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aecs-multy · 1 year

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I’m tired of the escalation and growing frequency of this fandom trend where people believe that any unique loyalty that Merlin earns from, say, Gwaine or Lancelot, is somehow an offense to Arthur, or taking from him the loyalty and companionship he is ~entitled~ to. He is not actually entitled to anyone’s friendship because he might be “lonely” or jealous or what-have-you.

Posts like this also stress that Arthur would be put out by his knights choosing Merlin over him in the case of a magic reveal, which I find ridiculous since they’ve lowered the stakes from Arthur is committing a genocide against Merlin’s people down to… Arthur will be sad if their companions pick Merlin over him. Regardless, Merlin earned the friendship and loyalty of these people through his own kindness and understanding. Arthur is not entitled to the same just because it feels ~unfair~ that Merlin might have more friends.

More recently, I found a post that, intentionally or not, specifically downplays Gwaine’s friendship to Merlin in favor of casting his loyalty to Arthur as greater than it is in reality. I understand that it’s easy to see a post like that and, without knowing the proper context, conclude that it must be accurate, but most posts on here are working backwards through confirmation bias to prove a point, and therefore will disregard any context that does not fit the argument being made.

Because people believe that the king is entitled to an equal amount of love from Gwaine as his servant is (I wonder what subconscious bias that idea comes from…), they will look at the series through whichever lens fits their objective. But this is the crux of the argument: no one is entitled to anyone else’s feelings, in friendship or romance or sex or duty or any other relationship type.

In truth, Gwaine gains a begrudging respect for Arthur towards the climax of his introductory episode, not a friendship. While he considers Arthur to be a “brat,” he recognizes that Arthur does not apparently base a person’s worth on their background. By Gwaine’s standards, this makes him an exception among nobles.

Despite this, he does not become close with Arthur as far as canon proves, and he still explicitly regards Merlin above Arthur, both in words and in actions, consistently so even after he is knighted. Again, his sense of duty to Arthur does not automatically make them friends, nor does it necessarily conflict with his loyalty to Merlin. Most importantly, there is nothing wrong with Gwaine placing Merlin above Arthur.

Overall, Gwaine does have a sense of loyalty towards Arthur. Is he shown to actually be friends with him, though? In short, no. Although Gwaine already shows four episodes prior to the events of 3x08 that he is willing to die to defend Arthur based on his sense of morality, he explicitly does not consider Arthur a friend (to Merlin: “You’re the only friend I’ve got.”). Rather, he feels duty-bound because he believes that Arthur is decent (for a noble) and actually worthy of his title. In truth, Gwaine is closer to Gwen than he is to Arthur, despite their shaky start.

Arthur is someone who Gwaine has deemed good enough for his position as a leader, but it is Merlin who he is utmost loyal to. This is imperative to understanding Gwaine as a character, and it is ultimately an overarching motif that defines who he is—someone who defies classist expectations, who sticks to his own sense of right vs. wrong, and who is deeply loyal to those who he believes deserve that loyalty. But there is no such thing as “deserving” someone’s love. Gwaine offers that to Merlin freely, and it’s never a conscious choice to feel that way. Arthur cannot be “owed” the same. Gwaine feeling duty-bound to Arthur does not mean that they have the same emotional connection or depth between them that Merlin and Gwaine have. It doesn’t have to mean that.

Arthur is not entitled to Gwaine’s friendship or loyalty, and it would not make sense for Gwaine to place Arthur above Merlin to begin with, for all of the aforementioned reasons and more. If Gwaine chose Merlin over Arthur in the case of a magic reveal, this would not be “unfair” to Arthur, and it wouldn’t matter if it made Arthur feel “lonely,” because in this scenario, Gwaine is doing what he believes is right, rather than standing by Arthur based on a sense of duty—one that is dependent on his belief that Arthur judges people based on their actions instead of their birth circumstances. And if Gwaine was forced to choose between Merlin and Arthur, at the end of the day, the answer to that is fairly obvious:

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aecs-multy · 1 year

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Secrets are (not) meant to be kept secret

Summary:

He acted by instinct. He was already talking in the dragon tongue before he had time to think things through. The only thing Merlin knew was that one moment a wyvern was attacking Gwaine and the next the creature was scurrying away in the direction it had come as Merlin had commanded.

He could already see the Triple Goddess welcoming him into the afterlife.

Merlin just wanted to get as far as possible from the ruined fortress. He had been on edge since they had dismounted their horses, his magic telling him that something was dangerous here. But of course Arthur wouldn't listen, instead making fun of Merlin and his 'funny feelings' even after all the times he had proved himself right.

The sun hadn't already set, but it wouldn't be long before the darkness surrounded them. Merlin resigned himself and kept alert as they entered the ruins they had decided to camp on for the night. Lancelot walked by his side, sword at the ready as he knew what it meant when Merlin was on edge, and gave him an apologetic smile with a shrug of his shoulders. Merlin was thankful that at least someone believed him, although by the worried looks that Gwaine was constantly shooting around, Lancelot may not be the only one that had listened to him. The rest of the knights walked without much care, only a hand on the hilt of their swords just in case. It wasn't long before they found a room big enough for all of them to rest comfortably, and Merlin went to get something to burn a fire for the night.

"Have you found the monster that lived in the ruins yet, Merlin?" Arthur asked when Merlin returned. The rest of the knights chuckled at their banter, everyone already settled while Merlin started lighting the fire.

"For a second I thought I had found a troll, but don't worry, sire, it was just you," Merlin said with a smirk, even if the feeling of danger wouldn't disappear from the back of his mind.

Gwaine's chortle sounded the loudest through the room at the astonished look on the king's face, but everyone's laugh stoped the moment a loud screech was heard in the distance, and Leon asked, "What was that?"

The six knights moved fast as they got to their feet, unseating their swords and watching the entrance the sound had come from.

"That was a pheasant," Gwaine said, a nervous smile on his face as he glanced at Merlin before looking back at the entrance.

He almost wanted to laugh at the memory of their time in the perilous lands, but the wyvern that entered the room stopped him from reminiscing of the past. Soon, other two followed the first one, screeching and groaning while they cautiously approached their group.

The odds were in their favor, but Merlin knew better than to let his guard down around the winged creatures. With a roar of one of the wyverns, the battle begun, but it wasn't until Percival's sword pierced the last one that the warlock allowed himself to relax. No one seemed to be dangerously injured, so Merlin let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, that wasn't that hard, was it?" Gwaine said, moving his head to get his hair out of his face and turning to grin at Merlin. "They just were really big pheasants." Despite his careless demeanor, he was panting from the effort of fighting the creatures.

Merlin was about to reply when he saw a fourth wyvern coming out of the shadows of the other entrance, behind Gwaine, and his face paled. As the wyvern threw himself at the knight, Merlin knew that Gwaine wouldn't be able to react in time, to defend himself against an attack from his blind spot.

He acted by instinct. He was already talking in the dragon tongue before he had time to think things through, and the words came to him like second nature. The only thing Merlin knew was that one moment a wyvern was attacking Gwaine and the next the creature was scurrying away in the direction it had come, as Merlin had commanded.

No one said anything, and only the sound of the cracking fire disturbed the silence. Merlin's hands started trembling as terror took hold of him when he realized what he had just done, but most importantly, in front of whom.

"I-" he tried to say, but his throat was closed and not another word would come out. I messed up, he thought. The trembling of his hands started to spread throughout his body with every beat of his heart. He looked around him, each knight with a different emotion on their face. Arthur was still looking at the space the wyvern had been a moment before.

Merlin wanted to talk, to say something, but the words were stuck. With every second of silence the panic he felt only increased. "I'm- I- I'm sorry," Merlin managed to get out after several tries.

"Who are you?" Arthur asked, his tone so soft he wouldn't have heard it if it weren't for the loud silence. He was finally looking at Merlin, and it pained him to see the look on Arthur's face, as if he were watching someone else and not his best friend who had accompanied him to battle countless times.

"Merlin?" It was Gwaine's turn to talk when Merlin didn't answer the king's question, but the knight didn't look at him with disgust or uneasiness. He saw only worry in his features and a caution usually reserved for frightened animals, which he supposed wasn't very far from the truth as his shaking continued.

He didn't know how to answer Arthur. He was the Merlin Arthur knew, but he was also Emrys and the Once and Future King's other half. He was magic and a Dragonlord. But Arthur only knew one of those because the rest were a secret he had kept to himself for years now. Instead, he said softly, "I have magic."

Arthur made a chocked noise that took hold of Merlin's heart and squeezed until it felt like it was breaking apart.

Merlin startled when a hand landed gently on his shoulder, so focused on Arthur that he hadn't noticed Lancelot coming to his side. "I think we should talk," Lancelot said, giving Merlin's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"You knew," Arthur breathed out. It wasn't a question, but a statement, betrayal and pain clear in his voice as his face started to turn red with anger.

Merlin's gaze caught Gwaine's, and his reaction to Lancelot's interference was similar to Arthur's, the same betrayal and pain, but instead of anger he found a sea of sadness on his brown eyes.

"I did. I have known since the day we defeated the griffin," Lancelot admitted, voice loud and clear where Merlin's had been a mere whisper. "He didn't tell me, and if I had found out today like the rest of you, I wouldn't blame him, because it's a secret that could cost him everything. However, he risked everything when we fought the griffin and used his magic, and thanks to that I survived back then, the same way it's only because of Merlin that Gwaine is still with us now."

Merlin felt his vision turn blurry with unshed tears, but he forced them away, as he tried to push through the panic. Lancelot was trying to help him and he couldn't break down now, not when Lancelot would be accused of treason along with him if things went wrong. "I only use it for you, Arthur. For Camelot," Merlin said, voice slightly less unsure, but still pleading for him to understand.

"You're a sorcerer," Arthur said, spitting the last word with disgust.

"I was born with magic, I didn't chose to," he said in reply.

Their attention was pulled away from each other when Gwaine started to walk towards Merlin. For a second he feared his life would end before he had a chance to explain himself. However, no blade pierced his heart. Instead, two arms encircled his body and a voice whispered next to his ear, "Nothing has changed for me, you're still my truest friend, bog man."

It took his brain a second to realize that, at least, he hadn't lost Gwaine, and that is all it took for the tears he had fought so hard to contain to spill out as he returned the embrace.

"Gwaine!" Arthur's voice sounded disbelieving, and Merlin couldn't blame him because he hadn't expected someone to welcome him with open arms after they discovered their secret either. And yet, Gwaine's arms around him were proof that he still cared about Merlin, even now.

Gwaine pulled away from the embrace, but kept close enough to put an arm around Merlin's shoulders as he stood next to him. "What did you want me to do, princess?" Gwaine said. "If a friend tells you a secret that has him fearing for his life, the knightly thing to do is to support him, isn't it?"

Merlin felt Gwaine's shrug of his shoulder through the arm around him. Arthur's mouth started opening and closing, but when nothing came out of it he groaned in frustration and started pacing while he run his hands through his hair in desperation.

A few minutes passed where no one talked and everyone let Arthur organize his thoughts. Meanwhile, Gwaine kept Merlin close while rubbing his shoulder, something that he felt comforting even if the threat of an axe cutting his neck or burning in the pyre still haunted his thoughts.

"Talk," Arthur finally said when he stopped, jaw clenched and gaze hard.

It was a chance to finally lay it all out in the open, and Merlin did. He told him about his magic and how he was using it before he could even walk. He told him about coming to Camelot, to learn how to control his magic without just following his instinct. He told him about bandits and magic beasts that could only be killed with magic. He told him that magic didn't corrupt, that it was each person that chose how to use it. When he finished with one story, he went on to the next, finally free from the weigh on his shoulders that was his secret.

"-killed Nimueh after he tried to trick me and sacrifice Gaius instead of me-"

"-I freed the dragon, but I didn't know Kilgarrah would-"

"-told me that Balinor was my father and, when he died, I turned into the last Dragonlord-"

"-you from the Sidhe Sofia and his father when they tried to-"

"-tried to heal your father, but Agravaine put a-"

They had all sat down around the fire when Merlin had started talking, and by the time he had finished several hours had passed. The knights had asked questions and listened with an openness that Merlin could have only wished for, nodding from time to time as if the pieces of an incomplete puzzle where finally fitting in and they could at last make sense of it. Neither Gwaine nor Lancelot had moved from his side and they offered words of support when his emotions became too much and he had to stop for a bit.

Through it all, Arthur was quiet. He stared at Merlin with an intensity that made it impossible to look at him for too long, although he noticed how he flinched at certain parts like when he mentioned Balinor's death as well as Freya's.

"How many times?" Arthur asked, and he must have seen the confusion in Merlin's eyes, because then he clarified, "How many times have you saved me or Camelot?"

Merlin opened his mouth, but then frowned and stared the fire. "I don't know. I never counted them. It wasn't about how many times I protected you. It was just about keeping you, and everyone in Camelot, safe, regardless of the number of times I had to do it."

Arthur nodded just once at the answer and the silence returned once again to the room. Everyone seemed to think about what Merlin had been saying, each of them in their own world with pensive looks.

He felt a hand over his and turned to look at Gwaine, who was looking at him with affection and pride, making his heart race once again, but this time not in a bad way.

"No matter what happens, I will always be by your side, magic or not. Besides, I'm already planning some pranks that will need your help," Gwaine said as he bumped their shoulders and interlocked their fingers. Merlin's grin was genuine for the first time in what seemed decades.

It had happened slowly, he realized, but as he spent more time in Camelot and started to have more friends he loved and had to protect, keeping his magic a secret had started to weigh him down more than it ever had before, because he didn't want to lie to the people he cared about.

Now he was finally free of that weight and still had friends by his side no matter what, like Gwaine had said.

"Thank you," Merlin said in response, trying to convey his gratitud with just those two words and rubbing Gwaine's had with his thumb.

When Arthur stood and walked towards Merlin, he was ready for whatever he was going to hear, or at least he thought so.

"Merlin, I..." Arthur stopped talking to let out a deep sigh before getting on one knee and putting one hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I'm sorry you couldn't tell me sooner, or anyone else-"

"Arthur, it's not-"

"Yes, it is my fault, Merlin. And even after hearing you, there is still a voice in my head saying that magic is evil," Arthur said, and Merlin could see how much it hurt him to admit that. "You're my best friend, and it pains me to see how much you've suffered because of me. It's going to take some time until I can silence that voice, but I promise you that no harm will come to you because of who you are as long as I'm the king of Camelot."

"Are you saying...?" Merlin said with a trembling voice, not wanting to get his hopes up, but unable to stop himself from doing so.

"Yes, Merlin, you won't be executed nor banished, and I'm planning on lifting the ban on magic," Arthur said with a roll of his eyes, and Merlin threw himself at his friend to hug him. Surprisingly, Arthur returned his hug, even if just for a few seconds before he pulled apart. "You're such a girl."

When he looked at Lancelot, he had one of the biggest smiles he had ever seen in him. He was lucky to have them as friends.

The other three knights that had refrained from interfering while they talked, walked towards them and congratulated Merlin, giving him a few pats on the shoulder and back.

For the first time in his life, Merlin felt truly happy. Soon, he wouldn't have to hide anymore. He would be able to do magic freely and talk about it without being constantly on alert and hiding who he was. His friends knew what he was and they had accepted it.

"It will take time, though, before we can change the old laws for new ones if we want to avoid chaos," Arthur said, but not even that could spoil his happiness.

"Your father only needed one day to create them, so do it fast, Princess," Gwaine said with a teasing smirk.

"And look the mess he left me," Arthur said waving his hand in Merlin's direction, "a useless manservant that wouldn't be so useless if he could use his magic."

"I don't care about the time it takes," Merlin said with a wet chuckle, trying to stop the now tears of happiness with the sleeve of his blue shirt. "I have waited my whole life. I can wait a bit longer."

"Well then, everyone, lets get some rest and we'll talk more tomorrow," Arthur said, and everyone listened to him.

Merlin wouldn't be able to sleep even if he wanted to with the amount of energy he had in his body, so he chose to watch after their group in case another wyvern or some other creature appeared. He leaned on a wall and hugged his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees while he looked at his friends with a smile that wouldn't disappear anytime soon.

"So, apparently you're the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth." Gwaine said as he sat down next to him.

He didn't reply, just smiled with everything he got. No more holding back.

Gwaine answered with his own grin before running his hand through Merlin's hair, what got him a shove. It felt good to go back to their camaraderie as if nothing had happened.

"I believe I haven't thanked you yet for saving me, oh great Emrys," Gwaine said, and his smile turned genuine, filled with warmth.

"You don't have to, I did it for selfish reasons," Merlin said. Gwaine's acceptance mattered to him in a different way than the other knights', because the way he cared about him was different. He hoped that the words he had said conveyed the meaning of the words he hadn't.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Gwaine said after a bit, expression more serious than before. "Were you worried that I would have turned my back on you?"

Merlin turned to look away from his face, gaze unfocused. "No... well, yes, but it wasn't you I was worried about. Not really," he said with a sigh before glancing at Gwaine out of the corner of his eye to watch his reaction. "Since I was a kid, my mom has constantly warned me about keeping my magic a secret from others, and even when I came to Camelot Gaius always said the same thing as her. It didn't matter who it was, the fear was always there even if I trusted all of you with my life. It was something I couldn't tell anyone, not just you.

"I knew that Morgana had magic and yet I didn't even dare to tell her. It may have been an irrational fear, but it's difficult to forget about something that has been carved deep into your mind, the same way it's difficult for Arthur to forget about his father's warnings about magic, no matter how irrational it may be." Merlin started playing with the hem of his shirt, waiting for Gwaine to speak. He wanted him to understand that it wasn't because he didn't trust the knight.

"I understand, I just... wished that I could have helped you somehow," Gwaine said as he took Merlin's hand in his and interlocked their fingers. "I know that Lance was there for you, but I hate that I wasn't." he admitted in a soft voice. Gwaine's free hand reached up to cup his face and he leaned into the touch subconsciously as his thumb brushed Merlin's cheek.

"From now on, count on me for anything you need, alright? I don't care what it is. Even if you need me to run naked in the forest for some ritual, I'll do it," he said with a chuckle, "I'll do it for you." His words caused Merlin to blush, and Gwaine seemed to be delighted by that.

"Thank you, but I don't think there are any rituals that require someone to run naked in the forest," Merlin said.

"Well, I know of a certain ritual that requires nakedness, from both parts involved," Gwaine said with a wiggle of his eyebrows, and Merlin felt his blush deepen, but then Gwaine's eyes lost their playfulness as he leaned in slowly, giving Merlin a chance to move away. When he didn't, Gwaine's lips soon met his in a kiss that was far too innocent and chaste for it to come from someone as flirtatious as the knight, but it still made Merlin's heart race and a shiver to run down his spine.

"I have wanted to do that for a very long time," Gwaine said when he broke the kiss, resting their foreheads together. "Will you show me? Your magic?"

The question caught him off guard and he leaned back to watch Gwaine's face, making Gwaine's hand fall from his cheek, but he didn't see any hint of doubt or a joke. "You want to see my magic?"

"I want to know everything about you, and that includes your magic," he said with a reassuring squeeze to his hand.

"Okay," Merlin said as he thought about something he could do to impress him, but being careful not to scare him away either. When he saw the sparks from the burning fire in the center of the room, and idea came to his mind. He pulled from his magic as he extended his hand in the direction of the flame and sent it that way with the intent of giving it shape. A small dragon formed from the sparks, flapping its wings experimentally before flying towards the two of them and landing in front of their feet.

Merlin heard the gasp that came out of Gwaine's mouth and when he looked at him he had an awe stricken expression on his face, the corners of his eyes crinkling a bit because of his smile. When he reached to touch the little dragon the creature exploded in a thousand of sparks that floated around them, reflecting on Gwaine's eyes and illuminating the space the two were in.

"Your eyes," Gwaine said in a breathless tone with his mouth slightly ajar, "they're- you're beautiful."

"So are you," Merlin said before leaning in for another kiss, just because he could, and Gwaine seemed to want it too as he reciprocated in kind. This one was less chaste than the first one, but it was still full of affection as Merlin and Gwaine explored with their tongues each others' mouths. When they broke apart they were both panting and Merlin's hand had found its way to the back of Gwaine's head through his hair while Gwaine's was on Merlin's back, pulling them closer together.

"I want to court you. Properly," Gwaine said, "even if I don't know what I'm doing." Gwaine was biting his lip with a kind of nervousness that he had never seen in the knight before.

"You don't need to worry about anything. I will always want you, even if our attempts at courting each other end up in disaster."

"Wait, our attempts?" Gwaine said as a smirk started to grace his lips, the nervousness from a second ago banished from his expression.

"Of course, you didn't think that I would do nothing while you courted me, did you?" Merlin said with a grin.

"Then shall we make a bet and see which of us makes the other fall in love faster?" Gwaine said, a playful touch in his eyes.

"I don't think you should make that bet as you're bound to lose," Merlin said with a cheeky shrug of his shoulders.

"And why would that be?" Gwaine said playing along.

"Because I can make that cheese that tasted of apple pie you once dreamed about..." Merlin said as he gathered all the sparks around them on his outstretched hand and willed them to take the form of a piece of cheese, "with my magic." He felt giddy just by being able of saying something like that out loud without fear and he was almost afraid that he would wake up from at any given moment.

However, he didn't wake up, and, as Gwaine grabbed his face with both hands and joined their mouths in something that was more lips pressed together than a kiss, he could only look at the future with hope as he listened to Gwaine murmur something along the line's of 'luckiest man to ever walk the earth'.

#merlin #merlin bbc #merlin x gwaine #merwaine #magic reveal #merlin's magic reveal #emotional hurt/comfort #happy ending #protective gwaine #protective lancelot #fanfiction #merlin fanfic #gay

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