#suicide tw

[trans-axolotl]

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult. #i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd culture is becoming suicidal when your favourite person picks someone else over you

- z (if it isn't taken)

.

#npd culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #-z #suicide tw

[deaths]

this straight up changed me as a person. killing myself in front of you to forever change your bond and the trajectory of your lives

#suicide tw

[nyancrimew]

reblogs off since im tired of the dumb fucking discourse happening here, go read this long post and reblog it instead please.

ok so tumblr also really needs this reminder based on some posts ive seen around lately, the "babygirlification" of JSTOR is bad. like Bad Bad. did you all just collectively forget history? did you alll just forget they have blood on their hands? just because they publish science stuff in an ever so slightly more ethical way than springer and are a little silly on social media sometimes? JSTOR killed aaron swartz (wikipedia). in his fight for freedom of information he downloaded papers off of jstor (with acedemic access from MIT) to share and make freely accessible (as all information should be), for this he was charged with wire fraud, computer fraud, unlawfully obtaining information from a protected computer, and recklessly damaging a protected computer. he was facing up to 50 years in prison and a 1 million USD fee for a simple act of downloading files he lawfully had access to. with this court case the US government drove one of the most important online activists and programmers (he is behind so much stuff you all take for granted) into suicide in the name of JSTOR.

JSTOR isn't the cool girl on the block. this isnt a call to boycott them (though please learn how to use things such as sci-hub and fight for open science and freedom of information in general please <3), but please dont glorify them as some sort of cutesy platform.

#jstor #suicide tw #aaron swartz

[nil-number]

There is something deeply wrong with some of you I’m ngl

#carrie calls #i’m sorry but you sound like a raging conservative catholic. #get over yourselves. #suicide tw #suicide bait tw

[gertritude-art]

HEARTBREAKING: local food blogger thinks it's funny to put on a rude persona in their recipe videos

#who finds these videos funny. who are they for #its me #doodle #see i actually enjoy viewing recipes and learning about food so i like people who just. do that in their videos #suicide tw #also clarification: deliberately rude personalities are different to people who like to be sarcastic or joke when cooking

[mysharona1987]

This Reddit story is frigging nuts, though.

Were you depressed before? Well, now here’s some crushing medical debt!

#Suicide tw #healthcare #capitalism #politics #reddit #usa politics #police

[dhawanmasters]

CONSTANTINE (2005) dir. Francis Lawrence

#constantine #constantine 2005 #1k #2k #cygifs #filmedit #filmgifs #moviegifs #junkfooddaily #dcedit #dcmultiverse #dcfilmblr #dailyflicks #useremory #userconstance #usertennant #userbrittany #userscary #suicide tw #this movie still slaps the graphics hold up and the shots and the set design are so good #it's just a really beautiful movie

[intersectionalpraxis]

⚠️tw: for torture, abuse, and brutality in the following posts⚠️:

#feminist #feminism #social justice #freepalastine🇵🇸 #palestine #free palestine #free gaza #suicide tw #torture tw #settler colonialism #settler violence #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #palestinian prisoners

[vaspider]

A closeted person, forcibly outed as having a trans online persona by a "conservative news site," died by suicide after being publicly ridiculed after the outing.

Then, the head of that "news site" sent condolences to Bubba's "victims and family."

There aren't any victims, of course, because the clothing you wear in private and the fiction you write isn't anybody's business, but it's important to understand that these people really do think that trans people have "victims" bc we are somehow hurting people just by existing.

Do not add any kind of transphobic or anti-closet rhetoric to this post.

Turns out there were plenty of good reasons for him to stay closeted, nu? Show his memory the same grace and gentleness you'd want shown to someone you love.

#lgbtq #queer #trans #transphobia #suicide tw

[filmnoirsbian]

Joan Tierney

#spilled ink #poetry #suicide tw #my writing #id in alt text #all my poetry has been so sad lately but what can i say...september is reminiscing hours #tcp

[orpheuslament]

btw the secret to not killing yourself is to find something small to look forward to. like maybe seeing a friend at the end of the week, or getting an overpriced coffee, or going to the cinema. you wait for that. & then it happens. & then you do it all over again

#believe its worked so far #suicide tw #dante.txt

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

(suicide mention)

(questioning ?) npd culture is wishing you had nine lives so you could use eight to kill yourself in front of people who piss you off so that they can be traumatized. but you do not have nine lives so you can't kill yourself because everyone would be so sad since you're literally the best ever

.

#npd culture is #questioning npd culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #suicide tw

[cripple-council]

even if your physical disability was caused by something specific you did, you still don’t deserve to deal with all this pain and suffering.

weight gain, suicide attempts, self harm, self inflicted injuries in general, overworking yourself / pushing your limits, not working ergonomically / doing tasks incorrectly and many other things can make you physically disabled and even if it is your fault, you still don’t deserve it. no one does.

#cripple punk #crip punk #cripplepunk #physical disability #physically disabled #c punk #cpunk #self harm tw #sh tw #suicide tw #sui tw

[nyancrimew]

the terf hatemail game has finally been upgraded with some more girlboss econ major email swag, i shall reserve a slot for it on my calendar when i return after the holidays

#anon hate #suicide tw #cropped out the second half of the ask cause it's just slurs

[wiisagi-maiingan]

I am going to be real blunt here and I need you all to read what I am actually saying and not whatever you decide I mean.

You cannot be glorifying suicide the way you all are.

Seriously. You cannot be over here making fan art of someone's suicide. You cannot be pointing at fucking reddit posts and end-of-life planning (something that MANY suicidal people do in the calmness right before an attempt) as evidence of someone being "of sound mind." You cannot be publicly praising someone for committing suicide.

You are going to kill someone. You are telling suicidal people that they can kill themselves in a way that will not only make other people happy, but that will also make a positive difference in the world. That is the absolute #1 thing you DO NOT DO.

Just STOP. Please. I am at a point in my life where I am passively suicidal but that was not always the case. I know how I would've felt seeing those posts when I was a teenager, how validating it would've felt to be told that my suicide could change the world, how encouraged I would've been. Think about the people reading your posts. Think about the messages you're sending to people who are only alive right now because they feel like their suicide would be a waste.

Please.

#suicide tw