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Clint: What if something happens to Nat and she never gets to meet the baby?
Laura: Clintā
Clint: I donāt want to hang out with some stupid baby whoās never met Nat.
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Listen, if you were āa real New Yorkerā then Spider-Man would have fallen onto your windshield at least once okay
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If I went to Hogwartsā¦
*The windows frost over, everything gets cold and dull as the dementors glide in*
Everyone else: No! Please, leave us alone! Please!
Me, looking up: Is something happening?
Everyone else: The fuck Alli?? Weāre being attacked by dementors! Itās horrible! Canāt you feel it? Itās so cold, all color is gone! Weāll never be happy again!
Me: Ohhh, I see. I thought I skipped my anti-depressants this morning. *faces dementors* If you think cold weather scares me, bitch Iām from the icy fucking depths of Minnesota, it snows in goddamn April. A little chill compared to the frozen Hell I skipped rope in? Please.
Everyone, including the dementors:
Me: And Iām sure quaking in my Nikes with the misery you feed on like I havenāt dealt with that shit every day since I was e l e v e n. āOh no! Everything is meaningless, Iāll be sad forever! Stuck in an inescapable depression for the rest of my pointless existence!ā Itās the worst part of my life but TO HELL if Iām going to let some crusty ass freak dressed like Professor Snape take advantage of MY mental illness. I can deal with it so you canāt torture me with misery when Iām in a constant state of it! You hear that? Iām IMMUNE. I donāt need to use some magical anti-depressant patronus whatever when I got Zoloft. Wizards are FUCKING useless goddamn now screw off
Dementor: Damn. Sorry. *leaves*
Everyone else:
Me: Anyway, what have you heard about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?
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*Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta starts playing*
Walker: Whatās that?
Sam, Bucky, Sharron and Ayo: Zemoās coming.
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Matt Murdock is bisexual with a preference for women and he was in denial about it for a long time cuz he knew for a long time. Foggy Nelson is straight, but likeā¦ in the gayest way possible. Karen is pansexual and she/they. Change my mind.
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Tony, tryna be ādown with the kidsā: Hey bro! Whatās goinā down, bro?
Peter: A lot. My grades, my happiness, my will to live et cetera.
Tony:
Shuri, Harley, Kate, America, Yelena, Groot and MJ who is somehow there: Mood lmao
Kate: Honestly at this point Iām too anxious to even cry.
Shuri: Iāve thought about inventing a a machine to just eject me into outer space so I donāt have to deal with this crap.
Groot: I am Groot.
MJ: Amen man
Peter: You speak Groot?
MJ: How else would he have talked me out of challenging Shuriās brother for the throne via combat just to feel something?
Tony: Bro
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Tropes you can try to pry from my cold dead hands:
Fighting, specifically sword-fightingā¦ UP OR DOWN STAIRS. ITāS MAGNIFICENT, ITāS BEAUTIFUL, ITāS A DANCE, ITāS A R T
āYou look like shitā āGee, thanksā
Weāre all watching the main battle, but then people are like āyo, whereās the Magical Objectā¢??ā and it pans over to a side character who youād least suspect and they save the day.
For example: we watch the main battle with Thanos, but when he tries to snap Thor would have the gauntlet and he saves the day. IMMACULATE.
āAre you okay??ā āā¦NO OF COURSE NOT I WAS JUST STABBED/SHOT/IMPALED NO IM NOT OKAYā
Undercover as a couple, donāt judge me.
Someone not from the human world being introduced to the human world like itās heaven.
The twist that *seems* like itās out of nowhere but really when you think about it everything makes sense.
Devastating betrayal, but that one character is in denial about it.
The main character realizing the side theyāre on may not be the good side!! I love that one.
Villain ā> ācrap, I have morals nowā
Super big dude whoās a genuine teddy bear and a tiny little girl thatās terrifying to all.
The suave, mighty and powerful falling for the cute little nerd, but the powerful one becoming a lovesick puppy who has suddenly forgotten how to flirt and becomes a puddle whenever they talk.
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Spider-Man: No Way Home thoughts cuz 1) The leak lmao and 2) The official trailer just dropped like AN HOUR AGO
First off, YALL IT LOOKS SO GOOD OH MY GOD!! Cannot wait to see this, holy crap. And can we talk about the villains?? We got Electro, Doc Ock and I have never been so happy to hear that Willem Defoe-Green Goblin laugh. We got some classics up this bitch!
I can already tell Iām going to have to fight to not cry at some point during this movie. Will it be cuz Peterās friends/family wonāt remember heās Spider-Man? Cuz someone will die? Cuz the multiverse opens up and Loki/Sylvie/Wanda appear super majestically? Or maybe cuz the soundtrack hits different, I donāt know yet.
Did the spell work??? STEPHEN SIR WHAT DID YOU DO (also Peter calling him Stephenā¦ mwah š¤) WONG TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THE SPELL STEPHEN AND DID YOU MAKE MAY AND NED AND MJ FORGET THAT HEāS SPIDER-MAN STEPHEN CUZ IF YOU DID STEPHEN IāLL SLAUGHTER YOU STEPHEN AND WHY IS THE SANCTUM COVERED IN SNOW STEPHEN I THINK YOU FUCKED UP THE SPELL STEPHEN AND YOU WANDA LOKI SYLVIE AND PETER TOOK IT UPON YOURSELVES TO DESTROY THE MULTIVERSE S T E P H E N
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ONNNNN
Also it kinda sucks that they released it right before Shang-Chi bc that movie isnāt getting nearly enough hype and we are days away! They knew it would draw attention away and they still released it. Come on, guys.
There are three things that could have happened: 1) Someone at Sony accidentally released the leak coincidentally the day before the official trailer was set to drop, 2) Marvel realized someone had released the footage and wanted to have control over the situation so they released the real trailer the day after, or 3) My wishes have come true to spite Kevin Fiege and release this trailer cuz Marvel is the only thing keeping me sane.
Those are my disorganized thoughts about the Spider-Man: No Way Home trailer.
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How the MCU characters would react to you using they/them pronouns: Guardians of the Galaxy edition
Quill: Repressed homophobia cuz he wonāt admit heās bi, so he isnāt super supportive. In fact, heās a dick. Gamora scares him into properly-gendering you. Eventually he gets with the program and apologizes. When others misgender you, he gets defensive and says fake things about being nb, but in your support. Heās a moron. 6.3/10
Gamora: Queen. Will always use your correct pronouns and will threaten Quill when heās being a fuckwad. 11/10
Rocket: Doesnāt get it, doesnāt care. But itās also not the ācraziestā thing heās ever heard (not crazy, they/them are valid pronouns) so he just rolls with it. 8.5/10
Groot: āI am Groot.ā (You got it!) āI am Groot.ā (I will make sure to use your correct pronouns.) āI am Groot, I am Groot.ā (Let me know if Quill uses the wrong ones, Iāll kill him.) 10/10
Drax: āBut ātheyā is plural? Is there is difference between pronouns and sex?ā After explained, he completely understands and will use gender-neutral terms for you. Great ally, just confused. 9/10
Mantis: Dude, our friend here is super genderfluid between she/her, they/them and she/they. Amazingly supportive, hugs you and literally gasps with delight. Best ally yet. 1000000000/10
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How the MCU characters would re as to you using they/them pronouns: Love Interest edition
(I hate that theyāre all women, Marvel is great at sexism)
Peggy Carter: Once explained, sheāll nod dutifully and use they/them for you, no further questions. Will drop anyone who misgenders you. 10/10
Pepper Potts: Sheād smile, give you a big hug and say she loves you. What a supportive queen and mom to all. 12/10
Jane: āThatās great! But whatās your take on Einstein-Rosen bridges?ā Not a big deal to her in a good way. She doesnāt judge you based on pronouns, she just wants to work. 9.5/10
Hope: Good ally, also doesnāt affect her very much. Will always use the right pronouns, corrects others when they donāt. Overall, just a very chill ally. 10/10
MJ: Already knows. She figured it out and will destroy anyone who misgenders you. Amazing ally. 11/10
Nakia: Bestie knows whatās up. Uses the right pronouns for you EASY. Wakanda is very progressive. 11/10
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How the MCU characters would react to you telling them you use they/them pronouns: OG 6 Edition
Tony: ābut they is plural!ā After it was explained, heād try to not misgender you, but in truth heād suck at it and not try too hard until Pepper smacked him. 6/10
Steve: He wouldnāt understand at all cuz heās old until it was explained, then heād get right with the program. 10/10
Natasha: Easily already using they/them for you. Completely in support and always looks threateningly at Tony every time he misgenders you and every time she correctly genders you. 11/10
Banner: āOhā¦ okay! Thanks for letting me know! Iāll do my best, but it might take me a while, so sorry in advance. PLEASE correct me if I screw up. Iām glad you told me :)ā Great ally, takes a minute but he tries super hard. 10/10
Clint: Would need to be explained what they/them pronouns are and still really doesnāt get it, but he will still do his very best to get your pronouns right. Heās not great at it, but heāll try. 8/10
Thor: āReally? Thatās WONDERFUL my friend! We shall go get creamed ice in your honor! Does Midgard have a celebration of your pride, because I have some friends that would love to attend with you! Valkyrie and Loki, and I know Loki has done some things but it was really our fatherās fault, heās had hard life and-ā 20/10 ally, the best.
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In the Midwest itās ope or be oped.
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Haha do you guys remember when your depression and anxiety werenāt the most consistent things in your life? ā¦yeah, me neither.
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Young Avengers/Phase Four Avengers favorite Musicals
Peter Parker: Wicked and you know it. Dear Evan Hansen is a close second, but if you think he doesnāt know every word to Newsies you are very wrong.
Shuri: In the Heights for sure, sheās a total musical nerd
Harley: Boy does not listen to musicals but he knows a couple Hamilton songs when he hears them.
Kate Bishop: Heathers. She loves it and will absolutely sing and make everyone in a close radius very uncomfortable when she has Dead Girl Walking stuck in her head, which is always. She also loves Beetlejuice like she loves her gf.
America Chavez: Hadestown and Chicago. She and Kate listen to Chicago, Heathers and Six together. Theyāre a bit of a musical couple. America is a talented singer but Kateā¦ nope. Nope nope nope.
Billy and Tommy: They both really like Hamilton and Newsies because Wanda played it all the time.
Cassie Lang: She likes Six, The Adams Family and Bonnie and Clyde. It just makes sense.
Wanda: Too many to choose from, but she loves Waitress and Fiddler on the Roof.
Vision: Le Mis and Hamilton
Pietro: Will never admit how much he loves In the Heights because āmusicals are dumbā
Sam: Definitely does not listen to Mean Girls. Nope. Bucky is lying.
Bucky: Tony made him listen to Hamilton to ask ādid you have any classes with himā? but didnāt account for the possibility that Bucky would really like it
Scott: He shamelessly loves Six and knows all the dances. He listens to it with Cassie
Hope: Doesnāt love musicals, but will listen to a couple with Cassie. Sheās grown to like Rent and the Adams Family.
Thor: Bruh he loves Six. Him and Scott bond over it.
Carol Danvers: When she came back to earth after Thanos she decided she needed to get into pop culture so Peter and Shuri showed her Heathers. She thinks it HILARIOUS beyond belief. She even made Fury watch it. He loved it, but you didnāt hear that from me.
Strange: He hates ALL musicals. Except Wicked. HE RELATES TO ELPHABA OKAY ITāS NOT A CRIME
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Agents of SHIELD season 1
Skye: Wait for itā¦ wait for itā¦ 9:01! Grant Ward is officially late for the first time ever. All right, let's do this. Who's got theories?
May: Uhā¦ alarm didnāt go off?
Skye: All three alarms? All with battery back-up? Come on, who wants to take this seriously?
Simmons: Ooh! He was taken in his sleep!
Skye: Super dark, Simmons, but way more plausible than Mayās idiotic alarm clock theory.
Fitz: Mm, maybe he fell into another dimension where heās interesting.
Coulson: It's 9:00 A.M. Why is no one working?
Skye: Grant Ward is a few minutes late, and we're all trying to guess why.
Coulson: Iād like to play. Iād say heāsā¦ in line at theā¦ bank. This is fun.
Skye: It is fun, but you're all wrong. He clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having TERRIBLE sex with a mole-man. There he is! Ward! Where have you been? We've been worried sick! Do you care to explain yourself?
Ward: Iām just 70 seconds late. Itās not a big deal. Don't worry about it.
Coulson: Ward, you will tell us, and you will tell us now.
Ward: There was a problem at the bank.
Coulson: Hot damn!
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Eddie Brock meeting the Avengers
Eddie: Hey, Iām-
Steve: EDDIE BROCK
Everyone: ?
Scott: Weāre huge fans of your work!
Literally all young Avengers: *nodding violently*
Steve: You took down so many bad people, the selfish privileged old men that run society and make life Hell for those in need!
Scott: Youāre kind of a liberal hero.
Kate Bishop: Itās incredible.
Cassie: Iāve watched every one of your pieces with my dad, Peter and Harley.
Shuri: Me and TāChalla love your work! Iām jealous of the amount of crazy white dudes you took down.
Eddie: Ohā¦? Thanks, I guess.
Venom: Tater-tots, Eddie. Do they have tater-tots?
Eddie: Venom, the symbiote that coexists with me in my body wants to know if you guys have tater-tots?
Tony: Do we have tater- WAIT WHAT
Scott: Anything for you, Mr. Brock!
Venom, showing himself: Thank you.
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