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Tony: Parker, they found one of the stolen paintings at her house.

Peter: But she says she didn’t know how it ended up there. She’s being set up.

Tony: Framed! Art joke. Continue.

19 notes · See All

harry: i know you said you don’t want to date aurors, but i really like you.

draco: i like you too.

harry: good.

draco: but what if we start dating and it makes things weird at work?

harry: so we’ll just keep it light and breezy and see where it goes.

draco: totally. yeah. so how do we keep it light and breezy?

draco: oh, i know. a comprehensive set of rules.

harry: how am i attracted to you? doesn’t matter. i am. go.

370 notes · See All

[Needing to get rid of a hero’s motorcycle]

Metauro: Motorcycles are death machines. I have four kids. I’m not risking it.

Flug: Are you saying my life matters less because I don’t conform to society’s heteronormative child-centric ideals?

Metauro: Are you really playing the gay card right now?

Flug: *deadpans* Yas queen.*snaps*

39 notes · See All
Beatrice: Everyone be quiet!
Kit: Oh, where's Dewey? He's great at shushing!
Kit: Okay, everyone needs to get inside one of the rooms and get out of the hallway
Everybody: *Laughs*
Dewey: Shhhhhhhhhh
Beatrice: Wow, he is good at shushing
Kit: I know, he's like a librarian
Beatrice: You mean like a sexy librarian?
Kit: *beaming* No.
27 notes · See All
Stamets: So now I'm supposed to do anything that Captain Kirk does? What if he jumped off a cliff?
Spock: If Jim were to jump off a cliff, he would have done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So, yes, if you see Captain Kirk jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
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Lapis: Letting me into your life was the worst mistake you’ve ever made.

Peridot: Cool. Interesting take on our relationship.

Amethyst: I think you guys are perfect for each other–

Peridot: *muttering* Feel like there’s gonna be more…

Amethyst: –because you’re both losers.

Peridot: And there it is.

158 notes · See All
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