#ugh i think i'm having an off week

[nebulouscoffee]

genuine question does anyone know what to do when you feel like a nervous breakdown is coming? like is there a solid reliable way to stop it or at least prevent it from getting really bad

#dw I'm okay at the moment... I think #distracting myself by making a playlist lol #but I had one earlier this week & I'm still kind of scared from it #literally couldn't move or talk or do anything for the whole day #like my phone ran out of charge early on & if you'd paid me a hundred dollars I wouldn't have been able to go charge it #I know this is a regular occurrence for some ppl ofc (much love if that's you <3) but I'm not at all used to this so it's a bit scary #it's late. I want to go to sleep. I've been missing out on sleep all week #but I'm literally up worrying that I'll have another messed up nightmare & it'll start off another one of these things ugh #probably gonna delete this in the morning but for now would happily take advice <3

[knifegremliin]

on my hands and knees begging for my body to let me sleep. please. please. just let me fucking sleep what do you WANT FROM ME.

#🔪.text #i woke up. at 2 a-fucking-m #and i am not confident that i ever fell back asleep. #i have been waking up at 4-5 am almost every day for the past week. #why. #and for reference i am going to sleep at around 10-10:30. #which is. yes. very early. believe me i'd be staying up later if i could #if i had the energy #AND IF I COULD DO SO WITHOUT SACRIFICING FUCKING SLEEP #but clearly i can't fucking do that!!!! #even 10 isn't fucking early enough with how my body's been!!! #literally the only thing i can think of is around the same time this started is the same time i started going off one of my meds #so MAYBE it's related??? i don't know. #or it could be i'm just getting too hot. because i have woken up really sweaty every time. #but this time i tried using a lighter blanket (aka a sheet) and it was fucking worse!!! #and i was even hotter! #so i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do!! #because there's nothing i can do about the temp of the house because my mom will not allow it to go below 73 #and she's still turning the heat on at night #i guess i've never actually asked if we can drop the temp at night #but i just figure the answer will be no so. #maybe i'll just try to cover my vent at night #because it's just been way too warm for the heat to be on #ugh. #anyway lol. #i am. so tired.

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

*guy stressed out of their mind from not doing their schoolwork voice* i bet i'd feel better if i ignored my work more

#imploding rn #i'm off my fucking GAME since midterms man i have not done shit and yet have been 20x more stressed #i don't like any of my new classes #i'm thinking abt quitting one of them #cuz originally i wasn't even gonna have it and i'm not having fun 😭 #see a cooking class sounds fun until you're actually in it and your groupmates are besties already and don't TALK TO YOU and also everythin #smells really gross and hot and wet in the kitchen #i should decide this week but then i also have to talk to my parents about it and ughhhh #kiwifae says shit #but yeah idk why i just haven't been doing my assignments like actual important ones #and i just get more stressed and late over it #ugh #i need summer already i hate this

[bsaka7]

going to buy new running shoes today let's hope no one is mean to me at the store 👍

#I don't know exactly what I want I'm TORN bc both my pairs r totally dead #I have one pair of Saucony guides that I used to really dislike and don't wear that much but I've had them for two years probably #And the pair of brooks I bought in August of last year but have done almost all my miles on from September to may.... #So they're both well over 400mi and I'm having this sporadic it band pain which rlly means i need at least one new pair #But I can only buy one #I'm also having such a shit running year it's not even funny #Like I'm just doing a basic 20-25mi a week no real long run I'm so lazy #Definitely not training for a fall marathon I just don't have the motivation #I guess I should find a half for some motivation but like #Ugh. #This sucks I am still running most days and I don't mind the runs themselves I just have NO MOTIVATION #O yea also i can't take weekend days off. #I'm playing fris it's not like I'm not active it's just.... Urgh #I think im going to replace the Sauconys bc they're older. I do love the brooks adreneline like crazy tho #Maybe there will be something reasonable on the sale rack 👍 #Tetrapod runs

[belovedspector]

.

#i feel like venting and not a lot of people follow me here so i figured this is the best place to do it #i'm just so tired all the damn time #depression has been kicking my ass #and i've been trying for so long to get a handle on it #and nothing seems to work #going to possibly be starting a new med in a few weeks but idk #i just want to feel normal but i feel like i'll never get to that point #and then there's the fact that i don't really have any friends #the only person i do stuff with is my mom which is kinda sad #but idk how to meet people #ugh i'm just so done with everything #like work has also sucked recently #i had to leave after like half an hour on wednesday and took the rest of the week off #and my boss has been super understanding which is great but again i just want to feel normal and be able to do my work #i feel like such a failure in every aspect of my life #i'm 25 and what have i accomplished? #i know everyone goes at their own pace but god i feel like i'll never catch up #okay i think i'm done now #i doubt anyone read this but if you did uhhhh thank you and i hope you're doing well xo #jace talks #delete later?

[lakeffectqueer]

got Double Vaccinated yesterday and bc i'm an idiot i got them both in the same arm and like. only one of the injections actually hurt, like proper fuckin hurt, and now it's all red and it's a little itchy and it's forming an honest to god bump. and i don't even know if it was the flu shot or the covid shot because i got them both. in the same. arm. like a FOOL.

#i dont think she told me which was which either to be fair #and i've never had this reaction to any sort of vaccine before so i'm like genuinely kind of worried? #but google says it's normal and fine and good and . ugh #needle tw #i guess all i can do is wait and see but jesus fucking christ. #thank god i have most of the week off

[artemisiatridentata]

roommate has covid (again) (I hopefully dodged it bc I've been out on a work trip all week but still). I apparently got assigned awhile ago to lead next week's work trip but today is the first I heard about it so I'm scrambling to prepare everything on time. a covid conscious person I connected w/ online is coming to visit tomorrow and I'm stressed bc I have to get a bunch of work done before then and also I hope the vibe is cool in-person and that we can be friends! also none of my coworkers have said they can cover my shift tomorrow even though I put the request in the group chat weeks ago and I cover their shifts whenever I can. i am on day 32 of a 41 day stretch of working every single day with only two days off including 9/5 and tomorrow (IF one of my coworkers steps up...) . and then my next day off, in October, isn't even really a day off because I have to drive 4 hours round trip to the nearest city to get an MRI to see whether or not my recently diagnosed genetic disorder has given me internal cysts or tumors. I am hanging on by a thread haha

#god I fucked myself over so bad by having multiple part time jobs instead of one full-time + maybe a flexible side gig like I did last year #don't do it folks #anyways I finally get 4 days off in a row in October and I am going to sleep soooo much #the only thing keeping me afloat today is that I met w/ my former boss abt working for him doing rare books stuff this winter #and it's pretty much the perfect side gig #so i'm going to quit my other one the first week of october i think. finally #personal #im also sad and mad bc my roommates ruined the last batch of fireweed i harvested and bc i've worked so much this month i haven't been able #to go harvest more #i'm hoping that the covid conscious person & I can do that tomorrow! they'd like that i think #but ugh i wanted to forage so much this fall (prickly pear and rose hips and whatnot) #and i haven't had the chance bc i fucking work all the goddamn time and now most things are done #i also haven't checked on my community garden plot in weeks and i know im missing so many ripe tomatoes and peppers and stuff #god it just enrages me how much i have to work just to scrape by. how work demands all of me and leaves no time or energy for anything else #antiwork

[vulpinesaint]

actually going to throw the hugest fit over my parents making me do dishes. i am HAPPY to do dishes on assigned nights. it's FINE. i hate it so much but i'll get it done and if i'm having constant breakdowns over it then like. idk. maybe that's another issue that you should be looking into but it doesn't mean that i'm not up for doing the dishes. but now my mom wants to have the five of us just. do the dishes on a rotation? which is FUCKED cause i have SHIT to do! the fuck happens when i have dnd? or want to go out with a friend? or have class until late? literally worst fucking idea on earth i can do the fucking dishes but i have to be PREPARED for it. for instance don't make it so every other week i'll be fucking Doing something when it's my night to do the dishes

#so tired and lowkey pissed off about this i'm going to cry #my mom got rlly upset cause the dishes weren't getting done. fair. #my nights got Done most of the time and i volunteered to take on an extra night so idk. i think that should count for something. #but she got upset and said that she would just do dishes from now on #and then realized it was a lot of work and said she couldn't do it on her own and needed people to help #and then said 'we should do it this way!' and never actually implemented that way #like. just said it out loud. but then like. expected it to magically happen? #babe you can't just throw out a hypothetical and go 'alright! now that i have spoken it into existence it's going to happen' #fucking WHATEVER though. cause now it's going to be my fun little dishes night on friday when i have dnd. #first fuckin round of it. #and it's not even that i don't want to i CAN'T do the fucking dishes on friday cause i'm barely in the house! #i'll be home on friday after work for fifteen minutes tops! #so. going to complain. literally some of us have schedules that take up the nighttime. #sorry that neither of my little siblings hang out with people or have regular social engagements or work late or have class late. #but unfortunately i'm literally doing shit. and i need to incorporate things into my schedule or it's gonna fuck all my shit up #and then people will be angry with me for not getting the dishes done. so. again. fuck me i guess #it'll be fine i'll talk to her i just. ugh. the world if mothers just fucking talked about what they wanted and needed to happen #she proposed that Multiple weeks ago and just now i heard her in the kitchen going 'i thought we were doing this...' #bitch since WHEN??? SINCE WHEN??? YOU HAVEN'T BROUGHT IT UP IN A FULL WEEK AT LEAST #throwing my fucking laptop against the wall i'm so fucking tired i just want to sleep #valentine notes

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #vent #I don't wanna do the whole “I'm so good at psychology cause I've fixed myself. I should go into counseling” thing that overly empathetic #empathetic people do. but like. nothing like deconstructing a tense social conflict to make you feel good #the smol autistic minecraft enby who adopted me had a moment and I helped break down the situation and resolve shit with them. it was cool #but also I immediately went out to the living room and napped for three hours. thinning that hard was exhausting. #do you ever do the depression nap thing? when I'm doing well I never sleep during the day. but when I'm sad I take naps a lot #because I don't want to be awake and I sleep poorly at I night and am just generally lethargic so I nap on the floor or couch a lot #ugh knowing the stress will go away doesn't help the fact that it's super awful right now. #it's times like this that I wish I'd really committed to it in Feb. like. in two weeks I'll be better and joy de vivre and all that. #but right now? ugh. big fuckin ugh #the minecraft emotional labor thing is just a natural responsibility of being a 25 year old playing online video games with 15 year olds. #if I see a situation blowing up I can't hear sit by and watch someone destroy their friendships on the server. I have to help #but also bro I am struggling to help myself. maybe I say I'm packing up my pc early so that I have a good excuse to stay off the server #I literally did the thing again where I make new friends. make everyone love me. and then get burnt out at the speed of light and disappear #making friends is so easy. leaving friends is so easy. nothing is forever and we all die someday. blah blah blah you know it already #meaningless meaningless. all is meaningless. maybe king Solomon was just fuckin depressed when he wrote that. sure sounds like it to me. #I just can't do anything when I'm like this. we're subsistence living now bois. #I wonder if part of my neurological damage is from the lead I used to eat in high school. #the windex shots can't have been good for me. but I don't think that stays in your body the same way #though it did fuck up my urinary tract for a few months. that was wild. #anyway. I wonder how much of my chronic periodic funk is just effects from bad choices and how much is normal natural inevitable. #everything is an ocean. nothing is a lake. the waves are always thirty feet high and the troughs scrape you on the bottom of the reef #nothing is midline except when you're rushing through to one extreme or another. #you're either overstimulated or absent from your body entirely #both of which cause wild and oft unbearable dissociation. #everything gets better and everything gets worse. I'm only like this when I'm stressed. but that's my secret cap (avengers reference) #anyway. I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll live because I need to become even more gay to make my family mad. #I need to keep living so my dad realizes just how much he's lost touch. #so my mom cries about how she should have done something differently so I wouldn't grow up gay. because that makes so much sense right?

[katya-goncharov]

I really hope my mental health taking a massive downward spiral every single evening before I have to go to work isn't going to last, but we shall see...

#i'm still constantly terrified i'm going to be bad at it and get fired or told off in a way that makes me feel really shitty about myself #and at the moment people are being nice to me but i'm also so scared that once they realise how bad i am at talking to people they'll stop #trying to make conversation with me and just ignore me and i'll become more and more isolated #mostly because that's exactly what happened last time i worked #and ugh it's just so far out of my comfort zone and out of my depth and i don't know how things are going to end up or if i can even handle #a job and it's just. scary. literally i've felt sick so many times this week as well just from stressing about it #i just did not expect the anxiety around it to affect me so badly mentally. even on the days i'm NOT working #i guess i have more issues around working than i thought i did #and probably this is the point where i'd think i should go back to therapy. but no way can i afford that and no way can i emotionally #handle the extra hours i'd have to work to pay for that #it's just... all a bit overwhelming right now. #emma vents

[obstinatecondolement]

Trying not to be a weirdo conspiracy theorist with a persecution complex about this, but I am getting the impression that the co-worker who has been chilly with me lately has asked not work with me as much as is possible/my manager is trying not to roster us together as much as is possible because the co-worker complained about me.

#the manager said something like #that she'd had to put out a few fires #and that it was 'fine bc everyone had different personalities' which was 'normal' #and it was great that we 'all brought different things to the team' #when I apologised for not being entirely with it the day after I'd had a really bad brain-day #that started with me being late and making about five mistakes (one of which with difficult to manage consequences) #within a half hour of being there #and like... that comment makes me think that my co-worker has been complaining about me #and this week's roster makes me think the manager is trying to have us together as little as possible #which like... seems like a bad sign #since my co-worker is the supervisor and I do not have a permanent contract #also... my manager gave me a copy of the company's bullying policy to read??? #and said that it was just a box ticking exercise we were all doing #but I am really really fucking worried that I'm getting darvo'd here #ugh #and like... I literally do not know why she hates me now #when she was so positive towards me when I first started here #she had to cover me when I was sick (which did involve her coming in on a day she had booked as annual leave) #but she said that it was no big deal when I thanked her for it #and that it was six of one and half a dozen of another when she took the day off #and we all had to pull together etc. etc. #so like... I don't know what's going on here?? #literally one day she just flipped a switch and started being so critical and severe that I was worried I would cry on the shop floor #every day I worked with her from there on out #I understand being frustrated by me not knowing things or making mistakes #but a) I've actually picked up a lot of things very quickly #(and much quicker than many people would because I have great retail skills and excellent preexisting craft knowledge) #and b) even if I was constantly fucking up and was a liability more than a help... I am still entitled to basic respect in the workplace?? #and honestly maybe I am blowing this all out of proportion #and imagining things that are not in fact happening

[tkbrokkoli]

a colleague of mine used to be a professional athlete in the 80s and today she showed me and another colleague photographs from back then and she casually mentioned that two of her team mates outed themselves as trans men and two as lesbians later in life and i was like !!!!!! im

#not fandom related #personal log stardate #i want to write more but im not sure what im feeling and how to express it #she used the phrase 'man in a woman's body' to mean they are trans man which i found v good actually #bc she seemed to fully except and support them. these guys and dykes should be in their late 50s now i think? idk any older queer ppl #so having an older colleague casually mention that felt v good #also they all were from a small town i think #just like me!!! i know several of my high school friends are also queer. like. me and at least 2 others #but we all outed ourselves way later. years after high school #oh fuck i just realized i completely misspelled 'accept'. i've had a long week ugh #anyway tomorrow i gotta make a horrible phone call w my broken phone and i already hate it and i'm dreading it #abt my phone. it doesn't charge anymore so i have it turned off at all times so i can make phone calls when the urgent need arises #and tomorrow i have to call electrician. not bc i want to but bc i was ordered to and i absolutely fucking hate it #*an electrician. or a janitor. idk yet #the other person who could call instead of me is just straight up rejecting to do it but it rly urgently needs to be Done #so im gonna have to step up as the mature person now and i tell myself 'it needs to be done end of discussion' #but i hate that i am always always always the person who has to take care of uncomfortable things like making phone calls and shit #like. i get it. it's necessary. there will always be phone calls i have to make. it's just. why me??? i fucking hate this shit!!! AAAAAAAHHH #anyway i should go to bed. i haven't checked my notifs yet it's been a rly exhausting week. hope you guys are ok thi #*tho

[thelastspeecher]

all right so for anyone who's been following the drama of my coworker who left me alone at a site while I was crying, it's been (mostly?) resolved

we had a nice long conversation with a neutral mediator present and have worked out a lot of things. enough that we'll be able to work together better, esp now that I know she has been avoiding me training her, and more importantly, know why she's been avoiding it so that I can fix what I was doing.

I have to turn the other cheek and take the high road, bc my coworker 100% thinks I'm some spoiled little brat whose anxiety isn't as valid as hers.

I'm a professional, and I'll keep things polite and amicable and make nice and everything, and she seems willing to do the same so. fingers crossed.

#how do I know she thinks I'm a spoiled princess and that her anxiety is more valid than mine? #well she went on and on about how her anxiety over me wanting to talk to her #was affecting her so much #but completely dismissed the anxiety I was feeling last week when I was having a panic attack and sobbing #and also she outright told me ''you've never had to do anything you didn't want to do'' #I pushed back HARD on that right away bc I refused to let that shit slide #she backpedaled a bit saying that she just meant at work #but that ain't true either girl! you think I WANTED to drive through a blizzard to stand on a roof and freeze my butt off? #ugh that was one of the most disrespectful things I've EVER been told #and I've been treated with disrespect a LOT #but whatever. now that I've vented to my roommate and my journal and y'all #(and will bring this whole thing up to my therapist at my appointment next week) #I'm going to move on and be positive and yadda yadda yadda #whine whine whine

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Note to self: if at all possible, try and avoid having more than two con weekends in a row. Three is doable but ill-advised, and Never, Ever do four in a row again unless they’re just saturdays.

This new rule brought to you by the fact that I’ve been in hair-trigger temper impending meltdown mode all evening after three consecutive weekends of work, including my busiest ever saturday at a Scottish con, and I still have to prep for Another One this weekend coming and it’s making me want to throw my badge maker out the window.

Busy is good for actually making money, But At What Cost

#i am So tired and last weekend ran down what little social battery i had left #but i just need to get through this weekend and then i have i think three weeks off #before another two in a row and then i think that's it for 2022 #i made the right call turning down liverpool i might Actually have exploded from another stint of three in a row #especially with the travel and the added stress of trying to make Any profit on top of travel costs #fun times with con busy season! ugh #after this weekend i'm sleeping for a week #job good but job also Exhausting and thus sometimes difficult to love #personal stuff

[katesgotabow]

ooc cause I just need to vent about RL stuff at the moment and don't particularly have anywhere else to vent out to at the moment.

#I'm feeling dejected today after I got in trouble essentially #it was a low blow to my already iffy state of mind and I'm struggling to let it go. #I do know what I'm doing in my work ; and right now I'm just feeling underappreciated and not recognized for the things I do well #ooc #oh yeah and the obligatory fuck mention to keep it out of the tags I think #anyways back to my venting. I'm just frustrated because I actually can only handle so much #and I'm feeling like right now there's more expected of me than I can give energy wise. #and I'm feeling a little burnt out and would like to just take some time for me. but unfortunately right now I can't #because I was sick for almost a week and spent most of ol that week sleeping #I just ugh. that's all at the moment. just ugh. and I wish that I could express it in another way today. like creatively so I could #idk just get it off my chest in a way that feels more productive than just bitching about it. but here we are #I really hope y'all haven't read this #because it really doesn't matter. I just needed to put this shit feeling somewhere and here felt like the safest place to do that #I hope you guys are having a good week and it has started better than mine has.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

for the ask game: gaze?? 👀

All Suki had to do was smile warmly and open her arms, finally tearing her gaze away from the door. Aang was at her side in an instant—practically leaping out of his bed and pressing himself as close to her as possible

this is an atla wip called together we stand as the rain begins to fall which is actually something that i want to post for gen week but. prolly won't finish by then because it's going to be long. it's based off of the song flawless from mlp and it's a gaang fic where they all cope with the aftermath of the war and the way that everyone perceives them (so it's also kind of like. @ the fandom like hey stop forgetting suki and also aang is literally twelve my God chill) and it is. probably one of my favorites ideas ever and i am very glad something finally came up in this wip iugyfcghu

#kath tag #now i'm listening to this song and bopping #it's SUCH A GOOD SONG and they put so much care and effort into the animation for it too UGH #aND IT FITS THE GAANG SO MUCH #I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS WIP AHHHHHHHHHHHH #like. just thinking about how everyone prolly got treated so horribly post-war because they were expected to pick up all the pieces and fix #everything bUT THEY ARE KIDS !!! and everyone just has this pre-determined expectations of them like expecting katara to be the healer and #like thinking that toph is this huge ferocious super cool fighting child that everyone has the right to see in action #and people just weirdly thirsting for zuko and thinking sokka is just the funny non-bender guy and just. ahhhhhhhhhh #i want to work on this SO BADLY but there is no way this'll be finished in time for gen week lol #ahem yes anyways uhhhhhhh sorry for going off in the tags - i have. um. feelings. about they. #and tHE ENDING WAIT THE ENDING I HAVE PLANNED IS PROLLY MY FAVORITE PART UGH #anyways thank you for indulging me mwah #corey writes:) #corey rambles:)