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#thinking back on it now this series was like the extreme kind of found family and really no wonder i loved it huh
thelov3lybookworm · 8 months
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I Didn't Ask For This (part two)
Part 1
Summary: Marriage had always been something sacred to little Y/n, something dream like, where her husband would come and whisk her away to a fairyland. At least, that's what she had always thought.
All her dreams would be shattered.
But maybe she can salvage them?
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A/n: Okay so ya'll, I expected people to like this series, but I didn't think it would be liked this much. So thank you soo much to all of you for reading this, or anything that I write. It really motivates me and gives me immense joy.
Okay so all of that aside, please enjoy.
Tw: forced marriage, azzie kind of beginning to become an asshole(obviously, he's been forced), none more that I can think of, so please let me know if I need to add anything.
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Rhysand's pov.
As everyone stared on, the High Lord's eyes flitted between Azriel and the girl in front of the dais, wondering what the hell was going on. But then his eyes sharpened, landing on the hand that the girl –Y/n, as he'd been told by her father– was clutching to her chest. There, on her ring finger of her left hand, was a glowing tattoo of a bargain struck, about to be fulfilled. It encircled the finger, as if a drawing of a ring.
His eyes narrowed. It was familiar. Then it clicked.
Azriel.
He glanced to Azriel, whose left hand had an identical tattoo.
He'd once asked Azriel about it, but he wouldn't tell Rhys what it was for. Now Rhys knew.
Before things could escalate, he ordered the girl, her father and the inner circle to proceed to a meeting room nearby to discuss this matter.
In a matter of moments, they were entering the meeting room. Rhysand pulled Azriel aside before he could enter.
"What is this about Az?" He asked, in his high Lord's voice.
He didn't reply, staring at him flatly. Rhys decided to try and see the his memories, knocking on the walls of Az's mind. He didn't budge for a good few moments. Then he sighed and let his walls down.
When Rhys pulled out, he was horrified, wanting nothing more than to tear the girl's father to shreds. He didn't understand why Azriel didn't want to tell him about it, but he didn't question it. After all, he knew all about wanting to hide some things from his family.
When he finally entered with Az in tow, he found everyone seated around the table, Y/n standing behind her father, her shoulders curved inward, constantly glancing at the nearest shadows, as if she wanted to melt into the them. Then his eyes landed on her father, and the urge to crush his brain arose.
This was going to be an interesting meeting.
•○🌑○•
Y/n's pov.
The table was far too away from the wall for her to go and stand in the shadows. Extremely inconvenient.
"Y/n?" Her head whipped to the High Lord, finding everyone staring at her. That was when she realised that he had been calling her for quite some time now. Blood rushed onto her face, and she bowed her head. "Why don't you sit?"
She glanced at her father, his jaw clenched. She shook her head, shifting on her feet.
"I told you so many times that she doesn't want to sit, my Lord." Her father said, to which the High Lord narrowed his eyes, but thankfully, he didn't say anything.
"Care to explain what happened back there?" The beautiful, blonde lady in a red gown questioned, her brows raised.
Her father said nothing, his chin lifting. He would not answer to a female. Y/n's stomach clenched.
This female probably held more power than her father could even dream of, and certainly, this would not end well if he continued doing this.
"She asked you a question, and I expect you to answer." The High Lord said, his power whipping around the room.
Her father paled, finally answering. "They had promised to marry each other, and because she was about to leave, the bargain's magic worked."
Everyone's eyes flew to the Illyrian standing next to the Lord of Bloodshed.
"And when was this promise made?" He asked, looking directly at Y/n. She blinked, taken aback. Her father opened his mouth, but the General spoke again. "I didn't ask you."
Her father bristled, snapping at her. "Answer."
"When– when he was still at his father's house."
"You mean to tell me, that you struck a bargain when you were a kid?" The female with grey eyes, her hair coiled around her head and sitting next to the general said.
Y/n nodded, glancing at her father.
"Of your own will?" The High lady asked gently. Y/n hesitated before she shook her head, her eyes flitting momentarily to her father, who stared at the table in front of him.
Everyones jaw dropped.
Then Y/n finally, finally glanced at Azriel. His arms were folded across his chest, staring at a far wall. Then, as if he felt her gaze, his eyes met hers. And, she didn't know what she was hoping for, but it definitely wasn't the hatred shining in those hazel orbs.
He hates me.
That was her first thought. But how could he? It wasn't as if she forced him into this. She was as helpless as he was.
Her father stood suddenly, making her step back. He had been speaking while she stared at Azriel, tuning everything else out.
"So, my Lord, are we settled on the fact the they will marry in an hour?" Y/n's head whipped towards her father, who bowed to the High Lord when he nodded.
Her heart stopped in her chest. This could not be happening.
She looked around frantically, hoping, praying she heard him wrong. But the grim faces of the Inner Circle around her told her that her prayers were in vain.
She felt a gentle hand on her elbow then, finding the High Lady standing there. She tilted her head towards the door.
"It would give us immense joy if you would let us help you dress up."
Y/n said nothing, a numbness spreading through her. She quietly followed the High lady and the women of the Inner Circle out the door, not seeing or hearing anything.
I'm going to be married today.
•○🌑○•
Some time later, when the blonde female was styling her hair, Y/n finally spoke. She been quiet for the last hour, not paying attention to anything happening around her.
"Is– is there no other option?" Her voice broke on the last word, and she took a deep breath to calm herself. Everyone quieted. Now that she actually thought about it, there were three women in the chamber. The High Lady, the one that Y/n presumed was her sister, and the blonde beauty.
"I'm sorry." The High Lady said. "There's nothing we can do. But maybe we can be friends now?" She asked with a gentle smile. Y/n tried to smile and nod, but the smile was wobbly.
The door flung open, making her jump. A relief spread through her when she saw her brother, Alexander, walk in. He stopped short at the sight of the other females, hastily bowing.
Y/n couldn't stand fast enough, tripping over her gown in her urgency to reach him. He pulled her to him without hesitation, rubbing her back as she finally let the tears flow. The numbness receded, an ache starting in her chest as he murmured reassurances in her ear.
When she pulled away after cauldron knew how long, he pushed her hair back from her face. She realised the room was empty, save for Velda, who was staring at a painting, her face set in stone. She hadn't realised Velda would be here as well.
Out of the two of her older siblings, Velda was the oldest, Alex bing the second born. Velda never cared much for her sister, or atleast that's what Y/n thought. But that changed on night when she overheard a conversation between Velda and their father. She was twenty then and her father had given her a beating for supposedly disturbing him by speaking too loud.
Y/n was walking to her room when she heard raised voices coming from her father's study. She slowed down and then stopped when she heard her name.
"She isn't an animal that you can do anything to! You can't keep hurting her like that!" Y/n's body locked up hearing Velda speak for her.
"Are you done yet? My ears are hurting." Her fathers voice was nonchalant.
"I will never stop speaking for her." And then a loud crack was heard. Y/n flinched, knowing what had happened. A few moments later, her sister stepped out, her eyes lined with silver. That was the first time Y/n had ever seen Velda cry, and she had never been more furious at her father. Velda glanced at her younger sister before walking away, her back straight.
And after that day, Velda didn't try to hide her contempt for their father, arguing with him whenever he was in a bad mood and tried to hit Y/n while Alex stood off in the corner holding Y/n.
While Alex was a very warm person and always comforted Y/n after a particularly bad outburst of their father, he could never speak up in front of him. And even though Velda was cold towards everyone, Y/n knew she cared a little too much for her own good.
"Ve–Velda?" Y/n mumbled, hesitantly stepping towards her sister. When she got a closer look at her, she was shocked and speechless.
Because Velda, was crying.
Strong, brave Velda. The one who didn't even bat an eyelash when she was told that she'd be married to someone against her will. That Velda, was now crying. Just because her sister was suffering the same fate as hers.
Her nose was red, her cheeks flushed, and tears streamed down them nonstop. Alex nudged Y/n's shoulder, bringing her out of her trance, finally setting her moving. She tentatively touched Velda's arm, making her look at Y/n. More tears streamed down her face as her eyes moved over her baby sister's face.
And then she did something that Y/n never thought she would. Velda pulled her into a hug.
Y/n stood frozen for a second, and them the tears came again as she wrapped her arms around Velda, crying into her shoulder.
She could barely hear anything other than her heart pounding in her ears as well as their mixed sobbing, but she did hear faint apologies coming from Velda.
Somehow, sometime later they ended up on the ground, leaning against each other with Alex just next to Y/n, stroking her hair.
"I wish I could do something." Velda rasped.
Y/n shook her head, taking a deep breath. The door creaked open, and the blonde beauty– Morrigan, as she had introduced herself– poked her head in, her eyes filled with sympathy and understanding.
"I'm so sorry, but it's time." Y/n nodded, straightening and going to stand when Velda stopped her.
"You don't have to go through this, we'll try to find another way."
Y/n shook her head. "There is no other way Velda." As the three of them stood, she turned to her sister and clasped her hands. "I'll make sure to make the most of this. I might have been forced into this, but I'll go there on my own."
Her sister cleared her throat. "Also... I'm pregnant."
Y/n gasped. "Really? I'm sure you'll be an amazing mother." She squealed. "I hope he will be a good father too."
Velda nodded. "I never let him in, but these past few weeks he has started to seem...nice? Now that I actually talked to him, I feel like he is a really good person. I think he will be a better father than ours."
"Does he know?"
"Yes. He was quite exited."
Y/n smiled and all of them made their way to the room where the wedding would take place with only the Inner Circle and her family present.
As they walked, her resolve hardened.
She wasn't a criminal, and she had nothing to do with this. Azriel's hatred was misplaced, and she would either make him stop hating her, or she'd return it tenfold. She knew which she wanted, and knew which she might have to do.
This was a battleground and she a warrior. She'll walk into this with her head held high, it didn't matter if she came out victorious or not.
Hazel eyes met her as she appeared in the doorway.
She would keep her promise promise Velda. And make the most of this inconvenient situation.
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Taglist: @bubybubsters @maxxieluvs @bubbbllee @buckyandgeraltsupremacy @waytoomanyteenagefeels @tell-me-a-poem @the-lake-is-calling @spaxxxi
I can't tag the ones with a strike through I'm so sorry.
Part 3
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fandomxpreferences · 11 months
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Two Lines, Two Idiots Chapter Four: Way Down We Go
Series Masterlist
Pairing: Twin Brother JJ! x Maybank! Reader, rafe Cameron! x maybank!reader (all over 18)
TW:pregnancy, angst, mentions of throwing up, panic attack, mentions of abuse and trauma, fluff, I think thats it
Summary: You and Rafe are in for the shock of a lifetime, and tensions run high when Rafe discovers the two of you have more in common than he thought.
Word Count:4.4k
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Nerves claw at your throat as you sit in the sterile chair, the stench of rubbing alcohol and bleach singeing your nose hairs. Just as promised, Rafe is right beside you, his hand clammy in yours as you both prepare to see your baby for the first time. 
The first available appointment was almost two weeks out, and sitting on this secret has not been an easy feat. Everybody has been fawning over you since they found out; Jj will barely let you go to the bathroom alone. 
Things have seemed to cool off, and despite everyone's initial chagrin, Rafe has practically been living at the chateau. Much to everybody's astonishment, he's been extremely attentive. 
He holds your hair back as morning sickness tears through your body, which had been laughable to Sarah. She remembers one time when they were kids that she had gotten a stomach bug, and Rafe had been equally miserable seeing as every time she threw up, it triggered him as well. 
She was expecting Rafe to at least gag, but for some unknown reason, he didn't even flinch. He just rubbed your back and brought you water before carrying you back to bed. 
Your thoughts are interrupted when the door opens, and a kind-looking older woman walks in. 
"Good afternoon, Ms. Maybank. I'm Dr. Wilson. How are you feeling today?"
Her voice is soothing, a practiced softness that reminds you of a lullaby. It washes over you in relaxing waves, and you feel your muscles unclench the slightest bit. 
"Nervous." 
You give her a shy smile and she returns the gesture while making her way over. 
"I assume this is your first?"
You give a short nod and her smile widens. 
"You're the father, correct?"
Her attention is on Rafe now, and his eyes widen slightly when he realizes she's talking to him. 
"Uh, yes ma'am. Rafe."
She turns to the monitor and you look at him with raised eyebrows. 
Ma'am?
You mouth it silently and he shrugs his shoulders with a bewildered look while mouthing back I don't fucking know! You shake your head and stifle a laugh, your attention being drawn back to the doctor when she speaks. 
"Okay, if you can lift your shirt we'll take a look. The gel may be a little cool, but it'll only last a second."
You comply silently, tensing up a bit when the gel hits your skin that's still sizzling from the scorching sun. Rafe's hand squeezes yours and you tighten your grip when the wand touches your exposed skin. 
It feels like your heart is going to beat out of your chest when the screen pops up, and the doctor takes a second to find what she's looking for. Before you know it, there's a white blob on the screen and your breath is sucked out from your lungs. 
Tears sting your waterline as you look at yours and Rafe's baby, and you catch the end of a sniffle from where he's sitting. 
"Looks like you're about 11 weeks, so almost into your second trimester." 
You stay silent, completely enamored with the little human that's bobbing around. They're tiny still but resemble a person more than you thought they would with little arms and legs flailing about.
The doctor freezes for a moment before regaining her composure, but you still noticed. Your head whips to look at her, and you frown when you see she looks perplexed. 
You're just about to ask if everything is okay when she beats you to it. 
"Do twins run in your family?"
If there were six words in the English language that could make your blood turn to ice, it would be that sentence. You look at the ground, half expecting to see your stomach sitting there. 
"Um, I'm a twin and so was my mom. Why?"
Rafe's grip has loosened significantly, and if you weren't so close to hyperventilating you would have paid more attention to it. 
"Well, it looks like your genes run strong. Congratulations!"
The world stops spinning as blood rushes in your ears, and you can feel the color drain from your face. You're not sure what about your reaction makes her think this is something to celebrate, but you can't find the strength to ask. 
You're broken out of your stupor when Rafe's hand slips from yours and you hear a thump. You turn to face him with wide eyes, only to find your support system passed out cold. 
"Oh for the love of God."
It comes out as a mutter, and you momentarily forget the cause of his reaction as you slip into girlfriend mode. You move to stand, but the doctor's hand stops you at the last second. 
"You're not looking too hot yourself, honey. Why don't you stay sitting? I've already paged a couple nurses, this happens more often than you might think."
You follow her instructions and watch as two nurses come in with Gatorade and an ice pack. They maneuver Rafe back into his chair, and after a couple of minutes, he comes around. 
His eyes blink open slowly, and he scowls when he sees the two women standing over him. 
"What's going on? Is everything okay?"
You bite the inside of your cheek to stop from laughing and reach for his hand again. 
"You fainted, Rafe." 
Another laughs bubbles up from your chest as his face and ears flush crimson, his expression nothing short of mortified. 
"Oh."
The nurses make the two of you stay for a bit, forcing both of you to drink the Gatorade and checking your vitals until they're sure you're both okay to leave. You walk to his truck with the sonogram safely tucked into your bag, your hands laced together as you cross the parking lot.
He opens the door and helps you up before rounding the front and climbing into the driver's seat. It's silent for a moment, both of you trying to process the new information before Rafe speaks up. 
"They're all gonna shit bricks when they find out." 
There's a beat, and the two of you burst into hysterics. You wipe the tears off your cheeks and take a deep breath to calm down before rolling your head to the side to look at him. 
"About that, I was thinking we don't tell them."
You almost lose it again as he gives you the most alarmed look you've ever seen before continuing. 
"I mean, not yet. Obviously, we have to tell them. I was just thinking we could keep it between us for a bit."
You can see him processing the idea before nodding slowly. 
"Okay, yeah sure. We're not gonna be able to hide it for long though. You're gonna be huge." 
Your mouth gapes open at his statement and you see the exact moment he wishes he could suck the words back into his mouth. 
"No, I don't mean- I just- shut up." 
He sighs dramatically and you chuckle as he starts driving, his right hand seated comfortably on your thigh.
"Are we still on for lunch with your dad and Rose?"
It's a question you're hoping to change the answer to, but you know you'll have no such luck. The air in the truck thickens and you feel Rafe's grip tighten on your leg. 
"Yeah. We're headed straight there." 
You purse your lips and nod, trying to fight back the tears threatening to fall. Stupid pregnancy and its stupid fucking hormones. 
"Does he know I'm coming?"
Rafe audibly swallows, and you can tell his answer makes him physically ill. 
"No."
You take a deep breath, willing your pulse to slow and Rafe gives you a sympathetic look. 
"I know, baby. I'm sorry."
You shake your head, glossing over the pet name, and kiss his cheek.
"It's okay, I get it."
The rest of the ride is dangerously quiet, save the quiet hum of the radio and salty air blowing in through the windows. You watch as the houses turn from worn down to mansions, and do your best to regulate your breathing as you creep further and further into Figure eight. 
Closer and closer to Tannyhill. 
A single tear escapes as he turns into the long driveway, and his heart drops when he parks and looks over at your terrified face. 
"Hey, it's gonna be okay. I'm right here." 
His voice is light like summer rain as his hand comes up to wipe your cheek. He climbs out and comes over to open your door, almost having to carry you when your knees wobble. He gives you a second to find your footing and wraps his arm around your waist protectively as he leads you to the door. 
He walks straight in and hesitates for a second before leading you into the dining room. Ward and Rose are already seated, their gazes turned downward as they talk. 
"Rafe, son, right on ti-"
The words die on Ward's tongue as he looks up and meets your gaze, a mixture of confusion and anger swirling in his eyes that you notice resemble Rafe's. You briefly wonder if your kids will inherit the same striking blue irises before shaking the thought out of your head.
His eyes dart to his son's arm around you before landing on Rafe, fury clear on his face. If he's already mad, you can't imagine how it's gonna go when he finds out why you're really here.
You consider just making a run for it; maybe fleeing the country and changing your name. You don't get the opportunity as Rafe pulls out a chair, and you hesitantly take a seat. Ward remains eerily still, and you can't help the tremors that violently wrack your body. 
You're suddenly reminded of your own father; the way he would stare you down as an intimidation tactic before lunging. It causes fear to crawl up your spine and you try your damdest to stave off the panic attack you can feel rearing its ugly head. 
Rafe doesn't know about your home life growing up, and you're not very keen on explaining it right now. He seems oddly at ease, leaning back in his chair with his legs spread as if it's any average day.
You think maybe for him it is; you've heard the whispers about how Ward is behind closed doors.
"Why is she here?" 
The disgust dripping from Ward's voice causes you to shrink back, memories of Luke ruthlessly flashing in your mind at the familiar tone. 
The Rafe sitting beside you is a completely different man than the one that you've seen every day for two weeks, and it makes your head spin. His normally ocean blue eyes are dark and stormy, the open demeanor he always has with you closed off and guarded with barbed wire.
To the untrained eye, he looks calm and collected; but you've spent enough time with him to know he's anything but. 
"For lunch."
His tone has a cruel bite to it, and your eyes widen slightly. What the hell is he doing? This is going to be bad enough without him trying to bait his father. 
Ward scoffs humorlessly before leaning forward, and you recognize the look before the fangs come out. 
"I know that you didn't bring a Maybank into my house with the intention of telling me you're dating her." 
Rafe appears unphased to his father, but you don't miss the way his jaw clenches at the implication that you're not worthy of being here. Being with him.
"So what if I did?"
It has a mocking inflection, and you want nothing more than for the ground to open you up and swallow you whole. 
"Rafe."
You recognize the dangerous warning tone, and close your eyes trying to imagine yourself anywhere but here.
"Don't worry, Dad. That's not the news. Not all of it at least."
Your eyes shoot open again at the statement, trying to figure out if your ears are playing tricks on you. Did Rafe just admit in a roundabout way that you're dating? That's news to you. 
Ward stays silent, and you can't help but notice the way his hands are clenched tight enough to turn his knuckles white.
You grab Rafe's hand with a death grip, a silent plea not to continue. You're not ready to do this, and the timing is wrong. Arguably lethal. 
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
Based on the venom dripping from his words, you have a feeling he's already started to catch on and you know the ship has already sailed. You wonder if pretending to pass out would stop it, but at this point, you're fairly certain they'd fist-fight over your limp body.
"Surprise, she's pregnant."
Turns out you might not have to pretend to faint because the way your breathing has shortened and darkness is rimming your sight tells you you're about to lose consciousness for real.
You send up a thank you to whoever stopped Rafe from tacking 'with twins' onto the end of his sentence and brace yourself to hit the floor. 
You vaguely register the sound of a chair scraping against the hardwood floor, when suddenly Rafe is directly in front of you with your face in his hands. It seems he finally noticed you swaying in your seat and snapped out of his rage-fueled daze. 
"Hey, hey. Y/N, baby, breathe for me. Can you do that?" 
His words are muffled as your hearing starts to go, and he places your hand on his chest to ground you. You try to focus on the steady thumping of his heart and the slow rhythmic breaths he's taking, attempting to pull yourself back from the edge. 
Your body seems to take over for you, matching your breathing to his as you slowly but surely come to your senses. The first thing you hear is Ward screaming profanities and insults, and your eyes shift to look at him behind Rafe. 
He shakes his head and squeezes your cheeks, forcing you to meet his gaze. 
"Hey, focus on me okay? I'm gonna get you out of here."
Before you can register what's happening, you're scooped into Rafe's arms as he carries you away from the sound of breaking glass and flipping tables. 
You zone out Ward's yelling, your arms wrapped tightly around Rafe's neck as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear. 
Time seems to move at warped speed as he practically runs to his truck, and he buckles you in before clambering to his side and speeding off. 
"Why would you do that? I know that's why we went there, but that could not have gone worse."
The quiver in your voice surprises you, and you try to pinpoint when you started crying. 
He runs his hand over his head as he drives to the chateau, the familiar feeling of regret consuming him. 
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't think clearly around him, and it brings out the worst in me." 
He sounds on the verge of tears, and for the life of you, you can't bring yourself to stay mad. You understand how that feels, far more intimately than he realizes.
"I forgive you."
It comes out as a whisper and Rafe breathes a sigh of relief as he parks in front of the chateau. 
"What was that about back there? I've seen you panic before, but never to the point of completely disassociating and almost passing out."
His voice is dripping with concern, and it causes a fresh round of tears to start. 
"It's nothing, don't worry about it."
Rafe tilts his head to the side and blinks slowly, honestly shocked that you would try to play it off. 
"Don't do that. Don't pretend like that was normal. I know trauma when I see it." 
Your eyes squeeze shut as you lean your head back, and you know you're gonna have to tell him. You're just deciding how much to divulge. 
"Y/N. You're the mother of my children and my girl. You just saw how my dad is, so honestly there's nothing you can say that will scare me off."
His heart breaks in its cage as you look over, and in that moment all he sees is a scared little girl. 
"I'm your girl?" 
He gives you a pointed look and pokes your nose to try and lighten the mood.
"Don't change the subject."
You take a deep breath and prepare to tell him everything. 
"It's a long story." 
He reaches out to brush a stray hair behind your ear, and the tenderness in his eyes is almost enough to send you into a full breakdown. 
"I have time."
You lean into his touch and whimper, truly not wanting to tell him your deepest darkest secret. It's locked away in a box, and if it was up to you, it'd stay there forever.
"My uh- my dad." 
It's all you can muster for a moment and you can see the gears turning in Rafe's head. He stays silent, rubbing his thumb along your cheek as an encouragement to continue.
"The shorter version is he became really abusive after my mom left. Always drinking and gambling. He made us give him all our money for drugs and debts. JJ got the worst of it, but when he was too far gone he would say I reminded him of her and take it out on me."
You wait with bated breath as he processes, and you can see his expression darken as your words settle in. 
"It's fine, though! I'm okay, now. It's just that Ward had the same look and tone, and it sent me into a spiral."
You try desperately to backpedal, already wishing you could take it back. You've never seen Rafe look so pained as he pulls you over the center console into his lap, his hand pressing your face into the crook of his neck. 
"Baby, that's not fine. Nothing about that is fine. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and you're safe now, but you're not okay."
You feel your resolve crumble at his last statement, and against your will, you shatter. The carefully constructed wall you built comes crashing down, and an entire lifetime of pain and repressed feelings come tumbling out. 
Rafe knows as soon as you gasp in a breath that it's coming, and his arms tighten to pull you impossibly closer as you fall apart. You cling to him like your life depends on it, and Rafe does his best to keep it in check for you. 
He can't stop the tears that flow freely upon seeing you so fragile and broken, and he's hit with the realization that maybe kooks and pogues aren't all that different. 
At least he had a stable roof over his head, and food on the table. Ward had his moments, but he never blatantly beat him. He had hobbies and shiny things to distract him, but what did you have? 
He thinks he understands now why the bond between pogues is so strong; you're truly all each other has. He hates the image of you so small and defenseless, and if he knows you, then he knows you probably tried to protect JJ with everything you had. 
The image makes him sick; two kids clinging to each other and just trying to make it out alive. You take a deep breath and try to speak despite your burning throat. 
"It wasn't that bad when we were kids. But once we were old enough to take it, it just never seemed to stop. How can you do that to your children?"
The words are strained as you continue sobbing and Rafe swears his heart is in a blender. He can't imagine what you must be feeling; especially now that you're about to have twins of your own. 
"Hey, I'm right here. You know we're gonna be better parents than them right? These kids are gonna have so many people to love and spoil them, they won't even know what to do. They'll never feel how we did." 
His quiet reassurances seem to do the trick as your breathing starts to calm down, and he does his best to convince himself of his own words.
He sees so much of his father in himself; would he even know if he's walking the same path before it's too late?
As if you read his mind, you sit back and stare into his eyes. 
"You know you're not your father, right?"
His heart flutters when you reach up and wipe his tears, so loving and attentive despite your own crisis. 
"How do you know?"
It's a sobering and painfully vulnerable question, and he's taken aback at the raw honesty and love in your eyes. Has that always been there?
"Because, Rafe, the fact you're even thinking about it means you're already a good dad. Shitty parents don't worry about how they're fucking up their kids. You're gonna take everything that was given to you and use it to be better. I know it."
He doesn't know how you can see so much good in him when the world has only ever seen evil. He can't understand how despite your upbringing, you still managed to stay so kind and never let it change your heart.
He just stares for a moment, really taking in just how breathtaking you are. Not just your appearance, but who you are. If it was anyone else, he would be scared shitless and would probably run in the other direction. 
He would throw money at the problem, and he certainly wouldn't be cramped into the cab of his truck baring his soul. But this is you, and he knows this is where he's meant to be. He would never want to do this with anyone else. 
In a span of two weeks, his life has been turned upside down; and yet he's the most content he's ever been. It's then that he's struck like a lightning bolt, and he crashes his lips against yours. 
"Be my girlfriend."
He murmurs the words in between kisses, and you freeze in place. He said it with such conviction that you don't even think to ask if he's serious.
"What?"
You think you must be hallucinating now, but that suspicion is erased when he repeats himself. 
"Be my girlfriend. I don't know about you, but I don't see myself moving on from you. So please, don't make me try."
You pull back and look at him like a deer caught in headlights, unsure how to respond. No way in hell is this your life. 
"Rafe.."
He shakes his head frantically and brings his hand up to cup your jaw.
"I know it's sudden. Well, not really because we've been sleeping together for six months but you know what I mean. I know a lot has happened today, and if you need time then I'll wait. But think about the four of us together, a happy family creating the life we never had."
You cut him off with a bruising kiss and nod slowly. 
"Yes, Rafe. Yes, I want that with you."
You laugh when he does a mini fist pump, and slap his arm playfully. Your eye catches movement and you turn to look toward the house with a frown. 
Your face contorts into amusement when you see your friends tripping over each other as they try to duck behind a tree and pretend like they weren't snooping.
"We have an audience." 
You can't help the laugh you let out, and you don't bother climbing back over the passenger seat. You swing the driver-side door open and tumble out, nearly face-planting, before Rafe catches your waist. 
You smile up at him sheepishly, and he tsks. 
"You have to be more careful, baby. You're carrying precious cargo."
You amble over to the group with a fake scolding glare, and they shrink back under your gaze.
"So?"
Sarah is the first to speak, and you almost cackle at the gleam in her eyes as she bounces on the balls of her feet. 
"We're together." 
You and Rafe say it at the same time and throw your head back with laughter as cheers erupt. 
JJ and John B yell out at the same time, and it almost causes you to double over. 
"I knew it!"
"Called it!"
John B turns to Kie with his hand out and she groans loudly. 
"You owe me twenty bucks."
Your mouth drops open as you lean back into Rafe's chest with mock offense. 
"You had a bet?!"
John B scoffs as he pockets the money and turns to face you. 
"Oh, like you wouldn't."
You all make your way into the house and plop on the couches, Rafe's arm snugly wrapped around your shoulder as you curl into him. 
"How's the little nugget?"
JJ knocks his knee into yours and you face him with a beaming smile. 
"Good. Everything is perfectly normal and I'm 11 weeks."
His hand comes out to stroke your barely bulging stomach and he gives it a fist bump. 
"That's what I like to hear. When do you find out what you're having? I need to know whether to buy a pink or blue dirt bike."
You roll your eyes at his antics and place your hand on your belly. 
"At the next appointment in a month."
Sarah squeals and you already know you're in for a painful amount of shopping. 
"If it's a boy you're naming him JJ, right?"
Rafe hums behind you, a teasing smile breaking out across his face. 
"Actually, we were thinking RJ for Rafe Junior."
You whip around to face him with horror and scrunch up your face. 
"Absolutely not."
He tickles your sides and you shriek, accidentally falling into JJ as you try to flee his attack. 
"I'm just kidding, princess. We haven't discussed names yet."
John B reaches over and ruffles your hair as you groan. 
"Just don't name them something stupid. The last thing I need is my niece or nephew being bullied." 
JJ snorts and leans back, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 
"If they're gonna get bullied, it's gonna be for having a loser as a mom." 
You gasp dramatically and swing a pillow into his face as he laughs loudly, and everyone joins. You settle back into Rafe when he presses a sweet kiss to your temple and lace your fingers with his. 
Despite the circumstances, you wouldn't change a thing. This is exactly where you want to be, wrapped up in Rafe arms and laughing with your found family.
@i-love-rafe @itsmytimetoodream@brynley-a-xoxo@whore4drew@houseofperfecttaste@everythingmarveltopgun@f4ll-for-you@athenabarnes@antagonize-me-motherfucker@writtenwordslover@madsnxo @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @starrystarkey93 @keylin1730 @fulla02 @loving-and-dreaming @evening-starlight @ibleedcalories @badasspizzalover
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creedslove · 9 months
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HEARTLESS 💔 - PART FIVE
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Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels) x f!reader
Summary: Jack regrets treating you so bad lately after he learned you cried because of him, but he doesn't know how to handle the situation at all
(This is the fifth part of the HEARTLESS 💔 series)
• PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE |
PART FOUR
Warnings: angst, hurt, fluff (because Wyatt is the cutest child in the whole world), asshole! jack, mom!reader
A/N: I don't know what to think... Jack is overall a dick, but he wasn't that bad in this one, i really don't know what you will all think of this chapter besties ❤️
2.8k words
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Friday night came without warning and with that, it just dragged your heart around. You still hadn't wrapped your head around the fact Jack had managed to blackmail you into going to the ranch after pulling the extremely cowardly card of bringing lawyers into the games. 
You knew the court wouldn't side with Jack, not in a normal situation at least, but the expenses of having to hire a lawyer to defend your cause, plus the drama Wyatt would be brought into would be too traumatic for him. He was so little and so innocent, he didn't deserve to find out his dad had left him, and then suddenly decided to come back and now he was going to try to take him away from his mommy.  
And because he wasn't just a regular man with a regular job, he was an agent. He worked for one of the biggest agencies in the world, and you didn't know until what extent that went, but you figured it would be very easy for him to influence a judge for instance. There were too many possibilities and you were not willing to risk your son in a situation like that. He was your everything, the little one you loved the most in your life, you felt a kind of love you thought wasn't even possible to feel. Before your son was born, you thought the love you felt for Jack was the most intense feeling you'd ever experienced, which was, it was a romantic feeling, it swept you off your feet and you knew that even if you found love again, it wouldn't compare to what you felt for that asshole of a cowboy. But the love you felt for your son was almost blinding, you couldn't even imagine yourself losing the right to see him every day, it hurt you to even consider such a possibility, and that was why you would have to submit to Jack's will at least for the moment. 
You finished packing your bag for the weekend and placed it right next to your son's, which had been done with his help, two days earlier, because your boy couldn't control his excitement. As much as you were tense and scared of what would happen on the ranch, you were also glad to see your son's happiness. You were both incredibly happy and also broken to see he was indeed a little cowboy at heart, just like his dad. 
You sighed and began putting the things you didn't pack away, stopping as you found your memory box inside of your wardrobe, knowing exactly what it was inside of it. Your heart raced and it wasn't a good idea to take a look at it, but you couldn't fight your feelings any longer, so you dragged it over your bed and opened it. 
There were so many pictures in it, pictures of you as a kid, your family, your life and pictures of the ranch and the cowboy you loved once so much. Technically Jack should avoid being caught on cameras, as this could be harmful to his job as a secret agent, not that it mattered, you never really understood how he could work as an agent, there was nothing discreet about him, he was a cowboy for god's sake, he drew everyone's attention in the room, but still, rules were meant to be obeyed. However, Jack never said no to you, and that included pictures. He never resisted your cute polaroids, you just loved clinging to him and snapping your pics together. 
You had pictures of the ranch, the little animals and of course pictures of you Jack. You had a sad smile as you watched them, one by one, being taken by so many memories, so much happiness you had felt at those moments. 
You only realized you were crying when your sight got blurry and one tear fell onto the picture, you quickly wiped it, not wanting it to be ruined and when Wyatt walked into your bedroom for the third time that night. He just couldn't help himself and he was so excited he had to snuggle you. He quietly walked to your bed, his curious eyes scanning you, tilting his head "why awe you cwying, mommy?" He asked innocently and you sniffed, drying your tears and shaking your head. You lifted your son up, helping him in bed, next to you, and showed him the picture. He smiled sweetly as he saw you, his tiny finger stroking your image in the picture with affection. Wyatt loved his mommy with all his heart. 
But then something caught his attention, the man that stood next to you in the frame, even if he had the stetson and the sunglasses on, the little boy was able to recognize him anywhere 
"Cowboy, mama!!!" He said with a giggled and then frowned "whewe's Wyatt?" He pouted and you bit your lips "you were just a tiny little bean in mama's womb when I was friends with the cowboy" you said and saw as your son nodded. You didn't know if he was able to put the information together, but he didn't say anything at all, he just smiled "cowboy my fwiend too!" He giggled and you snuggled him closer. 
You felt you couldn't hold back the emotion in you and let out your tears, just as Wyatt got distracted with the other pictures of the ranch. He loved seeing the animals, and the flowers and it just made him happier and happier to know he was going to visit his cowboy friend. 
When he looked up at you, he saw your tears and widened his big brown eyes "don't cwy mommy, pwease" he said sweetly and snuggled into you.
You held him closer and you didn't even notice when he fell asleep, you were too far deep in your memories, knowing you would never be as happy as you were one day, because you would never have Jack with you. Not the Jack you loved at least, because the one you were going to meet in a few hours could never be the same man that stole your heart. 
       •••
Jack paced his kitchen nervously, he was anxious and eager to see his son. A part of him still doubted you would show up with Wyatt, as much as he persuaded you to come by not playing fair, he still worried in his heart that he wouldn't see his son. And he'd been looking forward to it the whole week, it was just so hard not to stop by your apartment every single day to see him, be welcomed by his sweet face, his adorable voice and giggles and his expressive eyes that would never deceive Jack's paternity. 
Helen sighed "Jack, I'm trying to finish these cupcakes for your boy and you are getting in the way, soon enough Y/N will be here and I can't wait to see my little boy" she said excitedly and earned herself a frown
"Your boy?" 
"Yeah, you know damn well he is like a grandson to me, just as you are like a son to me, when you aren't being unbearable" the older woman said. She'd been working for Jack as his housekeeper on the ranch ever since he bought it, being at least a good twenty years older than him, she immediately took a liking to him in a maternal way. After she learned about his loss, she made sure to dedicate him her time just as she would to her own kids, as if his own kids had done something horrible, she felt so disappointed when he kicked you out while pregnant and never went after his son. Helen didn't know what had changed, and if she had to guess, she thought Jack himself probably didn't know what had changed, but she was happy, because she was going to see you again and meet your little boy. 
He checked the table Helen had set for you and Wyatt and bit his lip, she could see he was tense and walked to him, placing her hand on his shoulder "they're gonna be here soon, don't worry about it" Helen reassured him and smiled as the two of them could hear the sound of a car approaching.
"Told you" she said excitedly and went outside. 
Wyatt was too excited and couldn't even control how his little heart raced as he was still trapped by the safety belt. 
"Huwy mommy!!! I wanna pway!" He whined and as soon as you helped him off, he ran to Jack, squealing excitedly and opening his arms to him. Jack's excitement was also visible, he lowered himself to welcome his boy, but Helen was faster, being so eager to meet him. She wrapped her arms around him and lifted him up, making your own heart flutter to see how much she cared about your son. 
Wyatt was a little confused at first, but he giggled and looked at the woman 
"Hi, I Wyatt!" He said sweetly and looked at her, but Jack was faster and picked him up 
"Let me talk to my beautiful boy!" He tickled his tummy as his son wrapped his arm around his neck 
"Hi cowboy!" He giggled adorably and stared at him with the same eyes Jack saw every day in the mirror.
Helen immediately wrapped her arms around you, excited to see you after the years and showering in compliments, you felt your heart warming, seeing her made you feel so glad, but then Jack walked to the two of you, only nodding his head at you. 
When everyone was back in the kitchen, Jack placed Wyatt comfortably on his lap, as he showed him all the food they could have for breakfast. The man cleared his throat and looked at you 
"Join us Y/N, you must be hungry too" he said coldly and you nodded, Helen could see the tension between the two of you was thick enough she could cut with it a knife, but Wyatt was innocent, he smiled big at you and pointed at the beautiful cake "chocolate cake, mommy! Can I have it pwease?" He gave you the puppy eyes and you nodded at him, Jack looked at the little boy and smiled "do you like this one, little man? It's my favorite too!" He tickled his tummy once more, loving his beautiful sweet little laugh. 
You only sipped your orange juice but didn't feel like eating anything at all, as being back at that house was causing you a big wave of emotion; it'd been your home once, you'd wake up everyday and have breakfast there with your boyfriend, or late at nights when you would have a quickie with him, pressing against the kitchen counter. 
You blushed softly as you thought of that and saw Jack was staring at you, he had asked you a question but you hadn't heard it as you were too deep in thought 
"I told you you can take the guest room down the hallway upstairs, you know where it is" he instructed and you nodded, excusing yourself as you didn't feel hungry at all, and thankfully, Jack gave you the perfect excuse to stay away from him. How convenient, you thought to yourself. 
You thanked Helen for the amazing breakfast though you hadn't eaten anything, but you could tell by the way your son chewed his food enthusiastically he was enjoying it for the both of you.
You quickly observed Jack handling Wyatt's food and thought it was quite interesting he wasn't so clueless about taking care of a child, maybe he was making an effort after all. 
You told your son you would organize the bedroom and he nodded, turning his attention back at the man. 
Jack made sure to pay attention to him, answer his silly questions and show Wyatt he was having a great time with him, until his son sipped his juice so he would wash down the food and place his small hand on his big one.
"Mommy was cwying last night" he said innocently, not understanding that maybe he shouldn't talk about personal things like those. Jack raised his eyebrow curiously at Wyatt and wanting to know more about it. 
"Was she? And why was that?" 
"Because of cowboy" he shrugged simply "cowboy and mommy wewe fwiends" he added and in his childish way told Jack about the pictures his mommy kept, about the animals he'd seen in them and how mommy had told him she used to be friends with the cowboy but they weren't anymore. 
Jack took a deep breath, he tried to seem unbothered by it, but he felt a pit of guilt in his stomach, he had no idea you'd keep your pictures together, he'd figure you would've erased every single trace of him from your life, but apparently you hadn't. Jack sighed as he thought that maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh on you, maybe he should have been loving, sweeter, he should have fallen to your feet and begged you for forgiveness, that would've been better than calling you a bitch. 
"Helen, can you stay with Wyatt and make sure he gets another slice of cake? I gotta check on Y/N really quick.." he asked the woman, who was more than happy to spend time with the adorable little boy. 
Jack assured him he'd be back soon and ran upstairs as fast as he could, walking through the hallway and finding you inside of the guest room. 
You were unpacking Wyatt's bag and placing his clothes inside the drawers, Jack wanted to tell you to stop, as he had prepared a surprise for you and Wyatt, Jack had turned one of the empty rooms into a beautiful bedroom for his son. He'd picked the decoration himself, everything full of farm animals and other things he thought his son might like it and he would keep it a surprise until it was bedtime, so he'd let his son decide if he wanted to sleep with his mom or by himself in his bedroom, like a baby boy, even if he wasn't sure Wyatt would sleep alone in a different house. 
But he stopped himself and only watched you. 
You looked so beautiful while doing something so simple such as folding some clothes, Jack felt his cold stone heart yearning for something he forced himself to pretend he didn't want anymore. 
He took off his hat and held it in his hand and walked inside
"Y/N?" He asked in a low voice, even if it wasn't his intention, he startled you and you jumped a little, turning to him and feeling anxious. You were mentally preparing yourself to spend the whole weekend next to the man that broke your heart, you knew eventually you'd have problems, you just didn't want it to be less than an hour after you arrived. 
"What do you need, Jack?" You asked him, as you saw him approaching you. His eyes scanned you shamelessly, he looked at your face, down your body and saw you hadn't aged a day, though you still managed to look more beautiful than before. Your body was looking gorgeous as ever and at that moment no matter how much he'd lied to himself over the years, he would give up everything to run his hands down your curves. He was at a loss of words at that moment, placing his hat on the bed and taking a step closer 
"I'm sorry… about how I treated you, sugar, I really regret it" he said and looked into your eyes, but it wasn't enough, you needed to know what he meant and how much he meant it, so Jack's hand got on hips quickly, pulling you to him and before you could react to anything, his lips met yours in a needy kiss. 
He was finally kissing those beautiful lips years later after making you go away, it felt to him he had returned home, at the same time it also felt not a day had passed after your last kiss. He was so glad in to be kissing you he barely noticed your hands pushing him away at the same time you managed to break the kiss.
You wiped your mouth as he took a step back and the next thing he felt was your hand on his cheek, a slap strong enough its sound echoed through the room. 
"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Jack?" You raised your voice, furious to have been kissed by him, as he held the part of his face you'd slapped him as hard as you could, finally placing his hand down, you could see the redness and your handprint on his skin.
_____
A/N: idk besties, he deserved the slap, but the kiss 💋🔥🔥🔥🔥
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smrsxx · 8 months
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Based on this request . . .
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Title : Chaotic
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Pair : bayverse!optimus adoptive dad x human!gn reader
Summary : You and Optimus are going for a ride and you just can't stop thinking about how you ended up in this situation.
Tw : actually none , just pure fluff.
English isn't my first language so if you spot any mistakes just bare with me.
Ps. I finally published this after a week l and I'm so sorry that I was late. I hope you liked it. I personally loved it. I'm going to be out of town ( I don't know for how long ) because of some family issues. I will try to work on a new series that I was requested too.
I really tried. I hope it's good.
_______________________________________________________
He is so done with you.
He actually can not understand how you are so much energetic.
One minute you are quiet and peaceful -
and the all of a sudden you are going crazy and started doing all kinds of stuff.
At first you decided to clean the whole entire base , including the Transformers themselves.
That is how Optimus found himself - in this type of situation.
He is sitting on top of his berthroom , looking at you while your cleaning literally everything.
He looks at you and decides to give it another chance. " Are you certain that you do not need any help ? "
"Thanks again but no. I think I'm gonna go clean Ratchet's room again. " You say to him , but more to yourself.
To save you from trouble Optimus decided that the best option is to take you away from the base - maybe for ride.
Just to calm you down.
_____
This is how you found yourself sitting in his cabin at his alt - form driving in the night.
A podcast you both love is playing softly in the background.
You are in your peaceful state right now.
And you both knew why.
" it's quiet. I like it. " You said to Optimus , your head resting on his left window.
" How so ? " He asked you making you both laugh at his obvious joke about your personality.
" it's not funny. " You answered smiling.
When you reached your secret place , where Optimus could change into his real form , you both went quiet.
After a couple of minutes you broke the silence.
_____
" Do you remember the first time we met ? Wait - that was a stupid question - you remember everything. Anyways - back to what I was saying . . . I wanted you to know that I am so grateful that I was there that night. If I had said no to Sam to go out for a ride with Bee I wouldn't have met you. And do you remember when we first started to form our relationship? You are just like a father to me and I know it sounds strange , because your this - . . . You're just special you know ? " You said to him , trying to hold your smile back.
You didn't know if he was comfortable with that , but you really admired him and loved him as a father and you couldn't think about your life without him.
His silence made your stomach turn.
'I freaked him out. I fucked up. ' You thought to yourself.
"If you think that my silence after your confession is a bad thing , do not because it is not. I am grateful that you gathered the courage and tell me that you are happy that you've met me. Trust me all Autobots do. Even Ironhide - even though he doesn't show it much. But me ? Especially me ? I am extremely happy that you are inspired by me. You are a wonderful human being and we've learned so much from you. I'm proud to be considered your friend but I'm even more proud to consider you my daughter. " He answered making tears form in your eyes.
_____
You both remembered the moment. Hearts and sparks filled with love.
You loved your dad - even if he was a big , giant , tall machine.
Your dad loved you - even if you were a small but fierce human.
You knew everything about each other.
You told each other everything.
You were father and daughter.
You had an amazing bond.
" I love you dad. Even if your extremely bossy sometimes. " You said to him smiling.
"Well I have to be , considering that I have to deal with bots and humans like you. " He answered making you gasp and laugh.
"But I love you too. " He finally said to you.
You loved your dad and your dad loved you.
__________
Until next time . . . Enjoy summer : ]
@unimportantbabymilksharkte
172 notes · View notes
thoseboysinblue · 1 year
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Unbroken
Part 1
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Christian Pulisic x reader, Enemies to Lovers
You are best friends with Christian’s childhood friend, however, you and Christian cannot seem to get along with one another. 
Word count: 4600+
Warnings: Smut, fluff, swearing, angst throughout the entire series
Christian Pulisic.
Hate is a strong word, and you don't think you hate him, but you are quite certain he hates you.
Your college roommate and best friend, Emily, also happens to be best friends with Christian. They grew up together, kind of. Her parents and his parents are close. Naturally, they spent time together when they were younger, vacations, Christmas, traveling to watch Christian play as he exploded through the youth ranks in the US and then overseas. She doesn't have many childhood memories that don't include him.
You've met him, and his family when Emily invited you to tag along on a summer trip to Florida. His family were so inviting and nice, but Christian, he seemed to have a chip on his shoulder when it came to you. Typical sports star with an ego you thought.
You couldn't exactly put your finger on why he disliked you, but you somehow always ended up bickering when you were around each other, especially if it was just you and him and Emily.
He never really gave you a chance, he didn't seem to want to get to know you at all. You felt like he just silently, and sometimes not so silently, judged you and Emily for being typical girls your age, enjoying parties, drinking too much on occasion, and the attention two young, pretty girls seemed to garner from members of the opposite sex.
What he didn't know, was that most of the time you were the responsible one, making sure Emily made it home safely, and avoiding the random hookups she seemed to enjoy.
You and Emily had been out with Christian and some of his friends in Miami on occasion. You'd noticed the way girls seemed to throw themselves at him and his friends, no doubt hoping for their fifteen minutes of fame.
You hated it, cringing whenever photos would inevitably come out linking you and Emily to him, some people taking things to the extreme and claiming you were his girlfriend. Emily never got linked as his girlfriend because it was well established that they were close friends from childhood, you on the other hand, not so much.
But Emily loved Christian, and you loved Emily, so you tried to tolerate him for her sake.
******
"Why do we have to stay with him again?" you question her as you are finalizing plans for a trip to London.
"Why can't the two of you just get along?" she fires back at you.
"It's not me, I've tried, Em. He hates me and I don't know why."
"Funny, he says the same thing," she rolls her eyes at you.
"You realize you are practically male and female versions of the same person, right? That's why I love you both so much" she laughs.
"Highly doubt that, we have absolutely nothing in common, except for you, Em."
"We are staying with him because he invited us. His house is plenty big for us to crash there, and we won't even see him that much I'm sure. The last few times I've been to London, I rarely saw him, he's busy training and traveling. He does have some hot friends though. Fit, I mean, English lads are fit," she giggles, fanning her face and pretending she might faint.
"He invited you to stay with him. He only found out I was coming after the fact, and it would have been rude for him to rescind at that point," you answer her.
"See, he's being nice, y/n" she smirks at you flicking on the TV and turning on the US match he happens to be playing in right now. "Dee and I agree that you are just alike and whatever hatred you have for one another is sexual tension and there is only one way to fix that."
"There's a difference between not being rude and being nice, and I'm not even going comment on that last bit" you huff as you see him flash across the screen, tugging a captain’s arm band up his arm as he shoves into an opposing player mouthing something that looked far from innocent.
Your eyes widen slightly, and you feel something light inside of you. Not today, Satan you think to yourself, quickly burying any thoughts your brain is trying to force on you.
******
"Fuck, Christian just like that" you moan loudly as he curls two fingers against your g-spot, thumb pressing against your clit.
"Shhh, baby, can't have everyone hearing you moaning for me, what would they think, huh?" he smirks, tugging his captain's armband up from your neck and into your mouth to act as a gag before sinking his face back between your legs.
Fuck he's better at that than he should be you think to yourself as you feel yourself clench around his fingers hearing him moan quietly as he continues devouring you.
You bring your hand between your legs to tug on his curls causing him to moan again, the vibrations driving you mad.
"Come on baby, I know you've got another one in you." He pants between flicking his tongue, sucking, and kissing over your clit quickly brining you to your second orgasm of the night.
Your orgasm surges through you, your back arching as you grip the sheets with one hand, Christian's hair with the other. He slows his movements slightly helping you through it before kissing along your thighs and stomach, finally bringing his hand up to pull the armband from your mouth before smashing his lips to yours. He pushes his tongue into your mouth, forcing you to taste yourself with a hungry and needy kiss.
You sit up, "Jesus Christ, get it together, y/n." You bring you hand to your lips, running your fingers over them still able to feel his lips on yours, his beard scratching you lightly, then noticing how aroused you are, dripping for him, your pussy clenching around absolutely nothing but the dream you'd just had. Flopping yourself back down onto the bed, you cover your face with a pillow and groan "this cannot be happening."
******
Private Conversation between Christian and Emily
“Christian, try and be nice to y/n when we visit. She’s already anxious about staying in your house, and she’s had a rough few months. Take it easy on her, ok? She’s cut off all communication with her family at this point, gone through a rough break-up, and is literally making life-changing decisions completely alone.”
“She might actually have to speak to me, you know?” Christian snaps back at her.
“Look, I think everything about you overwhelms her, especially when she gets hammered with speculation about dating you.”
“I didn’t know she was dating anyone, though,” he replies, his tone a little softer.
“Yeah, they dated for a while, apparently he never got the memo that dating someone means you stop sleeping around though” she answers.
“Sounds like she needs to pick better then” he scoffs.
“What, like you?” Emily returns with a grin.
“No, not like me, you know how my life is, I can’t give anyone a relationship they deserve right now, especially if we aren’t even in the same country, Em” he shakes his head at his friend’s suggestion.
******
London. A city you've dreamed of visiting as long as you can remember emerges through the clouds as your plane descends.
As soon as you land at Heathrow, Emily checks her phone, letting out a little cheer.
"Chelsea won today, Christian and his fit friends are meeting us to celebrate later. Apparently they have the next few days off" she grins at you.
You roll your eyes at her "great, forced fun with a guy that hates me for no reason and a bunch of people I don't know, sounds amazing"
"Don't be like that, it will be fun, y/n, I promise."
You follow Emily as she guides you through the crowd at the airport, getting you settled on a train and trying to begin explaining the different modes of transportation that will help you to navigate London without really needing a car that often.
You arrive at Christian's after getting an Uber from the train station suddenly nervous that you are at his house. "He's not here" Emily bumps your hip with hers, sensing that you had tensed up, "he's meeting us at the nightclub, they are going to grab some dinner to give us time to get ready. He says there are some things we can snack on in his fridge if we are hungry."
"That was thoughtful of him" you say not really meaning to compliment him, but it just slipped out.
"See, he's trying to be nice," she smiles back at you.
She leads you up the stairs to his house, pointing down one hallway "his room is down that way along with his gaming room and cinema room, ours are this way" she drags you in the opposite direction.
Emily shows you into your room turning on the light, "he always has flowers waiting for me, looks like he's done the same for you," she smiles, "see n-i-c-e," she spells out for you as you huff and drop your bags.
"Now freshen up and put on something sexy, we've got footballers to impress" she says swatting you on the ass.
You wander around the room, taking everything in, pictures of him and his family, him on his boat, him and Emily, and team celebration photos scattered around the room. But one picture in particular caught your eye, there on the night stand, next to the flowers, a picture of Christian, Emily, and YOU.
You feel your stomach flip, warmth spreading through your body as you pick the picture up. You remember this night, you and Christian had actually gotten along fairly well, probably due to large quantities of alcohol and the fact that you'd avoided each other most of the day.
~~~~
After a late night swim, Emily begged the two of you to take a picture with her. You both gave in, knowing there was absolutely no point in fighting her. Emily wrapped her arms around Christian's waist, him slinging one arm around her shoulders. He slid his other arm around your waist, hand resting on your hip as he pulled you into his side as you leaned your head against his shoulder. After the picture was snapped Emily let go of him and went to inspect the picture his hand lingering on your hip a little longer, giving it a slight squeeze before he let go of you.
A game of truth or dare had followed, it being obvious everyone in the room had made it their mission to get you and Christian into as many compromising situations as possible.
It started with Nick daring you to give Christian a lap dance. You'd obliged, playing along, straddling him and pressing your tits close to his face before turning around and grinding your hips down over his lap, rolling them along with the music as his hands came up flank your hips. Emily dared you to take body shots off each other. And finally, Alex dared Christian to kiss you.
He'd brought his face close to yours, his breath fanning over your face, a mixture of whiskey and mint hitting you as his eyes flick between your eyes and lips before he dipped his head and placed a kiss to your cheek that lingered a little too long to be considered friendly.
"Boring" the group shouted in unison before you got up and left the room, done with the night. You went outside and sat at the edge of the pool, dangling your feet into the water as you stared off into the distance.
"See, we can get along" you hear him drawl as he sits down next to you dropping his feet into the water and sliding a hand around your waist.
"Yeah, I guess we can when you’re not being a pri..." he cuts you off as you turn to face him, sliding his other hand up to cup your jaw as he presses a kiss to your lips.
Before you even have time to realize what's happening, your body reacts to his, your hands slipping into the back of his hair as you pull him closer to you deepening the kiss. He moans softly into your mouth before pulling away, pecking you one more time on the lips as he bumps his nose against yours "night, y/n" is all he says before hopping up and disappearing into the house, leaving you wondering what the hell just happened. But one thing you were sure of, you'd never been kissed like that.
The next day, things returned to normal, the two of you barely acknowledging each other, but both wondering if the other even remembered the events from the night before.
~~~~
Putting the picture down, you finally decide you should start getting ready, you throw open your suitcase, calling down the hallway to Emily "are you wearing a dress or jeans?"
"Dress, skirt, definitely something with easy access," she says poking her head around the door with a mischievous grin.
"Wear that one" she says pointing to the blue dress you are holding in your hands "it makes your ass look good" she shrugs.
You both finish getting ready, having a few snacks and a pre-drink while waiting on the car Christian sent for you to arrive.
You make your way into central London, finally arriving at the nightclub where Christian is waiting at the door for you so that he can take you to the VIP section they've reserved and you won't have to stand in line waiting to get in.
He pulls Emily into a hug, lifting her off her feet and spinning her around, finally sitting her back down and turning his attention to you. "Hey, y/n, you look nice" he says eyeing you up and down.
"Thanks, so do you, and thanks for letting us stay with you for a few days" you offer him a smile.
"See guys, that wasn't so hard was it?" Emily grins looking back and forth between the two of you.
"Now, Chris, take me to your hottie friends, oooh, is Ben here?" she smiles at him and flutters her eyelashes.
"Yeah, he is," he shakes his head at her before turning and taking her hand pulling her into the club.
She turns and grabs your hand pulling you behind her mouthing "he's so hot" to you as you shake your head at her.
You arrive at the section they are in Christian introducing you, "I think you all know Emily and this is y/n. Y/n, this is Mason, Ben, Reece, Kai, and Sophia" You wave and shyly say hi, hating that everyone is staring at you. Emily greets everyone since she already knows them and squeezes her way around to sit down next to Ben.
God I wish I had an ounce of her confidence you think to yourself. You watch as Christian plops back down in what you presumed was his previous seat next to Sophia, as you stand there a bit awkwardly glancing around to figure out where to sit.
Mason shifts over a bit nodding his head indicating you can sit next to him. You sit beside him uttering your thanks and offering him a smile.
"So you're the infamous, y/n?" Mason grins at you, a brilliant smile, sparkling eyes, and charming personality that he's clearly learned to use to his advantage.
"My reputation proceeds me, I see" you chuckle, reaching for a shot glass full of what you presumed was tequila.
You turn to offer him a shot as well to find him looking your ass over. When he notices he's been caught, he smiles sheepishly. You slide the shot glass towards him, grabbing the salt and limes as well, sitting back down in your previous spot.
"I was checking to see if you have a tail", he quips.
You narrow your eyes at him, not quite sure you understand what he's talking about.
"Figured you'd have a tail and horns, from the things I've heard."
"Oh" you laugh, finally catching on, "from him I presume?" you tilt your head towards Christian never taking your eyes off Mason.
"Yeah, but you don't seem that bad to me" he winks at you.
Oh, he's good at this little game, you think to yourself.
"I would guess that most of what he's told you is far from the truth" you smile back at him, "he barely knows me."
You hand him the lime, watching him balancing it between his fingers as you lick a stripe on his wrist, covering it with salt. You place the salt back on the table, pulling Mason's wrist towards your mouth, licking the salt off him, quickly downing the shot and sucking the lime between his fingers.
"That didn't take long" Emily murmurs to Ben as she glances over to see Christian watching the whole scene play out in front of him.
Mason repeats the same actions, placing salt on your wrist and taking the lime from between your fingers just as you'd done.
You weren't sure why exactly you were flirting with Mason Mount, he was not quite your type, and you could tell you were about a million miles away from being his type. But he was easy to talk to, not afraid to embarrass himself a bit, and very affectionate, even towards someone he'd just met, and let's face it, you were touch starved at this point, so you went with it.
And there was a tiny part of you, even though you didn't want to admit it, that wanted to push Christian's buttons, you wanted to make him jealous for some reason you couldn’t understand.
"You drink anything besides tequila shots?" he questions you after another shot. "Yeah, vodka and soda" you answer him as he places a drink order for another round for the table. "Good, because if I keep doing shots at this rate, things will get ugly."
"Well, someone will eventually have to end up taking care of Em later, and that usually ends up being me, so I tend to not go overboard either."
"I think, Em is in good hands" he nods over to where she's now sitting in Ben's lap, "they hooked up the last time she visited."
"Of course, they did" you murmur taking a sip of water as you wait for your drink.
"What do you do for work y/n?" Sophia asks trying to include you in the group's conversation.
"I'm a legal consultant for an international shipping company" you answer her with a smile, appreciative of the effort.
"All I can gather from all of that is that you are a hell of a lot smarter than any of us" Mason chuckles beside you.
You drop your chin to your chest and shake your head, blushing slightly, "I wouldn't say that" you shrug.
"Yeah and she's got a fancy pants new job" Emily blurts out before you can stop her.
"Em, no one wants to hear about my boring job" you widen your eyes at her, pleading silently for her to keep her mouth shut.
Thankfully, she catches on and shifts the topic of conversation to something else as your drinks arrive.
You continue making small talk with Mason sipping on the vodka and soda he got you along with a second one, eventually having enough liquid courage in you to drag him to the dance floor followed closely by Kai and Sophia, Ben and Emily.
You dance for a bit, grinding your ass into him while he grips onto your hips, spinning you around and dipping his head to tell you something that makes throw your head back in laughter.
"They seem to be getting along" Reece speaks to Christian, nodding his head to where you and Mason currently occupy the dance floor.
"Yep" is all Christian answers taking a swig of his drink.
The others return to the table, you and Mason deciding to do another shot, you keeping things the same as before, him deciding to be a bit bolder, sprinkling salt over your exposed collar bone and placing the lime between your lips.
You probably should have been thrilled to have someone like Mason licking salt off you and pulling a lime from between your lips, but all you can think about is the person you watch disappear from the table after seeing more than he cared to see for one night.
"Anybody else get the feeling those two need to be locked in a bathroom to either fuck or fight to the death?" Reece asks waving his hand between where you were now being pulled back to the dance floor by Mason, and Christian dodging people in search of a bathroom.
"Been saying that for years" Emily taps her glass to his "they are both too stubborn for their own good though."
"Should we tell Mase, or just let him figure it out on his own?" Ben asks.
"I can promise you, y/n, already knows she's not his type, Mason will figure it out soon enough." Emily laughs.
Christian returns to the table around the same time you and Mason return, all of you resuming your previous seats, Mason slinging his arm around your shoulders.
"Shall we play a game of Never Have I Ever?" Emily asks the group. Everyone nodding in agreement.
"No German you three" Ben raises his eyebrows at Kai, Sophia, and Christian, "they like to cheat at a game you can't even win" he chuckles.
"Ok, so drinking for the things we've done, right?" Sophia asks as you nod back at her.
"I'll go first" Reece says "starting off tame, Never have I ever kissed someone at this table."
Ben, Emily, Kai, Sophia, and Christian drink.
"Chris we were 12, surely that doesn't count anymore" Emily laughs.
"Did my lips touch your lips?" he counters as she rolls her eyes "then we've kissed" he says his eyes burning into yours as his jaw clenches.
"You're too honest for this game" she chuckles.
"Ok, I'll spice it up" Emily smiles wickedly. "Never have I ever thought about fucking someone sitting at this table."
Everyone but Reece drinks.
"Aww Reece, such a gentleman" you smile at him.
"Well, she's spoken for,” he says pointing at Sophia, “and both of you seem pretty off limits so..." he trails off with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Christian, 14 year old wet dreams don't count either" Emily smiles at him "unless" she trails her eyes over to you and then back to him.
"One of us would have to be blindfolded, maybe gagged," he scoffs "how do you know I'm not talking about Soph?"
"Because Kai would snap you like a twig" Emily smirks.
"Yes, yes he would." Kai raises an eyebrow at him.
You feel your face flush, tears threatening to spill at Christian's comments obviously pointed towards you.
You excuse yourself, trying to escape to the terrace to attempt to calm yourself down.
Christian and Mason both stand at the same time to follow you.
"What's your problem, Chris?" Mason narrows his eyes at him.
"Yeah, that was a bit harsh, man." Ben chimes in.
"I, I, fuck I don't know, I should go apologize." Christian stammers.
"No, you should let Mason go, you've done enough, Christian" Emily orders him to sit back down.
Christian sits back down, Mason making his way to the door that leads to the terrace.
Y/N? He breathes out when he finally spots you leaning against the railing slipping off his jacket and handing it to you, watching as you slip it over your arms.
Mason wraps his arm around your waist, hand settling over your hip.
"You ok?" he asks quietly, you nodding in response.
"I don't think he meant that the way it came out," he offers, trying to help.
"Doesn't matter, Mason" you shake your head.
"I think I'm tired, and just need to go home" you sigh, leaning your head against his shoulder.
"Can I ask you something?" He says drawing circles on your hip with his thumb.
"Do you like him?"
"Who? Christian?" you scoff "at the moment, no, not at all."
"Maybe not right this minute, but in general, you like him, don't you?" he presses.
You drop your face into your hands and groan still not willing to say it out loud.
"He likes you, too. I can tell by the way he's been burning holes into me all night long with his death glare. He probably just doesn't know how to admit it, kind of like you" he nudges you. "And I know you like him because you were constantly watching him to make sure he was watching you with me" he winks at you.
"I'm sorry, Mason. You are so fun to be around, but.." you trail off.
"It's fine, Y/N, you're easier to be around than you give yourself credit for. I don't mind at all, really, tonight has been fun. And maybe we can hang out some more to try to give him a nudge" he grins at you.
"I feel bad doing that to you, Mason" you say turning to face him.
"Don't feel bad" he says placing a kiss on your forehead "we aren't each other’s type are we?" he says as you shake your head at him.
"So who is it that you've thought about fucking then?" you question him "Em?"
"Nope, had a dream about Sophia once" he shakes his head, rubbing his fingers through his beard, but you can't tell anyone, because Kai would seriously murder me" he chuckles.
"One thing you should know about me, Mason, I'm excellent at keeping secrets" you smile back at him "I'll never tell a soul, I promise."
"Somehow, I actually believe that" he smiles back at you.
"Do you need anything from inside?" he asks as you shake your head pulling out your phone.
"I'm just going to get an Uber back to Christian's" you sigh.
"If you think for one second, I'm going back in there to face the others and tell them that I stuck you in an Uber, alone, at this hour, you are insane. You have two choices, we take an Uber to my place, and you can sleep in my guest room, or my room, I'm an excellent cuddler by the way, or we can take an Uber to Christian's and then I'll get them to take me home as well" he rambles smiling at you.
"We can just go to Christian's. I don't even know his fucking address so I'm not sure how I thought I'd get there" you shake your head "I'm tired and not thinking clearly, obviously."
"Come on then" he intertwines his fingers with yours, "we can go out this way so that we don't have to go back inside, I'll get a car on the way and will text the others letting them know we are leaving, you text Emily."
Y/N: Mason is taking me home.
Emily: you ok?
Y/N: yeah, I'm just tired
Emily: ok, I'm going to Ben's when we leave here. Coffee in the morning?
Y/N: Sure.
You arrive at Christian's, Mason walking you to the door as you dig for the key Emily had given you earlier. You unlock the door and start to take Mason's jacket off before he stops you. "Keep it" he smiles, "I'll get it back later."
"Thanks, Mase. Sorry, Mason," you stutter before kissing him on the cheek.
"You can call me, Mase" he grins at you.
"We're going to make this work, y/n" he says before kissing you on the cheek and turning to go back to the car.
Part 2
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hs-is-loml · 2 years
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Flashbacks of You. (c.f)
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masterlist
Pairing: Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader, Conklin!Reader (Steven’s Twin)
Summary: flashback moments from you and conrad growing up. part three to the 'isn't the same without you' series!
isn't the same without you (part one), for you, always (part two), making you blush (part four)
Warnings: mainly fluff! little angst but comfort. mentions of cancer. first kiss...
a/n: SURPRISE FOR THE EARLY UPDATE!! you guys convinced me to do another so i thought the best thing for a third part would be flashbacks filled with very domestic fluffy moments of these two idiots who are together but are too pussy to make it official!
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Age 7
“Can I sign your cast?” Conrad asked from beside you.
“Can I sign yours?” you threw back.
“Duh, why do you think I asked to sign yours,” he laughed.
You ran inside to grab a sharpie tripping on your way to the door.
“Don’t break another arm,” you hear Conrad tease.
Age 10
Your favorite part of the year was coming back to Cousins and spending time with the one and only, Conrad Fisher. Being separated for most of the year was hard on both of you. Neither of you really seemed to care for others while you were beside each other. Susannah would always say she saw a future with you two.
You guys shared a bunk bed in Conrad’s room with you being on the bottom bunk because of your fear of falling off the edge of the top. Though it seems Conrad never really spent much time on the top bunk, he would end up squeezing next to you at night wanting to talk more before going to bed. As your guys trailed off your conversations, you also seemed to dose off and fall asleep next to each other. 
Even from a young age you always picked each other's side of an argument or situation. Others found this extremely annoying knowing it would always be a 2 versus 1 if you came to a confrontation with one of them. Especially Steven.
“Steven, give it back,” you whined as he dangled your headphone above your head due to his sudden growth spurt that you seemed to lack.
“No, this is too fun,” he snorted at you.
“Ok, I get it you’re tall now, but come on I just want them back before you end up breaking them,” you scoffed.
“Steven, give it back to her,” you hear from behind you as Steven hands back the headphones with a frown walking away.
Conrad always had your back and defended you in as many ways as he could. He loved the sense of being able to protect you from even the smallest things. The best part was everyone kind of listened to him with him being the oldest out of all of us. 
 “Thanks, Connie,” you said appreciatively looking up to meet his eyes. 
“Anytime.”
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Age 12
“You’ve always had the most gorgeous blue eyes, Con,” you confessed to him.
“What about them?” he asked confused.
“They’re so pretty, you know. Like as someone who has brown eyes, yours are much cooler.” you talked staring into his eyes to get a better look.
“Y/N, well you have a pretty smile,” he complimented you.
“You’re just saying that so you don’t seem rude.”
“When have I cared about being rude?”
“Actually, fair point.”
“Exactly.”
“How’s football going? Is your dad still pushing you to do it?” you asked.
“Yeah, he is, but it’s going great actually. The coach says I got some potential or something like that apparently.”
“It’s because you’re amazing, Conrad. Take pride in that.”
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Age 15
From a very young age, you both showed the potential to be something more when you guys grew older. It was a shock to the families to hear about other significant others as you grew older and matured. Though as bad as it sounds your friendship was never strained during them. 
Finding out Susannah had cancer was tough on everyone. Nobody could ever imagine a life without her. Conrad took it worse than everyone though he felt like he could’ve done something to prevent it in reality there was nothing he could do. The second you guys were alone when you came back to Cousins. He told you all his worries about Susannah. 
That was the best part of your guys’ friendship (relationship) is that you would always be able to confide in each other. No judgment would ever be made. 
"There's no shame in crying, Conrad. I promise. It’s just me," you spoke softly into his ear as he clutched onto your sides, burying his head into your neck. You held him as you played with the hairs on the back of his neck as he tried to hold in the tears but simply couldn’t.
“I can’t lose her, Y/N,” he muttered. 
“And you won’t. Susannah’s strong. She’s the strongest person I know, and she will get through this. You know your mom she’s a fighter.”
“Thank you for being here.”
“I'll always be by your side.”
“I love you,” he said as he pulled back a little to look into your eyes.
“And, I love you,” you responded as you laid a gentle kiss on his forehead, he blushed.
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Age 16 
“Happy birthday, Y/N!” you heard from around the room as you walked into your house. 
You looked around to see so many faces of the people you loved. You saw your parents, Steven, Belly, Taylor, a couple of your friends, and Steven’s, then you saw the Fishers standing to the side with bright smiles on their faces. Your eyes traveled to them one by one until you saw Conrad Fisher.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart!” Susannah spoke to you. 
“Hey, birthday girl,” Jeremiah said.
“Happy birthday, Y/N,” Adam added.
“Happy birthday, love,” Conrad finished.
You squealed at the sight of them. You ran to Conrad tackling him into a hug as you peppered kisses over his face.
“You’re here,” you said still in shock.
“Of course, I am,” he smirked. He let you go so you could greet the other people in the room and thank them. Everyone could see the love in his eyes as he watched you interact with everyone.
“Happy birthday, sis,” Steven laughed at your facial expression. He had just gotten back from a trip with your guys’ dad. You thought he would be gone for your shared birthday but everything was planned to surprise you. 
“I’m so glad, you made it in time.” you joked as you did a handshake you forced him to learn when you guys were seven. 
“How could I miss our birthday?” Steven claimed.
“Cause you said you would?” you mocked.
“Oh, shove you, dork. Go back to lover boy he might miss you,” he grinned as you shoved him with your shoulder as you walked to Conrad.
“Hey,” you greeted him as he turned his attention away from his brother to you.
“Hello to you too.”
“Come to the backyard with me?” you asked him.
“Yeah sure,” he answered.
-
“So how’s your birthday?” he asked as you two walked outside sitting under the shade.
“Better with you here,” you admitted.
“I missed you,” he confessed taking your hand in his. 
“I miss you too. Like all the time,” you replied giving his hand a squeeze. 
“It’s hard to sit here and be close to you and not want to kiss you,” he muttered under his breath hoping you wouldn’t notice but you did. 
“Then why don’t you?” you said as the words slipped out of your mouth. 
It felt like time stopped as he searched your face for any signs of hesitation, but there weren’t any. You had just turned sixteen but never had your first kiss yet. You were sure he knew that, but you hoped he didn’t notice your lack of experience. He leaned into you slightly like he was waiting for you to stop him, but you wanted this. You wanted him. You leaned more in until you felt his breath fan over your face. 
“Kiss me,” you whispered against his lips.
His lips pressed yours as his hand went to your waist. You responded immediately to the kiss putting your hand against his cheek. As he deepened the kiss his grip on your waist tighten as well. You let out a small gasp allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth. Both of you fought for dominance but ended up with him winning. You pulled back enough to take in some air allowing Conrad to catch his breath as well. 
Each looking back at the other's lips waiting for the next move. Conrad pulls you so you're straddled on top of him as he reconnects your lips. You smiled into the kiss wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands moved to your hips. You moved forward slightly to lean more into him and he let out a groan against your mouth. He stilled in the kiss firmly keeping your hips in place from moving any further. Your lips parted from each other but stayed in the same position.
“I have your gift. Do you want it now?” he said moving one of his hands to his pocket and taking out a small box and showing it to you.
“Sure,” you said flushed taking the box in your hand as you unwrapped your arms from his neck.
“I thought you’d like it since you’re like obsessed with like space and stuff. I got a matching ring to it too you see. It’s okay if you don’t like it though I can totally get you something else if you want,” he rambled as you took out a moon and star necklace that matched a signet ring that rested on his left pinky. 
“I love it, Con. Thank you,” you giggled pressing a light kiss on his lips. 
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Round 1 - Side A
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Propaganda below ⬇️
Abuelita Alma Madrigal Propaganda:
There's a church in the Encanto as well as a priest and given how strong her grip is and how much of a control freak she is, I would very much doubt she'd allow people to believe in other miracles than Pedro's if she wasn't, herself catholic. Also I mean south american turn of the century family they're probably catholic.
Listen at least Alma is!!! The candle!! The importance of the church!!! The vibes are just there!!!! The idea of being a savior by sacrificing yourself (or at least your personality/grief) for your people? That’s SO catholic coded PLEASE
Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler Propaganda:
good lord where do i start. in the animated series he converts logan to catholisism and then fucks off basically thats the main thing he did there. i think one time they tried to make him a demon to explain how he looked but everyone hated that. he sold his soul one time to help his friends out after he died. he and logan have a weird little gay thing. he was a priest one time but he was made a priest by a fake bishop from a religion that hates mutants iirc so he just wasnt a priest. like 3 people have written him in a way i like and one of those is my friend just talking about how they view him.
wow marvel loves making catholic characters dress/look like demons
Kurt is a mutant who was born to mystique who looks a LOT like a devil (technically is half one but that cannon truth isn't real go back to bed), his mother dropped him off a cliff when he was born and he was picked up by a Romani group/circus (fuck old comics man) however he then narrowly escaped being sold to a freak show and found himself in a small German town. There he met a kind priest, who showed him God, and he quickly grew attached to the idea- However, it wasn't long before people began labeling him a demon and soon the whole town was against him with pitchforks and fire. Cornered and injured, Kurt thought this might be the end for him- maybe he would see heaven so long after finding it- but he was then saved by Charles Xavier who invited him to the X-Men. AND ITS BEEN SO MANY YEARS AND HE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH THERE. SO MUCH. SO GOD DAMN MUCH. BUT THE MOST AAAA THING TO ME CONCERNING HIS FAITH HE WHEN HE LITERALLY DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN BUT THEN BECAUSE OF DRAMA WITH HIS FATHER HAD TO BRING HIS FRIENDS IN WITH HIM FROM THE BEYOND. THEN WITH ALOT OF TROUBLE THEY FOUGHT HIS FATHER AND THE ONLY WAY KURT SAW TO STOP HIM WAS IN A MOVE THAT STRIPPED THEM BOTH OF THEIR SOULS AND PUT THEM BACK ON EARTH. SO KURT CANONICALLY HAS NOW LOST HIS ABILITY FOR ETERNAL PEACE, LOST HIS VERY SOUL, TO SAVE PEOPLE- AND ALSO TOLD NO ONE NOT EVEN HIS GAY LOVER WOLVERINE.
Nightcrawler is a mutant vigilante who looks like a classical demon. He can't even go to church without people panicking and trying to exorcize him. Despite it all, he's so full of faith and hope and compassion, and he wants to believe the best of everyone. Also, he's bffs with an extremely angry Jewish sword lesbian. That has nothing to do with anything, but it's important to me that you all know that.
What if you were a devout christian and literally looked like the devil? He nearly became the pope, which was a plot by some supervillains that also involved faking a rapture? There is nothing like comics I swear to god.
A catholic who is half demon I don’t think I can better explain a struggle than that. But his character is so relatable to people who feel unwelcome with their congregation because of something that is a part of them but still feeling a connection to the faith. Kurt actively engaged in his faith and shares how his faith helps him through all the things he has faced in life and how he found a home with those of the church who leave the judging to God.
so they made kurt a priest briefly before deciding to retcon it, resulting in nightcrawler actually being part of a plan by villains to promote him to pope then reveal to the world that the pope is a demon. wild.
I have a side blog and a tattoo about him and i really really want him to win
Wisecracking devil-appearing devout Catholic with the Best superpower (teleportation)? HECK YES
German Catholic circus acrobat who looks like a demon & can teleport through a hellish alternate dimension with a puff of sulfur. Character of all time.
hes catholic and his dad is the devil. what could be funnier than that. also hes my silly little guy.
Nightcrawler is the world’s most fun catholic priest. I first was introduced to this kindhearted teleporting acrobat while he saved a boat full of stowaway refugees from inter dimensional pirates with swashbuckling gusto!
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twig-tea · 26 days
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Ossan's Love Returns: I Love This Show
I have so many feelings about this finale; and they’re very different from my feelings about the Perfect Propose finale (both very good but in extremely different ways) so having experienced both today has been a real emotional journey! 
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This episode left me feeing euphoric. I am not a huge crier, but Ossan’s Love always gets to me, and I cried four times during this finale. Then I rewatched and cried four times again. 
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There is something about how this show does such a good job of capturing complicated and loving relationships of all kinds–romantic, platonic, familial, other–and making me believe that they will support one another through anything, even as they whack each other with frying pans and despair at their loved ones ever having two braincells function at the same time.
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That exasperated, eyes wide open, no illusions about who you’re with kind of love has been in the series from the first season, but in this season it feels so lived in. The comfort that all of the characters have with one another, having all seen one another at their worst already, is palpable. And the way the original gang were so open to the new characters and their absurdities was so touching. 
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There are so many things I love about this show. Haruta and Maki’s relationship makes me feel so proud of them, knowing how far they’ve come from Season 1, and everything they went through in that season and the film to get here. But even just taking the season as a stand-alone, there is so much growth this season. They go from a couple who have not been in the same city together for years to living together, and they have to learn to be in one another’s physical space. They have conversations with both sets of parents, they navigate whether or not to have a wedding, whether or not to have kids, and just how to show appreciation for one another in a long-term relationship. 
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The way Maki said that Haruta was his happiness, and Haruta said that he was happiest just looking at the sky with Maki (because Maki is his happiness too) made me cry twice. Maki is so competent, but Haruta is kind; and it’s his consistent, active kindness that holds their wider found family group together. The way Maki had to learn to actively think about Haruta’s happiness in the same way was that Haruta does all the time, in the same way that Haruta had to learn to be competent in cooking and cleaning so that he could take some of the burden off Maki, this is the stuff that gets to me. 
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The way this found family cares about one another, rallies around whenever one of them needs it, and shows up for one another consistently, also really gets to me. And this show knows exactly what it’s doing–there were some wonderful conversations this episode about what counts as ‘family’, and how sometimes the importance of someone in your life can’t be easily defined but that doesn’t make them any less important (that was another one of the times I cried). The final placard of the show read WE ARE FAMILY in sakura petals, and that’s what made me cry the fourth time (and is making me tear up now to think about). 
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And I can’t think about this gang without thinking about how so many of the relationships in it are complicated, like I mentioned above. The way Maki and Kurosawa cannot be in a scene together without sniping, but Maki calls Kurosawa for help when he needs it and Kurosawa leaves Maki an extremely touching note acknowledging Maki’s importance in Haruta’s life. The way Maro and Haruta are friends but Haruta also chastizes Maro’s causal speech every time they talk. The way Chouko has found a detente with her mother-in-law by bonding over a boy band, and how Chizu relies on the Arais for childcare but feels ashamed that she has to. The way Takegawa wants a relationship so strongly but holds himself back from making a[nother] move on Maki so that Maki and Haruta can have a happy wedding day. The way Haruta can’t return Izumi’s feelings but he leaves room for him to feel them.The way Chouko and Izumi bond over having lost a long-held love. The way everyone thinks Kiku is super suspicious but they still eat his onigiri. The way Kurosawa gifts Kiku his fermentation pot in recognition of the both of them holding onto unrequited love. 
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This show makes me so happy. I could keep explaining all the ways in which it brings me joy, but honestly, just go watch it. It’s on GagaOOLala right now, and @isaksbestpillow is working on improved subs for all episodes (the subs on Gaga are good enough to understand what's going on, but Siiiri's are better for understanding the nuances and jokes). You don’t need to have seen any of the previous content to enjoy this show. If you’ve ever lamented that BL isn’t funny; that BL doesn’t feature established relationships, that BL doesn’t have enough older characters; that JBL couples don’t kiss or show affection, then watch this show.
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tuesday again 1/9/2024
the BEAST (phil) has been SPAYED
listening
my sister ALSO, INDPENDENTLY, keeps tuesdayesqe lists in the back of her planner! which is what i used to do before these posts! You Got A Man by JAWNY is off her 2023 playlist. this philly artist's claim to fame seems to be that he dated doja cat for six months? the song is short, bratty, and fun indie/alt not-quite-rap. i have no knowledge of how much the man overlaps with the song. spotify
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reading
ive never watched supernatural, except by osmosis bc i signed up for this website in 2011. this book is what i imagine people say when they say "what if supernatural was good?"
Rebecca Roanhorse's Trail of Lightning (her debut) and Storm of Locusts takes Maggie, a typical lone hero/monster hunter/horrible bitch of a woman (i say this approvingly) and says listen! you can do way sicker shit if you like. accept help and community and have a support system. it does not read like booktok found family or approach this in the typical fanfic way, which is refreshing. it points out that you will be a much longer lived and successful monster hunter this way. this is optimization, if you really look at it.
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most postapoc stuff doesn’t contend with the fact (if it even acknowledges indigenous people at all) that indigenous people have already lived through several colonizing apocalypses. these books make a very sharp point that there is not a tremendous amount of difference between the reservation before the apocalypse and the reservation after the apocalypse. the worldbuilding in these is a interesting spin on sea levels plus the Energy Wars, to keep all of that at arms' length the Diné built a magical and physical wall, which i think is a funny spin on the trump border wall.
neither of them are really romance or kissing books, there is romantic interest but they are kept extremely busy not dying and admiring each other's competence. they are action and gore heavy. this is notable bc the books are fairly short (took me about two and a half hours each) and they have pretty fuckin good action scenes! the first book has an underground club and fight ring run by a cat god: club atmosphere was terrific (there's a bit about them having to drag in hastily camouflaged cheap walmart tables to handle some overflow and i instantly knew exactly the table), it had a dress up scene I was very weak to. i thought the series of events by which they ended up at the big boss battle post-club was kind of stupid but (forgivably) the big boss battle was quite enjoyable. figuring out what to do with your life next when you’re highly trained for a very specific thing but also not trained enough to be a serious danger and were set up to fail was extremely compelling to me, an astronomy major who cannot actually work in astronomy.
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second book really hits its stride and (girl who has only played fallout voice) feels very fallout-y. desperate quest to save a loved one. girls' trip through a bunch of weird places with a bunch of weird guys. there's a lot of references that play with tone without ever going HEY REMEMBER THIS OTHER WORK YOU COULD GO LOOK AT RIGHT NOW? there’s a plane and a weird guy that made me think of mad max thunderdome, except the weird guy is his own character and has his own arc. there’s a weird grandpa on a boat who i don't think is a reference at all, except maybe to the timeless genre of weird grandpas on boats. there’s a sentient casino trapping people inside that reminded me of the new vegas dead money expansion, except Maggie barely steps inside bc she immediately gets caught up in a day-long battle of wits against the god of gambling. Maggie is a little more settled in her own skin now that she’s regularly talking to other people and has rejoined her community in her own small ways on her own terms and it HAS made her a much more successful monster hunter. the dialogue is snappier, the action scenes are more elaborate and smoothly choreographed. it's nice to watch an author grow so quickly (from this is serviceable to oh SHIT this is fun) over the course of a duology :) this feels like it was meant to be a trilogy but this book came out in 2019 so i am not holding my breath. it has a nice solid endpoint right here imo.
past sexual violence is sort of orbited around but no sexual violence is actually depicted, which i appreciate as a woman trying to enjoy postapoc.
libby has a very helpful Indigenous Voices category/reading guide/thing. thank u libby now i want to read everything else she's ever written
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watching
saw a piece of fanart i cannot find now for the three minute short PUPARIA by Shingo Tamagawa.
Something is about to change drastically. We can only be witnesses to it.
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it's a weird and stunningly beautiful little thing i am still worrying at like a dog with a peanut butter kong. if you have a thing about eyes or clusters of round shapes this is NOT the three minute short for you btw
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playing
the free epic game was the Eidos Montreal Guardians of the Galaxy game, and since i am allergic to dead moms i will not be playing it. widely reviewed as "good writing, but not very much fun to actually play" so i don't feel like i'm missing out on too much.
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i have no good story to tell about my time with genshin this week. we're aiming for "can i turn my brain off for forty minutes in the evening" and grinding a lot of one specific boss while listening to podcasts does seem to be enough to turn my brain off.
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making
i have been frantically deep cleaning (including soaking the office in enzymatic cleaner [thanks phil]) bc my siblings are coming to town for a couple days and despite several setbacks (a completely different arrival time than the one they told me) and absolutely no sense of an itinerary we will be fine! we will all be fine and have fun! i will be SO fine and calm and chill and we will all have some fucking fun so help us god
ALSO also phil has finally been spayed and is now dealing with four separate issues: the giant wound still on her side, the spay incision, the necrotic abscess in her mouth from going too hard on a springy toy, and being underweight from trying to heal three things at once. we'll get there! we'll get there. it's just taking a while. we are going to have friday afternoon vet visits every week for the foreseeable future.
i love her so much and i'm glad she's feeling better but i genuinely think owning a horse would be cheaper than owning this one wonky cat. they shaved SO much of her tummy she looks even sillier than usual.
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other than being Very Alert for the persistent little orange tomcat that keeps hopping up on my windowsill, mackie is doing fine. no concept of the fact that my siblings are going to pick her up more in two days than she gets picked up in a whole month. this is a girl that likes her feet on the ground thanks much
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therealemaskye · 3 months
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okay to preface this real blackbright stans know copernicusjones from ao3 for their extremely outstanding contributions to the blackbright community. a sort of amalgamation of “going postal,” “the road less traveled,” and all of the fics in their blackbright and chill series are basically my blackbright bible. my canon timeline.
if you haven’t read their fics… oh my god. i cannot recommend them to you enough.
if you haven’t played dual destinies PERIOD, this is all just spoilers so my word vomit is under the cut.
so anyway, basically they have this long history together, from working together on simon’s first case to being simon’s correctional officer to being the only person to advocate and believe in simon. of course, EVERYTHING has an added dash of homoerotic tension (both resolved and unresolved). as we get closer to canon, i completely throw out bobby being an unidentified dead body. that’s no fun! i like to believe the phantom came later rather than sooner, and found it especially beneficial to disguise themself as bobby fulbright not only because of his close relationship with simon, but also the fact that bobby was getting close to discovering more than he should about the phantom. instead of murdering him, i think they instead kidnapped bobby and retrieved information from him over the course of events in DD. this could have some added trauma for simon, since i’m sure the phantom would use what they knows of their intimate relationship to their advantage. in the end, the phantom is still uncovered and killed, and the whereabouts of bobby fulbright are unknown: he is pronounced dead.
an honorary funeral is held for the detective, and life must go on for simon blackquill.
bobby, on the other hand, is recovered by interpol while they were retrieving evidence about the phantom. upon discovering just how much bobby is informed about the phantom and his determination to finish what he started, they offer him a place in the bigger picture. since the game is kind of vague about who the phantom works for, i headcanon an underground organization who works with corrupt government officials around the globe, whether it be starting wars with other countries or causing discord and terror in their own. interpol has a mission to end this organization to prevent any more destruction they bring into the world, and bobby is recruited into those efforts. to him, this is the most logical path: he has no family to go back to, everyone thinks he’s dead, and most of all he does not want to cause simon anymore problems than he already has. bobby is now partnered with kay faraday, interpol agent extraordinare.
years go by, and eventually, simon is asked by interpol for assistance on their last stretch of the mission. the action, the drama, the humor, the tension, oh my!!! it would be awesome. simon blackquill: investigations here we come baby.
so that’s my blackbright timeline! i had to vomit it out into the void for my own sanity. i love them so so much.
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thewiglesswonder · 11 months
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I'd be hard pressed to say I don't enjoy collector at all (I have merch of him after all). But my feelings towards him are complicated, he was great in s2, but in s3 I couldn't help but feel like the crew felt like they couldn't redeem him as is. That they felt they needed to absolve him of doing anything actually wrong so all his potential crimes are either nonexistent, blamed on other collectors/belos, or pretty much swept under the rug.
When we saw that collector back in KKKOHD it was like " Oooo this is intriguing, who is this and whats their deal?". Dana even showed off her half of collector's face during the charity event and saying "you've technically already met them" . So it was like "oooo the collector who caught the owl beast!".
And then it keeps ramping up, we have Philip find him, he's introduced as childish but sinister, he has a murder cult who worships him, he slams belos into a wall and angrily forces king to stay with him from luz.
And then-
Nah, he's unaware of death, misunderstood, hates said cult, and not even the same collector we met who caught the owl beast.
It felt like we were building up a very different kind of collector then what we got. This child who played with his food and didn't care who got hurt unless he was having fun, who caused the curse and pissed off the titan so much he hid his son away, and then everything that made him more grey just.... was not his fault at all.
And then on top of this there are just things between ep2 and 3 that don't make sense or are dropped, he doesn't understand death but crosses out a whole chapter in his book explicitly about genocide, which implies he does understand death? Belos tricks him into thinking King wants him dead and collector litterally gets over it by the next episode that i kinda don't see what the point was? He is shown to feel jealous over luz and angry about her arrival, but by the next episode he litterally starts the episode claiming to want to be her friend? How does he know about the cult but not know about death given they KILL titans?
Heck, FTF ends on him sinisterly saying he wants to play a new game, but WAD claims the dream sequence was belos's idea, not his, so its extremely misleading.
I'm not even opposed to the idea of a character being built up to be sinister only to reveal they never actually were and it was just a lie built on misunderstandings and paranoia. But it didn't feel nearly as well built up as it could've been.
And then on top of this, collector cries over luz dying as if its the first time he's felt this way, despite knowing her as a friend for a few hours max? He's never cried before? Not when the titans who were his friends were killed or when he got locked up? And then despite this being here to teach him about death being permanent, luz basically instantly comes back.
And after all of this, after what he did to the people on the isles, he just....leaves. he doesn't stay to help repair the isles that he partially damaged, and despite the show having a found family message and collector not wanting to be alone....he leaves....to be alone. So his redemption rests on a few hours of life lessons with luz, luz's not permanent death, and then thats enough to change his whole world view so its perfectly fine if he goes off on his own now I guess.
Collector pretty much goes out entirely unpunished for anything, the isles shows no lasting anger to him, he keeps his friendship with king, luz didn't actually die, so there's really no strong consequences for what he did. He feels bad for the draining spell and stuff but thats really it, he doesn’t stay to repent or anything. I know he's a child but he might be the child character who got off the easiest for his actions this entire series, and what he was responsible for wasn't light either.
I like the idea behind collector, but I don't understand entirely the love surrounding him because the writing surrounding him and his arc is confusing and it read to me like they were bending over backwards to erase any trace of him doing anything bad of his own violation or just not taking it as seriously as they should of.
Trying to redeem a collector who did intentionally hurt others , who does work hard to repent, and who learns over a longer period of time, would of felt more satisfying and would've been more interesting.
I hardly have anything to add to this, you've summed up pretty much every issue I take with the little guy! I'm not denying that he's a bad concept or a bad character, the execution of his supposed arc and intensely conflicting information we were given about him through the course of the last half of the show, coupled with the fact that he's always kind of felt like he appeared out of nowhere to me, I hate to say it, but he really hurts the narrative more than he helps it as-is. More energy, time, and really thought put into him would soothe a lot of these issues.
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akai-anna · 2 months
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Now for my dear DCMK exchange gift giver. I come with some fic recs and a couple of headcanons for our favourite certified lil guy.
A selection of personal fic recs of the platonic/familial/friendship kind (sprinkled with a bit of romance too). Please note that all these fics come back to one thing: Shinichi/Conan is involved, as he tends to be my main focus (also I'm a huge Found Family trope lover, as you might be able to tell from some of these recs). I also decided to forgo my soulmate AU recs, since it seems you likely know those! (Though, if you'd ever like more fic recs... just let me know. And I hope you'll find one or two on this list that you haven't yet read and you'll like!)
warm soup on a frigid night: Detective Boys centric, my heart melted gosh.
Once and For All: another Detective Boys centric fic, I'M SCREAMING thEY ARE SO PRECIOUS.
A Friend In Need: Kaitou KID centric, really love how organic this fic is, both from KID's and Shinichi's POV.
You Have an Hour: Sonoko's POV and an extremely funny and relatable fic.
You're okay, you're safe: oh, my beloved Sakura Trio, also from Sonoko's POV which I adore, and Sonoko's feelings in this... I feel her.
Switched: KID centric, FREAKING BODY SWAP, and so well written too, very fun read.
Guide you home: I love the Guide/Sentinel universe so much, this has romantic KaiAo, Heizuha, ShinRan, and lots of other platonic combinations, this is also a case fic and emotional.
Identity: One of my favourite scenarios, OCCHAN AND RAN BEING AWARE FROM THE BEGINNING, MY HEART-
Code Red: KOGOROU CENTRIC, let him shine!
The Cloning Secret: do you want to read something absolutely heart-wrenching, disturbing, yet absolutely brilliant? Go no further. We warned: this is a work in progress.
Misconceptions, Illusions, and Lies (and Other Forms of Fair Play): I absolutely adore this fic, the idea of Ran and KID working together, also bonus points for different POVs, also a work in progress.
Shenanigans in Beika: one of my ultimate favourite fic series, off all time, the interactions in this are just way too charming and precious and dear. Also a work in progress.
until the flowers bloom again: same author (yes, one of my favourite authors, sue me) as Shenanigans in Beika, involves the Detective Boys and ShinRan, and my heart just... gosh, this fic is so precious.
Hidden Epidemic: I love the first part the most, but this as a whole has a lot of headcanons incorporated into it that I love to bits. Lots of POV changes, and so many characters (Detective Boys, Heiji, Kazuha, KID, Ran and so on)
pet: super short, but also SUPER CUTE, absolutely in love with the idea of Ai having a cat. (one of my favourite authors for the fandom)
(the space between) where you smile and hide: one of the very few and precious Kazuha POV fics, especially her thinking about Shinichi. (also one of my favourite authors, and if you like one Hattori Heiji, I highly rec holly's other fics too)
Observations: my ultimate favourite fic involving Takagi Wataru, part of it is from his POV too, and it has so many great things about it. (VERMOUTH!!! Also Heiji and Satou working together! And most importantly: Takagi finally getting an answer to his Question.)
All Night Gang: I ADORE THIS FIC SO SO SO MUCH, THE FACT THAT KAZUHA AND RAN GET TO FINALLY KNOW. Also the adorable chatting in the first part. All the different POVs later on. And all the FEELINGS AND HEADCANONS AND THE THING THIS FIXES ABOUT CANON FOR ME. I'M so grateful for the existence of this fic.
Nothing To Lose: Detective Boys, PRECIOUS CHILDREN, they just miss their friend, this fic made me so emotional, dammit. SHINICHI YOU FCKIN IDIOT-
Family of the heart: God. This fic. THIS FIC. I LOVE PARENTAL MOURI KOGOROU WITH A PASSION.
never were and not anymore: this series? Damn. The shapeshifter concept in it is MARVELOUS AND MASTERFUL. The way it got merged into the universe, and how it changed events. Also THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS KILL ME in the best way.
Scion: I absolutely adore this author, and this is one of my ultimate favourite fics involving Shinichi and KID. The supernatural element is so exquisitely fitting into the universe, and how Shinichi's feelings are so complex, and the teamwork... just. Everything about this fic pulls at my heartstrings.
As for personal headcanons for Shinichi/Conan, here is a few:
Shinichi/Conan is neurodivergent as fck. I personally like to think he is on the autism spectrum, but I'm very flexible on the exact nature. One thing for sure: he is not neurotypical. At. All.
HE'S A CERTIFIED PENCIL BITER YOUR HONOUR!!! (IT'S NOT EVEN A HEADCANON AT THIS POINT- *GETS HIT*)
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No one can tell me, No One, that after all these traumatic experiences this child doesn't experience panic attacks or PTSD.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE STOPPED PLAYING SOCCER, HE LOVES SOCCER!! (The kids are totally the reason he got more involved in soccer again, YOU HEAR ME-)
Shinichi keeping gloves on his person for Crime Scene Examination Purposes, At All Times.
Shinichi having his own shorthand, you cannot tell me he doesn't TAKE NOTES, he so totally WOULD. (HE HAS A NOTEBOOK ON HIM!!! AND SOMETHING TO WRITE WITH!!! OFC HE WOULD HAVE AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO TAKE NOTES!!!)
Thank you for your attention, may you have a blessed day, darling!
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lwh-writing · 1 year
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Writing idea that has surely been done before, but I haven't seen for some unholy reason: the Baudelaires (a la Series of Unfortunate Events) are taken in by the Addams Family.
Mr. Poe drops the Baudelaires off at the Addams mansion and the poor kiddos almost have flashbacks because it reminds them of Count Olaf's mansion
They're fine though because they realize that the Addams mansion is actually stylish, as the Addams, unlike Olaf, have taste
Lurch shows them in and Morticia and Gomez are extremely welcoming, immediately treating the Baudelaires like their long-lost children despite the fact that they have A.) never met, and B.) are in fact their fifth cousins, three times removed
The Baudelaires get settled for the night and wake up the next morning to find out that the Addams are surprisingly good????
Like, the booby traps and odd turns of phrase are a bit concerning, but the moment they mentioned any unease, Morticia and Gomez began offering solutions to rectify that, and now Violet, Klaus, and Sunny have scheduled lessons on how to wield their weapons of choice, so.... it's going well?
Granny Frump is absolutely delighted to have a helper in the kitchen. Little Sunny is still learning her way around the more potent poisons, but her suggestions on the pufferfish were simply inspired.
Klaus has open access to the Addams' library and the various notes left in the margins of Frankenstein critiquing the "doctor's" necromancy techniques are both educational and hilarious
Violet meets Pugsley working on some bomb or other and the ensuing debate about how to best blow something up is the longest and most passionate conversation Violet has engaged in since before the Terrible Fire(TM).
Eventually Wednesday comes back from Nevermore Academy and the Baudelaires are like "Shit, this is where it all goes bad." But Wednesday just takes it in stride and now Klaus has found himself the test audience and editor of Wednesday's now-finished novel
The Baudelaires end up enjoying themselves immensely, which makes them kind of melancholy because they think about everyone they're missing, namely the Quagmires.
Gomez sees this and asks what's wrong and when they mention the Quagmires, he's just like "Ah, that's easily fixed! Let me call my brother!"
Uncle Fester shows up four days later with Duncan, Isadora, and Quigley in tow. Duncan and Isadora have not stopped hugging their long-lost triplet, but Quigley is perfectly alright with that, thankyouverymuch.
The Quagmires get settled and eventually one of the kid's finally ask "When are you going to try and steal our family fortune?" because none of the poor babies are used to genuine care and affection without some motive behind it
"Now why would we do that?" Morticia asks, "We have enough problems lavishly donating the billions we already have. Why would we possibly want more of the damned green paper?"
The Baudelaires and the Quagmires have a nice cry over this, and then get settled again, extremely happy and content with life
Count Olaf & co. try to come and pull their shit again, but they don't even get past the front door before the Addams scare them off.
School time rolls around again and Wednesday returns to Nevermore with all of her siblings. When asked what type of Outcast they are, they all just say "We're Addams's". The new, poor principal is just like "Yep, that tracks" and signs off on their admission papers with no further questions
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yamino · 11 months
Note
When I discovered Sailor Moon (the show, not the character) as a queer teenager, the moment I found out about Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus, they had my heart. On the other hand, it seems like the Inner Scouts speak more to you. I was wondering if you could talk a bit about what appeals to you about the Inners? I've been curious about this for ages but every time I tried to ask, it always sounded so confrontational, like JUSTIFY WHY YOU LIKE MERCURY AND NOT NEPTUNE NOW, NOW! For the record, I think the Inners are awesome as well (especially Mercury ♥ 🌊) and I'm just interested in hearing different perspectives.
When I was a young teen and first got into Sailor Moon, I was also obsessed with Uranus and Neptune! I drew so much art of them and they were extremely formative for me as a young queer person desperate for representation.
As I have revisited the fandom now in my mid 30's, I'm still enamored with HaruMichi, but I have also become a lot less interested in monogamous ships, in general. After a while, it feels repetitive and predictable. When it comes to poly ships, they are all so situationally and emotionally unique, that makes them extremely interesting and challenging to me to write.
I've also grown a lot more fond of the main characters (aka the inner senshi) because I neglected them most of my childhood in favor of focusing soley on HaruMichi.
I think there's an amazing potential for a very interesting poly ship with the inner senshi, especially as they all basically exist to love/protect one person, their princess. (Although admittedly, Usagi is my least favorite and the least interesting to me, lol.) I like all the different dynamics they have with each other one-on-one and as a unit.
I'm particularly interested in the ships that barely get any attention. Back in my day, Inners-shipping was basically a free-for-all with no one ship dominating the others.
But when it comes to Inners ships, fandom these days is basically just Reinako and MakoAmi, which is fine but not super compelling to me compared to their much more layers and complex group dynamic. I'm particularly interested in the one-on-one dynamics that get slept on in favor of the focus on Reinako/Makoami, like... what about Mina/Mako? Rei/Ami? A Rei sandwich between Usagi and Mina?
Romance/shipping aside, there's so much to dive into with their shared experiences and trauma. Child soldiers who have died for each other, over and over and over. Through multiple lifetimes, even. That kind of bond is compelling.
As for HaruMichi, I am actually planning a comic about them with my wife right now, potentially to become a series of short comics about the Outers family. Rather than focusing on HaruMichi as a couple, I really like thinking of them in terms of the whole family with Hotaru as their adopted kid and Setsuna being a co-parent (and who knows... maybe more?)
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nbwriteschaos · 13 days
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re: writing commissions.
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---- my writing commissions are OPEN! all info can be found within this post or in this google doc. please dm for any inquiry or request!!
!!!fiction, nonfiction, original works, smut, etc!!!
1 thousand words ♡ $10 USD
2 thousand words ♡ $12 USD
3 thousand words ♡ $15 USD
4 thousand words ♡ $20 USD
5 thousand to 10 thousand words ♡ starts at $25 USD
---- all payments are processed through paypal only. payments must be submitted first before i begin the commission. refunds are not available but i will rewrite a commission if you are not satisfied :)
more below ...
(this may format a little funny as i'm copying and pasting some info from my doc, sorry!!)
-- as for pricing
((I do not accept negotiations as far as pricing! I’ve priced my commissions based on what I think my time and effort is worth while also maintaining affordability. There are to be NO REFUNDS.  If you are unsatisfied with the result of your commission I am open to rewriting it once more to ensure your satisfaction. All payments are accepted through Paypal. I am working on opening some sort of website to provide the best experience for commissions as well, but for now, Paypal and Tumblr are the best I’ve got. 
Please let it be noted that although I am an experienced writer, I do not have the qualifications of a professional published author. I am simply a person at their laptop trying to build a future career as a writer :)
You will not be charged if I go over your paid word count!!
Custom word counts between 5k and 10k will be charged based on how I see fit. **It will not go over $60 USD** ))
-- as for boundaries
i will write mostly anything. even if it seems a little questionable, i'll probably do it. for example:
a super sad angsty character death probably nobody but yourself would want to read, that one coffee shop/tattoo artist au you've been wanting to read but can't find on ao3, or like, idk, a fantasy involving d*bcon, f*rry, p*ssplay, whump/whumpee, mpr*g, terat*philia (monster fucking), obscure s*xual organs, g*re (ask me about this one if you are looking for smut involving g*re), v*yeurism, size differences, or other common k*nks.
i do request some sort of age verification if you are commissioning for smut.
strict NOs:
No extreme depictions of SH or s*icide. No animal a*use, death or g*re. Nothing depicting extreme homophobia or transphobia. No politics or opinion-based pieces of writing. No depictions of child or adult a*use of any kind. No extreme drug use. No underage, fe*derism, sc*t/f*rts/underarms/feet/sneezing, be*stiality, n*ncon, age pl*y/massive age difference, inc*st.
i have a right to deny any commission for any reason!
-- as for fandoms
I can and will attempt to write for any fandom I am not familiar with so long as there is enough info that has been provided for it!! However, I can’t guarantee it will be perfect. Here are fandoms I am familiar with and will write for: 
Anime/Cartoons: Genshin Impact, My Hero Academia, Tokyo Ghoul, Toilet Bound Hanako Kun, Fullmetal Alchemist, Death Note, Chainsaw Man, Spy x Family, Jujutsu Kaisen, My Melody, Free!!!, Haikyuu!!!, One Punch Man, Mob Psycho 100, Demon Slayer, Hunter x Hunter, JJBA, Black Butler, Bungou Stray Dogs, Yuri on Ice, Kakegurui, Attack on Titan, Noragami, Adventure Time, Steven Universe. Probably more, just ask! 
Books: The Raven Cycle, The Dreamer Trilogy, Simon Snow Trilogy, The Foxhole Court series. Monstrous Series. Anything more obscure check out my Goodreads profile!! 
I am 100% down to write your original characters and plots!! In fact, I encourage it! For maximum accuracy, please provide as much information as you can for each character, plot, setting, etc! 
if you have any other questions feel free to send a DM or an ask and i'll get back to you as soon as possible! you can also check out the doc to see if it is answered there!
if you read this far, please feel free to reblog just to spread the love. i'd really appreciate it! thank you!!!
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cheesytoucans · 13 days
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A Loving Analysis of Charlie Morningstar
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While I realize that this might be premature, and that Charlie will undoubtedly continue to change and grow as more seasons come out, I cannot help but look at her character as it stands now. Even in this state of prematurity I’ve found her and the themes that she represents to be extremely compelling and she seems to me to be very misunderstood or at the least not looked at enough in terms of her character.
I do not think it’s a stretch to say that Charlie is, at her core, a living embodiment of the themes of love, redemption, and forgiveness, that the show is trying to portray and the pain that she goes through attempting to instill this upon others has been nothing short of heartbreaking to me. 
So here’s something that’s way too long and self indulgent but that I had no choice but to write anyway, broken down into helpful little sections to hopefully be at least a little bit cohesive. 
Guilt: 
It’s clear to me that the guilt that Charlie feels for being hellborn and therefore having access to power and resources that most others in Hell do not brings her nothing but shame and agony. This is all something that we need to interpret based on her body language and actions as it’s never something that she would come right out and say but I do think that it’s a major aspect of her character that stuck out to me when I first watched the series. 
There’s a moment very early on that sticks out to me in episode one. Lute talks about how Charlie and her hellborn kind are pardoned from the extermination by Lucifer and then asks her the question: “How does that feel? To know how little you matter.” Charlie is speechless and then has some amazing body language that really epitomizes these feelings of guilt she has. 
I think it’s important to note here that expressions like this are very rare for Charlie. There’s something to be said about the ways in which she seems to hide her uglier emotions. The horns only seem to come out when she’s extremely angry and even then they’re a blink and you miss it kind of reaction. She’s so good at pulling her anger back that we don’t even see that tail of hers until someone dies.
Even the times we see her cry in the series are either for emotions like love, like when Angel forgave her for crashing the studio, or she very quickly attempts to cover them up when she’s actually in distress like with Vaggie in the last episode. Even when she cries when Pentious dies she’s immediately covering her eyes and then hastily replacing those emotions with anger and even though that’s also an emotion she seems to try and hide she also appears to be more ok with that one showing when it comes to the safety of her family. So rarely is her genuine distress on full display, she doesn’t even want to show it to Vaggie of all people when they’re alone in the hallway. Appearing to be strong and put together even when she’s dying inside and just wants to break down seems to be very normal for her. 
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So when we see these emotions from her genuinely on display I think it says a lot about how she’s feeling, that she’s so lost in her own trauma that she can’t even remember to try and hide it. At first there’s a look of anger at Lute, like she’s trying to remain the intimidating princess of Hell who needs to convince these people at all costs and she cannot look weak.
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And then that mask breaks and there’s a look of genuine shock on her face, like she can’t believe that someone just said that to her. And this is not shock in the context of contempt or anger, this is a painful kind of shock where she has been truly hurt by those words but doesn’t want to believe that someone would be so cruel so casually. 
I’d like to pause here and remark that we’ve seen just how Charlie reacts when people are mean to her friends. We’ve seen those horns come out and eyes turn red when Angel is thrown around by Valentino, and she didn’t even get to see the worst of it. We can speculate all day about what she would have done if Angel hadn’t stopped her but I think that’s less important in this context. What matters is that she was driven to the point of true unfiltered rage at her friend being threatened and we need to remember that it’s a lot for Charlie to do that, the last thing she wants to do is throw around her power and hurt people. 
However, this anger is not extended to her own safety. The only time that demonic anger flares up here with Adam and Lute is right after the line: “so give up your dumb endeavor, cause you don’t have a shot.” Charlie is more angry at the mention of her dreams being seen as stupid than she is at Lute insulting her person and even then those horns are gone in a flash.
Lute telling her that she doesn’t matter just brings her pure and unadulterated sorrow that cuts so deep she can’t even say a word to defend herself. The guilt is so absolutely all encompassing for her that it only brings pain, anger seems the furthest thing from her mind.
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Finally though, after the shock has passed and Charlie seems to process what Lute has said, she starts to frantically glance around the room which could be read in a few different ways. To me though it always came off like she was desperately looking for an out. Kind of in the same way an animal might start looking around the room for an escape route. I think she has been so hurt by what Lute said, the guilt has started to worm its way up her soul, that for a second she is genuinely considering bolting from the room, even if it’s just on a subconscious level and she doesn’t actively think that thought. 
This could also be read as her no longer being able to make eye contact because of just how much this hurt her which I think is also a valid interpretation considering how much both physical contact and eye contact seem to matter to Charlie. This is also something we can see in the last episode when she and Vaggie have their duet. Charlie is very reluctant to make eye contact until Vaggie comforts her with physical touch. She glances towards her once at the beginning when Vaggie first starts to sing but then quickly looks away again. She only maintains eye contact after Vaggie touches her cheek and Charlie grabs onto her arm, signifying just how much Vaggie is soothing her with the song. 
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Lastly, after the shock and the pain have permeated her, she begins to curl into herself, her arms subtly coming closer to her chest and her shoulders sinking in. This is of course a classic way that we self sooth. I don’t think she realizes she’s doing it as most people probably don’t but bringing your arms closer to yourself is instinctual to protect your chest and therefore your heart when you’re feeling threatened. Doing so can make us feel safer since we feel like we’re taking steps to protect ourselves.
Charlie is feeling so threatened and hurt by this one line that she is desperately trying to make herself feel better in any way she can. Just the thought of her getting a free pass on death while her people live in fear of true absolute death at the hands of Heaven is enough to make her feel so much guilt that even all of her love and kindness does not save her. It makes her begin to spiral into her own thoughts and she’s only pulled out of it by the distraction from Adam that they don’t have much time left and if she doesn’t convince him of the hotel now she’ll miss her chance. 
This is just one moment from episode one but these feelings of guilt continue to color her actions into the series and I can only assume before that as well. The sadness that Charlie hides from the world is always there and I don’t think it’s about to go away anytime soon, just like I don’t think her survivor's guilt is going to go away even as people start to get redeemed. I don’t want this to come off though like Charlie’s actions are any worse just because they’re fueled partly by this guilt. 
At the end of the day the fact of the matter is that Charlie is doing an immense amount of good. She may have no idea what she’s doing half the time and it may go completely wrong and take a lot of different winding paths but the journey she’s on is a good one. Someone just needs to try and it may not be perfect but I don’t think it’ll ever be, even after she finds out that she’s actually been able to redeem someone. The important thing is that someone, anyone, is standing up for those who have nothing and defying a deeply unjust system that everyone follows because of a learned helplessness and a true lack of autonomy. 
Charlie’s reasons for doing what she does can only really hurt herself as she doesn’t really seem to care for herself at the best of times and instead runs off to continue to help others. She’s in desperate need of a break and someone to talk to about her feelings of immense guilt and her fear of being abandoned but unfortunately, the ones who she should be able to talk to are partly the problem to begin with.  
Mommy and Daddy:
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We can make all the jokes in the world about Charlie's mommy and daddy issues, and believe me I have, but the way her parents have treated her has made a huge impact on her personality. We don’t really know exactly how Lilith treated her daughter growing up so we don’t have much choice but to make some assumptions here. I do think it’s safe to say that an adult who runs off on their own child for years on end when they’re in desperate need of a stable, loving, guiding hand in life can only be described as indifferent at best and down right neglectful at worst and frankly I do not care how old Charlie is because she clearly needs her mother. Age should not be the deciding factor on the amount of love a parent gives their own child. 
What we do know about how Lilith has impacted Charlie seems to manifest in much smaller and subtle ways. We know that Lilith was the one to inspire Hell when Heaven came knocking and we can assume that this penchant for rebellion was passed down to Charlie, albeit in what I can only assume to be a vastly different tone. When it comes down to it though, we know that Charlie desperately wants to believe that Lilith must be doing something important and that in turn must mean that she has Charlie’s best intentions in mind. I have my doubts as to whether or not this is true but for right now we can only speculate. 
When it comes to her father he clearly loves her with a passion that I rarely see with men in media (though if you find that to be an interesting character trait I would recommend you read a Justin Cronin book, specifically The Ferryman, as his depictions of love and anguish a man can have towards a daughter immediately came to mind when watching More Than Anything for the first time. I’d also recommend Salvage This World by Michael Farris Smith for the same reasons.) but it’s also difficult for me to forget about the impact that his neglect and then sudden return to Charlie’s life had on her. 
I do not in any way think that Lucifer is overall a bad father but rather that the mistakes he’s made have had a direct impact on Charlie’s world views both for the better and the worse. At the end of the day I find him to be a very realistic and complex father who loves his daughter but just truly does not know what to say to her, which is amusing in its own right considering he’s the actual devil but that’s just part of the show’s charm in my opinion. All of this to say that his neglect of her has led to a good chunk of her character flaws. One of the biggest being her constant need for love and validation. 
This is something that I don’t think we’re really going to see in full for a while but I do think it’s still pertinent now, especially with the major character drama that we see between Lucifer and Alastor. Charlie is the kind of person who just wants to see the good in people. She wants to believe that everyone has the best intentions and can be reasoned with if she just finds the right words to say. At the same time she carries an immense amount of power both literally and from a political standpoint. Having Charlie on your side could mean a huge leg up in whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish. 
Alastor is what I can only lovingly call a master manipulator. He took one look at Charlie and saw someone who was incredibly driven but also incredibly kind and knew that he could use that for his own gain. While we don’t yet know exactly what he wants from her we do know how he’s going to get it and we see that in song form during Hell’s Greatest Dad. 
To Alastor Lucifer is a threat to his hold on Charlie. If Charlie becomes too close to her father that could mean that he might recognize Alastor’s manipulation for what it is and take Alastor completely out of the picture, in whatever form he sees fit. This leads to their fight in episode 5 where Alastor uses both Lucifer’s guilt at his neglect of his daughter as well as Charlie’s need for love against them at the same time. 
Charlie states that while she and Lucifer are not exactly on bad terms, they’ve never really been close and I think it’s clear from the very beginning just how that’s affected her. There’s this sort of deep loneliness and anxiety that seems to come out of Charlie from time to time. For all her attempts at showcasing love and positivity to anyone and everyone who comes within a square mile of her, she can’t help but let it slip from time to time just how difficult things can be for her. 
Her mother and father never being around has led her to believe that she needs to do anything and everything on her own but at the same time she needs to be told that what she’s doing isn’t stupid or useless. She has never once had her ideas be proven true. She’s run into so much opposition that at this point it’s a miracle that she continues to try at all. This would be difficult for anyone but for someone who loves as deeply as she does it’s a continual deep cut into her psyche that she tries to patch at any opportunity. 
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The look of complete happiness and relief on Charlie’s face when Alastor says that they’re so proud of her for what she’s accomplished is enough to make a bystander feel for her, let alone her own father standing right there. Alastor of course knows this and uses this information to try and keep the favor on him and not Lucifer. Charlie and her father do manage to have a very sweet moment in More Than Anything and while it’s not enough to totally repair their relationship it’s certainly a start.
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I’d like to draw special attention to More Than Anything and specifically the body language from Charlie during the line: “I’ll shelter and adore you more than anything.” This entire time Charlie has been desperately trying to get Lucifer to take her seriously. It’s clear that he is protective to a fault where he is so terrified of Charlie making the same mistakes that he did that he will not allow Charlie to even try at all. 
But to Charlie Lucifer is where her need to fight for her dreams came from in the first place. Lilith may have inspired the rebellion in her but it was Lucifer championing free will above all that got her to start dreaming of something better. Something where people don’t have to fight and can instead work on just being better people. 
So when Lucifer grabs her and pulls her in, talking about how he will shelter her from all the wrongs in the world, Charlie puts her hand on his arm in a gesture that always seemed to me like she was about to push him away. She doesn’t want him to baby her, all she wants from him is to support her and be with her while she works towards her dreams. 
We need to remember just how long Charlie has been on her own. Even when Lilith was around it appears like her father wasn’t in the picture much. The separation from Lilith just seems to have made that fracture even deeper. Even with all of that though, even after being abandoned and then babied by her father, she still wants him around and makes a genuine attempt to connect with him for the first time in a long time with this song. Charlie just loves so much and feels so deeply that she cannot forsake her father even with everything that’s happened. 
It is love that defines Charlie and to love someone means to forgive them. 
Redemption and love:
What exactly does it take to redeem someone? What makes them worthy of that redemption in the first place? Is it naive to believe that love and forgiveness can drag a person back from the darkness even when everyone and everything is constantly trying to pull them back? 
One of my favorite aspects of the show is its overall themes of redemption and the ways that Charlie encompasses those themes. This is one of the biggest aspects of Charlie’s character that I think gets glossed over too much and I want to highlight just how much I think that this part of her character is not in any way something to demean. I find this often in fiction that features characters like Charlie. It must say something about how we view emotions like love and forgiveness and kindness to look at someone who constantly and unconditionally champions such things to others and ask: “Why are you so naive to think that something like that is even possible? Are you so stupid that you think that’ll actually work?” 
I’d like to be clear that I do indeed think it’s naive to assume that something as complex as “redemption” can be brought about just by cleaning up your act and role playing your middle school DARE program with all your friends in your living room. You know and I know that we cannot make amends for all of our wrong doings by pretending they aren’t there anymore. This is especially true when, for a lot of the cast, these so called “wrong doings” exist because of systemic issues that they simply cannot escape from. Angel cannot just walk away from everything that keeps him both literally and metaphorically chained to Valentino and the very act of being chained to such a monster has caused him to spiral down into any sort of reprieve that he could possibly get his hands on, even when such things may be making everything so much worse in the long run. 
That being said though, while I understand that the ways in which she goes about seeking redemption for her people may be naive on the surface, at their core I believe that the emotions and intentions that power these actions are nothing short of admirable. It’s truly a test of your soul to look at the worst that humanity has to offer and still say that they are deserving of love. As Lucifer so aptly puts it: “They got gifted free will and look at what they did with it!” To Lucifer they could have done anything with that free will and all it got them in the end was a trip straight to Hell where they proceeded to learn nothing and be nothing more than exactly what they were on Earth. 
To Charlie though, a person is not defined by their sins. Not only that but their sins do not in any way mean that they deserve an eternity of suffering or that they should be brutally slaughtered by the very ones who claim that this is just how things are meant to be. Charlie will look at someone who ten minutes ago was trying to kill her, who has done nothing with their afterlife but bring about more suffering and destruction and does not see, or just does not care about the hurt they have caused, and she will offer them true forgiveness and love for the first time in a long time, maybe in forever. 
And I really, really want to stress here that coming from Charlie this love and forgiveness is truly unconditional. The only thing that Charlie requires is that you want it. If you ask for forgiveness it’s yours in a heartbeat.
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This of course can absolutely be detrimental to her and we see this in just how much she wants to trust Alastor even when both the audience and Charlie herself can see just what a bad idea this is. Charlie just hopes deep down that in the end he will accept the love that she’s giving him and maybe that’ll mean he will try for her just like Sir Pentious decided to finally stop fighting and start trying. It of course remains to be seen whether or not his character arc will follow anything of the sort but I remain hopeful for Charlie’s sake as well as his own.
As I said at the beginning though Charlie is truly the living embodiment of the themes that the show is trying to portray. In the absence of a God or a religion that is offering unconditional love the devil’s daughter offers it instead. While Adam and the angels want to act like heaven is just and kind while simultaneously committing atrocities on those that they view as lesser, Charlie says it doesn’t matter what they have to say about you, I still love you. 
I find this to be fascinating in that Charlie is the antithesis to a lot of toxic fundamental religious beliefs that want to say that God’s love is unconditional but then proceed to pile on condition after condition until you’re not sure just how many of these rules you’ve already broken by the time you’ve had breakfast for the day. Charlie is of course not a God and she makes mistake after mistake in her endeavors. She has a tendency to get too excited and rush off without thinking. Sometimes she gets foot in mouth syndrome and doesn’t think about how her words might hurt people like Angel or Vaggie who are trying their best but tend to fumble because of their own self worth issues.
But at the end of the day I think the beauty of her love comes in its simplicity. She does not need complicated rules and conditions for it to be meaningful. It is meaningful because it’s pure love for those with no love for themselves, with nothing asked for in return, and it does not need the catalyst of God or religion. It’s love that comes from deep down in her soul and she doesn’t even require you to love her back for her to fight for you, she’d do it regardless. 
That’s part of why I think Sir Pentious and his redemption work so well. Truly all that was needed of him was love. This is something that I don’t think will work on everyone because of the aforementioned systemic issues but for people like Pentious all he really needed was to be loved and love someone back. Seemingly he has spent his entire afterlife fighting turf wars and marking out territory and trying to earn respect through violence and the only love that he’s had has been artificially created by himself with the eggs boys.
It makes perfect sense to me then that when he has finally had enough, when he’s at his absolute lowest and is ready to be killed for every single horrible thing he’s ever done in this afterlife, Charlie puts a stop to it with a single sentence: “It starts with sorry.” Because to apologize requires humility and humility requires you to truly care about the people you’ve hurt. To allow yourself to put your pride aside and say that you’re sorry even when it’s difficult for you to do so is a test of love that a lot of us struggle with. It’s not easy to make yourself so vulnerable like that but Pentious allowing himself to feel those emotions opened the door for him to accept the love that Charlie was offering and in turn learn to love others. 
After that moment with Charlie, Pentious proceeds to make incredible strides with his emotions and comes to care for the residents of the hotel in his own way. He cares for Nifty at the club, cries when Charlie reconnects with her father, pets KeeKee on the couch, and flirts with Cherri in his own genuine and nervous way (also as a side note I’d like to say that the line from Husk that Pentious watches the residents sleep sometimes was probably meant to come off as mostly kind of creepy and amusing, I found it to also be sweet in the sense that I read it as the way that a parent might watch a child sleep to ensure they were still breathing, sort of a “please don’t leave me now that I finally have you” sort of thing.)
I don’t think him kissing Cherri and confessing his love at the end was in any way the only deciding factor to his redemption but I do think it was a good exclamation point at the end of his emotional journey. It was proof once and for all that he was finally okay being seen as vulnerable. He was allowing himself to actually feel and love the emotion of love instead of being scared that it would make him weak and open to attack from others. Telling someone you love them requires trust, it requires you to believe that them and those around them will not hurt you and I think at the end Pentious finally accepts all of this. He has taken the love that Charlie gave him and amplified it and put it back out into the world to maybe do a little good for once and that right there is what I think made him qualified for redemption, it just needed a little love. 
So ultimately Charlie may not consciously understand what exactly gets someone redemption but she sure did land on it by accident. She gave Pentious the tools to fuel his own redemption whether she realized it or not because all he needed was for someone to try for him. He could have taken Charlie’s mercy and ran back off into Hell to continue to do what he’s been doing this entire time and keep hurting others in the process but he didn’t. He needed someone to actually care about him and give him love, he needed Charlie, but not only that, he needed the security and friendship of the rest of the hotel. Even when Charlie is not there she has given them all a place that they can be okay in. Even if it’s not perfect and shit always seems to be going down, even with Alastor’s ulterior motives, that hotel is still the safest place any of them have had in a long long time. 
Vaggie: 
On the topic of love and the simplicity of Charlie’s, I would be remiss to not talk about Vaggie and her relation to Charlie now. I have to say to start that I honestly find the people who talk about their relationship as if they have no chemistry or “they feel like friends and not girlfriends” to be extremely amusing to me. While I understand that their relationship dynamic may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I also think it’s just inherently incorrect to say that they’re poorly written or don’t feel as though they’re actually dating. 
Just as a personal indulgence I would like to interject and say that while I get that a lot of people want their fictional relationships to be messy and have drama my crusty old self personally loves the biblical levels of beautiful tragedy that Charlie and Vaggie have going on and I find their subtle, comforting love to be very cathartic to me. Just the idea of love between a fallen angel and the devil’s daughter is enough to get me interested and then add on the fact that the angel is fallen because she showed mercy to a single one of the princess’s people and they just love each other so much and would do anything for each other, makes me go feral, but I digress. 
I want everyone to keep in mind what I’ve said about Charlie’s love so far while talking about Vaggie. Remember simple and remember unconditional, those are the two fundamentals of Charlie’s love that are constantly on display with Vaggie. I find it very remarkable just how much the body language between Vaggie and Charlie exhibits the love and comfort that the two have for each other especially in a medium like animation where every flick of the eye and turn of the mouth and hand gesture is another cut that someone out there needs to draw. That tells me that there was significant effort put forth to show a couple like Charlie and Vaggie who have been together for years and know exactly what to expect while also making sure that their love was simultaneously not downplayed or inadvertently exploited for sex appeal. It’s a very fine line to walk but I feel as though the show did a very good job of it all. 
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There are so many tiny little moments throughout just about every single episode of the season that have body language showing the love that Charlie and Vaggie share. Just from the first episode alone there’s Charlie sliding over on the couch just to lean on Vaggie’s legs. There’s Vaggie cupping Charlie’s cheek while she tells her she has faith in her dream. There’s the small soft look that Vaggie gives Charlie when Charlie grabs her hands at the beginning of Happy Day in Hell. 
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Even putting aside body language for a second there’s also the way that Vaggie tries to continue to make the commercial with Charlie gone even though it means she ends up having to work with Alastor who she hates specifically because she doesn’t trust him around Charlie. There’s also how Charlie is hesitant to tell Vaggie at first that Adam didn’t listen to her because she doesn’t want to let her down when she believes so much in Charlie. 
I also really like their little character drama in episode three because I think it really exemplifies just how trusting they are in their relationship while also highlighting their character flaws at the same time. Charlie is so trusting of Vaggie that she’s willing to let Vaggie take over in their daily lessons even when this inevitably backfires. I’ve seen a few people think Charlie was doing this to use her girlfriend or be mean to her but frankly that couldn’t be farther from the truth. 
While things did eventually go south and Vaggie had a difficult time thinking that she was failing Charlie I think it’s important to remember Charlie’s intentions with asking Vaggie to take over in the first place. In no way did Charlie do that to see Vaggie fail, it’s just that Charlie has such unwavering trust in Vaggie’s opinion and really does believe that she has skills that she herself lacks that Vaggie can bring to the table. It’s easy to forget sometimes but Charlie really does have some pretty impressive emotional intelligence. She just tends to run off without thinking a lot of the time and get carried away but when she allows herself to step back and look at a situation she’s very understanding of how exactly her actions are affecting people. 
Charlie recognizes pretty quickly that Vaggie is having a hard time with this and attempts to step in and take back control but Vaggie is stubborn in her desire to prove herself to Charlie. Vaggie thinks that if she lets Charlie take over again that she’ll have failed her and Charlie might see her as useless to the hotel. Of course Charlie would never think that and once again I must reiterate that Charlie’s love is unconditional. It does not matter to Charlie that Vaggie was unable to immediately get everyone to be best friends, setting aside the fact that it actually did work in the end, all that matters to Charlie is that her and Vaggie work together and are there for each other no matter what. 
Charlie was just frustrated that things weren’t as simple as she hoped and Vaggie was frustrated that she couldn’t fix it. Both of them recognize this mistake by the end of the episode and acknowledge the need for them to be a team even when things are hard and neither of them have an answer. 
All of this combines together over the season to portray a couple who love each other but who are adults long since removed from a honeymoon phase where they can’t keep their hands off each other. This doesn’t mean they don’t still love each other and it doesn’t mean they’re not loving on each other behind closed doors, it just means they’re comfortable and understand each other. 
Not only that but I think it also exemplifies what I’ve been saying about Charlie’s love: it’s simple and that’s a good thing. To Charlie, loving Vaggie is easy. To Charlie Vaggie is a constant that has been there for years who loves her and would never hurt her or betray her. The only one who has stood there and supported her while her Mother runs off to god knows where and her Father isolates himself with his depression. Vaggie supported the hotel when everyone this side of Hell and up to Heaven thought she was an idiot dreamer who didn’t know when to quit.
To Vaggie, Charlie is the unconditional love that she never had in Heaven. Someone who quite literally picked her up while she was dying and put her back on her feet and loved her regardless of the fact that Charlie had no idea who she really was and honestly I’m not even sure that mattered to Charlie one bit. She trusted Vaggie to not hurt her and have her best intentions in mind just like she trusts everyone else around her to do the same and time and time again Charlie was proven right when Vaggie never left while she undoubtedly soothed a bit of Charlie’s fear of abandonment by never leaving her side. 
And to Charlie that was enough. She doesn’t need huge grand gestures from Vaggie, she just needs her to be there and help her. It’s love and it’s simple because it’s Charlie. 
Of course it all inevitably comes crashing down as it’s revealed that Vaggie has been lying this entire time. I don’t want to come off like I blame Vaggie for what she did. Frankly I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the exact same thing in the same situation. The more that time passed and Charlie and her fell deeper in the love the harder it would have been to just come out and say it. The time to be honest would have passed months and months ago and now she’s just forced to completely live the lie as we can tell by how she barely reacts when Adam shows up at their door in Heaven. I think a part of her was so deep in this lie that even the presence of him and the lady that straight up maimed her doesn’t cause her to lose composure until he makes it clear that he definitely remembers who she is. 
Vaggie also has very little besides Charlie. She has dedicated herself so fully to Charlie and what she wants that to lose her would have been a blow to her soul so severe I’m not sure she would have recovered. I do think there’s something to be said about Vaggie’s dependency on Charlie and how that fueled this lie to begin with. If Vaggie had other support systems then it’s possible that she wouldn’t have felt the need to hold onto this lie for so long and I think we can see that in the way that she immediately tells the others in the hotel after they get back from Heaven. Whether she likes it or not they have become an extension of her family too and not just Charlie’s. Of course it’s obviously a lot easier to tell them because she’s not nearly as emotionally attached to them as she is to Charlie but I do still think that being able to tell someone at all is a step forward for her and most likely helped her better come to terms with it. 
Unfortunately while I understand all that, just like with Lucifer, we have to be honest about the ways in which this affects Charlie as a character. As I said before I really don’t think it mattered to Charlie one bit who Vaggie really was. If Charlie had known about who Vaggie was from the beginning, knowing who Charlie is as a person, I think she would have been livid at the way that Heaven treated one of their own but I don’t think in any way would she have hated Vaggie or blamed her for what happened.
Even so, everyone needs their own time and space to cope with such intense revelations about people. If Vaggie was going to tell Charlie the truth after so many years the only way to do it and even remotely soothe any of the grief and shock Charlie would have felt would have been to do it in private very quietly and then give Charlie the space to try and come to terms with it.
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Regrettably that is most definitely not how Charlie found out. Instead she found out in probably the worst possible setting at probably the worst possible time. Forced instead to deal with the horror of it all while in Heavenly court of all places, out of the mouth of the man who had a hand in casting her own Mother and Father to Hell. Humiliating both Charlie and Vaggie in a desperate attempt to shift some of the heat off of them for admitting to genocide. 
With all that though, Charlie still doesn’t blame Vaggie. She would have every reason to hate Vaggie after this but that would also go against everything that Charlie stands for. So that just leads Charlie to instead blame herself. Instead of blaming Vaggie for lying to her, Charlie just asks herself what is so wrong with her that she’s unable to be trusted. Instead of hating Vaggie she just hates herself. This causes Charlie to spiral down a bad mental path where the fear of abandonment from her parents and her need for validation rear their ugly head. 
If the one person who has stood by Charlie’s side this entire time doesn’t even believe in her then who does? The woman she’s loved for years and has trusted with everything from dark secrets to petty grievances doesn’t even trust her enough to tell her who she really is and what actually happened to her. Charlie is terrified that Vaggie doesn’t think she’s worthy of this secret. In that moment of pain she fears that she’s not worthy of the same unconditional love that she has given everyone else this entire time because she thinks that Vaggie must think there are conditions to her love. That Vaggie thinks Charlie will not love her if she knows she used to be an exorcist is all that runs through Charlie’s head. 
Deep down I think these are worries that Charlie has relatively often. She doubts herself immensely and uses her love of others as a way to fill the hole in her own heart but so far these worries were unfounded with Vaggie. To have them suddenly come true is like having your worst fears validated to you and Charlie is so lost in her own grief that she doesn’t stop to think why Vaggie would have done this in the first place. This causes her to lash out at Vaggie and accuse her of keeping even more secrets when deep down Charlie probably just wants to break down and beg Vaggie to love her anyway even when she’s the one unworthy of love. Just in the same way she probably wants to beg her Mother to come back and love her again. 
Fortunately for all of us Rosie is able to swoop in and help Charlie realize what she knew all along deep down but was in too much pain to admit to: that Vaggie wanted to tell her this whole time but was deeply ashamed of the things she had done. It would have gone against everything that Charlie and her hotel stood for to not forgive her and this is seemingly before Charlie even knows the real reason that Vaggie was cast out of Heaven. She has no idea that Vaggie was damned for sparing a child but even so, the act of turning against the genocide and saying enough, regardless of how it happened, is all it takes for Vaggie to be deserving of forgiveness. Just in the same way that Pentious was deserving of redemption when he was vulnerable about his feelings and allowed himself to love, Vaggie is deserving because of allowing Charlie in to love her, even filled with guilt and grief over the things she had done. 
She could have run from Charlie and let that grief and guilt consume her and become just another one of Hell’s sinners lost in their own pain and unwilling to change, but instead she decided to let Charlie in and do whatever it took to make Charlie’s dreams a reality while also seeking her own redemption, albeit in a different way from how Charlie has been trying to redeem people.
I think all that Vaggie truly wanted from Charlie was to be forgiven for her actions but was so afraid of not receiving it that she hid it instead, forgetting that in turn all Charlie wanted to do was love her and forgiveness would have come from her as easily as that love. The only way that Vaggie could have ever gotten her redemption was by being honest, laying it all on the table and then allowing Charlie to continue to love her. 
So thank goodness then that Vaggie accepted her unconditional love and gave it right back, amplifying it and putting it back out into the world to maybe do a little good for once and frankly Vaggie doesn’t need Heaven for that to be true redemption for her at last. 
So that’s that. Hopefully I at least got my points across somewhat competently. I’m slightly out of practice with this kind of writing but Hazbin Hotel has enraptured me in a way that I have not felt about a piece of media in a long long time. On that topic though, if you’re like me and cannot get enough of fictional Gods and media that tackles religion in interesting ways I would like to be self indulgent one last time and recommend some books with themes that you might vibe with if you’re also obsessed with Hazbin in the ways that I am. 
The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell about first contact with an alien race that turns into an exploration on the nature of God and what it means for us if God truly exists but is indifferent to our suffering. 
The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins about a bunch of kids training to be Gods that also features a fucked up father figure if you’re into that. 
Kingdoms of the Wall by Robert Silverberg about the dangers of encountering an alien race so early in their development that they can only see our superior knowledge as God-like and worship humanity as deities. 
A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller Jr about the cyclical nature of history as humanity crawls back out of a nuclear fallout only to succumb to the same mistakes centuries later simultaneously clinging to and denouncing their new religion that got them so far in the first place. 
Midnight, Water City by Chris McKinney about how a person comes to be deified and the horrible consequences of making a human a God. 
And if you know of anything similar I am always open to suggestions, it’s about 95% of the media I consume at this point. 
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