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I had a terrible dream last night in which I accidentally blew up a car and got arrested, but the worst part was I had to run around all over the place in ice skates- in a parking lot, among other places. Sacrilegious. Also kind of inconvenient for running fast, that’s probably why they caught me.

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this person’s response to being constantly assaulted by their own cats is to hide inside an enclosed tent in their living room

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Welcome to Lobster Town

#i love him your honor #behold my favorite skater everyone

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Though the proverbial "showdown at high noon" is largely a media invention, many famous gunslingers of the American Old West did engage in formal duels at least occasionally. The main differences from the popular media version are twofold:

Formal duels were rare; most famous gunslingers duelled only once or twice in their entire careers, and a gunslinger with three or more duels under their belt would have been considered extraordinarily prolific (and also extraordinarily stupid – see below);

Those gunslingers who did duel typically made a point of accepting challenges only from opponents of demonstrably inferior skill; there was something of an unspoken agreement among prolific duellists to avoid duelling each other by any means necessary, as they knew the surest way to cut short one's career was to duel someone who actually knew what they were doing!

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because some day I want to write a semi-competitive tabletop RPG where the player characters are all rival gunslingers living the high life on manufactured drama and exaggerated tales of their legendary prowess while going to elaborate lengths to avoid having to actually fight each other.

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Adam Siao Him Fa has the uncanny ability to swing wildly in appearance between “at least 35 years old, surely” and “cat”

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Adam Siao Him Fa photographed by Sven Vee (x)

#why he sit like that

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shoutout to the "foolproof" bread recipe I fucked up entirely for inspiring this

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Piper and Paul's Wuthering Heights from Worlds because:

it's Wuthering Heights and their performance is hauntingly beautiful

I am going to miss this program so so much next season

#wuthering heights #come get your wuthering heights here #I never really got this program until worlds and then I FELT it #I’m gonna miss it

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Chinchilla commission I got to work on 💖

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Tumblr ate it before, here is the full narrative in all its fanficcy glory, except it was an actual dream that I actually had. Unintentional Succession and figure skating rpf fanfic about Ilia Malinin (the guy who skated to music from the show)

At the beginning of the dream, I somehow find myself in The Wilderness, I Guess, with no idea how I got there or what I was previously doing, as dreams tend to go. Some rich people bring me onto their boat and are sorta nice to me but the vibes are also way off, especially this one old guy, he reminds me of my impression of the dad from Succession, I think, and he starts acting like he thinks I was there to spy on him and not just hopelessly confused after getting lost and being invited onto his boat. I’m starting to get a little concerned about this whole situation, which I should have been a long time ago but my brain wasn’t working, but Ilia shows up out of nowhere like “no it’s cool, I know her” and invites me to come home with him and his family (the rich people on the boat)

I accept this impromptu invitation because in the dream, he and I go to the same college and kind of know each other but aren’t really close, and it still seems like a smart and wise decision at the time. Also I’m still confused in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of kinda intimidating strangers and at least I know who he is.

Immediately it becomes even clearer, his family is rich, like filthy, disgusting rich, he doesn’t even have any idea how rich they are, and half of them don’t either. Also, there is Tension afoot. I don’t know any details, of course, but I know #FamilyTension when I see it. Something about the grandfather getting old and who he’s going to pass the company on to, and everybody wants it, and everybody’s kind of an asshole about it and also just in general. Except Ilia who just seems a little lost in he middle of it all, like he’s not quite sure how he got there either. They’re kind of awful to him, but they’re just awful all the time.

“Like Succession,” I think. What a distressingly personal music choice. I wonder if they know.

I have not seen Succession, but I have seen a gif of the scene where the guy laughs and the other guy says “laugh at the same volume as everyone else- we didn’t adopt you from the hyena farm.”

Immediately, that happens. Verbatim.

Am I- are we- I look at Ilia. He looks back at me, frightened? Pained? Silently pleading with me to understand something a human mind can hardly be asked to comprehend?

I keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open.

Now, not only is the family kinda fucked up and, well, Succession-y, they’re also weird. They’re just weird. They’re weirdly quiet, like they’re tiptoeing around everyone all the time. There’s this weird, almost cult-like devotion to the grandfather who currently owns the company and who we only rarely see- they all hate him, but they also fawn over him, and he almost never leaves his office, a place that begins to hold such inexplicable dread for me that I can hardly stand to walk past the door.

They’re also weird about me.

“Just a friend,” Ilia said, but I don’t think the family got the memo because they’re acting like we’re getting married. Or… no, that’s not really the vibe, do they think he like “Congratulations, you’re my sister now, I just have to get the fam to approve” because that IS the vibe especially after they just sort of picked me up like a stray cat from the edge of the lake but like- what. Or do they think I’m trying to join their weirdo secret society grandfather-worshipping cult thingy, because I can assure them- anyway, whatever, they’re weird and I don’t think they like me.

His aunt is always scribbling notes whenever she’s around me and passing them on to the grandfather. I sneak a look once- “fidgets with hands too much while speaking; smiles too big” which were things I had just done as we spoke a second ago. For some reason, I’m less self-conscious and more… maybe starting to fear for my life. Just a little.

Maybe it’s just normal weird family stuff, but somehow it feels way more serious than that. It’s all giving me vibes of at least two movies and a music video where the guy brings a girl home and his family tries to like sacrifice her or something, except instead of some ritual I’ll be sacrificed on the alter of family image, I guess, also known as murdered for being a little awkward. I’ve been trying really hard to be polite and act like it’s all normal and stuff, but finally I have to ask, and finally there’s a moment with no family members creepily taking notes on my every muscle contraction.

“Ilia, be honest. On a scale of one to ten, how worried should I be about your family?”

And he’s like, “They’re not my family. They think they’re my family, and as long as they do, I’m- not safe, but safe-er. I can’t really protect you, but if they think I’m someone to them and you’re someone to me, I mean, I can probably keep you from mysteriously turning up missing?”

And I’m like, “Ilia.”

And he’s like, “You know Succession? You recognized the hyena farm line, at least. We’re in the show. We need to play along, and then we need to get out.”

And I’m like. I don’t know what I’m like. I’m just. Like.

And he goes on, “I’ve never fought anyone, but I’m a figure skater and they’re all oldish and don’t do anything except worry about inheriting the company and sabotaging each other- I can take them, hopefully. But seriously, they don’t want to hurt me, same for you as long as you don’t seem like someone who’ll hurt the family image, but if they find out I’m not actually family, now we know all this stuff about them and the company, and we’re not even supposed to be in this story… things happen. We’re just characters.”

“I’d like to get out right now.” I have grand plans of climbing out a window and making my escape that very night. I take another look at him and try to find my real memories, the ones that aren’t part of the show Succession, apparently. “We’ve never met in real life, have we. That’s okay, you get me out of here, and I’ll give you a ride to wherever your actual family is.”

“We can’t escape that way. We have to get to the right point in the story.”

“Well how did we get stuck in this stupid show in the first place?”

We’ve been whispering together in the darkened kitchen, but like a bolt of lightning, we’re illuminated by the light from the hall as his “aunt” stands silhouetted in the doorway.

“Dad wants to see you.”

I woke up shortly thereafter and didn’t get to find out what happened, but when I tell you I was scared

#succession #figure skating #ilia malinin #it may be more knives out than succession but anyway

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it's incredible to see how you're like tangentially getting interested in succession because of ilia 😭😭 also, about that gifset you reblogged and said you imagined ilia as that character: that character is roman roy, and imo he's absolutely the most terrible/fucked up one out of the siblings (and my favorite)

I don’t even like his skating that much 😭😭 he just fascinates me, like who is this guy?

Then I up and have a dream where his family is the Succession family, but not actually, he’s trapped in the show and now so am I and they want to kill me and probably him too if they find out he also doesn’t belong. I think Roman was his “uncle” lmao

Roman is so casually horrible, it’s incredible. What compels a person to skate to music from a show where everyone is so awful? I continue to be fascinated. It’s really good music

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Oh these characters are fucked up fucked up

- Me after watching 2 clips from Succession

Also Ilia Malinin might have been a bit overconfident to say he thought he could take those guys in a fight in the dream I had where we got stuck in the show and the family was maybe plotting to make me disappear because they knew I wasn’t supposed to be in the story. They’re a lot younger than I thought and probably taller than him. I would’ve died.

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what's the opposite of feeling sand slip through your fingers because I feel this poem more and more as time passes

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kind of a milf. reblog.

#me on my way to the kitchen for a snicky snack at 3am