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Vanessa, mentally: Wait is she into me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs.
Vanessa, aloud: Did you hear about the skeleton who couldn’t go to the party?
Vanessa: He had no body to go with.
Charity, laughs: That’s really funny
Vanessa: ...
Vanessa, mentally: Well, that’s not a fair test. That joke is hilarious.
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Vanessa: You took advice from Paddy?!
Charity: It’s called hitting rock bottom, babe.
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Chas: Who told you that?
Charity: I literally know everything. No one has to tell me.
Chas:
Vanessa: Paddy.
Chas: PADDY!
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Charity, missing Vanessa: Sigh.
Chas: Okay, just stop. You're not even sighing. You're just saying the word "sigh".
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Charity, mentally: Everything's going to be fine. It's just a crush. I’ll just get back to focusing on the pub and I’ll get over her really fast.
Vanessa: Hi Charity!
Charity, mentally: I love you.
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Vanessa: What's your worst nightmare?
Charity: You leaving me and then dying.
Vanessa: I would never leave you-
Charity: And you dating Rhona when you get to hell.
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Vanessa: You ever been tied to a bed?
Tracy: Only by my depression.
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Charity, to Vanessa while trying to teach herself to cook: I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
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Chas: You’re meddling with forces you don’t understand!
Charity: No duh? Why would I meddle with forces I do understand? I already know everything they know.
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Vanessa: Do you three ever get tired tearing other people down?
Charity: No.
Chas: Not really.
Tracy: Nope.
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Chas: You have to kiss the cutest person in this room
Vanessa: Rhona?
Rhona, blushing: Yes?
Vanessa: Move over, I have to get to Charity.
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Charity: Well you only live once!
Chas: That can’t be the answer for every horrible thing you do.
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Vanessa: Sometimes I let the cat drink the bath water when I’m still in it.
Priest: Once again, a little weird, but technically not a sin.
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Vanessa: Why are you smiling at me like that?
Charity: Oh. I was smiling?
Chas: [groans disgustedly]
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Rhona: Hey Charity! How're you?
Charity: Moving from one crisis to another as elegantly as I can.
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Charity: So I found a fool proof method of determining if someone is truly evil.
Chas: And that is?
Charity: If they dislike Vanessa, they’re evil.
Chas, nodding in agreement: Yeah okay, that’s pretty solid logic.
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Vanessa: *is tiny*
Vanessa : (ง •̀_•́)ง
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