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stargirl-writes · 5 months

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[chapter four] the secret history of anakin skywalker

the attempt

pairing : assassin! reader x anakin skywalker word count : 3k previous | next series navigation | masterlist

sypnosis

you have only known one truth about this war, the republic and the seperatists are two sides of the same coin. but now, your master count dooku has disposed of you after your consequent failures. his betrayal fueled your thirst for revenge. and in the cruel twist of fate, you have found yourself with an arrangement with the enemy. general anakin skywalker is willing to do what it takes for the republic to win, even if it meant dealing with you, his nemesis.

chapter summary

rako hardeen escapes with two known bounty hunters on orandia. anakin skywalker claims obi wan kenobi remains alive. and a revelation by cad bane made you head down a bar and drink the night away.

warnings : drinking, contains spoilers for star war's 'the clone wars' season 4, episodes 16-17.

notes : omg hello beautiful darlings! thank you for your patience for this overdue update 🥹 i really tried to outline how this'll go and suffice to say i think i've decided to commit to an ending that feels right (for the most parts). also, i've published on ao3 as well, so if you want to read there, here's the link.

likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

The first saloon in Nal Hutta leads you to a trail to Orandia.

Rako Hardeen had not been alone. He has escaped with two known bounty hunters, Cad Bane and Moralo Eval. They had just left the planet when you and Anakin Skywalker arrived.

The Jedi emanated a rage you recognized. You noted it in his silence. How his eyes darken after realizing he had been so close to catching the man who killed his master.

Now, your ship enters the atmosphere of Orandia. A silence blanketed your mind, there were so many things that had gone wrong. You've exhausted yourself trying to find the reason for all of the things that unravel. It is simply how things are now, and you're at the mercy of fate, or rather, Anakin Skywalker's.

You center yourself on the task at hand. Finding Hardeen would secure your alliance with the Jedi.

"There!" Skywalker points towards a ship loading gas.

Your eyes followed the direction he was pointing at. You recognize Cad Bane entering the hatch.

Skywalker unfastens his seatbelt. You saw the desperation in his intense glare.

"Hold on, they're leaving" You hissed as Skywalker stood up.

You held on to the control yoke, cursing under your breath at Skywalker's recklessness. You steered the ship, following Bane's ship.

You never really excelled in flying, and it was exacerbated by the way your ship was falling behind. You heard Skywalker grunt in annoyance.

Skywalker leans down behind you, extending his arm to grab ahold of the yoke. The coldness of his bionic fingers touching yours made you flinch.

"We're trying to follow Hardeen, not lose them" He comments.

You pulled on the accelerator, and your ship levels with Hardeen's.

Skywalker presses the button on the control board and the upper hatch opens.

Before you could even implore him to slow down, he was already out, jumping toward Hardeen's ship midair.

What an idiot, you cursed.

Your ship's velocity kept on accelerating and when you turned your face, a huge hill appeared. With all your strength, you pulled the yoke, your heart racing faster than your ship.

The ship manages to get past the hill, but it screeches from the contact. The system started blaring an emergency alarm. Your instinct commanded you to your feet, bracing yourself for the crash landing.

When you open your eyes again, a numbing pain accumulates on the temples of your forehead.

You force yourself to stand up, despite the blurriness of your vision. You held on to the walls to move out.

When your mind clears, you see the smoke of Hardeen's ship in the distance. You ran up, following the light of Skywalker's saber deflecting blaster shots.

When you got near, Hardeen was strangling Skywalker by the throat. He uses the force to push you back, but you persisted.

Cad Bane was walking away, back to their ship. "Ah, Wraith" Bane half turns when he sees you.

Hardeen stands up, Skywalker falls limp and you swallow your terror.

You eyed Skywalker's lightsaber on the ground, and you drew it with no hesitation.

You stepped forward, stance ready to deflect shots, carefully shielding Skywalker away from their range.

"Skywalker, stand up," You say through gritted teeth.

Rako Hardeen studies you as if he was trying to figure out how you were igniting a saber for the Jedi.

Bane fires his blaster, allowing Hardeen to run back to their ship. You charged, but Bane's shots kept you from going any nearer.

"Why Kenobi?" You yelled to Hardeen, accepting the fact that you won't be able to pin him down just yet.

"Why did Dooku want Kenobi dead?" You insisted after Hardeen's silence.

Cad Bane sneers "Oh, you mistake it, Wraith"

Their ship's hatch was beginning to close. "Kenobi was an excess. The bounty was to kill you."

You felt your blood drain from your head, and your grip on the lightsaber loosened.

"But you're not worth the hunt anymore. Dooku has new priorities, so you're free to live another day."

The hatch closes and the ship zooms up, jumping to hyperspace.

Your knees buckle. You hadn't even considered the thought that Count Dooku would have sent someone to ensure your death. The small part of you that hoped it had been an attempt to rescue you wounds you. As if the initial betrayal didn't hurt, this made it feel even worse.

Skywalker sits up, and you feel yourself caving in. Your breaths become shallower and it felt like the ground was disappearing and you're falling with no end.

You remembered thinking the world ending not long ago. It has steadily been crumbling ever since.

When you turned to face Skywalker, he had an expression you couldn't decipher. Empathy, confusion, offering solace, he seems to be able to exhibit all.

You handed his lightsaber back. Looking away, as if you felt him see you so vulnerable.

Skywalker stands straight. The rage and wild instinct he had before vanishes, and you despised that he was looking at you with some sort of pity.

"Obi-Wan's alive" He states.

You tilted your chin at his claim.

"I thought I was imagining it then, but he's undercover as Hardeen"

You raised an eyebrow, half-convinced that he'd been so drowned in grief he was becoming deluded.

"And if he was, why would he not tell you?" You challenged his eyes to contradict you, but he looked away as if he too was only considering it. You know you could be gentler at his good news, you just can't find the heart to be more hopeful. You hoped the way he is doing now, and you're hollowed by the truth of it.

The bounty was to kill you.

"The ship crashed, we'll have to find a new one," You said.

Skywalker presses on the holo channel on his arm. The device emits a crackling sound. "There's no signal, We need to find reception"

You nod, it was getting dark anyway, so it'd be best to stay where people are.

You soon found a small village nearby. Since the planet is Huttese territory, the streets are covered with a malaise you recognized. A sense of bracedness, it all felt too familiar. So, you kept walking close behind the Jedi.

"Here" Skywalker halts in his steps, finally gathering a reception.

You stopped to survey the surroundings, you were standing in front of a bar. Finally some good luck. You thought to yourself.

"Great" You expressed with a triumphant smile. A drink would dull the feelings you were having.

Skywalker's attention shifts to your enthusiasm and you see his lips pursed in annoyance as he follows you inside.

You sat at a bar stool, Skywalker next to you. You had no credits, but that problem will have to resolve itself later.

"Two please" You ordered to the bartender.

"Tempting, but no" Skywalker comments on the shots in front of you. He presses on the holo channel. Mace Windu had been dialing him to inform him that he shouldn't interfere with Obi-Wan's mission. He missed all six of them.

You suspected Saint Windu, always dogmatic, to have been the one to purposefully leave Skywalker in the dark. Dooku always commented on Windu's involvement with the Jedi Council's misguidedness. Dooku was not wrong in teaching you that

Skywalker's exterior becomes an expression of dissent. You tried putting yourself in his shoes. Wondering if being blatantly lied to by the Order you are guided by feels like a betrayal.

Did they not trust Anakin Skywalker?

Is he not supposed to be their chosen one?

You downed your drink. The bartender comes back to pour you another.

"I was under the impression that the Jedi Order worked as a collective" You delighted in the excess of boldness brought by your third shot.

"I did too" Skywalker answers plainly. "They won't be able to send Ahsoka til early tomorrow"

You sighed, after all that occurred, you wanted to rest. The Jedi Order would never run out of Padawans to deploy to come to rescue Skywalker. Perhaps, the Council did not want Anakin following undercover Obi-Wan again.

"You've scared them off, cheers to that" You raised your shot.

Skywalker's eyebrows furrowed "What's that supposed to mean?"

You took your drink, your cheeks beginning to warm from its effect. "Well, you have these— outbursts" You criticized. "You're too involved with your feelings, maybe they wanted to delay you"

Skywalker's expression hardens, you wanted to laugh at how obvious he was with how he was feeling.

"How can I not? They made me believe Obi-Wan was dead." Skywalker eyes the glass of alcohol, and you see him try to resist the urge.

You felt a tinge of guilt rush through you for judging Anakin's turmoil. Anyone else who'd face the same betrayal he feels now would react in the same manner. You certainly would.

"Ever since your Council got involved with politics, they became too concerned with appearing righteous." You tried speaking more leniently. "They'd not want to appear as though they want to seek revenge for their dead. It'd make the Jedi look vindictive."

"It would be justice to avenge Obi-Wan" He doesn't hide the anger coating his voice.

"Yes," You agreed. His eyes pierce on yours.

"Unfortunately, they are too caught up with appearing... holy." You were having trouble trying to be eloquent in your buzzed state.

You saw him withdraw— as if he did not really disagree with your opinion. You noticed that this was becoming a pattern with him— there's a place in his mind he runs to.

Skywalker puts his drink to his lips and he grimaces at the taste. You chuckled at his expression. "What is drinking also forbidden?"

"Not entirely"

"But you don't?" You pried. Skywalker does not answer.

Perhaps the act of his drinking was an attempt to spite the Order he holds with utmost importance. If they can lie to him, he can do this.

The bartender comes back to refill both your drinks.

"You Jedi, holy, righteous saints," You thought out loud. "Honestly, your denial of emotions is the reason why you're so susceptible to giving into them...in extreme amounts"

"Yeah?" Skywalker turns to face you with eyes narrowed, locking into yours. Wanting to defend his beliefs. "And you're so sure your Sith manners are superior to our constraint?"

"I'm not a Sith" You cringed at the thought.

Skywalker's head retorts. "But you're Dooku's apprentice"

"Doesn't mean I'd give in to his cruelty"

"So you're not a Sith, what are you?"

You scoffed a breathless laugh, what are you? who are you really?

You got caught by his gaze. For a moment, you felt like you were willing to talk to Skywalker nakedly. To let him in. His eyes seemed inviting enough to let you vent out.

But you looked away.

"The same as you" That much you could say, an elusive comparison. You took a slower sip of your drink. "Perfectly crafted weapons, targeted at the right people."

Skywalker's expression softens. You thought, there was some sort of understanding he contemplated on. He, the peacekeeper reduced into a hound dog for the Republic, and you, the oppressed become a warrior leaving bloodshed.

You place your glass down, deciding you've had enough for the night. The alcohol was supposed to make you forget for a moment, but it just made you feel like you wanted to ball up and cry.

"You're right, you know," Skywalker says after a while. "I don't agree that we should keep repressing our emotions"

You wondered if he'd been able to say that out loud to any of his Jedi accomplices before.

"It's not evil to use it." You shrugged.

"You give in to it because it's reliable, it delivers you results. Anger is not supposed to be antagonized, it's your mind communicating how it feels it has been wronged. How you act on it is what matters. Anger is... corrosive, as much as it is helpful" You recognized your words as some of what Count Dooku has taught you. Lessons you lived by, lessons that made you an effective force wielder.

You sadly thought about the many ways these lessons are now tainted with resentment. Because all of it had been for nothing. All of it had been to serve your master's interests, and he needed you to be his tool, his weapon.

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Skywalker raising a hand for the bartender to refill his drink.

"Did Dooku teach you that?" Skywalker's eyes were hooded, the intoxication manifested in his eyes. Everything else seems perfectly controlled, and you find yourself growing jealous of that, because now, your cheeks are warm, hands held tightly into fists, heart beating rapidly.

"You forget, he was once a Jedi, he was proudest of his padawan, Qui Gon Jinn"

Skywalker looks down as if he is remembering too "He was the best of us"

You're flooded with the many situations in which Dooku has made it clear you'd never be half as good as Qui Gon Jinn. "Indeed" You answered with a clipped voice.

"I think he realized the importance of acknowledging the presence of our emotions and how to act without being informed by it" Skywalker narrates. "It never meant much to me, I was too young to understand."

Then he smiles, but one out of a resignation. "I still don't know how to"

You mirrored his expression, surprised by the similarity you shared.

It's easier to imagine not giving in to rage when you're not nearly drowning in it. But it eats at your soul. It corrupts, and in the heat of the moment, it feels more cathartic to find a release by giving in to the destruction. At least, for you, your anger has always defined you. Why seek to control it when it is the only thing that can protect you? Maybe Qui Gon Jinn was really better than you, in that sense. Dooku has never really finished your training. He utilized the way you were an angry little thing.

"The answer must be in the attempt" You look up to Anakin.

It must have been the alcohol, but for one moment, you saw Anakin Skywalker smile with some sort of understanding.

The Bartender takes a long look before the both of you. "Your poisons not going to refill by itself you know" He had a sour expression you wanted to laugh at. "Pay up, then I'll leave 'ya to 'yer business"

"Oh, right, my companion here was just telling me how we'll pay you up" You raised both your wrists to Skywalker, to make it painfully obvious that you won't be able to use the force.

Skywalker's eyebrows knit when he realized what you were asking him to do.

"You don't also happen to have a spare room or two to stay for the night now, wouldn't you?" You quirked.

The Bartender eyes you both suspiciously. Skywalker sighs and raises his fingers, not taking his eyes off of you when he said "We're your guests and you'll give us a room to stay for the night"

You saw the idea sink to the Bartender, he nods and pours both your glasses. "Follow me" He smiles complacently.

"Thank you" You mouthed, taking your last shot and standing up to follow the bartender.

"I'm not sleeping on the floor" You crossed your arms as you stared at the singular bed in front of you.

Skywalker sighs almost imperceptibly. "Well, are you sure you don't have an other rooms left?" He turns to the Bartender who shakes his head profusely.

Skywalker's shoulder slumps, he walks towards the bed, tossing the pillow on the floor.

Skywalker shifts uncomfortably on the floor. "Good night" He mutters.

"Good night" You answered, sitting at the edge of the bed.

You wanted to tell him he can take the bed. You knew you're not going to sleep. The small voice festering your mind was commanding you to stay awake, to not lay vulnerable in a room with Anakin Skywalker.

He swore never to hurt you.

You can't entirely reason out the voice that remained. You can't hint that some part of you is still scared.

Not when Kenobi is apparently alive. You were anticipating he'd bring it up. The very reason you were working with him is because he wanted to avenge his master.

You relied on his grief for mercy, without it, you're not quite sure if you mattered to him anymore.

Will he turn me in? Will I live the rest of my days rotting in Coruscant?

But he did not abandon you tonight. Not yet.

Maybe he was too wounded by what the Jedi Council did to him to decide what your future will be like. It was odd, how you were discovering so many layers to Anakin Skywalker. It hadn't been so long ago when he was just a face you encountered on the battlefields of the war. Now, he feels more... real, it's quite unsettling.

To realize that even a Jedi, who is supposed to live by being of service to others, can act according to his grief. To see the chosen one lied to by the Council that was supposed to be nourishing him. To see yourself in his conflict, his anger, and his suffering. To have the bed when he's supposed to be hating on you.

You thought, perhaps you were more similar than you want to admit. He listens to your philosophies. And you don't like how he looks at you like he thinks you're still worth saving.

You won't allow him to know you. It will be an open invitation for humiliation.

In the morning, you'll have to meet with your inevitable faith.

The initial buzz of the alcohol died and you're only left with your heavy heart.

It kept bringing you back to the truth that Count Dooku, the closest thing you could've called a father, sent bounty hunters to ensure your death.

You were lost. There's nothing left to lose.

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footnote

writing the politics of star wars is so challenging as it is stimulating (bc if i'm taking account of the canonical setting, i think filoni has some bias from where he stands), this whole story began as a self-indulgent enemies to lovers fic, writing a background for a reader (which acts as my original character) whilst not really finding sense in the whole 'seperatists movement' is quite... the challenge 😄 though, i hope that i can establish a set of values for the reader character so she can be believable and worth rooting for.

anyway, it's not that serious 😭 i just want to make sure that the time you spend reading this is worth it esp since i'm planning a really painful slow burn (bc it's what gets me personally haha!). so thank you for the continued support and interest darlings🩷

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