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chemicalmagecraft · 5 years

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I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya’s Butt Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry about the delay! My other fic was at a really good point, so it was all I could think about for a bit! Hopefully I'm going to be able to get a little more of both out, though!

kukukuku~

I gave her a small smile and bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Hinata-chan."

"Hello," she said. "Father said that you protected me from the man who wanted to hurt me."

I licked my lips. "I did do something like that. I probably would've just ended up captured along with you if it wasn't for Hiashi-san, though."

"Father also said that you're going to be my new brother."

I smiled slightly. "I might have agreed to something like that as well."

She smiled. "Now I have two big brothers."

I quizzically tilted my head to the side. "How so?"

"Neji-niisan was already like a big brother to me, even if he's a little mean sometimes. Now I have you too!" She smiled.

I shrugged. "Sure, I guess. So where is Neji-niisan?"

"Right behind you," a young male voice said from take a wild guess direction. "You're Kouki, huh?"

I turned around. "And you're Neji?"

He looked at me with an appraising eye. "Yes. I heard that you have some interesting jutsu."

"Oh, totally!" I told him, then waved a cat-clawed hand. "I mean, I only have three at the moment, but I'm so going to get more!"

"Show me."

I blinked. "Oh, sure. We just need something that nobody's going to mind if I break. Or cut in half. You got anything like that?"

"Ooh, can I see?" Hinata asked me.

I sighed. "I mean, I still need something I can break, but sure."

We managed to get a decent-sized log that I could cut up so long as I did it with adult supervision.

"Alright," Hizashi (Neji's dad, remember?) said to us. "Kouki, be careful. You two stay behind me."

I did some stretches as they got behind him. I then channeled the chakra into my nails. "Cat Claws Jutsu," I said, then charged at the log. I sliced it with both hands and admired the eight deep gouges that I had slashed into it. I then jumped back a bit and formed the seal. "Next, Wind Release: Mini Air Slash!" I slashed at it again. Similar scratches were put in the log, but this time from range.

"Wow!" Hinata said.

"Impressive," Hizashi agreed.

"But wait, there's more!" I said with some enthusiasm. "Wind Release: Dragon Claws Jutsu!" This time, I only used one hand to conserve chakra, but it was still impressive. The downward slash that I used ensured that not only was the log sliced completely through, but I also carved a bit into the ground. "And that's why I'm awesome," I panted as I turned around. It wasn't as bad as before because I hadn't been hemorrhaging chakra thanks to my expensive magical eyes, but I was still drained. Hizashi was nodding, Hinata was beaming with obvious admiration, and Neji gave a look that made me think that he begrudgingly admitted to himself that maybe I'm a little awesome. "Now if you'll excuse me, I really need a nap." I fell backward, making sure to fall properly to not hurt myself, and groaned.

"Are you okay?" Hinata asked.

"M'fine, jus' need a moment," I slurred out.

"I thought your reserves were high enough that you wouldn't be that exhausted," Hizashi commented.

"Why would you think that, father?" Neji asked.

"I'm not that tired, I'm just resting because I used some chakra," I said. "Those jutsu are still pretty draining, just not enough that I won't be able to fight someone my size right now. I could still beat up Neji if I wanted to. Him and Hinata at once might be pushing it, though."

"I could beat you easily," Neji scowled.

"You wanna go, Ice Cream?" I taunted.

"If Father will allow it, then I will soundly beat you."

Hizashi sighed. "Fine, just try not to dismember each other." I got up and entered a fighting stance.

"Your form isn't very good," Neji told me.

"And you're going to activate your-" Neji activated his Byakugan. "Oh, there it goes. You do realize that you're wasting chakra, right?" Neji said nothing and got into his Jūken stance. "Doesn't that hurt?" I asked. "Your veins are bulging like crazy!"

"No, shut up."

"Hajime!" Hizashi said. I rushed at Neji as he charged at me. I caught his forearm before he could hit me with his palm, then used it to push myself down and out of the way of his other strike. I repositioned myself so that I could sweep at his leg, then jumped up and punched at him while he was off-balance. He caught my arm, used it to steady himself, then began hitting my tenketsu. I didn't even bother trying to pull my arm away and instead punched him in the gut. He got the wind knocked out of him and went a few steps back.

I decided to take the opportunity to use Mini Air Slash on him. Unfortunately, my hand had gone numb, so I just did my best to make a one-handed sign and tried to use that. The slashes were a little wobbly, but it ended up not mattering too much when he just ducked under them and smacked me in the stomach. That quickly turned into a combo where I took a bunch of thankfully-not-tenketsu-closing strikes all over me. The next thing I knew, I was groaning on the ground again. "You were both good, but ultimately you left yourself open too much, Kouki," Hizashi said. "You also might want to refrain from letting yourself get hit, even if it's to exploit an opening."

I sat up and shook out my numb hand. Some feeling returned to it and I was able to slowly open and close it. I guess being young and inexperienced with Jūken means that you can only partially disable someone with tenketsu strikes... "Got it."

"You might also want to not taunt your opponent as much. All you did was make Neji angry."

"Blasphemy! I just need to taunt harder!"

"I... sure, fine. If you want, I could help you with your fighting a bit," he offered. He then looked at Neji and Hinata and said, "You two too."

"Thanks," I said, "That's probably a good idea."

kukukuku~

I looked in the mirror inside my room. I decided that I should probably give you guys a better description of my appearance, especially now that I was part of a ninja family and apparently encouraged to have my own unique style... despite the fact that ninja are supposed to blend in. My hair was getting long, almost touching my shoulders. I like my hair long, so I was just going to let it grow until I was either told to get a haircut or it got too annoying. My hair was a dark brown color, but if the light hit it just right it looked brighter and almost reddish sometimes. It curled at the ends, though I've been told that if I didn't comb it as much it'd probably be curlier. Of course, I get really bad bedhead, so that's not really an option. My bangs were combed to the left side of my face, usually just barely out of my left eye, though they sometimes did fall over my eye. As for my clothes, I wore a baggy long-sleeved shirt and pants that were basically sweatpants, both dark blue.

It was actually really similar to my favorite outfit from real life. When not indoors, I wore a pair of comfortable boots instead of the usual sandals. I gave Hiashi an excuse about being leery about wearing open-toed shoes after banging my feet on a lot of things, including more than a few rocks. It wasn't a lie. At all... The look was completed by a pair of cool sunglasses resting on top of my head. The idea was that I'd make a habit of actually putting them over my eyes whenever I'd have to "get serious," which didn't have to include activating my Shōraigan but I'd have to use them to hide my Shōraigan in battle. Plus, my eyes were sensitive enough to light without whatever enhancements are involved in the Shōraigan, so they'd be good when the sunlight's being overly harsh. Thankfully, I was somehow not blinded by reflected light when I tested them out and they didn't show any of the light coming from my eyes somehow. I think that there might have actually been seals placed on it or something... Also! I still had that little bumpy thingy on the top of my left ear! I liked that little bumpy nub thing!

"Kouki-kun!" Hiashi said from outside my room. "We're leaving soon!"

"Coming!" I called out. We were going out to eat at a sushi restaurant to celebrate my adoption and the fact that I saved Hinata's and/or Hizashi's life. Of course, before we went there, we had to make a quick stop at my insistence. I stepped in the clearing right as a tree fell down. I looked at the multiple cuts in the bark. "I see you're starting to figure it out, Naru-chan. Now never use that jutsu unless someone's trying to kill you."

Naruto ran up to me and hugged me (thankfully after deactivating the jutsu). "Kouki! I missed you, 'ttebayo!" Aaaand there was his verbal tic.

I licked my lips. "It was only a day, Naru-chan. I was literally only gone for a day." I thought about what that could mean for a second. "Please tell me nobody was bullying you again."

He released me and put his hands behind his head. "Nah, it was just boring. Why are you back so soon?"

"Well it turns out that getting adopted by a rich guy has its perks." I smirked. "Wanna get rich people food for free and probably have a respected jōnin and clan head yell at anyone who's rude to you?"

"I hope that that isn't all you think of me," Hiashi said from behind me, Hinata hiding behind him.

"Nyahahaha~!" I laughed. "Of course not! You're also free housing and jutsu lessons." He narrowed his eyes at me. "Fine. Also a wonderful father," I faux-reluctantly added. I then brought Naruto over to Hinata. "Naru-chan, this is Hina-chan. Hina-chan, Naru-chan," I introduced the two to each other. "I hope you make friends, you'll be seeing a lot of each other. Tsehehehe~!" Yes I have a second, weirder weird laugh. Shut up.

"Whaddya mean?" he asked, looking a little suspicious.

"She's my new sister and you're literally my only friend," I said. "Now why don't we go get rich people food? I'm starting to get a little hungry."

"Rich people food, 'ttebayo!" Naruto yelled with glee. I smiled.

"R-rich people food..." Hinata muttered, which made me chuckle softly.

Hiashi just sighed. "Yes, rich people food. Please behave yourselves when we get there, though." With that, we left for the restaurant.

kukukuku~

I snickered as I looked at the boy sitting on my right. Naruto had a really confused look on his face and I really couldn't blame him. Didn't mean I wasn't internally howling with laughter, though. He looked at my new father and his wife, now sitting across the table from him at the restaurant. He then looked at my new uncle and his wife, sitting next to Hiashi and... apparently her name was Hikari. By the way, for those of you who don't know what Hikari looks like due to her appearing in the Naruto literally once and only in a photo, she looks like an older Hinata but without the Byakugan. She gave Naruto a warm, kind smile, which was the only expression I'd ever seen on her face ever. Hizashi's wife, Hikaru, did the same. Hiashi and Hizashi were just barely containing their laughter, and even Neji, who I could see on my left even with Hinata between us, had a small grin. Naruto leaned over to me and whispered, "Kouki, I think your parents are ninja. They're using clones." With that, everyone but Naruto burst out into either laughter or small giggling (Neji was giggling and it was hilarious).

"We're not clones, Naruto-kun," Hikaru said. "I'm Kouki-kun's aunt." She gestured at Hikari. "My twin sister married Kouki's father. I, myself, married his twin brother."

Naruto furrowed his brow. "So you," he pointed at Hikaru," and you," he pointed at Hikari, "are twins, which is why you look so similar. And you married two people who are also twins and also identical."

"Yes, that's right, Naruto-kun," Hikaru warmly smiled at him.

"Neji-chan and Hina-chan might as well be brother and sister," I commented with a little laugh.

A waiter cleared his throat. "May I get you anything to drink?" he asked.

"A green tea for me and my wife," Hiashi and Hizashi immediately responded. They looked at each other for a second, then grinned.

"Tea for me as well," Neji told him.

"U-uh, can I have some apple juice, please," Hinata asked.

"Juice too," I said. The waiter nodded and started to leave.

"Hey, you didn't take my order, 'ttebayo!" Naruto yelled. The waiter scoffed and continued to walk away.

"Excuse me," Hiashi said as he stood up. "You forgot to get Naruto-kun's order.

"Why that riffraff is with you, I could never tell," he haughtily said. Hiashi glared at him. "Fine, fine. What do you want, boy?"

Naruto flinched a little, then said, "A-apple juice, please." I growled at the waiter, which sounded a bit deeper than I thought it would. For some reason, that made him flinch. He hurried off, apologizing.

Hizashi blinked. "Apparently your irises turn red when you get angry, Kouki-kun. That's... odd."

"Really?" I asked, then licked my lips creepily. "That is weird. Not bad, just... weird." As we were waiting for our drinks, we looked through the menu. "What am I allowed to get," I asked.

"You can get anything you want," Hiashi told me. "Though I would advise ordering less than Hinata. Same for you, Naruto-kun."

"Why less than Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked. Just then, a waitress came up to our table with our drinks.

"We're so sorry about the previous waiter," she told us. "He was... uh..." She looked at Naruto. "He was... greatly affected by the death of his wife three years ago. Still, he should never have acted that way to any guest of yours. "

"If you wish to apologize, do it to Naruto-kun," Hiashi said.

"So sorry," she told Naruto, then gave him his drink. "After your meal, we will be giving you a free dessert, on the house." She gave the rest of us our drinks. "What would you like to eat?" she asked us. It was at that point that Naruto's question was answered. Hinata ordered three dishes of sushi for herself. which was a lot. Even the adults only had one.

After we had all finished ordering our sushi, I said, "See, Naru-chan? Father stood up for you and you got free food. Did I keep my promise or what?" Naruto chuckled a little. After a little while and some small talk and chopstick-using lessons for me and Naruto (I already knew, but it'd have looked suspicious if I said that seeing as Naruto didn't), our food arrived. I will say this: Konohagakure sushi is way better than Walgreen's sushi. When in my sushi-induced rapture, I was vaguely aware of Hiashi asking me if I liked it, and then my head lazily bobbing up and down. Also, while I might have just been hallucinating in my sushi haze, I thought I saw sparkles. Unfortunately, though, all good things must come to an end. In this case, that end was that when I started chewing on one of my pieces of sushi, I felt a burning feeling and awful taste on my tongue. I gagged as I felt myself start to feel a little like puking, then swallowed the sushi. I looked down at my plate and saw that the sushi that I'd eaten was right next to the wasabi. I glared at the wasabi.

Hikari chuckled. "That's wasabi, Kouki-kun. It's fine if you don't like it." She gave Hiashi an amused look, and he rolled his eyes.

"I gag on sushi with wasabi on it one time and I never live it down," he muttered, though he sounded more amused than annoyed.

"I don't like wasabi," I confirmed. Wasabi is horrible. Truly the worst thing. "It tastes weird." I noticed that my last piece of sushi was also touching wasabi. "Does anyone here who likes wasabi wanna trade with me?" I asked. Hinata immediately placed one of her sushi on my plate and took the tainted sushi with her chopsticks. I looked over to her plates and noticed that she was somehow already done with all of her sushi. "Uhh-" I started to say.

"No, we don't know how Hinata-chan eats that much," Hiashi preempted, which made Hinata blush slightly. "All we know is that she somehow can without it being unhealthy."

I nodded. I remembered jokes in the anime about Hinata eating a LOT, so that made sense. "Okay..."

We continued to make small talk until the waitress came back. "Would any of you like dessert?" she asked. "Keep in mind that Uzumaki-san's dessert will be on the house."

Naruto looked at the dessert menu and immediately said, "Dorayaki," which was the first thing on the menu. I looked at Hiashi with my special Puppy Dog Eyes(TM).

"This is a celebration for your adoption and Hinata-chan's birthday," Hiashi told me. "Don't worry about it, you can get a dessert."

"Chocolate-strawberry crepe, please," I said.

"C-could I have the cinnamon bun?" Hinata asked. Cinnamon bun for the cinnamon bun. Got it. Hiashi nodded.

"If it is fine for me to get a dessert as well, then I would like to try the coffee jelly," Neji added stiffly. The waitress left with our orders.

Hiashi cleared his throat. "I'd like to say something. Hizashi and Neji-kun, I want to apologize to you two for the fact that the two of you have been given the Caged Bird Seal."

"But it was tradition," Hizashi said, "and we were children when I was given my seal."

"I was still the cause of you getting your seal. And as for Neji-kun, I allowed it. It has come to my attention recently that the Caged Bird Seal is an imperfect means of protecting our bloodline and causes more grief than it does peace. Because of that, I, as the head of the Hyūga clan, would like to apologize to the two of you." He bowed his head. "I shall do my best to... make things better for the branch house in the future."

"Thank you, for that," Hizashi said. "I apologize for the attitude that I used to have towards you."

Hiashi shook his head. "It was perfectly understandable, there is no reason to apologize."

Naruto leaned over to me again. "So do you know what's going on here? Because I'm totally lost, 'ttebayo."

"Don't worry about it," I told him. "It's a Hyūga thing."

"Your desserts are here," the waitress said as she arrived with... well... I really shouldn't have to say. She handed us our desserts. I inspected mine. A crepe with whipped cream, chocolate, and strawberries in it. It certainly looked and smelled delicious. I took a bite.

(⊙_⊙) (❀‿❀) (◐ o ◑ ) (ღ˘◡˘ღ)ヽ(^◇^*)/ (ʃƪ˘ڡ˘)

"That... was beautiful," I said, on the verge of tears. I blinked, and my eyes felt really irritated. "Was I... crying?"

"How were you sparkling like that?" Neji asked, bewildered.

I thought about that for a second, then shrugged and made that "I don't know" noise. I took another bite of my crepe. It was freaking amazing. "This is probably the most delicious thing I've ever had." I really like sweet food.

"Mine's pretty good too," Hinata muttered.

"I'm glad you like it," Hikari said. "It's certainly nice to see you happy, considering where you were. How is yours, Naruto-chan?"

"It's great, 'ttebayo!" he exclaimed. "I haven't had dessert before, and this stuff is so good!"

I smiled slightly. "It's good to see you having fun, Naru-chan," I said.

kukukuku~

I stared at the grey-haired boy before me. "Hatake Kakashi," I said.

"That's me, kid," he confirmed. "I owe your father one, so he told me to teach you some ninjutsu. He told me what you can do already, so don't worry about that."

I nodded. "What first?"

"Seeing as you can already do the tree-climbing and water-walking jutsu, I feel like I should teach you the academy three, then see where we go from there. The academy three are three jutsu taught in the academy, as you might be able to guess. First, the clone jutsu. It lets you create a construct made of your chakra that looks and acts exactly like you. While it can't use jutsu and is destroyed the moment it touches something, it's a lot more useful than people give it credit, given the fact that it can be used as a distraction. These are the hand seals needed to use it." He demonstrated. "And then you push out some chakra to create the clone." There was a small pop and a second Kakashi appeared next to him. "It should just come out naturally when you use the seals, but you need to get the amount down right or the clone will look off. Now you try."

I licked my lips and shakily made the seals, sticking my tongue out slightly in concentration. I actually found it a little awkward to switch between the complex hand positions, but I was able to do it. I used what felt like an appropriate amount of chakra, but my clone ended up looking a little sick once the smoke cleared. Kakashi did that weird thing where you can tell he's smiling even though his mouth is covered. "That's actually really good for a first-timer. Your hand seals need some work, but that's nothing to be too worried about. Now, let's move on to the next jutsu."

kukukuku~

It was the evening, after Kakashi finished teaching me the academy three and making sure I could use them decently. "The thing that he needs to work on the most is his hand seals," Kakashi told Hiashi. "His chakra reserves are very good for someone of his age and he has decent control. He might be ready to begin proper elemental training sometime within the next year if he gets his reserves up a bit more."

"Good. Thank you for this, Kakashi-san," Hiashi said.

"Don't mention it. Now, is there anything else I should teach him?"

"If you could see about get him started on genjutsu, too, that would be good."

I focused on something else, and my vision shifted. I saw the Council of the Five Kage, Danzō's death, Naruto's talk with Kushina, Naruto taking the Kyuubi's chakra, and parts of the Fourth Shinobi War, fading out around when Naruto fought Nagato with Itachi. "So that's everything that writer!Me has seen since I got here," I muttered. I deactivated my eyes and then opened them, taking in the sight of my empty room once more. There wasn't much there yet, just the mirror that I'd used earlier, a bookshelf, a dresser, and my bed. There were enough windows that it was well-ventilated, which was very good for my (admittedly very minor) indoor allergy. The bed, which I was sitting on at the moment, was really comfortable, which was nice. The sheets and pillows were also really soft, which is why I was currently rubbing my face in them. There was an equally soft plush cat sitting right next to me, which I had only had to accidentally look at Hikari with Puppy Dog Eyes(TM) for about a second after seeing it in the shop before she caved and bought it for me. I chuckled, then sat up.

"It's kind of funny how I've already gotten rid of one of Kabuto's minions without even meaning to or knowing about, isn't it Fluffy-san?" Yes, I named the cat Fluffy-san. He was fluffy. Though he actually reminded me of Kyubey (from Madoka Magica, not Naru-chan's stomach). "Heck, I might have gotten rid of two, if that one guy was also one of the Edo Tensei zombies. Maybe I should start doing something about the rest... What do you think, Fluffy-san?" I grabbed Fluffy-san's head and made it bob up and down while saying, "EAT THEIR SOULS!" so that it sounded like Fluffy-san said it. For some reason, my voice sounded really demonic when I did that, even to me. "That's what you always say," I told him.

"Edo Tensei needs their souls, nya," Fluffy-san "said."

"True, but how am I going to eat their souls? I'm pretty sure those things give me indigestion."

"That sounds like a 'you' problem, nya."

I frowned at him. "You're kind of a jerk, Fluffy-san."

"That also sounds like a 'you' problem, nya."

I was actually really having fun with this. I fake-pouted. "Fiiiiine, I guess I'll just write down all the stuff I know and show it to Sarutobi..." I was about to get up to get the journal on my dresser that Hiashi had gotten me for my secret advisor duties, then stopped. "I've been meaning to do this... Hopefully I'm right about it." I placed my two index fingers together, then flowed a small amount of chakra through them. I bonded the two streams together, then pulled my fingers apart, making the chakra thin out until it was a barely-visible thread of chakra. I examined how it felt, then let it go. If tiny Sasori could do it, then I was confident tiny me could. I made a few attempts at it that didn't work quite right before finally recreating it without the weird pull-apart thing. I licked my lips. "Sweet." I tested out my new puppetry powers on Fluffy-san. It took me a few tries to stick it in him, but I got it eventually and it felt great.

"Didn't someone else do that first, nya?" I had him ask me.

"Yeah, but it's a power with so many uses and Suna just uses it for puppets. Puppets and literally nothing else. It's such a waste of a cool power and there are only two times that I know of that someone did something else with it that wasn't puppetry, and one of them used it to enhance her puppet-fighting! Now stop guilting me."

"You do realize that I'm literally just a puppet, right, nya?"

I gasped. "Oh no! I'm succumbing to Sunagakure Puppet Syndrome! I must use my new jutsu for something other than playing with killer dolls!" I shot chakra threads at the book, then reeled it in. "Yoink!" I said as I grabbed it.

"Why are you like this?" Neji asked me.

"NYAH!" I jumped so hard I almost fell off my bed. "Neji! How long have you been here?"

He rolled his eyes. "When you started trying to pick up your toy."

"My name is Fluffy-san, nya."

"What?"

"His name is Fluffy-san," I said as if he was the weird one. "Nya."

He gave me a bewildered look, before sighing and giving up. "You know what, nevermind. Hiashi-sama wanted me to check up on you."

I gave him a thumbs-up. "I'm fine, how about you?"

"I'm doing well. Thank you for asking. I'm going to go to bed now. Good night."

"Good night!"

kukukuku~

A/N: Shout out to Vapors by electrasev5n. I liked it. Someone finally used chakra threads for something aside from puppets. Seriously, why didn't any ninja do anything like some sort of Wind Release cutting wire jutsu? That would be so cool! Also Vapors was funny and made me laugh at several moments (Kakashi is a pretty pretty princess).

Right, so hopefully I'm doing a good job with this. I don't know if it's the best job, but it's at least good, right? Remember that, as always, I am very open to constructive criticism, so please criticize me constructively. Please.

#I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya's Butt #fanfiction #IWTKJB CH3 #Naruto #Naruto Shippuden spoilers

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