accountabilityformargaretj-blog

[accountabilityformargaretj-blog]

Testimony #5: “[Margaret] never mentioned Noah's record of assault...”

Margaret and I met at KBOO while my news department was covering the Women's Marches, the Presidential Election and the Presidential Inauguration on January 10th, 2017. They arrived about half an hour early for their 5:45pm live on air spot and asked if they could stay and chat with me in my office. I answered that of course that was fine and that I had wanted to talk with them about their activist projects. Margaret commenced with some small talk about their race talk projects, the women's march in Portland and their work as a photographer. Then Margaret sat closer and began flirting. They began mentioning that they were femme and talking a little bit about Noah's activist works and how they were in an open relationship. Margaret spoke vaguely about their relationship dynamic and partners but never mentioned Noah's record of assault. I had heard reports through the grapevine about Margaret's abuse and Noah's rape but had nothing to go on besides rumors at this point.

Some months later in the spring (March I think) I took out Tinder and swiped right on Margaret Jacobson. We matched and out of curiosity I wrote. We agreed to schedule a date for a week out. The day of on a Tuesday, Margaret said she was having a mental breakdown, was really embarrassed and couldn't go on the date. Our schedules were pretty packed so rescheduling would be very difficult and I mentioned that. It seemed like Margaret was hiding something but I really couldn't say what it was. We agreed to schedule something two and half weeks from that day. 

We met at Dig a Pony. Margaret paid for my dinner and spoke about how Noah was the best primary partner she'd ever had. That their family dynamic was solid and that they dated people coast to coast as they met them and hit it off. Margaret also spoke about the dangerousness of white culture and white power dynamics. Margaret said they had found a great metamour in a queer white person besides Noah. Margaret also mentioned that Noah had a re-occurring problem of primarily dating black women and femmes and that Margaret insisted he stop dating blacks but that had proved problematic too. 

This made me curious about what Margaret meant and so I asked how was their dynamic supposed to work if Noah and Margaret's metamour was white and Margaret didn't want whites around but having Noah date black women was also a challenge. Margaret answered that there had been an accountability process that Noah was going through and that he was dating whites but not seriously. 

Margaret never mentioned any of the rapes or assaults to me but said I should meet Noah and some of their other friends in the arts and activism community. I agreed that'd be nice. After the date, Margaret had to travel out of state soon and I was going head first into some big projects. We kept in touch by text On June 6th, 2017 Margaret came on the KBOO Evening News. They brought Noah and excited introduced us. Noah looked at me like a piece of meat and I got an awful feeling in my stomach. I kept my distance and said nice to meet you and that I had to get back to work. 

Between March and August I received several tips, social media posts by Margaret and survivors, as well as the assault charges of Max Steele and Noah.That's all the hard proof I needed to leave Margaret and their partners and friends a lot of space. 

On August 14th Margaret texted me that they were sending me their love. I responded neutrally by asking how they were doing. I had considered booking them for a Snac Bloc feature but after having seen information that supported the rumors of sexual assault, I decided against it and also decided to never ask Margaret back on KBOO. We have not spoken since, except for the Call Out and the FB thread on Margaret's wall on which they lied about Noah's accountability process, how neither of them have dated, that they'd been clear with everyone about Noah and Max and that they were so grateful for peoples transparency. My response was directly to Margaret, that they had dated me and never told me a thing and that they could keep their doe-eyed congratulations.

#noah hochman #margaret jacobsen #rape apologist #abuser sympathizer #portland oregon

[accountabilityformargaretj-blog]

Testimony #4: “Margaret's behavior goes far beyond perpetuating harm in the community merely by protecting abusers. Margaret, themselves is an abuser. ”

Hello, I am choosing to communicate anonymously as Margaret has already very specifically targetted me in the past. I know this is true for many people, however, I am not willing to go through this again. I had no idea who MJ was. I had heard their name only through social media. However, I did know Noah.I had at one point mentioned in public that I had directly experienced gatekeeping, grooming, and sexual harrassment from Noah. I was immediately met with a barrage of claims of gossiping and spreading lies from MJ, including some other high pressure silencing techniques. From there, I continued to receive pressuring messages from them, all of which I ignored. At a certain point, I started receiving pressure from other people in the community contacting me to enter into "accountability" for harrassing and threatening MJ. As I had been ignoring and avoiding them to the best of my ability, predominately out of fear of Noah and Max (who had threatened to attack people on MJ's behalf), I recognized this as an abusive tactic to force me to have an interaction with them. I had communicated to the people asking that if they could produce screenshots of the threats or harrassment, I would happily enter a process, and heard the last of it, as it didn't exist. This is something I have seen MJ do many times. When there is pressure on them to be accountable, they claim they are experiencing a barrage of death threats.....but refuse to share or produce them....though they let everyone know about them. In seeing this new callouts I am deeply saddened. I think that Margaret's behavior goes far beyond perpetuating harm in the community merely by protecting abusers. Margaret, themselves is an abuser.

Many of the behaviors identified in the first person who was brave enough to communicate their experience.....are grooming behaviors. And quite frankly, really scary to hear. Silencing, threatening, gaslighting.....are abusive behaviors. Abuse is about power and control. About a person in a relationship (whether that be interpersonal, a caretaker, a parent, a community member) working to create an unequal structure of power in a relationship, to deny the autonomy and agency of another. 

MJ routinely positions themselves as the arbiter of reality and importance in all of their interactions. If a person speaks of harm MJ caused them, MJ positions themselves and their own experience as way more valued than that other person, and claims that the other person speaking their experience...is abuse. Other's are not allowed to have their experiences validated, because MJ's are inheritently more important. This is consistent with abusive personalities. 

All people are in control of their actions. People make choices. People give themselves permission every time before they harm someone. 

Though each person's unique experiences and trauma history are valuable, they are not an excuse for harming others...ever. And if a person's trauma history is contributing to them actively harming people in a community....they have a responsibility to stop doing it....and address their behaviors through the lensof their trauma experiences.

[accountabilityformargaretj-blog]

Testimony #3: “No "feminist" movement should be led by someone who protects and stands by white rapists.”

I want to speak to this and say that I was the one who added Margaret Jacobsen to the callout group and felt extremely and personally violated when they broke the rules of the group by giving details to a well-known rapist Max Steele and then went on to create an even more damaging public podcast with him critiquing callout culture. (To clarify, the basic rule of the group was don't tell rapists about the group, but they were kicked out specifically for creating this podcast.) I struggled with confronting it publicly because at the time Margaret Jacobsen had also taken over the Portland Women's March organizing and it had already been under so much criticism for being non-inclusive to WOC. No "feminist" movement should be led by someone who protects and stands by white rapists. I very recently saw Margaret Jacobsen and Noah Hochman at a music event and it triggered a very intense panic attack for me. *edited Thursday 10/5/2017 to replace the abbreviated initials with name.

#margaret jacobsen #max steele #rape culture #rape apologist

[accountabilityformargaretj-blog]

Testimony #2: “Reconsider your support for a person who has fucked over many survivors, a person who has publicly upheld someone who raped me and psychologically tortured me for over a year.”

CW: rape/abuse, and rape/abuse apologism, intentional misgendering, toxic Portland activist

I wasn’t going to come out about this originally. It felt too risky for many reasons, and I’ve been to this call-out rodeo before and it can be exhausting as fuck. But then I saw the callout that I have also shared here below my own and decided to get in touch and to add my voice to the others who have been harmed by this person. Talking to the person who issued this call-out, it is clear that there are many more.

Margaret violated my safety, publicly propped up my rapist and abuser, knowingly misgendered me, and posted about me, gaining the support of many people by telling outright lies about me. I’m attaching screenshots of our email exchange. I originally got in touch because we were on the same email list for a long-term commitment to an organization and I was concerned about sharing space. 

It is always important to me to give people the benefit of the doubt and seek reconciliation before ever going public or condemning them in any way. It is what I have done with every person I have come to publicly call-out- try to engage and seek resolution. Sometimes this ends up getting me more hurt but it’s also a core value of mine to exhaust all options before escalating. This email exchange was my attempt to do just that, and the images of their post are how they publicly posted about our email exchange.

In case anyone is wondering- I said that I am comfortable sharing space with them because I think, were I to run into them, I probably would be able to handle it. When I am able to so clearly see someone’s manipulative and abusive ways, it almost makes it easier for me to deal with- because I have come to a place in my own healing journey where I know how to keep strong boundaries and keep myself safe around people like that. I ultimately decided I couldn’t share intimate space with them, but that was and is my attitude towards it, in case that seemed confusing to anyone. I do not generally choose to, nor do I like to or feel comfortable with sharing space with abusive people or the people who uphold them, and I support measures in organizations, personal, and community spaces to ban abusive people for the safety of the community, just so that is clear.

I would really appreciate your support- for myself and for the brave person who originally came forward. The person who came forward listed their needs in their own callout. My needs are simply that you reconsider your support for a person who has fucked over many survivors, a person who has publicly upheld someone who raped me and psychologically tortured me for over a year. Thank you.

#margaret jacobsen #max steele #rape culture #rape apologist #abuser sympathizer

[accountabilityformargaretj-blog]

Testimony #1: “As long as Margaret Jacobson and their fiancé Noah is in a space, I do not feel safe.”

TW: for r*pe, sexual assault, non-consent

For more than a year, I’ve been quietly telling my local friends and chosen family about a person I do not feel safe around in our community since I found out some very disturbing and disconcerting information about them. I haven’t wanted to do a callout post because this person has A LOT of social capital, a lot of mutual friends and I didn’t want to start any trouble. But last week, after I had warned another friend about this unsafe person’s previous behaviour, this person sent me a text message that left me feeling like I was being intimidated. They told me I didn’t have my facts straight, that I was perpetuating gossip. But what was more troubling to me was that they gaslit me and called into question my own trauma that I’ve experienced at the hands of them and their partner. They made me feel invalidated. They made me feel crazy. They made me feel like I needed to keep my mouth shut.

I’ve been steering as clear as I can from this person for the last year, which has been extremely difficult—not just because they are literally *everywhere* but because we have a lot of mutual friends. But getting this text from them (after I’ve told them that I don’t want them to contact me) felt like a violation, and it’s in been on my spirit for the last few days to speak the truth of my experience.

The person that I do not feel safe around is Margaret Jacobsen and their fiance Noah.

Here is what I know:

I know that Noah (Margaret’s fiance) raped someone within the last couple years (I honestly don’t have an accurate date because I’ve heard multiple stories) and not a lot of people know this, despite Margaret insisting that they have been disclosing this to people. Margaret wasn’t even the one who told me about Noah raping someone. I found out through another person in the community who was told directly by Margaret and was very shaken up by it. After hearing this, I was deeply disturbed because I had shared intimate spaces with both Noah and Margaret recently. They had both seen me naked numerous times and I had even shared a bed with them at one point, so I felt extremely violated. I am also a sexual abuse survivor so I was very angry that I found this out this way and not from Margaret directly.

A couple days later, I confronted Margaret with what I knew at the time (they told me they had been meaning to reach out to me about this) and I told them that because of this I didn’t want to have anything to do with either of them because I did not feel safe around them. At the time of this conversation, Margaret had told me they were taking some space away from Noah for their own safety. A few days after this exchange, I saw both Margaret and Noah together at an event I was at and had the first panic attack I’ve had in years.

I found out a little later that Noah was/is going through an accountability process (which I admit that I know nothing about) but I do know that shortly after it was found out about Noah raping someone, he was still invited by Margaret into safe spaces amongst women and femmes, many of whom did not (and still do not) know his status. Noah is also still doing social justice work and organizing in the city without Margaret disclosing his past publicly.

Recently, I heard from a trusted source that Margaret was kicked out of a private callout Facebook community of sexual assault survivors this year after Margaret violated a major confidentiality rule by sharing information about the callout with Max Steele, the well-known rapist who was named. Margaret sharing this information undoubtedly harmed and put many other survivors at risk. Shortly after Margaret was kicked out, Margaret went on a podcast with Max critiquing callout culture. I know that Margaret is also a survivor, but they have upheld and protected a well-known rapist, which makes me feel like they cannot be trusted.

Other ways that I’ve been made uncomfortable by Margaret:

- Being sent explicit photos by Margaret of sexual acts they were engaged in with their partners without my consent

- Being sent explicit photos by Margaret of group sex they were participating in without my consent (or the consent of the parties involved in the group sex)

- Being given unsolicited information about private sexual experiences they’ve had with another friend that I’m certain this friend did not want to be disclosed

Margaret Jacobson has a lot of social capital and currency in our community which makes calling out their problematic behaviour tricky and terrifying for me. It also makes navigating the close-knit POC community here very challenging because I do not feel safe around Margaret or Noah, and since I’ve been blocked by Margaret on Facebook I have no way of knowing if one or both of them will be at an event that I am planning on going to, which causes me a lot of anxiety.

As long as Margaret Jacobson and their fiance Noah is in a space, I do not feel safe.

Margaret Jacobsen has a responsibility to the safety of their friends and community that they have been disregarding to the detriment of everyone around them. Margaret has contributed a lot to our communities and is a survivor themselves. I understand that Margaret has their own healing to do. Unfortunately, survivors too can perpetuate harm and abusive behaviour, and Margaret has done so for the last year. Just because someone is a victim doesn’t mean they’re exempt from critique and the consequences of their actions. Nobody deserves a pass on putting people at risk, including Margaret. This isn’t about Margaret, this is about unacceptable behaviour.

I am sharing all of this because I want to keep my own community safe. I’m sharing this because I don’t think most of you know all of this information because Margaret is not disclosing or being transparent with all of you. I’m sharing all of this so that you know that if you are a friend of Margaret Jacobson and you are not holding them accountable, you are being complicit in their problematic, unsafe behaviour.

Here’s what I need from you:

- I need your support and protection as I continue to navigate our very small POC community here in Portland as Margaret continues to organize and take up space (this can look like letting me know if/when Margaret will be at an event that I am RSVP’d to or interested in).

- If you are associated (or will continue to be associated after reading this) with Margaret and Noah in any way (professionally, personally)—no hard feelings. I just need to know so I can mute you on Facebook because seeing their faces and names is very triggering for me right now.

- I need you to believe me. I have been dealing with this in isolation and some of the folks I’ve told have made me feel dismissed. (And if you don’t believe me, that’s fine. Just please unfollow me.)

- If social justice and accountability processes are your thing, I need you to step up to the plate and make this happen with Margaret and Noah sooner rather than later.

As for the accountability process with Margaret, I don’t know what that is going to look like because I am not well-versed in this. But because of my current feelings about them and their fiance, I feel nervous about being a part of that process. I am however in full support of some kind of accountability process happening and I hope that with this testimony, it’ll help put some motion in action for proper healing. In time, I would be willing to join in the efforts in the accountability process with Margaret, but right now this feels too raw for me.

I do feel like I need to say this: I don’t think Margaret is a bad person, sincerely. I have no ill will toward Margaret and this is not meant to be an attack on them. I just want their problematic behaviour to be addressed and critiqued and for my friends and chosen family to be safe. (I should also note that because I am blocked by them on Facebook, Margaret cannot see this post but I have no illusions that this might be shared with them anyway.)

I totally understand that this is A LOT and get that you might have a hard time processing all of this information, and I apologize for putting this on you today. Again, I’ve been living with this for the last year and had been managing OK, but with the recent contact I’ve received from Margaret, I’ve had a hard time feeling safe and functioning on a high level. This is me trying to put the pieces back together and find some kind of closure on an issue that has been chronically inflamed for me for the last year.

Thank you for listening.

#noah hochman #margaret jacobsen #social capital #rape culture #emotionally abusive