𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄
CHAPTER 2
Chapter warnings: misunderstandings, shouting, angst angst angst, alchohol consumption, awards show after party, mistakes were made
THE REACTION
Min Yoongi liked to think that he was a reasonable man. He was calm and collected regardless of circumstance, stoic even. There were many talents Yoongi could boast about. So many achievements that it would take him days to list them all. But the one he held closest to his heart was that he never raises his voice.
Yoongi never shouts. Not when people are yelling at him, not when he’s under comeback pressure, not when he forgot the password to his studio. No matter how frustrated or angry he is, he always dealt with it in a calculated, rational way.
So when cool, calm and collected Min Yoongi screamed “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” at the top of his lungs to Jimin of all people, the room had gone so silent that they could hear each other’s hearts beat and Jimin’s stutter.
They were backstage, with ears still in and performance outfits still on. They had noticed that Jimin’s energy was off on stage, ever since he came back from looking for you. But they couldn’t put their finger on why. It had taken both Namjoon and Jin calling you without an answer, pacing the room in worry before he had finally said something.
And Yoongi snapped.
Cool, calm, “Never react irrationally” Yoongi stormed out of the room. Silent, gentle Yoongi had slammed the door behind him.
***
You’ve never been to an Award show after-party. There was no reason to since your longest relationship with an idol was secret and none of the boys felt the need to go buddy up with people who didn’t wish them well.
Jimin particularly hated after-parties. He’s always said that they were just a place to score threesomes and catch someone doing something stupid on camera to use against them later. You looked to your left and there were two idols you were sure were from seventeen making out against the wall, oblivious to the camera pointed at them. You couldn't help but wonder if Jimin had been right.
You felt a tap on your hand, snapping you from your thoughts.
“Y/N-ah, i'm going to get drinks, would you like something?”
“Yeah,” you responded without hesitation “something really, really strong”
Jeongyeon opened her mouth to protest, but even in the dimly lit room, she could see your eyes glaze over. You hadn’t explained to her why you hid in their dressing room for the entirety of the show or why you were crying when she found you there, and Jeongyeon, the gem that she was didn't ask.
She couldn't say anything to make you feel better, so if it was alcohol you needed, she’d get you the best fucking liquor they had.
*************
Taehyung can't remember a time when he was disappointed in Jimin. Angry at him in the heat of the moment? Yes. Irked by something he had said or done? Absolutely. But disappointed? Never. His sweet, perfect Jimin could never do anything wrong, he could never disappoint him. At least not until now.
It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. It hung uncomfortably in his chest, weighing his heart down so much that he found it difficult to breathe. His brain couldn't process it, this feeling that was telling him to be as far away from Jimin as possible. It pulled at the metaphorical red string that connected their souls. It stretched it thin, so taught that Taehyung felt like if he looked at Jimin for a second too long, it would snap.
Hoseok had long gone in search of Yoongi, a brave feat really. No one knew how to handle a Yoongi outburst, because Yoongi typically..didn’t burst. It was so unexpected and new that no one had any idea how to proceed. Everyone had just stared dumbly at the door he had slammed behind him until Hoseok took a deep breath, cracked his neck and made his way to it.
A broken, soft “Hyung” escaped Jimin’s lips when Hoseok reached for the knob, but if he had heard Jimin, he pretended that he didn’t because he left and shut the door firmly behind him.
Namjoon, Jin and Jungkook entered the room a bit after Hoseok had left. They came alone, which could only mean one thing. You weren't here.
Namjoon paced the room, jaw clenched, one hand in his pocket and the other tapping furiously at his screen. Jin had his phone at his ear, demanding to know why you were allowed to leave the premises without your security detail. Jungkook walked to the other side of the room, arms crossed and glaring at the floor.
None of them looked at Jimin. Taehyung wondered if it was because their chests felt tight too.
The disappointment weighed in ridiculously heavy yes, And yet, seeing Jimin so distraught had been enough to break him. Enough for him to push that feeling aside, even for just a moment. Even if it was just for as long as it took for Jimin to stop sobbing so violently into his chest.
***
Mnet had poor taste in content and idols alike, but they had superb taste in alcohol. You had no idea what you had drunk. All you knew was that it was pink, sweet and making you feel good as fuck.
Suddenly you don't care how packed the room is or how you could quite literally embarrass yourself in front of the biggest names in the industry. The most relevant ones weren't there anyways.
You were in a small crowd of Jeongyeon’s members, you and the 8 of them having your own little party. They had always been so fun to hang around and since there were no bad feelings between any of you, you blended in with them just as well as you used to. Even through the buzz of alcohol, the nostalgia hit you. You decided to embrace it
“Y/N ah here!” said chaeyoung excitedly, offering you one of the small glasses she had in her hands.
“What’s this?” you asked
“This is the good stuff!” she yelled over the music. And that was all you needed to hear. You downed the shot, bunched your dress up and let the music carry you.
It had been such a long time since you were so deliciously out of it. You have no idea what song was playing, but you do know that it was a great song to throw it back to, an ass-shaker if you had ever heard one. So that's exactly what you did; and Momo, bless her heart, was all too happy to catch it.
Jeongyeon was leaning against a wall so she could keep a close eye on you without hovering or ruining your fun. She was the one that brought you here and though she knew it was a bit unlikely that someone would try to hurt you in such an open space, she kept an eye out. Just in case. It was the least she could do.
Your eyes met hers for a moment and you staggered over to her, eyebrows furrowed
“Unnieee,” you had whined, pressing your body up against Jeongyeon’s. " why are you just standing aroounnddd?Let's dance.”
She looked down at you and gulped.
“I dont think thats the best idea Y/n-ah, you’re drunk.” she said gently.
“But I just wanna dance” you had pouted, looking up at her and fuck she could never say no to you.
You honestly don't know how you had gotten this far or how you had progressed from dancing in the small sea of bodies to sitting on one of the sofas.
You definitely don't remember how you ended up straddling Jeongyeon on top of it.
Your legs were on either side of her body, hands gripping her shoulders as you grinded on her lap. Your hips rolled slowly, matching the tempo of the slow, sensual song playing on the overhead speakers.
Jeongyeon’s hands had instinctively grabbed your waist, her hip jolting upwards to meet yours out of pure reflex. Her face was burning hot. You were both hot.
You from both the alcohol and the position that you were in and Jeongyeon because she is incredibly flustered (and just a little turned on)
“You’re so pretty unnie, I wish I could kiss you,” You said moving a bit faster now, the tempo forgotten as a slight moan escaped your lips. You looped your hands around her neck.
Jeongyeon’s eyes widened when she realised what you were doing.
“Ba- fuck Y/N-ah, we need to stop,” she said. Hands gripping your hips to stop you rather than guide you this time.
“Why?” you asked, sounding so, so crushed “unnie doesn’t like it?” And fuck if jeongyeon was a weaker woman, she’d have given in.
“I do, but you won't once you’ve sobered up.’ she said, gently lifting you off her lap.”Let’s get you home.”
****
Hoseok liked Instagram. He used it well, his feed was all about his boyfriends and there was hardly ever any drama (or maybe there was, he just didn't care). For Hoseok it was light, aesthetically pleasing fun. But more importantly, it was a distraction when he needed it to be.
Hoseok didn't have a private story. In fact, he had spent the first few days on the app wondering why some circles were green and some were red. Learning what they meant hadn’t eased his confusion one bit because why were these people he was certainly not close with adding him to something called a “close friends”
The point of having a “close friends” is adding your closest friends to it right? He already lived with his. There was no point in updating them about his day on Instagram when they were present in his day. That doesn't mean he wasn't added to any though. Hoseok saw almost as many green circles daily as he saw dm requests. While he would never put himself out there like that, he was glad other people did.
So he sat on Yoongi’s bed, waiting anxiously for the older to take a shower and opened the app.
user thinkaboutzu’s story was the first one to pop up, a neon green circle around her profile picture. (Hoseok really doesn't think it's a good idea to add people you don’t know well on
these lists. He's never even spoken to Tzuyu!) but he opens it anyway and Hoseok isn't sure what he was expecting to see, but it certainly wasn't this.
He had been prepared for a backstage video of her getting ready earlier, maybe a typed-out post about how boring awards shows were, a video of her doing shots at the after-party even, but not this. Not you bending over, back arched with your ass pressed against Momo’s front.
He was not prepared for how she snapped her hips forward to meet yours, nor was he prepared for you to have thrown your ass back to match her rhythm. His eye twitched a little when he realised how good Momo was with her hips, dancer’s hips. The same thing you had parroted to him in an orgasm-induced stupor that you loved the most about him. It made his blood boil.
“Hobah?”
Hoseok, albeit a bit startled, flipped his phone shut and put on his most convincing smile for yoongi. At least he hoped it was convincing
“Hi hyung, you smell so nice-”
“What were you looking at?” Yoongi asked, cutting him off mid-sentence.
“I was looking at...the time! Yeah, just the time hyung”
Yoongi hummed and walked over to stroke Hoseok's hair.
“I love you Seok-ah,” he mumbles “ you’re so wonderful,” He praised, his finger combing gently through Hoseok’s light brown strands.
Hoseok preened a bit.
Yoongi stopped stroking his hair and gripped at his roots, pulling his head back.
“But you’re a horrible liar. Be a good boy and show Hyung what was on the phone.” Hoseok choked back a whine.
“But-”
“now.”
*****
“Home” had apparently meant Jeongyeon’s place, not that you minded. Where else were
you going to go? Your house?
You were in the spare room at Jeonyeon’s apartment. You got there around half an hour ago. It took more than a little prodding for jeongyeon to convince you that a shower would be good for you but you eventually listened. She had been right.
The cold water had sobered you up really well and helped clear your head. You weren't in any (physical) pain, nor were you nauseous (God bless your high alcohol tolerance) but you were still high on adrenaline that you had nothing to do with.
Jeongyoen had long locked herself up in her room as soon as she could, putting as much space between you as she could. It was almost comical. brought you a pair of her sweatpants and an oversized T-Shirt for you to put on along with some towels, a bottle of water and a big satin scarf
“because you don’t have a bonnet” she had explained when you raised a questioning brow at her, flushed red to the tip of her ears.
She had also brought your purse which you totally forgot you had with you that night.
“I’ll be in my room if you need anything,just knock ” she said, leaning against the open mouth
of the door.
Your phone buzzed in your purse.
“Y/N-ah, your phone hasn't stopped going off the entire time. I’m not sure what happened earlier, but maybe answer who’s trying so hard to get through to you okay?” she said, her voice softening as if to coax you to listen.
You nodded and she smiled and left.
Now you were all alone, restless and full of weird energy that just would not go away. You groaned into the pillow in frustration as your phone lit up again. You picked it up. It was a bit after 1, way too late for you to take in the influx of messages in your inbox.
You couldn't deal with that tonight. What you needed was some sleep. And to do that, you had to burn some energy off, to tire yourself out until you inevitably knocked yourself out and you knew exactly how to do it.
You opened the chat of the only person who hadn’t tried to contact you, and oh was he perfect for what you were about to do.
You pushed yourself out of the bed and made your way across the hall to Jeongyeon’s room. You rapped on the door thrice. Needed something you did.
****
On the other side of Seoul Taehyung’s phone lights up, but it isn't Taehyung who checks it.
Jimin does.
Taehyung is in the living room talking to the hyungs and Jungkook.
“It's okay minnie, i’ll go. You try to get some rest, okay?” Taehyung had said before he left.
The unsaid “I dont think it's a good idea for you to come” isn't lost on Jimin, but He appreciates his soulmate’s kindness anyways
He had just been laying on the bed, staring up a the ceiling and wondering how and why he had fucked up so badly when your text came in.
Except it wasn't a text. It was a voice message.
His palms began to sweat. What were you going to say to Taehyung that you couldn't say in the group chat? Why Taehyung? Was it because you thought Taehyung would be the best person to relay the breakup message to him? Did you think he would take it better that way?]
He shook his head, willing himself to stop overthinking it. He turns the volume up and puts the speaker to his ear.
His face pales and he drops the phone to the floor.
But the speaker is loud so he can still hear you.
Your moans reverberate around the walls of Taehyung’s room.
He can still hear every gasp and stutter that leaves your lips.
The needy “Please, Right there Jeongyeon unnie” still reaches his ears.
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♫ you dont have to answer this especially if you already have a ton but lllllllincoln li-wilson,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i am a simple man
SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THIS I WANTED TO BE REASONABLY THOROUGH (AND YES I DO HAVE TO ANSWER THIS ACTUALLY!!!)
*breathes* heh. This might be a tad long, so let's go to my super secret Lincoln Li Wilson fan club under the cut
-oh right, the password! No problem it's
SAY HI TO YOUR DAD FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
HEH. WELCOME TO THE COOLEST CLUB IN THE FANDOM, POPULATION YOU AND ME.
okokokokokok so so so so well I guess what I realized is that, while I have many songs for this boy- err technically a lot of them are in a shippy sorta context?? But I don't wanna, well, I don't wanna hit you with anything that is too, like, "ship-dependent" cause I don't know what you do or don't ship!
*That said*- my fucking gothcleats playlist dude? I'm handing it to you anyways cause I have FEELINGS about every single one of these fucking songs and imo honestly you can interpret most of them in a completely non romantic context anyways also also almost all of them are from Linc's perspective for me so I think you'd genuinely still appreciate at least some of these. All *that* said, I will be picking a few from this playlist to talk about that really aren't that romance-coded if at all buuuut are gonna be about Scary to some degree.
Oh- my swiftli playlist you ask??? IT'S SO FUCKING STUPID DUDE. It's so dumb like it's so silly like it's almost purely vibes and the vibes are really really dumb but yesss I'm handing you this one as well I'm not saying the songs don't slap but they're still very stupiddddd.
OK on to some fucking songs yeah???? So I guess the first one I'll start with is:
"Angel With A Shotgun" by The Cab
Which, okay, before I even get to the lyrics like come ON am I wrong for thinking that even just that fucking name is the most Lincoln Li Wilson thing in the whole god damn world??
But yeah, I mean lyrically really this one has a lot going for it as a Lincoln song, but to point out a few particular lyrics that stand out to me:
////
If love's a fight, then I shall die
With my heart on a trigger
They say before you start a war
You better know what you're fighting for
If love is what you need, a soldier I will be
I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won
I don't care if heaven won't take me back
I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe
Sometimes to win, you've got to sin
Don't mean I'm not a believer
And I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight
////
😤 This one really gives me extra feels after the last episode, I gotta say! :0 As far as like pure imagery goes I think some strange combination of an angel and a soldier is just *so* Lincoln. There's just these really interesting themes with Lincoln of like, devotion, and sacrifice, and perseverance, and making tough decisions! Especially to help those around you! This song really just captures that for me.
Okay, next!
"Hit The Floor" by Linkin Park (more like Lincoln Park am I right sorry sorry)
Right right, where to start with this one... This one captures two primary concepts for me. It's partially, like, confrontation between Linc and Scary, from his perspective. But actually, I think you could also interpret some of these as relating to his frustrations with Grant as well! Otherwise, I like this one cause I think it captures Linc's ability to like, totally turn the tables and flip the switch when you least expect it? Seriously, that boy is quick on his feet (heh soccer heh), and always has a trick up his sleeve. Here's a few lyrics:
////
One minute, you're on top!
The next you're not, missed your shot
You think you won, and then it's all gone
So many people like me put so much trust in all your lies
So concerned with what you think to just say what we feel inside
So many people like me walk on eggshells all day long
All I know is that all I want is to feel like I'm not stepped on
What goes up will surely fall, and I'm countin' down the time
'Cause I've had so many stand-offs with you, it's about as much as I can stand
So I'm waitin' until the upper hand is mine
I know I'll never trust a single thing you say
You knew your lies would divide us, but you lied anyway
And all the lies have got you floating up above us all
But what goes up has got to fall
////
I guess Mike Shinoda is just *the* Linc artist for me, cause this next one is from him as well!
"Believe Me" by Fort Minor
:0 Also about Linc's confrontations with Scary, but with a different flavor! Here I think it's more retrospective, at least in part, in reference to how Linc used to look up to Scary in some sense, and trusted her and all that. Otherwise, there's obviously some narrative parallels going on between these two, particularly with regards to the evolution of their mental/emotional states, which I think some of these lines nod to as well:
...Yeah it's really basically the entire song for this one ahahaha what can I say it's good shit
////
You like fun and games? Keep playing 'em
I'm just saying, think back then, we was like one and the same
On the right track, but I was on the wrong train
Just like that, now you gotta face the pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
And in your brain, like a maze you can never escape the rain
Every damn day is the same shade of grey
Hey, I used to have a little bit of plan
Used to have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right out of my hand
Now, I don't really even know who I am
Yo, what do I have to say?
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
And whatever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me
I guess that this is where we've come to
If you don't want to, then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now, you're on your own now, believe me
Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self destruct eventually
Now I'll be thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work 'cause it's really much worse
Than I thought, I wished you were something you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got
////
ALRIGHT. Let me leave you with one that's just for Linc. I won't bother with specific lyrics for this one, this song slaps (I think!), you gotta give it a listen.
"Galvanize" by The Chemical Brothers
Linc calls the shots in this fucking podcast, you know this, I know this. That's what this one is about.
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