yourelovelybutlost

[yourelovelybutlost]

oh fuck this is a really good hill i gotta die on this

[yourelovelybutlost]

When you lay me down

To rest

And all of my chemistry

Turns back into electricity

Will I beat your heart in your chest

And ensure you’re alive another day…

One can only hope—

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #feelings #thoughts #love poem #universe #dark

[yourelovelybutlost]

It was in that moment

That I realized

the feelings I had for you:

The starry eyed wonder

And love that went on seemingly

For the entirety of forever,

Did exist in my entirety of forever.

In some ways it would have

existed without you,

Maybe differently,

But

Love is energy

That cannot be created or destroyed,

Only change its form.

So upon hearing the song that gave me nostalgia

And realizing that all my children will die one day,

I felt the same pang of love that I had known

Since I was a child:

Scared of the dark

And clinging to the first person who

Loved me unconditionally,

Not yet understanding

How it would all turn out,

But peering up between my fingers

And seeing her face;

The face that I was formed of

The face that carried me when I was

Nothing

Defenseless and lacking

In senses..

She created me that day,

And I get to feel all of these things…

They feel so real.

I wonder how that can be the case

When everything is so fleeting

When every life has a countdown

And uncertain end,

Where will it all go—

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #feelings #thoughts #love poem #universe #dark

[yourelovelybutlost]

Loneliness encased

Every existential crisis I ever had

How could loneliness be so beautiful and so painful at the same time

How can isolation breed such creativity in my mind

But yield so much suffering of my being

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #feelings #thoughts #love poem #universe

[yourelovelybutlost]

Thought I knew better,

But I lost control.

I was holding onto you,

Til I learned to let go.

Letting go is hard,

The spiral is

long and far,

Right person, wrong time

I was in a dream

And you were mine.

I hate that dream,

But it’s a fine line.

Hate and love

Are both too strong

I hate the way

I struggle with

The weight of it all,

I remember the feelings

But they feel so wrong.

So if I could, I would

go back again,

Even though love felt like

My own death sentence

I’m always going back…

You live there in my past,

And I know we’d never last.

So is this the end?

I’m 100lbs again

Feel the skin over my ribs,

Well where the hell’s

my medicine?

…I guess you were it

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #love poem #medicine #dark #dark aesthetic #feelings #thoughts #poems about life

[yourelovelybutlost]

I kneeled at life’s side

And I said

Show me

How the uncertainty and insecurity

Could be so beautiful

That it had to be woven into the

Fabric of everything

And I waited while

God looked out at the stars

And the trees

And he told me

It keeps the mystery alive

And would there really be life

Without mystery…

And furthermore

Would there really be life

without misery—

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #mystery #poems about life

[yourelovelybutlost]

I keep to myself

I keep to myself

And I speak to god

Whoever that may be today.

It feels like he or she changes

With me.

And I just keep asking questions,

Usually the same ones.

But the answers come with

Consequences.

When the universe reveals

That she knows me,

She hurts me

As a signal

Why does she hurt me?

I look around and notice,

How she gives you everything

You ever wanted…

What was it about me?

Did I scare her?

Did I move the wrong way?

Did I say something heinous

And not apologize?

I always find a way to blame myself,

even though wisdom says it’s not my fault

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #sad poems #universe

[yourelovelybutlost]

I didn’t realize how much of me needed to die for me to live a life without you—

—Astra

[yourelovelybutlost]

And that night,

I grieved the things

I had to say goodbye to,

In order to live a life

Resembling anything

Close to happiness.

I grieved you being gone

Entirely from me,

And of course this felt

Bittersweet…

I carried my grief like a contradiction,

Knowing it would disappear beneath

Laughter and kisses,

But still leave just the last bit of longing

That I could’ve kept it—

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #soulmates #soul ties #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #love poem #grief

[yourelovelybutlost]

I was always imagining a love,

A love,

it felt like it was just beyond my grasp,

never in this layer of the universe.

Lord knows this one was filled with pain,

Filled to the brim,

So full there was no room for much else…

Except the knowing

Of who she was to you…

she always was everything that I will never be…

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #feelings #thoughts #quotes #heartbreak

[yourelovelybutlost]

Heart break is like gripping onto

the car seat,

back to being terrified of everything,

Even the harmless things—

All of the pain

You thought you forgot

Comes so much closer

Than you ever remembered it being—

You can’t tell if it happened yesterday

Or three years prior.

you are,

Once again,

waking up as a child

in the middle of the night

with nightmares,

calling your mom—

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #heartbreak #music #feelings #thoughts #quotes

[yourelovelybutlost]

I begged them to call you,

My manic wish.

Nothing else felt as real as the thought

Of you existing.

They told me there wasn’t a chance

I would see you—

those words were a stab wound…

white walls surrounded me

In the emergency room:

It’s a broken heart,

they said,

everyone goes through it sometimes.

This hardly registers;

The pain has consumed me,

Convinced me…

That I am the only one

Who suffers tonight—

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #music #love #heartbreak

[yourelovelybutlost]

Roses and cigarettes:

My feet up on the dashboard;

You take care of me,

But not exactly.

I just do most of it myself

Though somehow,

With you by my side,

It feels a little easier.

I don’t want to be soft

Anymore;

Feelings are messy,

But I guess you think

it’s okay If I cry.

And if I don’t think too hard

Sometimes,

A shred of my fantasy’s are allowed

To stay alive,

I think about back when

I thought I wouldn’t survive,

Some days I still don’t feel real

Without you,

So did I really make it out alive?

Some days I still can’t decide

But I do know one thing to be true;

It is a half existence without you—

—Astra

#poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #feelings #quotes #love poems #poetry on tumblr #thoughts

[yourelovelybutlost]

After you,

I could not be in the same room as love.

How could I enter

Knowing inside was every part of you

I never got to know.

—

I shut off the movies

And silenced the songs,

To exist there killed me,

I used to own this body,

But It feels as if you built every wall.

Your handiwork

So intimate I cannot be separate

From it at any point in time.

Sometimes when the songs come

On the radio

I sit in stunned silence feeling like

Someone understands—

—Astra

#poetry on tumblr #poetry #poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #love #feelings #quotes #love poems

[yourelovelybutlost]

#poems #writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #art #universe #stars #space #vibes #love

[yourelovelybutlost]

[yourelovelybutlost]

The cold hearted

never die,

They divide for eternity,

Founding themselves on glass

Already shattered so they can

Predict the ending each time,

Surrounding themselves with the nothingness

that is comparable

only to the insulation of

Pain itself—

The electron is neither here nor there;

It exists in both planes of knowledge

Until observed.

Misery is ever amorphous

Homing in all cells,

Threading itself through two holes

In a skull,

And settling itself

Down the spine.

If only it knew it’s own end

But it fights harder than any

To live on—

—Astra