#the wizard monologues

[buckkeeppostoffice]

web being like "ok wolf boy, you think if you stand perfectly still no one will see you?" after casually revealing he knows his true identity is so funny to me. he's like i see you fitzchivalry you can't hide from me 👁👁. truly the funniest possible response to fitz being fitz

#obsessed with web actually he's like if a wizard was a behavioural therapist and a diplomat #and fitz' internal monologue is always like 'web is acting like i'm an abused dog he's trying to befriend... and it's working' #you got this web! socialize that sad man! #fool's fate #tawny man trilogy #rote #realm of the elderlings #fitzchivalry farseer

[alaraxia]

mini me banner I made originally with the intention of using it for my ko-fi account, but I realized I don’t have the energy to keep something like that meaningfully updated, so now it’s just a general banner for my socials if I feel like it

#I do have a ko-fi I just don’t advertise it really because currently I’m not in need of extra financial help because job #like on one hand it would be great to make money off of making things I enjoy but on the other hand #I would feel beholden to the whims of supporters and feel the constant need to be making things I think they’d like #or things that would potentially make me more likeable and make me more money #so in that sense I think ultimately I’m a lot happier having a financially stable job and thus allowing myself to make things I want #decoupled from the expectation that they could be profitable and having my creativity tied to my ability to pay bills #I still have my inprnt shop tho where I put some of my bigger pieces and I appreciate the support of it #anyway this was not intended to be a monologue I just got carried away #capitalism is hell but drawing silly pictures of my OCs makes the weight feel just a bit lighter #go draw a silly picture of your OCs #digital art #also secrets the government doesn’t want you to know: you can just draw yourself as a lil elf wizard whenever you want #mini me

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, 3x50

Welcome back to the feature that no one asked for but everyone wanted, the Wizard Breakdown Tracker. As a reminder, in the context of Campaign 3 Caleb Widogast is an NPC and will be included, but we are sticking to wizards who have explicitly made an appearance in Campaign 3 AND are confirmed wizards. That's right: do not fucking @ me about Oremid Hass.

Caleb Widogast: the man, the myth, the non-werewolf himself. Dirt Wizard has become Dust Wizard. Anyway, let's consider the scenario. He's hanging out with Beau so that's good. He got to watch a bunch of dumb idiots take down a mecha, which I think he'd enjoy. He's tracking Ludinus Da'leth, his current greatest nemesis now that Trent's been rotting in prison (presumably? Ludinus did apparently break out but also Trent has the spicy collar for naughty wizards who bark too much at teen prodigies perma-glued to his neck. Plus it's been 7 years so maybe he just fucking died). However, it sounds like things went a little sideways in the Shadowfell, he's wearing a fucking high collar with a scarf in the desert which cannot be comfortable, and, as has been far more eloquently pointed out elsewhere, this is his only apogee solstice and he's spending it dealing with Ludinus's bullshit. Man is cranky. 6/10.

Planerider Ryn: well. she is currently a rock. technically there are benefits to this, but they do not outweigh the considerable drawbacks. 0/10 breakdown because she's unaware of anything happening, but I'm going to guess...7/10 on the mohs hardness scale?

Gus of the Green Seekers: This is all well above his pay grade. He's probably chilling out in Jrusar, trying to make it work with Ogdes. 2/10 because the paperwork sucks.

Tuldus: Is he dead or is he just trapped with Baryn and Ebenold in the fire plane? Unclear. Who cares! He is, as Ryn said, a fucking idiot, and I doubt he's been left to run free, and also, go to fucking therapy and leave everyone else alone, dipshit. 9/10.

Ludinus Da'leth: I must admit. I will hate to see him go; he's a fascinating villain and it's incredibly possible that he has been using the Cerberus Assembly for its entire existence as a wizard council body to try to kill the gods because of misplaced generational trauma, which is the sort of long-game elf wizard machinations I live for. With that said his plan sucks and is terrible and countless people would die for no reason. I suspect he's got a clue that Beau and Caleb are on his trail, and also, I bet he fucking hates this weather just as much as Caleb does, and the Feywild Key is leveled and the Shadowfell Key damaged and there's sand EVERYWHERE. 8/10. FINALLY, we've gotten under the skin of Exandria's smoothest wizard operator.

#ludinus but doing the sand monologue from the star wars prequels #critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker

[poorlittleyaoyao]

I'm now at the portion of CQL that overlaps with the volumes of the novel that I read last summer, and for all the nonsense brought by the combination of CQL's adaptation changes + reluctance to fully commit to them, I really and truly do prefer these iterations of the characters, especially WWX. I just watched the episode where JC catches him in Qinghe, and it had me chewing on the walls! The show's chronological storytelling let us see their relationship's intensity and tragic deterioration, and it delivers on making this confrontation EXTREMELY FRAUGHT for both of them. JC unleashes 16 years of unprocessed grief and anger as WWX tries his damnedest to avoid it, and the shadow of JYL's death looms over both of them. Even though the dialogue in the novel is nearly identical, the mutual urgency isn't there; JYL is never mentioned (beyond JC reminding WWX that he is the reason JL's parents are dead), and WWX himself has no emotional response whatsoever to any of it, save for an offhand mention that he was nostalgic for the Lotus Pier of his childhood. JC might as well be having an argument with an imaginary WWX in the shower. There's zero tension there. Information has to be revealed and withheld differently with the non-chronological story structure, of course, but there are ways to hint at a character being impacted by and reacting to past experiences without saying outright what those experiences are, and that is simply Not Happening sufficiently for me with anything involving WWX's platonic and familial relationships in the novel. And if you wanted more on the relationships between characters who aren't WWX? lol good luck!

#in fairness the novel DOES talk about JYL in that same chapter after WWX and JL part ways #but it's purely in the context of exposition--JYL was WWX's source of info for how he came to Lotus Pier #there's no consideration of JYL as a person (or even just of what she meant to the two brothers) at all #and then in the first two volumes GENERALLY there's no concern in WWX's inner monologue about anything else #not about WQ or the Wen remnants or how their deaths were accelerated by his accidental murder of JZX #the show drops the ball on that too but at least in the second episode WWX thinks about WQ and the Dafan Wen (before even seeing WN!) #and that's why I couldn't with the novel: either the narrative isn't as interested in the ramifications of all that as I am #or WWX himself doesn't give a shit #and neither bodes well for me having a good time! #masala necromancy wizard hour

[haaaaaaaaaaaave-you-met-ted]

Monologue Tax by Justine Cruz

#Magic the Gathering #MtG #MtGC21 #Strixhaven #Arcavios #Commander 2021 #Monologue Tax #Fantasy #Art #Justine Cruz #Wizards of the Coast

[icarussrancidart]

whatever you say man

#*gives a monologue about how i dont care about anyone from my bf's arms* #methinks the wizard doth protest too much #< which was ALMOST my caption. it was a runner up. #taagnus #taz #taako taaco #magnus burnsides #taz fanart #the zone cast #the adventure zone #digital art #uncolored #taz balance

[the-gnomish-bastard]

“Heed my warning, traveler! You enter the domain of the ancient lich Anporgath! Turn back, adventurers, for you may yet save your soul! You cannot cease our plans of-“

Sounds of whispering

“What do you mean Anporgath doesn’t care about the plan anymore? He made the plan.”

More whispering

“More important? What could be more important than dominating the wor-“

Even more whispering

“A girlfriend? He’s a lich! How the fuck did he get a girlfriend? And why would that stop him?”

Whispering, yet again

“He doesn’t spend enough time with her? He’s a lich, he’s got nothing but time! Goes against her ideals? Ok… well, how serious is the relationship? I mean, he could do a few things without her approval if it’s not that seri-“

Whisper

“9 years?! Sorry, adventurers, you should just leave, I need to figure some stuff out here. The evil plan is off, go tell people you won, I don’t care.”

Conjures a chair

“So why didn’t he ever tell me that he-“

#dumb shit #dumbass #shitpost #humor #unmatched stupidity #comedy #funny #i dont fucking know #dnd #dnd5e #dungeons and dragons #d&d #wizardposting #shadow wizard money gang #we love casting spells #wizard #wizard problems #lich #adventuring party #monologues

[essektheylyss]

Comparing the 18th and 20th level OneDND features between wizards and sorcerers like, "Oh, I get a couple of third level spells and can bop around 30 feet at a time, sure, great, but the cosmic nepo babies can have damage resistances, pass their injury off to someone else, and also get FREE WISH? With NO CONSEQUENCES? Tracks."

#you know this is also the wizard internal monologue lmfao #'study all this time for THIS and these fuckin nepo babies are out here just bending reality for kicks with no consequences.' #wizards deserve their hubris actually and we should all bully sorcerers more 😤 #this is FULLY a joke to be clear it's really funny actually #also the new wizard features SLAP actually. give me memorize spell and modify spell RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW. #i did try to nudge my DM into letting me take academic for a spin and was shot down lol #which really doesn't matter cuz I've got advantage where i would use it anyway lol. and theres always portebt. #*portent #also i know you can take a different epic boon but it's about the dichotomy here

[ecstarry]

Reg in my fic 💀

The pen and paper in my desk taunt me. I can’t believe I’m about to draft a text, but I don’t think I’m secure enough to do otherwise at the moment. After much deliberation, I finally craft the perfect message.  How have you been?

#yes this is regulus inner monologue #srry babes im projecting in the fic #youll be okay he already likes you so much #regulus black #marauders #gay dead wizards #barty crouch jr #jegulus #james potter #bartylus

[bingobongobonko]

awkward social blunder today. i am seemingly non sequitur and strange. goodnight.

#fool's monologue #the day ends at 1 pm #why am i like this? i think i mean well #im sure i do #but my god am i awkward with strangers #i made a silly little quip that i would cast a spell for someones health and they were like ?????? #and i realized thats not a normal thing to say so i tried to explain #and now i sound awkward #i swear im not a wizard i want to be. im saying it as like. a silly little way of me saying things will get better i hope #but it didnt come off right so it came off as non sequitur and awkward and clunky #i think they think im weird now #smoking cigarette sadly in the window pane with the lights off.

[auditionsuggestions]

Do you have any 1 minute comedic monologue suggestions for someone auditioning for Dorthy in The Wizard of Oz?

This one or this one from St. Valentine's Day have a very Dorothy cadence to me. Lucy's monologue from The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe may serve you well, too. Break a leg!

#musical theatre #broadway #audition suggestions #monologue #contemporary monologue #The Wizard of Oz

[emeraldcity1900]

there’s a community theatre doing wizard of Oz. does anyone know any good monologues for girls that would be appropriate for that?

#I haven’t auditioned for one of these in a long time because they usually picked the older kids #And also because I always picked the most inappropriate monalouges #I audition for Alice in wonderland with a Monologue from the diary of Anne frank. #So yeah #I could use some help. #Wizard of oz #theatre #auditions

[jesteraunt]

I BEAT MALENIA ON MY 43RD ATTEMPT LETS GOOO

#jesters monologues #im bad at this game but it was fun. still havent beaten my number of morgott attempts though #(45 attempts) #im love being a wizard

[grayintogreen]

Fun LitMoR fact! Danoth’s Visor’s best perk is PERPETUAL see invisibility, meaning that every time Miriam scries on the Nein, she’s activating Lucien’s trap card.

#and that trap card is ‘invoke creepy monologue’ #he doesn’t even know who Miriam IS #and it’s like me??? pass off antagonizing a wizard??? #life in the margins of redemption

[mochapanda]

i was listening to a video essay today while driving around doing errands about how mental disorders are socially constructed bc even our reality is socially constructed and idk why but i kept thinking about how so many characters in adventure time would be labeled dysfunctional or mentally disabled in our awful individualistic capitalist society but bc the world of adventure time is so fucking weird and their society is so fucking weird they can all just kind of chill. some characters are even just incredibly clear allegories for very specific things (neddy, ice king, hell id argue lsp) like finn can barely last 20 minutes in a classroom and all pb says is "well at least hes street smart" there is no 504 plan no forced work ethic he needs to learn hes just allowed to fucking exist and he then becomes INCREDIBLY emotionally intelligent just by learning from other people and his experiences naturally. dude has fucking adhd and no one gives a shit bc it just. doesnt matter bc he has unconditional support anyway. he spends WEEKS hyperfixating in a dungeon after his break up with flame princess bc its the only thing that makes sense to his brain at the time, and jake ALLOWS him to stay (for weeks) after knowing he'll be able to come back bc its finns way of getting his mind back on track. in football bmo completely changes in personality and ends up having multiple freakouts/meltdowns and jake just kind of sits down next to him and says its okay to feel "donked up" in your head or heart, and even after (from finn and jakes point of view) bmo just randomly smashes up glassware theyre just super worried. bmo (and football) are able to process whatever the hells going on with them in their own way, and everyone just kind of moves on. like it doesnt even matter whether or not this was an elaborate pretend game or a metaphor for something deeper bc EITHER WAY bmo has a loving family that doesnt force him to adhere to a rigid social norm, and they only step in when he starts breaking stuff worrying hed get himself hurt (would also like to mention no violence is involved by finn or jake the entire ep, bmo simply sits on a stool with a traffic cone on his head for smashing their bathroom mirror) i could legit talk about ice king's redemption for weeks but my point is literally that considering being a homosexual was considered a mental illness like 50 years ago who the fuck knows what will still be an illness or disorder in the future. we have no way of knowing what our society could look like at any point in time and adventure time actually kind of proves this theory that any mental deviation is made up societal bullshit

#even the madness of wizards is normalized to an extent #finn has a whole monologue in blank eyed girl about the concept of 'creepiness' being a mind shield to protect from things that remind ppl #of themselves that they arent comfortable with like i think they know what theyre fucking doing too #im gonna bookmark this in case i decide to write an essay do you think my psychology teacher would accept this

[captorcorp]

magolor :)

#kcat talks #the absolute character of all time #hes a catboy. hes a wizard. you can cook him into a fried egg. he has an awesome boat. #he makes puns. he gets sent to superhell and fights his way back out to do microtransactions. he owns disneyland #his theme park is covered with his face. you can go to merry magoland and order the magolor burger #and the look on the cashier waddle dee's face will be normal #if you buy all of his microtransactions post-redemption arc he'll quote his villain monologue at you bc he's sorry but not That sorry #he talks like an animal crossing character crossed with a squeaky toy #his ears have jiggle physics #he is so funny to me and i have been mentally rotating him for months now fhskfhs #i am waiting so patiently for that one gimmick blog to get to my request of putting him in a blender #oh yeah also that post about characters that people draw like theyre going to be displayed on the sistene chapel. they do that to him too