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aryn-writes · 2 years
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wanting to cry because everyone around me is entering relationships and I can't even get past the anxiety of making a friend.
not only that, but my mental illnesses relapsed and my eating feels like it's going to spiral too and i don't want that.
i dont like feeling this way and yet i am here hoping that it doesn't get worse while also thinking about ways to hide it from those close to me (but to be fair, they're so invested in their own lives that i don't think they'll even notices)
and back to the friend thing, genuinely i don't know if i'm close to anyone if i can't even disclose these feelings. i don't talk to anyone from high school outside of occasional small talk, and i don't want to be a burden to anyone i know now because well they have their own lives
im going to set up a therapy appointment in hopes that it helps. i know that i need help and i want to get it so we are going to try and do this alone
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aryn-writes · 2 years
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when she says she doesn’t send nudes
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aryn-writes · 2 years
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sorry i'm always inactive but i absolutely do not like my printer. it is terrible and always has issues and i swear i would break it if it wasn't for the fact that i'm a broke college kid
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aryn-writes · 2 years
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i miss being more active on here
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aryn-writes · 2 years
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reblogging bc i want to be okay
i hope that one day i will finally be ok….i’ll make a cherry pie when it is all over
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aryn-writes · 2 years
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if u put a cake under a box propped up by a stick tied to a string i will go for it without hesitation. i am aware i will get trapped but it feels nice to be wanted sometimes
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aryn-writes · 2 years
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is it self harm or am i just being chaotic
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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I’m going to say this because I feel like oversharing.
Mentions of sex below
I wish to be railed. incredibly bad. Like I have not had an orgasm ever and I have had a few partners (in their defense, they were virgins) and have tried on my own and it is just not working. Like I really wish to just experience a sexual encounter where I genuinely enjoy myself. And there is someone here at my college who’s interested in just a sexual relation but I am 90% sure it is only for his own gratification and I don’t want to deal with that again.
But how the heck am I supposed to find someone who will actually care about my needs and will also possibly choke me because I really want to be choked and marked up and yes I am fully aware that it isn’t necessarily appropriate but the mere idea is just so nice??
Contemplating turning to writing smut in an attempt to fulfill my needs.
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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someone has waited their entire career to use this headline
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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Cheritz terrifies me at times.
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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Going into any game, you must always be prepared to simp
You: I’m going to play this game
You, hours later: I SIMP (Character)
I was ready to simp as i always am.
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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We played the fanfiction trope version of “fuck marry kill” in which the options are “slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers” and it’s been like 30 hours and I’m STILL losing it over the concept of fake-dating Saruman the White.
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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me looking at ash
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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reblog if UR NOT tumblr famous bu t U ARE tired nd kinda gay
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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Which RFA family is yours?-RFA family head cannons
Don’t forget…Your true route is the person you fell in love with the most xx
(This post has taken me such a long time to finish so I hope you guys like it!)
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Yoosung: 
Song that represents your love best: “I do adore”- Mindy Gledhill
You have one son with Yoosung. 
Max is six and incredibly inquisitive. He will never stop asking questions on how things work or why they work. He probably loves to talk more than anything else. But he’s the sweetest, kindest, most adorable little angel on the planet and you would do anything for him. Yes he’s a tiny bit spoilt but who’s asking? He’s happy to help carry the groceries and clean the flat with you guys as long as you all sing a song and make it into a game.
He loves games and butterflies, and you’ll often find him drawing yellow butterflies with his crayons. Otherwise he’s hunting for Pokémon around the flat. You guys couldn’t afford a house just yet, but a lovely little apartment in the city a bus ride away from Yoosung’s clinic suits you all just fine.
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Yoosung struggles with fatherhood at first, panicking and worrying over everything…but he gradually learns how to keep calm, and he and Max develop a really sweet bond together. You’ll often find them both playing games together after dinner or kicking a football around in the street. Max gets to learn all about animals with his dad and during show and tell at pre school he tells everyone that he wants to be a vet just like daddy. You have a little butterfly cage/habitat in the living room where Max can watch caterpillars grow into butterflies and set them free out the window when they’re ready to leave.
On your days off, you take Max to the park or go to the zoo together. Life is always a magical adventure with him, and his smile is what keeps you and Yoosung going in the tough moments.
You and Yoosung are the young couple who are definitely can be like big kids yourselves. You’ll absolutely join Max on the bouncy castle or partake in his lets pretend scenarios. This has led a lot of people to patronise you and not take you guys seriously sometimes, but you always take people by surprise and show how serious you can be. When a kid at Max’ s birthday party gets sick and all the other kids start crying, you and Yoosung take charge and distract all the kids whilst the other parents panic.
Yoosung has grown a lot as a person, and you couldn’t ask for a better role model for your son. Sometimes he still struggles with his grief with Rika, but after therapy he manages to gradually move on and see the light in the patches of darkness that remain. He wants to make sure that Max is protected from everything that Rika struggled with, and goes to every length to help Max’s emotional and mental well being. 
If you ever need help or require a babysitter for date nights, the RFA is just a phone call away. Especially Zen.  Zen is Uncle Zenny to Max, and when you and Yoosung want a movie night, he’ll happily step in and be Max’s guardian for the night. One day you guys came home to him teaching Max how to sing and your heart definitely exploded with joy and cuteness. 
Uncle Seven is also at the ready to be the perfect babysitter, but you often find Max more hyperactive and giggly than when you first left…..
Despite the chaos and the silly moments, you guys do just fine. It’s never easy being a parent, but you guys always find ways to laugh and smile. 
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Jaehee: 
Song that represents your love the best: “Fly me to the moon”- Annapantsu cover
You adopted four year old twin girls with Jaehee. 
Yuna and Luna. 
Their parents both died in a terrible car accident and they had no other family to take care of them, so the girls were put into care. 
You adore your little girls so much, but there are many obstacles when it comes to helping them settle and trust. Yuna hasn’t yet accepted that her parents are gone and flies into grief stricken tantrums and crying fits, insisting that you both aren’t her mommies. Luna cries when her sister cries, but all she wants is someone to hold her tight and never let go. Sometimes it all breaks your heart, but Jaehee always manages to keep control and stays strong when things get difficult. Every tantrum, every crying fit…she’s there and she knows exactly what to do. She’s the perfect mother, and sometimes you can only stare at her in awe.
Eventually things get easier. 
The coffee shop is a dream come true and customers flock to the shop. You have a little apartment above the shop so its easy to take care of the girls and come down to the store to check on Jaehee. When the girls are a bit older and more settled, they come down shyly to see what mommy is up to.  The customers can’t help but coo and aww over how adorable the twins are in their matching outfits and pigtails.
Luna is fascinated by the singer that comes to the place on Friday evenings for her weekly gig. Jaehee whispers to her always that Luna could do that one day too if she really wanted to. Nothing is going to stop this mom from telling her baby girl that she can be whatever she wants to be, and that her dreams are precious. Yuna saw firefighters in a cartoon once and has decided that she’s going to be a fairy princess firefighter. And you agree that this is probably the best career choice possible.
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You adopt a puppy and the girls name him Bobby. Weekends are spent taking Bobby to the dog park and teaching the girls how to make themed coffee drinks. Your favourite thing to do is watch Disney movies with Jaehee and your girls. The girls sing all the songs as loud as they can, and put crowns and glittery wigs on Jaehee whilst she pretends to know the words too. 
(MC, I don’t know how many times I can cope with singing  ‘let it go’ again this weekend. Can we persuade them to try a different one?)
You and Jaehee as a couple are cautious and reserved on the surface. The other PTA parents probably think that you guys are extremely well put together and organised. couple goals honestly. But you guys are still learning a lot. (You’re just very good actors with great business attire.)  And behind doors you’re the most affectionate bubbly parents there could ever be. And low key hardcore extremely protective of your two angels. 
Life isn’t always easy, but you’re happy and that’s all you could ever ask for.
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Jumin: 
Song that represents your love the best: “All of my life”- Park Won
You have a son with Jumin; Jin-woo, (five years old) and a little girl on the way. (you guys are still thinking of names)
Jin is the spitting image of his papa, but he’s got your eyes; which means on good days he can pretty much ask for anything he wants. He’s smart, academic and analytical. He also has your emotional intelligence, and you like to think that his silly sense of humour comes from you as well.
There’s talk of him being taught to be the next CEO in line, but you want Jin to figure out what he wants to do in life before anything is decided for him. (It could be baby number 2 that takes the company, who knows what the future holds?) Jin seems to want to do everything that his papa does, but he’s taken an interest in all things to do with films and the making of them. Jumin got permission to take him to a few movie sets after he picked up on this, and Jin was excited about it for a long time afterwards.
Jumin still struggles expressing his emotions sometimes, and he can be quite firm when he needs to be; a look from him is enough for Jin to quiet down and realise that’s enough. But overall Jumin is a big softie. He’s the kind of dad that doesn’t always says how he feels, but shows it through his actions. He would rather spend all day building lego airplanes with Jin than go to work, and Jin absolutely hero worships him.  Also obviously he’s protective AF. When Jin was born, nobody was even allowed to touch him. (except you and himself of course) That particular phase took a while to get over.
The sight that makes you happiest in the world, is seeing your husband newly arrived home, still in his suit on the floor with Jin, partaking in Jin’s ‘lets pretend’ scenerios as seriously and logically as possible.
(“Dad we need to jump out the helicopters now!”
“But we don’t have parachutes, how are we going to get to the ground safely?”
“We have jet packs, pa!”
“I don’t remember this, when did the secret agency give us jet packs?”
“Mama gave them to us. She wanted us to be home early.”
“ah…..Of course she did.”)
You get another cat to give Elizabeth some company in the penthouse. A black Persian cat this time. You name him Phillip, and the two kitties are obsessed with each other immediately. When they both have kittens, Jin says that he wants to keep one. 
You and Jumin are the analytical, meticulous couple that definitely rely on sarcasm and dry humour, and who are absolutely crazy about each other. Think Low-key Morticia and Gomez.  Also you’re undoubtedly the best dressed power couple of the century. You’re the couple who would probably gush about each other and their child at any given opportunity. Your lives are extremely busy, what with Jumin taking steps to take over the company from his father and you being the successful career woman that you are. But you’ve cut down your hours to look after Jin when he’s not at school. If you guys ever need anyone to baby sit, V always tries to make himself available and help out. Of course there’s always your friends and family, but Jumin trusts Jihyun more than anybody else. You originally asked Zen to babysit, but the cat problem made it impossible for him to even enter the penthouse. 
The penthouse is no longer a lonely space, but a home filled with pictures of family holidays, birthdays and happy occasions. No matter what happens, you know that Jumin would protect you all until the end of time. You’re there for him, he’s there for you…and you will both always be there for your children.
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Zen:
Song that represents your love the best: “Falling like the stars”- James Arthur
You have a little girl with Zen called Alice.
She has silver hair and eyes as big as saucers, just like her papa.
She’s so overdramatic its hilarious. She’s a little girl with attitude, but she’d give you her last sweet if you asked her. Zen thinks she definitely has promise as an actress/singer, and he loves doing silly karaoke nights with her at home. You and Zen always cheer and clap for her as loudly as you can. But you both know that Alice always has her own ideas and plans in mind, and she’s always ready to take charge and tell you what’s up. The sass is real. Sometimes you joke that she could be a high powered business woman as well as the pop scene’s next big diva. 
Zen always calls her his little princess, or his ‘boss baby.’ He’s an amazing dad, and is always ready to tell her stories. Being the wonderful actor that he is, he’d give different voices to the characters and act out their parts. Taking care of her perfectly comes naturally to him, but he has difficulty with how protective and anxious he can be. Imagine when she’s old enough to date, oh god
Luckily you’re always there to sooth him when his anxiety gets too high and he becomes a drama queen.
After Zen’s career took off, he splashed out on a gorgeous house for the both of you. You guys live in a gated community due to Zen’s popularity and the threat of stalkerish fans, but the neighbours are thankfully very nice and respectful of your privacy, even more so when Alice is born.
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 Zen was reluctant to take jobs that were further away from his princesses’ at first, choosing to be the star in a musical K-drama that was closer to home when Alice was still very small. But when Alice started getting bigger you encouraged him to go further and seek his dreams in higher places. So he accepted.
You guys do facetimes and skype calls when he’s away, and he usually calls you guys just before he’s about to go to bed. The first time he was away from Alice and she said “hi daddy!” When she saw him on the video chat, he had to hold back every impulse not to burst into tears.
Zen wanted to have faith that you guys would be protected when he’s not home. Obviously he knows you can handle yourself, but he brings back a beautiful white huskie to be a guard dog when he’s gone, and you and Alice name him Mishka. The expectation was that Mishka would be calm and cool… What Zen didn’t realise is that huskies are the biggest babies possible. Mishka is definitely bratty and cries when it’s bath time, when its time to leave the dog park….actually he cries at anything. But you still have hope that if the opportunity would ever arise he’d protect you guys. Just so long as biscuits and petting come immediately afterwards.
Seven and Yoosung come over to babysit sometimes when you and Zen want to do date nights, although Zen admits that he would prefer to ask Jaehee if she didn’t have so much work. Seven and Yoosung are definitely two kids in adults bodies…
Your favourite thing to do is to waltz with your husband, and bring Alice into the dance. The three of you twirling around the room to your favourite songs is the definition of bliss.
You’re definitely the melodramatic couple who cry at k-dramas and express love and affection as loudly and boldly as you can. Probably the parents at the kids recital that yell “you’re doing amazing, baby!” Super embarrassing but absolutely adorable.
If there is one thing Zen wants Alice to remember…its to take chances. To never be afraid of failure and be brave when life gets hard. Because Zen knows that he can be brave with you and Alice by his side….always.
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707
Song that represents your love the best: “love changes everything”- Ruelle
You weren’t able to have children for a while due to the uncertainty of Saeyoung’s world and Saeran’s recovery. But eventually you are all able to live a peaceful life.  Or….as peaceful as it could be with Saeyoung as your husband.
The bunker is given a makeover to be more of a brighter, happier place. Also no more mess 
Saeyoung spares no expense of course.
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Its only after Saeyoung and Saeran’s biological father dies that the threat on their lives is lifted.
And when the time finally came, you obviously end up with twins. A boy and a girl;  Shin and Soojin. They are both mischievous, funny and cunning; playing pranks and causing all kinds of silly shenanigans. It’s therefore very appropriate that their papa is a toy maker, and that the twins make his shop their personal playground. Shin has already decided that he wants to be an engineer and Soojin wants to make video games. 
For a while you’re all worried about the kids’ safety. You make the difficult choice to home school them for the first few years until you and Saeyoung are sure that the twins can both be safe at school. They’re social butterflies so you have nothing to worry about in that sense.
And Saeyoung loves being a dad.
He was worried that he wouldn’t know what to do after his abusive childhood, but he keeps his head high and holds a ‘fake the confidence until you have it’ kind of attitude. And eventually he is confident. He’ll wrestle with them, cook their breakfast before school, comfort them when they’re sad….and always knows what joke to tell at the dinner table to get them both giggling. The most wonderful sound in the world to you is hearing him chase the kids up and down the bunker corridors when he’s finished work. You can hear all three of them laughing and making ridiculous noises at the top of their lungs.
You and Saeyoung are probably the funniest couple in the friend group. Nobody is bigger meme lords than you two. But you guys can flip the switch realllll quick. Don’t mess with an angry Saeyoung at a parent’s evening.  
Saeran keeps his distance from them both most of the time and is generally quite quiet. But he’ll always play with the kids whenever they ask him to, and he’ll watch kids films for hours with them. There is never a birthday or an occasion missed, he’ll always be aloof and pretend he doesn’t care, but he’s an impeccable uncle in his own way.
Uncle Yoosung comes over to babysit sometimes when you and Saeyoung have a date night, but he can only cope with so much before the twins successfully make him go bonkers. Luckily he can distract them with playing Super Smash Bro matches.
Vanderwood comes by often as he’s now Saeyoung’s business partner (getting Saeyoung’s inventions patented and sold for mega $$$). He acts like the entire affair is a waste of his time, but you can see how thrilled and happy he is to no longer be at the agency and seems to be doing what he enjoys. He doesn’t seem to mind the kids much, and takes secret pleasure in partaking in any pranks that are targeted towards Saeyoung. You like having him over, he’s kind of a breath of fresh air and always makes you all laugh during movie nights.
Finally Saeyoung has the life he always dreamed of. And nothing can stop your happiness now.
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Saeran/Ray
Song that represents your love the best: “Can’t take my eyes off of you” -Joseph Vincent
You both agreed to wait until Saeran had finished his therapy before considering an official relationship together. Mental health recovery for both of you was more important than anything else. Without recovery, the future was too unstable.
Saran was diagnosed with post traumatic stress and DID. 
A lot of care and consideration was needed, and Saeran despaired for a long time over whether his disorders meant that he would be an unsuitable parent in the future. But eventually he began to understand that there were others out there just like him who had gone on to have loving families and wonderful marriages with their partners. 
His past didn’t have to define his future, and he would take gentle steps every day to recover. 
You guys live in a little cottage on the outskirts of the city. Far away from noise and crowds… 
There’s a lot of space for a flower garden, and all around there are trees and birds. You’ve never seen Saeran look this relaxed. 
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After eight years together, you both have a little girl named Rosie. She has adorable red hair like her dad and the happiest little smile you’ve ever seen. Before you know it, she’s seven years old. 
She seems to already be quite independent, but she’s also a rather reserved child. Preferring to read a book or draw rather than spend time with other kids. Her uncle Saeyoung thinks she’ll definitely be another genius…she seems to already have the drive and ambition for it. 
Saeran is extremely protective of both of you. Insisting on being the one to take her to school and pick her up at the end of the day. After a difficult day at pre school there’s always a trip to the ice cream shop waiting for her.
You were both worried that it would take a while to explain Saeran’s alter Ray to Rosie, but with guidance from therapists, Rosie gets it pretty quickly. When other children ask her about her parents, she says “I have a mommy and two daddys!” 
Ray loves spending time with her. He’s usually the one to come out when its play time; he’ll always bring flowers to her to make her smile and attend her tea parties…whilst Saeran is usually the one that prepares her breakfast or puts her to bed. But she loves them both equally.
There are still sometimes bad days with Saeran….he still struggles with flashbacks and sometimes he argues with Ray…getting jealous of his alter spending time with you. To make the burdens easier to bear, an emotional support dog is arranged for him and you go to more therapy as well. The dog is a shibi inu called Moon. When it all gets too hard, Moon is the one thing that always helps Saeran calm down, and he’s always down to cuddle or make silly faces with his goofy tongue sticking out. 
You’re a very private, introverted couple who prefer minimal company, but your arms are always open wide to those who need you. You are surrounded with endless support from the RFA. Today might not be the best day, but tomorrow will be easier…and its all about taking one step at a time. Each and every day is beautiful and worthwhile.
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V
Song that represents your love the best: “You are here” -Lee Hyun
With Jihyun, you have a little girl named Abigail. 
It took a little time before you guys felt comfortable with the idea of getting married. Your relationship was all about taking things slow and doing things naturally. It was essential after everything you’d both been through.
But three years after your wedding, Abigail arrives.
V bought a new home by the beach…his old house had too many sad memories, But with this place, you are both washed anew, and your summers are filled with laughter, sea salt and long sandy walks together. At eight years old, Abigail is clever, daring and adventurous, but she’s also sweet and artistic like her papa. She loves to bake cakes, specifically chocolate chip muffins.  This place by the sea is the perfect place for her to grow up.
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V cannot stop taking pictures of her no matter the occasion. He doesn’t want to miss a single moment of her childhood. And when it comes to every school performance, every parent’s evening and every homework session…he’s always there, quietly listening and trying his best for her at all times. His support and love for her is unlimited. 
He’s always afraid and still a little insecure that he’s not doing enough, but all it takes is for Abi to run into arms and hug him tight for his smile to come back. You always tell him that he’s a wonderful husband to you and the perfect father to your baby. He’s much better at keeping calm than you can even comprehend. Whenever anything stressful comes up or people are causing problems, Jihyun approaches the situation calmly and carefully, softly and politely fixing things whenever and wherever its necessary. It doesn’t matter how many dates you both go on, or even if you’re eating a meal at home, he always pushes yours and Abi’s chairs into the table and when he says grace, he doesn’t thank God, he thanks you guys for what you both did to make him happy and grateful that day.  Closest thing to an angel istg
When Abi asks for a pet, you all go to the shelter where Jihyun points out a group of adorable white bunnies. Abi picks the smallest and shyest rabbit in the pen, and calls him Oreo. He spends a lot of time hopping around the garden and following Abi around the house. Jihyun helps Abigail teach Oreo tricks, and for family occasions and parties, Oreo is the delight of everyone. 
For your collective careers, you and Jihyun spend a lot of time in the art world, attending art galleries and performances together. So Uncle Jumin is one the first points of call when you and V are going to be away for a while. Although Jumin might seem chilly on the surface, he adores spoiling his god daughter. And Abi always has fun staying at the penthouse. (And you also know for a fact that there could be no where safer than Jumin’s place.)
You and V are the quiet, introspective couple. You’re not really the types to crave a spotlight and prefer your lives to be private and peaceful. You’d probably prefer a Netflix night or a painting session at the beach than huge parties and social gatherings. But you’re always ready to step out your comfort zones for Abigail. 
Jihyun hopes that his little girl never looses her passion and delight in Baking. And he hopes that the greatest lesson he can teach her is to love herself and to believe in all her dreams. 
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Which route is your true route?
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aryn-writes · 3 years
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me: deciding to play Saeran’s route again because I miss him
also me: immediately sobbing upon hearing his voice
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