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117-opossum-teeth · 8 days
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one of my things with love is that i think it's probably like colors. yeah we have a thing that we all sort of agree is red. but we have no way to know if other people see red the same way as us. your red could be totally different from mine and we would never know because it has functionally the same relation to all of us and so we all just call it red. i have no way of knowing if anyone else on earth feels love the exact same way in which i do and in fact i think most people probably don't...
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117-opossum-teeth · 8 days
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A friend of mine asked me once how I could tell the difference between experiencing romantic and platonic attraction. I'd like to restate my thoughts here, since I think they could be useful for some people!
First of all, Intensity =/= Romance. Platonic feelings can be just as strong as romantic ones, although the amatonormativity we live in pretends otherwise. Because of that, I used to often wonder if my squishes are actually crushes. Nowadays, I just go through a series of questions and feel much more at peace afterwards!
"Do I have a crush on this person?"
Ask yourself:
Do I want to kiss them?
On the mouth? With tongue?
Do I want them to kiss me?
Do I want to go on dates with them?
Alone? Would I like it more or less in a group setting with other friends?
Do I like the idea of being seen as a "pair?"
Do I want to live with them?
Forever?
Do I want to marry them?
What does an ideal wedding look like, in my head?
Do I like the idea of them confessing to me?
If I have any interest in children, am I interested in raising children alongside them?
Do I want to exchange gifts with them annually on dates like Valentine's and/or an anniversary?
Do I (in general) enjoy traditional romantic gifts like flowers or jewelry?
Would I enjoy receiving those gifts from the person in question?
If they told me they just got a new partner, would I feel negatively about that?
Do I feel that same negativity when other people I'd never be interested in romantically (family members, etc.) announce they have new partners? Or is it just the person in question?
If sex is a romantic thing for me, do I want to have sex with them?
Answering "yes" to a single one of these questions doesn't mean I have a crush. But answering "yes" to many of them would indicate romantic feelings.
For me, this is a relief, because when I apply these questions to my friends and squishes, I typically react with disgust and RESOUNDING "no"s. Kissing, dating, annual gift obligations, marriage, and co-parenting all squick me out and make me recoil.
A lot of aros (especially baby or questioning ones) might also answer "yes" to a hypothetical they haven't experienced themselves, but then change their answer to "no" later. I know I used to think being confessed to would be flattering (even by someone I didn't reciprocate), but now that it's happened to me a few times, I know how awkward and awful it is. Same with kissing; I thought I'd like it because everyone in media likes it, but actually trying it (with girls and boys) has firmly cemented me in the reality that I just hate mouth kissing.
But, I still thought it might be useful for some aros who struggle with their identity due to all the arophobia and amatonormativity trying to make them question their feelings!
(It might also be helpful for someone trying to figure out if they're gay/bi and have a crush on someone, idk)
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117-opossum-teeth · 17 days
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I love how "contradictory" my labels are. I'm a polyamorous aromantic. I'm a tranmasc nonbinary lesbian. I'm playing 5D chess with labels and obliterating scrubs with my powerful queer vibes
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117-opossum-teeth · 17 days
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loveless people. You agree. Reblog
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117-opossum-teeth · 24 days
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Make more Sex repulsed characters. Make more Romance repulsed characters. Make more loveless aro characters. Make more Non-Partnering characters.
and most of all: don't make these identities flaws. Don't "fix" them by the end of the story. Don't make them obstacles for the characters to overcome. let them be fully complex people without treating their repulsion, lovelessness, or non-partnering identities as a flaw that needs to be fixed. Let these characters exist in a genuine and positive way that is not looked down upon or shamed.
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117-opossum-teeth · 24 days
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they should make astrology for aromantic people
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117-opossum-teeth · 24 days
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girl do you have a crush on me because please leave me alone I'm scared
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117-opossum-teeth · 24 days
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You ever talk to alloros and are like. Oh. Our worldviews are fundamentally different. For instance I do not exist in yours.
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117-opossum-teeth · 24 days
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Just to say this on its own post:
A romantic relationship is not a necessity for physical or emotional intimacy
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117-opossum-teeth · 24 days
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Maybe it’s the aro talking, but I think that a lot of books really suffer due to authors feeling pressured to have a romantic sub plot.
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117-opossum-teeth · 26 days
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i don't understand people who say that aromanticism is a sad thing. personally, i'd never felt more liberated than when i realized i didn't have to date anyone, or that the reason i felt uncomfortable with romantic affection was not because i was a horrible person
for me, being arospec means the freedom of not having to fulfill society's expectations of what my life should be like. it means that i can allow myself to find happiness in things that are not romantic relationships. and it means i can stop getting into relationships without actually being attracted to the other person.
i know those are things that alloromantics can also benefit from and should internalize (amatonormativity hurts everyone, after all), but being arospec makes it even more liberating, if that makes any sense
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117-opossum-teeth · 26 days
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Giving every aroallo, just aro, and non-asexual aromantic person a respectful nod, hug, high five, handshake, or smile
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117-opossum-teeth · 26 days
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Sometimes...characters being in a romantic relationship is worse.
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117-opossum-teeth · 26 days
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It occurs to me that my ideal aroace partnership is like how the animal shelter sometimes calls animals that aren't even the same species a bonded pair.
They're not mating, but if you separate them, one of them might die of the Sadness.
Maybe I should just start saying Bonded Pair because the normies get too fuckin' hung up on the definition of "Queerplatonic."
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117-opossum-teeth · 26 days
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aro mood of the day: caught between "yes my friends are really really important to me and i want them to be important for the rest of my life" and "don't you dare reduce my aromanticism to "but it still has friends so it can't be a bad person""
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117-opossum-teeth · 26 days
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i'm newly out as aromantic and i just found arrows are an aro symbol!! how cool is that?? i've done archery!!! i didn't know about all these symbols like yellow flowers or a white ring being worn on the left middle finger or the green heart emoji (which is already one of my favorite emojis btw)
i'm so excited to be discovering all these new things about myself and learning more about the aromantic community
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117-opossum-teeth · 26 days
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hearing someone say they don't feel love and scrambling to prove them wrong like noooo haven't you ever seen a bee land on a flower!!! you know perfectly well that's not what love is. existing in the world and experiencing joy isn't love. wanting to help strangers isn't love. if someone says they don't feel love, believe them. it's not a bad thing and if you think it is you have some internalised stuff to unpack, and that's fine, but you don't have more authority over their feelings than they do
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