Wide Right
CW: Mentions of death and grief, based off of real experiences
… Polly had decided she no longer liked funerals. She only vaguely remembered attending one in life: that of her grandfather, Vanya Geist, roughly around 2006. Of course, all of her other grandparents had passed on, but Polly’s grandfather’s funeral stuck in her mind for multiple reasons: mainly because he was the only one to pass not only when she herself was still alive, but was also old enough to remember it.
The second, and more prevalent reason, was because that was when her father’s drinking problem took a turn for the worst. Polly took to drinking herself not long after that, while still following her rule of thumb. In a way, she and her father bonded over drinking. Sure, she remembered fuck-all about her first drink, but he was there the entire time for it.
And now she won’t be able to share a drink with him ever again. His… well, second funeral was only a fortnight ago. He and her mother had moved on while Polly was on her road trip to California. Being so far away from family… hardly even knowing that her parents were close to moving on… learning second-hand of it happening.
Not only would she never be able to share a drink with him ever again, she’d never be able to play chess with her mom again, never engage in girl talk with her mother again… Never see them, happy together, ever again.
She could only imagine how it felt for Spencer, who was there in their final moments of moving on. How was he feeling? How long did he have to sit with this knowledge before deciding to call her? How did he feel when it turned out that they willed the house to him, so he didn’t have to worry about looking for an apartment? … How did he feel about now having no one to share this home with?
She spent almost the entirety of Sitting Shiva with him, so he didn’t have to deal with this grief alone anymore. Neither of them shared a word with each other in that time; they just knew how the other was feeling without needing to say it. Finally, after a whole week of mourning, Polly felt that she was ready to leave, making sure her brother was okay to be left alone in the house again.
So here she was, on her walk home, the December snow having coated the world in white while she was in black. The mourning period may officially be over… but she still felt empty. The sound of laughter as kids played in the snow did nothing to lift her spirits.
… Oh wait. That was no child. That was Scott.
“WHOO! Throw it again! Farther!”
“Alright, alright, Babe…!”
Polly recognized those two voices from anywhere: her best friend, Scott, was playing fetch with his boyfriend, Brian. They were enjoying themselves… and it made Polly wish she could feel the same way. She didn’t even need to say anything before both of them noticed her.
“Oh! Hi, Polly!” Scott greeted, scooping her up in a hug, wagging his tail. “I haven’t seen you all week, not since the end of the road trip!”
“Yeah… I’ve just been sitting at home…” Polly answered, not feeling the energy to hug her bestie back.
“H-Hey, Scott,” Brian called out. “Isn’t it time to meet with your subjects?”
“Ooh! Yes! I forgot! Thanks, bro!” Scott answered, kissing Brian before dashing off, leaving him and Polly alone.
“Is it really time for Scott to meet with his fanbase?” Polly asked.
“No. I just wanted us to have a talk,” Brian answered, sitting on a bench, with her sitting next to him. “Scott… doesn’t take talking about death well.”
“Funny, since he’s dating a zombie,” Polly halfheartedly chuckled. “I’m guessing that’s why neither of you attended the service?”
“Yeah. But, honestly, if Scott was there, he probably would’ve cried the entire time, because, well, you’re his best friend.”
“Yeah… dude doesn’t deserve to cry,” Polly agreed, wiping any tears that she felt coming. “Besides, he saw my mom as a mom too… Probably would’ve asked to Sit Shiva with me… and then run off when he’s told that includes no football for a week.” Brian gave a light chuckle in response.
“So… do you know when they’ve moved on?” Brian asked.
“Spencer said almost a week before we made it to Veranotone.”
“So… you were told second-hand.”
“Yeah…”
“… So was I.”
… Hold the phone. This is the first Polly was hearing of this: Brian actually ended up going through what she did?
“Who?”
“My grandfather. My mom’s dad,” Brian answered. “I was about… sixteen, I think, when it happened. It was a December day, like this one, back in 1989, right before Christmas vacation. I already knew beforehand that my granddad was sick. He was getting up there and the eighties were not kind for him. But one of the things you can credit him for? My love of football.”
“Oh?” Polly asked, looking up at Brian.
“It was one of the first things he fell in love with when he and Grandma immigrated here in the fifties. And he passed that love to my father, and to me,” Brian continued to narrate. “He’d take me to every game he could up until 1987. And that’s roughly about when I started to actually play football. In fact, I have an old jersey in my closet. Does not fit me anymore.”
“Your granddad got it for ya?”
“Yeah. He did. Number 56… ‘56 also happened to be the year my grandparents immigrated. So it was considered his own personal lucky number. And I picked that number when I started playing. We had actually finished my first season as a player when… it happened.
“My grandma, dad’s mom, was going to be the one to pick me up from school that day. Again, I knew my granddad was sick. So imagine my surprise when I saw my own mom pick me up instead. I… I thought granddad was feeling better.” Tears were starting to appear on his face as he continued. “He… he wasn’t.”
“Oh… Brian, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault… Just, it’s hard not being there to say goodbye yourself,” Brian concluded, to which Polly nodded in agreement. “Christmas was only a few days after the funeral, and it was probably the worst one of my either of my lives. The next year, 1990, would probably be the hardest of my life. I let my grades slip, almost to the point where it cost me my spot on the team. Days, weeks, months began to blur. Then September came… and Sundays started making sense again.”
“Hmm?”
“I very much latched onto my granddad’s favorite team. It was my way of grieving. They were good, but never really went far as they did this season. They made it to the playoffs, thirteen-and-three record, and every game they won after that felt like he was there with me.” A smile slowly began to appear on Brian’s face. “I woulda gone to Tampa myself to watch the game in person, but no way was some seventeen-year-old getting from Jersey to Florida, let alone get a ticket for the biggest game of the year!” Brian chuckled at his story, and Polly began chuckling as well. “So, like every other day that season, I was parked in front of the TV. But that day, I wasn’t alone.”
“Wow… that’s… umm…” Polly began, trying to put the words together, confusion forming on her face.
“I know it’s long-winded, but there’s a point to this story,” Brian chuckled. “Grief… it’s different for everyone. I could only imagine how my parents handled my own death just five years later… But, I swear until the day I die a second time, I felt him every time I watched football, every time I played. And I swear he moved that ball Wide Right.” Brian wiped his tears on his sleeve. “Grief doesn’t leave you. It morphs into the love you have for them, into the things you did together, into the things you continue to do without them there.”
Polly’s gaze went downward, staring at her gloved hands. What Brian said did make sense. He must’ve felt so vulnerable bringing this up with her. He… he trusted her. He trusted her enough to show her that he knew what she was going through.
“Fuck, Bri.”
“Is… is that your way of—?”
“Thank you.”
“… Well that answers that question,” Brian laughed, patting her on the back. “I’ll leave ya to your walk, then. Just think about what I said, ‘kay?”
“Will do,” Polly answered, giggling as she got back up and continued walking. She still felt down, sure, but not as down as she was earlier… Maybe she’ll go play chess and drink wine with Vera later. She thinks—no, she knows—it’s what her parents would’ve wanted.
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