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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Not a standard post, but my friend needs all the help they can get. I am doing what I can do, but a little help from so many could save their life.
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Had to label the old trash barrels so the collectors would know to take them
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Thanks. I live in fear now. If this ever happens I will actually die.
So I am sitting here playing solitaire on the Linkin Park website, and the computer LOST THE FOUR OF CLUBS! It literally is missing a card!
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There is nowhere it could be hiding! The four of clubs is just not there!
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Apparently, some farmer accidentally moved the French-Belgian border by relocating a big stone that often blocked his path. And now Belgium has to call in a specialist in historical boundaries.
I can imagine this farmer getting in trouble, intercepted along his path by Belgian police. Then he says, "well watch this" and picks up the big stone as everyone watches, moving it to the other side of his path and just going, "bye."
Then, as the police whisper about what to do quieter than the audience can hear, some big guy enters the frame, picks up the stone, yells, "follow me!," and runs into what used to be France. So it is a mad and wild chase scene in which Belgian police try to put the border in front of this farmer so they can catch him.
In a seamless location cut, they end up sprinting through Paris. The farmer is just barely ahead, while this huge guy is still chasing him with the French border. Meanwhile, various French bystanders get punched by the Belgian police who now scream, "you are under Belgian rule by authority of that rock." Then they all scramble to run the other way, as the big guy chases the farmer back through the street. The bystanders are randomly in either France or Belgium at any second, so they just leave.
The Belgian police throw the stone on a truck and chase the farmer down a tunnel. But then the French army blocks their path. Soldiers arrest the driver, but then just dramatically sit on the hood, because the back half of the truck is still in Belgium. Two bored people play chess on top of the stone, but mostly just line up their pieces along each side of the boundary.
Then, a ladder swings down, and the Belgians take the stone into a helicopter. Flying over the city, nobody can catch them. French authorities point and shout, "somebody catch the border!" Belgian police patiently wait, then arrest them for treason once the stone flies past.
Eventually, they land next to Spain, who caught the farmer at their own border. One of the Belgians hollers, "We got France!" All these new Belgians are like, "can they do that?" Everyone starts crying as they dump out their wine and cheese to make room for waffles. Then Macron, the French president, shows up and is all, "Did you just erase my country on the authority of a rock?," Macron asks calmly. And the Belgians are like, "It sounds weird when you say it like that, but yes; the rock let us do it." So Macron slips a hand into his pocket and pulls out a little stone with eyes and a mouth on it and says, "Well Stoney McStoneface says that is dumb, so we are not gonna do that."
One of the Belgians tries to draw on the border stone, but someone takes the marker because you can not Sharpie away international borders. Everyone agrees Macron has the better rock, and they all try to go home, but the French army arrests all the Belgians for actually invading their country. The Belgians are like, "fair," and the farmer slips away when nobody is looking.
...
I think I might have accidentally written a Monty Python sketch.
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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The other day I went to McDonald’s with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like “HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOU” and I was like wow I can’t let this guy outmatch me so I yelled “I’LL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IF I MAY” you know, like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like “CERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEAL INSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIES” and I was so sleep deprived I essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said “HECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIR” and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store “WOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER-MAN” and since purple is the more superior color that’s how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that I’m now the poster child for being social and I’ve only been asked once why I’m not in a relationship yet but I know it’s gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents it’s because whenever I eat in the dining hall I spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where I’m supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and I’ve essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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"Tyler Perry was honored at the Oscars for his humanitarian work.
His rousing speech:
'I refuse to hate someone because they are Mexican, or because they are Black or White or LGBTQ [...] because they are a police officer [...] because they are Asian.'"
This is what I mean. This is what so many do not seem to understand.
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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This is now my most popular post. Not only on Tumblr, but far and away the most widespread thing in any form I have shared, anywhere.
Frankly, I think it is more worthy to go viral than the Linkin Park website losing my four of clubs.
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE Favor The Bold | 6x05
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Why don’t we ban the guns and when people get upset and angry about it we can just send them our thoughts and prayers
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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I made another parody comment of a Linkin Park nature, to an already weird post.
I like doing this. I am clever.
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So I am sitting here playing solitaire on the Linkin Park website, and the computer LOST THE FOUR OF CLUBS! It literally is missing a card!
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There is nowhere it could be hiding! The four of clubs is just not there!
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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So, with all the stuff about the Dr. Seuss books being pulled, I hear the Far Right is already releasing their own line of Seuss-esque books to fight back.
Here is a list:
Marjorie Hears A Jew.
Can-Fish, Cun-Fish, Ted Fish, Cruz Fish.
Oh, The Places You'll Go And Give Everyone COVID!
And To Think That I Sold It On Wall Street.
The Sneeches, And Other Groups To Deport.
If I Drained The Swamp.
Fox With Stocks (In Medical Equipment).
The Lorax Is Fake News.
There's A Market In My Pocket!
My Book About ME (And Why You All Suck)!
Yertle The Turtle, And Other Habitats To Destroy.
I Can Read Congressional Documents With My Eyes Shut!
Horton Hatches An Egg, Then Denies It Health Coverage.
In The People's House (With Guns!).
I Can Threaten 30 Senators Today! And Other Josh Hawley Stories.
And because the Far Left is not to be outdone, they are also producing a line of books.
Those include:
How The Grinch Canceled Christmas.
The Cat In The Culturally-Appropriated Hat.
On Beyond Zebra (Because Anything Even Partly White Is Racist).
A Great Day For Up... -Setting People For The Heck Of It.
Hop On GOP (If No One Else Is Available).
Green Eggs And Ham Are Murder.
If I Ran The Country (Without Voting).
The 500 Attacks Of Oscaio-Cortez.
Charles E. Schumer, Will You Please Go Now!
I Am Not Going To Get Up And Vote Today!
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Ted Cruz is a body with no soul.
A ghost is a soul with no body, and a zombie is a body with no soul.
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Medicine Cat Guide: The Scientific Edition
A few notes before I go into this. First off, my original and personal copy has illustrations, which is why I stoped with descriptions halfway through. If you would like to see what a plant looks like, simply google it.
Second, the language and vocabulary changes throughout the list as I became more and more tired and ready to be done, again, sorry about that. Any words that are outside vocabulary can be easily googled.
Three, if someone knows of more herbs which are beneficial to cats, or could be used in some form, let me know and send me sources and I will add them!
Finally I will be posting a separate post discussing different possible methods which medicine cats could use, such as brewing cold teas or crushing roots and adding them to prey. For now, I hope you all enjoy what I have. Im sorry I couldn’t list all the sources, but the list would have been almost as long as this post.
Herbs by Alphabetical Order
Alfalfa:
- Leaves and unopened flowers can be ingested.
- Reduces inflammation of the joints and issues of rheumatism.
- Known as Alfalfa in North America, and Lucerne in the British Isles.
Astragalus root:
-Crushed and added to prey/Used as poultice on wounds
-Leaves in parallel lines along stems, small oval leaves, multiple types and colors of flower (research base on region or specific species)
-Use as general strengthening herb, particularly for elders which helps prolong lifespan. Has an odd anti-aging property, can sometimes be used to combat tumors and cancer.
-Infection preventative, can be taken during Leafbare to avoid contracting viral infections.
-Enhances immune system, and has anti-inflammatory (brings down fever and swelling) properties.
-Combats stressors to cats bodies (i.e. foreign human made matter like pesticides and other chemicals) and increases body’s resistance to some more mental stressors, including trauma, anxiety, fatigue, and stress.
-Native to China, but introduced into North American Hemisphere and has spread due to ease of growth.
Black Walnut:
- Leaves ingested in small quantities
- Large tree which drops huge nuts in the fall, its leaves on an opposite (one leaf emerges on each side in the same place on the stem)
- Is said to cleanse the body of parasites, including heartworm
- Can be used to stimulate vomiting or diarrhea
- Use cautiously, some medicine cats dont use it at all
-Native to North America
Burdock Root:
- Root can be crushed and added to prey, or the young leaves can be eaten
- A rather tall plant, with purple flowers and prickly burrs, and large heart shaped leaves.
-Generally known to be a herb to increase health and vibrancy of fur and living conditions. Often given to kits to help with growth and elders to cleanse the body of impurities. (Full of vitamins and substances to cleanse kidneys/liver/blood etc)
-Improves gut health (encourages growth of good intestinal bacteria) and can serve as laxative.
-Helps regulate hormones and prevent diabetes
-Native to Europe and Asia, but like many plants has been transplanted to North America successfully as well.
Catnip: -Ingested or used as aroma therapy with crushing dried leaves
-Green triangular, saw-edged leaves, tiny white flowers growing in conical clusters.
-Scent and low levels of ingestion causes a reaction which is similar to many human drugs, leaving cats content, relaxed, and happy, and occasionally causing hallucinations.
-All cats react slightly differently, and in fact some cats become extremely energized instead.
-When ingested in certain quantities can be a sedative, although it rarely results in full sleep.
- Natural to Asia, but widely spread through most of Europe and North America
Cat’s Claw:
- Crushed to powder and added to prey, or soaked in water and drunk or applied directly through a poultice.
-Vine with characteristic thorns shaped like cats claws, bright yellow flowers.
- Improve allergies and breathing struggles
- Diminish swelling and pain for swollen joints and arthritis
- Soothes issues in the whole intestinal system from the stomach to the bowels, speeding recovery from internal infections and wounds.
- Native to peru, two different subspecies were introduced, one to North America and one to Europe.
Cat Thyme:
- Treatment involves eating the leaves of the plant, preferably fresh but dried can work in higher quantity.
- Leaves grow in clusters with larger leaves on the outside and smaller growing leaves on the inside, occasionally their edges are a white or yellow color.
- Less commonly used, but definitely improves digestive system and can be used to purge the stomach and intestines of parasites and worms. -Should not be consumed in large properties, as overdose can lead to issues with nervous system.
- Also a soothing herb which can be used to calm nervous or uncomfortable cats.
- Can be used as an herd to ward off the scent of death from a cat’s corpse.
- Different subspecies grown all over the world, with different scent’s depending on the place.
Calendula:
-Chewed and applied as a poultice or soaked in a small amount of water and applied through moss to wound, or ingested.
- Also called Marigold
- Long leaves which get thicker near the end, bright yellow or orange flowers.
- When used in low concentration in water soaked moss, can be used as an eye wash and ear wash for infections in either area.
- Do NOT use on pregnant cats.
- Has anti-septic properties to prevent infections in wounds and speed the healing.
- Helps stomach ulcers or inner wounds heal faster when ingested.
- Higher percentage of cats who may have slight allergies to the plant.
Chamomile: - Only used in very very small doses, or diluted by soaking in water
- Tall long stems with sprigs of leaves which are similar to short pine needles, white flowers with yellow centers. - Can be used as a sedative or another calming herb.
- Can ease cramping and muscle pain
- Sometimes used as an oil on irritated skin.
- Another herb which is not encouraged for pregnant she-cats as it can cause miscarriage.
- Originally from Europe and Asia, has become widespread in North America
Comphrey:
-Only used externally, as a poultice for minor wounds. When chewing, medicine cats should try their best to swallow as little as possible, or simply mix crushed comphrey with water and moss to create the poultice.
-Big leafy ground plant with long oval leaves and fuchsia bellflowers.
- Is considered a controversial herb as it can cause more harm than good. Use cautiously.
- Contains anti-inflammatory and stimulant properties
-Has been known to cause problems particularly for pregnant queens, and elders.
-Native to Russia and grows primarily in Europe and the British Isles
Cranberry:
-Berries can be ingested
- Trailing bush with small evergreen leaves and pink flowers, but it is the bright red berries that are harvested, not to be mistaken for yew berries.
- A controversial herb in that some medicine cats believe it does not actually have any effect, while others swear by it.
- Improves Urinary health by cleansing bladder of non-beneficial bacteria
- Is said to strengthen the eyes and heart and prevent the common issues of aging tissues by relaxing and revitalizing them.
-Common in North America and British isles and part of Northern Europe.
Dandelion Root:
- Leaves are ingested
- Wide-spread weed with saw edged leaves and flowers which are yellow and turn to white fluff to spread their seeds.
- A relatively safe herb, it is used to ensure health of the urinary tract, gallbladder, and liver.
- Causes cats to urinate more frequently and serves as a minor laxative.
- Helps to energize the digestive system and avoid blockages or discomfort.
- Very common in Europe and North America.
Echinacea:
-Leaves and Flowers ingested
- Bushy leaves near the ground with long tall stalks and purple daisy-like flowers with a brown center.
- Used primarily to treat respiratoy problems, it is a strong defense against Upper Respiratory infections (aka whitecough or greencough) and can promote healing and recovery from them.
- Also used to soothe irritated lungs and other respiratory issues such as from asthma or allergies, and generally alleviates the symptoms of respiratory infections.
- Generally increases immune system function and effectiveness.
- Found only in Eastern and Central North America (sorry if you have British based clans)
Ephedra:
- Stems are ingested
- A type of grass-like plant
- Primarily used to improve breathing conditions, such as for cats with asthma.
- Often used in conjunction with other herbs to provide a comprehensive treatment.
- Also known to relieve pain in the spinal regions or for lame or physically disabled cats.
- This herb can cause concerning side effects and should always be used with great care, and never on any cats with a history of elevated heartbeat or heart problems.
-It is usually safer to use this herb with other herbs and in small doses.
-Two different subspecies are most common, one Asian and one North American
Eyebright:
-Soaked in water and then mixture applied to eyes, leaves can be consumed.
-A weed-like plant with long stems and small fuzzy maple-like leaves, bright white orchid-like flowers.
-Used primarily against eye-infections, helps diminish swelling and itching.
-Can also be ingested as an effective infection fighter
- Generally safe for most cats
- Grows in Britain, Europe, Asia, and North America, particularly in high alpine regions.
Fenugreek Seed:
-Ingesting seeds or occasionally leaves
- Tall spindly stems with three leaf bunches
- Another herb to help deal with respiratory issues
- It also deals with issues that come on from old age, like cholesterol, keeping older cats healthier.
- It has shown some effectiveness in treating cancers and tumors, particularly ones which involve the respiratory system or intestinal system.
- Mostly an Asian Herb, with a few occurrences in southern Europe and South America. May however be found in certain twoleg gardens if backed by worldbuilding.
Feverfew:
- Consume dried leaves and crushed roots, or plants soaked in water.
- Treats nausea and upset stomach.
- Also useful to treat bone disorders and anemia, as well as speed up the healing of broken bones.
- A pain reliever at small doses.
- Do not use on pregnant she-cats
- Two subspecies, one common to North America, the other to Europe and Asia.
Goldenseal:
-Can be ingested, crushed and added to prey, or soaked in water and used on skin or wounds.
- A mostly green leafy plant with large wide ragged leaves in clusters of five. Its flower is small and white grows in the center of the leaf clusters.
- Generally multi-purpose herb which boosts the immune system and works to fight infections.
-Can be used on outside cuts, or can be ingested to ease symptoms of certain infections. Particularly useful to ease problems of diarrhea.
- Also another eye-wash herb, although not as effective as Eyebright.
-Not to be used on pregnant she-cats
- Native to North America
Hawthorn Berry:
- Berries are ingested
- large shrub which can grow to the size of trees, with leaves that are oddly shaped. Their berries are red, and their flowers are a beautiful white with yellow spots in the middle.
-Most commonly used to treat heart conditions in cats, the berries help regulate blood flow (blood pressure), return heart beats to a regular rhythm, and reduces sense of anxiety.
-Generally a well-being herb for cats with heart problems and elders, encouraging the rejuvenation of the heart.
-Largely Native to British Isles, although varieties have been introduced all over the world. Where it is introduced it is considered an invasive species.
Honey:
-Consumed in liquid form, or sucked on in its honeycomb form.
- Soothes burning throats, but mostly used to sweeten herbs to make them more palatable for cranky elders and beligerent kits.
- Considered a rare treat.
- Found anywhere there are bees.
Honeysuckle
-Leaves and flowers and scented and kept in nesting
-Another drug which induces a “high” and can lead to calm and pleased cats.
-Only one specific species causes this effect, and it is native to Asia but has been introduced in North America and has spread widely.
Lavender:
-Flowers and stems put in nests
-A form of aromatherapy, usually brings calm and relaxed feelings to cats
-Its pleasant scent can be used to mask the scent of death or sickness
-Grows around the world
Licorice Root:
-Can be ingested, or chewed and applied as a poultice.
-Long tall stem with oval leaves and lovely purple flowers reminiscent of Lavender
- Used most often to treat kits, as the taste is actually pleasant.
- When ingested, con combat respiratory problems, as it soothes lungs and throat, and helps clear nasal passages.
- Also helpful to prevent sore joint pain, as it brings down swelling.
-Long-term benefits include liver health and cleansing of impurities from blood and other organs.
- Grows wild across Asia, the Mediterranean and the Middle East, with growing appearance in England. Be aware if licorice is present, it is likely present in large amounts as it tends to take up huge space and is a hardy plant.
Marshmallow Root:
-Chewed root as a poultice, ingested leaves.
-Flowering plant with wide tri-pointed leaves and white flowers with brown centers.
-Can be used to alleviate inflammation in lungs and in nasal passages, particularly caused by respiratory infections. Clears up mucus.
- Another herb to improve the health of the urinary tract
-Has a neutral odor and flavor, another good  herb for kits
-Native to Europe, Western Asia, and North Africa
Milk Thistle Seed:
- Seeds are ingested
- A prickly plant with large jagged leaves and blue or purple fuzzy flowers.
- Cleanses toxins from the system
- Typically supports health of the liver and other organs in the body which help get rid of impurities.
- Found throughout the world
Raspberry Leaf:
- Leaves ingested
- The general pregnancy supplement
- Strengthens uterine muscles and increases milk production, helps queens to give birth with less danger as it strengthens their body and muscles and prepares them for contractions.
- Also useful in the first days after birth to encourage healing in the queen’s body.
- Different subspecies found around the world.
Red Clover:
- Leaves can be ingested in small amounts, or soaked in water and drunk.
- An effective tumor and cancer preventative and treatment for early stages.
- Should only be used at low doses if necessary, and only used under suspicion of tumor growth.
- Do not use on pregnant cats
- Native to Asia and Europe, but has been transplanted to many other locations, including North America.
Sage:
- Leaves can be soaked in water or crushed and mixed with water to form poultice. Do not ingest directly.
- When drunk can be a helpful treatment for mouth sores and/or toothaches.
- Very effective against harmful internal bacteria which cause vomiting and diarrhea (like E. Coli)
- An effective deworming method, particularly against Ringworm.
- Used very carefully as can be toxic to cats in anything but the smallest or weakest dose.
- Native to Mediterranean, with a few subspecies naturalized to other countries, including one in far Western North America and one in the British Isles.
Slippery Elm:
- Inner bark is consumed or applied as a poultice.
- Another herb which soothes the mucus membranes, such as throat, lungs, and other internal organs.
- Fights against internal infection, particularly in the bladder.
- Full of nutrients and fiber, an herb which strengthens the body
- Native to North America
Wheatgrass:
- Stems and grass blades are ingested
- A strengthening and nutritional herb, possibly an alternative during a time of low prey, although never to be eaten exclusively.
- Cleanses the blood and performs a general support of systems
- A treatment for cataracts due to its mineral and enzyme content.
- Grows wild in fields in certain areas of North America.
Valerian:
- Leaves are smelled or ingested.
- Initially induces a sort of “high” which stimulates and energizes a cat. A good fix if a task needs to be done right away.
- Once the high wears off, it effectively induces drowsiness and relaxation, often leading to sleep.
- A powerful drug, but still one that is not toxic in any quantity.
- Has been known to be… well not addictive, but when some cat has taken it repeatedly or regularly, it must be weaned off of, or it would provoke symptoms of withdrawal.
- Do not use regularly.
———
And finally it is finished.
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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Democrats: "We voted to call witnesses, so we can bring in people to prove Trump did the things!"
Also democrats:
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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So, the democrats have decided to not call a single witness in the impeachment trial. Which really means this was an impeachment middle school show-and-tell.
Everybody knows all the greatest crime dramas. Jack McCoy vehemently declaring the defendant is guilty, but never putting someone on the stand. Atticus Finch shrugging his shoulders, because he wants the trial over quickly. The Twelve Angry Men propping up their feet and not even showing up for court, with no consequences. I want the truth! "Too bad! Because if we brought in somebody to be a witness, the other side would also call a witness! And nobody wants any of that garbage!"
Democrats have control over the entire government. But they, as always, are wimpy cowards who flounder and never back up any of their words with the tiniest bit of action. No wonder we always lose. Democrats in Congress yell and scream about holding Trump accountable, for actually inciting terrorism and acts of war against the United States of America, but then just throw up their hands when they have the opportunity.
They are sending a message that anyone can do whatever they want, and face zero consequences. They are pathetic. No president will ever be convicted of anything. Trump sent people to attack the American Congress, and five people DIED! But the democrats are not even willing to call anyone to talk about it.
Everyone who has control over what is laughably called this, "trial," anyone who has authority over whether or not to call witnesses and testimony, should be primaried and lose their job.
When republicans controlled the Senate during the first impeachment trial, democrats lost their minds when McConnell would not allow witnesses. Now, they are doing the exact same thing. No president will ever face any consequences. This is a free pass for anyone to do anything, even if it involves terrorists who murder a police officer and try to kill elected officials. It is disgusting, and it is complicit in the crimes thereof.
This was nothing but political theater, and it will have been a waste of time because they did NOTHING. Democrats currently in Congress, particularly the impeachment managers and presiders, are cowards who have decided criminal activity that resulted in five deaths, and the Confederate flag hanging in the Union Capitol, is not worth their time. They must be primaried and lose their jobs, because they are not performing them.
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akiralazuli · 3 years
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FIND
THE FOUR OF CLUBS
I CAN'T SEE IT THERE
I'VE LOOKED ENTIRE
THIS IS SO UNFAIR
NOT BESIDE THE SIX
OR ABOVE THE TWO
CAN NOT SET THE THREE
WHAT AM I TO DO
So I am sitting here playing solitaire on the Linkin Park website, and the computer LOST THE FOUR OF CLUBS! It literally is missing a card!
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There is nowhere it could be hiding! The four of clubs is just not there!
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