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alwaysarose · 3 years
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We are eclectic
A thrift store of other people’s second hand traits Chewing on pens because some movie character looked cool doing it one time Claiming to despise movies we’ve never seen Humming tunes loved by a boy we once loved who probably found it from another love first Shelving our mother’s traumas Vulnerably, we take donations as they come, beautiful and broken Selfishly, we market them as our own Hoping someone else can make use of what we never could. Whispering prayers we don’t remember learning. julia lee
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alwaysarose · 4 years
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Short spoken word 06•05•20
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alwaysarose · 4 years
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It hit me
I realized he preferred my frown I did not blame him I am a pretty crier But I wonder sometimes If anyone had ever preferred Edgar Allan Poe to the Raven? Van Gogh to Starry Night? Do they love the poet or the suffering?
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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Disassociation
Seeing the Earth from above You don’t feel sadness don’t taste love Makes you wonder, what’s an astronaut to do? Can’t love Space; I know I’ve tried When the stars aren’t in your eyes It’s no wonder God put bits of him in you
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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Because I once used to scream
at the chaos my mind would create for me. The torture and panic. Some days I do not feel Strong enough to survive The storm And that is when the demons will whisper But What they don’t know is Coming is the moment of clarity When I realize It is not something to be survived. I am the storm.
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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Lunar Conversations
I wonder if the moon shines especially bright through your window Cause I’ve told her such wonderful stories about you And she smiles Aware of what it’s liked to be caught in orbit
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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The way I love
When we’re young we develop obsessions When we love cars, our world is automotive When we love princesses, our world is a fairytale And I love you like a child. Like a toddler who does not know but loves unrestrained One day I will say, When I loved him, my world was love. I just want to make you feel beautiful things And maybe that cannot be my job. But hell I want to try. Kiss you with the only breath we both have left Maybe you can live off of my exhales I just want to make you feel happy things I just want to make you happy On days when you are nervous, you can have my spine If it makes me limp I’ll still try and smile for you I’d prefer you not used to being afraid On days when you feel empty, you can fill your spirit with my own. I’ve felt what it’s like to have someone steal your soul in a moment. With you, I give it gift wrapped If it means you can feel happy On days when you are angry, you can feel my blood For it is warm and thick and it will remind you You could destroy it all. Watch me burn and I will let you But you are not lost of feeling. And when you need feeling, God knows I am there I learned to speak in tears first I learned to feel before it all and I have lots to share. So I give you the last that I have, my emotions And left without I am either lucky or terribly screwed But you are hopefully happy
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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Thoughts from the view in Brenham
And I will look out over the fields and make it known If this is all there is to life No grand adventures. No one true love. I will smile at the idea That God looked at even the smallest of dandelions Twisted and frail, the one who is alone And with a comforting smile he whispered “You are someone’s reason to live” You are the meaning of life.
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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I got lost on the way to your house again.
Lost in thought, I didn't even notice I had missed the turn. Instead I drove on. It's funny how it all feels guaranteed now -the routine of it all I mean- I roll over from a nap knowing I will turn to see your lips, pressed firm to the thoughts only dreams can entertain. I pull you into my arms knowing you need affection my vocabulary cannot render. I hum softly knowing fair well that even in your stillness you hear me. Except some days.... I do not. You do not. We cannot. And sometimes you find yourself driving, no longer sure of your destination.
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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Attempt to Explain Why I Laugh When I'm Crying
For girls who dare love Perhaps I am a cautionary tale Alone now, still smiling at what luck I had
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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Attempt at Explaining Why I'm Still Stuck
When you find that I still keep his letters Do not be afraid that I do not love you There are words for people like him And I keep them in the crack between my heart and my desk drawer
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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To the boy who asked if I ever get jealous,
Do you think a sunset ever worries that it is not the first you have seen? The great artist of the sky doesn't stress that their masterpiece will not live up to last week There is painting to be done. I love in hues of pastel yellow and lavender. You are a collage of colors that I could never fully trace back. Why be jealous when the hints of turquoise bring out your eyes? Perhaps a woman before brushed the indigo on your lips Perhaps I am in love with remnants of her as well. You and I are living in bodies that are more scar than skin What harm can a little more color do? To the boy who asked if I ever get jealous, No. Because tonight, the sunset is especially beautiful.
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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It's been a long time since I Iast saw my body as my own
I must be a mind. An identity outside of my cavity But stretching for the sky now I am reminded that I also am I body Holding tight on the feet that I have steered this far, I feel relief
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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When you explained that at times you do not know how to love yourself
I made a silent promise to show you how. When the mirrors have all cracked I will be a lake. Where you can see not just yourself but all that surrounds us. Not just pressing you to my chest But showing you all the world that wishes to hold you.
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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We kissed and for a minute the world fell silent
“You’re perfect”, you whispered I was the type of girl to correct you. What was meant to be a compliment quickly evolved into a stumbling list You cut it off “Well you’re perfect for me” But I knew that you still were not quite right You let yourself get jealous of the memories I spoke of, even while you were buried in my arms. I relentlessly chose winning over you in what was never a competition. We said things we would have to take back Things we did not mean Things we did. We burnt each other and then cradled our injuries in sweet embraces. I was not perfect for you and you were not for me. But for a brief moment we were both trying to be And that was love
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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By the time you came around I was not looking for another guy
I knew your smile could mean trouble for me So I told you every reason we would not work All of which began with "I am" I am messy. Not just in the space surrounding me but in my core. I am sweaters thrown on the floor and dirt tracked onto bed sheets. I am anxious. I am sensitive. I am weak. You did not pause but instead showed me that you are too It is not romantic, no. We are not "beautifully broken" Because I did not love that you understood my pain I love that you ease it with each toothy grin and raised eyebrow. You make loyalty ferocious and kindness sharp. It seems all along I was not looking for a guy, but a lion.
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alwaysarose · 5 years
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If I'm blessed with a daughter
I hope you do not try and muffle your footsteps when you find yourself surrounded by wolves Because they will always hover if you do not unapologetically run I hope that when you are told to shut up and listen You sing at the top of your lungs But still, listen my child, for maybe they'll recognize the tune I hope that when the boy in your bio class tells you you are too emotional You let him hear the fierceness of your sobs Let him know that you come from a long line of people who feel so deeply I hope that when you are told to be a good girl You do not cease your playing You do not hush your voice You do not let them tell you to quiet down Because there is no way to be good in silence
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