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I know loneliness more than anyone around me ever does. don’t you fucking dare to provoke and tell me I’ve never been in such Hell situations. I’ve been there before. in nowadays, I just feel numb through things. I’ve had been hurt before. scars around my body is the proofs. I know traumatic things much more than anyone irl that I know ever does. you never been beaten up like me, I dare to bet that to any friends of mine. I’ve been abused too. you never been kicked and stepped by your own family in reality. you never been chased by knives by your own parents in reality, like I do. you all never been there like me. you never been cussed and told to go and die by your own bloodlines. I did. I’ve had been hurt by loved ones and the ones who sitting in the same house as you. don’t even lie about you’ve been hurt too like I do because only people who’s been hurt so badly can recognize true and false of someone who’s been there like we and I do. I actually know who have scars and had been scarred also the one who didn’t and never had one. we can read almost all pain like books. sometimes it just takes a little glance to know about it, if, you get used to it and been there. I’ve been there so much and too many times. I grew numb of it. almost fed up. sick of it. it’s hurting and tiring. it’s a painful process and sometimes the more we’re having it, the more lonelier it makes us feel. it doesn’t landed on you like soft feather or like water, it carve only pain. it give you pain. hurting you. sometimes pain, is just pain. nothing more than that.

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My 50+ meanspo quotes💓

1. Don’t reward yourself with food, you’re not a dog.

2. If you stop now, months of hard work will be lost.

3. You waste your precious time by eating. Eat = waste time for cooking, eating and cleaning. Skipping meals = more time to do smth productive.

4. Nobody will like you in this body.

5. NEVER think that you’re skinny enough, when somebody notices your weight loss. You are never skinny enough.

6. When you say that you’re “in recovery” know that you’ll regret binging the day after.

7. Suck up now, so you don’t have to suck in later.

8. Saying that you’re “in recovery” doesn’t change the fact you are still fat.

9. Remember that you are in control. You control what and how much calories go into your body.

10. Being fat isn’t #æsthetic, but being skinny is.

11. The idea of posting your body on tumblr and everyone wishing they were you sounds amazing, doesn’t it?

12. Everyone will worry about you. Everyone will worry about you. Everyone will worry about you. = being skinny.

13. Remember, recovery is only for the thinnest.

14. Your face isn’t pretty, but at least your body will be dainty, if you eat clean for a month.

15. Today’s eating habits = next month’s body

16. You are what you eat. It’s much better to be called skinny (vegetables, fruits, egg whites and oatmeal) than fat (fast food, bread, butter, oils).

17. Don’t forget that you can’t love yourself until you are your UGW or less!

18. Skinny girls get everyone’s attention, while the fat ones cry in the corner.

19. Haven’t your ever thought how nice it would be for you to call Ariya much fatter than you?

20. Ribs, hip bones, collar bones and tiny waist. Ribs, hip bones, collar bones and tiny waist. Ribs, hip bones, collar bones and tiny waist. Ribs, hip bones, collar bones and tiny waist. Ribs, hip bones, collar bones and tiny waist. Ribs, hip bones, collar bones and tiny waist.

21. Prove them wrong. Show them how much control you have. Show them how superior you are. Just become skinny already.

22. Nobody will even think of dating you before you lose weight

23. Never give yourself cheat days. Who the fuck cares that you feel bad? Right, nobody. Because you’re still not sick enough.

24. Fake being the perfect ana. Show that you’re the perfect ana. Act like a perfect ana. Eat like a perfect ana. Fast like a perfect ana. Be the perfect ana.

25. Nobody can tell that you’re in pain, until you show it by becoming skinny.

26. Don’t feel guilty when lying about eating. It’s a white lie, because it is not telling the truth for the greater good.

27. You aren’t thin enough to stop right now.

28. Imagine waking up at your UGW and actually feeling good about yourself.

29. It takes one week of clean eating to be back on track.

30. Excuses don’t burn calories.

31. You fake your ED more and more by binging.

32. Eat 500 calories or walk 15000 steps today. If you do both, congrats, you’re the best ana.

33. “Have you lost weight?” is always better than “Have you gained weight?” Or “You look healthy”.

34. Once you reach your goal weight, everything will be oversized on you.

35. Imagine doctors actually caring about your mental health, because I can’t relate.

36. I just took a dna test turns out I’m a 100% fat ass.

37. I want to have a “has she been eating?” type of body

38. Nothing tastes as good as being skinny

39. Because the pain of looking in the mirror hurts more than starving.

40. I don’t want to be remembered as the fat girl

41. All I think about is losing weight. All I think about is losing weight. All I think about is losing weight.

42. The girl who was always hungry lost her appetite. You will be that girl. You are that girl.

43. Make them regret the day they dared to call you fat

44. I don’t care if it hurts. I wanna have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.

45. IF YOU PUT ONE GODDAMN PIECE OF FOOD IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH TODAY YOULL BE A FAT FUCKING CUNT FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE!

46. You should need food not want it.

47. It feels empowering to know that you’ll be skinnier than you were today, if you eat clean.

48. Live as if you’ve reached your goal weight. Would you even THINK of taking a bite of that pizza or cake?

49. Nobody should stay on your way of becoming skinny. Absolutely nobody. Never let them take control from you.

50. I dare you to do 100 burpees, fatty.

51. I made myself fat, then I can make myself skinny. I made myself fat, then I can make myself skinny. I made myself fat, then I can make myself skinny. I made myself fat, then I can make myself skinny. I made myself fat, then I can make myself skinny. I made myself fat, then I can make myself skinny.

52. YOU are the only person who can change YOU. If you don’t decide to lose weight now, then you’ll never do it.

53. Fat = worthless

54. Weigh yourself. Count your calories. Exercise. Sleep. Repeat.

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I have self-harm scars/cuts on my arm. They aren’t very visible but if it triggers you, don’t look!

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I hate my arms. I hate my thighs. I hate my stomach. I hate my body.

I didn’t edit anything besides censoring; I am sucking in/posing in some of the pictures!

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I really underestimated myself yesterday. My goal was at 1600 but I got 443 with ease. That’s what I like so much about waiting til 9pm. Even after my one planned meal, I ate some crackers and sour patch kids. That brought me from 120 to 443, but it was still far less than my goal. I think today I’ll shoot for 1000 at most. Ig my goals are more like “you can eat, max, this much to not feel like a complete failure.” Idk setting the goals lower kinda scares me, it’s a lot of pressure. I think I’ll take it slow and try to eat as little as possible no matter what.

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Me at 14: finally out of my ED that I’d had for a while,,, putting on the tiniest piece of weight on

My friend: grabs a tiny piece of fat on my wrist “you’ve gotten fat, HAVENT you?”

My ed:

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Me now at 16: unable to eat without crying and thinking abojt this moment

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I am officially over 110 lbs! 115.9 to be exact which means I gained 8 pounds over the last 6 months. Very very exciting!

I hope you’re very proud of yourself! Baby steps! I certainly am proud of you! 👏💖

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It’s hard trying to stay alive when everything in your life feels bad. I know logically I shouldn’t need a relationship to feel happy, but that’s just how I feel. I know I shouldn’t force myself to vomit, abuse laxatives, starve myself or self harm. But I do. I know my worth shouldn’t be defined on how long if at all I decide to do university. But I still feel like it is. I know my sexuality shouldn’t define me, but when it brings me this much loneliness, isolation, community hatred and confusion, it feels like it does. I know I shouldn’t spend money I don’t have. But when it’s the only thing that makes me feel something other then sadness I do. I know I shouldn’t fall victim to my depression. But I do. I’m never happy. I never have any motivation or life in me. Nothing feels good. I don’t care to finish anything because I hardly have it in me to start anything. Everything is just too much. I know I shouldn’t let it be. But it is. My life consists of my phone screen and my room. Day in and day out. Nothing in life holds any value or meaning to me. Nothing makes me truly happy. I don’t like a single thing about myself. I’m tired of being trapped as me. I just wish I could be free of this. I wish I could live.

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Seems like everyone on my timeline suddenly has a gf and like I’m very happy for them but damn. The universe is really rubbing in that I’m single and lonely huh? Like swear to god I’d say a good 50% of the reason I self harm is because of how badly I want a gf but seem physically incapable of finding one. Not feeling very Gucci tonight lol. Feeling pretty miserable actually. Also found out I didn’t get the OTHER job I was going for. So you know. That’s a good old hit to the self esteem button 😩

My sister is starting her first day of university tomorrow and I just feel so bleh. I know I shouldn’t be comparing, and I genuinely am so happy for her and so proud of her, but it feels like today I’m just having everything I’m not able to reach shoved in my face. And that hurts. It hurts feeling like I’ll never be good enough for anything I want in life. I just don’t understand sometimes that despite how hard I try and I never seem to get anywhere because of my health, or personality, or appearance , or interests. I know it’s egotistical but sometimes I truely feel like the world is out to gte me. Because no matter what I do I get pushed down and I’m tired of having to get back up.

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