Instinctual holdback
Summary: Since you started your sex life, Shinji had rejected the idea of doing anything face-to-face. Occasionally, the worst parts of you whispered cruel intrusive ideas regarding him thinking about someone else. The truth, however, was shockingly different.
A/N: Yeah, I have the biggest crush on this man. This is a love letter to him 💜
Warnings: NSFW / sex toy/finger sucking/hair pulling / gag (BDSM device) / slight bondage / slight dom/sub dynamic / praising/clothed sex (Shinji's end, reader's naked) / established relationship / super slight dacryphilia, only if you squint / teasing/cheek (face) clutching/purring/pleasure-dom!Shinji / fem!reader /
18+ content - MDI
There was a ghost story surrounding the walls of the Fifth Division: the ex-captain had died after turning into a half-hollow monster.
Shinji could sense how terrifyingly shocked his subordinates were to have him near when he returned. Despite his comical personality beginning to cushion the weight of suspicious glances, there were still those who did not accept the idea of someone like him in the Gotei Thirteen.
When he started to get close to you, Shinji's gaze lingered over yours a bit longer, searching for any sign of rejection. But never finding anything more than good-natured warmth, he gradually began to let his guard down.
It felt good to be close to someone who saw only him, not what he had been before the accident or what he became afterward. Sometimes, when you were snuggling while listening to some jazz records, Shinji would wonder if happiness was an accurate word to describe the feeling expanding in his chest.
Soon, gentle caresses and sweet kisses were no longer enough. Fortunately, your longing for him matched his own. Now, Shinji could show you other fascinating things he had discovered during his time away from Soul Society.
“These toys I brought from the human world are neat, aren’t they?” he asked, his tone full of the usual bantering.
The red gag in your mouth didn't let you answer. Your arms were tied behind your back, your ass up, showing him the best view. Slick slipped through your inner thighs as Shinji had been teasing you for what felt like ages.
You glanced at him. Shinji had the biggest grin on his face watching as the toy moved inside your cunt, amused at how you were desperately clenching to keep it there.
"Easy there!" He teased. "We don't want it to get stuck."
You were begging for him to touch you, but the gag in your mouth muffled every word. You were on the verge of tears. Shinji only got up when the first puffs left your mouth.
"Aw, was it too much?" He approached, sitting on the bed beside you. Shinji freed your mouth.
"Please," you cried, your voice cracking. Hot tears pooled in your eyes. "Please, I’ll be good.”
Shinji wiped away your tears with his thumbs and grasped your chin to tilt your head before pushing his fingers into your mouth. "Show me how good you can be."
You sucked on them through shaky breaths, rolling your tongue from his fingertips to his knuckles. Shinji hissed, pulling them out. He pulled your hair to lift your head before he kissed you. You could feel the piercing on his tongue as it moved in your mouth. It was so heavenly long that a drool slipped from your lips. The sound of your soft moans delighted his ears.
“You are so hot when you’re desperate,” Shinji panted after letting go. He shut down the toy. You whined. “Will you be good if I untie you?”
"Yes, yes I will!" You couldn't help the eagerness in your voice.
Shinji hummed, pretending to consider before clicking his tongue. He pulled the toy's string, dragging it out. You whimpered at the emptiness. Shinji proceeded to untie the ropes, and the relief you felt when your sore arms fell to your sides almost made you moan. Shinji stared at the marks, tracing them in wonder.
"You look so hot like this," he praised.
In a quick motion, Shinji undid his tie. The dim light of the room framed his neck beautifully. You reached down to spread your folds for him.
"Shit," Shinji breathed. Forget undressing. He untied the front part of the uniform. His predatory look over your body was making you ache.
"Get on your knees," he instructed, helping you up. "Place your hands on the wall."
You obeyed quickly, bending a bit. Shinji panted as he rubbed his cock over your cunt before sliding in. You moaned when you felt him stretching you up. Shinji sighed after bottoming out.
You felt his breath over your ear. He sniffed your hair. You clenched and unclenched around him to ease yourself a bit. “Can you feel what you’re doing to me?”
Shinji groaned as he kissed you again. You moaned into his mouth when he started thrusting inside you. "You're going to feel it too," he managed through an agitated breath, "all that you do to me."
He groped your body greedily with both hands, palming your thighs, your tummy, gripping one of your breasts as he kept fucking you from behind. You threw your head back, gaze full of bliss as you enjoyed his hands on you. The best tickles always roamed your body like static after the trace of his touch. You loved every bit of it.
Shinji bit your ear, and you moved your head to grant him space. He left a trail of open-mouth kisses on your neck, nibbling from time to time. He rolled your nipple between his fingers.
“Baby- You fuck me so good,”
Shinji moaned, squeezing you closer. You felt so pleased, so warm.
You grasped his hair before trying to turn back to meet his eyes, but Shinji roughly clutched your cheeks, digging his nails into them. "N-No, don't look at me. Close your eyes," he licked a stripe over your pulse line. You whimpered. "Enjoy yourself."
Since you started your sex life, Shinji had rejected the idea of doing anything face-to-face. At first, you thought he did not take you seriously. However, after a million failed attempts to have him address the reasons, you had given up. Perhaps, Shinji didn't find those positions hot. Yet, occasionally, the worst parts of you whispered cruel intrusive ideas regarding him thinking about someone else.
After almost one year of dating, you wouldn't tolerate it anymore.
You yanked his hand off and turned.
Shinji froze when your gaze locked his. The pair of yellow irises swimming in a pool of gray made you gape. You held in a gasp.
“It’s okay,” he said quickly, “It happens. We’ll be good as long as I hold it back.”
“Hold it ba- ?”
It hit you then: the main reason for his reluctance to let you see him was fear of rejection. It made your heart ache.
Shinji avoided your gaze. “Hey, hey, don’t make such an ugly face. It’s just something that comes with the package. I won’t harm-”
“I know that.” Your voice was suddenly too sharp. He eyed back at you. “And you should know I wouldn't be afraid of you,” you wanted to cup his cheek, yet, given the position, you could only aim to run your fingers through the side of his golden hair.
“You aren’t?”
“No,” you assured, tenderly. You grasped his hands to tangle yourself in his arms again. Shinji responded to the embrace, holding you gently. “I love you, every part of you.”
"Geez, don't be gross," he whined, turning his red face aside.
You chuckled. “Now that we cleared that up, when you thrust inside me again, make sure to fuck me like you want to. No holding back.”
Shinji kept your look. “It might hurt.”
“Make it hurt then.”
“Fuck,” Shinji hissed.
He bit your shoulder before resuming his pace, this time rougher. You gasped as he knocked the air off you. “Y-you asked for it. Keep that in mind.”
You whimpered as the tip of his cock grazed that sweet spot inside you, too good for you to respond. All you could do was allow him to keep sucking on the skin of your shoulders.
“Look at me,” Shinji told you in a shaky voice.
You obliged, settling your head on the crook of his shoulder. His eyes projected how much he was burning for you. You reached for his hair to pull him in for a kiss. He nibbled your lips, panting against your mouth. You liked his teeth.
You guided his hand through your front, tracing the path from the center of your chest to your lower belly, and down to your clit. Shinji muffled a moan on your lips at the touch of your slickness. He circled the soft nub dutifully.
“Yes,” you hissed just when his pace matched his hand movements, building the heat so fucking good. Your pussy tightened in response, and his cock twitched with the squeeze.
Shinji broke the kiss to look at you through hooded eyes, his brows furrowed as his moans became louder, like drunk breathings. He was as close and desperate to come as you were.
An inhumane sound poured out from the back of his throat, sending a shiver down your spine.
“Shit, you sound so hot,” you coaxed, “Let me hear you more babe.”
Shinji's moans got mixed up with it. The sound resembled a strange kind of purr. It was the most heavenly sound your ears had ever made out.
You could feel his shaky breath over your mouth as his pace became frantic. You pressed his hand more onto your clit, helping him keep the movement even. That friction sent you over the edge. Your hand went to grip his hair as your back arched. You came loud and long.
Shinji pulled out roughly. The sudden emptiness was almost cruel before the hot loads splattering your back began to ease it. Shinji leaned on you to catch his breath. You placed your forehead on the wall, enjoying the temperature change.
He took off his uniform, and you felt him cleaning you up with it just before you collapsed onto the bed.
The mattress cracked when he lay beside you.
“You were truly holding back before,” you commented, turning to snuggle him, still wrapped in the after bliss.
Shinji pulled you under him so harshly that it made you squeak. His eyes held a glimmer you had never seen before, his grin was wider than ever.
“I’m glad I don’t have to anymore.” He clapped his mouth on yours, and you did your best to keep up with his abusive kiss. He bit your tongue. “I wanna keep fucking you,” he panted over your lips. “so let me,”
Oh, dear, what did you just get yourself into?
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