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andyyswritings · 2 years

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All he ever wanted

Warnings: angst, fluff at the end

Pairing: Finnick Odair x reader

Staring into blank space, you tune out the voices in the back as you stare at the wall, trying to remember, remember something, someone, a certain person but you can’t, there’s nothing, no memories from before you were taken. All you can remember is what happened to you while you were there, at the Capital and what happened when you were rescued.

Now you were sitting on the hospital bed, a nurse was checking your blood pressure when someone suddenly came rushing into the room, calling out your name.

Startled you look up to find a man rushing towards you, a worried but also a relieved look on his face when his eyes lock with yours, there’s a familiarity in them but for some reason you can’t make out who he is or why he knows your name.

You blink as you stare at him coming closer to you, the nurse steps aside when he stops in front of you, without hesitating he pulls you into a tight hug, not noticing how stiff you are or that you’re not hugging him back, too shocked and confused about this situation.

“You’re okay.” He whispers over and over again as he keeps you close to him, running his fingers through your hair.

Your heart is racing as you blink in shock trying to blink away the tears that are welling up in your eyes, you have no idea who he is. His touch feels familiar, his voice sounds familiar, he looks familiar but you don’t know who he is and what he is to you.

“Y/n.” He whispers as he pulls away from the hug, taking your face into his hands he stares at you, eying the bruises on your face, the dark circles under your eyes. He looks you up and down, noting that you lost weight since he last saw you. Anger and worry rushes through him when he takes in the state you’re in, he can’t even imagine what you’ve been through, what they did to you.

A tear slips down your cheek when your eyes met his sad, worried ones, you can feel it, you can feel that you know him but you’re unable to recognize him.

You part your lips, wanting to say something but you’re unable to come up with words as you stare at him. Your mind is screaming at you to remember, remember him.

As Finnick is wiping your tears away, his own tears escape his eyes, tears that you usually would’ve wiped away before kissing his cheek and pulling him closer to hug him. He furrows his brows as he realizes you’re not touching him, you didn’t hug him, you didn’t touch his hands, you didn’t touch his face and you didn’t say his name.

His heart drops as he realizes. You have no idea who he is.

Looking into your eyes, he sees the confusion in them, the sadness and the fear.

Fear.

You’re scared of him and it breaks his heart.

He loved you for so long but he has never been able to do anything about his feelings for you. Knowing that if you were together and Snow would find out, you’d be dead. Despite being one of the Capitols favorites, you’d still be dead.

It was an unspoken thing between the two of you.

In the public eye, you are best friends.

In secret you are lovers.

Lovers that have never done anything about their feelings for one another.

And now that he thought that you could finally be together, you were taken away from him.

All your memories of him are gone.

“Y-You don’t know who I am.” He speaks softly, tears are blurring his vision as he looks down at you, slowly letting go of you.

You don’t know why but you feel your heart breaking as he speaks those words, his teary eyes give away how sad and heartbroken he feels right now.

“N-No.” You whisper, looking down at his hand, that just let go of yours, leaving your hand feeling cold without his touch.

The door opens as he’s about to say something, interrupting him, the guy who rescued you enters the room, Gale.

He nods at Finnick before looking over at you. The whole way back to District 13, you clung to his side, feeling safe with him and comfortable with him, unaware that you have mistaken him for someone else.

For weeks, Finnick has to watch you get closer and closer to Gale, while you are slowly slipping away from him more and more.

He doesn’t understand why you are so afraid of him but as he finds out about what they did to Peeta, he realizes that they might’ve done the same with you.

It angers him and breaks his heart at the same time, he knows that your memories aren’t completely gone, they are there somewhere and he’s sure that he could help you remember but you are too scared of him. He doesn’t even want to know what sort of false memories they put inside your brain.

He lays awake at night, staring at a picture of you and him at the beach, thinking of how you’d always sneak out at night to spend time with him there, watching the waves hit the rocks while you cuddled up to him, before all this.

“Finnick- wait! No-“ You squealed as he pulled you into the cold water, laughing at your shocked expression “you’re such a dick!” You whined as he pulled you deeper into the water making you gasp.

He used the opportunity to pull you into his warm embrace by gently grabbing your waist, pulling you closer to him, immediately you wrapped your arms around him, searching for warmth in his arms.

His heart fluttered in his chest at the way you clung to him, he was glad it was dark out, the only source of light came from the full moon which left the blush on his face barely visible.

“Didn’t you say, you always wanted to go swimming at night?” He chuckled when you continued shivering, clinging to him.

“Yeah but- it’s so cold.” You mumble as you look up at him, the look in your eyes making him feel weak in the knees. The moonlight shines so prettily down on you, those pretty y/e/c of yours staring into his beautiful green eyes, your is lip quivering from the cold.

His hand cups your face as he touches your lip with his thumb “well what did you expect?” He chuckled, nervously as your eyes widen at the way he touched you, seeming to be unable to speak as he continued tracing your lip with his thumb, “good thing, I’m here to keep you warm, hm?”

You nod, a smile tugging at your lips as take a step closer to him, his heart is racing in his chest as you both continue to gaze into each others eyes, moving closer and closer to each other.

He traces the scar on your forehead, the one you got in the arena all these years back.

He leans down, kissing your scar softly before pulling back to look at your lips.

He wants to kiss you so bad.

He should’ve kissed you that night.

He wishes that he kissed you that night.

Now all he is left with is a cold feeling in his chest, memories of you and the imagination of how your lips would’ve felt against his.

Sighing he sits up in his bed, putting the picture of you on the nightstand, unable to move his eyes away from it, you looked so happy, he had his arms around you laughing at something you said while you were smiling as you looked up at him.

He wants this back.

He wants you back.

A knock on the door pulls Finnick out of his thoughts, he furrows his brows in confusion, no one ever comes to visit him, especially not at this time.

Getting up, he walks towards his door, expecting one of the guards to stand on the other side of the door because of an emergency or something but instead he finds himself staring at you.

“H-Hi.” You greet him with a small voice, standing there shyly, playing with the bracelet around your wrist.

“Hi, y/n.” He says, looking at you with curiosity in his eyes, he notices how nervous you look, holding your hand over your wrist tightly.

“Did I wake you up?” You asked, as you realize how late it is when you see the clock on his wall behind him, you didn’t really think about it, you woke up from a weird dream and decided to clear your head by taking a walk and somehow you ended up here. “I’m so sorry if I did- I wasn’t th-“

“No, no! It’s okay, Love, I wasn’t sleeping.” He interrupted you when he saw your nervous expression turn into a panicked one. He wanted to just pull you into a hug and never let you go, so bad “do you want to come inside?” He asked as he watched you curiously looking over his shoulder.

You look back at him, looking into his familiar green eyes, you feel your heart fluttering in your chest.

Nodding, you put your hand inside the pocket of your hoodie, you give him a small smile before walking past him into his small room. It looked similar to yours, there wasn’t much except for a bed, table and a nightstand, a few things laying on it.

Finnick closes the door and turns around to look at you, you seem so shy and nervous, like you’re in his presence for the first time ever, it makes him sad considering you’re his best friend, and more than that.

Your eyes fall on the picture on the nightstand, even from afar you recognize yourself on it. You feel your heart squeezing in your chest, you know him but all you remember of him are faint memories that you get through your dreams like you did just an hour ago.

Walking over to the nightstand you grab the picture, you vividly remember the moment. His arm is around you, pulling you into his chest and you looked so happy. The bracelet around Finnick’s wrist catches your attention and you look down at your own wrist, you’re wearing it, it’s his.

A sudden wave of sadness washes over you, there’s so many memories that you have with him and you can’t even remember half of them.

“Y/n?”

Finnick’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts, you turn around to face him. His expression is soft, his eyebrows are furrowed as if he’s worried.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” He asks, taking a step closer to you but leaving enough space between the two of you to make sure you’re still comfortable in his presence.

The look in his eyes, his gentle approach and him in general make you feel emotional and sad all of the sudden, you have avoided him for weeks, after you were rescued.

You spend all your time in your room, or distracting yourself with training with Gale who you’ve found a close friend in.

During lunch or dinner in the cafeteria, you’d keep stealing glances at Finnick who would always stare back at you. You’d try to remember him, moments with him and slowly you did, it was just pieces but still enough to know that he’s important to you.

You couldn’t find the courage to go up to him and speak to him though not because you were scared but because you were nervous and you felt guilty. You couldn’t forget the heartbroken look on his face when he realized that you had no idea who he was as if he was betrayed.

Tears blur your vision when your eyes meet his, you only manage to shake your head, not trusting your voice right now.

His worried expression turns into a sad one. He has always hated to see you cry, it broke his heart every single time. Usually he would pull you into his arms, rub your back gently, kiss your forehead and tell you that everything is gonna be okay but right now he didn’t know if you were ready for him to touch you like that but it seemed as though he did not have to worry about it as your body moved of it’s own accord, finding it’s way into your lovers arms.

Finnick’s eyes widen as he feels your body against his own, so long, he has waited so long for this. To be able to touch you again, pull you into his arms and hold you.

Immediately, he moves his arms around you, pulling you closer into his chest “oh, y/n.” He whispers as he hears you cry softly, mumbling ‘I’m sorry.’ Over and over again. He feels his heart breaking as he hears you apologizing to him as if it was your own fault that you have forgotten about him.

He rubs your back gently, running his fingers through your hair as he whispers “it’s okay, we’re okay.”

You feel safe in his arms, warm and cared for and at home.

You stay there for what feels like forever and once you’ve finally calmed down, you look up at him, still holding onto his waist.

Your eyes meet his, a sad smile lingering on his lips, he cups your face softly, wiping away your tears, for a moment he feels as though nothing changed and you haven’t forgotten about him and as you look into his eyes all he sees is that you remember, you remember him and feels himself tearing up as well.

“Finnick..” You whisper as you cup his face, your thumb lingers on his cheek, catching the tear that escaped his eye, your heart is starting to race as you feel the familiar feeling of his skin against yours.

His heart flutters in his chest and hope rises in his chest as you stare into his eyes.

Your eyes move down to his lips as his move down to yours, you both move closer to each other, he leans down while you lean up, you feel his warm breath on your skin as your eyes meet again. His thumb strokes your cheek softly, the way he did that night at the beach when he was holding you in his arms while you were standing in the cold water. You close the gap between the two of you and close your eyes before pressing your lips against his.

Butterflies erupt in his stomach as he feels your lips moving against his. He closes his own eyes, cups the back of your head and pulls you closer as he kisses you back with so much love.

The kiss is soft, slow and sensual but filled with so much passion and love. It leaves your lips tingling, your heart racing and your emotions overwhelmed.

Finnick waited for this moment for so long, from the first day he met you, he wanted you by his side. All these years of pining after you, longing for you, wishing he could kiss you like this and love on you.

Not even half an hour ago he thought he lost you for good but now you were here, in his arms, kissing him, touching him so softly that it left him with a racing heart but a gentle feeling in his chest.

You pull away from the kiss in need of air, leaning your forehead against his, you keep your eyes closed as you feel him stroking your cheek.

“I love you, y/n.” He whispers, knowing that you won’t say it back, not yet. But he has to say it, he has to tell you about his feelings, he has waited for far too long to tell you this and now that you were in his arms he had to.

You open your eyes, your heart skips a beat at his words, you love him too, you can feel it. You can tell just how much you love him by the way you dream of him, by the way you smiled at him in the picture and how safe and at home you feel in his arms.

“You don’t have to say-“

“I love you too.” You interrupt him, a small smile lingering on your lips when you see the way his eyes widened at your words.

“I know that I do and that I did for a long time now.” You explain, watching the way his eyes widen at your next words “I dream of you, every night.”

“I should’ve come to you earlier-“

He shakes his head at your words “It’s okay, love, you needed time, you’re here now.” He says, smiling at you, softly “that’s all that matters to me, you’re back, you’re here.” He whispers before kissing your forehead softly “come here, y/n.”

You let him pull you into his arms again, he needs to feel you, to know that this is real, that this isn’t one of his many dreams that he had, wishing for you to be in his arms again.

And as he feels you clinging to him he is overwhelmed by so many emotions.

Mostly love and happiness.

He has you back and he has your love and it’s all he ever wanted.

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