askjennie

[askjennie]

I’m nearing my 30s and I’m so scared to take a chance for once in my life and go after my dream to be an illustrator. I’m self taught so I’m lacking in many areas and I know I’m going to suffer more down that road than I am now and I don’t know if I strong enough for that

It sounds like this is something that’s really important to you, so it’s something that is worth seriously pursuing. That doesn’t mean you should immediately quit your current job and abandon your current life! But doing your research on how professional illustrators get involved in the industry, getting in touch with people already in the industry, creating a portfolio of your work and starting to apply for jobs and reach out to potential employers sounds reasonable to me, if it’s something you really want to do.

Just remember, you don’t need to make a career out of an activity for it to be an important part of your life. Whether you become a full-time illustrator, draw and illustrate as a side hustle, or only ever draw as a hobby, it sounds like you would be happier and less regretful if you made some space in your life to pursue illustrating in some capacity.

#advice #illustrator #illustrating #career change #advice blog

[askjennie]

At Target this lady told her son he couldn’t have a Wonder Woman doll because “that’s for girls” and then bought her daughter the same one. It got me thinking about how often I see people bar young boys from appreciating girls/women as protagonists and heroes, and my own experience with it as a kid.

#advice #sexism #feminism #teach boys #advice blog

[askjennie]

Hello, I think my mental health is slowly going down the drain (and it wasn't the best to begin with). Any tips for reaching out? I'm afraid of theraphy and hate talking about my problems but at this point I feel like I need something. Stay safe

Please read my FAQ on seeking help with your mental health! 

#advice #mental health #therapy #faq #advice blog

[askjennie]

Hey! I'm 16 weeks pregnant and my now ex bf has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me or the baby which I've came to accept. However his brother said he still wants to see the baby which of course he can &this might sound strange but cause my baby daddy doesn't want to know &now has cut all contact with me I text his brother for like comfort as I have no one else really to talk to. I feel lonely. Is that strange that I talk to his brother? It's nothing sexual, just talking.

No, I don’t think it’s strange. His brother has offered his support, and you’re reaching out for his support at a time where you’re probably going through a lot of stress. I hope that you are able to build a support system that doesn’t just rely on one person - maybe searching for communities of other pregnant people or single mothers in your area - but right now, I think it’s pretty fair that you’re seeking comfort from someone who is available to you. It’s great that he wants to be a part of your and your baby’s life, and I hope he continues to be a positive source of support for you. 

#advice #pregnant #support #lonely #advice blog

[askjennie]

These past few weeks in quarantine have been good for me, I've been drawing and writing and doing lots of things! But I'm starting to feel the burnout of it all. I really just want to rest and sleep, but I cant do that because itll make my depression and sleep schedule worse (I just got it fixed). I want to go go and keep going with my stuff but I cant :/

It’s great that you’ve been able to draw and write and do meaningful things during the pandemic, but it’s also okay to be burnt out and need to rest. If resting for long periods of time worsens your depression, are you able to find a balance during your day? For example, carving out an hour or two a day to rest and recharge and do nothing, before going back to activities that keep you busy? Alternating more brain-intensive activities like writing with activities you find more relaxing, like going for a walk or reading a book? Self-care is really important, and it’s okay to cut yourself some slack. If keeping busy is important for your mental health, then keep pushing yourself to do those activities you enjoy, but make sure you’re taking breaks for your mental health as well.

#advice #pandemic #burnout #depression #advice blog

[askjennie]

Hi! Idk if you can help me but at this point i dont know what else to do. So my neighbours have dogs that constantly bark day and night & its really hard living with all this noise. I cant sleep, i cant study, i cant do anything bc of the noise. its really affecting my life so bad. I've talked to them about it but they dont care. The police/county dont do anything about it either. Everybody tells me to wear earplugs but i can still hear them. I've tried antibarking decives but didnt work. help

I would keep alerting the police/county to the situation - from anecdotes I’ve heard from friends, it can take a lot of persistence and repeated reports for anything to be resolved. And consider buying some soundproofing panels, at least for the walls closest to your neighbours. I don’t know a lot about how to effectively soundproof a house, but for your own sanity, maybe it’s time to do some research. 

#advice #noisy neighbours #dogs #soundproofing #advice blog

[askjennie]

Hi, so i am asian, and i dont know how to make friends with caucasians because theres a cultural difference, so what if they stop becoming friends with me one day because im asian? How do i find friends that wont leave me because im asian? Any tips?

Here are my general tips on how to make new friends!  I know that making friends across a cultural difference can be more challenging, and the principle is still the same - start conversations, and find common interests. You can’t guarantee that a new friend will stay your friend forever, and of course it’s a risk that if you open yourself up to interacting with people, you’ll probably encounter some racists. But if you want to make friends, you need to take some risk so that you can find those people who will like the person who you are.

#advice #asian #cultural differences #how to make friends #advice blog

[askjennie]

#advice #therapy #mental health care #free healthcare #advice blog

[askjennie]

hi jennie, do you believe in fate? i met this guy by accident through friends... and we hit it off, then i found out that we knew eachother from kindergarten as i found a picture of us! we then ended up going to the same school (at age16) and have been good friends for 4 years. i’m wondering if i have a chance with him. although right now i don’t want to be in a relationship as we’re too young & believe it should be closer to marriage. so do u believe in fate like this?

No, I don’t personally believe in fate. If you have lived in the same town, it’s not that unlikely that you would go to the same school or have mutual friends. However, hopefully my lack of belief in fate doesn’t have any impact on whether you have a chance with him or not! 

#advice #fate #relationships #coincidences #advice blog

[askjennie]

Hi! I’m an 18 year old female and i have a really close guy friend. i know he’s not interested in me but he openly tells me his emotions and how much he trusts me. i’d say i’m his closest girl-friend. i want to be with him in the future. i think he’s quite immature at the moment and want to see how it plays out closer to marriage. do u believe that if i continue to be his good friend he could end up feeling something for me the future? maybe if i tell him i like him somewhere along the line too?

It’s possible that he could, but if you already know he’s not interested in you (i.e. he has directly told you he’s not interested, or he has directly told you he’s extremely interested in someone else), it doesn’t sound like it would be healthy for you to keep waiting for him. You can certainly tell him how you feel and see what he does with that information, and you can certainly hope that one day something could happen between you. But don’t avoid other opportunities for happiness, in relationships or otherwise, because you’re waiting to see if this guy who isn’t interested in you will suddenly change his mind. 

Hoping that someone will one day date you isn’t a healthy foundation of a close friendship. If you still enjoy his company even though you’re not romantically involved, that’s fine. But if the only reason you want to stay good friends with him is that maybe one day he’ll be attracted to you, that’s not really a good friendship in the first place. It’s okay to get some space from him if being around him isn’t making you happy right now.

#advice #guy friend #relationships #dating #advice blog

[askjennie]

hi i sent an ask a few days ago about moving to another state across the country to be with my bf to help with his mom and how he threatened me. well we were drinking again and he got upset and held a racquet (we were playing outside) to my throat. i just immediately acted like nothing was wrong and tried to get him to calm down. i’m scared. i don’t want to tell him because i’m afraid it’ll make things worse.

I agree that he is not the one you should talk to about this - if you’re able to without your boyfriend intercepting, you need to alert other trusted people in your life that you are in danger. Please contact a relationship abuse helpline (here’s my list of helpline resources) for more support in keeping yourself safe. 

#advice #abuse #relationship abuse #domestic violence #advice blog

[askjennie]

There's a girl I really like who I'd like to get to know and eventually date. She's the kind of girl who wants something long term and loving and is sick of jerks and hookup culture. And I'm also someone who's sick of that- I'm kind and caring and respectful IMO and I'm looking for something sincere and real too. How do I present myself as a guy who could be great for her?

If you want something sincere and real, you need to be sincere and real. You’re not a bird! You don’t need to present an elaborate dance to prove that you’re mate material!

If you want a real relationship, you need to be yourself and show who you are, not a ‘perfect boyfriend material’ persona. If you want to get to know her, get to know her! Start a conversation, ask her questions, tell her about yourself. If it seems like you’re getting closer, be honest about how you feel, ask her out. You don’t know for sure if you’re compatible right now, but you won’t find out unless you spend time together being your authentic selves. 

#advice #relationships #dating #be yourself #advice blog

[askjennie]

I committed to a college but I dont want to go there. Not a bad school just a reputation of being easy to get in and a party school. I got into my dream school, declined because my family couldn’t afford and my health stops me from living away from home. I know I made a smart decision that fits my living situation but im terrified of my peers making false assumptions about me: like Im too stupid to get in anywhere else. How can I handle my fear of judgment and feel more confident in my decision?

You made a smart decision based on your finances and your health. Own that decision! You can spend your whole time at college wishing you were somewhere else with a different reputation, or you can throw yourself into the college experience, work hard, meet people, get involved with activities, and make the most of where you are. There are pros and cons to every college, and going to a more expensive college doesn’t guarantee a better personal experience. 

If people you know are voicing assumptions about you because of the college you go to, that’s on them. You don’t need to justify yourself by going into detail about your reasons for being there (”oh I only go there because I had to stay close to home”). You can say “this decision made the most sense to me” and leave it at that, or you can question them and make them feel uncomfortable for making assumptions. “What do you mean by that?”. “Why did you say that?”. “Oh, that was kind of rude to people who go to that school, me included”. “You seem very opinionated on the school I go to, why?”. “Huh, that’s a weird thing to say”. It’s not your job to convince them to change their minds. It’s your job to support yourself in the decision that you made. 

If you’re making assumptions about the kind of people who go to your college, try to keep an open mind about the people you meet. Remember that you’re not the only student in the school who factored personal circumstances into their college decision! Some people will be there based on their high school grades (which is not a particularly accurate measure of someone’s intelligence), some will be there based on their financial situation, some will be there because they want to stay close to home for whatever reason, some will be there because believe it or not, they actually like the school, and most people will be there for a combination of reasons. Avoid treating your peers like ‘stupid party animals’, and treat them as fellow people who made the decision to come to your school based on a variety of factors. You’re not better or worse than anyone because of the colleges you get into.

#advice #college #party school #fear of judgement #advice blog

[askjennie]

UPDATE, i.e. Jennie where the heck have you been

Hey all! I’ve realized that I’ve been away from this blog for about 6 months now. Turns out being an essential worker in a pandemic takes a lot out of you, and for a while I didn’t really have the energy or motivation to help people online as well as in real life. I know that a lot of you have been waiting for answers, and I hope that for those time-sensitive asks, you were able to find your own answers that made sense to you.

But I miss answering your questions, so I’m trying to catch up to this blog again. For now, I will be closing my inbox and working my way through the (hundreds of) asks that are currently there. I know that many of them will now be irrelevant to the original asker, and I’m going to answer anyway in the hope that it will be helpful to people who may be going through a similar problem. 

Thank you for continuing to read and support this blog! I hope it makes a difference to someone.

- Jennie

#personal #update #inbox is closed #advice #advice blog

[askjennie]

You don’t need to be constantly stressed and sleep-deprived to prove that you work hard.

I don't know what student needs to hear this right now but there is no superiority in being constantly stressed out. if you find yourself competing with classmates to see who has the most work or studying to do or who got the least amount of sleep last night, please, please stop. I promise you it's so much better for your long term health to not engage in those kinds of toxic interactions. get enough sleep, eat enough food, and stay away from people who derive their self worth from how much work they have to do

#advice #students #studying #stressed out #advice blog

[askjennie]

Hi Jennie, this might be a little weird but about 9 years ago I had a crush on this guy, four years later we kinda fool around (literally just kissing haha) and it went on, off and on for a little. We moved away for college I haven’t talked to him in 3 years haven’t seen him in like 4 years and I swear I think about him just about everyday. Is it love? And obsession? Do I need to get help or will it go away Thank youu 🥺

I don’t know exactly how you feel, so I can’t tell you for sure if it’s love or not, but I think it’s unlikely. To me, romantic love is based on a mutual close relationship, and it doesn’t sound like you’re close with this guy. Crushes can be very intense, but that doesn’t make them love! 

Sometimes, we idealize people in our heads and build them up to be this perfect person, to the point where the fantasy is very removed from reality. You haven’t had any contact with this guy for a long time, so you don’t really know what he’s like now, or whether you would be compatible nowadays. It sounds like maybe you’re holding on to this idea of being in a relationship with him, that you had when you were kinda seeing him, but it’s not based on who you both are now or where you both are in your lives right now. Maybe it’s more of a representation of what kind of relationship you want to have in your life. It’s worth taking some time to think about your thoughts about this guy, and whether they are specifically about missing him, or missing dating/kissing/feelings in general. 

Sometimes we hold onto thoughts and memories and feelings for someone very hard, because we miss the person, or the kind of relationship we had with them. That’s understandable, but it makes it difficult to move on when we need to move on. You may need to start making a conscious effort to retrain your brain, by distracting yourself with other thoughts and activities and people whenever your thoughts start drifting towards this guy. Your feelings will fade with time, but sometimes you need to give yourself a push in the right direction! Please read my FAQ on how to get over someone for more advice.

#advice #love #crush #obsession #advice blog

[askjennie]

hi there, you just answered one of my asks and i am not trying to be rude in any way but i just wanted to let you know the one about the panic attacks my friend is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns. once again not trying to be rude just wanted to let you know and was wondering if you could change the pronouns? thanks!

Oops, I have fixed it! 

#advice #pronouns #edit #advice blog