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alwaysconscious · 2 years
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I was just thinking about the year that everything changed. my feelings for you changed and the way your feelings changed. whether you knew this or not you were my first love. i mean clearly it showed i wouldn’t go through that shit if i didn’t. but what if things were different? what if you were brave enough to tell me about the way u felt? or what if i let pride go and tell you?
As childish and as used up it sound, i was scared to loose you. you understood me in a way know one else did. you knew me. it’s crazy how things happen. i genuinely thought we were going up together and even last. I was hoping that happened. i sometimes will stay up and just think of all the things we would’ve done together. the laughs till cry situations. the argument over the dumbest things. but the thing that i imagined the most was the love that we would share. the secrets, hugs, kisses….
You were and are my what if. the romance that should’ve been but never was. i regret this. the what if i mean. because if the what if happen i wouldn’t be where i am today. not that i’m blaming you i’m not. but maybe i would’ve been happier, more loving. i wouldn’t be this shut down person that can’t have a connection with somebody else. maybe it’s because i don’t have closure. or maybe because i still have hope. either way, i am here and you are there. hope she makes you happy. hope she loves you the way i wanted to…
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alwaysconscious · 3 years
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can something so full,
love something so broken?
the only remedy is to shatter
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alwaysconscious · 3 years
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the words you used to describe me are on an endless loop in my head,
the actions you did against me are on an endless loop in my heart
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