asdminds

[asdminds]

Something I struggle with is the fact that as a woman, the way you're expected to socialize feels foreign to me and thats something I'd like to change...

For example between women my age (aka early 20s) it's common to expect to talk about guys you find attractive and whatnot but as someone with Aspergers/on the autism spectrum I feel nothing about guys and just don't care about relationships lol I'm just indifferent and apathetic.

But yeah you're expected to talk about that and that bothers me tbh

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism spectrum #asd #autism spectrum disorder #feminism

[asdminds]

There’s a big problem in the autistic community we need to address

I am a semi speaking autistic with high support needs, when strangers see me, they know I’m autistic.

I’ve often seen fully speaking autistics refer to me and other autistics like me as “just stereotypes”

But I’m not just a stereotype, and neither are other autistics like me.

We deserve to be seen too, we deserve to be seen as people with our own personalities.

Please don’t forget us

(Absolutely ok to rb, please spread this around)

#reblogged

[asdminds]

love when people tag my vent posts with #me like yeah we in this hell together babes <3

#reblogged #yeah

[asdminds]

Is anyone else on the autism spectrum and impulsively enjoy arguing with people for no reason? Lol

#autistic #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #personality disorder #aspergers #aspergers syndrome #autism spectrum #autism spectrum disorder #autistic women #aspie #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

[asdminds]

How antidepressants helped me

No, I didn't have depression. Antidepressants are prescribed for a variety of reasons (e.g. to control stress) and it isn't limited to a specific diagnosis.

I'm aware that people have different experiences with medication, and that treatment with antidepressants generally goes in hand with other kinds of therapy. But I still want to talk about my (positive) experience with antidepressants.

I take Zoloft, or Sertraline. Whatever way you want to call 'em, it's the same medication either way, it's just known under two different names.

My mood changed for the better. It's much more stable. In fact, I feel relaxed, happy and almost detached from all of my worries. I used to have a lot of mood changes within a week. I woke up and felt okay, then moments later I felt in the most horrible way possible, I just wanted to get out of my body and ripping it out.

I felt extremely miserable, but it wasn't a constant feeling and it was rather short lived, hence why I said it wasn't depression. Nope, the smallest things would trigger the most horrible feelings in the world. Then it would pass. Nothing happened.

It was particularly exhausting back when I was in high school, since I had to deal with those emotions while I was still in class. I would make excuses to be able to leave school earlier than expected. To say that I feel sick isn't exactly a lie, right? The sickness just wasn't physical, it was in my psyche.

It's a tsunami of painful thoughts that invade your mind all of a sudden, out of the smallest things. "Oh, someone doesn't seem to enthusiastically enjoy talking with you, it must be a sign that every fucking human being on this planet despises your existence. They're all a bunch of garbage people, right? Nobody in the world is worth talking to. I hate them all. Everyone hates me, so it's fair." It's immeasurably distressing to live like that.

On the other hand, the smallest things would make me feel euphoric. "Someone said hello to me after I said hello to them? (Aka, the bare minimum) It's an amazing day! I love the world!" Of course, the negative ones happened far more often. But it wasn't all bleak, and I had positive emotions too.

It wasn't a logical, reasonable thing. There wasn't any train of thought behind it. It was like my brain functioned in two ways: bad thing = worst thing in your life, good thing = best thing in your life. No middle ground, no grey areas. My mind worked in an emotional binary.

When quarantine started (but before I started taking Zoloft) it got worse, since it started to happen more often than before and it was more intense. That's why I started taking medication, it got even worse, and it was already bad. That being said, the fact that it got worse was what made me realize that what was happening to me wasn't normal nor healthy. I just assumed everyone felt emotions like that.

There were also moments of pronounced apathy as well. Sometimes I just didn't care about anything. Nothing mattered to me. I just didn't care.

Once I started medication, the insane mood changes slowly softened. Nowadays, I'm always okay. I rarely feel anxious, unless it's something logical like exams. I can't even remember the last time I felt bad. I'm always happy. In my worst day I feel bored or paranoid, but that's all. I'm amazed at the fact that now my emotions work in a normal, healthy way. I had no idea how unhealthy and harmful my emotions used to be.

#antidepressants #zoloft #autism #autistic #aspergers #asperger #aspergers syndrome #actually asperger #actually aspergers #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #autism spectrum #autism spectrum disorder #actually autistic #sertraline #actuallyautistic #autistic women #aspergirls #depression #anxiety #personality disorder #mental health #medication #mental heath awareness

[asdminds]

When I was in high school I found it incredibly difficult to socialize mostly because of the expectations about being a teenage girl. I was expected to take an immeasurable amount of time on my appearence, and of course, to look attractive for the guys or whatever.

The fact that I didn't take interest in those things was seen as an abnormality. It was a sign that I was slightly odd at best or a symptom of some sort of disorder at worst.

I don't care about guys, I don't care about trying to meet insane beauty standards for the sake of others. I shouldn't be expected to sacrifice my own interests for the sake of fitting in.

There's nothing wrong with taking care about your appearence (as long as you don't expect to achieve impossible beauty standards anyway, then it gets unhealthy) or trying to get the attention of guys, it's just that it's bloody ridiculous to expect me to conform to such standards because apparently that's the only way they envision me being able to socialize.

#neurodivergent #asd #autistic #actuallyautistic #asperger #aspergers #aspergirls #aspie girls #autistic girls #actually autistic #actuallyaspie #actually aspie #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #autistic women #autism #autism spectrum disorder #autism spectrum #autism spectrum condition

[asdminds]

When autism spectrum research only focuses on a specific population.

I'm hispanic, I can't really relate to American studies about ASD. Social norms differ vastly bewteen countries and cultures.

Hispanic culture in general is very expressive. It's fairly common in my culture to just kiss someone on the cheek as a form of saying hello (albeit many men avoid it because they don't want to look gay). It's common to talk loudly.

As a result of that, my quirks are more obvious in some contexts. On the other hand, I think exposure to a culture where being expressive is common is why I've never had any major issues about making eye contact when talking to people.

A great amount of studies focus on children from English speaking countries.

I remember trying to find information in Spanish about the autism spectrum, yet most (if not all) had American or UK sources. Even hispanic professionals seem to get their information from there.

I won't go and say that it's only those countries' faults because it isn't, but it's depressing to see that only a few countries have some sort of monopoly over a condition that how it is perceived depends so heavily on social norms.

#asd #autism #autistic #autism spectrum #autism spectrum condition #autism spectrum disorder #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #psychiatry #psychology #mental health #neurodiversity #neurodiverse #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent

[asdminds]

Are [ASD] diagnoses important?

When it comes to my autism spectrum disorder diagnosis, I'll be honest with you: I think it's pointless.

Of course, some people may find their diagnosis helpful. But I don't.

It was used as a tool to understimate me and ignore my ACTUAL problems. I don't think being slightly worse than the average person when it comes to social skills is that big of an issue, or at least I don't feel it is an issue in my life.

My sensory issues are pretty insignificant, the only thing that impacts me in any way are the mild headaches from constant, loud noises. Sure, it can be annoying, but it's not that big of a deal.

The repetitive movements thing is basically non existant, other than my chronic pacing, but I avoid it in public. I used to chew on necklaces as a kid, but I don't like wearing necklaces anymore, and even when I do, I don't feel the impulse to chew on them. I leave them alone.

The only autism trait that I feel significantly impacts me are my attention issues and most of what falls under executive functions. I'm terrible at organization or having a decent sense of time. I'm always late at everything and I can't keep track of anything.

I think my general paranoid tendencies, my lack of trust in people and general apathy are much more troublesome than being a bit different in social matters.

Those things weren't treated in time. I was like that since childhood, it's not something that arose in adolescence. Now that I'm getting older and I'm in college, it gives me issues.

Of course, I'm glad that at least I could recognize these problems now that I'm still young. I wasn't nowhere this self aware a few years ago, and I cannot imagine how much of a wreck my life would be in a few years if I didn't get the right kind of therapy now.

But that doesn't mean I'm not bitter that I felt so miserable during my childhood and high school years when that could have been avoided. It was an unnecessary amount of pain.

#asd #autistic #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism spectrum #asperger #aspergers #asperger syndrome #aspergers syndrome #aspie #autism spectrum disorder #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #actually asperger #actually aspergers #personality disorder

[asdminds]

Sometimes I forget how much slower I am to make friends or trust other people. A family member asked me if I was making friends at grad school a few weeks ago, and my initial response was "It's only been a month and a bit?" How are other people friends already?

It's genuinely baffling how other people do this stuff so quickly.

#reblogged

[asdminds]

but when will my parents peers and society understand the harm they have caused me expecting me to ‘catch’ up with typically developing people my whole life again and again only to end up back where i started.

#reblogged

[asdminds]

I made some depressing “growing up autistic” memes

And yeah this is for the adhd peeps too

#reblogged

[asdminds]

My High School experience.

Even though I'm sure that neurotypicals loathe high school as much as the average neurodivergent teen, I think the experience that most people on the autism spectrum had during that dreaded era comes with unique obstacles. Both academic-wise and socially.

I have a lot of concentration issues. They're very blatant. They're that one thing that people notice about me right off the bat, just like people notice someone's freckles or their new haircut.

Plenty of school subjects require a significant amount of concentration, therefore those were particularly difficult to me. It's something I'm just incapable of doing. It wasn't surprising that I was a below average student due to my massive lack of concentration and general disorganization. I barely could keep track of future exams or when I had to do my homework.

On top of that, my social struggles were difficult to handle. It's basically impossible to go through high school without talking to anyone ever (as much as I would like that to be the case), so I had to socialize. I was basically forced to do so. I hated it.

It was incredibly hard for me to be able to talk to others, let alone make friends. I didn't feel comfortable around anyone at school. It didn't help that it was a small school, so it's not like I had a lot of different people to befriend either.

I couldn't relate to others, I guess. What could I talk about, anyways? I just felt like I wasn't meant to be there.

My unkempt appearence, my constant apathy and my overly reserved personality was a triad of traits that people didn't exactly find charming or welcoming. I can't really blame them for that, to be honest.

Another thing was the constant talk about dating or which guy you find attractive. I'm very indifferent and apathetic towards people, if I don't outright dislike them. It isn't a surprise I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend for that reason. I don't want to have one, either.

As ridiculous as it sounds, that whole thing is a huge part in teenagers' conversations. I didn't have anything to talk about, really. They would spend the whole time talking about whatever guy they thought was hot, whether it was a celebrity or just a normal dude from the school or somewhere else. I've always thought all of them were deeply unattractive and unappealing.

There isn't much conversation to be made in those circumstances, isn't it?

#asd #autistic #autism spectrum #autism spectrum condition #autism spectrum disorder #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #asperger #aspergers #asperger syndrome #aspergers syndrome #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #actuallyneurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #neurodiverse #aspergirls #isolation #personality disorder

[asdminds]

When you don't mask as a person on the autism spectrum...

Something that I often come across is the myth that all women on the autism spectrum do mask their traits.

As I said in one of my previous posts, I don't experience stereotypical "feminine" autistic symptoms, despite the fact that I'm a woman myself.

My traits are mild, but despite that I never made efforts to hide them, neither do I know how to do so. Therefore, I was stuck in a limbo between being "obviously autistic" and "too smart and obviously verbal".

I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome (although I prefer to call it "Autism Spectrum" rather than "Aspergers") at the age of 13. I was a reserved young teenager who didn't care about socializing nor did I made efforts to make friends. My own mind and imagination was a more entertaining company than anyone else.

People bore me. "Why would I talk to others if being alone is more fun anyway?" was an every day thought. I didn't know how to make friends on the first place, and I wasn't exactly enthusiastic about it either.

The concept of going and talking to others seems exhausting enough, but even more exhausting was the concept of making a conscious effort to fit in.

"What should I talk about with them? Nothing they talk about seems interesting to me" was a common thought pattern. It didn't come naturally to me to simply go and mimic others' speech and behaviour, but even more of a hazard was to do so consciously.

I was never the type of person to keep everything planned or to schedule things, let alone to carefully manufacture an internal guide on how to socialize. Social skills were never my forte, even if I wasn't outright terrible at it.

Another thing were my interests, especially in my earlier childhood. I liked going and reading about topics that were unusual to pique the interest of a kid. I was fascinated by Ancient Rome, the extinction of dinosaurs and the human body. I was absolutely amused once I found out that human hearts don't actually look like that, they actually have this very odd circle, oval-ish shape. Or that dinosaurs used to roam the earth, yet they went extinct. Or how Roman warriors would wear these intrincate armours and helmets during battle.

I was never hiding my quirks or odd traits, it didn't come naturally to me.

As I became older, so did my peers. My interests changed and so did theirs. I became interested in urban legends, ghosts and morbid stuff in general. I remember going on the Wikipedia page to read about Charles Manson's cult, or googling about local urban legends.

Of course, my classmates didn't care about that, or at least not as much as I did. The boys would play tag and similar games during recess, while the girls would gossip about which boys were cute.

Neither of those things interested me on the slightlest, so I was alone. It was kind of boring, though. I couldn't go and just play on the only computer my school had, or go home and play in my PlayStation 2.

Nope, I was stuck there. Alone and without anything to do. Just my imagination, my daydreams and I.

#ASD #autistic #actually autistic #autism #aspergers #aspergers syndrome #asperger #asperger syndrome #childhood #aspergirls #autistic childhood #mental health #actuallyautistic #neurodiverse #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

[asdminds]

Sometimes I feel the impulse to be mean to others, it's just a constant thing.

I cannot tolerate other people, that's why I feel the need to be rude.

But I control it.

But it's exhausting.

#asd #autistic #actually autistic #autism #aspergers #asperger #personality disorder

[asdminds]

How do u cope with perceived rejection? I'm at the point rn where I don't want to leave the house bc I don't want to interact with anyone anymore.

oof, that sucks. im sorry anon.

honestly for me its a combo of a lot of little things and techniques but also its still hard sometimes. I also don't have any issue when it comes to strangers. I dont care if random people don't like or reject me or think negatively of me I only care if the people I care about and want to like me don't like me. if that makes sense? so sorry if some of this isnt as helpful for those kinds of situations

but okay so my main steps are usually firstly reminding myself that I'm not that important in peoples lives. and I dont mean that in a self depreciating way so just stay with me. most people are self centered in that were all the most important person to ourselves, we live in our own brains and with our own thoughts 24/7 and so were constantly thinking about ourselves and our behavior and our life and all the things going on in it that are important to us. and like thats a good normal thing but that also means that so is everyone else. no one is paying as much attention to me and what im doing as I am, because theyre paying attention to themselves.

so I remind myself of that and remind myself that most people have a lot going on that has nothing to do with me and so their bad mood or their quietness or their weird vibe isnt them hating and rejecting me, it just means theyre upset and theres a millions reasons why that could be that are more important to them than some little thing i did.

next up is that whatever the most mundane and casual explination that exists is, is probably the truth. and even if i truly think it isnt, i act as if it is until someone directly tells me otherwise. is someone not talking to me today or hasnt replied in hours? theyre probably really busy at work or eating or showering or maybe their phone is dead, and it helps me to ask myself “well when are some times ive taken 2 hours to respond and why was that” and if im being actually honest with myself i will find times when i have behaved the same but wasnt mad at someone or rejecting them. so i always force myself to believe the mundane solution, which helps me not act on any of my feelings.

because even if i really cant believe it in the moment, i can act like i do. so say someone hasnt talked to me and i feel like theyre rejecting me, i tell myself its just because theyre busy and not because theyre mad and force myself to act accodingly. i message them a normal amount and i dont mention my feelings or suspicions and then eventually they always talk to me again like normal and then i can be like “see, eveyrthing was fine and we were just being crazy. glad i didnt do anything about it”

only act on direct information, never assumptions. i act like nothing is wrong until someone directly tells me it is, because i dont live in their head and i cant read their thoughts. i dont truly know how they’re thinking and feeling until they tell me. (and for all u other aspd and npd assholes out there NO U DONT. genuinly and honestly. people are always capable of surprising us and even when we think we have them nailed and know exactly what their thinking, even if were right, u cannot just assume someones thoughts and take it as fact. its disordered and unhealthy and u need to stop doing it if u want better relationships with others) and if they haven’t directly told me something is wrong, then they haven’t communicated properly and that is on them. i dont read into vagueposts or status updates or tweets or level of activity or anything. i notice all of it because my brain is crazy but i force myself to ignore everything except the direct words someone says to me.

is their discord status something super upset that i think vaguely relates to me? that means nothing what was the last thing they said to me? oh that they love me and then we had a totally normal interaction. thats whats the truth, and if they were lying and they actually are mad at me, then thats on them for literally communicating the exact opposite of their feelings.

and lastly, if its people who ur close with, u can also ask for reassurance or validation in a way that doesnt accuse them of doing anything wrong. i will often go to my wife and instead of being like “are u mad at me?” or something i’ll say “im feeling really fragile today can u help reassure me that u love me and that im good?” or “I know u love me but can u tell me again i need to hear it extra today” or if its a friend sometimes i’ll say “hey im feeling kind of insecure and anixious today, when u get a chance could u reassure me that we’re still friends?” or literally just coming in the chat like “hello friends i require validation today” and then people will repsond with emojis and “god mood” and i will feel better

these are good ways to ask for support because they dont put any blame or onus on the other person, its about u and ur feelings, and usually if its people who care about u they’ll have no problem doing that. my friends and i tell eachother very often that we love and care about and genuinly like one another because reassurance and validation is Good and it should be a normal part of ur relationships. (no one insert a screenshot of that time ryo said he was feeling paranoid we hated him so i instantly sent him screenshots of my dms about my crush on him i will skin u)

but yea. those are the main things i do and tell myself and sorry this got so long but i dont know how to explain things like this without a million words lol i hope that made sense and that some of it was helpfull for u

#reblogged

[asdminds]

it‘s important to get out of your head and not overthink things. it is possible to keep yourself in this heightened state of anxiety and arousal, even while trying to resolve your issues.

#reblogged

[asdminds]

I hate that I have no sense of myself whatsoever, I feel like all my personality traits are just temporary or superficial and at the core there's basically nothing left

#reblogged