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Fire is just pain-flavoured air. 
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Skeletons are technically insects
because they have their bones on the outside. 
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Just overheard one of my colleques calling Covid-19 the “First Rider”. And since I do work in hell, this peaked my interest, so I asked him, what he meant by that. 
Looks like the second rider, “War”, will follow next January from America, but whether “Famine” of “Death” should be next and where they will enter the mortal realm is still a matter of debate among the management demons. The seem to be unsure, which one should emerge in Africa, since both of them would further the stereotype, but excluding an entire continent would be unacceptable as well. No one in hell wants to be accused of racism. They think about using Hitler as a scapegoat again, but last time they allowed him into management in 2014, he caused that whole uprising of European patriotism. So... there’s that. Will keep you updated. 
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Sooo... appearantly one gets the Prometheus treatment when spreading “company secrets” from hell. Only, instead of the Caucasus mountains I was chained to a fat sweaty white dude and instead of an eagle they sent some kind of mutated hell vulture to eat my liver. 
This is infuriating. An eagle and a vulture are not equal in status and deeper meaning. I demand to be consumed by a higher ranking bird of prey with a noble reputation. 
Also, anatomy studies like these sometimes reveal details about myself I didn’t even know myself. Like... that I have living, twitching eyeballs with bright blue irisses (irisi?) inside my liver. Also that they grow back after being picked apart. Which is not a pretty view. Makes me wonder what else changed when I slipped in that one dead gods brain fluid. 
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Every day when I have to come into work, that Off-Switch to the strong nuclear force looks mightily tempting. 
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Shoutout to the one primordial being out there, that thought erazing all of its memories and taking human shape was a “great learning experience”. You have been missing for quite a while now. I know being the only sentient thing among billions of NPCs is kinda fun, if you are into that sort of thing, but you really need to come back. Mainly because we miss you, but also because fate is kinda fucked right now and reality is hanging from a thread. Also, N’gri’ni’trgr keeps stealing six-dimensional pencils from your desk, because he keeps breaking his own and thinks you aren’t coming back anytime soon. We got a job to do here, and if you’re not coming volutarily, we might have to hunt down your physical form. And you know how much I hate to see you suffer, so please... please come back. We really need your help. As I said, the world is kinda fucked because you aren’t here. 
And make sure to re-acquire some programming skills on your way back out. We have a universe to debug. 
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A sharks upper and lower jaws are the only bodyparts of a shark that are made of bone. And they can both be moved independantly from the cartilage skull. So instead of closing their jaws by moving the lower jaws upwards, they fixate their prey by slamming their upper jaws down.   
This is now something you know. 
And just remember, kids, nothing in a story is explained without furthering the plot in any way. 
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"I don’t wanna do this in front of people, it’s embarrassing and they are gonna stare at me” is only an argument if you don’t have the courage to stare back menacingly and/or have to expect a violent response. In that case, do the thing, but be sure to carry a convenient blunt object. Don’t murder people of course, but present it in any case of loud accusations. Normies may hate the challenges to the norm, which you incorporate, but their sense of self preservation is strong. 
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If you see any portals to hell pop up in your area, remember to stay calm, seek shelter and wait until the National Demon Response Agency (NDRA) will be founded in 2027. 
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Right now there is a huge liquor party down in hell and I managed to get my hands on an unsupervised planning calender of one of the eldritch beings. Found out some minor events in the previous years seemed to be test runs. Appearantly the whole schedule for 2020 is summarized with “world building”. 
So this is just a reminder for all you kids out there to know your limit when it comes to alcohol and to respect that limit. Your drunk shittalking is an absolute nuisance to everyone around and so is scraping your drooling corpse out of the wreckage of your vehicle, just because you thought drunk driving was cool. Also I will steal your shit once you black out. So have some respect.
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Dying is such a wild concept to me. Like... I know I haven’t existed before my birth... but consciously feeling non-existance returning might be a totally different sensation. 
Don’t know how I feel about this yet. Kinda considering to not do that for another millenium...
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Dear viewers, may I have a moment or two to direct your attention to a truely heroic being we all might have to thank? I would like to honour a species long wiped from the earth by this uncaring universe, this species being Tiktaalik roseae. Thanks to this brave species we live in a world full of light and hope. 
This extraordanary being dared to leave it’s natural habitat, the shallow ponds along the laurentian rivers to pioneer into a new realm. A hellscape seemingly uninhabitable for a vertebrate. Like humans firing their fragile bodies into the cold and emptiness of space, Tiktaalik dragged its weak and water-adapted body on the shores of a primordial earth. Into an atmosphere he could barely breath. Into a world dominated by spiders and flying insects. An enemy his decendants would face for millions of years. Until they would finally subjugate their invertebrate rivals and claim the land as their own. 
Yet his strength did not come from selfless ideals, from a hopeful vision of the future or any desire for glory. Tiktaalik claimed the land out of nothing but fear and the hope for a better life. His river was a river of death, his habitat a place of danger. Predators hunted his kind, sharks and larger, armoured fish. Pain and fear dominated it’s entire life. His ascent onto land was no victory march, it was a final act of courage to escape his tormentors, a glorious escape from the darkness.  
And thanks to our sires courage we today walk this earth as kings and queens of all creation. 
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Don’t know who might need this in the coming time, but remember: Firearms can run out of ammo and zombies travel in large hordes. 
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The traditional four elements are actually not elements at all. Water consists of hydrogen and oxygen, Air is mostly nitrogen and oxygen, but with a bunch of other gases as well. Earth is a wild mixture of elements, foremost oxygen and silicium and fire is just the energized gas evaporating from the fuel, which is reacting with oxygen and partially turning into ionized gas or even plasma.  So not only are all these elements not elements, they are all the same element.  They do however represent the four states of matter: solid, liquid, gas and plasma.  
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Just had a conversation with the Anti-God yesterday. She didn’t tell me what she had in mind for october, but she did send me a link to a wikipedia article about whip spiders (Amblypygi, whatever that means). I’ll make sure to keep you guys updated once I know more. 
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Y’all think English is a broken language, but none of you consider the brokenness it came from: Latin The prediction the tragic hero Phyrros received from the Oracle of Delphi when he asked whether or not to invade Rome, could be translated as both: “You will defeat Rome, you will return and never die in battle” and “Rome will defeat you, you will never return and die in battle”. 
At least our weird grammar didn’t lead us into a futile war. Yet. 
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