aroace-spec

[aroace-spec]

((The ability to appreciate and evaluate human aesthetic is not determined by your sexuality))

[aroace-spec]

I just gave a sermon at my church today about asexuality and how to be an ally. Not only did I get a lot of comments about how much people liked it (and how it was easy to understand for so many old folks), but one old lady came up to me afterwards with tears in her eyes and she said, "I'm 77 years old and I finally know what I am. Thank you." And that just made everything I've done worth it.

(also, thank you @onbearfeet for letting me use one of your blog posts. It resonated with a lot of people)

[aroace-spec]

the greeks believed that our souls were split in half so we have to find our missing pieces. but i feel full. my soul is complete. aromanticism allows the soul to stay together

[aroace-spec]

I dunno, sometimes it feels much better to have a neutral word to describe a neutral reality rather than being defaulted to "gay" at best and "frigid bitch" at worst

[aroace-spec]

Queerplatonic sex, better known as you got a friend in me

[aroace-spec]

Hey! So uh.... If you're wondering if you're asexual, I have some information that might help!

Apparently, being sexually attracted to someone means that it's the PERSON???? That turns you ON?????

[aroace-spec]

i always have to add "but i may change my mind in the future" to my identity

You say you accept aromanticism but do you only accept it as long as it fits your expectations? Do you only accept it as long as I keep my options open, as long as I don’t 100% settle on this label, as long as I allow you a small amount of hope that one day I’ll tell you I’ve changed, I’ve seen the light, I’ve found the One?

You say you accept aromanticism, but is your acceptance conditional on my redemption through platonic love? Do I have to prove to you that I am likable, that I am lovable, that I am human? Do I have to be touch starved, do I have to be lonely, do I have to feel like I am missing out?

You say you accept aromanticism, but do you believe me when I speak about dehumanization, about my anger at being pitied? Do you put yourself in my shoes and imagine the effort it takes to shape a future that looks like most people's worst fear? Do you understand that my life is not sad for not following your rigid guideline to happiness?

You say you accept aromanticism, but do you accept the changes I demand of society? Do you accept that relationship hierarchies are not inherent but learned? Do you accept that community is more meaningful in fighting the loneliness epidemic than finding the One? Do you notice that society is predisposed to benefit couples over singles? Do you realize that this is wrong?

If you say you accept aromanticism but only do so as long as I am quiet about it, as long as I make no demands, offer no criticism, draw no attention to myself, then I do not care for your acceptance because your acceptance isn't real.

[aroace-spec]

being aroace telling people i'm aroace

[aroace-spec]

Since telling my Mum that I considered myself ace, I already noticed that she was a bit… too interested, if you want to say it like that. Asking for “signs”, or how being ace feels like… I tried to answer her to the best of my ability, giving her links to websites that would explain better as I ever could.

Today she said, very quietly, “Do you think I could be ace, too?”

And I said very carefully “If you think it suits you, I don’t see why not”

And my Mum, my strong, self-confident Mum, who never once  has ever felt uncomfortable in her own skin as far as I know, beamed in relief. Relief. 

 Because she never knew. Because getting married young and bearing children for her husband (meaning sex) was expected of her. Because everyone gave her the feeling as if something would be wrong or broken about her if she didn’t want, didn’t do that.

Because her whole life long, she thought there was something wrong with her.

I’m honestly torn between feeling happy and relieved for her, and angry that humanity has such trouble with showing some understanding to those who don’t fit in the boxes society has designed for all of us.

[aroace-spec]

[aroace-spec]

If I ever make a book it's going to be so painfully aromantic and asexual that any allos reading will die from a heart attack because of the lack of romance and sex

[aroace-spec]

Dear younger a-spec folks,

I'm not ancient by any means, but I do see a lot of teens and twenty-somethings on here posting about being a-spec and not being sure they should have posted it. Or saying they'll probably delete it in the morning.

And I just want to say, as someone in their mid-thirties who had very little support in all of this, and finally feels comfortable for the first time in their life embracing being aroace - you give me so much life and hope.

When I was a kid, platforms like this were not a thing.

So when I had one now ex-friend literally tell me that I made him feel uncomfortable because "a lack of attraction is inhuman," I felt inhuman.

Or when my mother constantly prodded at me about relationships and sex, or called me a prude, I saw that as a failing on my part.

Or when my friends thought it was hilarious when I was obviously uncomfortable as they described things I did not want to think about, I thought they were in the right, I figured I must just be humorless.

Or when people suggested my lack of engagement with the concept of love made me a psychopath, I thought that must be true too.

I had no one who understood how I felt so I assumed I must be wrong, and I tried so hard to fit in and say the right things, and date and be in relationships that were all inevitably doomed to fail.

I spent too much of my life thinking I was some sort of monster.

And looking at all your posts now, I really wish that very lonely girl and eventually very lonely young woman had had access to all of your incredible posts about being a-spec.

So in conclusion, when you post and aren't sure you should speak up, please keep speaking up. There is nothing wrong with us, and I am so thankful every time your posts come across my dash.

They mean the world to me.

And you never know if your post is going to be the one that makes someone realize that they get to be human too.

[aroace-spec]

[aroace-spec]

[aroace-spec]

This one is arguably very personal because I have no idea if other aros feel the same – but I've seen too many stories about a character being rejected where the person doing the rejecting is (accidentally or not) implied to be some sort of "bad guy" or "the one who has it easier", so I guess I had an itch to show my side.

Aromantic people and alloromantic people have such different views on what "true love" is that it's not about one or the other being "in the wrong" – it's just one big compatibility issue. All I can say is – as an aromantic, being confessed to romantically IS what leaves me heartbroken, for such reasons. Hopefully there will be a broader understanding of this in the future.

[aroace-spec]

queerplatonic attraction is so weird. i wanna friend this man so bad. i wanna put him in my pocket. heck, I wanna play DND with him.

[aroace-spec]

I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS

NASA SUPPORTS THE AROS 😭😭😭😭😭

THERE IS NO GREATER ARO WIN FOR THIS ARO ACE PHYSICIST