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amorjackharlow · 9 months

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𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄

𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅: 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐃𝐀𝐘

this is nothing but an enhancement of the person already within you. this is not to say you aren’t perfect in your own beautiful way and you need to change your whole self because you’re “not up to par”. i make this post to tell you to never put a limit on your growth because change is constant and the smallest things make the absolute biggest difference. this is an endless self improvement journey where you will make clear of your beautiful qualities buried underneath, embody the person you’ve always wanted to become, and find new lovely sides of yourself in the process. the idea of change, even in the slightest, shouldn’t be feared but instead welcomed. there is nothing better than evolving and being a better person than you were yesterday. remember that you can change at any time. you don’t have to wait until a new year, month, or week and note that it’s never too late to do so. there is no other time than now. this post will always be here for you to look back on. and of course, despite the mentions of dream girl, this post is for EVERYONE.

to start and this is very crucial, ask yourself a series of questions:

what are my deepest values in life? envisioning the dream person i desire to be, do the habits i hold support me on this journey? what are some things i need to let go of that i’ve been putting off? how have i been feeling these past few months? do the people i socialize with inspire & encourage me in my endeavors?

really take your time to think about what you value, ways you can support them and analyze things in your current life.

now that you’ve got the foundation, let’s begin and become the dream girl you want to be.

do right by you. you can’t do right by others if you abandon yourself for the sake of them.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

bring out the journal because we are going on a self discovery journey!

what are your goals that you’ve been wanting to achieve? start a business, do better in school and be at the top of your class, getting to places on time, be more open to meeting new people, reading more books a month, being more elegant, gentle, and kind…

what does the dream person in your mind look like? what habits and kind of friends do they have? how do they spend their time? how do they carry themselves?

what are some things you need to let go of in order to successfully embody this person? socializing with toxic people, not having structure in the day, excess social media usage, substance consumption, sleeping in, procrastinating, victimizing, the negative self-talk, gossip, letting people step all over you…

what are some habits you’ll need to cultivate? lessen social media usage, waking up and going to sleep early, eating healthy, exercising, picking up old and new hobbies again, more walks, starting work right away, being kind to yourself…

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐗

digital declutter: delete any and all useless apps. most of them are to be real with you. you don’t have to check your influencer’s new posts and vlogs and you will be okay if you miss out on the newest internet trends. for a little more push on letting go of social media, read my post on digital minimalism here.

remember, that this is a self development journey. you can’t and won’t accomplish the goals and habits of the it girl you want to be if you’re on your phone for more than half the day. be raw with yourself. let go of social media.

social group: really take some time to think about the people you hang around with. are they supportive? negative? do they talk bad about others? criminals? are they goal setters and high-achievers? do they support you and your goals? do they hang around with bad people?

the people you socialize with tells a lot about your character. seriously! if you hang out with people who treat others like garbage (for no reason), if THEY knowingly socialize with people who do tons of horrible things, where do YOUR morals lie? yes, they have been nice to you and you’ve known them for years but that excuse begins to fade when you are striving to be a better person and morals come into play. the environment you tolerate will hold you back.

don’t feel bad about doing this. i did at first but it’ll go away, trust me when i say you’ll do so much better.

most importantly, self care: how you carry and treat yourself shows others how to treat you. once you acknowledge what you are worthy of, you will not allow yourself to settle for anything that doesn’t meet your standards and much less allow yourself to tumble back into old, unhealthy ways.

enforce boundaries on yourself and others. get rid of the habits of bashing yourself when you make an honest mistake or your work performance/grades are low, stop saying horrible things when you look in the mirror, stop complaining and staying up at night for unnecessary reasons, damaging your health, stop letting people insult you, quit over explaining yourself.

detox ending note: again, take it easy with yourself. the more you exercise and strengthen your self-discipline, the easier this detox will be for you. you can start by applying a few habits at a time until it’s basically a part of a routine and go on from there but you have to remember to take it seriously in implementing it into your daily routine/life.

tell yourself that you are doing amazing because you are! you are striving to be better you every single day! how is that not admirable? you are always doing your best even if it may not feel like it.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

now that you have a clear vision of things even if it’s little! you need to do in order to fully embody your dream self, it’s time to put things into motion.

how can you do this? enforcing self-discipline and setting boundaries.

think of motivation as a power boost at the starting line and your foot pressing on the pedal of your car is discipline, it’s what keeps you going forward on your journey. motivation, as fleeting as it is won’t bring you far but self-discipline will.

DEVELOPING SELF DISCIPLINE

self-discipline: the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.

boundaries

a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.

remind yourself of the life you want to live and the person you desire to be, remember that all of your desires have always been within reach. you just have to break out of the barrier you’ve put up for yourself, fight through the fear and the “what if’s” and just do it! the person you wish to be is already within you.

thinking of and wanting to start is one thing but actually starting, no matter how small has already moved mountains you can’t yet see.

WHERE TO START

self-discipline and boundaries go hand in hand. setting healthy boundaries will shine light on the path you want to take by making sure you’re staying protected by actions made by you and other people and discipline keeps you in check so that you can go about your self improvement journey the best that you can!

this can look like…

overcoming the urge to wallow in past failures and instead looking forward to a chance at a new beginning.

putting yourself first. taking care of your mind, body, and soul.

getting out of bed to finish your tasks even if you wanted to sleep in.

correcting yourself when you were slipping up on an old habit without self criticism.

making sure your boundaries allow you to grow and fix them as you seek fit

learning the best ways to say no and yes

being more considerate and kind to yourself and others.

not letting futile thoughts, ideas, and actions hinder your progress.

finally putting forth projects you’ve pushed aside.

picking yourself back up after a difficult time even if it took a while.

more on boundaries here: BOUNDARIES 101

habits to acquire:

thinking of which times you felt down and uplifted and figuring out what contributed to those feelings. avoid habits and situations that don’t serve you and bring in more of what made you feel good about yourself and how you can further enhance that experience.

not rushing your personal journey

having a set routine. morning + night ideas.

standing firm on your boundaries

stop comparing.

becoming a digital minimalist

identifying with old habits and perceptions of yourself

investing in your appearance (because pampering is relaxing!)

not caring about what others think of you

taking care of your mind, body, and soul. tuning into what you need and what is best for you, fully influenced and putting things into motion because it’s what you truly want, not for pleasing others or trying to “fit in”

enjoying stillness

indulging in old and new hobbies every day. make it a priority!

more ideas here!

CONTINUING TO STRENGTHEN DISCIPLINE

how do habits form? how do people get better at what they set their minds to? by figuring out what works for them and what doesn’t, what their roadblocks are and from then on, repetition and consistency.

keep in mind that healing and improvement is subjective. make it work for you so that you are setting yourself up for success. take what you see from posts like these, videos, and books and refine it to make it fit perfectly with how you would like things to go.

take the habits you intend to leave behind and the ones you’d like to acquire and map out how you would go about leaving the past in the past to welcome in the new.

figure out what your roadblocks are. when there comes a time where it’s hard to continue forward on your path, tune into your body and mind. what is it telling you? there is something that is bothering you that needs to be addressed. are you well rested? have you had enough water today? are you overstimulated? are there any illnesses that can easily flare up and be the reason why you’re feeling this way?

don’t beat yourself up for feeling demotivated and unreasonably drained. most of the time, it’s really not the case. you just need to figure out what is going on and address it gently and sometimes you won’t really know what’s going on until later on and that’s okay!

i would always feel drained or overstimulated with my depression, adhd, and chronic fatigue. it would cause me to flare up and enter episodes (depressive and manic). the things i would realize was that it was either caused by: an triggering/traumatic event, intense emotions that didn’t have an outlet, continuous outings. and sometimes flares up will just happen and i began to understand that.

i didn’t blame myself for having illnesses. i just grew aware that what really matters is: i get through it every. single. time. and i will be okay even if i literally felt my world was crashing down on me yet again.

something that can help when dealing with episodes is that when you feel it coming on, prepare yourself so you can get through it even if it makes the experiences just a little bit better by 1%. taking a shower and brushing your teeth, cleaning up your space, gathering snacks and easy to make meals, telling a trusted loved one you won’t be available but might need their support, trying your best to go on walks even if it’s hard, putting on comfortable clothes, etc.

which one works for you? working your way up, going all in or both? it really all depends on what this method applies to. if you think changing your routine by the slightest will be a good step, do it or if you feel confident that deleting all the apps on your phone all at once is something you want to do, go all in.

keep track of your accomplishments. tracking your accomplishments will show how much you’ve done and keep you on your feet! nothing beats the feeling than looking back at all the things you’ve done before heading towards the rest of your goals with your head high. anything is possible. remind yourself that you can do it. sort it to yearly, monthly, and daily to do lists! it’s always the best thing to look at when there are times where you don’t feel like you did “enough”. your effort is more than enough!

and so you take a few days to rest. relaxing, taking a vacation… does this mean you’re being inconsistent? absolutely… not. duh? resting is being productive. putting yourself first IS self care! reward yourself with relaxing days spent by traveling, resting, going out etc. do what makes you happy and be safe. keeping a balance is SUPER important!

“take things slow with yourself. if your body wants to rest, let it rest. let your mind rest as well by letting go all the worries of “why you’re not active”. who cares if you take a slow day? do you know how much you’ve been through? the least you can do for yourself is be comfortable in your own bed without a care in the world. you’ve experienced enough guilt. let yourself be free knowing that you deserve to rest. you deserve moments of stillness. enjoy the now. it’s all we have. we’re not always meant to be up and running. we simply weren’t made that way. there is beauty in stillness, peace, and quiet. don’t put it to shame. instead, let your mind, body, and soul experience more of it.

do things at your own pace. if you think you can get up, brush your teeth and that’s all that you can do for the day, so be it. don’t force yourself to do things you can’t handle. you’ll be doing more harm than good. take it day by day. add an extra task as days go on. do something you believe will be fulfilling like going on a quick walk around the block, going to the store to get a drink, baking a treat, sitting outside for a few minutes at a time.”

— blushydior in be kind to yourself. healing is a journey.

𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔

read this with conviction:

“as of this very moment, i am leaving my old and undesired self behind; the past mistakes, the unhealthy habits, how i used to treat myself and the way i allowed others to treat me, and all the pain i have held on to for so long. it’s all gone now. even if i may or may not have a clear vision of the dream person i am now embodying, i will remain open minded and brave into learning and growing each and everyday. i am not my past mistakes nor my trauma. i’m safe and secure now. and because i’m aware of my infinite power of having full control of my reality, i am rewriting my story.”

you are not your past mistakes. you are not the negative words you have been told. you are who you want to be. everything in your world holds absolutely no meaning unless you assign it meaning thus, giving it power. turn a blind eye to things that don’t serve you, put yourself first and watch how you will bloom vibrantly.

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅.

NOTHING IS OUT OF REACH. everything you want is already within you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

GIVE PERFECT A MEANING OF YOUR OWN! you are still an it girl if you make mistakes, you are still a healthy, recovering person with a few very tough days this week.

you are perfect for:

taking it easy

always trying your best even if it doesn’t feel like it

making a mistake and learning from it

telling yourself: “i had a tough day today but it’s okay! i’m going to rest and take it easy. i’m okay. i am always doing my best. there’s nothing to worry about. tomorrow will be an amazing day.”

allowing yourself to cry, feel, and express your thoughts and emotions

putting your need first

using fear as an opportunity to grow

YOU ARE PERFECT LIKE YOU.

REMEMBER: THIS IS A JOURNEY

you will grow at your own pace naturally.

don’t compare yourself to others, they too had a past and obstacles to overcome (and still do!) to get where they are at right now.

don’t rush into things, handling more than you could at once.

don’t beat yourself up for not knowing certain things earlier. everyone learns and realizes things differently.

this is not a race, there’s no routine that is supposed to be one size fits all. this is a self paced journey. you will realize and see things at a different perspective as events unfold, you will outgrow the people around you and the bad habits as you find yourself at a more stable chapter in your life. don’t rush, don’t compare, just keep looking forward.

𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

i have fully embodied my definition of a dream girl/boy/person.

i carry myself with full confidence and elegance.

there is not a day that goes by where i don’t do my best.

i’m beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, kind, and gentle.

i am the best version of myself.

success is inevitable for me. i am successful at everything i do.

i have all of my desired qualities.

i become better and better each and every day!

my self awareness increases every second. i have the most perfect mental diet.

it’s so easy for me to persist in new and beneficial thoughts. flipping thoughts is just way too easy.

i am in full control of my reality. i am fully aware of my potential and i will never let anything or anyone affect me.