amazingfreakshow - Tumblr blog

amazingfreakshow · 3 years

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You raised me to question the authority of people who are like the person you've unintentionally become; you belittled me for questioning the authority which you use to demonize the person you unintentionally raised me to be.

the mosaic of an adult crafted with the pieces of the child you broke

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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(Original Poem and Photo)

Falling was the easy part.

My body, still, slicing through the crisp autumn air. I didn’t have to think, I didn’t have to feel. I was weightless.

Falling was the easy part. My body, bruised, smashing through the still and concrete water. I didn’t have to cut, I didn’t have to cry. I was surrounded.

Falling was the easy part. My body, silent, slicing through the soundless dark depths. I didn’t have to hurt, I didn’t have to breathe. I was submerged.

But then the people came. My body, limp, laying on the cold ground after being pulled out of the lake. I had to apologize, I had to say goodbye. I was gone.

If you fall into a lake and there’s nobody around, did you really make a splash?

Falling was the easy part.

#death #lake #water #cry #crying #cry me a river #fall #falling #poem #writing #poetry #hurt #hurting #dark academia

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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(Original poem)

Beauty is Often Blurry

You wake up, morning sun grazing your skin; rays of light kissing your eyes awake.

Everything is slightly more pretty than it was yesterday. Everything is slightly more blurry.

To see the swirling hues of crimson and maroon instead of the bed with stains from the blood you forgot you bled last night.

To see a galaxy of purple and blue instead of the throbbing black eye you see when you look in the mirror.

To see the rays of neon lights instead of the faces of the people you once loved all in a club that you look at on your wall every day.

When you put on your glasses, you see the detail. The rips, the tears, the lose strings. The disturbing, the damned, the demented, all of it. It’s all right in front of you.

This is a hellish paradise we live in- this is a sick joke.

I dread putting my glasses on.

#glasses #blurry #poem #poetry #picture #photography #fairy lights #aesthetic #beauty #beauty is often blurry

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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(Original Poem/ Excerpt thing idk what this is)

You and your sick, twisted need to give the world then rip it away from the already fragile hands which you promised to hold.

But I didn’t pay enough attention to realize your hands were calloused and bloody.

All I payed attention to was your smile- that damn smile- and those hypnotizing lapis eyes.

The way your hair was just shy enough to cover them slightly, but not enough to where I couldn’t be grabbed by them, those ocean eyes.

They came in like a thirty foot wave, and I was a mere sandcastle on the beach.

You destroyed me.

But I’m not the first girl you’ve done this to, am I?

I just hope I’m the last.

But it’s not the fact that you have the power to wreck me completely that scares me.

It’s not the fact that you made me believe your passion to be true without a single spark of love in your eyes.

What scares me is that I know if you called me, I’d answer.

What scares me is that I know no matter what you do to me, I’ll always love you.

-I hope you’re well

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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Thoughts of a half-asleep depressed girl

🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤

I took a random photo in the middle of the night and- half awake and barely aware of anything I was doing- wrote this. Woke up to it this morning

Doesn’t have any deep meaning unless you want it to.

The story of the written words live both in the writer and the reader.

#aesthetic #art #dark academia #light academia #random #midnight thoughts #thoughts #midnight #witching hour #random thoughts #epitome #depression #depressed #lonely #alone #sleep #asleep

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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Life’s too short to leave things unsaid; to worry about the things that we got wrong.

So hug all your friends, and let them you’re not letting go.

I won’t let go.

Song: Hug All Ur Friends by Cavetown

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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Some photos I took outside today in the rain (first one is edited)

#cottagecore #aesthetic #nature aesthetic #flower #flowers #flower aesthetic #rain #raindrop #raindrops #rain aesthetic #rain season #nature #pretty #purple

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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And like a book with no words; a sketchbook with no drawings, I find myself void of emotion once again.

*******

I made a sketchbook from scratch in an attempt to avoid online school

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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Beauty is in P E R S P E C T I V E

Something I've recently gained perspective on is the fact that the woods behind my childhood home is now overgrown. You can no longer see the things I once saw as a child- the river, the rocks, the sand, the secret places my dad and I would go on adventures to. That part of my childhood- that part of me- is gone now. However beauty is in perspective. Yes, I can never go back to the places I once did as a child- I can never go back to my childhood- but there’s still beauty and life in the overgrown vegetation that has taken over the woods. There’s still beauty and life in the future. It’s not the same type of liveliness that my childhood had, but it’s still a journey that awaits me.

Have hope. The place where ferns and trees have taken up the spaces where your past once was is the same place which holds new life.

-the Amazing Freakshow

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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Let’s go on a Journey...

Who wants to just pack a toothbrush and some money and go somewhere with me? Just drive the backroads and listen to the Lumineers while we fall in love slowly without realizing it. We could hitchhike when our crappy car inevitably breaks down, and learn all of each others deepest secrets and strongest hopes and longest lasting dreams. We could go to old second hand bookstores and get a dozen books for a crinkled five dollar bill that you had left in your pocket and I could read to you while you drive. Become the best of friends on this road trip to heaven and just live. No real destination. Just happiness. Let’s go on a journey together...

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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P A I N T the W O R L D with P R I M A R Y C O L O R S Paint the world primary and the rest of the colors will birth from their touch… -the Amazing Freakshow

#primary colors #primary colors aesthetic #aesthetic #paint #painting #blending paint #paint aesthetic #art #artist

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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In a World of Black and White🖤

(original poem)

In a world of

ceramic people

wearing paper crowns upon their heads,

even the sun can give

only so much life.

Nothing can sustain a world

made up of porcelain masks

and china dolls,

for those wooden puppets

and plastic barbies

hold no life.

Glazed over eyes painted with

black and white

to mask the hollow glass

behind the perfect picture.

But the soul-

the spirit that encapsulates those

ceramic people

creates the human.

The human made of

crimson sunsets in our veins,

aquamarine seas in our eyes,

and violet stardust running through our arteries.

In a world of black and white,

we must be color.

-Lila Morgan (the Amazing Freakshow)

#black and white #mood boards #dark academia #aesthetic #dark aesthetic #black and white aesthetic #light academia #design #designs #art #artist #drawing #drawings #poetry #poem

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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I just want a dark academia boyfriend/ girlfriend/ partner who will go on dates with me to old second hand bookstores and play vinals and CD’s and tapes while we dance in the kitchen and read in the morning surrounded by the crisp air of the fall and bask in the golden glory that is the sun is that too much to ask for god damn it

Also yes I know my grammar and punctuation are appalling I’m ranting give me a break

#dark academia #light academia #academia #boyfriend #girlfriend #partner #academia boyfriend #academia girlfriend #academia partner

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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Rainbow soap at a car wash

#rainbow #rainbow soap #car wash #car wash soap #color #colors #colorful #aesthetic #soap aesthetic

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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My own version of my dark academia aesthetic...

#dark academia #academia #light academia #chess #writing #photography #candles #words on bathroom walls #ink on skin #skin and ink #drawing #eye drawing

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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Honestly I haven’t been feeling much of anything lately. I’m barely phased by the things that’ve been happening, when I should be having a breakdown. Am I even alive? It doesn’t feel like I am. I’m just a shell of the girl I used to be, who is a stranger to the girl I am now. But that’s the thing. I’m just a girl. I should be going out to parties and football games and sleepovers and doing fucked up things because I’m young and dumb and enjoying life for what it is- a mess. But no, I’m sitting in the darkness of my room, swallowed by the demons I call my only friends because no one else is here, and writing to the internet on a blog no one will ever see. Is this my shout into the void? It must be, because it physically drains me to open my mouth and utter words. I never understood when people said they literally couldn’t talk until now. Now I get it. And in a way it’s a good thing in certain lights, because if I get better, I'll be able to help people going through similar things because I'll have gone through it myself. But in a way it’s a bad thing, because I now also understand the term “passively suicidal.” That I wouldn’t kill myself, but I wouldn’t mind if I did die; that if I managed to cut a bit too deep- if I was crossing the street and a truck came hurtling towards me with no sign of stopping- I wouldn’t mind.

I’m alive, but am I living?

What’s wrong with me?

-the Amazing Freakshow

#depression #help #numb #I don't want to be here #existential #depression is not beautiful #stop saying depressed people are just angels trying to go home #stop romanticizing our pain #stop

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amazingfreakshow · 4 years

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“Oh darling, you can’t hide from your feelings forever. They’ll kill you.”

“And what if I want to die?”

-the Amazing Freakshow

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