#veronica tezlaff

[writerofculture-blog]

Chapter 10

1994

“You know, it’s uncanny. Whenever I hear Freddie’s voice through the speaker, I still feel he’s right here with us.” Roger lit a cigarette as he and John smoked in the tearoom of their recording studio.

“How do you know he’s not.” John puffed a smoke, “I bet he is laughing at your ridiculous haircut right now.”

“Brian’s sci-fi mind is rubbing off on you Deaky. You got to be careful before you become crazy like him and curly hair start to grow out of your head too.” Roger stuck out his tongue at the younger man.

John snickered and finished the last smoke before putting the cigarette butt down.

“Roger, I’m done, it’s your turn now.” Brian called out to his blond bandmate as he entered the tearoom.

“Oh, here comes the fun killer.” Roger reluctantly killed his half cigarette as he saw Brian enter the room.

John smiled. He got up and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. He glanced at the clock on the wall that read 3:30pm. “I think I’m done for today. You guys okay if I leave now? I will finish my part up tomorrow.” He said as he put on his jacket.

“Sure thing.” Replied Roger, “but where are you going Deaky?”

“Got to take care of some business.” John smiled mysteriously as he turned around to start walking toward the door.

“Deaky…” Brian called as he grabbed John’s shoulder.

John patted Brian’s hand on his shoulder, “I will see you at home Brian.” With that, he zipped up his jacket and walked toward the door.

“Recently, he’s been leaving at this time pretty frequently. Where is he going?” Roger’s curiosity is getting the better of him.

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Brian shook his head and poured himself some tea.

“But you two live together.” Roger commented.

“That doesn’t mean we are joined at the hips.” Brian took a sip of his tea. “There’s got to be some personal space.”

“Aren’t you curious though? What if he has a hot date?” Roger wondered.

Brian almost spurted his tea. “Hot date at 3:30 in the afternoon? For what? Tea party?”

Roger got up from his chair, grabbed his coat and run toward the door while yelling, “I’m going to bounce early too Brian, will finish tomorrow.”

“Wait.” Before Brian could react, Roger is out of his sight.

Just as Brian is finishing his tea and getting ready to go back to the recording studio to get more work done, his beeper rang. It is a message from Roger telling him to meet at an address in southwest London as soon as possible.

“What the hell.” Brian muttered. Concerned that it might actually be something serious, Brian grabbed his jacket and left the studio.

The address Roger sent turned out to be a small, quiet park at the side of the neighborhood street. Roger was hiding behind shrubbery looking into the park. When he saw Brian, he waved the guitarist over.

“What are you doing here?” Before Brian could continue, Roger covered his mouth.

“Would you please lower your voice.” Roger scolded in a hushed tone.

Brian frowned and looked at the direction Roger was staring. To his surprise, he saw John, with a boy of 11 or 12 years of age whom he did not immediately recognize.

“That’s Cameron.” Roger whispered. Brian suddenly remembered. The boy was indeed John’s second youngest son Cameron. They haven’t seen him for a couple of years, he has grown quite a bit taller compared to Brian’s memory.

So that’s what Deaky has been doing all those afternoons. Brian realized with a heavy pang of guilt in his heart. Oh Deaky, his sweet, considerate Deaky. He mustn’t want Brian to see how pathetic he was trying to reconnect to his children so Brian wouldn’t feel sad for him, to relieve his lover the burden of guilt for the situation which Brian know he has caused.

“Dad, I wish you could visit us sometimes.” Brian heard Cameron complain. “We all miss you so much. Laura was crying to Mum the other day wanting to see you after they had a big row. Josh is quiet and Luke is snarky, but I know they both miss you.”

John sighed and hugged his son. “I know Cam. You have no idea how much I miss all of you. You can bring them here you know, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If they want to come.”

Cameron nodded. “I will ask them.”

“How are Robbie and Michael. Are they enjoying uni? Enjoying the freedom?” John asked.

“I think so. Robbie still comes home once a week or so. Michael hardly ever comes home anymore, only when he runs out of clean cloth or food. Or that’s what Mum said.”

John couldn’t help but laugh at his son’s childish comment. “How is your mother by the way.”

“She is okay. I think she just works too hard and is too tired. That’s why she is short with us sometimes and why she and Laura just can’t get along.” Cameron replied sadly.

John rubbed the boy’s dark hair, “you help her Cam. You are a big boy now.”

Cameron nodded. “I do Dad. I wash the dishes on Monday and Tuesday while Laura does them on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Luke does the weekend. Josh helps to clean the table and kitchen.”

“That’s good. You are all such good kids. Dad is proud of each one of you.” John turned and brought a gift box out of the bag sitting on the bench. He handed it to his son and said, “it’s Luke’s birthday tomorrow. Can you pass on the present I got him? Don’t let him or your mother know it’s from me to avoid unnecessary fuss.”

Cameron’s face lit up in a smile. “Oh, don’t worry Dad. I won’t tell Mum. Luke will say something sarcastic but I know he will be ecstatic to get a gift from you, Dad.”

Brian wiped a drop of tear from the corner of his eye. He turned and walked away causing Roger to follow him quietly. He can’t bear looking at the scene anymore. He didn’t regret giving John the ultimatum two years ago because he had been so deliriously happy these past two years that he didn’t think it was possible. And he was sure John is equally as happy.

He knew there were consequences. He knew there were wounds. But he didn’t expect them to hurt this much. Watching the interaction between John and his son in the park, Brian felt multiple kicks in the gut. He felt even more painful than when his own kids wouldn’t talk to him.

“I’m sorry Deaky. I will try to make it up to you.” Brian murmured under his breathe while a plan was forming in his head.

Brian was pacing anxiously back and forth on the porch in front of John’s old house in Southwest of London. He was not able to get a wink of sleep the previous night which he spent watching John in peaceful slumber while stroking his now soft graying hair. This early spring morning, Brian snuck out of the recording studio the first chance he got.

Even if Veronica did give him a chance to speak, Brian was not sure what he was going to say. He had not felt this nervous for a long time. He just knew he had to do this. He had to do this for Deaky.

“What are you doing here?” Veronica shot Brian an icy glare as she was coming up the porch from her car. She was still pretty and well put together, but definitely looked older and thinner than the last time Brian saw her a couple of years ago.

“Ronnie?” Brian said hesitantly.

“Please stop calling me that. And you should know you are not welcome here, Mr. May.” Veronica snapped.

Brian sighed. He knew this was going to be difficult. “Ms. Tezlaff, I came to talk to you.”

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about. I have a busy schedule today so if you could please leave.” Veronica walked past Brian toward the front door of the house.

Brian stood between the woman and the door. “Veronica, please just hear me out for a minute. I want to talk to you about John and your kids.”

Veronica froze at the mention of her ex-hushand’s name. She turned away from Brian, “if you are here to laugh or pity at me. I suggest you leave now. I get it! John left. He left me and the children. You have him now. What else do you want?”

“Veronica. I now you don’t want to hear me say sorry, but I really am. It’s a difficult situation for everyone.” Brian took a deep breath. “John loves you. He never stopped loving you. He left because he loves you and wants to be honest with you. He loves his kids and it’s breaking his heart to not be able to see them.”

“Well, he should have thought about that before he left.” Shoulders shuddering, Veronica’s voice cracked and Brian could tell she was crying.

He tentatively put a hand on Veronica’s shoulder which she immediately shrugged off. Brian sighed and walked in front of her. “I know you are angry Veronica. I know you hate me. You hate John. But did you think about the kids? John is still their father. Can you tell me now that they don’t miss him?”

Veronica sobbed harder while Brian offered her a tissue. He continued, “when Chrissie first divorced me, she didn’t let me see Jimmy, Louisa and Emily for a good three years. I missed them so much that it was killing me every day. In the end, she backed down because she knew they missed me too. I know this is hard for you Veronica. John had hurt you deeply and you want to get back at him by not letting see the children he loves. But I also know each one of your kids miss John. Do you think it’s fair for them to deprive the chance of seeing their father?”

Brian did not say anything else, just offered more tissues to the teary woman. They stood there in silence except for Veronica’s quiet sobs. When she calmed down, she asked, “John told you to come today didn’t he? He doesn’t have the guts to see me himself.”

Brian shook his head and smiled sadly, “no. John doesn’t know about this at all. He understood you are angry and respected your decision. I came because I couldn’t stand to see John, you, and the kids all suffering so much. You have always been a kind and generous woman Veronica. I don’t expect you to change your mind. You need to take your time. But just think about what I said okay?”

Brian zipped up the collar of his Jacket and walked into the early spring rain. He never expected to hear the words, “Luke is going to have a birthday party today afternoon. Everyone will be here around 5. If John wants to drop by, it’s not the worst thing in the world.”

Brian was so excited that he almost ran up to Veronica and gave her a hug. He stopped himself and just choked out, “thank you Veronica. Thank you so much!”

As Veronica went inside the house, Brian could not tell the drops on his face were rain or tears of joy.

“Ronnie is an amazing woman.” John sighed.

Freddie nodded in agreement, “and Brian really loves you.”

1997

“Deaky!” Roger got up from the recliner as he saw his friend walked through the door of the lounge. He grabbed John in a bear hug which John gladly reciprocated.

“Roger, you and your ridiculous shades.” John laughed as he shook his head. “Can’t you just wear regular glasses or get contact lens?”

“Hey, I’m a rock star, not a nerd.” Roger sat back on the recliner chair and beaconed John to sit on the leather sofa beside him. “Come sit. Anything to drink, Deaky? Coffee? Tea? Booze?”

“Tea would be fine.” John replied as he sat down.

Roger used the phone on the side table to order tea for John and more wine for himself.

“You have gone soft Roger. You drink wine now? No more hard liquor?” John snickered.

Roger shook his head, “not getting any younger, Deaky.”

“So this is where you hang out now? VIP club lounge.” John raised his eyebrows as he looked around the fancy room.

“Just some peace and quiet from home, mate.” Roger lit a cigarate while offering John one.

John shook his head. “I quit. Brian made me.”

“I knew this would happen!” Roger exclaimed. “So where is Brian?”

“He’s coming from the recording studio. Will be here any minute.”

Roger leaned back and sighed, “since we made that Made in Heaven album, we don’t get to hang out as much anymore. I feel like I haven’t seen you two in ages. What have you been up to?”

John poured himself some tea and sipped. “Brian has been busy recording his solo projects, and also saving all the badgers in England. I have just been a home body really, reading some books, spending time with my kids. Oh, I enrolled back into the master program in electrical engineering at uni, the one I dropped out in 1974. But this time I think I will transition to doctorate program.”

“Oh wow, good for you Deaky. Brian will be so jealous.” Roger laughed.

“Who will I be jealous of?” Brian’s voice came from behind the pair as he walked through the door.

“Brian!” Roger set down his wine glass and jumped onto the taller man.

“Wow easy Roger. You are not as petite as 20 years ago and my back is not as sturdy.” Brian chuckled as he tightly hugged his blond friend.

Brian bent down to gently peck John’s temple before sitting down beside him on the sofa causing the bassist to flush for a short moment. Even after so many years, John still blushes at Brian’s intimate gestures in public even though this is just in front of Roger.

“Deaky is just telling me how he enrolled back into his doctorate degree he left 20 years ago.” Roger filled Brian in on the conversation.

Brian smiled proudly and rubbed his lover on the back, “I know. It’s great isn’t it? I am going to get my astronomy doctorate one of these days too.”

“Of course, you will.” Roger rolled his eyes.

“What did you call us here for Roger?” John asked, “it can’t just be because you missed us.”

“Well, I do miss you guys.” Roger said matter of fact. “But I also have something else on mind.” He turned to Brian, “I heard the demo of the song ‘No-one But You’, Brian. I think it’s great. We should record it.”

“I sent you that months ago Roger! You just listened to it now?” Brian pretended to sound hurt. “And yes. For your information, I do plan to record it.”

“Well, I am a busy man.” Roger snorted. “And no Brian. I meant ‘we’ should record it, as Queen.”

Brian and John shared a look before John replied reluctantly, “I don’t know Roger. I haven’t been playing regularly for a while.”

“Come on Deaky, even Roger thinks so.” Brian rubbed John’s shoulder, “you are so talented you will find the groove in no time.”

“Yeah Deaky. Think of it as a tribute to Freddie.” Roger knew the bassist could not refuse if their dear friend’s name was mentioned.

John agreed just as Roger expected. He and Brian exchanged a grin.

Brian poured himself a cup of tea, “I agree we should make and perform more music as Queen. But to do that, we need a new singer.”

“What are you saying Brian? Don’t tell me you are suggesting to replace Freddie.” John sounded surprised.

Brian shook his head, “never. We can never replace Freddie and nor do we ever want to. But when I went to see him the last time a couple of days before he passed, he told me clearly that his last wishes were for us to continue making music and perform our music to the next generation. In order to do that, we do need another front man. What do you guys think about Robbie Williams?”

“The kid from Take That?” Roger asked.

Brian nodded, “yes. I met him a couple of months ago at an event. He’s a good kid. He can definitely sing and perform. I got a call from Jim earlier today. Turns out he had been looking for a front man for us as well and he mentioned Robbie. I think he will be great for us and he is interested.”

“He’s a bit young don’t you think?” Roger pondered.

“That’s what we need, youth and energy.” Brian chuckled, “no one wants to see old ladies still rocking away. Besides, we were the similar age when we started. Deaky was even younger.”

Roger shrugged his shoulders, “you got a point. Yeah, Fred told me to keep on making music and keep his legacy alive as well the last time I went to see him.” Even after so many years, thinking about their charismatic friend still made Roger snuffle. “Let’s get together with him and discuss to see if we are on the same page. We need to do Freddie proud.”

Brian turned to the bassist, “what do you say Deaky?”

John got up and turned to look at the London skylines out of the window. He was quiet. He did not like this idea one bit. Just the picture of them on stage or studio with another person singing in Freddie’s place made him sick. Yet he cannot argue with Brian and Roger because he was the only one who didn’t have the balls to go visit Freddie one last time before he passed. He regretted it so much that to this day he could not think about the last days of Freddie without shedding tears.

‘I’m sorry Fred.’ John mumbled to himself as he felt his eyes getting watery. A pair of strong and familiar arms hugged him from behind.

“What’s wrong Deaky?” Brian whispered to his lover’s ear, “thinking about Freddie?”

Tears streamed down the younger man’s cheeks. John turned in Brian’s embraced and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder.

“I don’t know if I can do it Brian.” John’s sobbed quietly, “I can’t imagine playing on stage with someone else in Freddie’s place.”

Brian kissed his forehead and tenderly stroked John’s soft hair with his fingers, “it’s okay Deaky. Fred wouldn’t be mad at you even if you can’t.”

Pictures of Freddie filled John’s mind. How Freddie took care of him when he first joined the band. How supportive Freddie was of his relationship with Brian even though they were both married men. How devasted he was when Freddie told them about AIDS. John really hated himself for being so weak. He couldn’t go visit Freddie during those last days. Now he couldn’t even help to carry on Freddie’s last wishes?

Roger came over too and hugged them both. “It’s okay Deaky. It will be hard for all of us. But it is what Fred would have wanted so we all give our best shot okay?”

John sighed and nodded. He cannot refuse to that.

Roger smiled and wiped off the remaining tears from John’s face with the back of his hand. “We are getting ahead of ourselves anyway. Let’s start with recording Brian’s No-One But You, just the three of us. Brian and I will sing. We see how that goes and we go from there.”

Thank god there are still Brian and Roger. John thought as he watched the support his bandmates showed to his future self. He stole a glance at Freddie standing beside him, who was quietly wiping off tears from the corner of the eyes but smiling at the same time.

#Brian May #John Deacon #roger taylor #freddie mercury #breaky #queen band #bohemian rapsody movie

[writerofculture-blog]

Decisions-Chapter 1

It is often thought that the everything and everyone exists in parallel universe, at the same time but within different space. The universe you end up in depend on the decisions you make at major points in your life and the path you decide to take. Decisions not only affect your life but also those around you.

What if you were lucky enough to see which universe your decisions would lead you not only once, but twice?

Summary:

1974 before their first big tour in the US, John Deacon faces a major decision in his life, whether to propose to his college girlfriend Veronica, or to break up with her and pursue a forbidden but budding relationship that goes beyond friends with a certain bandmate with unruly curly hair and slender long fingers that could bring the red guitar to life.

1992 just a month after Freddy’s funeral, John faces another decision, whether to divorce his wife of 16 years and leave 6 children or to lose the last chance with the love of his life.

Chapter 1:

1974:

John Richard Deacon was never one to take risks in life. Brought up in a middle-class family in Leicester, he was always the good boy who listened to parents at home and teachers in school. Veronica Tezlaff was introduced to him through family friends thinking it would be nice for them to meet since they were both going to college in London and away from home. John thought she was the perfect girlfriend that his parents always had in mind for him, pretty, intelligent, and sweet. Dating her was like dating one of his best friends, comfortable and smooth. He always thought he would marry her one day and have a family with a lot of kids, full of joy and laughter.

John loved music, loved playing rhythm guitar and joined the first band back in high school. Joining Queen was merely by chance. He wanted to continue playing bass guitar as a hobby, and coincidentally the group in college is in need of a bass player. He auditioned in front of them in a lecture room in college. They liked him, he liked them and the group Queen had a new bass player. A little did he knew he would like one of them a little too much.

Freddie, Roger and Brian became his family away from home. They were different from anyone John had ever met before. Freddie with his theatrical drama, Roger with his carefree partying lifestyle, and Brian. John thought it was not fair for people like Brian May to exist in this world, combination of brilliant scientist and talented musician, yet at the same time warm, kind, and down to earth. God has definitely spent a little more time on him.

To make it easier to practice and to save money, four of them decided to move together in a flat in London. As they spent more time together, their bond grew closer. Being the temperamental artists that they are, the three of them would fight constantly about music, about space, and about domestic affairs. John always watched in the corner but as time went on, he found himself to side with Brian more and more.  Maybe it was because they were both physical science majors, he understood Brian’s logical, calculating mind. Also, John thought someone as perfect as Brian May could not possibly be wrong.

Freddie took care of John like a little brother. Roger partied with him like best mates. But it was always Brian’s gaze that made John blush, Brian’s jokes that made him have butterflies in his stomach, Brian’s soulful voice that he dreams about at night, and watching Brian playing guitar that made him skip his line.

John wondered why he never felt that way when he was with Veronica, even when they first met.

When a drunk Brian kissed him that evening, John has never felt more excited and scared at the same time. He felt his heart throbbing against his chest and heat spreading from his head down to his crotch. He wanted more, and if it wasn’t for Brian falling into drunken stupor after confessing his unrequited love for him, there would definitely have been more.

The sweet taste of his crush’s lips just hours ago, and the words that John was dying to hear, even from a Brian that could not tell day from night, John did not get a wink of sleep that night. As soon as dawn broke, John got up and quietly slipped into the Brian’s room, a little jealous of the peaceful sleep that himself was not able to achieve. John stared in awe of wondering how someone could possibly be so perfect and beautiful, and that person could have a hint of interest in someone as plain as himself. Of course, John thought depressingly, it is very possible that Brian thought he was confessing his love to his girlfriend Chrissie, who conveniently also has long brown locks. John decided to shrug off that thought, quietly slipped out of the flat, not before stealing a gentle peck on the older man’s lips, careful not to wake him. He wanted to get a head start on the drive home.

Even before the incident with drunk Brian last night, John was already feeling that things were happening too fast. It was a week before their first big tour and it had to be on the other side of the world. He decided to go home before he left the country. The excitement of going to America for the first time with the band on the brink of possibly making something big and having to put his master study in electronics on hold at least temporarily for the band were already making John a little uneasy. On top of that, it was also his 4th year anniversary of dating Veronica. He knew that both his parents and Veronica were expecting something big from him. Hell his mother even told him on the phone that she had grandma’s legacy ring ready for him to propose.

He knew life with marriage to Veronica would be comfortable and predictable. He could already see it 10, 20, 30 years down the line. Did he love her, John thought so. She was like family, like his best friend. Then why was it that he never got the same ecstasy he felt when Brian kissed him with her. If he married Veronica, would he never be able to explore what his feelings toward Brian were?

Knuckles white from his tight grip on the steering wheel, John’s thoughts started to jumbo and focusing on the road was just about the last thing on his mind. Before he realized, he was heading toward the ramp on the side of the freeway before everything went black.

John was woken up by a blinding white light. He rubbed his eyes, blinked and looked around. It was a surreal environment. He was on the sidewalk of the street where they lived in London on a sunny day, which was already an extremely rare event, but what is weirder was people were rushing just like they always were, but no one seemed to be bothered with his presence as if people could walk through him.

“Johnnie!”

John turned around toward the familiar voice that called his name. Walking toward him was a smiling old man with grey hair from his not too distant memory. It was his grandpa who passed away 4 years ago. Not having a chance to process the implications of seeing a dead family member, John rushed to hug the old man in a tight embrace.

“Grandpa. I can’t believe I will be able to see you again.” John’s voice cracked with all the emotions rushing through his body. He and his grandpa had always been close and if his grandpa was still alive, John was certain that he would help him sort out all the mess in his life.

“Where am I? If I am with you, does that mean I am already dead? I just remember hitting a ramp on the road during the drive home. I didn’t think I hit that hard.” John is totally over whelmed by what is happening.

His grandpa chuckled, “Don’t worry Johnnie. Your time has yet to come. You are just passed out now but will wake up soon. This is just an extremely special chance for you to see the parallel universes that exist depending on your choice.”

“Parallel universe?” John asked in a confused voice. Brian would be able to understand this better, John blushed while he thought.

“In fact, all events and existence are in parallel rather than in sequence as most people would believe. They exist in difference space but the same time. How you traverse from one universe to another depend on the decisions you make and path you take. “His grandpa explained. “John, do you have to make a big decision some time soon?”

John nodded, “Yeah, in fact, I am trying to decide whether to propose to Ronnie, my girlfriend. “

“Why wouldn’t you want to? She is a sweet girl and you love her. “His grandpa winked at him.

Trying to avoid his grandpa’s gaze, John looked onto the ground, “I don’t know. I think I may have feelings for someone else.”

“Who?” His grandpa asked.

John took a deep breath. His grandpa was the only person that he could tell everything to. “A..a boy, one of my bandmates.”

“The one with curly hair who plays guitar.” His grandpa chuckled mischievously.

John nodded. “How did you know?”

“Oh, I see everything from up there. “His grandpa pointed to the sky. “Hmm, I always knew you were a little different. Well, this is your lucky day Johnnie, you get to experience the universes that exist depending on what decision you make and basically see how the future will unfold. So when you wake up, you can make the choice that you won’t regret. Very little people have this chance.”

Even though John still don’t fully comprehend what is happening, but he knew this was an extremely rare chance. To be able to see the future, how cool is that.

“So let’s start with the universe if you did decide to marry Veronica, shall we?” His grandpa snapped his fingers, and the scene changed. It was the year 1975.

#queen #queen band #brian may #john deacon #breaky