#yeah i like to draw people sleeping it's how i cope

[dollfacefantasy]

Kiss It Better

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!bunny-hybrid!reader

summary: on a day planned to be just for just you and leon, he gets called into work. it dredges up some old memories, and upon returning home, he wants to make it better by taking extra care of his baby bunny.

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, cockwarming, daddy kink, size kink, breeding kink, hurt/comfort, reader copes with her past at the shelter

word count: 6.1k

a/n: yay leon and his baby bunny finally return. i hope this lives up to the first part lol which can be found here. i have another part planned as well if people are interested. as always reblogs and comments mean the world <3

“I could never say no to my sweet baby bunny.”

A statement Leon had said off-hand in the heat of the moment. Something he’d told you as a comfort, a way of warming you up for your first intimate moments together. He hadn’t put much thought into it before it rolled out of his mouth. 

But damn, if only he’d known how true it would prove to be.

The words were ringing through his head right now as you dragged him through the mall on another Saturday he dedicated entirely to spending time with you. He’d already bought you a fair amount of stuff from cute frilly socks to pretty pink panties to some tiny t-shirts he knew he’d regret as soon as you used one to get your way. And now you were heading towards a shop tucked away in the farthest corner of the shopping center. His only hope was that the location meant it was the end of the line, the last stop on your trip.

From what he could see, it sold stuffed animals amongst other items that could clutter up his house. Luckily, the small plush toys seemed to be the only things drawing your attention. Your eyes scanned the rows before fixating on a specific one that sat on the bottom shelf. You crouched down to get and pulled it to your chest, standing up again so Leon could see your selection. His eyes soften as he notices your little cottontail twitching with excitement.

He can’t help the smile that spreads on his face at the sight. His sweet girl standing there with a small plush cow in her arms. The tufts of black and white fur jutted out the top of its head near a set of foamy horns. You looked up at him with puppy eyes, which he’d come to view as unfair since he’d chosen a bunny for a reason. But they worked on him all the same.

“Baby-” he starts, but you interject, predicting his argument.

“I don’t have a cow yet,” you plead, “It’s just one more.”

“Yeah, this one is just one more. And so is the next one, and the one after that, and the one after fifty more of these things,” he teases.

“C’mon, please,” you beg, stepping close to him to lean against his chest.

“Is this your way of telling me you want your own bed again? You’re just gonna fill the one we share with more and more of these until there’s no room and I’m pushed to the floor,” he jokes.

“No,” you deny, “Plus I put them away at night anyways.”

“Most of them,” he corrects.

“Cause I need my bear to sleep,” you say with a little pout.

He swears he almost swoons. You’re too fucking cute. He knows he’s spoiled you rotten. You’re treated better than the average hybrid to put it lightly, but he was past the point of paying that any mind. That shelter he’d picked you up from never let you have stuff like this. In his mind, he was righting their wrongs, burying those sad memories with as much cute shit as he could afford. And if other people didn’t approve, if they thought he should keep you silent and on a leash, he couldn’t care less.

Looking down at you now, playfully pleading with him for that stuffed animal, he knew he could never treat you like that. He rolls his eyes and messes with your hair, gently scratching the base of your floppy ears.

“Fine,” he says, “One more.”

You all but cheer with your excitement, bouncing up to give him a fat kiss on the cheek. He takes the stuffie from you and walks to the register to pay for it. You walk, lacing your hand with his and swinging your arms back and forth.

He looks over at you and instantly remembers why he always ends up giving in. Why he can never say no. Now that you had opened up, he couldn’t get enough of you. He’d loved you before that day a few months ago, the day when he’d caught you during your attempt at self-soothing with his pillow between your legs. But since that day, a whole new layer of you had been revealed to him. The sweet and shy bunny he’d met at the shelter touched his heart first, but the affectionate and needy girl you’d allowed him to see owned it now.

He pays for your little cow, adding another bag to the collection hanging from his arm, and leads you out of the store. You tuck yourself under his arm, clinging to his abdomen.

“Thank you, daddy,” you say quietly and press a kiss to his chest.

His heart throbs at the sound of the sweet name you’d attributed to him months ago. He has to remind himself that you’re in public before any other part of his body reacts.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” he says and strokes one of your ears with his free hand.

Once the pair of you reach his car, he loads your stuff in before giving you a pat on the ass as you climb in the front seat. You’re all smiles, and he couldn’t feel better. He gets in the driver’s seat and switches the car on. Your hand goes for the controls to the music right away. He always let you pick when you were with him. Each song acted as a little glimpse into you and what you liked.

As you’re selecting one you like, he feels a buzz in his pocket. He fishes his phone out as you share some of the stuff you like about the song you put on. You then start asking him where you’re going next, but the plans slowly begin to unravel as he reads the message displayed over the picture of you he had as his screensaver.

“Shit…” he mutters to himself before looking back up at you. Your ears droop in tandem with his face dropping. “Baby, I gotta drop you back at the house. I gotta take care of some stuff at work for a bit.”

He sees the disappointment in your eyes, and it kills him.

“But… I thought you took the day off,” you say. Your mood rapidly depletes. It wasn’t his fault, but it wasn’t fair. This was supposed to be a day where he was all yours. Twenty four hours where the D.S.O. laid no claim on him.

“I did, but I’ve told you how it is sometimes. I can’t get out of it some days,” he says.

“But you already stayed late all week. What else do they even need you for?” you ask. It may be irrational, but you can’t help how your mind floods with a sense of abandonment in the moment. You knew Leon would never do that, but the years you spent in that shelter had done a good job of convincing you otherwise.

“Just some formality stuff. I’ll be as quick as I can. You know I wouldn’t choose working over being with you,” he says.

Now he’s the one pleading. Your ears are flat on your head, and your eyes are fixed on your seat below you. He knows you feel wounded now even though you’re holding it in.

“If you’re mad it’s ok,” he whispers and reaches out to stroke your jawline, “You can be upset, honey. I won’t get mad at you. I know you were excited about today.”

As much as you had opened up, he could tell you still shied away from showing too much negative emotion. He knew you’d gone through some punishments at the shelter you were still too scared to talk about.

“It’s not your fault,” you say and shrug, dejection all over your features.

He sighs and starts the car, pulling out of the parking space, and heading towards the house. “I know it’s not, but you can still let out some frustration. I wouldn't think you’re ungrateful if that’s what you’re worried about. You wouldn’t get in trouble,” he says, keeping his tone gentle.

You bring your feet up onto the seat and retreat into yourself a bit. With a simple shake of your head, he knows the topic has closed.

He lets out a quiet sigh as he drives down the road.  It drips with the frustration that he’s letting you down. He can’t reach inside your head and pull out the negative effects of the shelter. He can’t tell the D.S.O. to fuck off and let him spend as many hours as he wants with his precious girl. All he can do is pull into the driveway and watch you get out of the car, your posture slightly slumped with the encroaching feelings of loneliness. You pull your shopping bags from the car. At least you give him a little parting kiss so he doesn’t feel completely emaciated.

He watches your sad trudge into the house before taking the car back out of the driveway and down the same road in the opposite direction.

Inside the house, the silence dominates you. You pad down the hallway to the bedroom that had once belonged solely to Leon. Dropping the bags of clothes near the door, you then hop on the bed and toss your new little cow up near your other pillows. Your eyes linger on the ceiling. You’d become familiar with the insignificant bumps and ridges above that provided a distraction on sleepless nights. Nights where you just needed to tune everything out and count them to avoid being haunted by the past.

Before Leon had taken you in, you always imagined you’d enjoy the quiet of a real home. The shelter always echoed with loud cries of sorrow, screams of anger, and whimpers of hopelessness. You’d lie on the thin mattress tucked in the corner of your area and try to dream of the days your bed would be lush with pillows and blankets, decorated how you liked and  surrounded by the peace of you and whoever had chosen to love you.

And now those days have come. They’re real. You didn’t have to deal with the constant atmosphere of despair or the looming threat of punishment for acting like a human being. So why was it so easy for you to tumble into sadness like this? Why did the quiet no longer mean sanctuary but rather the absence of the person you loved most in this world? You could never work it out. It was too hard. Any time you tried you ended up spiraling into even more self loathing. Because there’s nothing to be sad about anymore. There’s no reason to feel like this. That stuff shouldn’t bother you; it’s nothing more than a collection of ugly memories at this point. Why couldn’t you be grateful for the life Leon had given you? The man gave you just about anything under the sun you could want, so why did one minor inconvenience have to throw you off this badly?

The bags by the door didn’t make you smile anymore. They only brought guilt. You didn’t deserve them. All the gifts and love he lavished upon you would never make you into what you were supposed to be.

Your thoughts consume you for longer than you notice. The sky darkens outside, tinting the room with a violet haze. You lie on the bed under your self-made cloud of gloom for hours, not noticing how much time has passed until you hear the garage door closing and footsteps getting closer. You glance at the bedroom door as it opens silently.

Of course, it’s Leon. His eyes fill with concern at the sight of you. He’d seen you down before but never so deflated. His face now resembles how he looked when he caught you humping his pillow all those months ago, but it’s also distinctly different. He still has curiosity in his gaze, not able to pin down what exactly is the reason for the present circumstances. Though the reaction this time is more worried than surprised. Your present state doesn’t shock him; instead he feels a protective instinct flare within him.

He approaches the bed and sits next to your limp form. His palm rubs up and down your arm slowly. “Hey baby,” he says softly, “You doing ok?”

You look up at him and nod. Sitting up, you scoot to him and align your side with his. Your legs extend out in the opposite direction of him as your head rests on the curve of his shoulder. “I just missed you,” you say softly, your arms encircling the circumference of his bicep.

He presses a kiss to the crown of your head and starts rubbing your back. “You do anything fun while I was gone?” he asks.

“Nothing special,” you respond, “Think shopping made me sleepy.”

You speak with a soft tone of voice, attempting to further the idea that this was merely a bout of tiredness. His eyebrows rise with suspicion. As cute as you look with your cheek squished against his shoulder, he pulls your body around and seats you on his lap. His fingers sweep down your jaw and guide you to look up at him.

“You sure you’re just tired? Nothing else? We weren’t out for that long. I just wanna make sure you’re alright,” he says, trying to show you with how he speaks that it’s not an accusation.

But you remain firm in your convictions and nod. “Mhm, I’m already feeling better. I just needed a little rest,” you assure him and tuck your face against his neck.

It’s not a lie. You were feeling better now that he had returned, each passing moment had little improvement for your mood. But he knew something still wasn’t right. He strokes down the silky expanse of your ears while his other hand massages the base of your tail.

“Well, I missed you too, y’know? Couldn’t stop thinking about my sweet baby bunny the whole time I was at work,” he says.

You were already melting against his chest from the physical contact, but now a smile graces your features. “Really?” you ask, looking up at him again.

“Really,” he confirms, “I felt pretty bad leaving you all alone when it was supposed to be our day.”

“Oh, you don’t have to fe-” you start before he interrupts.

“No, I told you the day was gonna be for us. So how about this?” he asks, rubbing his thumb back and forth over your chin, “How about instead we make it a night for us? I’ll give you a nice bath, put you in some of the new stuff I got you.”

He kisses your head again, then your temple, then your cheek.

“Maybe daddy’ll even give you a special treat before you fall asleep,” he murmurs before kissing your lips.

Taking in a deep breath, you nod. You’re helpless when he treats you like this, disagreeing doesn’t even seem like an option.

“Will you get in the bath with me though?” you ask.

He grins and rises off the bed with you in his arms. “Of course. Anything for my baby bunny.”

The two of you head to the attached bathroom. He sits you on the counter while drawing the bath. Steam drifts up into the hair from the hot water pooling in the tub. He lights some candles, dims the lights, and lets you pick out the scent of bubbles you want.

You sit on the laminate countertop, lazily swinging your dangling legs as you watch him. He checks the temperature of the water multiple times and stares at the clear liquid coming from the bottle of bubble bath. Once that’s taken care of, it’s your turn. He slips your shirt over your head and your bottoms down your legs like you’re the most delicate thing on the face of the earth. Kisses land on your jaw as he pulls your panties off too and drops them in the hamper with the other articles of clothing. So meticulous about everything, at least when it came to you.

He scoops you up again and brings you to the bath, setting you down in the water before twisting the faucet off and discarding his own clothing. Then he climbs in behind you, slotting his body between yours and the cool marble.

“C’mere, baby. Nice and close to daddy,” he murmurs as he pulls you onto his thighs.

You sink into his chest. The feeling of his skin against yours is almost enough to make it all better, enough to make you forget about earlier. You nuzzle into his muscular front, making him smile. He strokes your face and takes care to avoid getting your ears wet.

Both baths and showers used to make you anxious, and he knew that. One of the details you had shared with him about your life at the shelter was having to share the space with all the other hybrids, including the bathrooms. You’d told him how much you hated it, and he could only imagine. He tried extra hard now to make both as comfortable for you as possible, pampering you like an absolute princess.

Thinking about all this, him going above and beyond for you like he always did, makes you turn more into his body. Your arms loop around him, and you place your head beside his, obscuring your downtrodden expression from his vision. Your chin rests on his shoulder as he returns the embrace and holds you closer.

“My perfect girl,” he whispers.

The words are complimentary, but right now, the second in particular stings like a blade. You nestle your face against the warmth of his throat and tighten your limbs around him, trying to drown out the bad swirling inside of you with the feeling of his flesh on yours.

He knows you’re still acting a little unusual. Maybe your heat was right around the corner and it had you feeling extra needy. Maybe you were just still a bit sad about missing out on a day with him. He wasn’t totally sure, but he just wanted to make it better. And the way you were starting to press against him, breasts flush against his chest and the warmth of your thighs pressing against either side of him had his cock starting to stiffen up.

“Sweet thing… you wanna feel a little closer, hm?” he murmurs, fingertips rubbing tiny circles into the small of your back.

You weakly nod.

“Is this close enough? Or should daddy get even closer? I think being inside would feel even better,” he whispers.

You nod again, this time with more motivation. “Please daddy,” you mumble.

“Of course. All you had to do was ask,” he says. He lazily strokes himself a few times beneath the water, getting himself a little harder before he lifts you slightly and slides in.

A soft moan drifts out of you as he lowers you again. You put your head back down on him and sit with the comfort of being full.

“There’s my baby bunny,” he coos in a low voice.

He also takes in the feeling of your tight walls sucking him in. The feeling of your warm, wet embrace wrapped around him.

The two of you sit quietly for a while more, the bathroom silent except for the occasional trickle of water when one of you shifts. Flickering lights from the candles paint the walls in dim orange as the scent of the bubble bath takes over the air completely.

But to Leon’s dismay, your mood doesn’t seem to be brightening up. You don’t start squirming with the need to ride him like you normally would. You don’t get extra sappy with him and start going for more kisses or longing looks. 

He reaches for the wash cloth resting on the brim of the tub and soaks it in the water. He squirts some soap onto it and gently rubs it up and down your back. He can feel your muscles losing some of their tension, but you’re still withdrawn. He continues tenderly cleaning you off while you sit with him inside you.

After a few moments more, not knowing becomes unbearable. “Honey, what’s wrong?” he asks softly.

“Nothing, I’m-”

“You’re not just sleepy,” he interjects. His voice is still loving despite the confrontational manner of the conversation. 

He gently guides you away from his body so you’re kneeling straight up in the bath. His eyes scan you over, trying to make this easier by figuring out what it is, but he can’t. He brings the wash cloth up to your chest and starts brushing it against your chest, between your breasts, and down your belly.

“I know something’s wrong, and I know you’re scared of talking about things like this. But I would honestly prefer you telling me what it is, even if it comes out harsh, to sitting here and trying to figure out what’s bothering you,” he says as he rubs your skin with the soft cloth.

“I don’t know,” you say timidly.

“I’m only asking because I care. I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is. Seeing you hurting hurts me too, baby,” he responds.

“I’m not lying. I don’t know,” you say again, some defensiveness seeping into your words, “I don’t know why I feel bad. I don’t know how to tell you what’s wrong. I just- I felt sad earlier, and I know I shouldn’t feel sad which makes me more sad.”

He sees the panic rising in your eyes and hears your words becoming more rushed. In an effort to keep the situation controlled, he pulls you back to his chest, hushing your worries by engulfing you with his arms. You reciprocate the motion, eager to retreat from your emotions. He takes a pause to grapple with what you had just said.

“What do you mean you shouldn’t feel sad?” he asks.

“Because… because there’s no reason to be sad,” you answer.

“If you’re sad, then there’s a reason to be sad,” he says and looks down at you with growing concern.

You shake your head. “No, there isn’t,” you whimper. You start to feel tears collecting in your eyes while your throat feels like it’s constricting. “You make everything so perfect for me, and I can’t do the same for you.”

He’s beyond confused at this point. He feels a couple tears fall against his neck, and all he can do is hold you tighter.

“Woah, woah, baby, c’mon,” he says, trying to prevent more tears, “What are you talking about? Perfect? I don’t expect you to be perfect.”

“Yeah, exactly because you are perfect. You never push me. You never ask for too much. You never do anything bad, and I still get like this,” you cry.

“... Is that a bad thing?” he asks, still lost.

“No, but I just wanna be perfect for you too. You work so hard all the time at your job, and then you come home and you have to deal with me,” you weep and cling onto him more, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that,” he says in a hushed voice, “You’re exactly what I want. I couldn’t ask for anything more than you.”

“Yes, you could. You deserve someone who can give you what you give. You deserve someone who’s not fucked up by stupid stuff from the past,” you cry, “I’ll never be a perfect pet, and I don’t wanna disappoint you.”

His chest aches and tightens up when he hears that. He starts to pull out, figuring this wasn’t the time to be balls deep inside you, but you stay locked around him so he stays put.

“Sweetheart, you’re not… I don’t see you as…” he starts, being careful with his words.

You continue your quiet crying against him.

“You’re more than a pet to me,” he decides, soft but firm, “You don’t disappoint me ever. You can’t disappoint me because I don’t have expectations of what you should be. You’re not some dumb animal that I want to mold into a fantasy. I know you were treated like that before, but that’s not what you are to me. You’re my baby bunny. My little love.”

More tears spill out onto him. The bathwater ripples with the shaking of your body.

“You’re not fucked up,” he whispers, “That stuff you went through at the shelter, that’s a big deal. I don’t expect you to just be able to move on from that like it’s normal. You need some extra care, and I’ve known that since the first day you came home with me. It’s not a bad thing. It’s something I love about you. I’m not dealing with you when we do things like this. You’re not a burden to me.”

“Promise?” is all you can choke out right now.

“I promise, baby. Cross my heart and hope to die,” he murmurs and kisses your temple. He sighs and squeezes his arms around you before saying a little more amidst the quiet of the bathroom. “I’m not gonna pretend I know exactly how you feel. But I know how it is to get shoved into a life you didn’t ask for. To get expectations put on you that you can never meet. I don’t want you to feel like that with me. I love you, and I’m gonna love you whether you’re a perfect ‘pet’ or not. That’s not what’s important to me.”

You know he’s being genuine. You hold yourself closer and press a few faint kisses to his throat. “I’m sorry,” you cry.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he whispers, “Just try and calm down for me, sweet girl. Take some deep breaths.”

You do as he says and work towards settling down. Your breathing slows, and the tears slowly stop. He grabs another washcloth and wets it. He guides your head up and gives you a small kiss before dabbing at your cheeks and cleaning your face of any remaining sadness. Your eyes flutter shut and relax under the loving care of his movements. He tends to your hair next, caring for it how you need.

Once your bath is done, he pulls out of you. You give him a little pout, bringing a smirk to his face.

“Patience, little one,” he teases before standing up with you in his arms.

He taps the stopper with his foot, draining the bathtub as he steps out. He sets you down so he can wrap a towel around his waist and then bundles you up in a big fluffy one. He dries you off and brings you in front of the mirror. He applies some product to your ears, something he’d gotten to keep them from drying out. You can’t help the smile on your face as his fingers gently rub down your long, fluffy ears. You can feel his love through his motions. He follows it with your hair routine, going through each step with precision and making sure to do it just how you like.

Before he takes you to the bedroom, his arms curl around your waist and he slots his head next to yours, gazing into your eyes through the reflective glass of the mirror.

“My baby bunny,” is all he says before pulling you out to the bed and laying you down on it.

He gets some of your lotion, a scent he’d become so familiar with. He rubs it all up and down your legs, taking time to lightly massage as he works. His hands glide all over your body, over your hips, up your sides, across your chest, and down your arms to your hands. Every inch of you was going to feel soft as silk if he could help it. The soft sighs of pleasure that come from you are enough to keep him thoroughly invested in the process.

When he’s finished, he plants a kiss on your lips and gets up. He heads to the door where you had dropped the shopping bags from earlier. He’s rifling through them, pulling out some new items you could wear to bed. He fishes out a cute t-shirt and some smooth panties when he hears your voice call to him.

“Wait, daddy?” you say.

“Yeah, baby?” he responds immediately, looking over his shoulder at you.

“Come back,” you request.

He looks at you curiously but stands up and walks back to the edge of the bed where you were sitting. Looking down at you lovingly, he holds your jaw and squeezes your cheeks. “What is it?”

“I don’t wanna get dressed yet… Maybe I could still have my treat… if you want to,” you initiate timidly while grabbing the hem of his towel.

He smiles and breathes out a laugh. “Yeah? You’re feeling better and need daddy again?” he asks teasingly, letting you tug the towel loose. It crumples to the floor behind his legs and unveils his cock to you.

“Always need my daddy,” you say, looking up at him.

“Don’t I know it,” he teases.

He pushes you back on the bed and crawls on top of you. Leaning down, he kisses and nips at your neck. His hands squeeze your hips. You nuzzle the side of his head affectionately. Out of the corner of your eye you see him swat away the plush cow that sat nearby on a pillow from when you’d thrown it earlier.

“Hey,” you say, feigning protest, “That’s mean. He didn’t do anything.”

“I’m sure he’ll forgive me,” he says with a grin.

Your body is already exposed from the bath, and he takes advantage. He kisses down along your collarbone towards the valley of your breasts. His palms cup them at the sides as his lips coast over them. He always took his time with you when he could. He’d get to rush when you were in heat and soaked just from being in the room with him.

Your fingers lace through the strands of his hair as you draw in a sharp breath. He laves at your nipples and the sensitive flesh of your breasts. His tongue caresses along the curves slowly, building your anticipation and causing your tummy to start fluttering.

His hand slides down your body, dipping between your legs to seek out your center. His fingers brush against the velvet folds and feel how they’re beginning to grow slick with your arousal. He swirls around your clit before pressing down on the sensitive nub and rubbing. Your lips part as you mewl.

“Is daddy already making you feel good, baby?” he coos.

You nod as your face starts to morph into that pouty look you get when you’re worked up. He loves every second of it and continues flicking his middle finger against the bud.

“You gonna let me show you how perfect you are, hm?” he asks.

You simply whine in response and tilt your head back against the pillows.

“That’s my girl. So fuckin’ pretty when you get like this,” he says.

He swipes his fingers up and down some more until he feels you're wet enough and ready to take him. He was certain you could take it without as much prep. Over the last couple of months, you’d you’d shown him the phrase “fucking like rabbits” was true after all, but he liked making you feel like you needed it. He like dragging his tip against your entrance, teasingly prodding the head of his cock at your hole. He savored the way you whine and squirm for it. Just like you were doing right now.

He pushes it in you, a deep groan coming from him as he sinks in all the way to the hilt. The way your eyes flutter and droop drives him crazy. His arms cage you down on the mattress as his knees sink into the plush blankets for leverage so that he can start thrusting.

“Perfect fit, that’s for sure,” he grunts, “No one else can take my cock like you can.”

You nod, whimpering and holding onto him. “Made for my daddy,” you say before gasping.

“Yeah you were. My perfect angel bunny. Sent down just for me,” he says and starts rocking his hips.

You writhe within the confines of his arms. Your breasts push up against his chest as your back arches. He fucks into you deep as he can, just how he knows you like it. Gripping your wrists, he pins them on the mattress, keeping you secure and in place so that he can piston his hips against you without interruption.

His own head tilts back, eyes shutting and lips separating the smallest bit. You gaze up at him like he’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. Every bit of him makes you clamp around his length.

“Such a good girl,” he mutters, “This is just what you needed. Just needed daddy to breed you and get you nice and calm again.”

That word makes your fuse burn faster, and you nod vigorously. “Can’t help it daddy,” you whimper, “I’m just a bunny. Don’t know any better.”

“Oh, I know, baby. Sweet little bunny like you needs to be bred. You need daddy’s cock to function, don’t you? Nothing feels right if you haven’t been bred,” he says, picking up more speed.

“Mhm,” you squeak.

Your legs start trembling hard as he hammers into your sweet spot over and over. To stabilize you, he lets go of your wrists and places his palms on the back of your thighs. He’s pressing you so hard into the mattress it feels like you might drop through straight to the floor. You cry out for him again and again, spurring him on.

“Good girl. I gotta breed my perfect little bunny. Fuck you nice and full like you deserve,” he grunts. The bed creaks with the force of his movements.

He pants as he drills into you. His head eventually falls forward to your shoulder again, but his hips don’t stop rolling.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum so hard, you’re gonna end up with a whole litter,” he moans.

Your eyes roll back and your legs lock around his waist. “Need it, daddy. Please,” you whine and clutch at his shoulders.

“I need it too baby. Need to knock up my sweet baby bunny. Gotta get you nice and full so everyone knows you’re all mine,” he says.

You’re both almost at the peak, gripping each other as tight as possible, sucking in air like there’s a limited supply. Both of you are moments from snapping when Leon’s eyes screw shut, his mind clouded by images of you pregnant with his babies. It’s too much, and he’s snapping into you like he’ll die otherwise.

“You’re gonna be the prettiest mama to our perfect babies,” he moans against you before his body starts sputtering.

The feeling of his cum flooding into you is enough to throw you over the edge with him. You seize up, back arching off the bed like you're possessed. You babble out some words of love, but all of it gets lost. You’re so jumbled up from the high, you both can only cling to each other as you ride it out.

You’re still breathing heavy as you come down, and so is he. Puffs of his breath come out right next to your ear. He lazily kisses below the lobe as you come back to reality.

“You see how important to me you are? See how much I love you?” he murmurs as he carefully rolls over and brings you to rest on his chest with him still buried inside you.

You nod and peck his jaw as you settle against him.

“Good. I never want you thinking like that again. If you ever need a reminder of what I think of you, I want you to tell me, and I’ll give you this same reminder.”

“I will,” you agree softly as he strokes your back.

You’re both exhausted from the exertion and the long day. He’s content to just melt into the bed while tangled up with you.

“Gonna keep you plugged up for a while, baby. Gotta make sure it takes, my sweet girl,” he mumbles as his eyes start drooping.

You gaze up at him, pretty sure you have hearts in your eyes. Your doubt and sadness had been abated for now. You nuzzle him and kiss his chest before trying to get some rest yourself. 

“Love you daddy. So so much,” you whisper.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy smut #resident evil imagines #resident evil x reader #resident evil smut #resident evil x you

[scientia-rex]

Do you have thoughts about dealing with your ADHD without medication? I'm in Europe where the laws are different and its haaaaard to access meds. (Immigration is very bad for consistent health care)

Yeah, I mean, caffeine. Caffeine in the mornings and propranolol if I overdo it or have too much caffeine after 1pm. Caffeine has a variable half-life depending on your genetics, so for some people they can have caffeine within about 4-5 hours of trying to sleep and for me if I have it within 9 hours of when I want to sleep I'm a little fucked. (5-9 hours is a relatively typical range for half-life.) Caffeine has active metabolites, which means that as your body processes it to break it down it creates different molecules which are still stimulants, so it's not as simple as "caffeine in, break it down, inert molecule out." You also need to be aware that your brain WILL develop tolerance, so taking drug holidays where you have a chaotic, disorganized day will help when you go back to work.

Another alternative is Strattera, generic name atomoxetine, which gets marketed as a "non-stimulant" ADHD medication. In my opinion it does still have stimulant qualities and the classification has more to do with legal status than medical reality. However, it does have a tendency to cause nausea, so I usually start people low (10mg) and ramp up to 80-100mg, which is target range for efficacy for most people. It doesn't seem as effective as the stimulants but it also doesn't have the legal implications of the stimulants.

Wellbutrin, generic name bupropion, is an antidepressant, but it's not the same as SSRIs or SNRIs--it has its own combination of effects on neurotransmitters that makes it a cousin rather than a sibling drug. It can be used (off-label) for ADHD.

In terms of other things I do to help myself cope, setting and maintaining a sleep schedule is critical. I definitely always feel like I'm being asked to wake up at the equivalent of 3am for other people. This means I need to make sure I go to bed and get up at consistent times, including days off. Bed needs to be for sleeping and intimacy and not for being activated--not for reading, not for hanging out. "Sleep hygiene" is about training your brain that when you go to bed, you go to sleep. The bedroom needs to be quiet, cool, and dark. You can Google sleep hygiene for more information on that.

Learning how to learn was critical for surviving med school. I didn't struggle that much with the material even in grad school, though I was more miserable overall in grad school. The sheer volume meant I couldn't just read everything once and figure enough would stick; I had to read, listen, watch, and eventually I figured out that I really needed to draw pictures and make myself flash cards if I wanted to actually force my brain to retain anything. Making sure I was physically comfortable, including that I was fed, hydrated, and didn't have to pee, was also part of the process. Getting there involved lots of tears and failing multiple tests.

Cleaning can't be an all or nothing proposition or nothing ever gets cleaned. When I start cleaning, I just grab whatever I'm walking by that catches my attention. Fuck doing whole tasks at a time consistently. Move those three bowls to the sink, in the kitchen realize I need to take out the recycling, take out the recycling and realize on the way back in that I have a load of laundry to start, start the laundry and realize I need to pee, while I'm in the bathroom realize I need to clean the counter, clean the counter and realize I need to take out the bathroom trash, take out the bathroom trash and realize I still didn't pee, continue until I'm too tired and then sit down and have a snack and a nap. My house is still a black hole but it's infinitely better than my apartments when I was younger.

Accepting that you can't do things the neurotypical way is a big part of it. Giving up on how things "should" be and recognizing what you can do and how you can do it is critical. I will never stop crashing into things so I've bought rounded furniture that hurts less when I crash into it. I'm slowly designing a life and a home where I'm playing to my strengths, and although it's a work in process, I'm slowly becoming happier.

#the attending dr. kristophine

[itsnotgray]

should’ve seen it coming | cole caufield

what if grumpy x sunshine didn’t work out?

never saw myself writing for cole, but i asked @fantillisdaylight for a few players and i liked this …thing? more than i thought i would. so yeah, hope you guys enjoy!

~

what if sweet, ball of sunshine cole started going out with this grumpy, not so easily impressed girl.

and for a while, it’s perfect, just like all the movies- but then reality sets in.

their differences that they thought they could move past, were too big for the couple to overcome.

cole, who feels like he can’t be anything but sunshine. with her hardened demeanor, he’s terrified that if he gives in to how he really feels, she may not be able to console him.

and she, who feels so intimidated at the thought of letting cole into her head. she’s the complete opposite of sunshine- and the idea of letting cole into the storm cloud she calls her brain is frightening.

eventually, it all comes to a head after a bad game. he comes over to her apartment, hoping her presence can work its magic like usual. but it can’t. cole’s upset, he’s been upset, and he can’t be bothered to hide it anymore.

“cole i’m here to help you-“ she starts, before she’s cut off.

“are you really though? because you don’t seem like it. most people that want to console someone don’t stand there with that blank fucking look on their face,” he bites back, frustration bubbling off of him like steam off a boiling pot of tea.

and she recoils, because there it is. it always happens eventually. she can’t be as expressive as her partner wants her to, and they leave, frustrated that something as simple as a smile or enthusiasm is so hard to draw out from her.

“i’m trying cole, i swear i am. i want to help you, i mean it. let me be there for you,” she begs, trying to stop the outcome she can sense is looming on the horizon.

but he can’t. he’s frustrated, he wants to advertise his fears, his struggles, but that fear of his emotions being too much for her to cope with creeps up again. and so he shuts down, putting up walls he didn’t know he had.

“just- forget it. we’re done here,” he frustratedly lets out.

“what do you mean we’re done here cole? you’re clearly upset- let me be there for you,” she exasperatedly states, tears of frustration building at being stone walled by her normally joyful boyfriend.

“not just here. we’re done, period. i can’t do this anymore,” he says, headed to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, hoping that’ll cool the accumulated rage that’s been simmering inside of him for so long, silenced by his need to keep up happy-go-lucky appearances.

his hand grips the cup tightly, as he quietly mutters “i’ll sleep on the couch and be gone by the morning.”

“cole, i- why the hell are you- forget it. clearly i never meant jack shit to you if it’s that easy to call it quits,” she says, mostly to herself, storming off to her bedroom, only letting her tears fall once her back is turned to the boy, who’s walls are now crumbling as he sobs quietly in the kitchen.

but his walls, defense mechanisms he’s never really engaged before, make one final move at protecting his heart.

“fucking avoid it like you usually do. real fucking nice that our relationship is crumbling before our eyes and you can’t utter one fucking word that makes it seem like you’ve ever given a shit,” he practically yells into the darkness of her house, but despite the darkness, the words reach her ears.

there it is. the final nail in the coffin. at his rage-filled words, her back hits the door, hand coming up to muffle the cries building in her throat, emotions begging to come out and scream “i’m here, i promise! she may hide me, but im here!”

her hand is practiced in the action though, and her cries of despair never reach the air.

two lovers that in any perfect world could worked.

two lovers torn apart by a beast that king eurythesus should’ve forced hercules to face in his labors, for then the hero surely wouldn’t have been successful.

a beast by the name of miscommunication.

#cole caufield #cole caufield x reader #cole caufield imagines #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fics #hockey imagines #nhl #montreal canadiens imagine #gray writes #nhl fic #nhl hockey

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Ace and Deuce special! Kind of… I guess lol Since our last post was about them. But there’re also some about AzuIde!

Anonymous asked:

Context of the latest post? :)

I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, Anon~ But I’ll let the second Anon answer your question:

Anonymous asked:

Hey Ace finally got laid!

The entire twst cast does the “omedetou” clap 😔👏👏👏 Congratulations, Ace!

Anonymous asked:

Not their faults that they share the same room, Riddle. XD Also, poor other two roommates. (Freshmen rooms have 4 roommates, 2nd year have two roommates, and 3rd year have their own rooms. Only Dorm leaders have their own rooms)

No-no, it’s entirely their fault, why would they even do something like this?! (Cue angry virgin noise)

And yeah, I honestly don’t know how their roommates survive this, but who knows, maybe they are out for some reason and ADeuce decided that they won’t get another chance like that and got a little bit too excited~

Anonymous asked:

Do you have any ace thoughts?? I have these like "twst character phases" where one character becomes my chew toy for a week and then gets discarded and ace is my latest victim 🤭🤭

I've kinda been thinking about pining!adeuce except deuce keeps fucking other people to cope and ace is insanely jealous and keeps avoiding him. Maybe he sleeps with one of their classmates (Jamil or epel maybe?? I like jamiace a lot) as a sort of "revenge"?? Which probably works after ace purposely doesn't hide the marks left from his "wicked plan" LMAO

Aftermath is they either fuck and become occasional fuck buddies making their pining worse or they avoid each other and make things worse (either way everyone is getting a headache from these two)

Ace is a nice chew toy, Anon, good choice! We have a similar situation, even though there are characters that are always our faves, right now we’re going through the first book again, so we’ve been kind of rediscovering Ace and Deuce lol

Ace and Jamil are a fun combo (poor Jamil just has to suffer because of his basketball club boys lol), but I honestly don’t know if Jamil would be up for something like that. Maybe he has his reasons though, it all depends on a scenario I guess.

Deuce feeling jealous despite knowing darn well that Ace is purposefully trying to make him jealous… god, how complicated things could be between them lol

I do like the idea of ADeuce being fuck buddies and not dating each other despite the fact that they’re super obviously are into each other and want to be together though; there are some nice doujins about Ace going through a crisis because he definitely wants to keep sleeping with Deuce, but just can’t help but cling to the “we’re just friends” thing, hurting Deuce very deeply. Wow this sounds more tragic that I thought lol but it doesn’t has to be: these idiots are hilarious, and watching them trying to figure shit out, fight, make out and fight again, and then have sex and stop talking to each other and then fight again is peak comedy. And also super headache inducing LOL

Anonymous asked:

Okay someone has to say it, next to Jack Deuce looks like a fucking stick. To be fair, you could be the buffest guy around and look like a stick next to Jack, he’s just THAT beefy

Yeah, Jack is hella big, so he has this aura that makes everyone shrink when they’re near him lol But I’m also prone to exaggerations when it comes to size difference. I love it too much

Anonymous asked:

i was the beach anon..also the dead dove anon from awhile ago, i’d love to discuss the beach scene potential in dms of that’d be ok

Oh hi Anon! :)

Sure, but only if you’re okay with me super slow (I mean it) with my replies. I absolutely hate making people wait and giving lackluster replies, but I also don’t have a lot of time and energy apart from drawing, which makes me a terrible person for chatting…

Anonymous asked:

Hello hi hello I am one simple man who enjoys AzuIdi very much- may your brain always be full of ideas and your hands be capable of completing all your missions

Thank you so much, Anon, it means a lot <3 God how much I want to complete all my missions. There must be more Azul/Idia in the world, and I’m happy to know that there are people who are excited to see them.

Anonymous asked:

So I was looking into your Azuide marriage AU and I find it very interesting so I was wondering if say Idia cheated on Azul for some mysterious unknown reason...what would Azul do??

Ohh thank you for your interest, Anon! I’m glad you like it :)

It honestly depends on the circumstances, but it would still be bad. Azul’s first instinct would be to learn anything he could about that person and how they know Idia. He would talk to Idia about it himself, but even if Idia just tells him everything as it is, Azul needs his own independent research to check if Idia is lying to him or not. Yes he is THAT petty lol

Azul is very bad at forgiving people, and cheating on him is one of the biggest betrayals a person could present him with. Of course, their marriage isn’t a romantic one, but it doesn’t change Azul’s feelings, and he’d be very hurt.

You’ve seen the “bad ending” scenario and probably have read my replies about it; although it’s kind of vague, but this is the reaction I’m picturing, to be honest. Maybe not as drastic, but he’ll also stop giving Idia any kind of privacy: either Jade or Floyd is going to be around him at all times, looking at his monitors, watching what he’s doing, who he’s talking to. Just to make sure that he isn’t doing anything stupid~

Oh, and Azul’s also going to scare that other person away or even ruin their life. Easily.

But there are also some exceptions that would make Azul begrudgingly look the other way. If Idia was to have an affair with Lilia or Ortho, Azul is going to just swallow his pride and try to act calm. But he’d still be super hurt and probably punish Idia in some other way.

#replies

[saratinz]

Maneater (Chapter 2)

pairing ➩ Ex!Bucky Barnes x Promiscuous!Reader (College AU)

series warnings ➩ drinking, asshole!Bucky, enemies to lovers, exes to lovers, love triangle, smut, slut shaming, cursing

chapter warnings ➩ cursing, drinking, mentions sex

synopsis ➩ Y/n finds a place to stay.

word count ➩ 700

Not knowing what else to do on a Friday night, you go to your favorite frat house. Your head replays the events of tonight over and over on your walk. You’re so distracted you almost walk right past the party. You make your way inside. Luckily, you carry your own flask, and you quickly down the whole thing. If there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s unhealthy coping. 

It doesn’t take long before you feel the comforting hands you’ve grown to love come around your waist. Steve Rogers is the sweetest guy you’ve met. He transferred to your university sophomore year to play football. He’s the perfect guy, tall, handsome, sensitive, and genuine. Since he is on the football team, he doesn’t even drink. Every girl on campus adores Steve, but he only wants you. It’s pretty amazing being the luckiest person on campus. You melt in his arms, finally getting a sense of relief. Tonight, Steve is all you need.

“Steveee!” You draw out, not really noticing how drunk you were until this moment. 

“Y/n.” He mocks your tone. You lightly slap his bicep, and he lets out the cutest giggles. You truly don’t deserve him. He’s far too pure. But he sees you, truly sees you, and he still hasn’t ran away. So you don’t either, even though he scares you shitless. His voice is comforting like no other, his presence is a gift, and his patience never runs out when it comes to you. “What’s wrong?” He always knows when something is off. 

“I fucked up, and then I got kicked out of my house.”

“Do you need a place to stay?

“No, I’m fine.”

“Where are you sleeping?”

“Ummm, I don’t know.”

“Y/n, you’re going to stay with me tonight. I am not going to leave you alone with nowhere to go. How about we go now?”

“Okay,” you concede, knowing deep down that he doesn’t see you as a burden, even though you always feel like one. You hold hands, leaving the party barely five minutes after you got there. Hey, at least you have a temporary home. 

“So, what’d you do to get kicked out?”

“I kissed Jane’s crush, twice.”

“Oh my god, you kissed Thor?”

“Yeah, I’m not proud of it, but like it’s really hard for me to resist when I’m drunk.”

“Y/n, it’ll all be okay. Maybe for now stop kissing people you’re not supposed to.” You laugh, the absurdity of this situation hitting you all at once. You’re going home with the guy you’ve wanted to sleep with for months, but only to sleep. This is not how you wanted your night to go at all. “I’m sorry, it’s just,” you blurt out, still giggling, “I’m about to go to your place, and we’re not even gonna have sex.”

“Think of it as a fresh start. Maybe this time you’ll get with a good guy.”

“You mean like you?”

“And we’re here.”

“Answer the question Steve.” No response as you walk into the building or up the stairs. You already know the answer though. 

“Hey, Buck, I’m home.” As if the night couldn’t get any worse, you’re ex comes and greets you at the door. You wanna projectile vomit all over the smug prick.

“I see you have company, you gettin’ lucky tonight, Rogers?” You roll your eyes, hoping maybe they’ll get stuck, and you won’t ever have to look at your enemy ever again. 

“Y/n, this is Bucky, Bucky this is Y/n.” 

“Oh, James and I know each other.” Steve almost seem shocked at the use of the brunette’s real name. But he ends up dropping it.

“Well then you won’t mind if she stays with us.” Bucky looks between the two of you, looking for any sign of a joke, but he comes up empty. 

“Goodnight, lovebirds.”

“Night Buck.” And those are the last words spoken between you before everyone was off to bed.

Being in the arms of Steve Rogers is incredible, it’s warm and inviting. In no time at all, you are feeling the sweet embrace of slumber.

Previous chapter / Masterlist / Next chapter

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #college au #enemies to lovers #exes to lovers #love triangle #angst #bucky barnes smut #steve rogers smut

[lil-demi-boy]

OMG your mw sketches are so good! especially beebs love shrike jojo pose and i would love to hear your theories : 3

Aaaa thank you!! I love drawing them both a whole lot, but I definitely need to draw more Beebs <3

But yeah as for theories, they'll be under the cut Big shout out to my friend CL for helping me like, break the show down and get ideas going and thinking of a few of these first

(Also heads up, I just finished typing out Shrike's theories and it's long as hell so big read ahead)

Okay so some Shrike thoughts

He's canonically the last of his species, but he doesn't seem too torn up about it like Beebs seems to be about his own past, so is he just really good at hiding that pain or does he genuinely have no regrets?

If he is hiding his pain, the Terran obsession could be his coping mechanism, he hides in El Bandito cartoons so he doesn't have to face the truth that once he's gone, his whole species is

On the flipside, in the show, he seems to sleep just fine, dreams about normal things, never seems to have anything bothering him consciously or subconsciously, so I actually think he's genuinely fine over being the last of his species

I'll get back to that in a minute though, for now I'd like to look at his style: we know he wears a suit he got from being a member of LAW, and his guns match his suit/shoes, so I imagine he got the guns with the suit and was trained by LAW how to use them

He also claims "this is all I know!" when Beebs tells him to stop shooting in ep 3 so it's not hard to imagine he went straight from knowing little about fighting into LAW (unlike Beebs, who I'll get to)

With his LAW history in mind and seeming lack of care about the eradication of his species, it makes me wonder if the two could be connected

There's the Hunted theory, the Superman theory, and the Bad Alien theory, two of which involve the storage crystal in the back of his head

Said crystal appears to be very important; it's limited, but it is hammer space, it could have a ton of practical uses, and would likely be something that bad people wanna get ahold of, plus in ep 2 (which is HEAVY with foreshadowing, even with stuff that happens in the episode itself) they point out Shrike's crystal several times, calling him the Mother Crystal, showing Beebs looking between Punti's crystal and Shrike's, even Dr. Agnes tried to pull it out of his head at one point, so I'm thinking someone's gonna want it

In comes the Hunted theory: Shrike's species is born with these crystals, or they're at least given at birth/a young age (with Shrike saying he's had his since forever in ep 2), but since they're so useful, other aliens started hunting his species down to kill them and take the crystals. Shrike was taken on to LAW bc he was one of the last few of his kind n they wanna keep an eye on them

Literally as I was typing I thought of another theory, the Foreshadowing theory: The way Shrike talks about what happened to him (LAW setting him up with a dumb job after) makes me think it was actually more like a mass extinction, much like how Punti is the last of his kind after a mass extinction, one that LAW showed up afterwards to find and take the last one into custody, though in this theory, I think Shrike's crystal and the multiple comparisons between Shrike and Punti may point to Shrike being the only one of his kind with that crystal in his head

Which is also the case in the Superman Theory, where his family knew they were all gonna die, so they put Shrike in a pod (either being born with or given the crystal) and sent him off to protect him as they all die (which yeah isn't original but come on, baby Shrike)

Finally there's my favorite theory (NOT the one I believe in the most, just the one I think is the most fun to write for), the Bad Alien theory: why would Shrike be so carefree about his whole species being dead? Well what if they were actually a horrible species, like the Krill in Orville? They're blood-thirsty conquerors responsible for wiping out plenty of other species, and something about Shrike (maybe the crystal?) made him different and decide this wasn't okay, so he finds a way to work for LAW and be their spy on the inside, helping his species get captured and killed as punishment for all the pain and destruction they've caused while Shrike gets a job for helping them out so he can stay on his feet

Also not a theory or anything, I just love the detail that Shrike's chair in the Bucket has a spot on the headrest that's been scratched out by Shrike's gem, idk how they thought of that but that's so smart

Anyway that's enough about Shrike, let's get on to Beebs

Beebs oh man, sweetie, my baby boy, he has got to have a sad fuckin backstory. He's missing 3 of his 4 limbs, he implies he's lost at least one loved one, he's just so iudhfishuis I love him

Anyway, in episode 3 when he's talking to Us, he mentions he's been through losing someone "once or twice", which to me points to the possibility that he lost his partner or his family, but tbh I think he lost his wife (or whatever gender partner you prefer to think of him with) and child

He's very fatherly, taking the lead and being gentle and patient and understanding, plus in ep 2 when the Lythop that went in Shrike's head was crying, Beebs was already bent on a knee and ready to hold the lil guy like a dad comforting his crying kid, and in ep 3 he sits in with Shrike and lets him talk about El Bandito like a kid showing off their favorite cartoon to their dad (plus it makes him a dilf)

There's also another character we've seen in promo art, Champion Ajax, who looks like a Walrinian like Beebs is, and his name being Champion Ajax (among other things I'll get to) gives me the impression that maybe this species is battle-heavy and loves to throw down

They're physically imposing and tall, plus Beebs is shown to be a skilled fighter with both his close range hammer and long range grenades; I wouldn't be surprised if he could use every weapon in his light stick thing tbh

With champions and a proficiency in mixed weapons, what if Beebs' species takes part in gladiator type sports? Fighting each other for the fun and glory with the biggest and strongest of them all being the champion

If this is the case, I do think Beebs might've been a champ at one point, but he finally lost or quit

I don't have fancy names for these theories, n they're more like thoughts anyway but like

It's possible he lost his limbs during his run as Champion and that led him to quit (he didn't seem interested in getting any more parts of him made mechanical, as evidenced by his response to Shrike telling him to get an internal translator)

But the way sadder option is that whatever took his limbs is also what took his family, like some kind of explosion or something, or even worse, something that he did caused it

If you'll notice, sometimes when he opens his mouth wide, you can see two weird, round "teeth" in the corners of his mouth, which come to find out are actually where his tusks should be (side note: BLESS the artist who drew him with his tusks that one time, I love it)

So why doesn't he have his tusks? Were they cut off because he quit being Champion? Maybe he was blamed for the death of his family n cutting off tusks is a sign of shame/exile

Him being exiled may count for why he's in Monkey Wrench right now, like in ep 3 he clearly wasn't sure he was cut out for merc work so I highly doubt this was his idea, he likely needed a job to keep himself afloat, and here came Shrike

On that note, I wonder about Shrike and Beebs' relationship, cause when talking to Us, Beebs said that Shrike is his friend "or something"; have they just not known each other long enough to really call each other friends, or does Shrike just annoy him n that was a joke? How long have they known each other? Maybe they met through LAW at some point?

That's about all I got, but yeee thank you for asking, and apologies if it's a lil too long

#ask #monkey wrench #shrike sanchez #bulldog browns #zeurel

[istherewifiinhell]

back on the grief train woo woo (day recap) (most serious skip warning yet)

i have a predilectiction to not wanting to record or remember when (like the specific when in time) bad things happen. but in the last couple years of blogging, and i guess the year and change of drawing ive found a lot more appeal of recall. so i wonder if its not so bad to. record the bad. at any rate i dont think. not recording it makes it less real. which i think is the fear. and. my head is doing it anyway.

im doing this coping method questionable activity here instead of a journal becauseeee??? natural format my brains prefers i suppose.

to recap. the bad horrible no good very bad day

- i went to sleep late, as usual. i wake late. same. i prelong getting out of bed. also same. scrolling idly (or 'pre scrolling' the dash. i dont know why i do it)

- screams. screams and distress and misery and comforting a screaming distressed person. various talking down of hysterical lines of thought. (thats not an insult. 1. circumstances 2. understood behavioural trends) the joint and mouth gear i sleep in dont even come off until the screaming is done. have u every pet someones head in a wrist brace?

- lots and lots of crying. more comforting. the gear comes off. i brush my teeth. exhausted sitting and hovering around the. scene of the incident.

- migration to kitchen as food needs win out. all doors shut and all living beings collect. toast is eaten. water drank. etc.

- backup arrives. infomation is gathered. places are looked up and called. plans are formed. actions are taken. i mentally catalogue setimental, soothing, but give upable fabrics.

- i rip up threadbare torn bed sheets. i have to figure out how to get my dead cat into a box.

-he was around 12-15 pounds. we called him toddler sized and shaped. he had a mean punch and strong grasp. i taught him to sit on my shoulders, sometimes.

- realise how much heavier he is now. i cry. i cover him with the sheet. i somehow get it under him. hes stiff. even the tail. i cry. i pet his fur. i sob getting him into the box.

- backup apologizes. im on my knees. wailing. i think. definetly louder than anything ive done yet. backup gestures the dog at me. knowing my situation. distressee entered at some point. gets a hug from back up. i think i am gestured into the hug. i gesture down. im on the floor.

- i wail and am hugged.

- i am invited on the trip to the place. i gestures to my face. my sleep clothes. i dont see it happening. im told i dont need to be strong all the time. i reiterate. i really just wouldnt be able to get my glasses and a mask on.

- i dont see the box. i dont see much. at i dont remember if i have tea now or earlier. i soon as i hear the car go. im crying again. the sister cat meowing didnt help. i dont actually know or belief if that. i have no idea what she experiences. shes a cat. but. yeah.

- blogging happens? sometime happens? people return.

- im told. four years ago he developed a heart murmer. apparently thats a thing. 4 years. bengin to. serious.

- blogging happens. as well as algorithmic irony. i am asked if i want to watch something. i say. shower first. i forget ever song ive ever heard. for a moment. i settle on the album pocket.

- eventually i come down. i get food. we watch a movie. its a good movie. i have a nice exchange with a friend during too.

- i watch some dishes and realise. bizarrely. my old manager might find out about this. the vet was near to my job. the guy was friends with the techs. this was the kind of infomation he would share with me at times.

- youtube videos until the group disbands.

- i start recounting this my head

- i am wearing pjs i dont like. whatever the level for snotty sleeves where u chuck a set in the hamper has surely been met.

- typing this. using a spare pillow case as a hanky

- im gonna go and try and find the horse traqulizer of pleasant youtube videos.

#some shit #animal death #TRULY. this ones for my own purposes. i have no fucking clue what another human being would do being presented with this info and #am not expecting shit nor dick. #just me and my public internet diary okay?

[pansear-doodles]

in your 'Would she spare them?' post, is the art under the cut official or not :o ?

I'm GENUINELY surprised it fooled a lot of people believing that its real! (which is half of my intent whenever I draw them anyway lol)

Unfortunately its not. I kinda wish Artificer has more endings than the ones we got, but at the same time that would probably defeat the movement of her bittersweet arc.

Keep reading if you want to see a part of the process but also spoilers for downpour (obviously)

I do tend to do a lot of wishful thinking and blissful ignorance to the bleak reality of the game, as it made me depressed once and I cope with drawing the scugs in more positive light (especially arti who is also my favorite one out of the bunch). Call me Weenie Hut Junior for when it comes to these kinds of stuff.

Then again, I did have a drawing in an au where she gets killed by her babies who were manipulated to join the Scav King's side. Uh. Ouch.

Anyway, I had to study the art style to really make it convincing. But most of the splash art in the game shift gears with the subtle things a LOT. (though i cannot blame them if the original artist either forgot how to do their own style completely or hired a new team of artists to recreate the style; or well, it was their own decision to make some more distinctly stylized than the others). I define them in 3 different ones. (so far)

The first one being that it has a crayon texture, mostly. Less blending but its still present. We can really see that in Artificer's promotional, as well as survivor and Monk's selection screens.

(Notice how bristly the scavengers are.)

The second being that it has a crayon texture but blur blending is more prevalent and there's some more gaussian blur applied for background/foreground elements. We see this mostly on passages and several splash art.

(Although the blending is smoother than the previous style, you can clearly still see the texturing on the lizard's head)

Then the third is straight up smooth as heck. Mostly found in sleeping splash art and some other title screen art. It loves utilizing the gaussian blur a LOT to give more depth to the slugcat and its surrounding elements.

I would go for an in-depth tutorial on how to copy the styles, but I'm not really one fit for a detailed one per se, let alone be comprehensive skdfsafd

As long as you have the basic shading and lighting principles and the correct brush shape with texture (i use a blocky crayon texture one), you can probably pull this off if you practice.

Here's one I did where I attempted to draw the three styles on one of my RW OCs The Associates. (which the discord server seemed to like lol)

Oh yeah, videocult can TOTALLY hire me to make more custom splash if they wanted to. I felt like Rivulet and Spearmaster needed because their campaigns were lacking that for the most part. (and by an extension, Artificer too, as her cutscenes are just in-game) (pspspspsps come come)

I'm really itching to make more in general in the future. Its genuinely fun to attempt to copy the style of the game, which I love, as well as seeing the occasional reaction by people believing that these are real (either accidentally or for if they want to believe so they can be happier).

#ask

[bl33ditout]

15 Questions / 15 mutuals

tagged by @666yen to do this little question game, tysm friend <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

no, not anyone in particular. my irl name means something like "good listener" or whatever, which i would actually say is pretty true abt me

2. When was the last time you cried?

oh just yesterday actually! had an existential crisis rq lol X)

3. Do you have kids?

fuck no, don't know if i ever will tbh. not for a very long time at least

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

yeah lol

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

their hands, the way they carry themselves and the way they speak. their eyes, too

6. What’s your eyecolor?

blue. i get told a lot that they are very, very blue lol

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

both X)

8. Any special talents?

just my writing and drawing skills

9. Where were you born?

idaho (don't remember anything about it though - we moved from there when i was very young)

10. What are your hobbies?

staying alive, sleeping, procrastinating, ignoring reality, drawing, reading, writing, listening to music, and watching movies and shows but very inconsistently lol

11. Have any pets?

two chihuahuas; one of them is named Waddles and is skinny with light brown hair; the other is Chico (or Fluffy as i call him) who is far chubbier with pale fur. i love them both, but have a special connection with Fluffy because he comforts me so much. they're brothers <3

12. What sports do you play/have played?

none lol. never been all that athletic or should i say uhh sporty? my family tried to get me into golf as a kid, i fucking hate it though lol. i tried out other stuff too but never got into it. too much effort lol

13. How tall are you?

5'6

14. Favorite subject in school?

english, art and some parts of history/social studies

15. Dream job?

shit i don't even know anymore. i'd still say novelist, whenever i finish and put out my book but you know how that is

Tagging: @feelingsofaithless @coping-via-clint-eastwood @echoanddust @bunnygir1 @disruptxrr @violetbudd @corpsemaggot @ch3rryzzz and anybody else who wanna do this!

#ask to be untagged #no one has to do this if they don't want to btw #i love these sorta things so tysm again friend for da tag #tag game

[dewi205]

Nico di Angelo Headcanons/Fic Prompts

- sometimes he sings Hazel to sleep

—— like Italian lullabies or idk Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift

- his eyes are actually gold like Hazels but it looks dark because his hair is always in his face

- when Nico is tired or just waking up he calls Hades “papa” or “padre”, Persephone “mamma Seph”, Thanatos “Uncle Than”, and Cupid “the b*tch”

- he likes wearing a small half man bun (with his shoulder length hair) when training

- he sees Lester (mortal Apollo) once in Camp and immediately tosses a wad of cash toward his head and sprints away

—— Lester starts chasing him screaming “ANGELLL!!”

- when he was in Tartarus and about to be put in a jar he bit one of the titans that put him in the jar and ripped a chunk of flesh off one of the titans’ hand, he kept the flesh in his mouth and rationed some of the meat to eat before eating the pomegranate seeds

—— he has always been eating meat raw-ish (it comes from his mothers side of the family)

—— baby has adorable sharp as fuck canines, comes from his mother

- it’s impossible for anyone to lie to Nico because there are no lies in death and shadows (it’s what Nico uses to judge souls), death consumes everything and Nico is The Prince so the only other person higher than his authority is Hades and Persephone, even Demeter needs to do as he asks when they’re in the Underworld

—— (Solangelo) Apollo is also the god of truth so if Will inherits that trait as well then the Will/Nico is just the most brutally honest couple that acts as judge, jury, and executioner at camp

- he is ambidextrous, so is Leo

—— as another way to commemorate his first human friend he learnt how to use Jason’s gladius and duel wields his sword and the galdius

—— he fights and texts at the same time

- Nico is absolutely horrible at archery but basically forced multiple archery experts (no one was spared, he asked dead people, gods, and living) to teach him their skills

—— as a way of coping with Bianca’s decision to leave him for Artemis

- one summer the heat actually became so ridiculous Jason walked up to Nico during breakfast, picked him up and put Nico on his lap to cuddle with an ice pack

—— Nico was only okay with it because it was so early in the morning he couldn’t work up the anger needed to shove Jason off (or eat, Jason ended up feeding him)

- the gods really want to make Nico immortal because he manages to keep relative peace in Olympus, and let’s be real, they can’t do shit without Nico and Hades smacking some sense into them

- sometimes when he’s REALLY happy and excited he doesn’t smile he just wiggles his toes, it’s always hidden under his shoes so no one can tell when he’s happy but yeah —— when he’s talking about mythomagic but restraining his enthusiasm he does toe wiggles

- Nico came out of the war with Gaea with Marie Antoinette syndrome, half of his hair turned white during his 3-day stay in the infirmary the night after they got his shadow traveling thing settled —— people saw his gold eyes during that time as well so people genuinely thought he ascended and became his namesake—an angel —— he meticulously dyes his hair black because he thinks the white hair means his body succumbed to weakness due to stress, Nico doesn’t like when his body betrays him like that (his partners are getting him to work on it)

- Hades and Persephone call Nico “Niccolò” and Mr.D calls him “Nico” ( no one knows why Nico is his favorite)

- he never grows taller, but Hazel also never grows taller, Hades children now forever exist as tiny and cute

- Nico can activate small parts of his Roman aspect as well, but it’s like really derpy (when he wants money he gets a diamond launched at him)

—— when Nico and Bianca were children Nico once really wanted this chocolate bar but didn’t have money so he wished reeeaaallly hard for money and was showered in like $20 in euros, dollars, yen, etc (he jumped like a startled cat, went up like 5 feet istg)

I don’t write fics or draw but if someone wants to use my headcanon please do there is no need to ask.

#nico di angelo #headcanon #nico di angelo headcanon #percy jackson #the house of hades #persphone #hades is a good father #nico is a sinnamon roll #cute nico #cute nico di Angelo #everyone loves Nico #Nico supremacy #gremlin nico #percy jackon and the olympians #will solace #annabeth chase #bianca di angelo #piper mclean #jason grace #hazel levesque #frank zhang #praetor reyna #reyna arellano #friendship

[ezekieltobiasfletcher]

Keep It Simple

The worst of my bout with COVID is over. Tomorrow will be two weeks since I noticed the uncomfortable tingle in my throat. Yesterday marks one week since I suffered the worst of it. I am on the mend, but some symptoms still linger. As much as I want them to go away, I need these remaining mild symptoms to linger a little while longer as a reminder. I need to be reminded of the promises I made to my higher power that I would take better care of myself. To sleep when I am tired, and not to use substinances, screens, and people to distract myself from the work and pains of living my life on life's terms. I need to be reminded of how honest I was with myself as I pleaded through prayer to survive this virus. I need to be reminded that I will not find my salvation in thinking about what I need to do. I will only save myself by focusing on my higher power and walking my talk. If I want things to be different, then I need to continue breaking from my old habits and coping mechanisms and act as-if, being different, everyday, one day at a time.

I had very little appetite while I was in the depths of COVID. For a few days, all I could tolerate was Lipton Noodles packets with some added rice. The first day I felt a little better, I knew I needed to consume calories, protein, and fiber to help my decimated digestion system. I decided to keep it simple, and made myself two eggs, scrambled in the pan, and two slices of wheat toast with butter. I also decided to nourish my soul by playing one of my favorite games with my mind. I call it, "look how lucky I am..."

I was raised by an early Boomer mother, born in the latter half of the 1940's. She was raised by parents who grew up during the depression, and she also spent a great deal of time with her maternal grandparents, who together with my maternal grandparents, all survived The Great Depression. The love and hardships that my mom was raised with gave her the ability to always find silver linings and to make do with what she had. I will write more about her someday, but for today, I just want you to know that I am very grateful for her and her simple, everyday values that bring me comfort when I need it most. My mother's spirit is part of the great amalgamation that is my "higher power".

As I was making my breakfast, I put on a YouTube Music playlist called: Depression Era, Golden Age of Radio. I remembered stories I was told about what it was like living through world wars, the 1918 flu, and the Great Depression. While preparing my meal, these memories of stories from my family made me thankful to have a stove, cookware, a toaster, sliced bread, butter, eggs, salt and pepper, and a warm home with indoor hot water plumbing to live in. By my grandparents and great grandparent's standards, I have everything I need to live a good and simple life. By simply having a job and a home in the United States, I am in the top 5% of the world. Look how lucky I am.

As horrible as COVID has been for me, it helped me get to bed earlier, I haven't had any marijuana in two weeks, I've limited my screen time, I removed all the social media apps from the home screen of my phone, I've logged off from work by 5:30pm each day, I'm being more intentional about my meals, and with not getting the munchies from the pot, I'm not snacking all the time like Scooby and Shaggy. And as shitty as being sick was, literal pun intended, I am back to my pre-COVID lockdown weight. So yeah... I'm letting this recent mental bottoming out affect me, and I'm getting out of my own way and drawing even closer to my higher power. Look how lucky I am to be alive and be able to change for the better.

For what it's worth, that meal of eggs, toast, and a small glass of orange juice, it was the most delicious fucking meal I have had in a long time. I never want to forget the depth of gratitude I felt on that morning; ever.

#me #personal #recovery #spiritual awakening #12 step recovery #12steps #keep it simple #grattitude #i miss you mom #great depression #golden age of radio #COVID #covid19 #covid isn't over #higher power #act as if #one day at a time

[midchelle]

What songs do you think were written by John with Paul in mind at least? I know there’s so many of Paul’s which are arguably about John but because John’s life was cut short we only have his songs from the 70’s which seem pretty straightforward in being about Yoko and Jealous Guy seems to be one of those despite Paul thinking otherwise.

There are a few Dakota demos floating around that seem to be about Paul, or at least The Beatles, but I think in general John kept that stuff off his albums. I don't think it was a headspace he enjoyed being in. Paul probably didn't, either, but when he writes a song he enters a fugue state, comes out of it, and examines what he's made like an archaeologist studying the ruins of a prehistoric society: It's possible that this was made in response to An Emotion, but we're not sure. More information is required.

The Beatles A lot of the songs people think are about Paul assume that he's in love with him, and while I might agree with that to some extent, it's not a very good way of doing history. So here's the ones I think are probably about him without assuming that.

Day Tripper (1965) Expanding brain meme where the top tier is 'write a song about how he sucks and make him sing lead on it.' Makes you wish for a world where they stayed together during the seventies and John sang harmony on Too Many People.

Nowhere Man (1965) It's a very Paul kind of songwriting move to write a song about yourself and frame it as 'so there's this other guy I've heard of who's a total fuckup, not me though.' So is it about John? Is it about Paul? Actually, it's about both of them.

These are two different people. And one of them, believe it or not, can't see me at all.

And Your Bird Can Sing (1966) Process of elimination, it's probably about Paul. I know Marianne says it's about Mick, but I don't know if John cared about Mick like that. His bird couldn't even sing at that point. He was still going out with Jean Shrimpton's little sister. There's another theory that it's about Frank Sinatra, which I thought sounded kind of plausible, but it's probably about Paul.

Come Together (1969) You think you're just moseying along this beautiful, lazy river of agreeable nonsense, and then he hits you with 'got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see.' Wonder what that's about.

Post-Beatles

I Found Out (1970) It's a song about becoming disillusioned with things you once believed in. Paul is literally mentioned by name.

How Do you Sleep? (1971) Yeah we all know.

Jealous Guy (1971) Maybe it is a little bit about Paul, I don't know. There must be some reason why he thought that song was about him. It could just be cope. There's only one way for us to know for sure: FBI, release the seventies John Lennon wiretaps!

I Know (I Know) (1973) I've already mentioned the riff at the beginning, but let's talk about:

#9 Dream (1974) It's been ten years since The Beatles broke America, and he was referencing back to A Hard Day's Night with the promo for the album. He's clearly feeling a little nostalgic for early Beatlemania, before he was so cruelly forced to learn what money is and how shares work. If not directly about Paul, it is about their shared past. It's about playing music with someone you loved, so long ago. It literally came to him in a dream, the most Paul McCartney songwriting behaviour that there is. Look at this:

(Just Like) Starting Over��(1980) Me when I write a song about rekindling a dormant relationship with someone I love while drawing on the artists that influenced me and my songwriting partner when we were young and also name-dropping both his hugely successful second band and one of his songs: it's not about Paul.

#mid.txt #there's others that could probably be about him but these are the ones I'm most positive are about paul #also! so sorry it took me ages to reply!

[gobstoppr]

hey gamers so i was listening to this song (midnight moonlight, remix of triple deluxe final boss themes) and had some ideas for a comic / fic? about kirby and dedede going to visit taranza .

heres my disorganized rambles from the notes app .

== taranza visit ==

-id like to think that like. every few months kirby and ddd go to visit taranza . -its that time of the month again . look kirbys got his mess of a calender right here . its got a silly flower doodle on the date -wake up wake up wake up we gotta go cmon wake up -ddd is barely awake . hes annoyed . huh . what . what is it why are u bothering me at 7 in the morning -kirby enthusiasitically pointing at the dreamstalk out the window . sigh . oh boy time to fucking climb huh -no matter how sleep deprived and grumpy you are , u cant let down a promise to kirby . hell drag u along regardless . -bandee's also coming . yeah -ok so now were starting the climb up the dreamstalk . kirbys flying a bit ahead. hes using beetle because better flight . ddd's behind em carrying a bunch of stuff for a picnic later . hes like climbing climbing . strong . bandee is helping -hey are you sure ur alright carrying all that . well yeah ofcourse im fine lol. im the strongest guy ever ive got this . <-- is exhausted -kirby enthusiastically greeting everyone they pass . oh hey its one of floralias funny flower fairy guys . hi ! hi there !! how are u !! hes like an energetic puppy . he sees literally anyone and is overjoyed . -maybe the people of the sky still hold ddd extremely highly right . like yeah were well aware it was initially a misunderstanding that u were the hero of dreamland but ur still our hero . they personally helped/watched ddd when he was doing that section with the cannon,, and probably witnessed him helping to free kirby so he could finish the final blow on sectonia . -but yea i think it would be entertaining if hes like . a super big deal to them . tries to act all cool like yea i know im the best haha . he is a selfconscious mess and this is how he disguises being flattered -ok so eventually we meet up with taranza all the way up near the castle in royal road . -taranzas happy to see them . hes constantly trying to tidy up in little ways like fixing his hair and straightening out his scarf and such . even tho hes sorta close with them hes a bit of a perfectionist and wants to be seen as well put together . -we do silly fun things . have a picnic in the garden . taranza teaching the others about plants . bandee is fascinated by his rambles . in the past taranzas been shown to think of himself as very cool and clever sometimes so maybe . he plays chess with ddd some . you know snickering to himself when he thinks hes about to make a really smart move. ddd playfully teases him over it -maybe at one point taranza gets a bit gloomy . maybe hes staring longingly at a dreamstalk blossom and feelin sad over sectonia again . ddd could try to reassure him a lil . give em a pat on the back -kirby suddenly remembers somethin . runs over to his bag and pulls out some flowers local in dreamland that he had brought for taranza bc he knows he likes that sorta thing . taranza cheers up a lil bit . somethin somethin thematic about learning to cope and move on some . accepting the love of the people around you now while still retaining part of their memory . -they hang out until sunset . idk maybe they spend the night or somethin its a long way back

thats all ive got for now yea

i might try to draw a few of these ideas later . just . thinkin about the guys ykno im replaying triple deluxe again and MAN. that game. is so fucking good .

#kirby #text #king dedede #taranza #kirby triple deluxe

[padfootastic]

Hope you don’t mind me sharing this with you. 💛

So, I have this headcanon that James is really good at drawing/painting. Like I see him as being really creative in a lot of ways. But this particular creative outlet stared out as a little kid having fun with art like most of us do. BUT it developed into this passion and something he really wanted to be good at after meeting Sirius because he wanted to draw things to make him smile. Like this really took hold after he found out just how shitty Sirius’ family is. So over summer breaks James would just bombard him with drawings of anything and everything he could think of to cheer him up. (Comic strips, pranks unfolding, some crazy surreal image, you name it he drew it). Some move some don’t. Which eventually evolved into James drawing primarily the two of them together being their chaotic selves doing god knows what, but there is also some incredibly sweet, tender, and intimate ones that Sirius will never allow another person to see because they are HIS and he like sleeping with them under his pillow or something and stares at them whenever stuff at home get too hard before running away. 🥺😫💙

: o never!!! inbox is always, always open especially for such precious headcanons 🥺🥺

ok but !!! that’s so good!! i love it. i know people talk about musician/singer james but artist is a new one for me and it’s so lovely. i can see it too. he’d totally be the type of kid to leave handprints and scribbles and doodles all over potter manor and you just *know* effie and flea always encouraged it so he brought the habit with him to hogwarts; it’s not surprising to walk into their dorm and see the walls filled with all kinds of things.

i also like him channelling his energy and hyperactivity into art; using it as a way to process Big Feelings and when he’s feeling helpless/powerless which clinches very neatly with Sirius’ situation. james can’t do anything about it, not really, so he uses this medium to try and cope & make sirius feel better at the same time.

i’m also now imagining boudoir art (that’s a thing right? if it isnt, it should be) where he draws sirius in those super intimate moments u talked about and omg ok listen. i have a Thought.

so sirius isn’t vain right? like, he knows he’s beautiful but that’s about it. no more than that. he doesn’t even think he’s All That bc of a pretty solid complex instilled in him by his family where nothing is ever good enough right? but then. then he sees james drawing him like this, the way j sees him and he’s basically just gob-fucking-smacked bc it’s literally like an angel or something and ‘that can’t be me right? no way?’ and james is just like ‘of course it is si who else?’ and he just has to mentally recalibrate bc he suddenly has way too many feels and ‘oh my god what do i do now is that really how he sees me’ and just. yeah. james breaking down his barriers one by one lol.

or or or someone takes a look through an oblivious pining james’ sketchbook (who thinks he’s just innocently drawing his surroundings p; and it’s just filled with sirius, yeah? and they’re like ‘huh. u got something to tell us, mate?’ and he’s just like, owlishly blinking, clearly confused. ‘…no?’ and the other person just gets more and more suspicious like uh yeah sure u don’t and james is just getting flustered when they point out what’s going on and yeah. sure be nice if this is how he founds out he’s in love with his best friend lol

sirius being possessive of james’ art is also so precious 🥺🥺 like someone tries to take a peek and he just snatches it away with an unimpressed look like ‘mine 😤’ it’s so hilarious

#james potter #sirius black #prongsfoot #also lowkey thinking of an AU where james and luna are really good friends bc of their shared interest in art #kinda like a mentor-mentee thing? 👀 #and he just becomes like this confidante for her and it’s really cute #fuck but i wanna write this now #also this got weirdly long lol #but yeah. absolute love artist james & muse sirius #there’s something so Right about it #pen’s notes #pen’s asks

[boyfhee]

GET TO KNOW ME GAME !

tagged by · @dearhee

tagging · @koishua @yujipg @amakumos literally don't have anyone to tag 🤣 just do this even if ur name isn't here

birthday: 25th may, i wish i shared it w someone

favourite colour: rose gold, gray rose / gray lavender, ice blue

do you have pets? no, but i do have a stray cat i feed and she basically lives in my backyard

how tall are you? no

how many pairs of shoes do you own? 😵‍💫 around 20

favourite song: sherlock ( oceanfromtheblue ) 긴밤 ( seori ft GIRIBOY ) mimi ( youra ) by my side ( junny ) i have so many help

favourite movie: interstellar, literally the best thing ever directed. also, these are not movies but 2521 ( kor. ) first love ( jap. ) threads our tapestry of love ( jap. )

who would be your ideal partner? lee heeseung yeah, he is the standard. but fr i like people who i can communicate with easily, without much issues ( i mean, we can understand each other ) the main thing i look for is probably, how they are under pressure or how they deal with things / serious things. this is very important to me because i need that person to be there when we're going through something so it's really important that they don't avoid problems ( besides, people like that annoy me help ) also someone who's fun but is also smart ? like, we can joke around and also discuss about something academic, it's fun. i mean i love to talk about interests and how things work, everything logical. i also like pretty ppl and heeseung is very, very pretty.

do you want children? ok i'm gonna be honest. like a few years ago, i was so against it, but now, i can consider. i mean, i'm not saying i will have kids in future, but i can consider. i can at least adopt one so yeah, can consider.

have you gotten in trouble with the law? no

what colour socks are you wearing? i don't wear socks off season ( no one here does )

favourite type of music: classical, but most recently added is krnb

how many pillows do you sleep with? one

what position do you sleep in? straight ?? it's good for posture

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: noise. loud music, or talking too much. u want to talk, go do it somewhere i am not sleeping

what do you have for breakfast: fruits / fruit juice, milk ( with toast, optional ) on school days. when i'm home, i usually have a bowl of fruits with coffee ( odd choice, i know, but it really gets me through next 5-6 hours that are very crucial )

have you ever tried archery? except in amusement parks, no

favourite fruit: guavas, grapes, kiwis, bananas

are you a good liar? very, very good liar

what’s your personality type? intj, i like being smart fr

innie or outie? former

left handed or right handed? ambidextrous hehe i can write + draw with both hands ( love me for that )

favourite food: we have these dishes called pav bhaji & idli sambhar, honestly heaven

favourite foreign food: pasta ( creme cheese one especially )

am i clean or messy? both, more on the clean side

most used phrase: innit, "just like me fr," at the most random times, "help me" as a way to express delight "sweetheart," to call my friends help does that count?

how long does it take for you to get ready: 20 minutes, at most. i don't use makeup except eyeliner & gloss but even if i opt for anything more like blush or eyeshadow, it takes 30, at most

do you talk to yourself? it's a coping mechanism

do you sing to yourself? all the time

are you a good singer? i think? i mean, i passed 2 rounds of sm global auditions so that says something

biggest fear? yk deep water? where you aren't able to see anything except pure darkness? the eerie feeling it carries? that. it's not a phobia, but it's to the point that i get scared even by looking at it in pictures so i avoid those

are you a gossip? we all are, to an extent

do you like long or short hair? medium to long

favourite school subject: science, biology specifically ( zoology, in that ) and that's why im pursuing med lolol, also i love english, engineering graphics and math minus commercial mathematics and trig

extrovert or introvert: introvert but i talk quite a lot when i'm with family or with close friends ( the classic, yk )

what makes you nervous: doing something for the first time, going to a place i've never been, MAKING SPECIMEN SLIDES i swear i've spent my highschool years making microscope slides but it never fails to make me nervous like what !! if !! there's !! an !! air bubble !! v good at it but i still have tendencies to mess up

who was your first real crush? this guy from tenth grade, we went to a competition together from school and got lost in the city so ig that's where my feelings originated from

how many piercings? 2

how many tattoos? none

how fast can you run? idk bro but it's pretty decent

what colour is your hair? black

what colour are your eyes? black

what makes you angry: when i can't do something that i know i can do ( like when i mess up a painting, or some questions ) people who think they're entitled to everything, people who talk shit behind others ( i mean we all do that, but like, i dislike ppl who use others and then talk behind their back ) people who avoid responsibilities, PEOPLE WHO ARE CRUEL WITH ANIMALS i swear if u dont treat animals nicely you will have a miserable life

do you like your name? definitely

do you want a boy or a girl as a child? can't pick

what are your strengths? i am very, very calculative so i make decisions i do not regret ( slay ) my determination is through the roof, i've been told that i'm eloquent & clear with agenda which is such a plus point for me, i have experience with tons of things ( science, math, art & painting, music, dance, basketball, volleyball, swimming, cricket, badminton, chess, baking, finance, coding & computer science, writing, tutoring, public speaking, basically everything that my parents ever made me learn plus it's v fun tbh ) i can adapt quickly, i am amazing memorizing skills, quick learner

what are your weaknesses? i know i sound like im bragging in prev question, but i have so many weaknesses to cover my strengths up . major one being finding it hard to concentrate and staying motivated, getting things done on time, my laziness god i am so lazy. it's super hard for me to build a habit and ever harder to get rid of one, i can't cook for the life in me and i have so much trouble trying to mix up with new people

what is the colour of your bedspread? teal

colour of your room: one wall is pink while rest 3 are off white

#—games. #help this is so long

[morgue-xiiv]

I actually have relevant life experience to the NHS vs. Private diagnosis of ADHD Discource. I've been through both.

The thing is, the REASON people want to be diagnosed with ADHD is rarely discussed: People say "they want the medication" and like... that's kind of missing the point. They want to function. There are a lot of things that have similar symptoms to ADHD but ADHD is different from most of them in that one respect: it's (easily) treatable.

Yes the NHS takes a bunch of time to ferret out possible alternative causes for symptoms. They find another explanation for why it's not ADHD it's trauma, or it's autism, anxiety, depression or it's whatever. And yeah that's probably correct.

Then you're dropped on your ass. If it's trauma or autism or whatever there is NO help available. If it's ADHD you can get medicine which might help. There are books and strategies on how to cope and medication helps you follow those strategies. So of course people want to get diagnosed with ADHD! That represents hope. If you can't function because of trauma or autism or whatever you are simply left to not function.*

ADHD medication helped me immensely. I cannot even begin to explain how much BETTER my life got over-night. I was suddenly drawing and writing and socialising and SLEEPING AT NIGHT and AWAKE IN THE DAY. That is good! I literally don't give a FUCK wether I have ADHD or not! What matters is can I live a remotely good life? I tried for years without ADHD medication and failed.

Oh, and by the way, this is the problem with the panorama experiment: the dude said he was functional and his "symptoms" were not impairing his life. He actually would not have been REFERRED for diagnosis on the NHS, which is why he had to be open with the clinician that it was an experiment. I imagine when he had the private assessments he glossed over the impairment questions, or outright lied. Maybe the clinicians assume anyone who pays a huge ammount of money to see them must be struggling. This would be bad practice, but is a reasonable assumption for anyone who's not an undercover journalist expensing all the fees to make a point.

* that's NOT to say these conditions are hopeless, simply that the support that would help people live with them is often not available, or available in ways that are inaccessable to people with the condition. Yes there are things I can do to help with depression but no there are no things available to help with depression which I can access while depressed. If you have any of these things your life can absolutely improve and it probably WILL. But you are, unfortunately, pretty much on your own making them happen, in my experience.