wordshealtheheart

[wordshealtheheart]

My dad was the first man who taught me

My body is not my own

My voice is not mine to speak

My heart is not mine to hold

I used to wear it on my sleeve

Give it away to anyone I’d meet

Reached out my hand hoping

To see the tips of the fingers

Soon to be wrapped around my throat

Take my skin into your arms

Extract it from my bones

Pull the organs from the beneath the muscle

I wasn’t strong enough to fight you off

Anyways

My dad was the first man who taught me

The thrill of the chase

His euphoria rising

As the blood pumps faster

Did you feel the rush

When I was bleeding on our sheets?

When you left me sitting there

Barely any skin left to hold me

From spilling out

And you got another drink

World too fuzzy to think

At least that’s what you said

When it was all over

At least that’s what you said

When you were sober

I tried to run, I tried it hide

But I almost forgot

Whose body holds my insides

And when my mouth opens

Your breath on my lips

Soaked in Sauvignon blanc

Another time the gasp didn’t escape my throat

You forgot you said

I wrote our safe word on the wall

Please be gentle

Can you hear me over the alcohol

My dad was the first man who taught me

It was my mistake

The blood spilled is on my hands

Heart drowned in the bottle

Reach for what’s left of the muscle

Glue it to bone

A loose figment of my soul

I almost forgot

The solace in the shadows

Maybe you’ll forget to lock the bird

In it’s cage before you sleep

Snore through consent

I hope it takes the chance to fly

When your eyes are closed

It’s only hope to sing its song

Again

Ill pack my bags

Spray myself in pesticides to disinfect

My dad was the first man I had to escape

And practice makes perfect

#poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #slam poetry

[wordshealtheheart]

I want to dance with you again

Pull my body closer

Until space dissipates

And the lights become stars

Let them turn my thoughts to gas

If I breathe you in

My heart will still

And my bruised ribs can heal

From the pounding

That’s forgotten how to rest

Since I met you

I want to dance with you again

Hold your curves a little firmer

Grip my hands a little tighter

Dig my nails

Into palms made bloody

Trying to touch the stars

Leave your taste in my mouth

Suffocate me under you

Tie my hands behind my back

With complexion painted so holy

I wouldn’t want to escape you anyways

Please don’t turn off the music

I fear for fire extinguished

And a mere curtsy to blood once shed

Can’t bare the sound

Of dust breathed so loud

I want to dance with you again

Allow me to worship you

And I’ll say another prayer

And promise to never stop

Or ever get sober

#poetry #poem #poetsandwriters #poets on tumblr #original poem #addiction #addiction recovery #coping mechanism

[wordshealtheheart]

Chapters Pt II

How do you seem

To haunt the epilogue

This plot should have been resolved

In the final chapter

With our final phone call

And that last goodbye

But there are still ghosts of you

Standing in my hallway

Still knocking the pictures off the walls

My mouth is still bloody

From the last time I kissed you

It’s been a year

And I still lick my lips

Trying to taste you

But ghosts moan louder

In bitter winter

Yet I cannot stop myself

From reaching for them

The sweetness of chapter one

Will not wash these months away

So let me please

Make covers meet

And writers end

May you stay in my memory

Where we may never meet again

#poem #poetry #poem trumblr #original poem #original poetry #poetry on tumblr #writers corner #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled ink

[wordshealtheheart]

I have never found a place 

For safety in love

I’ll hand over the gun

Knowing you’ll put it in my mouth

Maybe I get off on the thrill

Or the fact that maybe 

I’ll feel the burn in the back of my throat

Leave more fingerprints on my skin

Claim my bones

And squeeze them tighter in your fists

So I cannot sneak out of my skeleton 

But don’t worry

I’ll still love you covered in bruises

Or nails printed onto my throat

It will be seven years 

Before they disappear anyways 

#poetry #poem #Poems #spilled thoughts #spilled poetry #original poem #original poetry #spilled ink #spilled heart

[wordshealtheheart]

How do you stare at the clouds

And don’t wish be engulfed by them

Maybe they will hold me like you did

But all I did was fill the space she left

You’d watch her wander across the sky

I’ll never look like the sun

But baby you were an Icarus

And I poured rain on your wounds

But it stung on your skin

You were never ready to let me in

I reached my arms out wide for you

Ripped open my chest

Washed away the tar that coated my lungs

But it was never me you wanted to see

#poem #poetry #original poem #original poetry #spoken word #writing tumblr #spilled poetry #spilled ink

[wordshealtheheart]

The screams

I keep them in my chest

When I hold my breath

Try to swallow them down

With another bong rip

Blood boils and my pulse

Grows restless then ambitious

As it beats against my skin

You look so small there

Sitting in front of me

How does it feel to not know

I’ll be silent still

Pretend I’m shivering

Say it’s the windchill

Or because we can’t afford heat

I want to cut my lungs out

Every time my memory

Gets the best of me

My throat has become sore

Raw and red

It’s become too big to swallow

Everything I never said

#poem #poetry #original poetry #poets corner #original poem #high writing

[wordshealtheheart]

Demand to hear heaven speak

before you believe in God

Assume there is nothingness

And no one can save you

Or wants to

Even you will relinquish to the disappointment

You do not have what it takes

To save yourself

The sun is setting

And the crickets are chirping

They warn you that it will be a while

Before you see the sun

Engulf yourself in the sound

Leave your body to be closer to them

Let there be an end

Turn yourself in

To the angel that fell from the sky

And maybe he’ll tell you

How misery can make the best company

Because it will never leave

And you can never disappoint

What exists within your failures

Succumb to flames

Let your failures consume you

As you cannot be all of the good things

Without being the worst of them

#poetry #poem #my poem #my poetry #spilled writing #writing

[wordshealtheheart]

What Goes Up Must Come Down

I am in love

with loving people

who cannot love me back

say your woes

for the ones who try

the poor souls

are damned

watch them go up in flames

as the sun gets too close

my edges are pretty

lust for the light on my curves

peal back my skin for a peak

see the ribs and smoke and gasoline

they fill my chest

allow my heart to hide

but let the air inside

and you’re bound to watch me explode

careful not to be caught in the crossfire

or your skin will char

and you will harden into stone

and your heart will melt to ash

say your woes

for the ones that try

for I will engulf them

love cannot put out the smoke

you are bound to be lost with the others

I will say a prayer

at your descent

honor you for begging

to touch the unreachable

digging the trenches

to hunt down another loch ness monster

will not guarantee it exists

you cannot be sure

there is still a muscle left working

beneath the layers of tar

and the shame feathers

you are better off

treading only a little too close

staying on the edges

you will be safer this way

do not attempt to open my chest

please baby

let me protect you

it is the only apology

I can afford anymore

#poem #poetry #love #spilled ink #spilled writing #spilled poetry #my poem #original poem #original poetry

[wordshealtheheart]

Last Thursday

Last Thursday

I pulled down the steps

To the attic

Of my childhood home

The dust danced around me

As I walked slowly

Up the creaking wooden panels

The light brushed the walls gently

From the single window

Hidden almost completely

By cardboard boxes

I moved towards them

To open the nearest box

Unveiling a clutter of kick knacks

And old toys and love letters and

things-so-broken-I could-not-tell-you-why-I-hold-on-to-them

But I cannot bring myself to pick up

The pieces of my past

And throw them away

I do pick up a letter

The pencil smugged

Across the paper

I begin to read your apologies

The same sorrys you cried

To me over the phone

The same promises you swore

After you claimed my body

As your own

The fan sitting on the window ledge

Rustles a plastic bag

In the corner

I know I cannot hold on

To the broken in my past

Anymore

I take the broken things,

Stuff the apology “love” letters

Along with them

The memories

That make getting out of bed

Feel harder than tackling Everest

Must officially be put to rest

So I

Maybe

Can get some peace

In the backyard

The sun

Finally able

To touch my skin

And me

Finally able

To endulge in it’s warmth

I dig the grave

For the ghosts

That haunt me

The birds chirp

And the wind hugs me

And there is

For once

Peace

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[wordshealtheheart]

Titanic

When someone has been in your life for a very long time,

you start to forget what life is like without them.

When your abuser has been in your life for a very long time,

you start to forget what life is like without them.

You can no longer imagine a day that they aren't in

That they don't control

If not your body, if not your words

Your thoughts still surrender to them

A penny for your

...prayers

You beg them to save you

To rescue you from this sinking ship

But the door isn't big enough to fit the both of you

And you are Jack

Hold tight as the waves crash into you

Swallow you

And your abuser will plead for you to keep your grip

Just a little longer

They promise the storm will pass

They promise to hold you when it's all over

They promise that next time, you can be Rose

But for now, Jack, please don't let go

Only one of us gets out of this alive

But prolonged suffocation is not living

Feeling the ocean crash into your chest is not living

It's animistic grasp as the waves

Hack into your ribs

Until your heart is left exposed

Beg Rose to take it

You cannot save yourself anymore

But you believe that maybe, if you give everything

There might be space left on that door

Cling to it

Until your knuckles turn white

Until your fingers start to cramp

Until the wood begins to sliver its way into your skin

Letting go would be easier

A fantasy

To find peace

It is too late for that now

All you can remember is the ocean

All you can remember is drowning

And you've grown to appreciate it

Now you can predict how the waves will crash

Or how the current will pull you

No more surprises in this game

The only peace you'll ever receive

What will you remember when this kills me

When eventually my head goes under

And I don't come back from this

At my funeral

Will you apologize to my family

For breaking my rips

And cutting open my chest

Because you needed to see all of me

Will you say you begged me to hold on

Will you swear that you tried to pull me out of the ocean

That you made room on that door

#poem #poetry #love #love poem #spilled ink #memories #depression #spilled heart #heartbreak #drowning #my poem #original poem #my poetry #original poetry #poets corner #poem tumblr #quote tumblr #quote

[wordshealtheheart]

How to Make Your Very Own Trauma Stew

Step 1: go to your ex’s house where he makes you drink tequila until you are unconscious

Step 2: take a large pot of water and put it on the stove to boil on medium/high heat

Step 3: call your best friend, beg her to come save you when you no longer feel safe and swallow your fear when she refuses

Step 4: add salt to the water to make it boil faster

Step 5: wake up in your own bed, naked, and panic when you realize you do not know how you got there

Step 6: dig out the pit from your stomach, rise in cold water for shock, and add the the pot

Step 7: immediately after, add the Insults your best friend says to you because she is annoyed that you called her in the middle of the night

Step 8: while stirring, slowly poor in the weight in your chest that constricts your lungs when you try to piece your memory together

Step 9: Call everyone you contacted in the last 24 hours and plead for anything you told them

Step 10: turn the heat on high, let the tears fall down your cheeks when someone you no longer know tells you that you were raped

Step 11: allow the water to boil over, do not turn down the stove as it pours onto the counter and trickles onto the floor

Step 12: after about 10-12 minutes or until l the water from the pot is either on the flour or evaporated, allow yourself to suffocate in smoke and emptiness and the sound of the smoke alarm

Step 13: compensate for the emptiness with smoke by lightning your lungs on fire

Step 14: let the piercing beeping drown your thoughts

Step 15: drown your thoughts

Step 16: drink to drown your thoughts

Step 17: give your body to strangers so their moans can drown your thoughts

Step 18: when the smoke has filled your whole apartment, open the blinds, crack a window

Step 19: allow the sunlight to touch your skin

Step 20: let yourself breathe again

Step 21: go to therapy and let another stranger tell you how strong you are

Step 22: go home, boil a pot of water with salt, add your favorite noodles, broth, and vegetables

Step 23: tell yourself how strong you are

Step 24: get a bowl, fill it up, sit on your balcony as the sun sets and finally let your body be full of fresh air and a good meal

[wordshealtheheart]

Profound Emptiness

There’s pit in my stomach

From missing you

A hole so big

I couldn’t fill it with enough smoke

To feel full

I think I need you

Or I’ll forget how to exhale

Forever I’ll hold my breath

And if I don’t release the smoke

I can fool myself into thinking

I’m full

Because when you’re not here

I feel like I’m missing a piece of myself

And every time the sky gets black

When the sun goes down

I swear if I ever got it back

I could never let it go

#poem #poetry #teen poetry #spilled ink #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled writing #spilled heart #original poetry #poets corner #poems on tumblr #poem tumblr #tumblr poets #origional poem #high writing

[wordshealtheheart]

Tidal Waves

When I can’t hear your voice

I start to feel the weight of the waves

As they crash into my chest

When I do not get to see you

When we have deemed

The turbulence of our euphoria

Too dangerous

The waves grow taller

The water stands above my head

And in an instant

My breath is knocked out of my chest

The water pulls me under

And I am fighting

For a single breath

I’ll beg the waves to let me go

Just long enough

To release the pressure

Constricting my lungs

Without you

I am completely aware

That I am running out of time

One day, perhaps,

I won’t love you anymore

But for now

You are the moon

That controls the tides

And you have the final say

If I drown today

#poem #poetry #love #love poem #spilled ink #spilled poetry #spilled words #my poem #original poem #my poetry #poem tumblr #poems on tumblr #poetry on tumblr #original poetry

[wordshealtheheart]

Collecting Dust

I didn’t know I was lost

Until I started to find myself

Until I hit the breaks

And sang louder than the radio

Pulled the car over

And picked the flowers

To hold them up to my face

Breathing in the dust

Hiding between the petals

I am older now

The creases in my skin

Have started to become prominent

The dust likes to settle there

Reminding me

That the minute hand

Ticks faster now

The dust may settle

But my body remains

Plagued with the reminder

That with every second

My bones grow weaker

And the ticks get louder

But as I stop

And smell the roses

I can remember once again

How to use those deep breaths

To feel myself living

And I remember

Like the roses

I am allowed to grow

And I will

Still be beautiful

Even when I too

Turn to dust

#poem #poetry #spilled ink #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #original poetry #my poem #original poem #my poetry #poets corner #hightimes #high poetry #writing while high

[wordshealtheheart]

standstill

another rainy day

leaving lipstick on the edge

of a sweating coffee mug

your clothes smell like

your day has been full of living

when you can feel your bones

growing brittle underneath your skin

another moment that passes you by

knocks you off your feet

stirring up the dust

that has begun collecting in your stomach

because everything that once florished

has now withered away

as you collect days

stuck at this pace

#poem #poetry #spilled ink #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #my poem #original poem #my poetry #poets on tumblr #poets corner #original poetry #poems on tumblr #depression #anxiety

[wordshealtheheart]

Hallow

Breaths have been hard to take

For a while now

One is simply not enough

My body begs for the air

To fill all of it’s empty spaces

Since you claimed my body

As your own

Everything inside has been empty

So the hyperventilation

Comes more often now

And my skin feels more and more

Like someone else’s clothes

The shell to this hallow echo chamber

Feels foreign

The words that echo around inside me

Feel foreign

I talk about loving myself

In the arms of my rapist

Because he’d tell me

He would love me enough

For the both of us

His words echo

In my bones

They become gospel

Because if I do not have faith

If I do not believe

The lies he kisses me with

My hallow body

Begins to cave in

And my sunk-in stomach

Branching into scrawny limbs

Can not defend me

From the next time

The arms that hold me

Decide to consume my body

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[wordshealtheheart]

Heavy Breathing

Fill my day

With running from place to place

Keep my mind

From racing

If I live fast paced

I’ll out run the thoughts

That keep me benched

When there’s no time

To catch my breath

I won’t realize

I lost it

This is a competition

There can only be one winner

Me or the anxiety

And the second I start to slow

The fog begins to creep in

And my thoughts get hazy again

#poem #poetry #teen poetry #spilled ink #anxiety #poets corner #original poetry #original poem #poetry on tumblr #spilled poetry #tumblr poets #my poetry #poets on tumblr #poem tumblr #poems on tumblr #quote tumblr #spilled words #spilled thoughts #memories #quote