#wonder what i'd be without you

[muscosus]

laios is so normal. he's such a good boy. it's everyone else who's fucking insane

#dungeon meshi #roro.txt #what do you mean you don't want to listen to him talk about monsters #why aren't you curious how they taste like??? #where is your whimsy and wonder and curiosity #if laios ever wanted me to come with min explore the dungeons for the sake of exploring and existing in it i'd say yes without hesitation #also he's just such a inquisitive and inventive person #i wanna take him out and feed him the nasties burger imaginable

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

why do I feel the need to filter myself all the time? as if people care if I want to use coloured text, if my art looks bad or if I spell words wrong lol it's MY blog, why do I care so stupid much what other people think? it's the same thing even when I'm writing in my diary, I'm like, "Oh NO what if I DIE and someone reads my diary?!?!?!?! they're going to think I'm cringe" BERRY you stupid idiot! stop caring so much what people think, you're not alive to appease others!! just do what you want!! constantly thinking about what other people think is so draining you don't even have the energy to talk to people because you're so worried about how you're being perceived. PLEASE STOP!!

#I'm getting really sick of you me! #tw vent #sort of #i'm alright #i just wish i could be myself and do what i want without feeling so scared and guilty all the time #it's alright for others to be themselves and express themselves how they want to in my eyes #but i judge myself so harshly for trying to do the same #sometimes i wonder how much of my personality really is me and how much is just coping mechanisms i've developed #i don't feel like i enjoy being quiet for example #i have so many thoughts constantly flowing through my head #things i'd like to say #things i'd like to add to conversations #being quiet makes me feel like i'm being burned from the inside but other people praise me for it #and i also wasn't born a self-loathing mess y'know? #i want to get better #but it's so so difficult #c ptsd #tw death mention #(just the word but still just in case)

[prince-liest]

на РУССКОМ значит говоришшш да??? очень рада знать, что вот какой отличный писатель еще может на моем главном языке шпарить, как то лестно х))) спасибо за написание таких шедевров как live on air, и я должна Вам сообщить что оно мне дало знать что я в действительности тоже асексуальна! у меня были подозрения в прошлом, но я даже знать не знала что моё отношения к любви совсем другое чем у моих подруг. я, как аластор, считала что я просто еще не нашла своего ‘единственного’ который заставит моё сердце биться быстрее и т.д и т.п 😂😂😂 а может и не нашла, у всех своя судьба. вообщем, просто обрадовалась знать что Вы как и я говорите на русском! Удачного дня))) 💖

I'm so behind asks, I feel like I blinked and this one was over a week old! I hope you don't mind me replying in English for a couple of reasons - firstly, because I genuinely have no idea how to conjugate anything to gender neutral in Russian without defaulting to the royal 'we', and second because I can't spell very well, oops.

Anyway, hello! :D That's lovely to hear - honestly, you, me, and Alastor are all on the same team in that regard, hahaha. I spent a really long time assuming that nobody interesting enough for me had just come along, so I know the feeling. I'm really glad that my works were able to offer another option to think about for you! Thank you so much, and I hope you have had a lovely week for the...eight days it took me to get to this part of my ask backlog. orz

There are a surprisingly large number of Russian-speaking folks in fandom (especially the Hazbin fandom), it's always really awesome to see! Even if I am personally somewhat limited in my communications.

#ask #personal #eldritch-hiraeth #I always wonder how people handle nonbinary pronouns in languages like Russian where it's impossible to really speak #without conjugating a large portion of what you say to your pronouns #ofc irl I'm not out to the people I speak with so it doesn't matter but I'd prefer not to misgender myself online #but it's such an integral part of the language that it seems really hard to get around without making everything sound wrong! #I guess you COULD just speak with the royal 'we' LOL #or at least I could. fits my username x)))

[pendraegon]

why is pete wentz important to me?? like him, i was a non white kid who grew up in a very white neighborhood in the chicagoland area and it was exhausting and isolating and so so so lonely it could make your teeth hurt. like him, i’m bipolar and no one has ever quite gotten close to describing what my highs and lows are like, but he’s the only one who has gotten close. (do you know what it's like being so so so manic and you know you're not okay and everything rushes around you and you feel like you're on top of the world but you know it's all a lie? an illusion? do you know what it feels like to plummet down so so so so deep and dark and there's nothing but you and that gaping ache inside of you, reminding you just how hollow and fake you are?) like him, i grew up enthralled and obsessed with rock, punk, the hardcore scene of chicago, and there was nothing and no one there for people like me and people who looked like me in a place and sound that i loved more than anything on earth. i saw him reflected in me and in the most non creepy parasocial way possible, he has been one of the most incredible influences of my life. maybe even one of the possible sunshines of my lifetime for all he is still a stranger to me, and i to him.

#for legal reasons as a joke — we’re also both bi. #but he means the WORLD to me. forever and always. #do NOT try to come at me with pete wentz slander i will kill you. sorry for not shutting up about this. im just incredibly annoyed. #he's not infallible. he's made so many mistakes in his life. and im not excusing any of them but you know #i wonder why pete gets SO much virulent hate and always has. might be the racism and ableism. but who knows. not me! #anyways stream mania by american rock band fall out boy (2018). legit life changing fucking album. also stream #their newest album so much (for) stardust. actually stream all their albums they're all so so so so good. i don't know who i'd be or where #i'd be without em. fall out boy forever and ever<3 fall out boy is for lovers<3 #also one last thing: you don't need to like him! you don't need to like fob either! it's just so so so wild the way misinfo about pete #specifically still exists. in fucking 2023. like get a fucking grip babes i was deep in those fucking forums in 2008 i know what's up. #okay. i hope you guys are ready im going to spam patrick images i think. what can i say. i miss them without a concert to look forward to.

[oncomingx]

@sclfmastery continued from here :)

"We'd both be dead," the Doctor agrees. Little boys prepared to do the worst to protect each other, even if it meant killing another child and hiding the body. Even if it meant one selling the other out to Death to become her champion.

The Master would have been killed, but probably so would have the Doctor, abandoned in that barn as a child, neglected and uncared for.

Two little boys who would have died if not for the other, locking eyes and saying we are the same, and finding solace in the familiarity.

"I didn't have a 'fanclub' when we met," he says, big brown doe eyes searching the other’s face for anything besides anger. "Only you."

#v: main #sclfmastery #;we're the only ones left (the master) #;wonder what i'd be without you (tensimm) #;if that's what it takes (thoschei)

[rosewheresheshouldntbe]

Rose on the bridge of the starship Enterprise? (Star Trek)

Rose shouldn't be a crewman aboard the Starship Enterprise, but she sure does look the part!

@hs2-rips for the original sprite, sprite edit & recolor by me. Background is from https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Bridge

#I wonder what she is seeing off in the distance; headcanon in the replies or tags if you want; idk Star Trek lore #I also found out that including links in post can reduce visibility so while the underline is cool; i'd like my posts to show up #also thank you for the request! this is fun :3 let's put Rose is more silly situations! #I used paint dot net nearest neighbor scaling to upscale the sprite without it being blurry btw for anyone who wants some editing tips #sorry if the left shoulder is a bit eh; I drew it on with a mouse & just kinda threw this together #making hs edits is fun; I see the appeal now :) #rosewheresheshouldntbe #homestuck #rose lalonde #star trek #originals

[percysjournal]

literally where would i be without those wonderful 60s house wives inventing gay people while watching star trek/ where would any of us be?

#I do wonder if it hadnt been star trek what show would have infected the house wives brains #like literally where would we all be without them #thank you women #I'd be nothing without you <3 #Percy talks #star trek #star trek tos

[magnusbae]

I confess, I am... kinda excited ; w ;

#sometimes i feel like all i do is just work and survive #once in a while get myself a takeout #i work so much and what for #i never buy anything it's so depressing to think about #since bookdepository closed even my occasional 'buy a book i'd never read' shenanigans stopped #i was lately contemplating buying a new pc‚ and while that's undoubtedly a treat‚ it does fall within my very strict: #'a useful electronic' category of allowed expenses #like i was wondering between ps5 / pc but again those are planned for for years now‚ and hardly can be called 'indulgence' given how #one is for work and the other is years overdue since i was waiting for it to be less expensive.. #ah‚ i babble 🙈 #i did decided i will not share this irl though #i figure‚ i want it to be my private little positive treat #without the unnecessary opinions about how a 'book is not worth that much' #i mean i agree but did you see the book #it's the sexiest book i've ever seen in my life #i am not sure if i'll go ahead and get oathbringer in a few years #but wok-wor are literally the two books i love the most #my most beloved #my light in the dark #-coughs- ok ok. #yeah. #this is the most you heard me babble here in a while -laughs- #i've had a rather rough few weeks and has not been present the way i wanted to be-- those i have not yet answered to-- i will-- soon. #buns.txt

[fiepige]

why work on your fic when you can just make shitty art of one of the scenes in paint instead?

look I told you it was shitty okay? lol at least it's out of my system now so I can go back to actually writing this stuff- hopefully it'll turn out better when written down than when drawn...

#I was seriously debating wether I should post this or not- but now I spent time making it so here it is and now we can all move on #in my defense I had to use my mouse to draw cause I don't own a tablet #and drawing with a mouse ain't easy when you're not used to it! #I wonder if people can even tell what it's supposed to look like #I mean if people can't I guess I kinda succeeded? #cause how do you draw an eldritch horror that's supposed to be incomprehensible to the human mind? #and yes that is indeed supposed to be hobie on the ground #well technically- spoilers! not gonna elaborate on that for now #if anyone's even interested in this fic lol #well I'm gonna write it anyways <3 #my post #sadly lol #my art #??? if you can even call it that #also if you can figure out what's actually happening in this scene I need you to leave my home immediately- #cause there is no way you could know that without havig read the stuff I've written down so far- but I'd love to hear theories anyways!

[medicinemane]

I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive

I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)

My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions

I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today

For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit

So I already wasn't in the mood for him

Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp

(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)

Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism

I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)

Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff

Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off

He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical

Being practical requires working in the confines of reality

...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something

You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do

So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?

Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?

...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?

Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help

#last two paragraphs are things that sadly a lot of people could learn #sometimes you need to shut your mouth and just listen #and this is why I have my no advice without action policy #if the rolls were reversed; I'm not willing to suggest someone buy a knife unless I'm willing to pay for it #most I'll ever do is something like say 'Just wondering if this is something you've already tried' #like know someone who go hacked here; and I just asked if they're running two factor authentication now cause if not it might help #like that's the outside amount of advice I'm willing to offer without action #because it acknowledges that they may have already thought of it; and it more just tries to float an option than it does suggest shit #honestly... I think I'd be less annoyed if it was like 'what about buying a new knife?; rather than 'you should buy a new knife' #advice in the form of a question makes for a dialogue rather than dictation #lets the other person just explain why something won't work if they've already considered it #like in this case... money; way rather just sharpen shit and get to spend money on food instead of a knife #like... this is the crux of what I complain about with my grandma; that groceries are my number one desire with money #are you my grandma? suggesting that I just flippantly spend money once it becomes something you'd want to spend it on? #...and the answer honestly is that yeah that's usually how people are #they can laugh off wasting money on shitty over priced clothes; but when it's what they like spending on that's what everyone should do #...maybe I fail at it; but I try not to do that #try to just be a back up to people and support them in whatever matters to them #and once again; only offer advice when I'm actually willing to do something like drop the money on getting them the thing I think they need #eh... I don't want to share the other dumb shit he was saying cause... dear god #edgy stoned dipshit talk; you know? #framed as actionable policy #good guy; helped me move shit up (I mostly needed a driver) but... utter fucking ass too much of the time #there's reasons we're not closer

[moe-broey]

Boots :)

Another Started As A Test Subject and now they're literally the only thing I ever fucking wear. Idk how well it shows in the pics but they are badly cracked and have been worn into the ground but like. Shoe comfy :(

Also the wings are a new addition! The inner ones slap against each other. Doesn't really bother me personally though so I'm keeping them as is 😅 Oh, and the laces are paracord!

#funnily enough these are also something i got at the beginning of my transition thinking 'oh yeah this is masc. surely.' #final tangent but this is why insane fucking terfs/transphobes who are like #'noooo don't transition what about our butches what about our tomboy gfs :((((' #i was literally never either of those things. #they are all so stupid 🥲 (for. a lot of very obvious reasons LMFAOO but specifically for that as well.) #but yeah i literally used fashion and artsy self expression as a way to cope LMFAOOO #and as a way to draw attention away from myself. despite. drawing SO much attention to myself. #seems counter intuitive and i won't argue w you there LMAOO it was to sort of just. be like. #look at my cute outfit :) don't. don't even think about the guy underneath them. #AND it was ALSO the only way i could somehow feel some semblance of self. cause i did truly love what i'd wear #and then i'd wonder why i'd break down crying at the thought of what i am without those clothes. #just? a girl? the idea gutted me and made me want to tear my skin off with my nails and teeth #but like. i'm sure this has zero implications about me. who i am. ect. and has nothing to do w trans thoughts i had in middle school. #time to pick a perfect outfit and get a good grade in Girl™ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 #nowadays i just wake up put on a band tee and i'm just some guy. forever and always. it's so fucking cool #literally does not matter if it's a pants day or a shorts and tights day i'm just some guy. it's so fucking awesome 😎👍 #for real even though i do still struggle w dysphoria some days worse than others i am so at peace. #i just wish everyone saw me the way i do. i literally cannot comprehend how anyone looks at me and goes #'ah....... a woman.' like. dude. for real? what are you seeing that i don't. #like bro!!! way not cool!!!! lame ass motherfucker!!!! #<- GSJSGSJ WAIT WHEN DID I USE THIS TAG BEFORE LMFAOO?? IT'S. SO FITTING HERE HAHAHAHA #anyways i was gonna say idk if i saw a motherfucker who's clearly striving for some androgyny #and a sick ass mullet no matter what immediately registers in my mind that i may have to correct later #i'm just. going to assume. they are some type of queer. and i am avoiding pronouns/gendered language #til they tell me 'oh yeah i'm :) and my pronouns are :)' and i'd adjust accordingly. #like idk that's so normal to me. what's not clicking for literally everyone else. #UGH ANYWAY i've been ranting and infodumping way too long i wanna get ready for bed now LMFAO #also if at any point you've looked at these pics and thought 'damn bitch you live like this' #yes. i know. i'm aware. i do live like this LMFAO 🫡😔 #my projects

[kakusu-shipping]

This scene from Virtue's Las Reward with GTM-CM-G-OLM but instead of Luna, Sigma, and Alice being the dumbest dummies when it comes to technology it's just me going ham info dumping robot nonsense while I'm massaging his poor stiff joints and he's flirting with me the entire time

#Virtue's Last Reward #Am I F/Oing the Cockney Robot who died after 30 minutes of screen time? Who's to say #I'm actually so obsessed with him I need everyone to know I have his full ID memorized already #Not that it's really all that hard #Ayo Alice shut UP about his ID being 'too long' if that's what he wants to be called THAT'S WHAT WE CALL HIM #I'LL BITE YOU #I've rewatched Lucah's episode that's JUST his scene at LEAST four times #Which isn't a lot but other things are happening and I am trying to keep up with the series #positive Lucah's computer crashed just for me so that episode would be just GTM-CM-G-OLM's scene #Thankyou Lucah's computer for forcing her episode short #So I could be a simp #He'd call me like. His little White Bird #And it'd be sooooo cute #I wish his voice was a little more metalic with a filter like K's #But I guess the point of Gaulems is to be near indistinguishable from humans #So him having a filter would kind of ruin that effect #I wonder what he's look like with ABT... #I like him better without it though <3 #Does Lucahjin still use tumblr what are the chances she sees this post??? djsjgfdjhgj Minimal I'd say #No one tell her I crashed her computer for Simp Reasons

[amazinlei]

SO RECENTLY I CAME BACK TO NEOPETS

AND I GOT TWO FFQ IN A ROW?? IN T W O DAYS??!?!!?!

I GOT MY ALIEN AISHA BACK YAYAYAY

His name is Smaulth. :3

#he's actually named after the alien aisha I had on my first account I'm locked out of #smaulth is also actually the name of one of my alien ocs so naturally I KNEW what I wanted from that first FFQ #I didn't think I'd get alien as a color without one #since you can only get it through the lab ray and all #and since my account is new I barely have enough for even like the most expensive pieces so they're out of my way #and I'd rather complete the lab ray as a set #but goddamn THE ECONOMY IS SO BROKEN ON THIS GAME??? #is it because half the games don't work?!?! and the 1% of users just overprice everything???? #dammit guys this ISN'T GAIA ONLINE!!!!!! #I wonder if gaia online actually exists.... another staple of my childhood. I remember wanting all of the clothes based off queen serenity #anyway my new neopets account is paintedpup and you should nf me :3c #Neopets

[el-im]

*tevye voice* but on the other hand, it is impossible not to acknowledge some of the particularly christian themes in the wrath of khan--

#i understand the irony of using tevye here but i cannot hear 'on the other hand' without thinking of him #also. VULCANS?! #coded as jewish? christian? japanese? lets take a vote #in which everyone voting only votes for the group they belong to because they see similarities between their cultural experiences #and outlooks and spock's. #which. let me clarify. is a GOOD THING. me seeing some vulcan practices as distinctly japanese and others seeing it as something else is #WONDERFUL and exactly what star trek is about. would just. love to see the diversity of responses i'd get if i asked what people saw in #vulcans. i know some of the specific jewish elements nimoy brought to the table in his characterization of him re: the rationalists and #kabbalists/the greeting being a blessing #but im not interested in canon #im interested in what people see of themselves reflected in the vulcans #as individuals #captain's log #trek #i forgot what i was talking about #im writing abt the genesis planet for a big secret ent project and referred to it in my head as the 'jesus planet' and then went. that's #rich for someone who just said that vulcan philosophy more closely mirrors buddhism than western religions #because its uhhhh where spock was resurrected #hi everyone #whats going on with all of you

[oncomingx]

@sclfmastery continued from here 🫂

The Doctor immediately moves to support the Master's weight against him with two hands on his outer thighs, before yelping in pain. The instinct is to drop him and the instinct is pushed away in favor of keeping his lover supported. He stumbles back, however, hips hitting the console for support.

"Other, I can't do one nice thing without you twisting it," he says, but it's not a complaint. True, he'd been trying to provide comfort, to hold him close and mend a few more bridges between them, but...

Listen, the Doctor is only one Timelord, and he is not immune to archaic Gallifreyan views on exposed necks and the effects they tend to have on his system. He blushes red-orange and stops himself from saying do it again.

#v: main #sclfmastery #;wonder what i'd be without you (tensimm) #;we're the only ones left (the master) #;if that's what it takes (thoschei)

[girls-and-honey]

Hiya honey girl!

How are you doing? ♥️

I feel gay today, and I don’t have anyone to vent to, so it’s gonna be you I’m afraid

I feel so gay, I spent half the day looking longingly in the distance, and *sighing* wishfully

Do you ever feel like that?

Last week I bought a red rose from a dude in the street and offered it to a beautiful lady singer in a bar, and even if I don’t particularly want to see her again, it still felt good to do something chivalrous and lesbiany you know?

I like living my life on my own, but some days I wish I could do those romantic things with somebody, like holding hands and cuddling, and walking along the river, and maybe kissing a little.

Even if I’m happy by myself, sometimes I still yearn for the day I’ll have my own lady to offer my roses to 🥺

inkaaaa hi hi <3

I'm doing pretty good, in drastic need of a weekend. almost there!

!!! gay vents are always welcome here! oh to look longingly into the distance whilst sighing wishfully...

do I ever feel like that YES absolutely in fact while pondering my response I did just that asjdfkl okay I might ramble in the tags but yeah completely relate to be happy with life on my own but sometimes wishing it wasn't just me yeah I'm definitely going to ramble in the tags

offering a beautiful lady a rose I'm 🥺🥺 sometimes you just have to indulge in chivalrous lesbiany actions this is unavoidable. manifesting this for you, I hope all your rose offering yearnings come true!

#this is so sweet and very relatable alksdfjs #only opting to ramble in the tags instead of the response bc I feel like this is going to get long lol you've been warned #but yeah. definitely do feel the happy by myself but sometimes wish I could be sharing that time with others #sometimes if i'm watching tv I'll wonder what new shows or movies I'd be watching if someone else was here #instead of the same eight shows I just watch on rotation all year (this is bc I like them btw. it's just hard to watch new shows #without external motivation to do so) #or when I'm working on the blanket that's been in progress almost two years. I wonder if I'd be making it in someone else's favorite colors #lot of little thoughts like this. some are fleeting and others I tend to get stuck on a bit or overthink #like breakfast for example. would I eat breakfast more consistently if I was also making it for someone else? what if they prefer to eat #the same thing every day? i need variety but I could make sure we always have their favorite fruit or put their cereal box out to make it #easier. or if getting the cereal out is part of their routine i can make sure their favorite bowl is always clean #i find myself wondering which of my mugs would be their favorite? which of theirs would be my favorite? #yeah i'm an acts of service person can you tell. also quality time... can you imagine the shared floor time conversations #a lot of the time I picture myself doing the exact same thing like watching tv and playing switch or practicing music or even working #the biggest different is just that someone else would also be here doing their own thing #to scroll tumblr in silence from the same couch... sending each other posts even though we're both right there. I do miss that #even chores would be more fun and go quicker I think. racing to see if they can do the dishes faster than I can fold and hang laundry #tidying and putting our things together in shared spaces. seeing them side by side just like we are #making the bed together and putting each of our stuffed animals on our own side #or maybe I'd just make it so they have one less thing to worry about #I think i've exposed myself enough alskdfj but there are quite literally hundreds more where those came from #anyway who wants to admit they have a crush on me (kidding) (ish) #asks #oops after posting this is looks like way more tags than I thought it would sorry anyone who made it this far