anartofblooming - Tumblr blog

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

Depression and the Shower

Disclaimer: This is what’s worked for me and I’m by no means claiming one size fits all in this post. I also realize that not everyone is in a relationship or married, so I’ve also added some tips for getting back into this habit of self care independently at the bottom of this post. I hope it serves you well!

When you’re depressed enough, it’s difficult to take care of yourself. At times, my struggles with mental illness have made it challenging for me to even do the basics. I dreaded leaving the house, answering my emails felt intimidating, and keeping up with basic hygiene was daunting. I have moments where my mind and body feel so heavy, it makes stepping into the shower a taxing and overwhelming process. A few days pass and as my hair experiences its buildup, so does my guilt. Unhelpful thoughts float into my headspace.

“My partner must think I’m gross.”

“I’m setting a bad example for my step son.”

“If people outside see me, they’ll think I’m dirty.”

“I must be the most disgusting person in the world.”

These thoughts do nothing to help me, and if you’re experiencing similar thoughts, they’re probably doing nothing to help you either. When I put things in perspective, I know these thoughts don’t reflect the truth. My partner knows I’m depressed and, even when I’m a mess, he reminds me how beautiful he finds me. I’m doing my best to help teach my step son to become more self reliant and I can see his self esteem growing. The last person who saw me outside offered to help me with my garage door when he saw that I struggled to fortify it as our town prepared for a storm. Frankly, I don't know who the most disgusting person in the world is, but I hope that person is compassionate with themselves. We all deserve a break when we’re not feeling like our best selves. Most of us would extend that kindness to others but refuse to extend it to ourselves and the latter is something that needs to change.

My partner and I decided that we would take our showers together a few times per week, and this decision is helping me break past my mental and emotional barriers.

Why Showering Together can be Healing

1. The Overwhelm Diffuses

Walking into the shower together felt less daunting. When I felt heavy, I could just close my eyes and lean into my partner under the stream of water. This made showering less of a chore for me.

2. The Feeling of Being Nurtured

Being cared for put me at greater ease and made me feel loved. My partner took his time shampooing my hair, massaging a pleasant scrub into my skin, and gently rinsing me with the shower head.

3. The Feeling of Nurturing

In turn, I wanted to shampoo his hair, massage his skin with the nice body scrub, and gently rinse him. In nurturing him, I am loving him, and as wonderful as it feels to be loved, it is also so wonderful to give and love in return. It’s a feeling that fills my heart.

4. The Cuddles

In the small space of our shower, there’s a lot of room for cuddling. Without saying a word, we’re bonding. Popular science discusses oxytocin, a hormone our body releases through physical touch like cuddling. Oxytocin facilitates relaxation and calmness in the brain; it also makes you feel more bonded than you previously were. Cuddles actually have antidepressant effects.

5. Body Image

When I’m at one of my lowest points, my first instinct is to try to hide myself. There’s a subtle voice in my head that tells me that my body isn’t good enough for reasons x, y and z. Standing there naked, being embraced and nurtured by my partner, throws that voice out the window. I realize that the eyes gazing back into mine aren’t judgmental, they’re loving. I then realize: I ought to look at myself the same way he looks at me when I’m facing a mirror.

6. Independent Self Care Becomes Easier

I treasure the showers my partner and I take together and I also treasure my independence. Creating this routine with him has been chipping away at my mental barrier with self care. I became more motivated to shower myself on a regular basis. I take my time to shampoo my hair, massage a nice scrub into my skin, and gently rinse the soaps off.

If You Choose to Approach this Independently

1. Try the two minute rule. Run the water over yourself for two minutes and stand there. If you want to get out of the shower, then get out, and if you feel like you want to stay, then stay. The first two minutes are a huge step in your healing process.

2. In the moments you want to stay in the shower, try spending a tiny bit of time nurturing yourself. Massage pleasant soaps into your skin and hair, find a water temperature you enjoy, or have some music you like playing from the counter.

3. When you step out of the shower, write, “I love you,” over the steamed up mirror with your finger and take a second to internalize that message. It might be a bit cheesy, but affirmations like this do help a lot of people.

Slowly but surely, you’ll start taking better care of yourself and hopefully you can turn showering into a ritual you love. I’m working on improving my own ritual as we speak. I’m thinking of decorating my bathroom with candles and string lights, creating a shower playlist, and making my own soaps with essential oils that I enjoy. Mental illness can make it hard to take care of yourself but there’s always hope, and some of it can be found in single water droplets.

If you’d like to see more posts like this, please drop a like.

If you think more people can benefit from this post, please pass it along.

6 notes · View notes

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

Fermented Food of the Day: Pickled Cucumbers

In my journey to balance out my glutamate and GABA neurotransmitters (more information about this on my blog), I found a great recipe from wellnessmama.com, which guides its readers to personalize their fermented pickled cucumber recipe as they like. I would suggest, as Katie Wells, the author of this article, does to substitute sugar for good quality honey if you’d like your fermented pickles to be sweeter.

If you’ve got the time on your hands, I always recommend fermenting your own foods, as that’s the best way to avoid consuming the harmful additives that can interfere with your healing adventure.

https://wellnessmama.com/427918/refrigerator-pickles/

Image taken from popoptiq.com

Like and follow if you’d like to see more posts like this!

PASS THIS ON SO MORE PEOPLE CAN JOIN OUR RESEARCH-BASED HEALING ADVENTURE!

3 notes · View notes

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

The Perils of Digital Escapism and the Power of a Digital Detox

Disclaimer: this is my own personal experience with digital escapism and I hope that sharing this experience might serve others who’ve gone through something similar, especially at a time where most of us are locked down because of COVID-19. I’m not claiming one size fits all.

It’s been about six months since I’d relapsed into a deepened state of depression. After a series of challenging events, I was incredibly overwhelmed. At the time, I didn’t have it in me to go through the pain of processing my emotions and, as a result, I withdrew into the numbing world of my phone. I felt safe there, mindlessly playing games for hours on end, but it was a false sense of safety. The more I withdrew into my device, the harder it became for me to function and enjoy the things I once used to.

Tasks like brushing my teeth, showering, and keeping my space clean became progressively daunting, let alone handling the greater responsibilities of adulthood. Overeating food without actually tasting it magnified the numbing effect, so I gained 16 kilos over a span of four months. I felt so uncomfortable in my own body, my need to withdraw grew stronger. I barely engaged with my partner, friends and family. I essentially became a sad potato that would migrate from my bed to the couch every single day for those months.

This was deadening me inside. I wanted to withdraw more privately, to ease the guilt I felt when I was seen in my vegetative state. So, I slept throughout most of the day and spent most of my nights wide awake. The lack of sunlight, in turn, made my depression worse. I was quickly heading down through the vortex of a downward spiral and I knew that, if I kept going through this vortex, my suffering would ultimately become much worse.

The Perils of Digital Escapism

1. It prolongs recovery unnecessarily

The longer I escaped, the harder it was for me to bounce back and practice healthier habits. It IS doable, but I had to jump through more hoops and my path to recovery was unnecessarily extended.

2. It can take a toll on the body

The mindless activity of escaping into a device lead me to mindlessly eat too. Mindless eating leads to weight gain. The more I escaped into my devices, the more I became sedentary. I became more prone to painful infections, developed severe GI issues and sleep apnea, became a pre-diabetic and, to my disbelief, began experiencing internal bleeding that made me anemic. I felt trapped inside my own body. Every movement became uncomfortable and strenuous.

3. It exacerbates mental illness

The state of my mental health became worse. The minor benefit I got from retreating into the world in my device was akin to placing a bandaid on an amputation. It doesn’t work. In the same way that poorly dealing with an amputation can result in bleeding to death, dealing poorly with a mental illness can have horrible results.

4. Self esteem takes a hit

Failing to take care of myself made me feel guilty and ashamed. Then, not processing those feelings only made them fester. I’d think, “wow, I’m so useless, worthless, pathetic, etc. etc. etc.” To no surprise, this negative self talk made my depression worse.

5. Relationships suffer

I was barely engaging with my partner, friends and family. I can say, with confidence, that this was the worst side effect of digital escapism for me. I felt lonely, isolated and disconnected from the world.

6. Purpose and meaning are stripped

The days blended into one another and I lost my sense of meaning and purpose. I had no reason to wake up in the morning, but went through the motions anyway. This created a nihilistic undertone that cast a shadow on my life, stoking a small flame of anxiety into a raging fire.

7. Sleep loses its quality

My sleep became irregular, further exacerbating my physical, mental, and emotional suffering. On the outside, I was motionless but, on the inside, I was restless. This made my anxiety worse.

It was time to make a change.

I unsubscribed from all my streaming services, deleted the games on my phone and placed restrictions on my social media apps using an app blocker. I let my partner set the password so I couldn’t go back and surrender to the temptation of my devices when I felt anxious. I entered the process of a digital detox and the positive change this created for me was monumental.

The Power of a Digital Detox

1. The discomfort of zero distractions motivates productivity

Because I couldn’t escape or distract myself anymore, I had to fill my days with other activities; specifically, those activities I avoided in my digital escape. I used the two minute rule for anything I found daunting. Washing dishes? I put a two minute timer on and gave myself permission to stop when it went off. Responding to an email? Two minutes to start my draft. Brushing my hair? Two minutes. What ended happening is this: once I started I, more often than not, finished the task working past the two minute mark. It was much easier than I had perceived it to be before starting. If I was having a really bad day, I still accomplished my two minutes and that felt good, even if I only did a single two minute task that day.

2. Couch potatoes become sweet potatoes

I began to move more. It’s boring to sit on a couch all day without the distraction of a phone or the television. I began making to do lists for myself and moved around inside the house. I even began to go for short walks outside, something which was previously very daunting for me. All the weight I’d gained began to drop and with it my health issues began to diminish as well.

3. Mental health improves

I began to take more interest in things again, like learning, drawing, and writing. I was listening to audiobooks while cleaning and taught myself new skills, like how to start a solid fire in a Norwegian Winter.

4. Self esteem improves

Becoming productive as a result of my digital detox made me feel good about myself. I was accomplishing things and this made me feel useful, worthy, competent, etc. etc. etc. I was motivated to treat myself well as a result. The more I treated myself with respect, self compassion and self care, the more confident I felt.

5. Relationships improve

began to engage more with my loved ones. This made me feel more connected to the world. I started laughing more often, relating to others and forming new memories. The feeling of connection was the most powerful benefit of my digital detox.

6. There’s more focus on self care I began to connect with my body in a nurturing way. I’d dance with my partner as we cooked in the kitchen, I’d apply body lotion to enjoy its feeling and scent, and I began to take pleasure in brushing my hair until it felt silky. I sought to feel good in ways that were healthy for me.

7. Purpose and meaning is discovered once more

I became more intentional with how I spent each day, and this was reviving. I then took a step further by setting my intentions for the next day by writing them down the night before. Over time, I started to feel more excited about my life and what I could do with it.

8. Sleep improves

My sleep became more regular, giving me a bit more energy to take on the process of recovery. I started feeling more rested and relaxed. My energy began to replenish itself.

I Didn’t Forgo Technology Altogether

Rather, I am using it more purposefully now. I use my phone to catch up with friends and family, as well as make shopping lists for my trips to the grocery store. On my laptop, I’m working on writing my book, research, and creating this blog, and the television is solely reserved for movie time with my partner and step son. I do still use social media, but I’ve tailored my app blockers to only give me access for an hour a day, starting at 6:30pm after dinner and ending at 7:30pm. Disconnecting from distracting apps is allowing me to reconnect with the world and this is the radical self care I needed to become proactive in my healing journey.

#love #self love #mental health #instagood #follow #life #coronavirus #quarantine #new #followme #explorepage #healingjourney #lifestyle #explore #repost #winter #2021vision #2021goals #2021challenge

9 notes · View notes

anartofblooming · 3 years

Photo

This is for all my fellow caterpillars striving to break out their cocoons <3

7 notes · View notes

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

Fermented Food of the Day: Red Cabbage (i.e. Red Sauerkraut)

Red Cabbage Sauerkraut is even more nutrient abundant than traditional sauerkraut because it boasts six times more the amount of Vitamin C, which has the added benefit for making healthier skin! This recipe, by fermentation recipes.com, goes into greater detail explaining the benefits of fermenting red cabbage:

https://www.fermentationrecipes.com/red-cabbage-sauerkraut/487

Image taken from fermentationrecipes.com

1 note · View note

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

The Fireplace

Recently, I’ve come to fall in love with the process of making a fire. There is just something so soothing about it, and building this skill is building my self esteem. It’s a mindful process for me.

I enjoy the process of carefully gliding my knife under the skin of the birch logs to create wood shavings. I have a little basket I collect them in, so I can use them for the foundation of my fire. These are the most flammable parts of the wood so they make the process of starting a fire quite simple and easy. When I have a full basket of shavings, I take them in my palms. and start to lay them against the floor of my fireplace, until it’s completely covered.

I take two of the smallest shaven logs and place them upright in the back of the stove. I have one last, long wood shaving in my hand that I’ve saved. I grab the matchbox and light the match, scraping its brown tip down along the side of the box to watch it spark and turn aglow. Then, I light the edge of the shaving. Pretty little sparks quickly start dancing across its edges and I throw it into the fire before the flame reaches my fingers. The moment it hits the floor of the stove, my fire starts. The logs in the back are licked by dancing flames and as the wood starts to crackle, I throw in more logs. My fire is strong now.

Then, comes my favorite part. I close my eyes and listen to it crackle. I feel its warmth gently touching my face, palms and legs. I have a blanket around my shoulders and a pair of my coziest socks on. The kettle in the kitchen goes off and I pour myself a little cappuccino in a wooden mug. I can’t forget to sprinkle some cinnamon on it. I face an armchair and a stool in front of my fire, and sit back stretching my legs out to feel the fire warm my feet.

For a moment, everything is perfect. I hear the sound of the fire crackling and there’s a delicate and subtle scent of smoke. I close my eyes and let the fire gently warm me as I hold the mug of coffee in my palms. I take my first sip, and the pleasant taste of cinnamon travels to warm my insides to compliment the fire’s warmth on my skin. I live in Northern Norway, above the arctic circle, and outside it’s snowing. This morning, this fire is my self care.

10 notes · View notes

anartofblooming · 3 years

Photo

Writing. Creating things. Laughing with my partner. Calling my friends. Cuddling with my dog. Learning something new. Going outside. Reading books. When my mind feels like a place of darkness, these are the things that help me turn on the light. How do you turn on yours?

1 note · View note

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

Fermented Food of the Day: Green Cabbage (i.e. Sauerkraut)

Homemade sauerkraut is a great way to begin if you are new to fermenting, as it’s quite easy and requires less than a handful of ingredients! Sauerkraut goes great as a side dish for sausage, steaks, and other cooked meats. This recipe, by Justine Pattison, from BBC Food offers a great step by step guide to make sauerkraut at home:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/sauerkraut_19958

Photo taken from elizabethrider.com

1 note · View note

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

The Benefits of GABA

In my last post, I discussed how GABA helps protect the brain from the overstimulation of glutamate. While glutamate is excellent for learning and memory retention, it can be toxic when it’s overabundant in the brain, leading to issues like epilepsy and anxiety disorders.

For this post, I originally wanted to make a list of all the fermented food recipes I could find to cater to a range of palates, as we all have different tastes. My search for these recipes was so successful that I’ve found over 100 foods that can be fermented. I tried to write them all down here, but the post was getting too long and I was getting writer’s fatigue. So, here’s what I’m going to do. As part of this blog, I’m going to write daily posts called, “Fermented Recipe of the Day.”

I’d also like to use this post as an opportunity to list the benefits of GABA, so here it goes!

The Benefits of GABA

Illustration by Yaoyao Man Van As

Relieves anxiety

Reduces feelings of stress

Improves sleep and prevents insomnia

Prevents brain damage

Anti-microbial properties

Anti-seizure properties

Antioxidant properties

Prevents diabetes

Prevents high blood pressure

May promote enhanced thinking and improved concentration

May increase levels of growth hormone in building muscle and rehabilitating muscles after a workout

A source I used for this blog post:

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326847#summary

1 note · View note

anartofblooming · 3 years

Photo

The Effects of Glutamate and GABA on Brain Health

Glutamate and GABA are like the Yin and Yang of the nervous system; they need to be balanced in order to maintain a healthy brain. Glutamate, which affects over 90% of the brain, is an excitatory neurotransmitter. This means that it functions to stimulate your nervous system. Glutamate plays an important role in learning and memory. However, having too much glutamate can lead to conditions such as epilepsy and cognitive disorders. GABA is an inhibitory neurotransmitter. That means it serves to protect the brain from being overstimulated by glutamate. A deficiency in GABA may result in increased anxiety.

Glutamate is actually used to create more GABA in the brain when it’s combined with an enzyme called Glutamate Decarboxylase. This enzyme is found in lactic acid and lactic acid is found in fermented foods! In my next few posts, I’ll be compiling lists of foods that can help produce more GABA. I’ll also be compiling a list of foods high in glutamate to examine what foods should be consumed with less frequency for those suffering from anxiety disorders and epilepsy.

Cheers!

Elizabeth

Sources I’ve Used to Write This Post:

https://www.kenhub.com/en/library/anatomy/neurotransmitters

A downloadable peer reviewed article that can be found with an online search: “Glutamate Decarboxylase from Lactic Acid Bacteria—A Key Enzyme in GABA Synthesis” by MDPI

2 notes · View notes

anartofblooming · 3 years

Photo

#flower #dirt #soil #depression #ocd #ocdwarrior #cptsd #cptsdawareness #adhd #thriving #everyflowermustgrowthroughdirt #resilience #diabetes #pcos #hope

10 notes · View notes

anartofblooming · 3 years

Text

Starting as a Little Seed

I’ve recently started writing a novel. One of my main characters, oddly, is a seed and she is trapped in the soil underground. Much like a fetus in a mother’s womb, she holds her knees close to her chest inside the soil. Unlike the womb, however, the soil is not a place of security or comfort. It is dark and cold beneath the earth. The prickly roots of neighboring plants stab at her skin. She can feel critters, small but menacing, gnawing at her for their sustenance and she fears they might consume her. The dirt is encasing her whole body firmly; it is heavy and she is still so small, so she can’t push against it. She cannot move. It is so suffocating, the seed struggles to breath, to hear, to open her eyes, to utter but a faint sound. This is her life beneath the earth.

The seed longs to break through the ground. It is cold there, so she longs to feel the sunlight gently warm her skin. The colors are dull there and she yearns to see the vivid and rich palate that exist above ground. She craves to move ever so spritely, to taste foods once bland like something new and pleasurable, to hear music that awakens her soul, to get lost in the scents of Jasmine and Honeysuckle. Most importantly, she wants to feel with her whole heart what it’s like to fall in love with herself and the world around her. She wants to bloom.

This is my story and it’s a story of rebirth. The underground symbolizes mental illness and I intend to break through that ground into the world above, where I can bloom. I’ve started this blog to document my journey. If you’re struggling, I hope that this might help you bloom too.

#depression #obsessive compulsive disorder #ptsd #adhd #nutrition #lifestyle #research #healing #journey #healingjourney #storytelling #rebirth #thriving #bloom

1 note · View note