going to a place with special tools and equipment if you want something complicated but like..#why pay to have your plain nails plainly painted in a plain way#Hair thing if more bothersome though like. Maybe strangers can touch my hands i guess but like. letting someone near my head and face.#automatic bad reflex. Like an animal protecting it's belly or something. I think amplified by the fact that not only is a stranger touching#you but also there's like. so much. stuff. wet feeling on hair and then the feeling of hands and then so many smells and then other poeple#being there too. etc. etc. Though since my hair is so long now I have been curious every once in a while to like.. go into a place and get#an estimate. Not to go through with it actually but just like. hey if I theoretically wanted  you to bleach my very dark extremely thick hai#r that is all the way to my fingertips. and make it like white.how much would that cost and how long would it take. I feel like it would tak#e froever and be very expensive since it'd probably use up a lot of product. I barely even keep up with coloring my own hair at home anymore#because it's always such a process. Instead of one thing of dye I need literally like 4 lol. etc.#Or maybe it'd be cheaper because they'd have bulk items instead of buying single package. But still. the man hours probably. cost of labor.#ANYWAY khjk... Another fun look just to be silly. Not really my style but it's all just playing dress up
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danothan · 2 years
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i wanna do succession handcanons (bc ofc i do) but i also realized that i have never and will never get anywhere close to wealth to even guess the way rich ppl dress or keep up their appearances. would they all regularly get manicures
#succ#danbles#i would love to make this one a bit more collaborative since i feel like i dont understand succession as well as my usual hypfixes#too serious + i dont have a wealth consultant + im not at s3 yet#but i wouldve def made tom the most likely to get a manicure out of everyone#idk i dunno how rich ppl work so feel free to chime in#but he makes me think of those guys that come into a salon and dont know what to expect#so when i ask them if they want their nails polished they always think im joking (it’s not 2007 anymore guys 😭)#and then i explain we have clear polish if they’re apprehensive abt colors#and that always gets their attention bc theyre like hmmm… that Would be shiny#and im like hell yeah youre already here might as well treat yourself!#anyway i think thats what tom’s first salon experience was like and now he always goes clear polish#sorry this turned into like a tom self-insert concept is it so bad to wanna hold his hand 😒#as for greg… i can see them going to a salon together (forced by tom) and tom giving him this exact rundown ive just given you#and greg would ofc laugh in that uncomfortable way that he does bc he thinks tom is making a jab at his masculinity#and yk he’s younger and more Hip with the kids but he doesn’t know tom’s intentions by asking#which tbf are muddied as hell#bc yes it’s a jab but also grow up man it’s 2022 guys get their nails done all the time#it’d be in that way where tom does say AND mean it as a jest but get fully offended when greg interprets it as such#so i guess what im saying is that up-to-date greg might also have clear polish??#but not like tom’s bc greg’s is already chipping due to his fidgeting + forgetting they were even polished#im gonna go out on a limb and say kendall roman and maybe connor dont care#they prob get manis (unlike tom they wouldnt go to a salon they’d have their own personal nail techs) but not polish#bc you can also keep your nails shiny without polish by buffing them#ohhh my god but tom would still choose the polish. he would still choose. wait hold on i need a second#and greg would ask why he has to get them painted like can’t he just get them buffed instead#like theyre always chipping and it ends up just looking worse#and tom is like wth man i thought we were in this together. not my fault you can’t take care of your hands.#jfc that was a lot of tags ​i hope you guys enjoyed getting a glimpse of my handcanon-making process
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youremyonlyhope · 2 years
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Trichotillomania is weird.
Because just now I was reading a bit in the trich subreddit, and as I scrolled with my right hand I could literally feel my left hand want to pull hair. So I was like “No. Don’t.” and the feeling stopped. Then I put my attention back into reading whatever post I was on and the urge was instantly back the moment I stopped focusing on not pulling. I actually nearly pulled before I noticed and stopped.
I can’t tell yet if reading about other people’s experiences is helpful or not. On one hand it makes me want to pull, but on the other hand it makes me hyperaware of the urge to pull so I’m more likely to choose not to rather than absentmindedly do it. So I guess it’s neutrally good?
Anyway. I gotta go get box braids to see if this will help me fight the urge.
#trichotillomania#oh yeah i have trich#goes hand in hand with the anxiety and ocd#i thought i'd mentioned it before but i searched my blog and didn't see any posts so yay#i think a braiding place near me might be the way to go since their reviews look good and the location looks good too#since so many braiding places are holes in the wall that i'm sure do amazing work but i've never gotten my hair professionally braided#so i'd rather go somewhere that has an actual website and a large legit space#since i don't personally have the connections of 'my cousin works at this salon' or 'auntie works at that salon' or 'friend's sister braids'#since that's usually the reason you go to those hole in the wall places because you already know the braiders there.#i know that mini twists definitely help me fight the pulling urge but it takes me 2-4 days to do mini twists on my whole head myself#since i prefer having like 150+ twists in my head and i have to do my own parting and my arms get tired easily#having someone else do braids (or maybe mini twists) for me would be much easier and faster#also i've literally been pulling since i was like 16 or probably earlier but 16 was when i was like oh i pull my hair and acknowledged it#then 24 i think was when i was like 'ok this is a problem and not just a habit' because yay pandemic#making all my mental illnesses much more pronounced and the reason i started wearing mini twists more often#also i want to go so i can confirm that i don't have bald spots. that's my fear.#i should have known at age 20 when i was worried about a hairstylist finding bald spots that i had an issue. 24 was too late.#i can ask the braider if she notices any. but then again i think if i know i have any it will make me freak out... hmm...#anyway i'm posting this partially because i need to dye my hair with henna before i do anything to my hair#because my greys have like 2 inches of new growth. it's a miracle i don't pull my greys. i like them too much to pull them.#i'm actually sad when i see a grey in my hairbrush. i like that they're now all bright orange from the henna#i actually want MORE greys so i can make them be orange highlights#so yeah gonna henna my hair tomorrow after my therapy appointment and then figure out when/where i will get my hair braided#and i'll get that done either next week or the following week
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brunetterightsactivist · 10 months
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trying to justify the idea of spending $100 a month i don't actually have to spare on getting my nails done :)
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suntoru · 1 year
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✧˖°. PRINCESS TREATMENT ONLY!
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summary: genshin men being huge simps and spoiling u every chance they get <3
feat. diluc ragnvindr, kaeya alberich, childe, kazuha kaedehara, scary mooch, xiao, thoma, ayatoe, al-haitham, kaveh
a/n: i swear i was working on the masterlist but the brainrot finally got to me hnghhhh
warnings: gn but feminine implications (ie. princess treatment, reader wears heels and makeup, passenger princess), simping for reader, maybe ooc? swearing, fluff, some are modern aus, maybe innuendos?
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─ ✰ DILUC is the gentleman we all deserve in our lives. if it’s raining outside, he’ll make sure to protect you from the wetness! he makes sure you’re fully bundled up in his coat, and that when he’s walking you home, the umbrella is fully covering you. oh, his shoulder’s getting wet? that’s fine, a little bit of water never hurt anyone. but if it happens to you? all hell breaks loose. what if you get sick from the rain? are you feeling alright? do you need medicine? a doctor? and if you’re in a modern au, he’ll definitely let you be the passenger princess 🥰 you can take naps, eat snacks, and pick all the songs! you don’t ever have to worry about giving him directions, you can just do whatever you want. he even installs led lights in his car so you can take asthetic pictures <3 if you’re tired, don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine alone, take your beauty sleep :) he drives you anywhere you want, no questions asked! you want to go to his mansion? you’ll be there in ten. grocery store? sure. nail salon? he’ll even accompany you to get your nails done just so you won’t be alone, pays for everything too!
─ ✰ KAEYA is absolutely whipped for you. to most people, he’s the town flirt, and a drunkard, but to you, he’s the most caring and softest person you’ve ever met, even if it’s hidden under layers of hurt. if you go out drinking with him, and come back drunk, he’ll carry you bridal style back home. pressing your body closer to his, he makes sure to prop your head so your neck won’t get sore. and if you wear makeup, he won’t put in the low effort to wipe your face with a makeup wipe, he’ll do your whole skincare routine for you! first, he uses makeup remover to take everything off, then, gently, he massages the cleanser into your skin and washes it off. he applies your creams and serums, making sure to be as tender as possible, even if you whine that all you want to do is go to sleep. he soothes you, whispering that all he needs is ten more minutes to brush your teeth and get you changed so you’ll feel clean in the morning. and for the hangover in the morning? he makes you special soup and showers you himself so you don’t even have to lift a finger.
─ ✰ CHILDE loves spoiling you whenever he gets the chance to. other people might think it’s just another sugar baby dynamic, but in truth, it’s far from it. it’s a selfless love, not just based on materialistic items. but even then, he’s willing to sacrifice his time and money for you. you’re his baby and his top priority always, no matter what. are you hungry? well, get ready, because he just booked a reservation at the highest star restaurant in town! you’re having a bad day? no problem, he’ll send one of the lower ranking fatui members to do the dirty work and he’s coming home early! he’ll bring home a large bouquet of flowers and a cute stuffie to match. you need new clothes? he’s driving you to all your favourite stores on his card <3 his wallet is practically bottomless, so don’t be afraid to spend what you want! a couple thousand mora is nothing to him if he can see your frowning pout turn into the pretty smile he loves so much. he even carries all your bags for you without asking! he can’t have his darling getting tired after all :(( just as long as after you give him a smooch on the lips and an hour of cuddles, the only payment he’ll accept (´∀`)♡
─ ✰ KAZUHA, even after years of being in a relationship, still finds ways to give you butterflies in your stomach. when you come back into your quiet home after a long night, too exhausted to take care of yourself, he leads you to a chair and sits you down. he ever so delicately unlaces your heels for you, taking his time doing so, but don’t worry! you won’t ever be bored. if the silence is too much, he’ll ask you how your day was, talk about his, and spill all the tea that happened on the crux. and if your feet are tender, he’ll massage them gently so they won’t be sore in the morning :(( he’s putting the utmost care and effort into whatever he’s doing for you, and that never fails to make your heart skip a beat. he still opens doors for you, dedicates hundreds, if not thousand of poems and haikus to you, and never fails to make you feel loved. he’d never forget an important date, even if you don’t mention it for months before! he always asks for your hand, and when you place it in his with a knowing smile, he gives you a fairytale-like kiss on the top, making sure to peck every little fingertip in the process.
─ ✰ SCARAMOUCHE never thought he’d bow down to anyone again in his lifetime. he’s trained every little bit of himself to be the most powerful, the strongest being he could so he’d never have to go through that humiliation. but yet here he is, tucking away his ego and pride, bending down on the ground for you. yes, he may grumble, telling you to hurry up, and that he doesn’t have all day, but the fact that he’s basically submitting to you speaks for itself. you taught him what love meant, healing, and promised that you’d never leave him, and for that, you have his eternal loyalty. as you climb on his back, he gently hooks your legs against his arms as he stabilizes both of you. the proximity of your face resting against his neck causes him to go up in flames, throwing his oversized hat on your head, telling you to hold on to it for him. but really he’s hoping the large structure obstructs his rosy cheeks. he does every little ‘embarrassing’ thing for you, from painting his nails barbie pink to being shrek for your matching halloween costumes. if his younger self were to look back at him, he simply wouldn’t believe it, but now, he wouldn’t even consider the possibility of even saying no to you.
─ ✰ XIAO never, ever, takes you adventuring with him, simply because he believes someone as precious as you shouldn’t risk getting hurt and scuffed up. so instead, he brings you little gifts that he sees while adventuring. a glaze lily, protective adepti charms, and almond tofu are all gifts that he’s brought to you before. he’s also much softer with you, never raising his voice and being cautious about his choice of words. if you ever get caught in a physical situation with him, automatically he moves to stand in front of you, one arm protectively circling your waist, pulling you closer to him. being xiao’s s/o, you also get special privileges. while he answers most who call his name, if you even utter his in a whisper, he’ll be there in a heartbeat, no matter if it’s an emergency or not. whether you called him to join your tea party, or if you are in the slightest bit of danger, he’ll be there. he also trusts you more than his logic, even if everyone else is against you. if you’re in a scuffle with other humans, he makes sure to hear both sides, but his heart already knows who’s right. whether there are 100 witnesses who all say you’re wrong, he’ll still believe you anyways.
─ ✰ THOMA is absolute malewife material, no questions asked. sometimes, if he’s not busy in the mornings, he’ll surprise you with breakfast in bed without a special occasion. he’ll peck your cheek and give you a soft ‘good morning’ as to not break the sleepy trance you’re in, carefully placing the tray onto the nearest nightstand. whenever he’s around, he does all your chores too, from washing the dishes, to dusting the house and sweeping the floors. you wom’t even have to lift a finger, he goes as far to make lunch too! since he’s not home by then, usually somewhere in the kamisato estate, he leaves handwritten sticky notes on each lunch box he gives you. he fills them with messages like, “the perfume you wore smells good today!” “your smile is blinding, my ray of sunshine” or “you’re gorgeous always, my lovely.” never once is a message repeated, he believes someone as special as you deserves to hear something unique each day. he even goes as far to make your food cute! he’s made panda shaped onigiri’s, cat-like dango’s… all because you asked him once, it’s become a tradition now.
─ ✰ AYATO never leaves you bored when he goes to one of his meetings. his maids set up a spa day, complete with a makeover and evening gown to go with it, but it’s just not the same without your husband :( thankfully, being the significant other of the head of the yashiro commission has its own perks. for instance, you can walk around like you own the place and join in on in his meetings, albeit later you might get punished by ayato for interrupting, but really, he doesn’t mind. seated on his lap, you play with his fingers and let out a quiet huff. why did you think this was a good idea again? what they’re talking about is so boring, you’re beginning to regret your desicion to join ayato, wishing to be soaking in the tub with a face mask again. thankfully, shortly after, he cuts the conference short, apologizing and telling them he has more pressing matters to attend to. you lead him straight home holding his hand, giddy that he’ll join another one of your salon days. he makes sure to pamper you, giving you a massage and washing your hair for you, praising you for being so patient, even if you were the reason the meeting ended early.
─ ✰ AL-HAITHAM, i headcanon, thinks he’s being subtle with putting up with your shenanigans, but he couldn’t be farther off. he might seem indifferent on the outside, but he cares much more than you might think. can’t sleep? just wake him up at 3am, he’ll wrap you in a blanket burrito and read to you until you fall asleep! just got your nails done? he’ll carry all of your books, what else would he need his giant man boobs muscles for? he revolves around you, as if you are the sun and he the earth. and god forbid if you’re ever mad at him, his whole life comes tumbling down. although if you can’t see it in his facial expression, all of his rationality goes flying out the window. he’s snappier than usual, getting annoyed at the littlest of inconveniences. even if you’re in the wrong, he’ll still apologize first, he just wants you to start talking to him again 😢 if you have conditions to making up, he follows them all to the tee. give you one kiss for every hour he’s made you upset? done. buy you the newest line of makeup or skincare? absolutely. cook dinner for the next two weeks? he already does that.
─ ✰ KAVEH is placed 1st on the list of simps. just pout your lips and whimper a “pretty please?”, he’s down bad. he lets you braid, curl, and play with his hair whenever you want, even if it was already styled in the beginning. he lets you steal all of his clothes, who cares if he’s worn the same thing five times in the past week? you look so adorable in his white shirt, he can’t complain. oh, and if you don’t like his style? he’ll let you pick out his clothes and style him yourself, he’ll stand there patiently for you like a mannequin <3 technically it’s not allowed, but he shows you all of his top secret projects and all the cool things he’s doing, you’re the only one allowed in his office! oh, what’s this? you want him to do your makeup? just give him a week, he’ll perfect cat eyeliner, lip liner and blending eyeshadow colors for you! after you’re done, he lets you do his makeup too, praising you for your talent. even if the blush is patchy, foundation cakey and lip gloss smudged, he still thanks you endlessly with unlimited cuddles and a new handbag matching his briefcase!
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theamazingannie · 1 year
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Years ago I dyed my hair red and everybody thought it was purple. Yesterday I dyed it purple and it looks red. How the turn tables
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weebsinstash · 2 months
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Sitting here watching that clip of Valentino with that demon girl going "you're gorgeous! Do you need a job? 🥰" and started thinking of Val either intentionally or unintentionally making Reader feel massively insecure and ugly and Val using that to manipulate them
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I've mentioned "oh what if your job is serving him drinks at his club" but what if he also starts dragging you along when he goes out like some kind of weird PA. Like he's just throwing random bills at you that he clearly isn't counting like it's pocket change in a very "yeah sure whatever just do it bitch" kind of way so you put up with it, it's good income, but it's still... WEIRD. He's going to get his antenna done at the salon, and you're like. Having to STAND THERE beside his chair, you're not even in the lobby waiting room, you've gotta be WITH HIM, and you just get all these windows into his cunty personality where he's spoiled and mean to service workers and is a total fucking diva and it's extremely off-putting I'm sure
He's in a night club hitting on people whose bodies are absolutely insane like I'm talking GYATT city, ass and titties, you've got twunks and you've got hunks, and you're like, in sneakers, off to the side, head down playing games on your phone since you can't even put earbuds in because you unfortunately have to keep an ear open since he'll order YOU to bring drinks, not just for him, but for these complete strangers who don't even work for him too, AND he'll let them be fucking mean to you. You bring some bubble butt twink who's on Val's arm the daiquiri he asked for and he gives you a very clear look up and down before laughing, cuddling up to Val, "yeah I can SEE you need new employees 😋" and they all laugh Including Fucking Valentino
I dunno, I'm on the fence. It really changes with the story. You get the yandere who are obsessive but more abusive-adjacent and then you have the more true-blooded kind that won't accept any slander of you at all. Like can you imagine Valentino's smile just dropping off his face because some chick like, tells you you have cellulite or even something MILD like your mascara is bad or idk what are, male insults.... you have a flat ass??? And Valentino just instantly shoves them away "okay you're done bye, let the door hit you on the way out 🤭"
But today we're talking about angst and feeling fucking miserable so. Over time it just, makes you feel so horrible about yourself to go to these nightclubs. It isn't even about fucking Valentino, it's about how you're sitting here watching everyone EXCEPT YOU receive all this fawning and compliments and attention, even if Val is faking some of it just to lure in more workers. You see a girl who has the perfect skin and you run fingers over an ice pick scar on your cheek, male reader sees a guy who's tall but muscular with nice facial hair and you feel your own baby face and smaller build, there are people thinner than you, curvier than you, stronger than you, smarter than you, and you watch all of them get called gorgeous and beautiful and handsome and sexy and you're just the fucking dweeb who gets teased, mocked, BULLIED
One night Valentino is sitting there talking to another girl, "oh my gosh, honey, I would TOTALLY do body shots off of you. Hey, can we get some shots over here? .... helllooooo, I SAID can we get some shots? ...bitch if you make me repeat myself again--" and he looks over and you're not even there. It's like ice. Suddenly without warning you're not there and he doesn't know what to do because you're ALWAYS there and whenever you're not it's because he LETS YOU leave??? Like??? He's immediately standing up even if it knocks away the people hanging off of him and he's looking around, "you BETTER be in the fucking bathroom--"
And over the crowd of people he sees you on the opposite end of the club, as if you were actively trying to put as much distance between you two as possible, and you're with a guy, some big furry monster boy, and you laugh with a big smile and Valentino GRINDS his teeth as he realizes it's been ages since you laughed around him, let alone at anything HE'S said, and you're actually drinking with this guy where you would always be way too stiff and cautious around Val (although he also really wouldn't let you drink anyways, being more of a waiter when you're 'on the clock')
Obsessed with the idea of Val making Reader carry around combs and brushes to comb his antenna/fur and Val sees you using them on another guy. like I think he'd go absolutely violently fucking crazy honestly because 1. Those are HIS and he is a bougie Gucci material man like those are high quality things being used on some RANDO 2. Those are for HIM, you're using them on someone ELSE 3. The person using them on someone else is YOU, YOU'RE brushing another man, YOU'RE cuddling another man like some kind of UNGRATEFUL WHORE--
When I say you suddenly look up and you're being GRABBED, HAULED UP to your feet by your arm, grip on you so tight it's ready to fucking bruise, and Val just shoots this guy in the head, like cartoonishly powerful gun just splatters the dudes head from what should have been just a single bullet hole I'm sure. You're like vaguely traumatized and trying to tell yourself the man will regenerate and be fine but now Valentino's got a gun in his hand and he's furious and you just start CRYING. He doesn't even CARE about the people he was flirting with anymore, if he has any employees in the club with him he doesn't even call out that it's time to go, he just starts DRAGGING YOU to the limo and will just LEAVE EVERYONE there because he's in such a rage, also, have you guys seen the posts where people point out there are moth squeaking effects when he speaks sometimes. So he's just fucking mad, voice cracking, shouting, squeaking, and i think it'd be funny if he spends like 15 minutes screaming about THE GUY while he has you like all but glued to his lap on the ride home and doesn't say a single thing about what you did. Just manic ranting on his phone as he HAS to call Vox, "oh my god you wouldn't FUCKING BELIEVE what this piece of shit did in front of me, the ugliest fucking guy I've ever seen was--" and you're like trembling wondering when he's going to pivot and realize like, you were also. Intentionally willingly sitting with that guy.
But he doesn't even like. Acknowledge it that way. He just keeps ranting about the guy touching something that doesn't belong to him, he's gotta replace all his fucking combs now, oh my GOD Vox like SERIOUSLY-- and then it's probably Vox that's like, with a disinterested voice, "sooooo.... WHICH whore did this happen to again???" And Valentino without hesitating just straight up says your name, "the nerdy one, you KNOW which one I'm talking about"
And that's when you just start to blubber cause you're tired and you're tipsy and you're mentally worn down, "oh OF COURSE I'm 'the nerdy one'!! You drag me all over the fucking place and I never get any time to myself and I have to WATCH everyone ELSE have fun, and when I finally find someone who calls ME cute, calls ME pretty, you fucking SHOOT HIM!" and you're just, face in your hands crying and you can't see it as Valentino GRINS like some fucking MONSTER because, "Aw, pobrecita, is that what this is about? You're lonely? ❤️w❤️"
And you're just mad and crying and pouting and you're telling him to go fuck himself and actually starting to get a little mouthy and have an attitude with him and he doesn't even care because how upset you're getting is going right to his head. even if you don't want to, you're jealous of him giving other people attention instead of you, and now he's watching you get all upset and sniffly over it and he's so full of himself, this makes him feel so powerful that he's reduced you to this insecure bawling state, and he's rubbing your shoulders, "awwww, don't cry mami, you should've told me you were wanting some 'attention'"
At this point you could be literally slapping his hands away but he's gonna keep pulling you close to him on purpose and NOW, now he's laying on all the fucking compliments, stroking the tops of your thighs. He knows exactly what scent you're using in your hair. Oh, you're wearing the nail polish you bought during one of your first months here; he's always liked this color on you. He's commenting and bringing up things you didn't expect him to notice let alone remember about you and... you're just so weak to it.... you're lonely... and he's here... and maybe it's the smoke or his cologne or what but he smells so good, he's so close, your head feels a little funny--
The rest of your night blurs together after that, but when you wake up, you're not at your place, or the studio, or anywhere you mildly recognize. You're in a bed way too big for someone your size, and you're especially not used to SOMEONE ELSE BEING IN IT WITH YOU. Val just has you caged in all of his arms and is passed out drooling in a post alcohol, post drug, post fuckathon coma, and you can FEEL in your muscles and in your body that you two were up to some wiiiiiild shit together.
IF you may manage to sneak out of V Tower without being stopped or caught, it won't make hin suddenly forget all the things you told him, or him now knowing how it feels to have your hands on his body, or how it looks to have your big sad wet eyes looking up at him and then sparkling with one of his compliments. Usually he WANTS bitches to be gone when he wakes up but, this time? When those eyes open and you're not there? Instantly feeling rejected, mad, irritated, he can't exactly identify why, he's just MAD you ran off without telling him and he's instantly blowing up your line to figure out where you are, and now you have become a recipient of The Voice-mails
"Heeeeeeey, baby, so, it's so funny but I just woke up and I can't find you in the tower? Did you run off to get breakfast somewhere? You KNOW you shouldn't run off without telling me first; I need you to come on back here ❤️"
"-- so answer your phone you fucking SLUT!! You better not be with another fucking guy, or I swear to fucking GOD--"
"--It just stresses me out that there are so many different kinds of people down here, I worry someone might hurt you, amorcito. I can't help protect you if I'm not there, soooooo, why don't you just, tell me where you are--"
"Is this fucking funny for you, you cunt?! You get all worked up about how PATHETIC AND SAD you are and then leave me? Leave ME? ME?! You're LUCKY i even TOUCHED YOU AT ALL--"
"Heeeeeeey, oh my gosh so this is so funny ummmm, Vox just let me know that Velvette borrowed you for something, soooooooooo, please don't listen to any of those other voicemails, ok? You know how CRAZY you make me, right? Don't forget you have a shift tonight, and if you even think about not showing up, I have some hellhounds that know your scent already and they'll drag you back here by your hair, sooooo, see you later love you byeeeeee ❤️"
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rafeandonlyrafe · 2 months
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good boy
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words: 1.5k
warnings: established relationship, marriage, protective!rafe, (guard??) dog, fluffy
“rafe, it's literally two weeks. ill be fine!” you say, folding his clothes, having dumped out his suitcase onto the bed to reorganize it when you saw how he packed it, just chucking things in.
“two weeks where im a hours away from you by plane.” rafe sighs, watching you carefully repack his suitcase as he pouts on the bed, not wanting to leave you.
“you know, cameron, i lived a whole 20 years before meeting you.” you point out, knowing while rafes concern comes from his love for you, it will completely overwhelm what is supposed to be an enjoyable family vacation and leave him miserable the whole time.
“i don't see why you can't just come with me.” rafe groans, flopping back against the bed. you smile and round the bed to where his head is resting against the pillows. you press a smooch to his forehead, rubbing your hand over his head, petting at his soft hair.
“baby, it's just for your family. you know that.” it's not like you don't want to accompany rafe to a tropical paradise, but you would feel way too awkward intruding.
“what if something happens to you? and im not here to protect you? id be the worst fiancee ever.” rafe grabs your head from rubbing his head, holding up the ring on your finger for him to admire.
“nothing will happen. nothing ever happens here.” you laugh. you're not sure what crime is like on the other side of the island, but your neighborhood is incredibly safe.
“im still worried.” rafe sighs. “you in that big house all alone.”
“im gonna spend 99% of the time wedding planning.” you hum, thinking about the tabs pulled open on your laptop of different venues, dresses, and color palettes.
that finally gets rafe to crack a smile. “can't wait to marry you.” rafe says earnestly. he only proposed a month ago, some people would say that you were too young to get married, but rafe knew when you came into his life and turned everything around for him that he had to put a ring on your finger.
“i can't wait either.” you bend down to press a kiss to rafes lips. “but seriously we need to talk about your packing before we tie the knot, why do you only have one pair of shorts packed for an island?”
-- two years later --
“remember those two weeks you left before we were engaged? it's not really much longer. you should go, baby. it's a good opportunity.” you are sat on rafes lap, back pressed against his chest as he scrolls through his email.
“it's just work, and it's a whole lot longer than two weeks. i don't want to leave you here alone for over a month.” rafe closes out of the email, making you sigh.
“i was fine for those two weeks, ill be fine now. promise. i think you should go! it's a big conference.” you turn sideways on his lap so you can look rafe in the eye. “besides, it's still six months away. plenty of time to prepare.”
“prepare?” rafe raises his eyebrows. “so you'd be good with security cams around the whole house and personal security?”
“cameras on the outside and hell no. you don't want some random guys watching after me do you?”
you can see the gears turning in rafes head as he frowns. “yeah, you're right. no men.”
“so you'll go?” you smile. rafe closes his eyes for a brief moment before nodding.
“yay!” you squeal. you're not excited to be left alone, and you love being around your husband more than anything, but the work trip is a big deal, and you know he'll be kicking himself if he misses out on such a good opportunity.
--
“rafey?” you call, eyes sweeping across the living room as you enter your shared home, a head full of fresh highlights.
“hubby?” you call out, continuing deeper into the house until you see movement through the glass door leading towards the backyard, but it's not the typical roll of the ocean against the shore.
“rafe?” you question as you open the door. you expected to find him in his office, where he was before you left for the beauty salon.
rafe smiles, waiting for your eyes to look down, and when you finally see what is sitting at rafes feet, you let out a gasp.
“oh my gosh!” you squeal. 
“wifey, meet max. our new australian shepherd.” rafe gives a command with his hand, that has max running towards you.
you sink to your knees as the young dog excitedly greets you, licking at your hands as you pet him.
“hi maxey.” you coo at the dog, you're guessing around two years old, with max being full size but still having some young features.
“rafe, you didn't tell me you were getting us a dog!” you stand up, max following close behind as you rush to give your husband a hug.
“i have a confession.” rafe says, his hands looped around your waist. you frown, worried that max was just a foster and you'd have to give him back, or that something went wrong with the adoption. you often talked about getting pets before getting married, but wanted to wait a little bit, and then time just slipped away and before you knew it, you were over a year into your marriage. 
“what?” you whine out.
“ive been working with a trainer behind your back. i wanted to make sure max was ready before we chose him for sure. he knows commands, me, your scent, our house. everything. he knows his primary responsibility is to protect you and our property.”
“oh my gosh!” you slap rafe in the chest, surprised that he was able to keep such a secret from you. “how could you do all that without telling me?” you laugh, not angry, but surprised that he was able to orchestrate everything.
you don't wait for rafe to explain how he was able to find so much time, stepping out of his hold to kneel down and continue petting max.
“we have some more training sessions so he can learn with you as well.” rafe further explains, also leaning down to pet max behind the ears as he pants excitedly at his new owners.
--
“what is it maxy?” you ask as he lifts his head up, looking around the living room. “you miss your daddy?”
you sigh as max lets out a sad sounding huff, petting your hand over his head, scratching at his neck which you know is his favorite. rafe has been gone on his business trip for a month now, with only a week and a half left until he returns home.
max suddenly jumps off the couch, eyes on the backyard. he lets out a bark, claws clicking on the hardwood floor as he moves to the glass door. he lets out another bark, making you stand.
“what is it boy?” you ask, looking out the window.
max lets out another bark, this one the familiar territorial bark that he’s practiced in his training with you and rafe. you know the only reason that rafe feels safe enough leaving you home is that max is a great guard dog.
you get closer to the window, squinting your eyes to try and see in the darkness when you sudden jump back with a scream as a squirrel runs across your patio, causing max to bark and run along the glass door until it scatters into the yard.
“holy shit, maxy, you scared the shit out of me.” you press your hand to your chest before kneeling down, scratching behind his ears. “it was just a squirrel.” you reassure him with a pat.
your heart rate is just starting to calm down from the fright when you hear the front door open. max instantly takes off with you following after him, letting out a sigh of relief when you see rafe standing in the foyer.
“baby.” he sighs happily, setting his suitcase down as you run into his arms, pressing your lips together. “i missed you so much.”
“i missed you too, what are you doing home though?” you ask, giving him another kiss before he can answer.
“they didn’t need me for the rest of the week, decided to get home to my lady.” max barks, making rafe lean down to pet him, still holding you up. “and my good boy too, of course.”
“so happy to have you home.” you nuzzle your nose into rafes neck, inhaling the familiar scent that you missed so much. 
“happy to be back with you, wifey.” rafe says, carrying you further into the house.
“oh, and you will be very happy to know maxy did a great job protecting me while you were gone.” you tell rafe. it mostly involved max barking in warning at any delivery guy or car turning around in your driveway, but his presence did help making you feel safer and less loney.
“hopefully not too good.” rafe huffs as he looks at your pet. “can’t have him replacing me now.”
you giggle, surprised rafe can manage to be jealous of your dog. “never.” you swear, pressing another kiss to his lips.
taglist: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @buckyswhxre @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @emma77645 @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk
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081314 · 11 days
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Twisted Wonderland - 2024 Player Birthday Login Greetings
The player birthday login greetings have just updated today on the JP server for the fourth anniversary, and I've translated them below.
These are sorted in order of dorm, and then alphabetically by character name.
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Heartslabyul
Ace Trappola
❤️: 'Sup, Yuu! Happy bday. 'Kay, time for the party. I'm gonna swing by this one restaurant in town and pick us up some grub, so you wait here and- Hey, hey, I'm not trying to trick you! I do know how to celebrate birthdays, thank you very much.
Cater Diamond
♦️: Happy bday, Yuu-chan ☆ Didja post anything bday related yet on Magicam today? No? No problem, just leave it to me! I'm basically a Magicam pro at this point. I'll take the perfect pic, come up with the perfect hash tag… Just think of it as, like, the Caycay bday special~
Deuce Spade
♠️: Happy birthday, Yuu! I'm going to go buy your present now, so- …Huh? You're saying since I fixed up that light for you in Ramshackle the other day, I don't need to get you anything? Come on, don't say that. You're my friend, so let me do this for you. It'd make me a lot more happier than if I didn't get you anything, to be honest.
Riddle Rosehearts
🌹: Happy birthday, Yuu. Thank you so much for always looking after my students. Truth is, we'll be holding a salon at Heartslabyul this weekend, and as part of my well wishes to you, I'm going to have you join us. Ah, my apologies. I can see you're quite nervous, but you needn't worry - I'll be right there with you, and will instruct you in etiquette every step of the way.
Trey Clover
🍀: Happy birthday. Now about your gift… I did get you something, but it's, erm… When I was talking with the other students about your gift, one person would say to get you this, and then another'd say, no, get that, and after a lot of hemming and hawing I chose… this t-shirt. I don't even know anymore why I picked out this design, honestly… Ugh, if you could just go ahead and start laughing now, I'd appreciate it.
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Savanaclaw
Jack Howl
🐺: Today's your birthday, right? You make any new goals for the year? What, you're gonna smoke me in class? Ha! That's the best joke I've heard in a while. But alright, I'll take you on. If you get a better grade than me on our next exam, I'll buy you something.
Leona Kingscholar
🦁: Yeah, yeah, happy birthday. …Why are you settin' up that chessboard? What, you've been takin' lessons just to beat me? An' lemme guess, now you're challengin' me to a match. You got guts - for a herbivore, at least. So whaddya gonna wager, then? Just "playin' to see who wins" ain't gonna cut it.
Ruggie Bucchi
🍩: Happy birthday! Yer dear ol' Ruggie Senpai whipped up just the perfect thing for ya. Ta-da! Yer very own fishin' pole! Handmade by yours truly. …Ooh, I know that look. I bet yer thinking', "ain't that just a piece a crap?" I'm tellin' ya, fish'll be linin' up to throw themselves at this bad boy soon as it hits the water! Listen, I know how much starvin' sucks, an' I can tell you know that, too. Next time yer stomach starts howlin' at ya, now you can just catch yerself somethin' to eat!
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Octavinelle
Azul Ashengrotto
🐙: I wish you a very happy birthday. Have you already decided what you'd like for a gift? I'd be glad to arrange-… My, what excellent taste! That would be quite the challenge for the average collector to acquire… but not for me, of course! I guarantee you'll have it in your hands before you even realize it.
Floyd Leech
🦈: Heya, Little Shrimpy. Today's your birthday, right? Here, I got something for ya. Let's see, we got some gummies that taste kinda funny, and some cookies…. they're hard as rocks, though. Oh, and some mushy jerky, too. Super cool, huh? Oh yeah, and all this stuff expires today, by the way. You better not let any of it go to waste, since it's a gift an' all. Kay?
Jade Leech
🐬: My warmest wishes to you on your birthday. May this be another fruitful year for you. By the way, Yuu-san, have you already had lunch today? You haven't? Excellent, for I was hoping to prepare something for you. Worry not, I can assure you I have only the utmost best of intentions in mind. Heh heh.
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Scarabia
Jamil Viper
🐍: Yuu, happy birthday. I know it's not much, but I got you this. Ramshackle's been around for so long I can't even begin to imagine how many insects have made it their home over the years. But if you use that product, you can wipe them all out in a blink of an eye. I can personally vouch for how well it works, so do go ahead and give it try. Sooner rather than later, please.
Kalim Al Asim
☀️: Yuu, happy birthday! Here's your gift… Ah ha ha! Were you surprised? I made you that pop-up card. There's these flowers we give to people on their birthdays back home in Scalding Sands, so I tried making a bunch of them with paper. Turned out pretty good, right? Nice and flashy.
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Pomefiore
Epel Felmier
🍎: Happy birthday! I thought long and hard about what to get you, and ended up going with a pair of fingerless gloves! The design on em's just great, don't you think? I thought they'd be a good choice since you can still use your phone and stuff without them getting in the way. They already look super cool, and once you break them in, then they'll really start to shine. Wear them as much as you can, okay?
Rook Hunt
🏹: I've been waiting for you, Trickster, so that I might give you my birthday well wishes. A wonderful day calls for making wonderful memories, and to that end, I've constructed the perfect itinerary for us. We'll start off with two theater performances, followed by a live poetry recital, and then we'll wrap things up with a movie this evening. There shan't be a dull moment today. Now come! The theater awaits!
Vil Schoenheit
👑: Happy birthday, Yuu. …Hm? You'd like me to come to your party? And you you even went and made sure there'll be healthy food options available for me? …Hah, that's quite thoughtful of you. Very well, then. I'll stop by. Just don't forget - you should consider it an honor to receive my well wishes.
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Ignihyde
Idia Shroud
💀: Okay, time to pretend we're all chummy with each other and spout the usual "HaPpY BiRtHdAy" garbage… Eep! D-did you hear all that? U-Umm… Happy birthday... Sorry, but I didn't get you anything. I didn't even know it was your bday, so… What, you're happy just 'cause I wished you happy birthday? Are you serious? *sigh* Okay, I'll order something online later and have it sent to Ramshackle. It's just gonna be something small, tho.
Ortho Shroud
🤖: Happy birthday! Here's your gift. Go ahead, open it! Heh heh, did you notice what's on it? I used my lasers to engrave "Happy Birthday!" and some other well wishes on that glass tumbler. It was difficult controlling the output when doing the finer details, but I think it came out pretty nice. I hope you like it!
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Diasomnia
Lilia Vanrouge
🦇: Ah, that's right. Today's your birthday, isn't it? Goodness, kids really do grow up so fast… Kufufu. Oh, don't be so sour. I was just doing my grandpa bit, the boys at the dorm never indulge me. Now then, here's your present: a CD I made just for you! It's jam-packed with my most heartfelt screamo performances, and I hope you enjoy every second of it.
Malleus Draconia
🐲: It's your birthday today, isn't it, Child of Man? …? What's the matter? Your face looks awfully stern… Ah, now I understand. You're having trouble carrying around all those presents. Here, allow me to send them to Ramshackle for you using my magic. You needn't worry, it's but a trivial spell for me. Now then, I hope you enjoy today to the fullest.
Sebek Zigvolt
⚡: Today is your birthday, if I do recall… What? You wish for me to attend your party? What a boorish joke. I've no time to take part in such a… What? THE YOUNG LORD SHALL BE ATTENDING!? YOU SHOULD'VE MENTIONED THAT TO BEGIN WITH! Good grief… You truly are an unpleasant little human, you know that? Now then, tell me at once where the party shall be held, and at what time!
Silver
⚔️: Happy birthday. Hm? You want to know what this cord is? It's actually your present. I heard about this from Lilia Senpai, but… apparently, they say that if you wrap some string around your wrist or ankle, and it breaks over time, then your wish will come true. I wove this for you, so that your wish can come true some day. I know it's pretty crude looking, but please go ahead and take it, if you'd like.
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Ramshackle
😺: Today's your birthday? Happy birthday! …Huh? Where's your present? Oh, come oooon. You're my number one henchman! Ain't that a present enough? Okay, fine. Your lap's always super hard when I sit on it, so I'll give ya a good ol' fashioned paw pad massage!
(Crowley and Rollo's messages remain unchanged)
1K notes · View notes
httpsserene · 4 months
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𝖍𝖙𝖙𝖕𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊’𝖘 1𝖐 𝖘𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖎𝖆𝖑 - 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝖑𝖎𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖘
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𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞: 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐞
summary: tainted, virgin!reader is growing tired of grinding against her boyfriends. she’s never touched herself before—no toys, no fingers, no fondling—the friction from a pillow used to be enough. but, maybe having something inside of her isn’t as terrifying as she believed. charles’ pretty pianist fingers don’t look too scary, and they way he raves about how talented max’s daunting thicker fingers are; well, she could be convinced to see what all the fuss is about. content warning: 18+ only. explicit. no penetrative sex. corruption kink. fingering. hand and finger kink. guided masturbation. praise kink. dom/sub undertones. dialogue heavy. max is a brat tamer. word count: 2.7k words pairing: charles leclerc / max verstappen x fem!black!reader soundtrack: pressure • ari lennox
preface: *laughs maniacally*
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prev 1k special join taglist feedback & requests table of contents next ↻
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max stated, “when you get your nails done today, don’t get a new set. keep them natural; you can get polish but keep them short and rounded with no sharp edges.”
you stared at max with a lukewarm expression. it’s seven in-the-fucking morning, and he’s woken you up from your extremely comfortable position tucked into charles’ chest to tell you that you’re getting your nails done and exactly how he wants them done. he must have lost his mind overnight.
“d’you think,” you croaked out, voice unused from sleep, “that getting my nails done will distract me from realizing that my thighs have healed from the friction burn?”
the dutchman opened his mouth to speak but you held up a hand to shush him, and continued scratchily, “‘cause it hasn’t worked. ‘n i don’t even have an appointment to get my nails done? ‘s not happening today.”
“i made one,” he responded with a self-satisfied smile, “it’s in an hour.”
“WHAT THE HELL, MAX?!” you exclaimed, fighting through the layers of blankets tangled around you to make your way out of bed to rush through getting yourself ready. charles, still asleep, snuffled unhappily at the commotion and rolled over facing away from the two of you.
max chuckled mutely as he watches you stumble off the bed towards to en-suite bath, “use my black card–i’m sure it’ll cover the late fee.”
slamming the bathroom door shut, your yell carries through the door, “I WAS GOING TO USE IT ANYWAYS!”
thanks to years of lounging in bed to the last possible second before you needed to get ready, you were exactly on time to your appointment. it’s a boujee “self-care salon” that you don’t usually go to but it’s pretty much impossible to mess up a soak-off and basic manicure. actually, max is paying so there’s really no harm in treating yourself. you go from a basic manicure to the most luxurious mani-pedi package they offer, there’s even a hand, arm, foot, and calf massage included. you leave a healthy tip too; it’s not like you can run up max verstappen’s black card, he won’t even notice.
by the time you get home, you’ve completely forgotten about being mad at max for terrorizing you with morning. but, you’re quickly reminded of why when he jumps you as soon as you walk in the front door, tugging you in by your hands as he examines your nails.
“sheesh,” you gasp, “can i close the door first?” 
charles, more awake but still disgruntled (he considers any-time before noon “too early to be awake), apparates from around the corner and walks to shut the door behind you. he wordlessy shimmies your keys and bag out of your hands, and presses a kiss to your cheek, “bonjour, mon coeur.”
“good morning, charlie,” you murmur sweetly, ignoring max’s general incompetence, “may i…” you shift awkwardly on your feet, “can i have a real kiss, please?”
the brunet’s discontented gaze turned to liquid gold warming your body with the amount of love that poured through just one glance. he leans in to kiss you but yelps, flinching away from you at a pinch on his arm from max.
the older man grunts, “bedroom first. then you can make out with each other to your hearts content.”
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your legs have turned to mush from deep kisses, so you’re thankful to be seated on top of charles’ lap on your vanity chair. the monegasque has one hand fisted in the curls at the nape of your neck, moving your head to just the angle he likes as he continues to explore past the seam of your lips. he doesn’t allow you to pull away for more than half a second to catch your breath, all of your hums, moans, and whimpers of delight are caught in his mouth. the lust fogs your brain as he nips and tugs at your bottom lip, the soft skin surrounding your lips raw already from his stubble. the weight of his large hand resting on the small of your back combined with the overwhelming sensations has you shifting your hips rocking back and forth on charles’ thigh, yet you haven’t consciously noticed you actions yet. you haven’t noticed how max has been calling your name to get your attention for a while now.
“liefje, come here,” max’s voice has a commanding edge to it, that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand to attention, “you’ve been patient like i’ve mentioned. so, i think it’s time you experience more than one of our thighs, hm?”
you squirm of charles’ lap, prying his hands off your waist when he tries to tighten his grasp, and eagerly make your way over to the foot of the bed where max is sitting–has he been watching the whole time? the monegasque huffs loudly to inform the two of you of how displeased he is at you discarding him quickly at the promise of something more. the younger man stands up and doesn’t manage to take more than one step in your direction before max halts him.
“and where do you think you’re going?” max asks condescendingly, he pulls you down to sit in between his legs, his chest to your back, so you can face charles, “only good boys get to participate. and if i can remember…two days ago, you decided to be a brat.”
the brat in question reddens, “yes! i was…being mean–but, you said that i don’t get to come, not that i don’t get to touch her?”
max shrugs dismissively, and he starts to undress you–pulling off your shirt to leave you in your bra, while he motions for you to tug off your jeans.
“mon chat–this is unfair,” charles whines, “let me touch her!”
“you want to touch her?” max asks, charles nods eagerly in response, “say you were a brat and apologize, and then maybe i’ll let you touch her.”
the brunet gapes at his boyfriend, stumbling over his words for a few seconds, before he turns to look at you, expecting you to help him out. you curl up, dropping your gaze to your lap and pulling max’s hand around you to play with it while he sorts out charles. the monegasque, too stubborn to do anything but disagree with max, clenches his jaw and fists, before he steps and back and sits in your vanity chair again. he crosses his arms across his chest, and turns his head up at max to emphasize his attitude.
“mmm,” the blonde’s chest rumbles behind you, he dips his head to press a kiss to your temple, “he’ll learn how to act once he realizes he won’t be able to finger your pussy, pretty girl.”
you and charles both jolt with matching gasps of surprise at the reveal of today’s sexual exploration. a meek whimper escapes you and max coos sweetly, “do you want to this, liefje?”
you nod shakily, ignoring the flush of heat to your cheeks and the way you press your thighs together a little tighter. 
“words, baby.”
“y-yes, maxy.”
“remember the rules: any time you feel uncomfortable, tell me and we can stop or take a break.”
“y-yeah,” you say airly, “ok.”
“good girl.”
max tilts your head to the side and lavishes kisses along your neck. your breath catches at the unexpected attention, you can only rest limply against max as he sucks marks into your skin. he nips teasingly at your pulse point and you tighten your grasp on his hand to prevent yourself from moaning embarrassingly loud. you let your head fall backwards to give max complete access to the length of your throat, and in the motion you make eye contact with charles. his green eyes are piercing–you can see the envy, yet you can’t tell if he wishes he was max in this moment, or if he wishes he was you.
the dutchman moves lower and focuses on bruising up your collarbone, tugging and biting at the thin skin and you’ve quickly lost your ability to regulate your volume. every exhale transforms into a moan and max’s free hand gets more exploratory as a result. his lips are wet and flushed red when he pulls himself away from the expanse of your newly bruised neck, playing absently with the strap of your bra and whispers next to your ear, “may i take this off, liefje?”
“yeah, yes, yes–take it off,” you rush out, turning shy at the sound of max’s amusement, “you can take it off, please?”
the use of manners quiets the man’s laughter easily; something about the way you use ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ unhesitantly in bed causes his brain to misfire. he rids you of the bra, tossing it at charles, who catches it and stares at max in disdain.
the older man smirks, and brings both of his hands to your chest to ghost the pads of his thumbs against your nipples. the barely there touch had your back arching, pushing your breasts more firmly into his grasp to seek more of the sensation. his chest rumbles behinds you and he steadfastly applies more pressure as he toys with the buds–your moans are more like sharp whines now, and whenever he throws in an occasional pinch you shriek, as your vision already blurs from this level of pleasure. you’ll cum before he gets his hand inside your panties.
you clumsy pull at his right hand, trying to tug it away from your breast to direct him further south, but max tuts disapprovingly and you cease your motions as soon as the sound registers.
“actually, liefje–you won’t need my hand for this part, only my voice.”
you tilt your head towards him to stare in confusion, and max brings his hand up to caress your cheek, “i’m going to teach you how to finger yourself, if that’s okay?”
you gulp, the pressure in your tummy only building, “more than okay.”
max nods, and presses a kiss on your jawline.
“be good for me and touch yourself over your panties, pretty girl.”
you squirm anxiously, but do as he ordered. you drag your hand down past your navel and in between your thighs, trying to keep them as closed as possible without having yourself spread out obscenely. max, obviously, doesn’t allow that to slide, and spreads your legs for you, draping them along the outside of his, his knees pressing outwards to prevent you from slamming your thighs shut. you whimper shamefully, but continue to drag two fingers along the seam of your cunt over your thin panties, the fabric beginning to darken as you start to leak.
“nice and slow until you start to get wet for me, yeah?”
“‘m already wet, maxy,” you murmur, biting your lip to suppress a whimper.
(“merde,” charles groans from across the room, throwing his head backwards.)
max brings his hand down to tug your panties to the side, exposing your cunt to the cooler air of the room, and moans at how your glistenting already, “shit–always so wet for me. keep dragging your fingers up and down, liefje.”
max’s hand continues to rest on your navel after he tucked your panties away, and you quickly bore of the slide of your fingers, huffing silently and nudging your nose against his jaw for the next direction, “once your fingers are nice and wet, you’re going to take just one–and gently press inside, yeah? you should be nice and relaxed, okay–if your pretty hole doesn’t open up easily just keep rubbing at yourself and then try again.”
you nod jerkily, and your first attempt at breaching your inner walls fails. you chickened out–after your felt yourself opening up, the pressure was odd. however, with max’s reassurance, you took another pass over your cunt and then tried again. and this time, your finger easily slid within in you–a shocked gasp pushed from your chest at the intrusion. 
“you’re okay,” max murmurs, rubbing at your side and navel calmly, “take your time, get used to the feeling, and when your ready you can start moving that finger, liefje.”
it’s odd–the feeling of something inside you. a little uncomfortable, but not painful like you thought it would be. the strange feeling passes quickly, especially when you draw your finger out and press deeper–it feels good? you think, it feels good at least. max watches the array of emotion pass over your face, and once he sees the previous apprehension dissipate, he instructs you to slide in another finger. the addition for another finger is easier for you this time, even though the pressure is multiplied–as if once you learned that this wouldn’t be painful you were a lot more receptive to the intrusion. 
and when your second finger pops in, the stretch feels good. you sigh breathily, and without further instruction, you begin to slowly thrust your fingers. max leans back and allows you to awkwardly fumble through your own motions, allowing you to figure out what brings you pleasure and what doesn’t. you mimic what you’ve heard girls talk about before, curling your fingers, scissoring them wide, pressing them upwards–and it feels fucking euphoric. your moans begin to ring through the room, and your hips buck dowards to meet your palm, pushing in your fingers deep.
“hm–you see why you needed your nails cut now, pretty girl,” max teases. his words go unheard by you, you’re more focused on trying to find the one spot everybody raves about–you want your vision to flash white, your toes to curl, your eyes to roll, your back to arch, your chest to heave–but you can’t find it. you whine in displeasure, kicking your foot out angrily, and begin to more vigorously thrust your fingers to no avail. 
“let me give you a hand, pretty.”
max gently removes your hand, a sob falling from your lips at the newfound emptiness, but quickly soothes you with the press of two of his fingers inside of you. you and max moan in unison–max at the feeling of  just how tight and dripping wet you are and you at the size of his fingers. max patiently waits for you to adjust, before he begins to absolutely ravage your pussy. his fingers are unforgiving; his rhythm is consistent, the pads of his fingers press firmly along your walls, and he finds your sweet spot after his second attempt of searching.
you shriek, legs trying and failing to slam shut at the overload of pleasure—max coos, ‘good girl’s’ and ‘so pretty’s’ falling from his lips freely. it’s a testament to how talented he is with is fingers that as soon as his thumb falls to press at the bud of your clit–you cum.
it surprises you, max, and charles (from across the room). it’s so overwhelming you cry–forget a toe-curling orgasm, you’e pretty sure you’ve just forgotten your name. your hips are frantically thrusting forward freely, and maxx continues to rub his hand over yout clit until you start bucking away from him in discomfort. you’ve soaked the bed, again. the dutchman tenderly pulls his fingers from the pulsing warmth of your cunt, and calls charles to the bed.
the younger man rushes forward, kneeling on the bed next to max. wordlessly, the blonde shoves his fingers covered in your essence into his mouth, smirking wide at how charles’ eyes widen, exposing his blown out pupils, before they drop to a half-lidded gaze as he thoroughly slurps max’s fingers clean.
when charles pulls away from max’s hand, panting heavily like he was the one who was just brought to a mind-blowing orgasm, max drops that same saliva-covered hand to grope at the bulge in charles’ pants.
the monegasque moans highly, hips thrusting forward to press deeper in to max’s hand–but he pulls it away cruelly.
“you better go take a cold shower charles, since you still can’t come for a while,” max orders nonchalantly, “you might want to put some music on while you’re in there. i would hate for you to get hard again when you hear me make her squirt.”
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© httpsserene 2023
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jonghoslvt · 1 month
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— 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍
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Why’d your Piercer have to be so hot?
Pairing: Piercer Mingi X Fem!Reader
Notes: Reader gets an eyebrow piercing, professional body piercer Mingi, use of good girl & sweetheart, hand kink, voice kink, quick fingering and face fucking.
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You sat in the lobby, nervously tapping your foot on the floor. You don’t know why but the waiting process for a piercing was always somewhat nerve wracking and you couldn’t describe why. No matter how many you’d gotten in the past, the feeling still never changed. This was a fairly new place, your friends were practically obsessed with coming here for tattoo’s or piercings and at this point you just had to see what the hype was all about.
“You can go see Mingi now.” You stood up and walked down the hall, finding that the door was already cracked open. Inside you see the Mingi guy cleaning up the space around him, preparing the moving table and salon bed. When you had the chance to fully look at him that alone told you everything you needed to know and why your friends were so obsessed with coming here. He was fine as all hell, black hair sitting just past his eyebrows, anti eyebrow piercing sitting just below his right eye, when you walked in you noticed that he was much taller than you, shoulders broad and covered by a black compressed t-shirt. He was fit, muscles flexing everytime he moved or picked something up, he’s definitely going to give you a hard time.
When he finally notices that he’s not alone he smiles a little “oh, welcome, take a seat I was just doing some cleaning.” His voice was low and rough, deep and practically lingered in your ears, could he get anymore attractive? Actually you probably shouldn’t say that or he might. You walk over and take a seat, watching him set the broom over in the Corner “So I know that you are here for a piercing, what did you want done sweetheart?” You could feel your stomach flip at the endearing name but tried to keep yourself calm “I wanted my eyebrow pierced, nothing crazy.” He chuckles before coming closer “mind if I clip your bangs out of the way?” “Oh, I’m sorry go for it.” Mingi walks over to his drawer and pulls out two cute Sanrio hair clips, he walks back and pins your hair out of the way to get a better look at your eyebrows.
He’s close, eyes scanning the upper part of your face, you oftentimes had to avoid making eye contact with him. “Ok so you definitely have the right face structure, you’ll pull this piercing off very nicely.” “Are you just being nice? Or actually honest.” He sets up his station “I’m being honest, I wouldn’t lie, I take this very seriously. I sort of have to.” He washes his hands, throws on a new pair of glove’s and starts sterilizing the jewelry and needle. “You nervous?” You shake your head “I’ve always had a good pain tolerance.” You can see hints of a small grin on his face “good.” it makes you wonder just what the hell is he thinking about. He grabs a skin marker and returns, once again very close, this time you couldn’t stop yourself from looking and watching the way his body flexed underneath his compression shirt, god he could manhandle the hell out of you and there’d be no complaints on your end. He marks where he thinks the placement would be best but you’re too distracted to notice that he’s talking to you. It’s only when he moves back that you finally come back to reality, your cheeks visibly a pink tint, now was not the time to be fantasizing.
“I-I’m sorry, I got lost in thought for a moment, what did you say?” “I asked if the placement works for you, here,” he hands you a hand mirror and you take it, checking to see if it’s good. You scan your face, imagining the finished product and well, yes it did work, he marked it just right. You give him back the mirror and nod “I think it’s the perfect placement, of course you know better than me.” “While that’s true I still wanted to be sure, now..” his voice trails off for a moment as he grabs the needle and rolls the cart over next to you. “You’re gonna feel some pressure but of course that’s normal, id recommend that you relax your body and just take a deep breath.” Although he told you to remain relaxed your body just wouldn’t comply, and he noticed that you were way too tense, legs pressed tightly together as you nervously held on the ends of your skirt, you did say he’d give you a hard time.
“Are you nervous about the pain?” You shook your head “I said before that I have a pretty good pain tolerance.” “I remember, it’s just that you’re being very fidgety and you seem tense.” Then it’s as if the light upstairs started working because he then pieces together a reason for that “is it me?” He’s smiling as if he finds it cute that he’s making you so nervous, like he’s entertained but you don’t smile back, you don’t even respond because you have no way to explain but the silence only confirms it. You jump a little when he places a hand on your upper thigh, giving it a squeeze “you have no reason to be so nervous, I don’t bite.” Not that you’d mind if he did, and putting THAT aside he absolutely knew what he was doing by touching you. “Tell you what,” he parts your legs a little and doesn’t once break eye contact, and not once do you push his hand away. You could feel your heart racing and your hole grasping onto nothing as his hand inches closer “if you manage to relax and let me get this piercing done for you..” his hand moves back which makes your shoulders drop in slight disappointment “only then will I give you what you’ve been thinking of this entire time.”
“Do All of your clients get this sort of proposal?” Mingi smirks and god does it drive you crazy “only the dangerously cute ones and so far that’s only been you.” You could tell he was being truthful and that made you feel incredibly special. “Now, breathe in.” You do as your told, your body instantly becoming relaxed, you’re not letting this opportunity slip from your grasp. The pinch and pressure of the needle slipping through your skin is quick and passes by like a breeze, so is the feeling of the jewelry being put in place. He screws on the ball and it’s done just like that but not before the area is cleaned up a little. “Good girl, you did so well.” He slips off his gloves and tosses them in the garbage “Can I give you that reward now?” You nod “I need to hear a Yes, baby.” You say yes but couldn’t make eye contact with him while doing so. Slowly Mingi removes your panties, biting his lip upon seeing how wet they were, he tosses them on his desk and parts your legs more, his finger sliding through your wet folds “I’m glad you came here for your piercing,” you moan as he messes with your clit, his other hand squeezing your plush thighs “don’t know how I’d feel if some other guy was making you wet like this.” His finger slides down to your hole and he prods at it before sliding one in knuckle deep, you arch your back, trying to remain quiet as anyone could hear “how can you say that when you didn’t know me until today.”
“I don’t know, I’m just saying what’s on my mind.” His finger which was thrusting into you slowly had now quickened as he hummed, dick hardening at the sound of your soft moans and the feeling of your walls tightening, he’d give you much more than just fingers if he had more time but he had 10 more minutes until another client was supposed to come in and he didn’t once think to lock the door, it would just ruin the fun after all. “More,” you breathed out, not feeling full enough and mingi happily complies, shoving two more fingers into you, brushing them over your sweet spot repeatedly, Your mouth salivated as he twisted his fingers inside and stretched you out, his free hand rubbing at your sensitive bud. With your mind almost blank you managed to mutter something along the lines of wanting to please him too, to which he just chuckles “mm and how would you do that?” Stopping his hand and pushing it away you pushed yourself up more so that your head was dangling off the salon bed, Mingi catches your drift and helps with adjusting the top so that the bed is almost flat but has some elevation. “The fact that you managed to think of this before me..that’s just hot.” He unbuttons his pants and pulls them down along with his underwear, his cock springing free, he was thick and a little curved, his tip leaking precum, it made your pussy tremble. You both wanted this to go further it was obvious, but it couldn’t happen here, least not today.
You desperately open your mouth and mingi mutters out a “fuck,” as he slides himself into your mouth until his cock had no where else to go. There’s tears running down the sides of your face as he begins to move, shoving his fingers back inside you. His mouth his slightly agape as he moans too, his teeth often clenching when the feeling got to be too good. The Deepness of his voice only seemed to drive you closer to your orgasm, and he had no problem encouraging you to let go. “Go on baby, I know you wanna cum, I won’t stop you,” “you’re sucking my cock like it’s the last time you’ll ever see me darling, fuck that feels good.” You didn’t think the feeling of him using your throat like this would feel good but it did and you just know that you’ll be thinking of this day for awhile, this definitely can’t be the last Time you’ll ever come here and you just know Mingi is thinking the very same thing. “Shit that’s right, use your tongue more.” You sucked him harder, your tongue sliding over his length, when your orgasm came closer you couldn’t help but kick your feet a little, it was always overwhelming when you were feeling too much pleasure and this was a way to express it, and it didn’t take long for you to come all over his fingers, your body practically pulsating the heat rushing down your legs as they shook. Mingi slowly removes his fingers and licks them clean, his hands now resting on either sides of your face so that he could better thrust into your mouth.
Hearing him grunt only made you wet all over again but you focused on making him feel good. “Shit, I’m gonna come, do you… want me to pull out?” As an answer you just held his hands down so that he couldn’t move and you then feel a warm sensation traveling down your throat, Mingi pulls out and you finally take a breather. When the two of you have calmed down he checks his watch and quickly pulls his pants up “I’m sorry I..I have a client coming in soon.” Understanding the situation you get up quickly and grab your underwear to put it back on, realizing that you also forgot to pay for the piercing. “Oh before I go, how much was the piercing? I complexly almost forgot.” Mingi shakes his head “for you, don’t worry about it.” “What? No I can’t just not pay.” But he still refuses to take your money “keep it, all I ask is that you come back for another piercing.” He says hoping that you would understand the joke, to which you do.
When you walk out of the room you can see the guy at the front desk holding back a smile, he definitely knows what went down in there.
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I love all of these goofy product photos where the water bottle is extremely obviously just photoshopped onto a stock image of someone pretending to hold something or whatever.. very convincing..
#the last one where the water bottle is like nearly the size of the woman's entire leg ghbjbjhh#ALSO I know.. gross.. nasty.. amazon.. I was only looking there because I was trying to find an exact replica of an old water bottle#I bought like 6 years ago in a store and I just wanted another one of those and it seemed like the only place the old manufacturer#still sold was through amazon but.. alas.. I think they just don't make them anymore. so I have abandoned my hunt#I didn't actually buy anything. but I did get distracted clicking through product images for a few of them#it's bizarre how like............... idk.. WHY is this done??? Isn't this offputting to basically ANY potential customer?? or do people#not look at every photo/read the entire page/all product information before buying??#all of these are from like front page ''top sellers'' or whatever like........... how does this not hurt the brand????#If the company can't even bother to take a single photo of a real life person using their real life product then... that to me#is kind of red flaggy..?? even if you're an indie start up small business with hardly any funds.. still#A real photo of the product you are selling in a real actual non-photo shopped environment does not seem that inacessible#Maybe it's because everyone does everything on phones now?? So it's harder to see the pictures when they're smaller?#Kind of the same thing with ai art and also hair color photoshops lol.. On my full comptuer screen it is SOOO easy to spot ai art#like IMMEDIATELy from the little tells and ways certain details morph into each other etc. I dont even mean obvious dalle mini stuff but#like the Fancy High Quality Photorealistic AI art is still pretty blatant 98% of the time if you know what to look for. But I still catch#people sharing it a lot like 'omg where can I buy this pair of shoes!! :O <3' .. erm you cannot.. that is the most balatantly fake looking#pair of shoes I have seen in my life hhjbj.. the heels are both different heights. there's a different number of straps on each one. etc.#AND that phase back before colored hair was Mainstream and people would post photos like 'omg going to bring this to the salon!! dream hair#and it's like.. you can LITERALLY see the parts where it's 'colored outside of the lines' and is so clearly just a person with blond hair#that someone drew over with a tint brush or something not even very neatly. etc. etc. ANYWAY.. Maybe with phones it's harder to tell these#things?? To me so much of it is instantly recognizable and it's suprising to me that people either don't notice or don't care and will#interact with it anyway by buying the product or acting like some ai art fake furniture is real or etc. etc. ..hewwoo#Aslo sidenote - I think I've become soo cynical and tired of constantly being advertised to that I literally cannot shop without getting#exhausted. I do not see how marketing is anything but obnoxious and transparent. Every item description having stuff like ''Our company is#commited to bringing you the highest quality water products! we set out with a mission to bring high quality products to people all over#the world and we believe in spreading health and happiness and'' just like SHUT THE HELL UP!! youre a fucking company#you don't ''beleive'' in anything you are here to sell a product. stop trying to talk like you're my bff who cares deeply about my health#or something just tell me the materials and product specifications of your stupid fucking water bottle and move on. Idont need to hear your#whole bullshit spiel about what ~your company stands for~ that is SO much MORE offputting. you make me want to buy the item LESS..#longing for the type of ads from my 1800s magazines that are just like 'this product is good. please buy it. okay thank you much. bye'
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