anotherblogforborderlines

[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

“It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know who I am anymore. I constantly feel like I am on the verge of breaking down. I feel like I am going crazy, and if my mind is an ocean, my thoughts are a tsunami. I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate, I can’t even think straight. I am a fucking mess.”

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[anotherblogforborderlines]

Sometimes I’m fine with my lonely existence. I’m used to being alone. I don’t have to constantly mask which is what I do whenever I’m around others. I can lay in bed immobile while watching hours of whatever show I want or listening to music. Other times I loathe it. I see others surrounded by friends. I never experience belonging. Some days I only talk to myself. I see human connection and feel excluded, watching from behind a gate. If I was meant to be lonely like I obviously was meant to be, I wish there wouldn’t be painful reminders from everywhere. I wish I could be lonely in peace.

[anotherblogforborderlines]

What's the point in talking anymore no one listens to me anyway 😕

[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

“I don’t like who I am. There is nothing good about me anymore. I am sick of wasting my time. I am worn out. I am really tired.”

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[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

It is generally supposed that loneliness can derive from the conviction that there is no person or group to which one belongs. This not belonging can be seen to have a much deeper meaning. However much integration proceeds, it cannot do away with the feeling that certain components of the self are not available because they are split off and cannot be regained. Some of these split-off part are projected into other people, contributing to the feeling that one is not in full possession of one’s self, that one does not fully belong to oneself or, therefore, to anybody else. The lost parts too, are felt to be lonely.

Melanie Klein, "On the Sense of Loneliness"

[anotherblogforborderlines]

leave me alone!!!

[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

Do you ever feel like you’re just convenient?

You’re the convenient friend, convenient time pass, convenient relationship, convenient option for everyone.

You’re the person people hang out with because you’re easy, and always eager because you’re always just so desperate to feel wanted and not alone, but really you’re just convenient.

You know you’re not special, and that your spot in their life will be easily replaced and that they’d much rather someone else in their company- but again you’re just convenient. You’re the convenient option. The always available option.

I’m the friend who has best friends but isn’t the best friend. I’m the convenient friend. I’m the lover who falls in love but never the one being loved. I’m just the convenient route.

Im the ‘never says no’ friend. The ‘easy to take advantage of’ friend. The ‘can you do me a favour?’ friend. I’m the ‘useful until no longer of use’ friend. I’m the ‘I want to do something but everyone else is busy’ friend.

I’m the butt of the joke friend. I’m the punching bag friend. The forgotten friend. The one who’s feelings aren’t considered because I’m the ‘she’ll get over it’ friend.

I’m just the easy and convenient friend.

And that’s my own fault, thinking always being available, always being easy and giving more of myself will finally one day deem me worthy in someone’s eyes. Spoiler alert - it doesn’t. I’m still never enough.

I’m the ‘smile through the pain’ friend because being this friend hurts.

[anotherblogforborderlines]

"The worst part about being sad is that you don't even know what makes you happy anymore"

[anotherblogforborderlines]

[anotherblogforborderlines]

they should invent a human interaction that doesn't feel like chalkboard scraping