twinukachan

[twinukachan]

I don't know whats happening here

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

Wait... whaaa?

[twinukachan]

US SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE IS CHANGING ITS NUMBER

Taking effect July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will change from 800-273-8255 to the three digit code of 988. Especially with families and communities reeling from back to back tragedies, it is super important to share this information!

Repeat: Starting July 2022, the US Suicide Prevention Hotline will be 988

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

WHAT THOSE WHO IGNORE OR DEGRADE THE SAFEWORD TELL ME...

May 23, 2022

Very few concepts from the lifestyle have penetrated the vanilla world like the safeword has. Though I didn't really find the lifestyle until I was in my 40s, I have known about the concept of a safeword my entire life.

You can't argue your way around the idea of a single word, taken out of context, as a way to quickly stop the action during a scene. People do try. They buck the idea, and decide to use common vernacular like "yes" and "no" to communicate consent instead, but common vernacular can be confused and overlooked during a heated scene. They choose instead to use regular discussion and discourse, and leave matters of consent up to interpretation from their partner, and choose subjective rather than objective triggers to guard their consent. They choose to go without, because, "ours is an extraordinary superhuman dynamic, incapable of miscommunication, and no safety button is required." I've heard all the reasons why a simple one word safety measure to safeguard a partner's consent wasn't adopted by couples, and they have all been wrong.

You tell me certain things about yourself when you degrade the sanctity of safewords in your relationships, and in your writing.

To start with, I know you've spent time and energy on the idea of NOT incorporating a safety measure into your D/s play. You've examined a simple one word panic button, and somehow rationalized that you'd be better off without it, or that the safety it offers within your dynamic is somehow superfluous to you.

It makes me form opinions about people's intelligence. How do you argue against the safeword as the perfect simple communication to guard consent? It gets adapted to sounds or signals, but the concept remains the same: One short word/sound/action taken out of context. I challenge you to make it better.

I also feel like while the rest of us are trying to have nuanced conversations about modern automobile safety, that if you're still debating the validity of seatbelts as a safety measure, that you are trying to set yourself apart and go your own way. "What's that? Well known and established science that can keep me and my partner safe that 99.9% of participants accept and incorporate into their dynamics? My path lies elsewhere...."

I question your level of experience. Can this person possibly understand the levels of scarring and trauma that breaking someone's consent can cause, if they have chosen to part with safewords in some way? Have they spoken with subs who have trust issues, or PTSD from consent issues they have had within their prior relationships?

How can I believe you care about your partner the way that I do? If safeguarding their consent is not THE priority, and you have worked to keep a safeword away from them? You put effort into making the expression of their line of consent less sure - less cut and dry. Why would you do that?

Finally, so many times any degredation or lack of the safeword becomes a red flag for people who have dysfunctional egos, narcissitic personalities, and misogynistic mindsets. Often the idea that a dom "does it better than anyone else", or that a partnership is somehow so extraordinary that it doesn't need a safeword, is the core argument of people who degrade and dismiss safewords.

Your lack of safeword or other adaptation away from it's simple use within your D/s experiences expresses volumes to me, and everyone else who understands and respects safety and consent.

Tolerate no hedging of full and complete support of safewords within D/s relationships. No dynamic without one is as safe.

[twinukachan]

“Dominants can and will say no. Dominants have hard and soft limits. Dominants can safeword. Dominants aren’t perpetually horny. Dominants may be firm, gentle, or a combination. Dominants make mistakes. Dominants will have struggles. Dominants need attention. Dominants have emotions.”

— Edward Volkl

[twinukachan]

I don't normally do this, but please read this and share it.

Here is a reddit post @her-master made where he details how he made a submissive write a suicide note for his protection in case he killed her. Yes, you read that right.

While it reads like badly written erotica from the submissive's point of view, he says it's true in the post, and in a since deleted comment:

I say since deleted because he deleted his entire reddit account once he realized I was reading it.

@her-master confirms this is his reddit account here: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/her-master/681999075480158208

This is doubly disturbing when you count the fact he has a propensity for not wanting safe words. He links his normal d/s contract here:

You can read the contract here. I imagine he'll delete it, I've downloaded it in case he does.

I bring your attention to section 3.2.2.4:

Well, now we know why @her-master doesn't want to have to use safe words. Because he doesn't want to be safe. He wants to abuse women.

Please spread this. You might save someone's life.

[twinukachan]

[twinukachan]

Not Fooled

I adore Tumblr. It’s a way to connect effortlessly with people who share a part of my life so few know about. I’ve been able to learn and explore things that would otherwise have been difficult to come across. But Tumblr has done it’s fair share of harm too. It’s easy to get lost in the glamorous images and sexy stories posted, and before long the grass looks a whole lot greener on the neighbor’s side of the fence.

It’s a constant effort to remind myself that these are snapshots of people’s lives, not complete images. And they’re photo-shopped, carefully chosen, edited ones at that. I have to be vigilant to be sure I’m not fooled into believing everything I see. I need to constantly remind myself that what I see isn’t necessarily a reflection of what exists.

Not every woman practicing BDSM is a size 0.

D/s couples disagree. Sometimes they fight.

The people in those pictures suffer from depression, PTSD, and anxiety.

Not every sub is female, and not every Dom is male.

Sometimes shit happens. (Quite literally, if you enjoy anal play.) Sometimes a position hurts, heads bang together, legs give out, or you end up roaring with laughter and not release.

Bondage doesn’t just happen. There’s preparation, and safety precautions, and chaffing. Those don’t show in pictures.

Not every sub can deepthroat a 9 inch cock.

For that matter not every man has a 9 inch cock. (Shocking, I know.)

People have bad days. Doms cry. Subs forget and act out.

Whether or not you enjoy anal, or humiliation, or bruising isn’t what defines you…on either side of the slash.

There’s nothing wrong with being a Top, or a bottom, and not wanting that dynamic to leave the bedroom.

And, on that note, Dominance and submission are not about kinky sex. You can fuck in the dark in the missionary position, or not at all for that matter, and still be in a power exchange relationship.

So I try to step back. I look at the photo of the woman, with the perfect hair and flat stomach, kneeling before a man with a pristine suit and a three thousand dollar watch on his wrist, and try to remind myself that the reality is better. The messy tearful days, the laughter over a queef at the wrong moment, the note left behind on a busy morning, and the run in a stocking on a soft chubby thigh… those things are perfect too.

[twinukachan]

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.

That's why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.