Though she be but little, she is fierce
Find me at AO3 at sunmoonstarsrain
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amjustagirla day ago
awwww <3
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sakusa brainrot <3
there's a hidden side to sakusa kiyoomi. he's giggly and soft and clingy with barely any alcohol in his system, and demands more kisses and cuddles from you and wants nothing more than to be held by you some days and is actually a very thoughtful lover and can read you like an open book and will stroke your back until you fall asleep and read to you because you like how his voice sounds and he blushes when you kiss both of his moles and smile at him with such tenderness afterwards.
and he's snappy sometimes but hes learning how to apologise to you and he tries making you food but can barely do more than a scrambled egg and loves running baths for both of you to just relax in with your back against his chest as you talk about your day with your head tucked under his chin and how even though youre naked and pressed against each other it doesnt have to be sexual and you can just exist together so comfortably.
and a sakusa who pulls you to one side in public and swiftly tugs his mask down to give you a quick peck before straightening up. a sakusa who loves to tease you by pretending not to hear you until you tug on his sleeve to get him to bend down to your height. a sakusa who looks so grumpy when you're too busy to do a face mask with him as your little friday night ritual.
a sakusa who texts you as much as he can whenever he's away from you because of volleyball, and how he's always so dramatic about you being his only thread of sanity left when he has to be sleeping in the same room as atsumu.
a sakusa who stays on facetime with you even when you fall asleep a few minutes in and takes screenshots of your squished face with little hand-drawn hearts surrounding it in a tentative shade of pink.
a sakusa who has never felt more in love than when you come home one day with an array of mini hand sanitiser bottles so that you can still have fun with different smells while still making sure that he's comfortable. a sakusa who feels his heart swell even more when you also wear a mask that matches his, seeing how you're so willing to make sure that he is okay.
a sakusa who was tentative and standoffish at first, but now seeks you out like it's second nature. a sakusa who, when he finally gets home from an away game, refuses to leave your arms as you hold him close and play with his curls as he mumbles quietly into your ear about his time without you.
a sakusa who looks at you like you hung the moon and stars and blushes when he's caught. a sakusa who is undoubtedly in love with you no matter how mean or cold he may seem to others.
a sakusa that is completely yours in every way.
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amjustagirl3 days ago
Stares at my kita wip.
for every "馃尮" received in my inbox i'll post one random sentence of a random WIP i'm currently writing
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amjustagirl4 days ago
Omg he slaps her because he gets jealous????? Like bruh no????? You kill him!!!!!
Ew no kill him!!!
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amjustagirl4 days ago
OFC U CAN CALL ME JAY DNJSKSLAKA but yes noodles are the best and yes the metaphors add a whole new level to your already amazing writing 鈥硷笍鈥硷笍鈥硷笍
Then hello Jay!! Whats your fav noodle dish! And awww ty for appreciating my writing 馃槏馃槏馃槏 I wld I cld send you more love than I alr am!!!
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amjustagirl4 days ago
Yeah Nikki,,,, one of a few things that I learned about your fics is how painfully nice and kind the readers are馃鈥嶁檧锔弒o nice it hurts. I know there鈥檚 very little people out there that鈥檚 like your readers especially the Atsumu series. God knows I would鈥檝e k word (not in a nice way) him on the spot after i got miscarriage 馃槓
That's partially the reason why I was so worried abt ending requiem on a happy note because HELL if atsumu didn't act disgracefully. I personally would 100% end him. But but but - I hope there was enough growth and love to warrant forgiveness, and people change and mature so....idk.
What do yall think!
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amjustagirl4 days ago
Omg nikki i really need some serious catching up to do! I just read that kuroo comfort fluff and im over the moon!!! Wish i'd meet someone as sweet and respects your choices and not guilt trip you on your decisions 馃槏馃槏馃槏馃槏 swoon worthy 馃槍馃ゴ鉂わ笍 ( wishing you have more ficlets with our best man kuroo鉂わ笍馃檹)
p.s i missed you nikki! Work has been hectic lately 馃槶
- your 馃寢 anon
Awww 馃寢Anon! I missed you too!! I hope work becomes kinder to you! I don't think you missed much - I've just been writing a couple of drabbles, the tug of war piece for tsumu - I shld rly look into updating my masterlist whoops. But yes! Someone who doesn't guilt trip you for your choices shld be like, the min standard for our partners but sadly that's not always the case. We shld unionise and demand better!
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amjustagirl4 days ago
I think I forgot to press send before, but do you know what happened to softsakusa? x
Oh gosh I personally have no clue what happened to ami, but I hope she's feeling better even tho I'm sad to see her go. If she ever sees this - ILY ami. You deserve everything good under the sun 鉂わ笍
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amjustagirl4 days ago
Your latest Kuroo fic really touched my heart馃ズ馃槶 well, personally I have no experience in that area馃憖 but it reminds me of something that happened to my friend... She broke up with her bf cause she didn't want to do things with him and she values herself... Reading your fic made me wish that ppl to be more like Kuroo馃槶馃槶
Awww ty bunny. Yeah look - people have varying levels of comfort when it comes to sexual intimacy, and I just wish more ppl (guys esp) respect that. And that's just something I feel pretty strongly about!
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amjustagirl4 days ago
An anime that isn't booby that I just don't like is Itakiss, have you heard of it? The main dude is such an asshole. Some of these anime women need standards. ;-;
You just have ~taste~ !!
Oh I saw the plot!! Yeah no look if the guy is an asshole, he's an asshole. Don't reward assholery with love wtf LOL.
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amjustagirl5 days ago
nikki. i have read every fic of yours. you are one of my favorite writers on this app. and i don鈥檛 want to devalue your thoughts and feelings about this kita fic, but i know it will be amazing because you put thought and love into all your fics <33 they鈥檙e all so nicely written and almost poetic. i was reading your analysis of the astrophile and broken compass and the metaphors and connections and thought you put in it and in all your fics is just UGH AMAZING anyways i love you and you have my unconditional support <33333
awww jay (is it alright if i call you that??) THANK YOU! no dw dw you're not devaluing my thoughts and feelings at all, i get in my head a lot and i worry too much so thank you for taking the time to tell me to stahp. and awwww i just rly try my best to put as much thought as i can into my fics cos idk - it's just my philosophy to put as much as i can into my fics (my effort, my heart and soul) so there'll be metaphors and imagery and connections that won't be evident on a quick read but i put it in anyway cos idk - i feel like somehow it just adds to the story? but i shldn't ramble - thank YOU for loving my fics!!!!! im super happy you enjoy them and again, ty ty ty for taking the time to pop into my inbox with such kind words.
(also - good taste, i love noodles so very much too hehhhh)
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amjustagirl5 days ago
HI HI how are u? i hope u鈥檙e having a lovely weekend!
seeing some people sharing with you about their thoughts (and love!!!) for broken compass reminds me of my favourite portion in that story 鉂わ笍 鈥 it was, when Kiyoomi explained his 鈥渆xpectations鈥 (is that the word for it? HAHA) of their relationship, 鈥榝irst; second; third,鈥 AHHHH and broken compass is one of the stories i seek comfort in. thinking of it makes me 馃鉁煢嬧湪馃鉁煢嬧湪 that is romance at its peak!!!!!
melur!!! thank you for joining in to share your favourite part of broken compass (sakusa x f!reader)!! arghhh that passage is so emotional and i love it too! okay just to avoid confusion, here it is:
鈥業 didn鈥檛 want to expect anything more from this relationship than you were willing to give鈥, she admits after a pause.
She鈥檚 scared of being hurt again. He doesn鈥檛 miss the subtext.
鈥楽hall I tell you what I want from you then? I have a list, if you鈥檙e willing to hear me out鈥 he asks, with a smile that鈥檚 growing more common the more time he spends around her.
She nods, but keeps her gaze stubbornly on the ground.
He takes his time to choose his words. He鈥檚 never been verbose - not like Atsumu or Bokuto or even easygoing Motoya, choosing to only say what is strictly necessary, using the precise amount of words, nothing more, nothing less. But this is a situation that requires more emotion rather than precision, so he inhales a shaky breath, letting it fuel the sentiment in his heart as he exhales.
鈥楩irst. I want you to trust that I鈥檒l never hurt you like he did鈥, he says, and with a self-deprecating smile he adds - 鈥業 don鈥檛 have any childhood friends to be secretly in love with besides Motoya, and I鈥檓 hardly going to be pining after my flake of a cousin鈥.
That triggers the corners of her lips to tilt upwards, and encouraged, he carries on.
鈥楽econd. I want you to be open with me about what you want - your dreams, your expectations of me. I want to hear them all because 聽you鈥檙e important to me.鈥
That makes her flush pink, and she sneaks a glance up towards him.
鈥楾hird. I want to wake up each morning with you by my side and come home to you every night. I want to watch you fight cranky old ladies in the supermarket in my honour, be the first person to taste test all your baking experiments - even the failed ones that are only fit to feed Atsumu. I want us to be happy together. Forever, if possible.鈥
He lifts her bodily into his lap, brushes his nose against her cheek. 鈥楴ow that I鈥檝e told you what I鈥檓 willing to give, is that too much for you to take?鈥 he murmurs against her lips.
Her blush blossoms into a deep scarlet, but her eyes are iridescent pools of startled delight. She doesn鈥檛 speak, sealing her answer instead with her lips.
His heart鈥檚 compass is irretrievably broken, the needle melted into place. It doesn鈥檛 point north any longer, no 聽鈥 it鈥檚 always going to point towards her.
idk i always thought that quiet, methodical sakusa would have far too many thoughts in his head about everything and anything under the sun, and he would definitely think and list down what he likes abt the reader, and what he wants out of the relationship. and he's so direct and straightforward (as opposed to the reader, understandably because she's been hurt before) that it falls on him to make the first move to tell her his expectations and dreams.
and i figured this is my version of soft, sentimental sakusa y'know? him being quiet and methodical and direct with his deepest feelings, expressing his love without having to state outright i love you. that's peak omi to me - saying i want us to be happy together, forever if possible, and it's rly the perfect thing to say to the reader, especially when she's been blindsided and burnt by love before.
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amjustagirl5 days ago
Hi Nikki <3 猸恠tar猸 and hope you鈥檙e doing well in these tryin鈥 times 馃尮鉁
awww i hope you're doing well too! thank you for indulging me and sending in an ask heh!
(if you want a director's commentary for any of my fics, send me an ask!)
requiem of a storm (miya atsumu x f!reader):
part i.~ part ii.~
i wrote this because i wanted to examine what would've happened to atsumu and the reader in the original storm chaser fic if they ended up not having their daughter, shino. of course, if the reader never became pregnant in the first place, i think they would've eventually ended up married anyway, because they were building the foundations for a happy, stable relationship anyway. but what if atsumu had already essentially abandoned the reader (who he did love) and she ended up losing the child AND her memories of him??
ok. i admit i was just all aboard the atsumu pain train. but i think i wanted that shock to force atsumu to confront his feelings for the reader. he loves her, even though he's so dreadfully immature at that point of time - initially abandoning her, lying to her about his cowardice. oh, atsumu. and of course it was a joy to write osamu and kita (! a new addition) and even the reader's brother kenji disapproving of his choices (in varying degrees of vociferousness) just to drive home how fucked up atsumu's priorities and choices were.
but they were always end game. the whole point of storm chaser and requiem is about maturing into love, about the depth of forgiveness, about choosing to love - so even though i teased my poor readers incessantly about ending the fic tragically, i could never bring myself to do so. and i think in requiem, atsumu does suffer and mature and grow such that he's earned his way back into the reader's heart - we see it when atsumu apologises to the reader "for runnin. for not gettin to know her with you" and the reader acknowledging his immaturity with "i understand. you were young. you were scared", and we see when he grows, after a year passes and he meets the reader on the same beach after a year of longing and pining, giving her space because she asked, answering when she asks if he's afraid to accept that she is his fate - "鈥淚t鈥檒l scare me more if it isn鈥檛...I鈥檓 no longer a coward who鈥檚 gonna run from my fate, not if ya are my fate, my sweet. But I鈥檒l wait for ya til鈥 yer good and ready, if not this life then the next or the next after that. I鈥檒l wait forever if ya need.鈥
well. yeah i just hope my readers liked the ending as well.
imagery wise! well i definitely rehashed the original storm imagery - because let's be real, doesn't atsumu remind you of a storm? he's unpredictable, has a penchant for destructive behaviour, wild, but also breathtakingly beautiful and powerful. the reader on the other hand, especially after her injury, is a lot more ethereal, a sun maiden, almost - with thin strands of sunlight in her hair, "sunbeams curve, passing through her skin", or "the sunset reflected in her eyes" or her tasting of "sunshine and summer plums" or her "dressed in sunbeams and his jacket." i wanted that sort of juxtaposition between their roles, but they're also similar because they have weather related imagery used for them!
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amjustagirl5 days ago
is icarus finished锟???
icarus is finished!! all three chapters are already published, and you can find the first chapter here.
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amjustagirl5 days ago
nikki! i have a question, how can u know if someone is your mutual? like does it show if they are your mutual?
hrm so i googled - and this only works on desktop, but if you go to the desktop page that lists the tumblr users you follow, there should be a tick (or for me, a small green icon) that shows whether they're your mutual!
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amjustagirl5 days ago
hey Nikki it's ellie !! i noticed you found my account :0 it's not like i made it particularly hard but i'd like to keep sending anonymous asks if you don't mind
the latest kuroo post 鉂わ笍鉂わ笍鉂わ笍 okay you know how old i am, i've never been in a similar situation myself but i've been hearing a lot of things from friends and you know, not everyone is as respectful and patient and it was really nice seeing someone setting the standard, even if it's just a fictional character, does that make sense?
i also noticed you said a lot of angsty pieces are based on situations you observe and i had to say you have an interesting way of viewing things
anyway how are you? i'm doing great !! patiently wait for the Kita fic, taking care of my plants, studying calculus, and Japanese as i do that, i'm technically on a summer break but i want to get ahead in uni
you chose a major that would allow you to have a relatively normal job and to retire early right? not me 馃拃 i want to go into astrophysics but it feels so scary sometimes you know? the competition is HUGE and you always have to stay alert and informed about the latest advancements and opportunities, i don't mind the stress but i keep wondering whether i can make it or not
but oh well worst case scenario i'll open a flower shop and hope for smth au-ish like the day dreamer that i am
see that's why i'll stay anonymous, i always go off about whatever it is that crosses my mind, it's embarrassing
that aside i really hope you're doing well or at least surviving 馃挍馃尰
hehe i saw your reblog tags and found you!! please feel free to send in asks on anon - i have zero issues with it. i'm just happy you even wanna chat with me!!! like the recent kuroo post - yeah yknow i'm rly glad that you've never been in similar situation before, and i hope you never will because it's not....good - an understatement but yeah. it's sad that ppl think they have a right to dictate what another person does with their body but that's what happens when there isn't an emphasis on autonomy and consent when a kid is growing up! so..idk i just wanted to do my part cos that's something i feel very, very strongly about!
(ofc - to anyone reading this - if you wanna share your experiences or talk abt these issues, pls, pls pls. my inbox is always open to yall).
i....observe people. i watch people, i listen to their stories and i guess that where a lot of my inspiration to write angst comes from! idk does it make sick in the head or wtv but yeah. interesting HOW hahahaha.
i'm good and im happy to hear you're doing great! what sort of plants do you have! and omg smarty pants love that you're learning japanese!!! and calculus! you go girl! i think it's amazing that you're pursuing what you love - i think there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! but look, don't be scared about the competition as long as you tried, but my real world advice would be to always have a back up plan in case everything goes south. (maybe a flower shop???) don't be embarrassed about rambling, i rly love hearing from you :)
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amjustagirl5 days ago
WHAT ANIME AM I THINKING OF ;-; AND WHY DOES IT EXIST?!?! Like I read about it in passing and never looked at it again.
I looked it up!!! Looks very booby. xD
IT IS SO BOOBY OMG. i cannot i cannot and the husband was so disappointed i kennut with that damn anime rawr.
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amjustagirl5 days ago
hey nikki ! how are you ? and 猸愶笍 !
Lou! thank you for indulging me!! i'm good, trying to recover as fast as i can from the side effects of the vaccine (rawr) but yes! wbu - did you sign up for the exchange in the end?
thought i'd give the director's commentary to my oikawa fic Icarus!
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Icarus (oikawa x f!reader) :
hrm is it v conceited to admit i wrote this fic because i didn't really love his eventual ending in the manga. i personally found it a bit sad that he chose too play in argentina instead of being accepted and recognised for his talents in his home country, and be able to play on equal ground with his former rivals - but i can see the thematic beauty in him being kageyama's / ushijima's eternal rival but anyway - that's why i wrote a fic where he still finds success, both in argentina and japan but not at the price of leaving japan for good.
imagery wise, of course the title is a dead give away, and i had so much fun playing with lines like "Icarus, Icarus. Your hubris has led you to such heights, but look how far you鈥檝e fallen" - because oikawa truly is the ultimate icarus, isn't he. the boy with golden wax wings flying inexorably towards the sun. and the reader knows it and that's the basis for all her doubts, because a relationship with him will fail if he's unable to compromise his ambitions for her, and at the start, when they're so young, it does. but then when he meets her again later in life when his wings are broken (haha second chance trope, whoops), you can see him try to balance both love and volleyball and...idk i feel like that's probably the only way he might have a happy relationship.
and of course, because the reader in this fic is a medical student (and later, a doctor) and because oikawa suffers a life changing injury in the second act, i leaned a lot on visceral body part imagery (lol i don't have a more elegant phrase for it). so descriptions like "wring the liquid from your lungs, lay it on the floor to dry" and "fill the cavity of your chest with the remnants of your organs, secure them in place with stitches and staples" were used across the fic. i paired it with the personification of the reader's heart being a prisoner of her resolve not to fall in love again (especially with him) - "the heart that you鈥檝e locked away behind bars of bone and steel twitches, just once" just to show how fearful she is of loving him again, how she's been burnt once before and has locked her heart up away from him. all this to lead to the theme of courage in love - because it takes a lot of bravery to love, knowing that there's always the possibility of being hurt. but at the same time, idk - i hoped my readers could also see that the reader's choice to be cautious could also be interpreted as an act of self sabotage.
anyways. a funny thing about this fic - i was terrified that the love scene i wrote was inappropriate, I RAN IT PAST SO MANY OF MY MOOTS WHOOPS. and it really was a joy to write tooru because like atsumu, his personality lends himself really well to snappy dialogue, especially in the izakaya / karaoke scene when he's trying to stop the reader from flirting with atsumu whilst flirting with her himself LOL. sighs - oh toorus is just a bundle of joy to write HAHA.
ok i shall stop here. but ty lou for asking for this!!!
a/n: feel free to send me an ask if you want a director's commentary to any of my fics!!!
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amjustagirl5 days ago
i- thank you 馃ズ
i'll try sometime soon hopefully, i have an ongoing series and my event to think of sooo 馃槄 hopefully someone requests for kuroo!!
I'm sure you'll do great Sam bb! Hehe maybe I'll request kuroo from you!!!!! Challenge yourself and you'll definitely surprise yourself 鉂わ笍
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amjustagirl5 days ago
Imagine making a very mean bitch move:- accept their invitation but dip once Iwaoi鈥檚 wedding comes fkdhjdjd TOTALLY MEEEEE ASDFGHJKL AND THEN DISAPPEAR FROM THE FACE KF THE EARTH BC I DID NOT WANT TO MEET HAJI鈥橲 FACE DKKSKSKSSK
Noooo I'd personally feel so bad (cos ive planned a wedding before) and ppl who rsvp and don't turn up are the worst...but then it's not as if I invited someone I stole my husband from so.....shrugs.
Imma so conflicted nooo.
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amjustagirl5 days ago
Oh! I just can't read. xD oooh that sounds interesting!!!
Ahhh, I just looked it up at first i thought you were talking about the one where the dude like... Enters chicks bodies and idk what else happens? Maybe its their underwear??? xD
Hahaha omg no gurren lagann is a mecha anime that relies almost solely on deux ex machina to drive the plot forward which annoys me to no end, and a lot of the female characters are drawn...very much for guys (it's far fr being the worst offender but still.)
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