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Guys, I’ve finally done it! I started learning Polish again! This time I am taking private classes, instead of going to the university and it’s so much better. I’ve been wanting to start on Polish again for such a long time. 

I can speak pretty well already, make myself understood, effectively communicate and read basic texts like news articles, or someone’s rant on social media. However, Polish is extremely freaking hard with many nuances and complex grammar. I can’t speak the way I would like to and I’m starting to worry that I am re-defining my identity. If you consider language as an expression of your thoughts and this expression as a statement for your identity, then language defines not only how other people perceive you but also how you perceive yourself. And here is where I am starting to have troubles. 

Despite reading books in Romanian, I am no longer part of the Romanian academic context and I feel like my versed language skills are fading away. Even in basic conversation, I surprise myself forgetting a simple word and not being able to remember it in any of the languages I know.

Secondly, I am not practising my English on a studious level. I am speaking in English with my husband and my clients and most of the media I consume is in English, however, this also feels a bit like a closed bubble, where mistakes are easy to slip through and remain unnoticed for a long time until they form a new habit of language.

So all in all, I am really feeling like my language skills are fading away and from Irina who writes complex philosophical essays, I’m turning into Irina who knows disco polo lyrics, uses double past tense in English, has trouble writing a simple email in Romanian and can’t remember the word “pâlnie” if her life was on the line.

I feel that bringing my Polish to the “using the right endings for a change” level, then my identity will start to slowly revert back. Or at least my self-perception will shift, which might be all that matters. :) 


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I present to you: my chemistry project!


I think it turned out really good, especially considering that i procrastinated on it for a month, and then did the whole project in 3 days. For those who don’t speak dutch, ‘waterstof’ is the dutch word for hydrogen. And i chose a rocket because hydrogen is used as fuel for rockets.

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09.07.19  — henlo! alright, i’ve been super inactive since last year which is quite a disappointment because i thought i can be productive but i didn’t lmao. however, i will start trying to get active with my studyblr and maybe update random pics about my day. not that im concern about any views, i just want to see my productive days and see any improvements in  myself. 

yesterday was my first day of being a senior in polytechnic school, as I am now a year 2, midwifery student. I passed my exams and practicals in semester 1 and 2. since i am in semester 3 now, I will be having more crisis and stress :) which is why i turn back to studyblr, hoping that i can feel less stress if i share out whatever that happened in class. 

the modules/subjects that im having this year are Normal Antenatal and Childbirth, Normal Postnatal and Newborn, Pharmacology and Clinical Practices. so that is 4 in total number of modules. I hope to stay focus and motivated every each day. 

I’ll be doing my pharmacology homework after this and i wish i can have a long resting hours after that. 

[current playlist: Could I Love You Any More  — Renee Dominique ft Jason Mraz.]

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I was home alone….

I draw on my body and it was beautiful. If I took a photo one inch lower you’d see my scars. It was a way to take a way the pain. I had frustrations not only on life but in studying as well. That stuff was so stressing. I went to a foreign country and didn’t know the language nor culture. I had no friends so no one to ask to. I did so well in school but then I couldn’t even understand the teachers. I often had dark thoughts and I relieve the pain with self harm. Now I don’t do it anymore. And If I’m going through something and feel the urge to I look down and see my scars. I think about what I’ve been through and know I can get through anything. I can get through textbooks, notes, exams and all that stuff. And if I can do it. You can as well.

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