#suicidal thoughts mention

[elveny]

When I was 14, I wanted to die.

I kept going to see my youngest brother grow up.

When I was 19, I caught myself staring down from out of a window and thinking "would this be high enough?"

I got scared of my thoughts and immediately changed literally my whole life to escape that thought. It worked. It worked really well, in fact.

Still, I was certain I wouldn't make it past 26. Something inside me was absolutely convinced that I'd die before my 27th birthday. No longer from my own hands, but from some obscure fate.

Then, to my own surprise, I turned 27. And then I found the love of my life.

And now, I am 40 and I no longer want to die. At all. In fact, I feel like I could live forever - so much to see, to do, to learn, to experience.

I want to LIVE. And that is very beautiful.

So, to everyone struggling: it will get better. I promise. I was there and I came out alive.

The world is vast and beautiful and you belong in it. We need you. The person you meet tomorrow needs you. Hold on, okay?

See you next year, love.

#suicide mention #suicidal thoughts mention #but despite these tags: this is a positive post #elveny rambles #personal

[lifblogs]

It is so odd to me when people think Éowyn’s story is “badass girl power” when in the movies there is literally a scene of Merry telling her what she has to live for because he knows she is seeking her own death. Even in the books it was known to an extent by Merry because he identified Dernhelm (Éowyn) as the soldier who had the look in their eyes as if they craved death. Why erase all that? Why turn it into a cheap story of “badass girl power”? No doubt, Éowyn is brave, and strong, she’s loyal, she loves, but she hurts so much too.

#The Lord of the Rings #Éowyn #suicidal thoughts mention

[queer-cosette]

Here we go, the first original song I've ever posted online.

Hard Loud Fast is about my experience with suicidal ideation as a teenager living in the FUCK zone of overlapping depression, anxiety, and undiagnosed ADHD. It gets explicit with what exactly I was thinking about doing, so PLEASE proceed with caution. I'll post the lyrics under a cut just to be safe.

I'm no longer suicidal - I wrote this after talking to my therapist and realising there was a whole bunch of shit that I'd just... never processed. I'd boxed up a lot of stuff in the back of my mind and never examined it, largely out of shame. I hope to write more - there's a lot more to process, and I need it known that this dark stuff is coming from a good place: I'm healthy and happy enough to examine it now without being overwhelmed by it.

Hard Loud Fast lyrics

Grey’s reserved for Mondays, Friday should be gold But Friday’s turning grey now - I’ve never felt this cold I’m walking through the station And everyone is waiting For the train I’d get to take me home

Passing through the turnstile, lurching down the stairs Feels like every empty gaze is an accusing glare I can hear the train now I’m sick of all this pain now I kind of want to jump to see who cares

I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna die I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I still don’t know why Do I really want to take that leap While everyone here is watching me? I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna say goodbye

Gotta make my mind up before the train arrives Maybe dead I’ll get the respect I didn’t get alive I hope my friends will miss me And my ex will wish she’d kissed me One last time, ‘cause this decision’s finally mine!

I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna die I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I still don’t know why Do I really want to take that leap While everyone here is watching me? I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna say goodbye

Maybe I just want someone to see me Maybe I just want someone to hear me Maybe I just want someone to stop me Someone to understand

What would I do if somebody saw me? How would it feel if somebody heard me? Would I be glad if somebody stopped me? Reached out and took my hand? If for once someone held my hand?

I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna die I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I still don’t know why

I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna die I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I still don’t know why Do I really want to take that leap While everyone here is watching me? I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna say goodbye

I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud (Maybe I just want someone to see me) I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna die (Maybe I just want someone to hear me) I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud (Maybe I just want someone to stop me) I want it to be fast, but I still don’t know why (Someone to understand) Do I really want to take that leap (What would I do if somebody saw me?) While everyone here is watching me? (How would it feel if somebody heard me?) I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud (Would I be glad if somebody stopped me?) I want it to be fast, but I don’t wanna say goodbye (Reached out and took my hand?)

I want it to be hard, I want it to be loud I want it to be fast I don’t know what I want…

#coco sings #check your baggage #hard loud fast #original song #suicidal thoughts mention #past suicidal ideation

[heroesriseandfall]

Chip Zdarsky’s writing of Bruce’s POV in these panels is interesting. The ways Bruce is messed up...

Batman (2016) #129 - IDs in alt text

#I have more thoughts abt those last two pages. they are a banger #bruce wayne #batman #aquaman #batfam #Batman 129 #chip zdarsky #batman (2016) #batman spoilers #tuesday spoilers #heroesriseandfall #arthur curry #batman: failsafe #suicidal thoughts mention #just in case because. yeah UMM

[prettyboykatsuki]

☆ cw ;; hurt/comfort, discussions about depression and mental health and suicidal thoughts, mentions relapsing.

"Hey," His voice is calm, gentle but authoritative "Time to get up. Or I can give you five. Your choice. "

"Five minutes, please,"

You can feel his presence at the door way. You're turned to face the other way, but his shadow is on your wall clear as day. His steps are silent. The corner of your bed dips under the weight of his body, as he leans over over your form.

Instead of saying anything, he places a kiss to your temple. There's a feeling in his voice, but you don't know what. Somewhere crossed between sympathy, pain, and love. All three. You shut your eyes.

"Five minutes," He parrots hoarsely "I love you,"

"I love you too, Katsuki"

He doesn't sigh when he gets up. Probably for your sake. He simply shuts the door behind him, and leaves you in your dark room. You move to lay on your back and stare at the ceiling. The sound of your fan is just enough noise, and the room is cold. You're comfortable under your blankets, in the warmth. In your room, alone. You're comfortable like this, in your own way.

If it was up to you, you'd stay here. You want to stay here, and only here. Nowhere else.

But that's why you have to get up in 5 minutes. To shower, to brush your teeth after uncountable days, to pray or mediate - whichever feels the least heavy. You want to lay down, forever, but you can't. You have to live. It's on the other side of your door, that life.

Everything is slow as you think it. Aware of your self and your passivity, you can feel the itch on your skin after skipping showers. The grease collected around your nose. These clothes you haven't changed. Even the cup of water near your bed that's starting to taste like dust.

You were under the impression that after you stopped wanting to die, after your sadness and pain, that the journey to sea-level would be peaceful. A part of you felt betrayed. You were promised it gets better.

Instead though, you find yourself pushing up against the weight of the deep-sea. Down here, there's less oxygen and you're fighting for air for the first time. Instead of drowning, or dying. Even if you get to the top, you must do it slowly. And you're so busy trying not to sink back, to breathe, you don't have a chance to feel better.

It doesn't feel better. It doesn't feel like anything. You want to live, and you thought that would be easy. That the swim towards the promising sunlight would be pleasant.

But you're encased in cold amniotic fluid - a living thing inhabiting a dead case, and you don't want to fight for air to breathe. Each time you make it farther, you hit what feels like a hall of ice that you break through with bloodied knuckles. It's so ugly you don't tell anyone about it.

You've done this too before. A hundred times. When you're above a few hundred more feet and, getting warmer. This exhaustion is a familiar ache. This desire for extremity, this yearning for the deep dark. You want to do all the things that made you terrible, just because it's easier than having to punch through. It's always easier to go under, or over, than it is to go through.

Beyond that door is your life in all it's mundanity. It's your cat, and your boyfriend. It's your circumstances, all wrapped up. Your life. The florescent lights will make your eyes hurt. You'll cry naked in your bathroom when you shower.

The water will pour from overhead, and you will gasp for air as it touches your skin. You'll keep shattering the ice with your bare knuckles as you break through to a new normal.

A car passing by your window has lights that shine into your room. It must be the sun. The sun is above you. Life is outside. You just have to get up to go search for meaning in it.

A knock tugs you gently from your trance. The door creaks when it opens, and the warmth creeps in once again.

"Ready to get up?" His voice is calm. Easy. It's quiet.

You get up. The sheets rustle underneath you.

"Yeah," Comes your reply, exhausted but willing "I'm up."

#suicidal thoughts mention #depression cw #mental health cw #ask to tag #writing tag #sometimes you have to disguise your inner thoughts as fanfiction and thats okay #and btw i am genuinely Okay. just reflecting

[lilbugprincess]

I think what strikes me most today, as I face another year, is how nonchalant it all feels. Today I'm 33. Next year, I'll be 34. Life will move alongside me into the future, and I'll do my best to become a better person as we all go.

At age 16 I thought I'd die before 20. At age 22 I could barely see myself living beyond a week, a month at a time. For years and years and years, every birthday felt weird and wrong... each year was this big impossible thing I couldn't imagine myself surviving.

Today was low-key. I didn't need it to be very special. I'll have more birthdays in the future, I know it. I can't predict what life has ahead of me, but I can trust that I'll want myself to live.

How wonderful it is that I survived long enough to be this way

#suicidal thoughts mention #i am... better. i'm better! and what a wonderful thing!

[thediktatortot]

I'm a little high so pardon my deep thoughts but.

I really empathize with Billy to a degree even if my situation wasn't with my parents but with my superiors in the military.

From the first morning (like 3am because our flight lasted like 13 hours and we weren't to sleep until that night) I got to my ship to the last day I stepped off after filing an SA report 3 1/2 years later, I'd been stuck with not only my assaulter for that whole time, but with all his friends and people who decided to pick me as their punching bag.

It's really, really not easy to live, eat, breath, sleep, work, play shit shower and everything else under the sun with the same people who are supposed to be, in theory, your teammates or your leaders.

In the military they say you're supposed to be a family but that's not always how it is because sometimes people are just assholes. Luck if the draw but sometimes it makes you feel like maybe you are the problem.

Maybe everyone hates you because something is intrinsically wrong with you and that's why you can't make any friends or find anywhere safe in this place you have to call home for the next four years in a new place that isn't home but it has to be home now.

You can't go back home even if you tried. You're stuck.

So I get it. Maybe not exactly the same but I get it and it's hard and the only reason I left was because I finally got tired enough to hurt myself just a little too much so someone would finally notice.

Luckily someone saw what I was saying & sadly Billy never got a chance to be seen.

#billy Hargrove #deep thoughts #depression mention #suicidal thoughts mention #abuse mention

[coyote-apologist]

she'll be 10 years in just a few short months. oh, where has the time gone?

cw for future pet death under the cut and mention of past suicidal thoughts.

oh everest. i sit here now, writing this, with you perched peacefully in my lap. you rest your head on my arm as i type. you're starting to grow old, my dear. you've been slowing down recently, i've noticed. you don't much care for playing all that often, but i still look at you and see the bouncing kitten you once were. you would go on nightly patrols around the house, searching for any stray moths that had made their way in. you haven't done that in months, dear. when i sat in bed doing homework, you would chew my pencils to bits as i tried to write around you. now, there's no more homework for me to do, and you've stopped chewing my pencils. when i am sad, you're the first to come running, you always have been. when i cry late at night for reasons well beyond your understanding, you force your way into my lap and settle down with your gentle purrs. at times you were the only reason i decided to keep living. i'd like to think you have given me a few of your nine lives, to save mine. you've been having trouble jumping onto the couch, dear. please, let me help you up. oh? you wanna fuss at me for picking you up? that's okay, i understand dear. just let me do this for you, okay? i don't know how much longer you'll be here. you sit in my lap, and you watch me type this. your head is resting on my arm. your tail is flicking softly against my leg. you don't know why i am crying, but you are here nonetheless. you let out a little sigh and settle in further. i want to document every single thing you do, i don't want to forget. every time i walk into the kitchen you make your way to me, begging for treats. i have noticed you coming slower and slower, dear. i see you watching out the window more. what are you thinking of? you're not watching the birds anymore, they don't interest you much. you just like to sit and watch the wind through the trees. i sit with you sometimes. do you like it when i sit with you? do you know how soft your fur is? have you kept count of how many times i have cried into it? do you know how much i love you? i don't think i have ever loved any being more than you, my dear.

i will be devastated when you're gone, you know. i won't know what to do with myself. i will be crying and crying and crying and you won't be there. there will come a day that you never come again. when you never hunt bugs again. when you never chew any pencils. when you never beg for treats. when we never look out the window together again. how long do i have left with you, my dear? how long until i bury my face in your fur and cry for the last time? how long until i last kiss your little head? how long until you cuddle with me for the last time? how long until you come to my cries for the last time? what will i do when you're gone? how do i even cope with that loss? do i cope? will a piece of me be ripped away along with you?

i have started a collection of your whiskers. i find them on the bed, or the couch, and i take them and put them away. little pieces of you for me to keep, like somehow it will make your loss less hard. when you're gone, i want to cremate you and keep you on a necklace. i want you near my heart, even in death. and maybe, eventually, i will open the capsule you are in and put you in my garden. i'll plant you with the catnip, in a place overlooking the whole yard. when my heart it ready i will let you chase the moths again, and watch the birds. is it selfish to keep you until i am ready for you to go? what do you want, dear? i'd like to think you'd want me to do whatever brings me comfort. you have always done nothing but comfort me. where will i be without your comfort?

you sit in my lap as i type this. you're fully asleep now. i feel your small paws twitch every now and then. what do you dream of, dear?

we've known each other for almost ten years now. and i can only hope for another ten. i love you, everest. you don't have to say it back, i know you love me too.

#future pet death #pet death #my cats #everest #suicidal thoughts mention #sorry for the long read

[dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you]

❤️

it's been 10 years since all the suicidal thoughts came back and I'm still alive so I guess that's good

things to look forward to this year - gotham knights with misha in march and chicago SPN con in june (yes I'll try again this year since I didn't go last year xD... might be my last one... I dunno... I just want a picture with misha and jensen lol)

in april will also be my 10th year in the SPN/Destiel fandom :D (y'all keeping me alive for real... I dunno what would have happened to me if I never discovered SPN)

also, getting into diamond painting again and also trying to have motivation to pick up a paint brush and paint something cuz I haven't painted anything in 9 months xD

I'm still listening to music at work and that helps alot getting my brain distracted

let's see how it goes this year ❤️

#theresa talks #very personal stuff #suicidal thoughts mention #I just love you all just being on my dash and notifs ❤️❤️❤️

[myusernameisstolen]

Yo the second I followed the autism tag I got contacted by "kokobot" the mental health advisor or whatever the fuck bc I expressed interest in "mental health" the overall tone was condescending as if I might be experiencing suicidal ideation bc of autism

I'm probably overreacting, bc it is technically mental health related, but as someone w autism it just immediately pissed me off

#autism #Suicidal thoughts mention #Bots #Vent

[sociallyanxiousdragon]

Read more for potentially upsetting personal talk

Hell yeah it worked

Anyway

I reblogged (or queued) a post about making sure you have your papers in order for like your will and stuff and I'm just like

Hahaha but what do I do if I'm afraid having my affairs in order will make me feel more actionable the next time I become extremely suicidal because worrying about the paperwork is something that stops me lol!!!

The answer is to of course talk to a fucking therapist and actually get on regular treatment and shit but you know

#jax yacks #suicidal thoughts mention #nothing serious rn just hypothetical stuff

[bpdkaiba]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga), Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bakura Ryou/Kaiba Seto, But you have to squint to the point of closing your eyes, queer platonic relationship - Relationship, this is also a qpr haha gotcha bitch Characters: Bakura Ryou, Kaiba Seto, Male oc made to die, sorry not sorry - Character, Isono | Roland Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, sex used a coping mechanism, mental health, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Ideation Summary: Ryou and Kaiba talk and eat. They learn to meet at the middle, but not without some tears

Once again thank you to the wonderful bih known as @chaosmax for giving me their time and helping with editing, writing some bits and proof/beta reading. As well as her handle on the characters, which is totally based and poggers :>

#al's fics #ryou bakura #seto kaiba #isono roland #isono #roland #ygo #yugioh #self harm mention #emotional abuse #suicidal ideation mention #suicidal thoughts mention #euroshipping

[lifblogs]

So, if you want details about last night. I also was not given food, or even a toothbrush. They let me freeze after my seizures even though you’re supposed to keep someone warm afterwards since body temperature regulation is difficult. I called for help multiple times and was either laughed at or ignored. I’m in bed today and using my cane again because I wasn’t given mobility aids and wasn’t listened to when I said I had had a broken femur that was still healing. They hurt my recently healed broken jaw by taking my temperature too roughly and not caring about my recent injury. I am in bed today and can barely move from the pain in my leg. I’m worried it’s reinjured. I’m so scared. It hurts so bad. Archer and I treated the burns on my hands rather quickly so the burned areas have shrunken and it doesn’t hurt as bad. I’m just so tired, and maybe in shock. I can’t feel my anger, or much of anything.

What’s worse is myself and other patients were getting trash talked. I also played some card games with a couple of the other patients, and they were telling me they hadn’t been given their meds in days.

I’m currently not suicidal at all. I’m too tired for it, honestly.

#personal #suicidal thoughts mention #abuse #medical abuse

[queer-cosette]

SO I wrote and recorded an original song about my experience with suicidal ideation as a teenager, would anyone want to hear it?

#it's pretty heavy subject matter just to warn everyone #suicidal thoughts mention #past suicidal ideation #coco speaks #coco sings #it's about the experience of desiring the shocked response and proof that people cared/revenge on those who didn't care enough #rather than actually wanting to die

[heroesriseandfall]

[CW for art & text with suicidal imagery]

I want to compare some panels for Bruce & Tim, re: evil versions of yourselves that destroy everything you care about.

Bruce, about the machine he created that hurt his friends and family to get to him:

Batman (2016) #129

Tim, about the evil version of himself from the future where he became a fascist dictator:

Teen Titans (2003) #52 - ID in alt text

The situations are different but to me they contain a similar element, which is: “I would rather die than be the cause of all this destruction.”

I don’t have many further thoughts on this, and it’s something that extends beyond these two within the Batfamily, but I was thinking about this specific connection earlier and…yep, Bruce and Tim are messed up for sure.

#tim drake #bruce wayne #batfam #batman #batman 129 #titans of tomorrow #tuesday spoilers #bonds: someone alone like me #robin iii #bat mental health #suicidal thoughts mention #teen titans (2003) #batman (2016) #dc #alt described #heroesriseandfall

[snoozy-red-panda]

no but i heard this therapist say awhile back in passing that supposedly one of the first signs for most boys/men of depression is not bathing/getting dressed/grooming at all and uh. this remark has just has stuck in my head cause i know at some of my very lowest points i was showering almost every single day and changing clothes daily for sure and i have only pretty much not done so when physically sick to my stomach so. i guess i was fine and not having repeating suicidal ideation that i never really got treatment for it's just mainly gone away. how would anyone know. i was a person with a beard and i smelled of soap.

#suicidal thoughts mention