acourtofbookishdreams - Tumblr blog

acourtofbookishdreams · 3 years

Text

Azriel ~ Different

Azriel x Reader

Summary: You have been having nightmares frequently and Azriel always is there to help you. This time, though, you finally open up about your nightmares and the things you experienced Under the Mountain.

Warning: Mentions of r*pe and sex*al assault. Please be wary.

Word Count: 1785

Azriel POV

Her screams had woken me again.

"Azriel! Azriel, no!"

This was becoming a recurrent, nightly tradition. A tradition I wished would would just simply not be anymore.

I did what I always did, bursting into her room, Truthteller at the ready to fend off whatever ailed her but we both knew it was mostly for show. Still, I would never not rush to her side, never leave Truthteller behind for the sake of the fact that the one time I didn't would inevitably be the one time something was truly, physically wrong with her and I would kick myself for treating it as any other night - especially since the fear was certainly not all that unfounded.

But it was just a nightmare. Another nightmare.

'YOUR' POV

My screams had woken him again.

He had done the chivalrous thing of course, bursting into my room with Truthteller, prepared to fight the evil lurking in the shadows he couldn't predict or trust but we both knew nothing was there to fight, it was all in my head.

Another nightmare.

One like all the rest but this time...it was worse.

"Y/N" Azriel breathes, lowering the blade

"I'm okay" I shake my head, offering a weak smile, "Routine procedure at this point, right?"

I bite my lip, trying to hold the tears back and averting my gaze. It was usually at this point that Azriel would ask if I wanted him to stay but for some reason tonight was different. He closed the door, left Truthteller on the bedside table and climbed into bed with me immediately after, no questions, no waiting for an invitation.

Of course, I knew if I told him to leave he would do so. It was always my choice. But tonight it appeared maybe he needed this contact as much as I.

"You're safe" Azriel murmurs, gathering me into his arms.

I choke on a sob, curling into his side and resting my head on his bare chest. Usually, when he was shirtless it was an effort to keep focused but at the moment it was just further proof he was here, alive and free. It was proof he was safe.

"It's not my safety that scares me" I breathe. Once again, we were breaking from normal pattern. Previous nights, it had always been my screaming waking him, he would run in, ask if I wanted him to stay, I would agree and then he'd hold me until I fell asleep.

I never talked about the nightmares I had, never. Not even the first time...

"No!" she screamed, thrashing violently in the bedsheets, almost tearing them apart, "No, don't take-NO!"

"Y/N!" Azriel yells, bursting in through the door at the same time she awakens, clutching the sheets to her chest, sweat slick hair plastered to her forehead, tears streaming down in uncontrolled rivers of fear and pain, "Y/N, what is it?!"

"Nothing, Az, I'm sorry for waking you" she sighed, running a hand through her hair, "It was just a nightmare, I've had them for a while."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Azriel frowned, Truthteller lowering to his side.

"It wasn't necessary. I've been dealing with these since-before I got back."

"Would you..." Azriel trailed off, "Do you want me to stay?"

"No, I..." she began to reject the proposal but suddenly changed her mind, "Actually, yes, please."

Azriel nods, placing Truthteller on the bedside table before moving to open up the covers, having since nervously been put in some semblance of order as they had spoken but he stops mid-way noting that her resolve had shaken - that she was now shaking, violent sobs wracking her body.

"Y/N" Azriel said and the one word was enough to break her.

"Azriel" she sobbed, tears flowing freely again, face screwed up into an expression of unfiltered pain.

"Y/N" Azriel whispers, sitting on the bed and pulling her onto his lap. She wrapped her legs and arms around him, securing herself to him as she sobbed into his neck until the sun rose.

She had fallen asleep that way, her legs and arms secured around him in a tight embrace, tears dried and leaving her skin slightly sticky with the moisture.

He had placed her down in the bed after he had fixed the sheets with one hand, the other supporting her body, becoming limp each second sleep overtook her.

He had intended to leave but she had subconsciously clung to him with a grip so strong it had surprised him and rather than risk waking you or, worse, upsetting you, he had climbed into bed beside her, tucking her into his chest so her face rested right where his heart was.

He had found it a very fitting place for her to rest.

Azriel had done it every night since, every time a nightmare came around unless you wished otherwise, which had never happened as of yet. Even if you didn't scream out, his shadows were so attuned to you, he would sense it and come in anyhow - where you would be sitting cross legged on the bed, hugging yourself or crying or just staring at the ceiling with a dead expression on your face.

Having him with you, holding you in his arms, stroking your hair, legs intertwined and breathing synchronised. It was the best remedy for your fear.

A cure.

"Then what does scare you?" Azriel asks, his voice hesitant to bring up a memory that causes you pain.

"You do" I breathe, "My nightmares are always about you."

Azriel breathes in deeply, "I scare you?"

"No, no!" I rebuke, "No, not you personally! My nightmares always involve you...they..."

"You don't have to tell me" Azriel whispers

"I think I need to" I admit, "These dreams, they're obviously not getting better. Maybe telling someone...maybe telling someone will help."

Azriel waits patiently. Content to listen or to completely disregard everything you said if that was what you wished, the way he'd always been.

"Most nights, A-Amarantha comes back" I explain, stumbling over the name, "And this time she takes you instead of Rhys and other nights...other nights it had always been you that was taken."

"And she took you because she knew he was hiding something" Azriel confirmed, it was the little knowledge he did have of Amarantha and her motives, "So to punish him further, she took you, his only living relative, and..."

"And that's all you know" I nod, "But what you don't know is that...she didn't just punish Rhys. She punished me too."

Azriel stiffens in my arms, his hand momentarily freezing in it's soothing stroking up and down my spine.

"If any of it gets to be too much, I can stop" I say

"No" Azriel shakes his head, "You lived it. I can at least stand to hear about it, especially if it helps you."

"She used to...make me watch." I spat in disgust, "While she...basically raped Rhys I had to watch. Everything she did to him, the malice in her eyes while she did what she did, the enjoyment in knowing he was doing this not for her but to protect what he loved...Worse, we both had to pretend it was normal. That we enjoyed it. If we didn't, our facade as the Court of Nightmares would fall apart and we couldn't let that happen."

Peering up at Azriel, I stopped for a moment to assess his reaction. His eyes were hard as flint, like chips of hazel ice. He nodded softly, encouraging me to continue.

"On the odd occasion she would also...bring me into the scene. It wasn't often, she didn't like it all that much herself it was mainly just to put us on edge. Thankfully, she never made us do anything...to each other. I never touched Rhys once nor he me and I'll always thank the Mother for that but she would still...it was still..."

"You don't need to say what it was" Azriel cuts in, "I know."

Traumatising.

It was traumatising.

"So, when the nightmares come about. It's not Rhys under Am-under her. It's you. I see her with you. Some nights you're faking it like we had to, others you're genuinely enjoying it, and sometimes you're...screaming and-and begging her to stop-" My tears choke off the words and I sob loudly.

He pulls me ever closer in response, hushing me as his hands stroke my hair, "That's not me. It was never me."

"What if it could be?" I cry, "What if another one of her comes around one day and they take you. I couldn't bear it-"

"You could. I had to" Azriel admits. Both comforting and upfront. He would never lie to you and to say it would never happen again could be a lie, "When you were taken, I...Cauldron, I would always try to leave Velaris, damn the consequences. It was always Amren and sometimes Mor and Cass who would pull me off the ledge. I couldn't stand it, thinking about what she could be doing to Rhys but, to you...it was worse. Infinitely worse."

"If it ever does happen, I need you to be strong" Azriel continues, "I will do everything in my power to keep it from happening but if the Mother decides that's how things play out...I will need you to be strong, to protect yourself because the idea of you ever being hurt for the sake of me...it's not right."

"It would be" I sniffle, "To keep you safe, I would do anything. I did. Rhys did."

"You'll never have to again" Azriel resolves, kissing the top of my head, "Never again."

I exhale loudly, making a sudden decision that could change everything.

"Azriel?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too" His response was automatic. I mean, we had said it a dozen times but this...was different.

"I don't mean it like that" I admit, peering up at him sheepishly, "I'm in love with you. I have been for a...a very long time."

Azriel's silence spurs me on to speak more, explain myself.

"I understand if you don't feel the same and I'm sorry I never told you earlier but at first it was a crush and then...then I got taken and I was stuck without you for so long. After that, I knew it was love and not a crush on my part but I couldn't say anything. I just...I couldn't. But then you came in every night to help with my nightmares and that was-"

My words are cut off as Azriel takes my chin in his hand, dipping his head and kisses me. Soft, tentative, comforting. It wasn't the kind of kiss that made your toes curl or butterflies erupt, it was the kind of kiss that admitted everything words could never express.

He pulls back only slightly, leaving you nose to nose.

"I have always loved you" Azriel breathes, "From the moment I saw you barrelling into the Illyrian camps, bright smile and unruly attitude."

"I love you" I smile, tears sliding down my face, - happy tears, "So much"

"And I you."

After that, neither of you slept alone ever again.

Masterlist

276 notes · View notes

acourtofbookishdreams · 3 years

Text

Azriel ~ Irresistable*

Azriel x Reader

* = NSFW. EXPLICIT CONTENT.

Summary: Whilst training with Azriel, you make one too many ‘innocent’ mistakes and his resolve wavers with each one until he can’t take it anymore.

Warning: NSFW, forbidden romance, teasing, shitty writing with no sense, out of character azriel, piece of crap - posting anyway aha

Word Count: 2539

"You need to tighten your core" Azriel instructs, voice soft and unjudgemental but aggravating nonetheless.

"I am tightening" I grit from between my teeth, working with all my waning strength on moving along the balance beam.

Azriel and I had been training only for a couple of weeks now after I'd finally decided I wanted to learn how to defend myself or at least be able to hold my own until I could get to safety. However, my insipid mortal reflexes and strength was making it insanely difficult to learn anything.

Considering my being the remaining mortal sister of the Archerons after thankfully being on a short trip to see a friend at the time my other sisters had been kidnapped and turned, it seemed like an even better idea. Especially to my overprotective older sisters. Sometimes, being the only human around definitely sucked and others, like when my sisters got roped into Fae bullshit...it definitely didn't.

It did really suck I wouldn't find a mate, though. That sounded incredibly...convenient.

"You may think you're engaging your core but you're not" Azriel says, moving slightly closer, his shadows surrounding him in the soft dawn light.

"You know what, if this is so easy then-ah!" I squeal as I fall off the beam, stumbling slightly and gripping the beams surface to keep from slipping as my feet land hard on the floor, ground shock reverberating up my legs, "Ugh, this sucks!"

Azriel chuckles softly, "You'll get it."

"It doesn't feel like it" I grumble

Azriel comes up behind me, placing one large hand across my stomach, pushing against it softly, "You need to act as if you're sucking in your stomach, belly button to spine."

I do exactly that, my stomach concaving in, forcing his hand to slip from my stomach and back to his side and Azriel laughs - a big, joyful chuckle, the loudest I'd ever heard from him.

"Was that a laugh?" I smirk, quirking one eyebrow

"I do laugh, you know."

"Not often...and not around me."

"Focus. We're not here to discuss my social habits. Now, I meant internally. It may sound strange but visualise it in your mind and then pull your stomach in and hold it. You'll feel it."

My smirk slips and I nod, focusing. I do as he instructs and though he is right, it does feel strange, I definitely feel it in my stomach, an odd and uncomfortable tightening sensation as if my stomach was benching a weight.

"Ow" I pout, releasing my stomach, "I don't like that"

"You'll get used to it" Azriel smiles, "Now, come on, back up on the beam and try again"

"Will you catch me if I fall?" I tease, my smirk returning. Though he may be over 200 years older than me, strictly off limits because of his being a completely different and dangerous race from me and completely emotionally unavailable, it didn't mean I couldn't flirt.

"Of course" Azriel responds, tone all business. I roll my eyes slightly as I hop back up onto the beam, one foot in front of the other.

Squeezing my eyes slightly against the pressure, I perform my weird suck-in thing to engage my core, taking a tentative step forward...and finding it suddenly way easier. Gaining confidence, I take another step forward, and then another, each one coming faster and faster until...

"I did it!" I giggle, reaching the opposite end of the beam and jumping off, "I actually did it."

"Well done" Azriel commends, his ice-hewn face slightly broken by a small smile, "Next beam"

"Already?" I gulp, looking over my shoulder. The next beam was higher up then the first, the top of it reaching my chest. I turn back to him, gesturing to the lower one, "Can't I just do this one again?"

Azriel says nothing and I sigh, moving over to the other beam and grabbing a couple step blocks to get up to the beam. Heaving myself up and onto the beam, I wobble softly and a small, startled squeak escapes my lips before I regain my balance.

"You really will catch me, right?" I ask nervously. Again, no response omits from his lips, just a short nod of which I couldn't tell was either actually in answer to my question or instruction to get a move on.

"Okay" I breathe, closing my eyes and stilling my body completely, performing the process of engaging my core slowly, each muscle at a time until I felt so tightly wound even a sharp shove couldn't knock me from my feet.

I take a step forward...then another...and then I slip.

My foot hits the side of the beam wrong and in an effort to stay up, I attempt to pull it back on rather than letting it go and placing it behind my other foot, bending at the knees as I was taught to do and had done many times on the lower beam. I scream and squeeze my eyes shut tightly as I tip backward, flailing my arms out as my back heads for the ground.

As if in slow motion, I turn my body as I fall, instinctively positioning to catch my fall with my hands - a rookie mistake. A pair of strong hands encircles my waist as I turn and without thinking I grab onto him, securing my body to his in every way possible to stop my fall. I grunt as one of my feet lands hard on the floor, ground shock again erupting through...one of my feet?

I open my eyes and find myself in the strangest position...Azriel's face was before me, his arm hooked underneath the crook of my right knee, holding the one leg up whilst the other was placed upon the floor as normal, my hips pressed against his.

"You really did fall in the most difficult way possible" Azriel says, voice deep and gravelly...as if straining.

It's then I notice Azriel's stance is crooked, his weight tipped to one side slightly as if weighed down...I gasp and almost send myself flying again as I realise what exactly I'd done in my attempt to escape a painful landing.

My knee was grazing his right wing, my left arm tightly wrapped around his neck with my elbow brushing the inside of his left wing and my right hand was placed entirely on the soft membrane of the inside of his right wing, my fingers splayed across the shimmering surface and pressing lightly onto it, the way one would place their hand on a surface to maintain balance.

Points of contact everywhere with Azriel's wings...Azriel's sensitive wings.

"Oh my...I'm so sorry" I gasp, pulling my leg out of his grasp and removing my arm from his neck, my hand from his wing, until I was standing before him. Closer than I'd ever been before, his eyes boring into mine.

"You couldn't have just fallen backward?" Azriel says, his voice still rough and strained, "I would've caught you."

"I know, I-" I stammer, "I didn't think, I just acted on instinct. I don't know what I was thinking. Are your wings okay?"

"They're fine" Azriel frowns softly, "Why wouldn't they be?"

"Feyre's told me before to be careful of your wings, to make sure I keep away from them because they're really sensitive...are they not?" I redirect as his confused frown deepens.

"They are but not in the way you seem to think" Azriel explains, "It doesn't cause me pain, which by the look on your face, I assume is what you think."

"It's not painful?" I breathe a sigh of relief, "Oh thank the forgotten gods...but if it's not a painful sensitivity, why do you seem so tense? Well, tenser."

"While it's not painful, it is still sensitive. The sensation is hard to explain but it just provokes a different...reaction."

"What do you mean?"

"It's too hard to explain. How about I show you the approximation of what it feels like to a non-winged being and then you tell me the reaction you have."

I nod, a little nervous about the slight gleam in Azriel's eyes, a knowing one...

Leaning forward, Azriel breathes softly into the shell of my ear, lips trailing sensually along the outer edge as his large hand ghosts down my spine in soft, light movements, his fingers barely touching the skin but sending shivers all the way through my body. My eyes go heavy lidded and instinctively, I grip his bicep to hold myself steady, neck tipping back slightly to expose more of my neck as his breath gusts over the sensitive skin, his hand coming to rest on the small of my back to keep me from falling on my ass. A small noise escapes from my throat.

In a lighting fast move, Azriel pulls me to rights and releases me completely, stepping a good few paces back. Breathing heavily, my eyes open and meet his and I imagine our expressions to be almost exact. Flushed cheeks, glazed eyes, chests rising and falling so agonisingly slowly as we attempt to keep our breathing even and failing completely.

"Woah" I breathe, "I definitely get it now."

"You can't do that, Y/N, damn it!" Azriel growls and I straighten further, lust filled haze vanishing.

"Do what?" I gape

"Make me-" Azriel says and then stops himself, "Never mind. Today's session is over"

He turns on his heel to leave but I run after him, meaning to grab his shoulder...and accidentally gracing the back of his wing again.

Damn it, dumbass.

Azriel releases a frustrated growl and whirls on me, pushing me back into a nearby wall, his hands on my waist, eyes staring into mine.

"That"

I was still confused. This was the only time I'd ever touched his wings...

Seeing my confused expression, Azriel presses closer, his body pressed to mine, something hard pressing into my-

Oh.

"I...I wasn't aware I" I stumble over my words, "I wasn't aware it was something I'd done more than once."

"That's a lie and you know it" Azriel huffs, "Stop feigning innocence."

"I'm not feigning anything!" I protest. I truly hadn't meant to turn him on. Now or any other time. Feyre and Nesta and Elain had all made it clear I shouldn't get into it with Azriel...Gods, even Rhys had told me to keep away!, "Why does it even matter? We're both adults, we can just move on from-"

"You don't get it, do you?" Azriel growls, "That I've wanted you every moment from when I first saw you, that Feyre and Rhys gave me this lecture about duty and responsibility and the different race bullshit and ordered me to stay away from you. The only reason I was allowed to train you is because I swore it'd be training and nothing more!"

"I'm...I don't know what to say to you except that I didn't know anything about any of that."

"I swear you're my own personal hell on Earth." Azriel sighs, shaking his head, eyes hard and cold as flint.

"Wow, thanks" I scoff sarcastically, offended, "I wasn't doing anything intentionally."

"That may be even worse" Azriel concedes, "Knowing that anything you did wasn't intentional means if you truly tried to make a move...I would fall at your feet and beg you for just a second of your time. For one moment between-I shouldn't be entertaining this idea."

No, please go on.

"It doesn't help that I can smell you every time you enter a room. It's like you specifically-"

"Wow, so now I smell?" I huff, "Perfect."

"Not that kind of smell. I can smell it on you now."

It?

Well, sure, I was sweaty but I'd just been working out. Although I'd cooled a bit now, with all the slow and steady lust-filled contact we'd had-

Oh...again.

I remember Nesta telling me once to be careful with any time I spent...with myself because the males could smell...

Could smell arousal.

"Oh" I say aloud this time, "That."

"I could swear you would touch yourself before each training session just to drive me insane with what I can't have-damn it, stop it!"

"Well I can't really help my body's reactions when you talk like that" I defend, that warm and tight feeling in my stomach building, eyelids fighting not to fall.

"Try" Azriel suggests weakly.

"If the past few weeks of my unintentional seducing you wasn't proof enough, I clearly can't do that."

"What has been with you recently? You're aroused all the time."

"I don't know" I blush, "I just...have been. Besides, it's not like I have someone I can go to here to...relieve myself of the frustration so I'm all I've got."

Azriel's jaw clenches, eyes ablaze with a hungry fire.

"Why can't we...I mean, why am I so forbidden to you?"

"Feyre and Rhys say...well, I don't know. It doesn't matter about their reasons, their my High Lord and Lady. If they order me to do something, I obey."

"Is that something you can't fight?" I ask, eyes trailing up and down his body, "Like a magical side effect stops you?"

"No, it's an honour thing-" Azriel stops short, recognising my intention, "Okay, I know you're doing this on purpose now"

"So what?" I whisper, "It's not like I'll tell them anything...and there's no one out here to witness for at least a few hours."

"Hours?" Azriel chuckles, "What makes you think you can handle that?"

Cocky now, huh?

"I'm almost certain I probably can't...but I'm more than willing to try."

Azriel's erection grows larger, pressing insistently upon my upper thigh, "Y/N...I can't"

"Yes you can" I say, "Something tells me you're just as good at getting in your own way as Feyre and Rhys are. I'm more than capable of making my own decisions and I would be lying if I said this isn't one of the fantasies I've used to help me out when I'm alone."

The sound of Azriel's teeth grinding against each other makes me smile. I don't know where this sudden confidence came from - perhaps from knowing how badly he also wants this. Maybe it was fate's way of making something that was always supposed to happen, happen. By removing my nervousness and forcing Azriel to think his way out of his own mental purgatories.

Azriel, still fighting his own mental battle, pants softly and I lean forward, trailing a long line up his neck and along his jawline with my tongue. My hand drifts up, reaching for the tender inside of his wing-

"Don't. Do. That" Azriel grits out, hand gripping my wrist and pushing it back against the wall, up above my head, the other arm quickly following, "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Who said I wasn't planning to finish?" I smirk

"Gods, you'll be the death of me" Azriel sighs, leaning closer to me. I could already tell the battle was lost, he was just clinging to the last scraps of will he had left.

"What was that you said earlier? That you would 'fall at my feet and beg for just one moment between...' What were you going to say?" I tease

"Shut the fuck up" Azriel growls, his lips pressing to mine.

Masterlist

#azriel imagine #azriel acotar #azriel blurb #azriel x reader #azriel imagines #azriel blurbs #azriel one shot #azriel one shots #azriel x reader smut #azriel smut

474 notes · View notes

acourtofbookishdreams · 3 years

Text

Azriel Masterlist

This is just where I’ll put all my Azriel writings so they can all be found in one place. Regular updates are not really possible at this time.

I don’t tend to write for any other character so for now this is just an Azriel Masterlist but this is subject to change.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN.

Feel free to message me and request anything, I will try my best to accommodate :)

All imagines are Azriel x Reader and in first person unless otherwise stated in the Masterlist. I prefer 1st as for me it feels as if I’m reading the thoughts of myself and it puts me into the world better.

Art Credit for Collage: Swampa on Pinterest :)

LEGEND

* = smut

^ = fluff

x = scraps (the stories I write, hate halfway through and dnf. Posted only because someone out there might like it and I wasted a lot of time on it lol)

+ = sensitive topics (read warning tags before reading these please!)

Beautiful * ^

Fun *

Irresistible * x

Different ^ +

221 notes · View notes

acourtofbookishdreams · 3 years

Text

Azriel ~ Fun*

Azriel x Reader.

* = NSWF. EXPLICIT CONTENT.

Best read whilst listening to Chase Atlantic, specifically ‘Meddle About’

Summary: You finally convince Azriel to come out to Rita’s with you, Cass and Mor. As the night progresses, things got considerably more heated between the two of you until you decide damn the consequences, and have some fun :)

Warning: NSFW, BDSM, grunge!Azriel, sexual relations in public places, descriptive and intense smut, wings, little bit of angst, motherfucker is loooong sorry haha

Word Count: 4726

Everyone was out at Rita's dancing, as you always did on an average...well, any night, really. The fact it was a Thursday did nothing to change our usual after dinner dancing plans.

It was less of a tradition and more of a compulsion at this point. The nights we actually all managed to have a full, sit-down family dinner it was always agreed that everyone would go dancing.

Although by everyone, I more so mean me, Cass and Mor. Feyre and Rhys liked to join, too, but they were always gone before the clock struck 12. Typical married couple...then again, to be fair, they were definitely getting more action than I've had recently.

Then there was the matter of Azriel. He would come, but would always just sit down at a table, drink in hand and just stare at us all, shadows for once not distinguishable in the dim club lights. It didn't help he put himself in the dingiest, darkest corner possible either.

Like now, he was over in his designated corner whilst Mor and I, sweaty and panting, were dancing our hearts out to whatever the newest song was. Or it could've been old, it didn't matter - it had a beat and I had feet, so I was dancing. Cassian, usually on the dance floor with us, was getting the next round fo drinks, chatting up the bartender to score us extra shots.

Not that I need another drink...or shot...but that was beside the point, really.

As the song came to a close, my chest rising and falling rapidly, I turn to Mor, resplendent in a jaw-dropping white shimmery dress and dancing with another male companion, her fourth for the night, "I'm gonna take a break!"

"Okay!" Mor confirms, shouting over the thumping music.

Weaving my way through the crowd and towards Az and his dingy table, a perhaps not-so-smart idea pops into my head and before my rational subconscious could convince my liquor soaked brain, I had already sat down in Az's lap, one arm wrapped behind his neck, the other stealing his glass of...

"Water?" I scoff, taking a sip, "How responsible of you."

"Someone needs to chaperone you children" Azriel grumbles

"Chaperone?" Cassian butts in, swapping the water glass for a cocktail and a tequila shot, "My lady."

"My liege" I tease, throwing back the shot and shivering softly, "Ah, much better."

Cassian, already ghosting back through the crowd to deliver Mor's next drink, gives me a sloppy salute and I giggle, relaxing more into Azriel. It's then I notice his hand, which is resting on my leg, is covered in...

"Are those rings? And like, bracelets?" I gape, taking one of Azriel's hand in mine, "How have I never noticed this before?!"

"I only wear them every now and again and sometimes my shadows hide them" Azriel shrugs as if it's no big deal.

"You know how hot that is, right?" I chuckle, discarding my drink on the table and wrapping both hands around his neck, "Like, really hot."

Azriel stiffens and exhales sharply through his nose in frustration.

"Aw, come on Azzy" I sigh, wrapping the other arm around his neck and facing him, "I'm just saying! It is hot. What is it with you? Are you scared you'll, Cauldron forbid, actually have fun tonight?"

I gasp dramatically and then giggle again, cocking my head to the side as I sip at my cocktail, waiting for his answer.

"I'm not scared of fun" Azriel huffs and I raise my eyebrow at him, not believing that for a second, "But you should be."

"Oh, and why is that?"

"You should be scared..." Azriel begins, trailing off slightly as his eyes roam slowly down my body, lingering on my parted thighs, the short dress having ridden up to an almost indecent height, "...of what I might do if I start having fun."

A borderline violent shudder ripples through me as one of Azriel's hands slowly trails the line of my spine, resting on the small of my back. In movements so quick only an Illyrian warrior could manage them so smoothly, Azriel uses his other hand to part my legs further, one foot landing on the floor as the other remains up by his waist, my legs spread definitely indecently wide now.

"Is this why you pick dark corners all the time?" I breathe heavily, attempting for humour and failing miserably, "So no one can see you have fun?"

Azriel chuckles, a dark, sultry thing that peaks my nipples against the feeling, "What's the fun in not being able to get caught?"

My head falls back slightly, eyelids fluttering at the implication in his voice.

"It certainly doesn't help my reaction that I can feel what this is doing to you" Azriel teases, fingers creeping into the inside of my thigh and drifting slowly upward, "You know, this dress is very, very thin"

His vulgar words sober me slightly and I remember we're in a public place. I move to close my legs but Azriel's hand vanishes from the small of my back to wrap around my other thigh, forcing my foot back down to the floor, spreading my legs again.

"Uh uh" Azriel chides me, "Don't."

I pant softly, electing not to say anything rather than say something potentially embarrassing. Before I can truly process what he was doing, Azriel takes my hand, wrapping it palm down on the top of my hand, using his own to guide mine down from his neck, along the curves and dips of my own body and then down to my thigh.

Breathing heavily and cursing myself for being unable to think clearly, I let him curl our joined hands along my thigh, fingers gripping the bottom of it as he slides our hands down further along my inner thigh, so close to where I could feel I now wanted him most.

And then, in full view of anyone who could be looking close enough, our conjoined hands met my wet core through the thin layer of my underwear, also soaked. I moan softly, head falling back again against Azriel's shoulder.

"I haven't even truly touched you, and you're already this wet" Azriel's voice says, directly into my ear, sending shivers through me, "How's this for fun?"

"Hey, Y/N!" Mor calls and in the space of two seconds, Azriel had released my hand and sat us both back up to the original position we'd been in, casually sat together as if speaking normally. Albeit, I was still on his lap but that was casual contact for our group, "Get your ass back on the dance floor! And bring Az with you!"

"You heard the queen!" I announce, jumping off Azriel's lap as if nothing had even happened despite the fact the fingers of my right hand were still slightly damp, "Let's go!"

I don't give him the chance to respond, instead taking hold of his hands and forcibly pulling him up off the seat and out into the party lights and grinding dancers.

What the fuck was that? I think to myself as we make our way through the sweaty crowd and into the centre of the dance floor, where of course Mor and Cassian had taken up a post.

Azriel and I were certainly known to tease each other, flirt even, but I did the same with Cassian. God, I'd even flirted with Mor before! It's just how we were, so close and sexually freed - barely any boundaries, all love but this had been...Well, erotic for starters.

And different.

So very different.

It's through my reverie that I finally realise through Azriel and I are standing eye to eye, his hands on my waist, my arms around his neck, that he isn't dancing at all.

Even riling through my own hectic thoughts, I was still moving to the music, albeit a little sluggishly but Azriel was stock still, as if a statue had been placed on the dance floor. Instead he was just...watching me.

"If you don't start dancing, I'll go find someone else" I warn him but still, he doesn't move, "Ugh, fine."

Rolling my eyes, I disconnect myself from him and spin into the arms of Cassian, "Ah, finally, a true dance partner!"

Cassian chuckles me, taking my hand and spinning me in a fast circle before pulling me back into him, hands either side of my waist as we move and writhe in time with each other and the music. I wasn't just teasing when I said he was a good dance partner. He had gotten exponentially good in all the times he'd come dancing with Mor and I.

In club dancing anyhow. Challenge him to do a ballroom dance and it'd be a hilarious sight.

After a while I feel another presence behind me, pressing closer with each footstep, first a single hand on my hip, higher up than where Cassian's rested, and then another on the other side, holding me tight to him as he swayed gracefully to the music. It was slower than the beat thumping through the room but I...frankly, I didn't fucking care.

I didn't need to turn behind me to know it was Azriel. If his silence hadn't given him away already, the feel of his rough calluses and smooth scars through the cut out in my dress, would have.

Turning my body so it's squarely in between the both of them, I reach one hand up to cup Azriel's neck and he dips his head down accordingly, lips brushing the pulse point in my neck. At he same time, Cassian also presses close, his forehead touching my cheek gently as the three of us being to move slower, the ecstasy of being touched in so many places both skin to skin and fabric to fabric overwhelming us all.

This was also very different.

These Illyrian warriors I swear to the Mother...

Azriel, apparently emboldened like never before, moves his hand further along my waist, hand slipping beneath the small panel of fabric connecting the top half of the dress to the skirt, his hand disappearing behind the fabric to caress the bare skin there, pushing my body back into his further. A small sound escapes my throat and my head lolls back slightly, my hand pulling Azriel's head further into the crook of my neck his lips were pressing upon. Azriel obliges, head bowing further, lips more firmly pressed to my neck.

Surely but gradually, my movements falter, my hand on his neck becoming slack, my other hand vanishing from Cassian's arm. No, not vanishing-

Opening my eyes barely to slits, I see Cassian whirling another female into his arms, smiling broadly with a sparkle in his eyes and that's when I realise the parts of my body previously warm from Cassian's touch had been colder for a while now.

"Now who needs the chaperone?" Cassian chuckles to Azriel before spinning off in the opposite direction with the other female.

It's then that I realise not only just how close to Azriel I am but also how lost in his touch I had been. I hadn't even noticed Cassian gradually slipping away, leaving Azriel and me alone...

Well, not totally alone. A good chunk of the club seemed to be watching us, nostrils flared.

"Y/N" Azriel's voice shatters my blissful state and I straighten slightly, turning my head to meet Azriel's eyes. They were dark and shimmering with a glint of dangerous anger - no, not anger, with...warning, "You need to calm down."

His words are gritty and almost angry. Why is he angry?

Oh.

It wasn't anger in his eyes, it was lust - exponentially more dangerous because it meant he could smell it, smell me, and it appeared the entire club could also smell it because every person within 20 feet of us was staring at us.

This was Velaris so there was no judgement, no anger, no disgust in their faces just...amusement mostly. A hint of jealousy from those here alone and unlucky with their prospects tonight.

I was usually right there with them.

"I-we..." I stammer, release my hold on Azriel and turning to face him, leaving only one hand on his arm to keep me from falling, my knees weak and wobbly.

"We're leaving" Azriel grinds out, turning to face Cassian, whom nods in confirmation.

With that, Azriel winnows us from the club - there one second and gone the next.

Then we're falling in the air, nothing but unbridled wind and darkness surrounding us but of course it's mere seconds before Azriel scoops me into his arms and slows our descent with his wings, steering us through the open archways of the House of Wind.

Azriel places me gently down on the floor, still steadying me with his hands as it's crystal clear I'm still shaky.

"Well, that was definitely fun" I chuckle, trying to dismiss the entire night into one of the many stories we never mention or talked about but all knew had happened, "Good night"

"Uh uh" Azriel rebuts, grasping my hand and pulling me back into his arms, wings wrapping around me to trap me in his little confrontation cocoon, "We need to talk."

"About what?" I feign innocence, pulling back from him slightly

"Everything that just happened. We're not sweeping this one under the rug," Azriel shakes his head.

"Fine, then speak!" I half shout, throwing my hands up in the air...but meeting wing instead. Azriel breathes in a sharp huff of breath, jaw clamping down and grinding his teeth together, his wings shivering, "Oh, I'm so sorry! Did that hurt?"

"No, they're just sensitive" Azriel breathes shakily, deciding something, "Even more so because it's...because it's you touching them."

"Oh" I breathe, a shiver running through my own body.

"You can't do stuff like that, Y/N" Azriel says, voice pained, "Like touch me and sit on my lap and dance with me like that..."

"Oh, do what?!" I defend, "Convince you to have a little fun for once? God, even Mor can't talk you into having any fun, I thought maybe I'd give it a shot!"

"You're the only one who could convince me" Azriel admits, "But it doesn't mean that you should."

"Wow, well, if that isn't the definition of cryptic" I scoff, "What's so bad at having fun with me anyway?"

"It is the opposite of bad" Azriel sighs and I raise my eyebrow - he was only further proving my cryptic point, "Rhys and Feyre, they-"

"Rhys and Feyre what, Azriel?" I huff, "It doesn't matter what they say-"

"He doesn't want me to get close to you because I'm looking for a replacement for Mor." Azriel cuts me off, "And I see his point. You're not Mor. You're you and if I knew without a doubt how I felt about you, I could let myself..."

"Fuck me? Fool around with me, what?" I chuckle, "Azriel, you overthink too much. I don't care if I am just replacement Mor for you. We're well beyond 500 years old and I know right now what I want is for you to fuck me."

Azriel gulps, eyes flickering between wary caution and unrestrained lust.

"What you need to decide" I whisper, reaching my hand out deliberately to stroke the smooth membrane of his wing, "Is if you're going to get out of your own head. This doesn't need to be the be all and end all. Just...fun."

"Fun" Azriel breathes, body stiffening in more ways than one, "Just fun."

"Just...fun" I confirm, taking another step closer, letting my hand drift behind me at a slower pace, my nails grazing along his wing in long, slow lines. His entire being shudders and shivers, wings flaring out and away, exposing us to the cold wind and bright stars.

"If you keep touching me like that, this'll be over before we can start" Azriel grits out, "And I want to taste you long before that."

A thrill shoots through me, my already wet core soaking further. At this point my underwear was sure to be more damp than dry, what with everything that had happened before we'd even reached the dance floor.

Azriel scoops me into his arms again, moving quickly through the House and into his bedroom. Placing me gently upon the bed, he kneels before the foot of it, my legs hanging off the edge of the bed.

We hadn't even kissed yet and he was already...oh, man, this was going to be...well, fun.

Slowly, Azriel reaches beneath the short hem of my dress, cool spots of metal from his rings hitting my skin and differentiating the warmth of his skin. He hooks his fingers beneath the top of my underwear, pulling them down and off my body before throwing them to the side, smirking at the wetness he found both on them and between my legs.

In one smooth motion, he hooks his arms underneath my thighs and pulls my core closer to his face. I wriggle slightly on the bed as if to squeeze my legs together and provide some pressure to the aching bundle of nerves between my legs but realise I can't and that Azriel's smirk reveals he knew exactly what he was doing with that.

"You ass-oh!" I begin to chide him but before I can get a word out, he delves between my legs, my hips raised to a height that all I can see is his midnight black hair as his tongue meets my core, sweeping up in one long lick to collect all the wetness already pooled in my pussy.

"Oh, gods!" I moan, one hand finding the sheets and the other gripping to Azriel's hair, fisting it in one hand, "Azriel"

Azriel moves one of his hands to slide up my thigh and my waist before resting between my hips, pushing my waist to the bed from where I'd bucked my hips to increase the contact. His tongue stops it's licking assault and instead he pushes it into me, rotating it around and using his free hand to run smooth circles around my clit, sending shivers throughout my body.

"Holy fuck, Az" I gasp, squeezing my eyes shut and my freed legs tight around his head. I feel him smile against me at the contact, my desperation to finish and instead of quickening like other males had done to me before, he maintains his pace, putting more pressure behind his movements and dragging my high out, edging me to my absolute peak.

Opening my eyes, I look down and come eye to eye with Azriel, already watching me lose my mind at his touch, a glint of predatory glee shining there, his mouth still fixed in that smirk of his. That sight of him, kneeling between my legs, consuming every last drop of my arousal and watching me come undone undoes me.

I groan loudly as I find my release, my legs slackening and then falling either side of Azriel's still kneeling form, panting loudly.

"Was that as fun for you as it was for me?" Azriel teases, coming to lay above me, one arm supporting his weight above me.

"I swear the word 'fun' has lost it's meaning the amount of times we've said it" I groan, rolling my eyes before meeting his own.

"You taste better than I imagined you would" Azriel compliments, pressing a soft kiss to my lips before pulling back, "Can you taste it?"

I could and it was hotter than I could've anticipated. The taste of myself but on his tongue...mixed with essences of him and the essence of me, it was enough to tighten my muscles.

I nod softly in response and he kisses me again, this time his tongue joins his lips and the moan that elicits from me as a result of the taste of him, the taste of me and the memories of only moments before that it called back surprises me.

"Good girl" Azriel smirks, dipping his head into the crook of my neck and leaving kisses there, trailing down from below my ear to the middle of my neck, where he bites my neck. I gasp at the short burst of pain, numbed almost immediately as his tongue swipes along the small bite before sucking on the sensitive skin there.

My breathing increases, one leg hitching over his waist whilst one hand grips the back of his neck, the other digging into the strong muscles of his back.

"Stop playing with me" I breathe, "I want you. Any of you. I don't care, just give me more, please."

"Begging me already?" Azriel chuckles, the gust of his breath across the sensitive skin he had just ravaged sending shivers through me again.

"Yes, please" I whimper, "If I have to beg, I will. I've waited for this...for a long time."

"Not so long as me I doubt."

"Is it really a competition?" I say, narrowing my eyes at him as he pulls back to look me in the eyes, "We're here now and I'm telling you I want you. Begging you. What more do you want?"

"Nothing" Azriel shrugs, "It's just so incredibly fun to hear you beg me."

"Shut up" I growl, pressing my lips to his again and kicking into that Illyrian training I'd insisted upon, I flip us over so that I'm sitting astride him, my completely exposed core resting directly above the erection that was so hard it had tightened the denim of his jeans to the point of splitting.

Shit, how big was he?

Swallowing the small bout of nerves I'd acquired with that thought, I placed my hands on either shoulder, grinding down onto his erection-

Azriel flips me so fast I'm left breathless. Actually, that could be his hand around my throat making me breathless.

"Who said you could go on top?" Azriel growls, eyebrows lifted, his hand tightened around my throat enough for me to see a couple stars splitting my vision with spots of black.

"I did" I breathe, being bratty.

"Bad girl" Azriel sighs, plunging his other hand between my thighs and running them up my slit torturously slowly, the cool metal of his rings brushing against my clit sending shivers of pleasure through me, "Now, I might need to consider making you waist even longer.

"Don't you-" I try but don't manage to say. Azriel releases his grip on my neck slightly, allowing more air to my lungs, "Don't you dare."

Azriel smirks, removing his hands from my body to pull his shirt over his head before wrapping an arm around my neck to undo the strings tying my dress together. With deft, practiced movement he undoes the strings and pulls my dress off in one deft movement, discarding it in the same corner my underwear vanished too.

Since it was an open backed dress, there was no bra to remove so I found myself completely naked before him, cheeks flushed, pussy swollen and already begging him to fuck me.

"You're beautiful" Azriel breathes, resting his hand on my collarbone before slowly dragging it down along my chest, through the valley of my breasts before finally resting on my stomach, "So beautiful..."

"Please" I whine pathetically, "Please, Az, stop teasing me"

For a second, the dominance I'd seen from Azriel flickered in his eyes and I could see his concern. Not only was my whine pathetic but truly pained. After my first orgasm, I was ten times more sensitive than before, meaning every touch and tease was sending me into insanity.

But the concern vanishes as quick as it appeared - and so did his teasing. Leaning up to stand on his knees, he frees me from his hands, allowing me to undo his pants. I waste no time in reaching for his buckle, undoing it quickly and moving to throw it but he grabs it from me, holding it in his hand.

Deciding to let it go, I go back to undoing his pants, popping the button before unzipping the jeans. Azriel helps me get them off him completely, as well as his boxers and-

"Holy shit, I guess the wingspan thing is right" I gape and Azriel chuckles. Without another word, he places his hand on my collarbone again, pushing my back down to the bed as before, and grabbing the belt.

Before I can question what he's doing, he's fashioned the belt into makeshift handcuffs. Grabbing my hands and pulling them up above my head, he slips them into the cuffs, tightening the leather to the point it bites harshly into the skin of my wrist.

"No touching" Azriel instructs, not that I could anyway, as he lines himself up with my entrance and in one fluid motion, he thrusts all the way into me, clamping his hand over my mouth to lock in my scream of both pain and pleasure, "You'll need to get used to me first."

I wanted to scream at him, tell him to move, make him move. It was painful, of course, he was huge, way bigger than I'd ever had before but I didn't care. Getting used to it could come later but I couldn't say anything with his hand over my mouth.

But it didn't take him long to start moving in and out of me slowly, pushing impossibly further into me with each stroke. My moan rumbles out of me, my head falling back onto the bed, hands fisting into balls with nothing to grab onto but my own skin.

"Fuck" Azriel moans into my ear as he pulls all the way out only to thrust back into me a moment later. Our moans mingle in the air, the scent of our arousals tangling up into one scent.

I writhe beneath him and he bites his lip, eyes rolling back into his head for a moment, "You're unbearable. You're so fucking hot, writhing under me like that."

He finally releases my mouth in favour of gripping one of my breasts in his hand, his own mouth joining his hand, caressing my breast with his hand whilst his tongue swirled around my nipple, suckling and bitting softly on the soft flesh.

"Azriel, fuck" I moan, "Go faster"

Apparently done with teasing me, Azriel obliges sitting up onto his knees and onto all fours, his cock impressively still inside me whilst me moved. Reaching over me, he undoes the belt handcuffs and tosses the belt to the side, taking one hand and gripping my neck from behind at the same time he pulled out and thrusted into me.

Again and again and again.

With each thrust, his pace became quicker, the thrusts more forceful until the room was filled with the sounds of our moans and skin slapping skin.

"Are you close?" I ask him, clenching my muscles around him and making the fit even tighter.

"Yes, baby, I'm very close now" Azriel grinds out and I tighten myself around him again, eliciting a harsh hiss from him, "Cum for me, baby. Now."

Tightening myself around him one last time and pushing my ass back into him, I practically scream as my release tears through me, egged on by the sound of Azriel's deep, throaty moan as his climax found him, filling me with his own warmth, our arousal dripping in between my legs, dripping down the side of my thighs.

Riding out our highs together, our moans gradually become smaller, quieter before we both collapse, Azriel on his back beside me, wings tucked in, where I just flop down onto my stomach, panting heavily.

"Woah" I breathe, "Well worth the wait"

"Without question" Azriel giggles - giggles.

I flip onto my back, wincing a little at the pain between my legs, "Did you just giggle?"

"You're surprised?" Azriel smiles and I had never seen him so light and...happy. Euphoric, even.

"Pleasantly so" I smile softly, "It's beautiful to see you so happy"

Azriel's face falls a little, as if my saying so reminded him of the sadness and self-loathing he had abandoned for a moment. I was sorry to have reminded him.

"One things for sure..." Azriel smirks, "That was most definitely fun"

"Oh, shut the fuck up"

Masterlist

241 notes · View notes

acourtofbookishdreams · 3 years

Photo

187K notes · View notes

acourtofbookishdreams · 3 years

Photo

I wish to find a love as pure and beautiful as Feyre and Rhysands’, one worthy of a fan fiction and while I’m at it...I’d love a nice body too

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

12M notes · View notes

acourtofbookishdreams · 3 years

Text

Azriel ~ Beautiful*

Azriel x Reader

* = NSFW. EXPLICIT CONTENT.

Summary: An imagine where you and Azriel find yourselves in the same inn that Rhys and Feyre inhabited 100 years earlier. Hidden feelings and declarations may be made.

Warning: light-ish smut, mention of scars and mental struggles/mental health incl. feelings of self-loathing, being worthless and not good enough, being undeserving of love. Please consider your decision to read this if you are experiencing these feelings.

You are loved. I love you.

Word Count: 3537

I shivered throughly in the cold, teeth chattering lightly from behind my frozen lips. Feyre wasn't kidding when she'd told us this inn was like an ice box - even to the thick skin of the High Fae.

The order from our esteemed High Lady had led to the necessary overnight stay in the same inn she and Rhys had stayed about a century ago. Feyre and I had become fast friends after the war with Hybern, after the Court of Nightmares had been allowed restricted entry into Velaris as part of Keir's Darkbringers being...loaned to them.

Velaris was everything I had wanted, everything I had dreamed of. Like Mor, I was a dreamer born into the Court of Nightmares and my kindred heart had spoken to everyone in the inner circle - it hadn’t taken long before I became yet another number.

"Are you alright?" Azriel's low, deep voice curled around me, another shiver eliciting from me as he closed the door to the room behind us with a soft click.

"Just...cold" I sigh, "Feyre wasn't kidding."

Azriel chuckled softly - so softly the sound escaped and vanished into the mist of warm breath it elicited from his mouth.

Turning to face the room, I realised there wasn't much in it - just grey floorboards, grey walls and...one bed.

Feyre.

I growled internally, finally coming to the conclusion that this entire trip was most likely merely nothing more than another of her matchmaking schemes she had become known for over the years.

Feyre Cursebreaker, more like Feyre Matchmaker.

It was no secret that Azriel and I had danced over our attraction for each other ever since we'd met.

It was a source of relief for the entire Circle - most notably, Mor, whom with Azriel's attention somewhat divided from her, had finally come out to us all about 50 years ago, the final nail in the coffin of Azriel's pining.

The relief of the entire Court was palpable when those longing glances towards Mor, the awkward tension, Cassian's odd scapegoat role all vanished - but was almost immediately followed with trepidation as those wandering looks turned to me instead.

In some ways, I could understand their frustration, it was so clear how we felt for each other - but we'd never acted on it, never said it. It was an unspoken acknowledgement that went, for the most part...unacknowledged.

For whatever reason - whether it be my own trauma, my own issues, or the fact he had spent over 500 years pining for the same woman...we-I just wasn't ready to admit it, to say it, to..act on it.

No doubt why Feyre was subtly pulling the strings behind the scenes to make it happen.

"I did request a second bed" Azriel says, "But the innkeeper said they didn't have one and..."

"It wouldn't fit" I shake my head, finishing his sentence, "Not in this shoebox, no."

Azriel nodded in agreement, head ducking just a little lower, "I will sleep on the floor."

"You will do no such thing" I scoff, prancing toward the bed and slumping onto it, patting the empty space beside me, "We've been friends for 100 years, Azriel, I'm sure we can share a bed."

"Alright" Azriel agrees tentatively, a ghost of a smile flickering upon his sensual lips...I tear my gaze away from those lips and instead meet his eyes as he flares his wings a little, allowing them the stretch before he would undoubtedly need to tuck them in for the rest of the night to avoid them getting caught on the snags in the floorboards.

Halfway to the bed, he stops and begins to disarm himself, beginning with his Siphoned gauntlets, the weapons adorning his legs and arms and any spare space a blade could fit. Truth-Teller, however, remained sheathed at his side.

As he prepared himself for bed, I lay down on the mattress, sliding back towards where the slant in the roof was, tucking myself under the sheets and curling into a ball on my side, facing him - allowing him the side with more room, more space to stretch those wings out.

Noticing my courtesy, he smiles softly in thanks. I duck my head in a silent 'you're welcome.'

It had always been like that with us - able to communicate with smiles and nods and gestures, rarely needing to rely on words.

Of course, Feyre liked to see that as a potential mating bond but that...that was, at this point, a slim possibility. The only thing that could potentially unveil it would be...

I growl softly, this time outwardly, at the realisation. Azriel stops mid way from sliding into the bed, shooting a curious and concerned look at me. I shake my head, confirming its not him I'm growling at, and he continues his descent into the bed, wings flaring out and behind him.

Having sex.

That was the only thing that could possibly reveal a mating bond between us and our position now, in the same bed, the same inn that Feyre had-

Fucking Feyre.

Another low growl slips from me and this time, gestures weren't enough for Azriel as he said, "What's wrong?"

This time I didn't dodge the question, "Feyre. And her incessant meddling."

Another soft smile from Azriel, "You would think she'd get bored of it."

"Oh, I doubt it." I scoff, "Not until every one of us is paired up and as happy as she is."

The statement seemed to make Azriel slightly uncomfortable - perhaps too close to the confession neither of us had made or would make...maybe ever.

I let the room fall into a comfortable quiet and end up finding myself...staring at him. His eyes, more specifically. Almost identical to Cassian's, but where Cass’s fire brightened them, flaring like a living ember amongst the brown and green and yellows of his golden hazel eyes, Azriel's was...like a living golden flame made ice.

The brightness, the colour was all there but amongst the multi-hued tones of hazel, there were flickers of ice blue so infinitesimal I hadn't even noticed them until now, where I was so close, so wholly focused on nothing but those hazel depths...

A soft, almost silent gasp elicited from me as I realised that as I stared at him - into him, drinking in the colours and hues and shades of his eyes...he was also doing the same to me. The sudden sound, too, brought him out of it and his gaze dropped from my eyes - not wholly away from me, never that, but just...focused less on my eyes and more on my entire face, the way a friend would usually look at another while talking.

My brows creased a bit, the slightest of frowns - why did we bother with this dance? With denying what we so clearly felt?

To distract myself from ruminating too much more on those thoughts or from Azriel requesting to know them, I uncurled myself from my little ball, stretching my arms before me, reaching for Azriel's forearm.

He slid his arm back slightly, hesitating and wary, the scars upon them bleached a stark white, setting them shimmering as if they reflected that light. I paused my own movements, again meeting his eyes, my gaze questioning, beseeching...requesting. With a small tremor of his hand, he extended it towards me, palm down, right above my own extended hand. An offering.

I took his hand in mine, so warm despite the ice in his eyes, the ice in his shadows I could feel emanating from behind me, encasing the rest of the room in darkness. If anyone were to walk in, they'd see nothing but black despite the power of the full moon's light.

With my other hand, I brushed softly over those harsh scars, the little light illuminating the space we lay casting them an even paler shade, so stark against his tanned skin. A harsh intake of breath again paused me in my movements - well, it was harsh for Azriel. For anyone else it was barely a gasp but for the silent, stalwart spymaster...it was a loud sound.

Meeting his eyes, another question within them, I wait for his answering gaze, the permission to continue. A barely perceptible nod and I continued my exploration of those scars. Cold - colder than the rest of his skin, shimmering with an iridescent light, and smooth and silky compared to his palm, covered in calluses from weapon wielding.

Before I can make myself reconsider, I make the boldest move I'd ever made with him - bending my head before those scars with a reverent gentleness, I brushed my lips across the top of his hand in a soft, light kiss, the silky-smoothness of his scars like a gentle, cool caress.

"Beautiful" I whisper into the darkness, raising my head to meet his gaze once again.

Raw, undiluted emotion swam within them - so at odds against the cold set of his face, the mask he never let slip - in front of me, in front of Mor, in front of Rhys. Nobody.

A glimmer of silver traced the line of his eye - tears. Tears he wouldn't shed, I knew that, but the sight of them there...it broke me. So did the doubt tinged with disgust.

"They're beautiful" I enunciated again, forcing him to hear the words, the truth behind them.

Azriel closed his eyes, hand tightening around mine. I squeezed back and his wings flared in the shadow-kissed dark. I could have sworn they also shuddered delicately.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the words I was about to speak. The declaration I was finally going to make.

There would be no more skirting around the feelings we both knew I felt...that he felt.

"Azriel, I-" I swallow loudly, forcing the nerves to abate - even if for just a moment, "I-"

"Don't say it," his words were a broken plea, a wrought and destroyed thing, "Please, don't say it."

"Why" I breathed, not quite a question, my brows furrowing with hurt - maybe he didn't feel how I thought he did.

"I'm not worthy of it. I'm a bastard born...nothing" His voice...it destroyed me, wrecked me, shattered me with the pain it portrayed, the full scope of how worthless he felt.

I wished he had just told me he didn’t feel the same. That he just didn’t want to ruin a friendship so personal to him. Or even that he just blatantly wasn’t interested.

Anything but this...self-loathing.

That mask, the one of cold indifference, of calculating calm...it slipped and - faltered completely. That one form of protection he put out to the world, his way of protecting his very soul, now disappeared before me - only for me, perhaps even only now, for this one moment of complete and total vulnerability.

The emotion from his eyes now leaked into every feature of his face, bowing his eyebrows toward his nose in a deep, self-loathing frown, his mouth downturned, his throat bobbing and those tears...one indeed slipped from his eye.

I released one of his hands from my touch, guiding that now free hand to wipe the tear from his cheek, the silvery wetness of it clinging to my finger.

I studied it, the glistening moisture of it that shimmered like suppressed stars on my finger. As beautiful as the rest of him. Perhaps pathetic to think about a tear as such, but it was almost impossible for me to see anything that related to Azriel and not think it a thing of beauty.

When my gaze unfocused from that tear, I went to meet his eyes again only to see his shadows were ensconcing him. He was almost completely invisible, his wings nothing more than blackness. Disappearing before my eyes.

I couldn’t beat it.

"No" I breathe, this time grabbing both of his hands, clutching them to my chest, his scars resting upon my collarbone. I slid myself closer, so close that I encroached upon his shadows, forcing them either to scatter or to envelop me too.

A pause in the shadows movement - considering. With a shuddering breath, I whispered, "Don't hide from me. Never hide - not from me. Please."

Suddenly, the shadows surged forward, swallowing us both in their darkness, the moon's light disappearing as the solid warmth of Azriel's body chased away the endless cold of them.

His shadows made seeing him impossible and, for a moment, I thought maybe he knew - they knew - what I was about to say next, that he could only stomach hearing me out, allowing me to say my piece if he didn't have to see the sincerity upon my face...allowing me to see the emotion on his.

"You are worthy" I said, my voice a soft and distraught mess, "By the Mother, Azriel, you are so worthy. You are beautiful and strong and courageous and loyal and I...I love you."

The shadows stopped their writhing, turning the once roiling darkness into a solid blanket coating us.

"You love me?"

And Mother help me, the uncertainty, the surprise and shock in those words...it fractured me even more.

"Let me see you" I begged. I would not tell him these things with those shadows hiding him from my sight any longer. The shadows stayed. "Azriel, please."

My wrecked plea was the shadows undoing, his undoing, and they floated back, drifting on that phantom wind to again cover the space between his wings and the door, revealing all of him to me.

"Yes" I whispered, "I do love you. I have loved you for a long while...but you already knew that. We both did."

The vulnerability seemed to overwhelm him and again those shadows seemed to subconsciously creep closer. Releasing his scarred and beautiful hands from my chest, I let them drop to the bed and slid myself into the last pocket of space between our bodies, my arms sliding between the spaces either side of his face to link around his neck, to hold me unbreakably to him.

"No" I growled, the first harsh words I'd spoken this night, "No more hiding. If your shadows come to claim you, they must now do the same to me."

He knew I didn't mean the literal shadows behind him, around him - it was the shadows within him I spoke of.

The fear and pain and self-hate that plagued his every thought, that stopped him from ever pursuing Mor, from pursuing me. No longer would they tell him he didn't deserve what he wanted, what he desired.

Never again.

It took me a moment to realise he'd restrained the shadows. I met his eyes, to see the emotion there, to realise neither of us had spoken in a while.

"I..." His voice hitched, his breathing uneven and I watched the internal battle behind his eyes of what I said and he felt and what his mental scars and trauma told him he deserved, "I...have always loved you."

The last four words rushed out like an avalanche, in one smooth motion, encompassed on one breath.

My eyebrows twitched inward, a momentary frown as I fought back the tears that threatened to spill. Instead, I beamed at him, the light radiating from it rivalling the moonlight's glare behind me.

"You're beautiful" Azriel whispered in wonder, his attention fixed on that beaming smile - only for him, "So beautiful."

"Stealing my words now, are you?" I smirk, bringing in some much needed humour to cut the tension of our confessions, the pain and relief that mingled there, "Have you none of your own?"

Azriel's face contorted into a mask I knew meant trouble, "I don't need to resort to words"

My toes curled at the possession in his tone, the seductive and sultry promise.

Scenting the change in me, as quickly as the atmosphere of the room was now changing, he smirked, "Not here.”

I pouted and he let out a low snarl, his own hands sliding around my waist to pull me ever closer, flush to his body, legs tangling with mine. I tilted my head upward, exposing the column of my throat in an effort to better meet his eyes with our changed position...and in a silent request.

"Stop that" he growled, the pout still pasted to my face.

"Stop what?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes slightly - and having to clamp down on the laugh that threatened to burst from me at the action.

"Everything" Azriel responded cryptically, "Stop pouting that damn lip, for starters."

I sucked in a breath, habitually pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and biting softly on it.

That was it.

Azriel swooped upon me, pulling that lip from the cage of my teeth to capture it with his, kissing me possessively as he bit down on my bottom lip himself.

I hitched a leg over his waist, the inside of my knee nocking itself into the slight dip of his torso. It felt so natural - fit so perfectly. Azriel released a hand from my waist to hike that leg higher, to pull the rest of my body into the space it left open.

Releasing my lips, he bowed his forehead to touch mine, sighing softly, "I will not fuck you here, Y/N."

I whimpered softly and felt the evidence of what that sound did to him upon my stomach. My breathing became difficult, each inhale heavier and deeper than the last.

"Your mouth says no" I chuckled, pushing my chest closer to him, feeling the hardness of him grow in response to the added pressure, "But your body..."

"I have no doubt your own body is begging for it" Azriel cut in, the lust roughening his voice into a serrated edge, "I have no doubt what evidence I'd find between your legs"

Indeed.

My toes curled, my thigh constricting across his body with the same pressure I would apply if my thighs were together...but the prick held tight to my leg, stopping me from withdrawing it and providing the much needed pressure I now craved.

"I will not fuck you here." He repeated, his head bending to brush his silken lips along the exposed column of my throat, trailing upward along the scope of it to the bottom of my ear where they pressed softly to my earlobe.

I shuddered gently against him and inhaled deeply. He was playing dirty...well, so could I.

Unlocking my fingers from each other, I extended a single hand towards that gauzy membrane, catching his eyes with mine so I could watch what it did to him as I brushed a finger along the inside of his wing, the feeling shockingly similar to his scars.

He flinched and hissed, his breath gusting into the shell of my ear as the hands around my waist and thigh tightened, the length of him hardening even more against my stomach. His eyes were set ablaze - not the simmering ember of Cassian's but an icy fire - a cold so harsh it burned.

"Forgive me for wanting what I want" I whispered into his own ear, interlacing my fingers again as his wings shivered and then settled, "It has been a century."

"A century?" Gone was the lust from his voice - though he still remained hard against me, that icy flame still smouldering, "You haven't..."

I blushed at the unfinished question.

No, actually, I hadn't been with another male since I'd met Azriel. I'd had opportunities, people who were interested but...I could never bring myself to do it.

No matter how many times Azriel took a female home.

"But I-" That guilt and self-loathing encroached upon his expression again and I shook my head emphatically.

Even Feyre Matchmaker had tried to convince me to take the edge off but despite having a need for touch, for taste, for contact - it was all for him. I refused to settle for any less. Even if that meant becoming a eunuch for the rest of my life.

"It doesn't matter" I assured him, "We had no obligations, no promises."

At that, he had no argument, no rebuttal. The guilt, however, still shone there, "I never knew how...deep your feelings went."

"You mean to tell me you don't feel as strongly?"

"No, of course not" Azriel rushed and I restrained a giggle, "I do feel for you - so deeply. Perhaps I took those females to bed in order to deny what I felt. Because I feel for you so much - so much so I feared maybe we-"

"Maybe we were mates?"

He nodded once.

“Feared?” I question, peering up at him, “Why feared?”

“Because I am unworthy.”

“Azriel-”

“It will take time, Y/N, before that feeling abates.”

I knew that. Deep down, I knew it.

"Well, from what Feyre tells me the only way we can find out if we’re mates at this point is to..."

"I will not fuck you here" Azriel again said but there was no teasing, no seduction - just blatant fact, "When I fuck you, Y/N, I don't want any kind of audience. Just you and me."

The sultriness had once again creeped into his voice and I unsuccessfully tried to huff in disappointment...it just came out as a quivering breath.

"Sleep now" Azriel whispered, releasing my leg at long last in favour of stroking my hair, "You're exhausted."

"Ha" I let out a breathy chuckle, "You think I could even attempt to fall asleep after all that?"

"Try" he smiled, "After all, the sooner tomorrow comes...the sooner you do."

I breathed in shakily, toes again curling as I felt his words reverberate through my core, the heat there building.

I had never seen Azriel like this. So cocky and confident and seducitve, so...dominating.

"Right. Sleeping now." I attempted to joke, closing my eyes suddenly.

"Wait" Azriel whispered and I opened my eyes again at the soft command.

He moved forward, so slowly, and gently pressed his lips to mine. A soft, gentle kiss - the one we would have had after our heartfelt declarations had lust not gotten the better of us.

The heat in my core settled, instead sending a rushing wave of euphoria and light and happiness, soothing me until I...indeed did feel sleepy.

"Ass" I grumbled, as my eyelids slid closed again, this time heavier.

"I told you, you were exhausted" he chuckled, pressing another light kiss to my brow before a different kind of darkness - separate from his shadows pulled me under.

Masterlist

384 notes · View notes