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“What are you doing?” asks Betty the dog, eyeing the vacuum cleaner suspiciously.
“Cleaning.” I reply.
“What’s that?” she asks.
“It’s when I go around sweeping up dust, and a lot of your fur, and mopping up dirt.”
Betty pauses.
“Don’t see the point in that,” she sniffs, “and that thing makes a horrible noise!”
“I know, Betty, I know,” I pat her head, “off you go, I’m about to turn it on.”
Off she goes to sulk on my bed.
Some things, dogs and humans will never agree on.

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X is a short piece written by me, it is inspired by the song of the same name by Hatari (don’t watch the video if you’re uncomfortable with blood and stuff…don’t read this either). It was the line ‘Þú horfðir á mig deyja’ that I was initially drawn to (meaning: you’ve watched me die). Hatari represented Iceland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2019, in Tel Aviv, and are known for their anti-capitalist messages…I hope you enjoy!!

(tw for: death)

Keep reading

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So after a long time considering what to do with this blog i`ve decided that I will continue to write on Tumblr. 

I have been away from my blog for a long time because of exam season and some personal matters. this has all been sorted out and ive come across my spark for writing one again. Thank you to the people that have supported me through this time and have continued to request writing aswell as liking and commenting my older pieces. Since im back for good id really like to have some more requests so that i can get a few short things posted while i work on larger projects. Thank you for being so patient with me! 

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i wanted to ask this as a writer who's lost confidence in their work. how do you keep yourself writing? if every word is a struggle. how do you not give up. please help. thank you. also, i love your work.

Oh, anon, I feel you. I hear you. This is the constant struggle of all creative types, I think. There will be those bleak periods of doubt, those stretches of this is dreck, muck, awful, I’ll never write again. We are always our own worst critics and cruelest enemies. 

I’m going to recommend a book here, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. I’ve recommended it before and I read it often when I get into a mood about my own work and worry over it. There’s a particular quote that has stuck with me and I’ve printed out and hung at my desk. This one:

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.” 

If you are like me, it’s so easy to get into a spiral of this isn’t good enough, this is shit and wind up staring at a blank page, writing nothing, waiting for the good words to come. But they don’t and the blank page stares and taunts you. But the thing is, creating is a bit like a faucet. Sometimes, when you turn it on, there’s a lot of rust-colored muck sitting in there and it’s got to spew out before the clean water flows. So spill the muck. Get it out. Let it air. (I saw this analogy elsewhere and have forgotten where, so I do apologize for borrowing it.) 

It’s so easy and simple to pull out the usual advice - just keep writing. It’s the truest advice but it isn’t always what we need to hear. But yes, in essence, keep on. My usual techniques for a bad stretch are to do the following few things. I might take a few days’ forced break and walk or go to a museum or such. I will read a lot (often, reading someone else’s beautiful words tends to inspire me). I will start doing drills. If the words are a struggle to get out right now, I highly recommend doing timed drills on description. I would do these often (and still do). Set a timer for fifteen minutes. Then look around you and describe what you see. Describe the walls and the eggshell-white paint. Describe the pockmarked desk and the bit of green Tempera paint spilled on it. Describe the half-empty cup of cooling coffee. Let it flow, write everything. These drills are incredibly helpful.

I’m fairly open about my own history as a writer and my long stretch of writer’s block. That is, I loved poetry and writing and was voracious about it. I wrote a ton of it from 16 to about 22, then suddenly started to get stuck and clam up. The more I tried to get serious about writing, the worse it got. I didn’t write much of anything for nearly ten years. The occasional poem here and there, half-hearted attempts at a (truly awful) novel. I kept saying I will force my way through this, but I was always just waiting for the perfect words and deleting everything and miserable.

“Clutter and mess show us that life is being lived…Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation… Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend. What people somehow forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.”  - more from Bird by Bird

It’s this book, Bird by Bird, that reframed writing for me. Someone once said that you can’t edit a blank page and between that concept and Bird by Bird, I fired up a Google Doc last October and was determined to just spill the mess in my brain out onto the page and delete nothing (beyond misspellings and little things but nothing of substance). It took me two months to finish the story but finally something emerged from it. It’s like throwing all your clothes in a pile and sorting through, folding and ironing, choosing what you want to keep and hang up, choosing what to give away. Sometimes you need that pile. It will be messy. That’s okay. No one gets their laundry out of the dryer perfectly folded.

“If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act—truth is always subversive.” - again from Bird by Bird

This is the last quote I’ll sneak in. Because I think this is what often terrifies us as creators. That quote again from Tim Krieder, “the mortifying ordeal of being known”. Because I do think that we often worry over our work and doubt it because either we’ve put too much of ourselves in or not enough. As someone who writes from a very emotional point of view, it’s incredibly nervewracking. But this is something you must just trust. Trust in yourself and in your gut. Trust in your feelings and emotions. Trust in the story you need to tell. Sometimes the one you want to tell isn’t the one you need to tell right now. But trust that what is in you is beautiful.

Sending all the love and the good writing thoughts. <3 I hope this helps in any way.

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I think I need to move on from everything and start a new life. If I do that, then, maybe I could be more happy rather than being sad all the time and making others sad too. I’m sorry for doing it but I just can’t control my emotions. I promise I’ll do my level best. 😥😥

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Sweet daughter…in a world full of pain sway to the beat of the music encountering Your sad affair, tears dont cry, don’t dry like a candle bleeding lying in your bedroom you die alone in your dreams whistfully overdramatic but overconceited kissing my hand you loved me once many years ago..left me about ten to fend for myself, i cant stop thinking of you..wish i wasnt a lost piece in your puzzle and an ache inside your valuable gold heart.

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