ashleynake

[ashleynake]

still cant get that cyberpunk tim idea outta my brain

[ashleynake]

AU that the batkids are all serious and bat-like ONLY WHEN BATMAN ISN’T AROUND

Like when they’re on their own team/out of Gotham? Most respected, calm and serious person there. They have a plan and it will work. “Oh yeah I memorized all the exits and people here the second I entered, you didn’t?” That’s them.

But in Gotham w/ Batman? Pranks galore and singing on patrol, they forget to sleep and forget to eat. When Batman tells them their gonna have a longer patrol they all sigh and complain while trying to give other siblings their work in exchange for doing that sibling’s chore.

But nobody knows that they act like that!! Batman would say something like

“Gosh my kids blew something up I have to go,”

AND EVERYONE WHOSE EVER MET THEM IS ALL CONFUSED LIKE “BUT THEIR A BAT?!?! HUH??!”

and Batman would respond

“Oh yeah you know them, always doing something their not supposed to”

JL: “NO?!”

[ashleynake]

I love the headcanon that Tim writes fanfiction about the bats because it's so in character but also it's fun to imagine the author notes

"sorry I didn't post my brother broke in and tried to kill me again"

"late bc my girlfriend got killed"

"sorry I didn't update, I got kidnapped by a cult"

Imagine one of his siblings or Bruce finding it and worrying that he's exposing his identity but everyone just thinks he's shitposting

[ashleynake]

It'd be really funny if all of the members of YJ are so scared of being punished by their older counterparts, except Tim.

Which boggles YJ's minds. Because HUH? THATS BATMAN??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT SCARED OF HIS PUNISHMENTS? SURELY THEYRE WORSE THAN ANY OF OURS?

Yj gets in trouble. Diana grounds Cassie and tells her no costume for a month. Clark tells Kon "im not mad im just dissapointed" (the boy is in tears). Barry/Wally tells Bart that hes "not crash" and that he's not allowed to run with them to Tokyo for a week. They're all on the ground crying.

Then they look over at Tim. They're terrified for him. Batman is in front of him, looming over him, glaring down at him. They're far away from the others but yj is still shaking in fear because look how pissed Batman is.

Then Tim "I lied to Batman" Drake walks back and grins at them. "He tried to ground me. I'll be back by tomorrow."

[ashleynake]

Time Travel AU: Timothy "Trash" Drake Edition

Tim, to save his family and the world, travels back to when he was a kid. Considering the super powerful shadow organizations that are trying to take over the world (and to prevent his family from becoming targets [or he doesn't trust them. Your pick]), he elects to take on a persona:

Timothy "Trash" Drake.

Instead of the kind, charming, intelligent kid he used to be, Tim methodically mucks up his reputation. He's an asshole, he's self-important, and he's like a typical Gotham Socialite but worse. By 16, he's practically a drunk idiot who's only passing school by the Drake name. He's like Brucie Wayne, but he's hated instead of being a loveable fool.

In the background, he's subtly saved people from their tragic events in the timeline. Drake industries has been booming (try as he might, he couldn't save his parents and became the CEO at 16 as an emancipated minor), and a lot of their funds goes towards better wages and benefits for their employees. Continually, they spend a lot on Gotham infrastructure and social programs. This doesn't match the CEO's arrogant, asshole, and greedy ways. Most assume he's just a figurehead anyway.

The important part to note is that the Waynes hate interacting with him and have a strong dislike for him. They don't know that his demeanor is a persona. Jason, in particular, hates his frivolous, wasteful guts.

Tim has been somewhat successful in mitigating the shadow organization's plans and stopping the world from ending. He's still got a few plans in the works, but he's overall satisfied by what he's accomplished.

Issues start to arise when the Waynes notice contradictions in Timothy Drake's behavior.

Timothy is an asshole who only cares about himself, so why did he give away his coat to someone in need? Sure, he complained that it was of poor quality and not to his standards, but he could've just thrown it away.

Someone else notices that he crashes into the champagne tower when someone was getting harassed at a gala. It was supposedly an accident, but the person was able to get away from the harassment.

Timothy also slapped a homophoic asshole when he kept going on and on about their prejudice. The kid played it off as him being mad at them for stealing his look, but are all of these incidents coincidences?

The final nail in the coffin? Cass goes to her first gala where Tim in in attendance (he has purposefully avoided anywhere she would be). She takes one glance at him, smiles, and then softly says, "Little Brother."

Safe to say everyone promptly looses their shit.

Anyways, I kind of want to see a Trash of the Count's Family AU with Tim Drake

[ashleynake]

Just read a fic about Tim finally getting post patrol ice cream and his own renovated room after admitting to never getting any unlike his siblings and now I'm imagining an AU

Imagine this, Tim is tired, pulling an all nighter, because he did too poor a job at pretending as Robin, and it's too late to do damage control. Not in front of villains or heroes alike

But the people

They've caught onto how the third robin receives less than the first two

Robin acts less like a child, less like a son to Batman, and more like a 'Business Partner's as he said with his own words. Like a handler

Robin who has to put work into keeping Batman from overexerting himself, from cruelly punishing those who fall victim to him

Robin who receives less praise or care from Batman and cares for both himself and his "Boss" as he said with his own words

And it gets worse after the mantle passes down to Stephanie and Damian because the people notices how even as Batman treats them better than the third, now rebranded as Red Robin—

—Red Robin is still as much a Business Partner to batman as he always has been since the Dark Knight's loss of his second bird

And as much as tries to keep things buried, word is spreading that Red Robin is black sheep of the batfamily, and he won't be able to hide it for much longer

Have fun with this idea lol

I know the fic you're talking about! "with the exception of..." by DSS1101. That's a good one!

"Home Decor" by sElkieNight60 is about Duke remodeling his room as part of the new Wayne member tradition. This brings up feelings in Tim cause his bedroom still looks like a barely used guestroom.

The concept you've mentioned gives similar vibes to a hc/au post I read about how JJ (Joker Junior) isn't known by anyone but the goons/Rogues, Barbara, Jim, and Bruce. All the other Bats don't know. In consideration of Tim, electric shock weapons are immediately put away when Red Robin arrives on scene (I love that idea so much).

I think, with the Gothamites around when Bruce was going on his grief spiral almost killing spree, people feel a kinship with Tim. They couldn't have stopped Batman and, with part guilt and part relief, it seems only a child could. They watch this child, who seems to be sacrificing everything for a brutal and cruel man, and how he pulls Batman back into the symbol he's supposed to be. It brings out the protective and parental instinct of a lot of people.

This cues civilians, goons, and rogues alike trying to assist Robin in small ways. Tim as Robin had people offering him food (in sealed containers), giving him compliments, handing him scarves or hats (how could Batman let a child out in this weather without a hat?!?!?), and more. They tried to give him small moments to be the child he was pretending he wasn't. He obviously wasn't getting decent parenting at home if Batman was just his boss and his real folks were letting him out to fight.

There's a kind of guilty gratefulness towards the third Robin and a protectiveness of him. All young Bats are treated with care by civilains and some goons, but Robin three was special. He willingly became the barrier between Batman and Gotham. A lot of folks owe their ability to work (and not have exorbiant medical debt and medical conditions) to Tim. He saved them by damning himself. He needed the support Batman obviously wasn't providing.

Tim, as intelligent as he is, doesn't realize the affect he has on Gotham's older population. The younger ones will react with slightly more respect towards him than the other Bats, but they weren't around to see what Tim's sacrifice did for everyone.

Tim, with his self-doubt and hero-worship of his predecessors, thought his treatment throughout Robin was the work of those who came before him. Of course Gothamites trust and help out Robin when Dick and Jason built that foundation.

He's not exactly wrong, but it isn't to the extent they actually do for Tim.

Unfortunately for Tim, Damian and Jason do know that his Robin was treated with such reverence. They don't know why, but their Robins did/do not get treated that way. They chalk it up to Tim being the "perfect" and "can do no wrong" Robin. It's one point of contention they are unable to clear up due to Tim not knowing about it and the other two not wanting to explain their jealousy.

Steph was not treated as well as Damian and Jason when she was Robin. She, in this AU, was not treated as much of a crutch as Tim is. Despite that, her Spoiler/Batgirl/whatever persona gets some of the protectiveness that Tim's personas do. Bruce was more healed with Steph, but he was still an ass. That was obvious to any Gothamite watching.

Steph, because she was around at the time and talks with Gothamites to know what rumors are floating around, becomes aware after her death of why Tim's Robin is held up with such respect. This allows, unknowingly to Tim, for them to reach more understanding. With her knowledge of Tim's time as Robin, she's able to point out how he was being an ass, what he should've done instead, and that she herself was sorry for some of her actions.

When more and more individuals cue into Tim's black sheep position in the Batfam, this could go two ways.

One, Tim is targeted more due to his lack of support.

Two, Gothamites and Rogues increase their aid to Red Robin and become slightly cold to the Bats for their treatment of him.

[ashleynake]

I mean this in a not batcest way, but does anyone else think about how Dick often has to play the role of a mother?

He's the type of mom who is forced into their role of motherhood, who receives no help from their husband, who's a barrier between the kids and their dad, who facilitates the relationship between the father and his kids, and who is actually around the kids while the dad is at work or "tired from work" despite the mom working full-time themselves.

[ashleynake]

Mythical Beings/Creatures Batfam AUs:

This will basically be a list of what each batfam member could be if they weren't human.

Alfred: Minor god/deity or warlock

Bruce: Mothman, dullahan

Babs: Electricty/tech creature, selkie

Dick: goblin, siren, elf

Cass: Gorgon, basilisk

Jason (post revival): Hellhound, Phoenix, wraith, zombie

Steph: werewolf, banshee

Tim: fae, dragon, golem

Duke: unicorn, shade

Damian: biblically scary angel, vampire

[ashleynake]

Would y’all be interested in a batkids gang AU ?

I did this a while ago (edit : so there are some stuff which might be wrong, I’ll change them !!)

I also have plenty of other AUs 🤗

[ashleynake]

Batman and superman are their opposite personalities in civilian form.

.. so this gives us a perfect opportunity for the most disastrously chaotic dynamic (and love square) EVER.

ESPECIALLY if they don’t know the others true identities, or even they did and are just being lil shits anyways

Give me:

grumpy skeptical Clark to Bruce’s sunshine playboy persona.

Clark *trying to down as many aspirins as he can, half tempted to throw himself into the sun* : Bruce we needed to surround the enemy, not SEDUCE them!

Bruce *currently on his way to a dinner wearing the most seductive outfit known to man* : Well, you know the saying. We can’t gatekeep or manslaughter our way out of it. Girlboss it is.

Clark: Bruce you are going on a date with a STRAIGHT MAN

Bruce: Give me five minutes and then I’ll let you hear him scream my name

*horrified Clark noises*

==================================

Brooding and detective Batman meeting lie-detector and very effective investigator journalist Clark Kent

Batman: Tell me where the bombs are Riddler!

Riddler *currently tied up* : Hehe you’ll never find them~

Clark: Mind if I record this session Mr. Riddler?

Batman:

Riddler:

Clark:

Riddler: Who the hell-

Batman: .. Kent. How’d you even get here?

Clark: Irrelevant questions. *waves recorder* so..?

Riddler: Sure..tell the public I’m going to paint the walls red-

Clark *in investigative journalist mode* : So which devastating rock bottom led you to lose your mind and pursue this as a career?

Riddler:

Riddler: hey wait hang on this is a fulfilling career!

Clark *raising a judgemental eyebrow*: So.. you fighting a man dressed as a bat, with that atrocious outfit you must’ve gotten from hell and riddles that you’ll give him the answer to anyway.. this is fulfilling?

Riddler *voice breaking* : .. yes?

*questioning and judgemental silence*

Few hours later

Red Robin: .. why is Riddler crying and why does he also have a career counselling book in his hand?

Batman *just as surprised and kind of disturbed at how methodical and impressive Clark was in breaking down Riddlers plan based on evidence and connecting the dots* : Honestly I thought he was here for me and he started ignoring me so out of concern for his safety I demanded he paid attention

Red robin: And?

Batman: and he said “oh you don’t want me to pay attention to you” and showed me.. a lot of details and screenshots I don’t know how he got his hands on

Red robin:

Batman: Riddler also then attempted to escape and Clark just.. punched him so hard Riddler still doesn’t know which universe he’s in..

Red robin: well it could’ve been worse.. Clark could’ve pulled out a gun

Batman: .. he has a flamethrower

Red Robin: IM SORRY WHAT

Batman: .. and he told me we should work together sometimes, and I gave him few crime stories and plots to help raise awareness for the public and stop them.

Red robin:

Batman: also he gave me a therapy card.

=========

Give me ray of sunshine and leader Superman with no sense of self preservation Bruce Wayne

Superman: Good evening Mr. Wayne, there’s a credible threat against you so I’ll be on the lookout for today-

Bruce *sidling upto him* : .. damn.. when I said send your hottest stripper you did deliver..

Superman *beet red* : Im not the stripper sir!

Bruce: Really?

Superman *furious nodding*

Bruce: okay then.. hey listen, I’ve been learning about important dates in history lately.. do you wanna be one of them?

Superman. Exe has stopped functioning

Later

Superman: Mr. Wayne there’s a blackout and the building is under attack! Evacuate!

Bruce *running with gunshots behind* : Are you outside? You’re invulnerable right? Nothing can hurt you? Not even gunpowder or explosives?!

Superman *touched and pleasantly surprised* : yes.. so you don’t have to worry about me Mr. Wayn-

*glass breaks and Superman catches the dark mass falling in the air*

Superman: See? You’re safe-

*realises he’s holding a huge bomb about to detonate*

One explosion later

Superman: … you threw a bomb at me

Bruce: What?? You said you were invulnerable! I didn’t know what else to do with it??

Superman: So you didn’t think to tell me? Not even a warning?

Bruce: Listen that bomb was hot but compared to how smoking hot you were I didn’t think it ever stood a change

Superman: Mr. Wayne, listen. You should’ve atleast yelled or said something so I could’ve gotten it away in time. What if I hadn’t?

Bruce: I did! I yelled GET READY FOR A BLOWJOB

Superman:

Bruce:

Superman:

Bruce: ?? Did I do something wrong?

========

And obviously.. the usual golden retriever Superman x black cat Batman that we all know and love so I’m just going to leave it at:

Batman: Someone is going to die.

Superman: Of fun!

Batman: Sure if you consider burning to death fun

Superman:

Superman: Oh come on be a little optimistic! We must have hope! We will persevere!

Batman: we are literally being held hostages by aliens

Superman: ..listen okay, let me do the talking. We just gotta de-escalate the situation

Alien: You intruders! You will never get our superior defender systems-

Batman *done with this bullshit* : I already hacked into it twenty days ago and found all of your identities, families and now have full control over your systems of defends and weapons. If I wanted to hurt somebody.. I would’ve done so already.

Alien *tries to punch him, gets headbutted instead*

Alien *chuckles* : You have a thick skull Batman..

Batman:

Superman *frantic whispering*: Dontsayitdontsayitdontsayitdontsayit-

Batman: .. atleast mines protecting a brain. Wish I could say the same for yours

Superman *heavy sigh*

[ashleynake]

People only find out how ripped Bruce is after he becomes a father.

I like to think that Bruce doesn’t have an extremely toned bod where you can immediately see every one of his muscles and ridiculously jacked body.

I advocate for the dad bod, where he hasa bit of fat and no one truly sees how ripped they are.

That was, until his kids.

One day during a casual wear meeting everyone’s jaw drops when Bruce single-handedly picks Dick up to stop him from doing something that would definitely cause bodily harm, and they see the muscle flex.

The reporters all drop their pens, and the women spend the rest of the time trying every excuse to get him to flex again. And so are the men.

Or when Jason is sitting in the library and during an attempted robbery the attacker topples the bookcases, only to see Bruce stand over Jason and stop the several frames from crushing him.

With just his bare hands.

It leads to the robber trembling in fear, seeing all the muscles and sudden hulk figure turn to him in rage, and the robbers give up without much of a fight after that.

Or when Tim and Damian are at an event, both inconspicuously trying to back out before Bruce appears behind them and unceremoniously picks them up by the scruffs of their clothes, lifts them both off their feet and dumps them onto the dining chairs.

The final straw is when a picture appeared on the internet of the Wayne family trying to reach a trapped cat on top of a tree.

The photo revealed Bruce at the bottom, holding up Jason who was holding Dick who was raising Tim who was holding Damian who was standing on his toes to coax the cat down.

Since then, the public has become increasingly aware obsessed with Bruce’s physique, with people going to great lengths just to try and see just how ripped he is.

.. and they’re not the only ones.

Even the league, pre-reveal, were are obsessed over it. Diana did a double take and has secretly saved files of them, Black Canary tries every opportunity she can to meet Bruce, Oliver choked on his bagel when he saw the images, Clark choked on air and Barry couldn’t even tear his eyes away.

Meanwhile the Wayne kids have to deal with the thirsty public and superheroes, and are increasingly more ready to commit unspeakable war crimes.

#batman #dick grayson #jason todd #red hood #nightwing #tim drake #batfam #bruce wayne #damian wayne #red robin #robin #justice league

[ashleynake]

I think a " No Robins" AU would be really cool, because while yes, there's no Batman without Robin, can you IMAGINE the cuteness?

By " no robin" I don't mean the boys (Dick and Jason, but later everyone else) stay home, completely unaware of their Goth rat father fighting crime. They absolutely know he's batman and they ABSOLUTELY want kicks in.

But Bruce won't just let his children dive head first in Gotham’s crime pool. So he does what he does best; Pretend.

" B! Are we there yet?"

" Almost. Finish your chocolate milk so Jason can finish his."

" He's always copying me!"

" No I'm not!"

" nO iM nOt, "

Jason kicking his little legs in the child seat? Adorable. "B!"

Bruce is simply blocking this out. He's been driving in circles for two hours and when they finally fall asleep, he takes care of business, gets the robbers tied up, and by the time the boys wake up, he's like,

" You caught them. Good job."

The GCPD has to be useful SOMEHOW, so Gordon and Martinez take them to help look for "evidence." Yes, the evidence happens to be at the park

Even the Rogues are on board? Selina doesn't mind playing hurt when Dick hits her with a "batarang" from the local toy store. She decides to take it over the top and play dead, going limp,

" You killed her!" Jason screeches, because they LIKE Selina,

Bruce, completely calm as Tim pokes a shaking Selina with a stick, " Robin. What have you done."

Naturally, Dick wails, but luckily, she miraculously "comes back to life" and tells them cats really do have 9 lives. " You owe me so many diamonds, baby"

Bruce shrugs, patting Dick on the back, " You owe me therapy money,"

" Tch. Rich prick."

Harley and Ivy "fight" the birds a lot, but it's just Harley complimenting and hyping up Dick's gymnastics while Ivy swings them around with vines like carnival rides,

When Harley's "arrested", she pulls Bruce aside and is like, " Hey, maybe look into ADHD and autism, pretty sure they all have it, "

" Impossible? That's genetic. I have neither."

" ...1) They're adopted. 2) I have some news for you."

Harvey WILL kill Bruce on sight if he ever tells ANYONE he helped Jason and Tim tie him up with jumping cords. It's already bad enough that video of him slipping on bubblegum bombs (deactivated) is viral

" Okay, now three loops and around, -- Jason, that's a cat bridge."

" I'm NOT Jason Mr. Dent!"

" Right, ROBIN, -- can you at least gag this motherf-- this jerk? Jesus, Oswald, what'd you eat, death?"

Oz, tied back to back with Harvey, with marker all over his face, " Your MOTHER. I'M tired, KID, When's your old man coming back?"

" Dad says that if you miss bed time, you explode. Are you gonna explode, Mr. Penguin?"

"... I'm concerned that you're excited about it."

#bruce wayne #dc comics #dc #batdad #bruce wayne is a good dad #harley quinn #poison ivy #harvey dent #no robins au #batfamily #batfam

[ashleynake]

batcat: I can call him babygirl

brutalia: I can divorce him

superbat: I can fix him

bruharvey: I can make him worse

ghostbat: I can make him so much worse lmao

#dc #batcat #brutalia #superbat #bruharvey #ghostbat #do you think all of Bruce’s partners go have brunch together

[ashleynake]

I desperately want a bruharvey thing where it's established that two face and Bruce are dating, but Bruce and Harvey aren't.

Harvey suffers from a classic case of " I don't want to ruin the friendship" and Two Face, very gently, but firmly, tells him he doesn't give two fucks.

"I'm ruining him in the back of my Mercedes every week, so there's no downside for me."

"There's gotta be some rule you're violating with that."

Two-Face shrugs, carefully surveying shiny, costy jelwery they scavenged from the heist. Bruce deserves the best and only the best, after all. " Why are we going to Jason's play?"

" Because he spent a week writing it and it matters to him?"

" He's gonna be a tree!"

" He read lord of the rings. He's gotta lots of feelings about trees, that's the shit he's passionate about, pretend you understand and shut up."

I just. Adore the following image:

Just Harvey and Two Face being dads. It's just so. Like. When Dick updates his costume from Robin, they think, well, at least he was convinced to wear actual PANTS.

But then. The Nightwing suit is... Is something.

"It's MY body, MY choice, "

" Of course it is, birdie, I don't mean to come off as sexualising and denying your autonomy, but,--"

Two Face swiftly cuts him off, held back only by Bruce's smaller hand on his chest, " Put on some goddam pants, you loser!"

Dick, with all the hatred safely kept in his soul, " You're BALDING,"

"...You fucking take that back--"

Bruce is mom coded in the way that he's effortlessly intimidating when he chooses to be and Harvey's dad coded in the sense that everyone is scared of him BUT his kids.

Also, Two-Face simply refuses to discipline Jason. Why would he? He's the best, most behaved, sweet boy there ever roamed this filthy earth.

Bruce pinches the space between his eyebrows. " Why did you let my four year old touch your gun?"

" He said 'please' like we thought him to, didn't he?"

" Is the safety on?"

" OH SHI-- no, yeah, doll, I didn't put the safety on before letting my toddler play with a pistol. Of course the safety's on, who do you take me for."

Jason shoots a hole right through Alfred's tea, and the wall, bubbly giggle soaked in sunshine.

"Hn."

[ashleynake]

Bruharvey but Harvey desperately has to impress single parent Bruce Wayne's flock of protective kids.

OHH, I think both Harvey and Two Face acknowledge that, while Bruce loves all his children dearly and needs all of their blessings, they can be bribed one way or another;

Harvey's a whole mafioso that robs banks on the regular. He becomes the personification of " daddy's money."

Dick? All the gym equipment he can imagine.

Damian? Lifetime access to the Zoo + petting privileges.

Tim? His own coffee shop.

Cass doesn't ask for anything besides her dads happiness and safety, but Harvey buys her a ballet studio cause she's his princess

Duke? Again, doesn't ask for anything. " I'm frankly offended that you think my honor and love has a price, --"

" So you don't want your own Batmobile?"

"...Hold on. Let's talk."

But. That being said. There's one child whose word reigns supreme over everyone else's. The one lounged on Bruce's lap like an evil cat.

Jason.

He can't be bought; Or flattered. Or impressed. Or be reasoned with.

Let's face it, the guy who masterfully bended an entire criminal network on a rebellious whim has little reason to value your word over his.

Harvey tried everything. A library cropped straight out of beauty and the beast. A fully paid college tuition for creative writing and English literature. Sending Tim to Mexico.

Nothing.

"Well," Harvey looks at Alfred while downing his 4th glass of whiskey. Jason had just BIT HIM after he tried petting Bruce's hair, " If I made YOU like me, this should be nothing, right?"

Alfred looks at him as if he's a particularly stupid puppy.

"...You like me, right, Alfie?"

" You're breathing, aren't you?"

#harvey dent #bruce wayne #bruharvey #protective batfamily #batfamily #alfred pennyworth

[ashleynake]

the batkids bet on which bruce ship will be endgame. they have a whole ass file for it that only babs and tim can see and write in.

dick knows for a fact that bruce and clark having something going on. there’s no way they haven’t at least thought about it.

jason would bet his heart and soul on diana. he doubts bruce could bag wonderwoman out of everyone but he still hopes to have her as his official step mom.

tim is 100% on harvey’s side. have you seen the way those two look at each other? classic “exes who still long for each other” troupe.

damien insists that talia is bruce’s true spouse. he’s their son for goodness sake!

cass doesn’t really care but if she were to chose, ghostbat would be her top pick.

steph throws riddler into the mix as a joke at first, but now she’s diving deeper into the rabbit hole that is his and bruce’s relationship.

similarly to cass, duke isn’t too interested. but between you and me, he swears up and down that hal has made bedroom eyes at bruce before.

Okay but how funny would it be if Bruce dated and broke up with all of them without even realizing

[ashleynake]

I’m on the second episode of My Adventures With Superman and I KNOW I know, this deserves to be Clark’s show, BUT HEAR ME OUT A SECOND.

Imagine the Waynes didn’t die and Thomas is trying DESPERATELY to buy the Daily Planet from White, but to absolutely no avail.

“For the last time, Wayne, you can have this company when the Gotham Knights win a Stanley Cup.”

“Y’all cheated last year and you KNOW it, White! Come on! We knew each other for 20 years—“

“Not true.”

“You gotta have ONE nice thing to say about me! You saw my charity records? My trip to the Amazon? I found a goddam dinosaur, for Pete’s sake!”

“And you sent it to the Gotham museum.”

“…Well yeah, it looked real pretty.”

“Look, Wayne. I can either give your ego the stroke of the century, or keep Lane and those two idiot interns in check, but I can’t do both. Now get out of here, or—“

Clark clearing his throat, holding two cups of coffee in his comically large hands, “Uh, the coffee machine broke, so I had to run to the store. Is this a bad time?”

Thomas whistling, because what the FUCK. “Christ, boy, how tall are you? How tall is he, White? You a security guard? You WANNA be a security guard?”

“Uh, Clark Kent. Idiot intern,” Clark introduced himself politely despite Perry’s grumbling.

Needless to say, Thomas Wayne is…Intimidating.

“I’ve heard about your research on metahuman physics, Mr. Wayne. It’s brilliant.”

“Oh, that? That was all my boy, really. He’s got all these ideas about reinventing the healthcare system for everybody or something like that. Hell, he wants to invent some bandaids for that Superman fella. “

“That,” Clark blinked, “Actually sounds amazing.”

“Right?. The other day he came to me like, ‘Can I have 30,000 for a research expedition?’ You should’ve seen him in his little lab coat, — cutest thing. Hold on, I have pictures.”

Clark expected a particularly eccentric 10 year not, not a — gorgeous— adult man in what looked to be a great amount of eyeliner and one hell of a scowl. “He’s…” gorgeous, “He seems interesting.”

“Ain’t he? You should meet him sometime. Hates talking to the press, but, I’m sure we can arrange something. “

“Good luck with that. I tried interviewing the kid alone for 10 minutes and Mr. Wayne here kept getting in the way. Probably because he has something to hide.”

“Bruce ain’t really made for the camera, so I had to step in, ya know how it is. He ain’t really the independent kind.” Thomas shrugs. “I know, I know, — you gotta leave em to fly sometimes, and while I bet he’d look cute tryin’,”

Thomas chuckles, but it doesn’t sound amusing. At all. “No bird leaves MY nest.”

—

Clark finds out why Perry can’t prove Thomas Wayne is Batman. It’s because he’s wrong. He’s listened to Batman’s heartbeat before. And Thomas doesn’t stutter.

Bruce Wayne does, thought.

#clark kent #my adventures with superman #dc comics #battinson #superbat #thomas wayne