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#tua diego
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Diego can be one of the best brothers if he wants to
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thehargreevesfamily · 2 years
Conversation
Klaus, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Diego, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids
Allison: what the hell are you guys doing?
Klaus: playing systemic oppression
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Klaus is the type of person who’d show up at his own funeral, see everybody crying, start crying too, and ask who died.
and then probably Luther or Diego would be crying so much they wouldn’t realise Klaus is there and just answer “Klaus”
and then Klaus would hug them and mourn himself w them probably without even realising he’s the Klaus who died until Five realises Klaus is there and alive and start cursing him.
and Luther would be like “Five stop cursing Klaus, he’s dead”
and Klaus would be like “who, me? wait, i’m the dead Klaus? oh no, i’m here, did I forget to mention? i’m immortal, sillies”
and Five would be FUCKING PISSED at him
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mediocreomen · 2 years
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love how old man five was this season. the outfit he wore on the trip with klaus ? peak grandfather. his excitement at a big ball of twine? even more grandfather. he really let the old man side of him take over, i’m surprised he didn’t go fishing or something.
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no bc imagine it, the umbrellas walking around New York
random stranger: hey sorry…that’s a really good cosplay of the kennedy six! you guys look amazing
the umbrellas: the WHAT
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humuhgod · 2 years
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hi im all for klaus jus knowin the weirdest useful shit
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Viktor Hargreeves: (trying to stop Five from fighting Luther) Well, Five, is there anything you would like to say to Luther?
Five Hargreeves: How do I put this delicately? You’re a horrible hero and nobody likes you.
Ben Hargreeves: (also trying to stop the fight) How about we frame our statement with “When you do this, it makes me feel this”?
Five Hargreeves: When you stop me from trying to save the timeline, it makes me angry.
Diego Hargreeves: (eating popcorn in the background) Also, you’re a horrible hero and nobody likes you.
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liagazed · 2 years
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𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 , 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 ; 𝒇. 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒔
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summary: five and (y/n) decided to "chat" in the bathroom after coming back from the 1960s timeline.
tags: five x gn!reader. makeout session. kind of fluffy. 15+. implication of smut, but no actual sexual intercourse. takes place in the beginning of season three.
a/n: i wrote this at 5am while sleep deprived, i'm sorry if it's weird
word count: 1.4k
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April 3rd. It was the day after coming back to your designated timeline. Well, not exactly.
Either way, you and Five's dysfunctional family needed a break after trying to save the world from coming to an end twice in the span of a month. But mainly you and Five, after enduring years of torture from the spending time– forty five years–  in the apocalypse and the commision. So for the 58 year old teenagers, a break was very well deserved.
Everyone else was sleeping, so Five decided to take you to the bathroom to "chat".
He'd closed the door, locking it, and kissed you softly, and you obviously kissed back. The kiss was sweet and passionate, becoming slower and more heated as Five pressed you against the counter gently. His hands roamed your back and sides, eventually landing on your waist. You'd situated your hands on his shoulders, already moving a hand to fiddle with the hair on the nape of his neck.
Five slowly lowered his hands, positioning them on the back of your thighs as he brought your body closer to his, away from the counter.
"Jump." He mumbled against your lips, and you obliged. You wrapped either of your legs around his waist, Five gripping your thighs a little harsher to hold you tighter and sit you down on the empty space on the counter he had cleared prior to your visit from your own room.
Five pulled away from your lips the slightest bit, admiring you as he did. "Missed you." He flashed you a breathless smirk. 
"We were separated by rooms for a couple of hours, Five." You responded, a hand making its way up to Five's hair, messing with already disheveled hair at the top. 
"That's way too long." Five replied, pressing his lips against yours harsher than before, causing you to be taken aback a little bit, kissing back afterwards. 
"Fuck, you're so perfect, you know that?" Five mumbled against your lips as he tilted his head to the side a little, deepening the kiss, his hands sliding under your shirt to rest on your bare waist.
You let out a muffled moan into Five's mouth, slowly pulling away to retrieve a hand from his neck and bring it to your mouth, covering it in embarrassment. 
"Did you just–" Five asked, his eyebrows furrowing a little. "I might've" you replied, sounding muffled. Five just chuckled in response. "You're cute." Five removed your hand and replaced it with his lips, kissing your cheeks and forehead as well.
"Thanks," you mumbled with a shy smile, a roseate shade dusting your cheeks as you watched Five smile at you, a soft and endearing smile that could melt the hearts of anyone within a hundred feet from here.
Five was quick to bring his lips back to yours shortly after, but more gentle. This time, he let you lead him on, whether to carry on with your session, or to just go to sleep. You obviously wanted more, so kissed back harshly, a devilish grin now being plastered on Five's face, which you could feel against your lips.
Five got carried away, letting his tongue slip into your mouth, causing you to grip onto his hair tighter. He pulled away for a second, catching his breath as he did.
Five didn't hesitate to pull you back in for a kiss as soon as he could. You kissed back with the same amount of pressure he did, causing him to grip your waist tighter and pull himself closer to you. He placed a hand flat on your back under your shirt, rubbing small circles onto your back gently. 
"My pretty baby." He murmured against your lips, your stomach tossing and turning as if it were a gymnast.
Five moved his free hand to rest on your thigh, gripping it slightly as he hovered over you a little. 
Five pulled away slightly and admired you. He watched your every move as you pant in an attempt to catch your breath. 
Five's lips find their way to your jaw, leaving a trail of kisses from there to behind your ear, which he knew was one of your weak spots. "Oh, God, Five." You let out a quiet moan as he smirked against your skin, trailing kisses down your neck, marking the territory as his.
"Y-you're gonna leave marks," you whimpered under him, your hand massaging his scalp as you did, causing him to groan slightly.
"Good. You'd look so pretty with my marks on your neck, sweetheart." Five mumbled into your skin, leaving a deep, crimson bruise on your neck that he soothed with his tongue. He admired his work with a grin, continuing to leave a trail of sloppy kisses down your neck.
You fumbled with the hem of his button-up pyjama shirt as he kissed his way back up your neck, eyes meeting with yours once he was done. 
He placed a hand on your cheek, the other on your waist as he flashed a soft grin again. That damned grin. "I'm glad that since we're officially retired, we can do this now." He said as he leaned forward and planted a kiss on your forehead. "Yeah, me too." You replied, glancing at his lips when you did. Five smirked at that and began to kiss you once more.
Jeez, do you ever get tired?
You kissed Five hard, grabbing his collar to pull him closer. He grabbed your hips and pulled them closer to his own, shifting a little in front of you.
You fumbled with the first button on his shirt, undoing it, along with the second one. Five messed with the waistband of your pants, slightly moving it down. You grinned into Five's mouth, thinking you were about to have the time of your life, until–-
"HEY!" you and Five both got startled with the machine gun knocking at the door. "FIVE, GET OUT, I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT!" someone yelled. It was Diego. "AND I AIN'T USING NATURE'S BATHROOM!"
"WE'RE BUSY, COME BACK LATER," Five responded as he continued to kiss you slowly, a low, delighted hum being released against your lips.
"We're– IS (Y/N) IN THERE?" Diego asked loudly once again, but this time, you heard groans coming from Klaus and Luther, so you chuckled to yourself as you pulled away from Five's lips. "Yeah, I am." You smiled as you turned your head to face the door, causing Five to pout at you.
"STOP SCREWING, AND GET OUT SO I CAN PISS!" Diego yelled, knocking at the door maniacally again.
"We AREN'T SCREWING!" Five replied. "We were about to," Five smirked at you, "But you interrupted us!" 
"Ew, gross, just get out." Diego retorted in disgust, rattling the door knob.
"Why must you be so loud? It's two am!" you heard Luther let out a muffled groan.
"Let them fuck in the bathroom, use the outside one, it's not all that bad" Klaus replied. "Let them be horndogs!"
"No! They can be horndogs later, I have to shit!" Diego rattled the door knob harder then before.
"Okay, okay, fine, we're going." You aforementioned rapidly, looking Five in the eyes, then his lips, and back to his eyes.
Five's annoyed expression softened once he looked at you. "We can continue this later, my love," he spoke softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips.
Five helped you off of the counter, readjusting your clothes after and fixing your hair, along with Five's. You both stood in front of the mirror as you fixed yourselves, Five buttoning his shirt again as you straightened out your clothes, Five sending you a wink as you got composed, causing you to smile and blush.
You unlocked the door and opened it, eyes being met with an unhappy Wish™ version of batman, Diego fuckin' Hargreeves, who had interrupted your time with Five Hargreeves.
"Good morning, pendejo." You said, standing in the doorway as Five stood behind you, wrapping an arm around your waist.
"Yeah, yeah, get out– is that a hickey?" He asked as he pointed to the mark on your neck Five had made. You were quick to cover the mark, Five smirking as you did. 
"Nope, go take your shit." you walked off as you pushed Diego into the bathroom. "It is a hickey." Five whispered with a devilish grin as Diego walked in, shaking his head as he shut the door and locked it.
You and Five walked away from the door frame and stood elsewhere in the room, Five wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his head on your shoulder. "Let's go to sleep, shall we?" He murmured softly against your skin, placing a gentle kiss on your hickey. "We can continue that later, sweetheart." Five whispered into your ear, kissing the shell of it gently, sending shivers down your spine.
"O-okay." You chuckled nervously. ❦︎
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a/n pt. 2:
Have a good day idiots, ily <3
- vee ☕
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Diego: alright, emergency family meeting, Five "went to get ice cream"
Allison: and why is this an emergency
Diego: last time he just "went to go do something" the donut shop got shot up!
Klaus: he has a good point
Luther: do you really think he's going to kill somebody?
Diego: that's what I'm trying to figure out
Five, blinking in: alright what's going on why are you all standing in a circle
Diego: ... Is that ice cream?
Five: congratulations Diego, you have the object recognition skills of a child
Luther: so you didn't kill anyone
Five: for the love of God- why do you think I was going out to kill someone??
Klaus: you were an assassin
Allison: and you did kill all those people at the donut shop
Diego: and the board of directors
Five: I didn't kill anyone!
Diego: Okay okay...
Diego: hey, can I have some-
Five: eat shit and die
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eddies-guitar13 · 1 year
Conversation
Five: *Accidentally hits Klaus in the face*
Five: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Five: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
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umbrellasketches · 2 years
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I was really expecting a Dallas scene where Klaus randomly shows up on a horse, and then I thought…. Ghost horse?! 👻 🐴
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boomthemoon · 2 years
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Reggie: I have an exercise for you. So your siblings are all drowning, and you only-
Five: I save Klaus.
Reggie: Let me finish. You only have time to save one of them, what do you do?
Five: I save Klaus.
Reggie: Remember you have powers
Diego: Yeah, I save Klaus too.
Reggie: Try using your powers
Alisson: Okay, I save Klaus, and use my powers to make Viktor drown faster because no one can take his drama anymore.
Reggie: Alright, try using your powers to save someone.
Ben: I got it dad. I use my tentacles, and I save Klaus, without getting in the water and keep my clothes dry.
Klaus: I'm actually immortal, so you don't have to save me.
Five: But you still hate water, we can't leave you there.
Diego: Yeah, that would be a cruel thing to do with our brother.
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thehargreevesfamily · 3 months
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Diego: The great thing about apologies is that you don’t have to mean them
Diego: You know, I lie and tell Luther I’m sorry all the time
Luther: *glares at him*
Diego: I’m sorry
Diego: See?
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dinasaurconspiranoic · 9 months
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rel312 · 2 years
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I find it hilarious that while Five and Klaus understand pretty much right away what’s going on in Viktor’s coming out scene Diego is just like “who the fuck is Viktor and why do we keep bringing more people into this shit?” before he gets it
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neverkhushionlygham · 2 years
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Viktor Hargreeves experiencing gender euphoria and brotherly love while the world is ending (again) :
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