aknowncinnamonroll

[aknowncinnamonroll]

noimjessica:

Jessica had so many questions after hearing that. “I…” While she could not call herself opposed to the idea of kissing, it did feel a little too good to be true. Plus it put off the amount of time until Ashley examined what happened in the kitchen. Biting down on the corner of her lower lip, Jessica searched for a good answer. So they were both scared, but reassuring Ashley of this seemed like a bad idea. The two of them were close in proximity already, and Jessica became increasingly self-conscious that she would mess this up.

She wanted to tell Ashley how much she loved her, but had some concerns that it was no longer proper to profess this fact. Was she supposed to stop expressing how she felt just because this whatever it was had started up five years too late? There were not enough words to express how she was feeling. Were they even in a relationship yet? What was happening? Jessica squeezed Ashley’s hand gently and leaned in closer, not wanting to have their second kiss be scarier than the first one; fear was apparently a factor for them both. “I really would like to kiss you, but only if you’re comfortable. You know… seal it with a kiss… I can stop talking now.” Oh gosh, why was she so nervous?

At the rambling, the oh so adorable rambling, Ashley couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter immediately in her chest. The thought of kissing Jessica had her mind reeling, the brunette almost helpless as she watched as the girl leaned in closer to her. “Jess... Kissing you would be the last thing on my mind when I think of the word uncomfortable.” Her eyes caught Jessica’s, holding them as she spoke honestly. Licking her lips, Ashley moved so she was getting closer to her best friend, her something more. 

Her breath caught in her throat as she leaned forward, eyes darting from Jessica’s lips, to her eyes, and then back again as her right hand went up to cup the side of the blonde’s face in a gentle and soothing motion. “I’m gonna kiss you now, Jess.” She whispered out before her lips slowly and gently landed on Jessica’s. 

#c: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

noimjessica:

Jessica had no idea how she ended up so suddenly with the pillow, but here she was. She was relieved that Ashley did not appear to be walking on eggshells with her anymore- possibly just flattened cardboard boxes over a slippery floor like when moving furniture but being too cheap to pay a mover. But it was so stunningly difficult to realize that this moment was real. They were having this conversation. Oh gosh. She was going to have to tell her family about this.

Jessica smiled and laughed tentatively. If Ashley believed they could work for the long-term, this had to be worth a try. “I’m serious.” She reaches her hand out, mostly hoping for physical moral support in this trying time. “Scared as hell, but willing to try us out. What do we do now, though, I wonder.”

When Jessica reached a hand out, Ashley took it gladly, a large beaming smile spreading across her face as she scooted closer to her best friend. She had to bite back a ‘I’m not a sex toy that you just try out with your partner, Jess’ at Jessica’s comment of trying them out, deciding Jessica probably couldn’t handle the humor right now. 

Oh. What did they do now. Most couples or people when they admitted the feelings would choose this time to get to know the other person. But Ashley already knew everything about Jessica that a normal person would have learned by like the sixth date. Her head was telling her to say something normal, something sweet and meaningful. Her heart was shouting at her to kiss the blonde. Unfortunately both of them mixed up and she was left with a resounding, “I’m scared that I want to kiss you.” That... That made no sense.

#c: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

noimjessica:

There was a horrible momentary sinking feeling in her chest. Jessica wondered if maybe she had missed her chance again, that Ashley had already scrubbed any semblance of romantic notions away in the time since their last Big Talk. Why wasn’t it absolutely obvious what she was saying? Hoping her breath held out, she tried to explain. “That I would be interested in trying a relationship with you, if that’s still an option.”

She reached over and tried to fish the pillow away from Ashley. “But I want to take it slowly for real this time. If that’s okay, for a while just holding hands, kissing, and dates. And a lot of talking because I think we both know by now that I’m not the most self-aware.” Some of her ease in breathing came back when she admitted her terms, but she still worried that they would not be accepted.

Oh. 

Is this what coming home felt like? Like when all the puzzle pieces that are out there in the universe, the ones that make up your whole damn existence, they just... Fit? Swallowing thickly, Ashley looked down at the hand that had tried to grab for the pillow, mouth going dry as she continued to hear what Jessica had to say, what Jessica wanted. “I...” She tried to start, but this was harder than it looked. How did she explain to her that yes, this was what she wanted?

With a soft intake of breath, Ashley let the pillow fall from her lap in order for her to scooch closer to Jessica. Her gaze was soft as she stared at her best friend, brown irises looking back and forth from the other girl’s eyes to her lips and then back again as she tried to have her brain process this. “I want you.” She realized immediately how that sounded, shaking her head softly before correcting. “I want us. And if you’re... If you’re serious--God, Jess... I know we could make it. I’ve never been more sure of anything than how I feel about you.”

#c: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

noimjessica:

“Technically the toast part wasn’t the experiment, so… Again, we’ll look at the microwave later…” Mostly Jessica just needed to thoroughly clean the thing. While she was not particularly good at knowing which foods were supposed to do what, she did do a good job cleaning up after herself given time. She pouted right back at Ashley, though. Upset but not mad Ashley was always sweet-ish to be around.

She sat down on the couch, and forced herself to breathe. That did not come without some stuttering, but she finally felt like she was not going to pass out. “I texted Beca for advice. And Emily. Also Aubrey, but I’ll tell you what went wrong there later… Antway! I don’t know if I ever really got over you, Ash. Like I did enough to stop crying when I was in the same room as you, but I, well, am mostly just so scared that you’ll break up with me for real and I won’t bounce back.”

If her life were a movie or a TV show on that god-awful CW channel, she still hadn’t forgiven them for a certain death, Ashley was sure that a mood music song would have began to play during this moment. Ashley felt her breath catch at the mention of texting different Bellas for advice, something about it making her very very confused. What she wasn’t expecting was to hear those words that came out of the blonde’s mouth. She wasn’t... Over her? Blinking in confusion, Ashley subconsciously grabbed a pillow, holding it to her chest. 

At the break up for real part of the conversation, Ashley wanted to roll her eyes but figured that would be inappropriate. In all honesty, she didn’t know what Jessica was trying to say because she wasn’t getting whatever hints, if any, that Jess was throwing her way. “I don’t... Understand. What are you saying, Jess?”

#c: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

noimjessica:

Jessica lit up when Ashley finally came home. Her smile quickly faltered, however, when she was not met with equal enthusiasm. Sure, Ashley looked happy to see her, but she could tell that things were not quite back to normal. “Thanks so much. It always means the most when you say it to me,” she said, frustrated that she could not be absolutely enthused that her best friend was here to celebrate her birthday with her.

With restraint (albeit not easily come by restraint), she reached out her hand toward Ashley. “I said I wanted to talk, and I think it will hurt more if we put this off too long. Sit next to me on the sofa? I experimented with ‘things on toast’ if you’re hungry. Some of the things are better than other things.” At least the toast had been consistently toasty.

Her face paled considerably. “You experimented with toast?” Ashley’s hands quickly went to her hips, looking over Jessica’s shoulder at the kitchen. “Sweetie the last time you experimented with anything, I am pretty sure I remember you saying you burnt water.” She let out a semi-pathetic whine that she had no idea was actually very cute, letting out a small huff before looking back at Jessica. 

“Okay, okay, lets talk. And then I’m going to go check on the kitchen because I don’t want to buy a new toaster. My old one had just given up the ghost and this new one was worth too much of my paycheck.” Looking down at the hand that was offered to her, she swallowed thickly before taking it and heading over to the couch, letting go of the hand once she was sitting. “So, what’s up, buttercup?”

#c: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

noimjessica:

@aknowncinnamonroll

Jessica would not say that all of her feelings made complete sense, but she did not want to keep Ashley in limbo for too long. It was a strain on her sanity to know that she had hurt her best friend, even if at a surface level things had improved. She had texted with Beca, which had been simultaneously stressful and useful. If it was that obvious to everyone else that Jessica still had feelings for Ashley, then maybe she should see what happened. Still, though, Jessica wanted to establish some initial boundaries.

It took way too long between the time Jessica had received the text denoting parking and actual arrival of the drive. She gave up on semi-posing on the couch in favor of sitting in front of the door and fiddling with her phone. These birthday messages were weird, so she at least was not staring at the door impatiently. But that would have been a good second choice. “I hope she didn’t get lost,” she murmured to herself, despite an entirely normal amount of time having passed. “I mean, I guess I could’ve gotten lost…”

Part of her hadn’t wanted to come home. Things had just been odd and uncomfortable since the whole mess with her best friend. But she was officially moved in now and it’s not like Ashley wanted to lose her best friend. No, she could never. But still, birthday or not, she didn’t really know how to handle this whole hot mess. 

Walking into the apartment, Ashley stifled a yawn, not sure how long she’d be awake for this conversation but she knew she owed it to her to listen to whatever it was she had to talk about. I need to move out, I found someone else, I’m actually going on a date, you need to get over me. All these thoughts, very negative ones at that, were running through Ashley’s head, worry alight in her head. Putting on a smile for Jessica, she gave a small wave as she shut the door behind her. “Happy birthday, Jess.”

#c: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: I'm not mad. Just a little disappointed... Anyway, are you almost here?

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: I don't know... Emily's the only one who consistently knows which one I am. Same for you? I don't know about Lilly, actually. We don't talk much.

jess: Aubrey got the birthday part right, but she keeps asking me about Jessica and I don't want to make her mad...

ash: its your birthday. you're allowed to be mad.

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: I feel like they would just get insulted, and they actually look kind of alike.

ash: i just... we're so different. how is it THIS hard

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: Well just Aubrey so far.

ash: bless her heart. i wonder if they'd get the hint if we started switching up her and chloe's names...

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: birthday texts from Bellas...

ash: ....how many people called you ashley

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: Thr microwave isn’t broken!! Promise

jess: apologies in advance

ash: apologies for what?

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: I will not cause any destruction in your absence

ash: oh good!

ash: good thing too.. my heart can't take it right now. [unsent]

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: !!!!!

jess: No, definitely not. It's not bad, I promise.

ash: okay jess, i'm almost home.

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: They don't taste like honey cupcakes...? OH YOU MEANT ME

jess: Okay, because it's really important.

ash: yes i meant you.

ash: are you moving back in with kyle?

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

jess: I'm like literally crying right now because I don't deserve you

jess: Uhm, are you too tired to talk tonight?

ash: O_O honey???

ash: no of course not.

#text: jessica

[aknowncinnamonroll]

text || jessica & ashley

ash: hope you're having a good day! i made you lunch its in the fridge. i'll be at work until 6. i'll see you after.

#text: jessica #( there are happy birthday cupcakes in the fridge and she put up a banner in the kitchen as well )