alyhollywood

[alyhollywood]

#dumbo #want this #wallet #has a matching backpack #cuteness #baby Disney #Loungefly #wishlist

[alyhollywood]

[alyhollywood]

i want a bond so tight that even on bad terms you still run to me 1st

[alyhollywood]

Loyalty means the most to me, even on bad terms you supposed to stand on that.

[alyhollywood]

[alyhollywood]

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

— Mark Twain

[alyhollywood]

This is so much like my own mother daughter relationship haha.

Sadly I’ve just wanted her to like me and be nice for as long as I can remember but I actively started making lists and writing out how to make those two goals become reality around age 11. Fast forward I’ve not yet successfully accomplished those two things as our normal interactions.

I’m a burden she would rather not deal with or anyone meet but that’s okay with me. Talking to her usually sends me into some sort of anxiety attack or shame spiral where the rest of the afternoon is shot and I’m just trying to mentally recover or I check out and go elsewhere to only come back realize I sat for hours staring at a wall well my physical body did anyways lol but truly what a waste of time and uneasy it leaves me knowing I didn’t stay present here in reality of the moments.

I’m just a mess that she loves to lie even when I call her out on the truth she will still lie right to my face, at times makes me feel like I’m losing my sanity because of the lies that cause more problems that would never have been had she just been able to be authentic and real instead of lying and living in a delusional perspective of reality; loves to every time we talk to guarantee some harsh criticizing with one statement on my appearance, one about my mental health and always how my dad is dying and making it harder to handle as if I wasn’t aware of his health and doing what I can to spend time with him it’s not like I can see him when I want it feels like I’m always blocked and kept away which I hate and hurts I really do miss him but that’s a different post anyway — but I can guarantee I never hang up a call or end a visit with my self esteem intact not my self worth or value in the world let alone feel anyone would want to hangout or befriend me so nowadays it’s why I don’t have friends and don’t talk to anyone and just am alone always so I can’t hurt more incase she is right.

She also loves to provide empty offers that she doesn’t actually intend to do ever or follow through on like a postponed birthday celebration or nearly any activity say she will help but rarely follows through even though I’ve been more then willing to accept help I’ve even asked only to get shot down because no time is carved out for me just strangers kids and my sibling who speaks behind her back horrifically and never has been grateful for all he has been gifted by her that I never was nor ever on the table for me he just snubs his nose at but it’s one reason I’m glad I lived with my dad in my teens. I would never want to have turned out like my sibling and if that is caused by mom raising him 100% then I dodged a bullet of being that kind of person I’d never want to be close minded , cruel, self absorbed, ungrateful, dismissive, ignorant and arrogant, cold hearted and selfish.

I will always hope one day she will just accept that she doesn’t know me at all and be open to get to actually know me dropping all her assumptions and delusions she has made up in her mind to be truth that are the completely opposite of the real truth on any facts. Maybe we have more in common than I would ever think or like some of the same things I don’t know of. I can always have hope. I try I do I mean I even gave her a pass back and forth mother daughter prompted activity journal for christmas. She didn’t seem to understand what it was or how it worked despite directions in the intro but she wasn’t keen on desire to read those. Her response thanks I look forward to writing all the things I like about you I guess. Ptf it was like damnit how can she turn this around as if I am fishing for her compliments it’s supposed to help us build a strong foundation and fix the brokenness that is us but *sigh* I guess I’ll brainstorm another way to go about it. Only been doing this brainstorm cloud diagrams for decades. Ugh

#moms #mom #mother daughter #never enough #worst #unacceptable #broken relationships #fractured #Spotify

[alyhollywood]

There are some seriously good NEW holiday songs /winter songs/ Christmas jams that were released this year.

And can I personally say about time and hallelujah!

Think a couple songs that are a twist on the artists original song to make it christmas-y are actually better than the original song they originated from lol. 😂 for example Fancy Like Christmas by Walker Hayes and Nonsense Christmas by Sabrina Carpenter

I mean even Cher made some new Christmas 🎶 songs! But truly I’m thankful because lord help me if it was another overdose of Mariah Carrey and that Britney Spears song I love but it’s definitely been around a bit too long now to love it as much as I once did. Lol.

Don’t get me wrong I still have some I can’t get enough of from prior years like 12 days of a pop punk christmas by Jarrod Alonge but we can all agree it’s been a long time since there was so many new original songs made for this time of year released.

Lainey Wilson christmas cookies song is so perfect why has no one written one about the cookies before now ?!!

What are some of your favorites old or new? Let me know below!! ❤️🎶

#christmas songs #holiday #winter song #new holiday songs #new jams #christmas 2023

[alyhollywood]

She always looked so classy under the tree at Christmas time. Furever printed with her 🐾 on my heart ❤️ Ari Jay 2009-2019

#black cat #christmas #missing her #rip #best friend #furever home #pawprints on my heart #love never dies

[alyhollywood]

[alyhollywood]

Omgzz I literally was talking last night about how badly I’ve wanted a corpse bride costume and upset no one has truly made one that was even semi decent. I have only seen one prior and it was horrible. This is the first one I’ve seen not only meet my expectations but surpass them! The only thing it doesn’t thrill me on is the price 😭😭😰😵‍💫

If you are wondering what my standards are for a costume to qualify as passable good,it is pretty simple. They must be as accurate as possible to the actual outfit the character wears in the film/comic strip/book illustration as possible. I want to feel like I have transformed into that character stepping into their shoes and walking their stride enveloping the specifics in how they speak and organically move bringing it all to life in real time! I guess some would call it cosplay these days. Ive just always felt that way when I put on a costume I am no longer myself, I become whoever I’ve decided to métamorphosiez into. I am that character❣️

So back to this costume. I am so torn disheartened at finally having found the costume and it being wayyy out of my budget. Let alone let’s not forget the accessories!!! I mean do you see those amazing platform heel shoes of grandiose greatness!?! And can’t be the Corpse Bride without the veil. Though I wouldn’t mind finding some cheap one at goodwill or some random hole in the wall outdoor mall shop lol. At that point though if you are buying the shoes and dress I mean might as well say fuck it and get the veil. Gahhh……

Well if anyone wants to gift me this Halloween costume I’m an xs and shoe size 7 ( they only run whole sizes I don’t typically wear a 7 lol) or if you want to help me afford to buy it myself my cashapp is $AlyHollywood so feel free and put a note what it’s for when 💸💸 so I can easily keep tally on what goes towards it. I wish cashapp had a savings option to make some funds be put aside to save for a specific item but hey it can’t be exactly like the big banks right!? Lol.

I mean this costume is perfect. My hair is like those shades of blues and purples and whatnot. I truly before seeing this was starting to consider making my own costume and keeping my eyes peeled for used slightly damaged wedding dresses for sale at really discounted prices especially since then being damaged I figured would make it easier to get at a affordable price. Then factoring how to paint, dye, treat, etc the fabrics and alter to make look like hers including the tear with exposed ribs though the corseted torso. I loved this character from the first time I saw the film and can never get tired of this movie. I think she is such a poetic tragedy and beautiful in an unusual way. Decaying beauty. I also adore how she when finally at peace transforms into those beautiful rebel of butterflies 🦋 which are like the well established symbolism of transformation into becoming anew and moving forward onto the future. It was just so perfect and quotes I could really relate to such as

“I’ve been in the dark for so long I forgot how beautiful the moonlight is”

Not that I have plans but I’m sure I could find some lol better question is if I did rock this costume who would be my Vincent!? Lol. I actually found a decent costume for him but his outfit wouldn’t be that hard to recreate from real clothes from not costume shops lol.

#wishes #corpse bride #halloween cosplay #halloween #halloween costumes #wishlist #so expensive #send me money #help me buy this #drop dead gorgeous #decaying beauty #if you wish on a star #dream it #dreams conceived into reality #dollskill

[alyhollywood]

Use my link and get $10 off any store your heart desires when you use Klarna as your payment checking out. You can even go into your account directly after purchase and pay the full amount off if your heart desires and they will even reward you for making payments early. Reward points give you discounts or dollars off your next shop on the store reward you choose out of the ones available that change every so often. Be sure to use my link.

This also helps me out giving me $50 off my next shop using Klarna which I really could use considering I had to use them the other day to do my restock Claudalie shop during the 25% off fam and friends sale code. I shopped the same sale last year but was trying to figure out why my cart with basically the same items this year was costing me $200 more and so I looked back at my prior order to realize other then the regular prices due to inflation increased $3-$8 dollars per item but the discount last year was 50% off so that is quite a big difference from this years 25% off a couple hundred dollars diff for me ptf. *sigh* but it’s the only thing when I used consistently that kept my skin looking really nice and as soon as I started to run out and stopped using consistently every am skincare routine my skin has revolted and been unmanageable since so I can’t take it anymore I’ll bite the bullet take my money cuz I need my self esteem to not be total trash 100% of the time lol. At least the 111skin 3phase blemish booster serum I use with the vinopure serum to be my secret weapon skin superhero I managed to find a full 20ml bottle for under $30 on eBay. Which is less then I payed for 10ml last time I restocked it so that was at least a breath of fresh air to get to not spend what I had been preparing to on it. Lol. Seriously need a brand to make a dupe of that because as of right now no one makes a product that even has half the same ingredients so it’s kinda like I’m stuck without alternatives and people know it hence the crazy price tags on that serum. Lol.

#get a discount #use Klarna code #help me out #skincare #cost a lot to be chronically I’ll #claudalie shop #111skincare #do what works #restocking makes me have empty pockets #thank god for payment plans without interest charges #Klarna is my favorite shopping tool #Klarna has such good rewards #Klarna is better than afterpay

[alyhollywood]

When you decide to join the small children in the ball pit at World of Barbie exhibit 🎀

#world of barbie #ball pit #slide into my dms #play as if you’re still 5 #child at heart #barbie girl #barbie #loungefly dress #Barbie’s world #Barbie land

[alyhollywood]

Perfectly fitting considering that’s the day of my birthday.

A quiet one this year. Spent most of it alone. Mom came by didn’t get around to do presents but she split the giant strawberry pina colada smoothie bowl I made and been favoring lately with me( didn’t finish it it’s that filling and full of nutritional goodness) then went to my Dad and stepmums for a quiet dinner and gift opening and finished the day crashing at my besties apt accidentally I only meant to stop by and visit then walk home hah oops.

I baked my own gluten free vegan lemon bars to bring to dinner that evening. Stayed up most of the night making them but they came out delicious and were perfect. I’m not a cake person, I’m more a ice cream and pie or just about any other type of sweets person lol. I iced “ Happy 32nd Birthday Allana” on my lemon bars then dusted with some powdered sugar. Stuck 3 yellow and two pink candles in and called it a day. Hopefully my wish comes true I really would love it to and I don’t think it was asking for too much or anything unreasonable. Actually my wish is kinda sad to think I don’t have it in my life anymore and is lacking so significantly that I wished for it. It is what it is that’s just part of life in SoCal I guess.

Birthday gifts and celebration welcomed all of September.

I know since it falls on a holiday weekend more then most people forget or are busy with other plans so I always have tried to be accommodating and just let people do so if they feel like celebrating my existence at a time more convenient or able to do so during the month I think it’s fair and a reasonable thing to not get all upset over the actual day not usually being a thing or being most years kinda haphazardly disastrous. I mean at this point I’ve accepted that I will probably end up in sad tears once or more on the day and that’s just the way things go. This year was no different but that’s okay. My tiara arrived day of on time and that was all the sparkle I needed to get me through it.

#birthday #happy bithday to me #virgo season #i'm a virgo #cancer moon #family time #small celebration #wear a tiara whenever you can #write your own fairytale #lemon bars #gluten free vegan #gluten free baking #make your own happy

[alyhollywood]

[alyhollywood]

Like most dudes I have the misfortune of having dated lmao 😅

love the countdown songs with a line incorporating each number into the lyrical line very sassy. Not to mention a bit too clever being able to still sound catchy in the end of the whole process.

#banger #countdown #trashlate #he’s a dumpster fire #lose the loser #10 9 8 7 6 … #10 but he makes himself a zero #zero not a hero #date better #need to attract better than this #fuckboi #fuckboy #not worth the effort #Spotify

[alyhollywood]

It’s not the end of the 🌎 world 🌍

There’s always a light when it burns

Just remember these words

It is what it is ,what it is what it is

okay 😝

#spotify #anthem of the day #song of the day #it is what it is #new song #new artist #listen #relateable #indie sleaze